What do you think?
Rate this book
It's Just Us Here #5
The Stud
An asexual man is now in a sexual relationship with a male model... and is in over his head.
Chris and Mark's relationship evolves. Both men learn to depend on the other during trying times. Chris is in the closet with his family, but Mark doesn't add pressure and remains a solid support. Meanwhile, Mark is struggling to reconnect with his parents and older sisters and Chris is the catalyst that enables the vain male model to return home.
All good things must come to an end, and if you've read this far in the series, you should know that the last few chapters of this book contain the long-foreshadowed Big Fight. This self-portrait was written as a romance... but not every story gets a happy ending.
[The Stud is Book Five in a ten book series. You can read this as the mid-point of a four book arc. You should probably read the friends-to-lovers story (contained in the first three books) to understand the fullness of the characters, but this isn't strictly necessary. Book One, Book Four and Book Eight all serve as 'jumping in' points for the series.
It's Just Us Here: The Stud is a 118,000 word journey of two men connecting in a deep, spiritual way as they navigate a sexual relationship while juggling careers, friends and family.]
Chris and Mark's relationship evolves. Both men learn to depend on the other during trying times. Chris is in the closet with his family, but Mark doesn't add pressure and remains a solid support. Meanwhile, Mark is struggling to reconnect with his parents and older sisters and Chris is the catalyst that enables the vain male model to return home.
All good things must come to an end, and if you've read this far in the series, you should know that the last few chapters of this book contain the long-foreshadowed Big Fight. This self-portrait was written as a romance... but not every story gets a happy ending.
[The Stud is Book Five in a ten book series. You can read this as the mid-point of a four book arc. You should probably read the friends-to-lovers story (contained in the first three books) to understand the fullness of the characters, but this isn't strictly necessary. Book One, Book Four and Book Eight all serve as 'jumping in' points for the series.
It's Just Us Here: The Stud is a 118,000 word journey of two men connecting in a deep, spiritual way as they navigate a sexual relationship while juggling careers, friends and family.]
332 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 14, 2019
7 people are currently reading
138 people want to read
About the author
Christopher X. Sullivan
18 books141 followersHello,
I write all kinds of books. This pen name will mostly be MM focused.
In 2018 I started publishing my self-portrait, It's Just Us Here. Then I took a little break. Then covid break.
Now I'm back! I'll be more active on my newsletter (through substack) or on Patreon (for super readers and pre-orders!) or eventually I hope to set up a website.
Best,
Chris
I write all kinds of books. This pen name will mostly be MM focused.
In 2018 I started publishing my self-portrait, It's Just Us Here. Then I took a little break. Then covid break.
Now I'm back! I'll be more active on my newsletter (through substack) or on Patreon (for super readers and pre-orders!) or eventually I hope to set up a website.
Best,
Chris
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
January 20, 2019
**THROWS TABLET AT THE WALL!**
FUCK THIS! FUCK EVERYTHING!
Chris, this is for you. Thank you for the journey.
"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!"
If— BY RUDYARD KIPLING
FUCK THIS! FUCK EVERYTHING!
Chris, this is for you. Thank you for the journey.
"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!"
If— BY RUDYARD KIPLING
May 16, 2019
"Close your eyes and let go of your worries. I’ll guard you as you sleep. Nothing bad will happen while you’re with me. It’s just you and me here. And I’ll be with you in the morning.” He searched for my lips by following my breath. We kissed. “Always,” he promised."
Happy times are coming your way with this installment. Both men are generally happy on the surface. You guys will see plenty of proof of that. But! If you look a little deeper, you can see that something's amiss.
Chris continues to try and ignore his discomfort when it comes to sex. He made a compromise with himself: he's willing to go along with the sexy times, and as long as that makes Mark happy, he's happy too. He basically sacrificed the non-sexual part of him. And he believed that was enough. Mark certainly didn't say anything that would've indicated otherwise.
"He was very respectful of me about ninety-five percent of the time—but that other five percent was a wild Mark. It was a Mark that I didn’t like."
Mark made sacrifices too. He calmed down a lot for Chris. Less partying, and he demanded less sex (until the necklace), but it was still too much for Chris, and not enough for Mark. Sometimes I saw the frustration pouring out of him, but he clamped it down.
They give it their best shot at the time. I do believe they communicated with each other as best they could, as best they knew how.
"I love you... So much more than you will ever know."
I'm looking forward to the next installment. I'm curious to see how they solved their problems.
*this book was provided by the author for beta-reading purposes.*
May 25, 2019
*4,5 stars*
Darn.
That hurt.
Not as long as 8 months, Chris, but it hasn’t stop hurting since I finished this book yesterday. And I have been thinking about it a lot.
There’s so much love here, but love alone can’t solve all problems. Particularly when they aren’t really talked about. Chris and Mark are still madly in love (and in big parts very happy) in book 5 of this autobiographical series, but …
there are cracks underneath the shiny surface that start widening slowly.
Tbh, sometimes the dynamics in their relationship still befuddle me.
There are times when Mark comes across as a pushy asshole of the first order, and the reason why his actions are raising my hackles is because of Chris’s initial reactions.
For example: The gold chain. Chris hates it. He doesn’t want it. But Mark is super insistent that he wears it and Chris gives in (as always). For me that was a horrible scene (and combined with the sex and the way Mark stresses Chris out that evening I was very, very cross with Mark.)
BUT, and here it is: Chris loves that gold chain a very short time later. He uses it as his anchor and his link to Mark’s support that gives him the strength to challenge himself (like when )
This no/yes attitude by Chris is not easy to understand sometimes. Not that I like him less or anything, but I did hold my breath for him, that’s for sure.
However, to me, this is one of the lesser issues between them (because in the end it seems that both guys are happy with the end result).
What becomes increasingly clear though is that their arrangement for sex isn’t working.
The sex in the first part of the book is pretty painful to watch.
Mark goes on a ‘possessive streak’ like (mine, mine, mine!) demanding (and getting) sex way more often than agreed on, with Chris going into his ‘lie back and think of England’ (or whatever) mode and bearing it. He calls Mark ‘an animal’, someone who is physically and emotionally hurting him, but he does it anyway because he wants Mark to be happy. To me it felt like a violation and broke my heart.
If you get the impression now that Mark has turned into this giant douchebag. No, he isn’t. Not at all.
He, just like Chris, tries so hard to please his man. I mean the guy takes two bottles of mouthwash on a camping trip because he knows what Chris needs! He cleans up sick and looks after Chris when he is ill. He genuinely cares.
(Saying that, I find it hard to understand why Mark, despite his obvious love for Chris, doesn’t notice how much Chris hates all the sex at the beginning, that he’s hurting him. Is Chris really that good at putting on a show?)
BUT then we get the topping scene. and it is wonderful and uplifting And I got the distinctive impression that Chris loved it. So again.... I’m a bit confused here.
It seems that Mark’s insecurities have a lot to do with his behaviour. Insecurities Chris doesn’t really understand.
Like him denying that he is gay. Dare I say that I cringed every time Chris throws that sentence around? Even if it’s clear there are reasons and he simply can’t say anything like that about himself yet. But it’s no wonder it unsettles Mark.
Tbh, what got me most in this respect is Chris’s refusal to ‘come out’ for the book release party. He puts himself into a completely mad and untenable situation. He deeply regrets it, but if I was Mark, I would be blooming hurt, too! Not that he mentions it or puts pressure on Chris!
These and other issues cause a lot of negative undercurrents which finally blow with a vengeance when Mark finds out a secret Chris has been keeping from everyone. And darn what a secret! The Big Fight is actually not so much of a fight, as Mark totally losing it and Chris completely shutting down, as he does.
PAINFUL!
What Mark throws at Chris is horrible and virtually unforgivable. It seems impossible that there’s a comeback from that. (Thank God, we do know that it’s going to happen, though!)
So, as you see, things between Chris and Mark are complex and difficult. And sometimes confusing.
But this is real life. And it’s never as happy and easy as a romance novel.
And I, for my part, find Chris and Mark’s story very moving, heart-rending and … eye-opening.
Finally: Chris, I am calling you out on that link at the end! *G*
You know exactly what you are doing there, I know you do! You’re telling us ‘don’t read it, don’t read it’ – which in itself will entice loads of people to do exactly that, because that’s what people do LOL – and then you are supplying the link so we can just click and download!
OF COURSE! most readers will go for it. There is nothing like curiosity and you’ve done your best to make us really really nosy about the contents of that link!
(And I think if you really didn’t want us to read it you wouldn’t have put that link there!)
Amazing journey!
August 13th seems a long time away suddenly!
Darn.
That hurt.
Not as long as 8 months, Chris, but it hasn’t stop hurting since I finished this book yesterday. And I have been thinking about it a lot.
There’s so much love here, but love alone can’t solve all problems. Particularly when they aren’t really talked about. Chris and Mark are still madly in love (and in big parts very happy) in book 5 of this autobiographical series, but …
there are cracks underneath the shiny surface that start widening slowly.
Tbh, sometimes the dynamics in their relationship still befuddle me.
There are times when Mark comes across as a pushy asshole of the first order, and the reason why his actions are raising my hackles is because of Chris’s initial reactions.
For example: The gold chain. Chris hates it. He doesn’t want it. But Mark is super insistent that he wears it and Chris gives in (as always). For me that was a horrible scene (and combined with the sex and the way Mark stresses Chris out that evening I was very, very cross with Mark.)
BUT, and here it is: Chris loves that gold chain a very short time later. He uses it as his anchor and his link to Mark’s support that gives him the strength to challenge himself (like when )
This no/yes attitude by Chris is not easy to understand sometimes. Not that I like him less or anything, but I did hold my breath for him, that’s for sure.
However, to me, this is one of the lesser issues between them (because in the end it seems that both guys are happy with the end result).
What becomes increasingly clear though is that their arrangement for sex isn’t working.
The sex in the first part of the book is pretty painful to watch.
Mark goes on a ‘possessive streak’ like (mine, mine, mine!) demanding (and getting) sex way more often than agreed on, with Chris going into his ‘lie back and think of England’ (or whatever) mode and bearing it. He calls Mark ‘an animal’, someone who is physically and emotionally hurting him, but he does it anyway because he wants Mark to be happy. To me it felt like a violation and broke my heart.
If you get the impression now that Mark has turned into this giant douchebag. No, he isn’t. Not at all.
He, just like Chris, tries so hard to please his man. I mean the guy takes two bottles of mouthwash on a camping trip because he knows what Chris needs! He cleans up sick and looks after Chris when he is ill. He genuinely cares.
(Saying that, I find it hard to understand why Mark, despite his obvious love for Chris, doesn’t notice how much Chris hates all the sex at the beginning, that he’s hurting him. Is Chris really that good at putting on a show?)
BUT then we get the topping scene. and it is wonderful and uplifting And I got the distinctive impression that Chris loved it. So again.... I’m a bit confused here.
It seems that Mark’s insecurities have a lot to do with his behaviour. Insecurities Chris doesn’t really understand.
Like him denying that he is gay. Dare I say that I cringed every time Chris throws that sentence around? Even if it’s clear there are reasons and he simply can’t say anything like that about himself yet. But it’s no wonder it unsettles Mark.
Tbh, what got me most in this respect is Chris’s refusal to ‘come out’ for the book release party. He puts himself into a completely mad and untenable situation. He deeply regrets it, but if I was Mark, I would be blooming hurt, too! Not that he mentions it or puts pressure on Chris!
These and other issues cause a lot of negative undercurrents which finally blow with a vengeance when Mark finds out a secret Chris has been keeping from everyone. And darn what a secret! The Big Fight is actually not so much of a fight, as Mark totally losing it and Chris completely shutting down, as he does.
PAINFUL!
What Mark throws at Chris is horrible and virtually unforgivable. It seems impossible that there’s a comeback from that. (Thank God, we do know that it’s going to happen, though!)
So, as you see, things between Chris and Mark are complex and difficult. And sometimes confusing.
But this is real life. And it’s never as happy and easy as a romance novel.
And I, for my part, find Chris and Mark’s story very moving, heart-rending and … eye-opening.
Finally: Chris, I am calling you out on that link at the end! *G*
You know exactly what you are doing there, I know you do! You’re telling us ‘don’t read it, don’t read it’ – which in itself will entice loads of people to do exactly that, because that’s what people do LOL – and then you are supplying the link so we can just click and download!
OF COURSE! most readers will go for it. There is nothing like curiosity and you’ve done your best to make us really really nosy about the contents of that link!
(And I think if you really didn’t want us to read it you wouldn’t have put that link there!)
Amazing journey!
August 13th seems a long time away suddenly!
![Profile Image for annob [on hiatus].](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1674812294i%2F68231680._UX200_CR0%2C0%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
May 25, 2019
The books I love the most are notoriously hard to review. As is this one.
If you have read the previous books, you know this one has the dreaded Big Fight in it. Yet, up to that point in the story I had much fun reading about the continued crazy antics Chris and Mark experience together. An asexual at an orgy? Oh yes. And you will never guess what happens. Never! Maybe my humour is twisted but in this book even food poisoning is funny. I laughed so hard! (Sorry Chris, sorry Gabi)
Another memorable chapter was Enzo's, which I first read as a standalone story a year ago. This time around, I found the experience more fun and less intimidating than I originally did. Probably because I've gotten to know Chris and Mark better throughout the books, and it was clearer to me both of them were having a blast. And although full of nerves, the book release party was probably my favourite chapter. It was so great to finally see them both together with their big families and many friends.
As I talked the story over with two other beta readers, it became clear to me that I was pretty much oblivious to the cracks they could see forming between Chris and Mark in this book. All I saw was a Chris who increasingly felt happier and more confident with Mark by his side. Comfortable in his skin. Coming out to a cousin on his own terms. And a Mark that was absolutely crazy about him.
I cried my eyes out when the Big Fight happened. For Chris, for Mark and in part for myself as I once experienced a breakup of similar magnitude. This wasn't Chris getting his heart broken. We're watching his soul break.
But don't worry, your spirits will be lifted up from the depths of despair before the book ends. And hopefully you'll be as eager as me to read the next book, to find out how they get back together and become stronger than ever.
(This book was provided for free by the author for the purpose to beta-read prior to publication.)
If you have read the previous books, you know this one has the dreaded Big Fight in it. Yet, up to that point in the story I had much fun reading about the continued crazy antics Chris and Mark experience together. An asexual at an orgy? Oh yes. And you will never guess what happens. Never! Maybe my humour is twisted but in this book even food poisoning is funny. I laughed so hard! (Sorry Chris, sorry Gabi)
Another memorable chapter was Enzo's, which I first read as a standalone story a year ago. This time around, I found the experience more fun and less intimidating than I originally did. Probably because I've gotten to know Chris and Mark better throughout the books, and it was clearer to me both of them were having a blast. And although full of nerves, the book release party was probably my favourite chapter. It was so great to finally see them both together with their big families and many friends.
As I talked the story over with two other beta readers, it became clear to me that I was pretty much oblivious to the cracks they could see forming between Chris and Mark in this book. All I saw was a Chris who increasingly felt happier and more confident with Mark by his side. Comfortable in his skin. Coming out to a cousin on his own terms. And a Mark that was absolutely crazy about him.
I cried my eyes out when the Big Fight happened. For Chris, for Mark and in part for myself as I once experienced a breakup of similar magnitude. This wasn't Chris getting his heart broken. We're watching his soul break.
But don't worry, your spirits will be lifted up from the depths of despair before the book ends. And hopefully you'll be as eager as me to read the next book, to find out how they get back together and become stronger than ever.
(This book was provided for free by the author for the purpose to beta-read prior to publication.)
June 18, 2019
You know just when things get real good? And you stop worrying about certain things and ignore others, like it’s all smooth sailing from here on in? That’s most of this book.
If you’ve come to love Mark and Chris and their shenanigans over the previous four books, well, you’ll get some more lovely ones in this one. What sets Book 5 apart is that we get a little bit deeper, a little bit more reflective, we learn more about Mark’s psyche. It’s all just a little bit more, and it’s fantastic.
Finally, M&C are in a solid relationship, full of love and other drama. There’s orgies, romantic gestures, al fresco role playing. (The dirty talk game is getting out of hand, fellas! ‘I want you to howl like a wolf. Scream like a cow!’ Upon serious reflection, I don’t think cows scream, but, you know, whatever floats your boat.)
There’s nature (mis)adventures, holiday (mis)adventures, arts + crafts. And lots of sex, if you haven’t guessed that one already... The Book Party chapter that the story’s been leading up to is funny and touching and has a tinge of sadness.
Yeah, so it’s just when you’re accepting the good things as a given when life smacks you straight in the face. Everything can be upended in an unexpected moment. But I can’t say we don’t get warnings, because we do. Chris warns us again and again. But even knowing how this one’s going to end… when it happens, it’s emotionally devastating. The pain is palpable. The aftermath is ugly.
It’s so fucking well done.
If you’ve come to love Mark and Chris and their shenanigans over the previous four books, well, you’ll get some more lovely ones in this one. What sets Book 5 apart is that we get a little bit deeper, a little bit more reflective, we learn more about Mark’s psyche. It’s all just a little bit more, and it’s fantastic.
Finally, M&C are in a solid relationship, full of love and other drama. There’s orgies, romantic gestures, al fresco role playing. (The dirty talk game is getting out of hand, fellas! ‘I want you to howl like a wolf. Scream like a cow!’ Upon serious reflection, I don’t think cows scream, but, you know, whatever floats your boat.)
There’s nature (mis)adventures, holiday (mis)adventures, arts + crafts. And lots of sex, if you haven’t guessed that one already... The Book Party chapter that the story’s been leading up to is funny and touching and has a tinge of sadness.
Yeah, so it’s just when you’re accepting the good things as a given when life smacks you straight in the face. Everything can be upended in an unexpected moment. But I can’t say we don’t get warnings, because we do. Chris warns us again and again. But even knowing how this one’s going to end… when it happens, it’s emotionally devastating. The pain is palpable. The aftermath is ugly.
It’s so fucking well done.
April 19, 2019
Seriously. This is my favorite installment so far. At least 80% of this book is about Mark and Chris really blossoming as a couple; we get to laugh and fall more in love with them. I was honestly laughing out loud with their banter and the weird things that Chris spats in the most unexpected moments. Those three first months as a couple were total bliss! But alas, we knew what was coming and it didn't hurt any less. The Big Fight does indeed deserve the capital letters and the aftermath is a mess that thanks to Chris we don't have to endure in its entirety. It's interesting how I can read super angsty stories without a second thought but when it comes to real life events, I get all protective of this author well being. Bring in book 6, I'm more than ready for the make up and happy ending.
This book was given to me for beta-reading purposes.
This book was given to me for beta-reading purposes.
May 15, 2019
I went into this with a lot of trepidation. This is the one with the big fight, and I honestly had this horrible gut wrenching feeling every time I thought about getting to that part. But it's not til the very end and although it's pretty bad, I didn't cry. Yay! But I did feel pretty sick. I do hate fighting.
So because of my perhaps a little over the top anxiety about the books ending I thought I was going to take a lot of breaks, maybe read something else, and pick it up again at a later date. WRONG! I couldn't put it down. There are plenty of times I did have to stop but because I was laughing so much though. I don't know how I'm going to wait until the next one is out.
So because of my perhaps a little over the top anxiety about the books ending I thought I was going to take a lot of breaks, maybe read something else, and pick it up again at a later date. WRONG! I couldn't put it down. There are plenty of times I did have to stop but because I was laughing so much though. I don't know how I'm going to wait until the next one is out.
July 27, 2019
So the worst part about this book is that I'm now caught up with the series and will have to patiently wait for book 6, which is easier said than done as this book has the most cliffhanger ending so far in the series
Read
October 3, 2020I'm really similar to Chris in a lot of ways, I also have lots of 'quirks', and I wouldn't be able to look at their face if someone had said what Mark said to Chris to me. Chris must be a very forgiving soul to be able to reconcile with Mark, or maybe I just can't make sense how he loves Mark deeply because I'm aro-ace. Both are possible.
March 19, 2020
Each book in this series seems to get a little better than the one before, this one, equally well written, had lots of sex, fun, and adventure with Chris and Mark getting more and more into a sexual relationship. Mark is still slightly arrogant now and then but Chris is becoming more confident in himself, if not a little OCD on things. BUT, BUT, OH, that ending! It has left me shattered and in tears. We knew it was coming, the author well prepared us, but it was still heartbreakingly painful to read, poor Chris.
August 25, 2019
Die besten Geschichten schreibt das Leben selbst.
Wieder ein Beweis dafuer; egal wie glaubhaft eine fiktive Geschichte ist, es ist und bleibt eine erfundene Geschichte. Eine wahre Geschichte lässt einen jedoch nicht so schnell los. Ich fühle mich regelrecht wie vom Panzer überrollt. Emotional ausgewrungen. Sowas findet wirklich im wahren Leben statt? ..Uh, wow.
F#ck, ich fasse es einfach nicht, dass die beiden es geschafft haben mich in deren Sog zu ziehen...
Wieder ein Beweis dafuer; egal wie glaubhaft eine fiktive Geschichte ist, es ist und bleibt eine erfundene Geschichte. Eine wahre Geschichte lässt einen jedoch nicht so schnell los. Ich fühle mich regelrecht wie vom Panzer überrollt. Emotional ausgewrungen. Sowas findet wirklich im wahren Leben statt? ..Uh, wow.
F#ck, ich fasse es einfach nicht, dass die beiden es geschafft haben mich in deren Sog zu ziehen...
Read
March 20, 2021Assigning this book a star rating feels wrong since this series (largely) isn't fiction, and I don't especially want to rate someone else's life.
This is also a weird book to write about because normally, I want to avoid spoilers, but if you're following this series, you've had the broad strokes spelled out to you repeatedly for several books, now. Our author has not so much foreshadowed the broad strokes of this couple's future, he's outright spoiled them by way of content warning. He warns us about the Big Fight for several books, and it's slow-motion-car-wreck bad.
In prior books, I bristled at this, but in this volume, something else becomes clear: this is intensely painful for Sullivan to write about. I think this is the first time a particular word gets used that I don't think has ever been used before in the series.
The Big Fight and its aftermath take us to what's probably the most frustrating element of this book (and - spoiler, sorry - which very much rears its head in the follow-up novel): at this point, really big gaps appear in this self-portrait. In some ways, Sullivan has told us in somewhat-exhaustive detail about his friendship and romance with Mark throughout the series, and we have reason to believe he's not really holding anything back from us, but the Big Fight hinges on something about which we had no idea.
Sullivan then fast-forwards us by eight months, only giving us the broadest strokes about really, really important bad things that happened. In the books leading up to this, we've gotten the sense that Sullivan could be secretive with the people in his life at the time, but the books so far had led me to believe he was sharing more or less everything with us.
He doesn't have to, of course; it's his prerogative to share as much or little has he wants. However, this isn't so much like a series of romance novels as it is a saga, and the stuff he skips over can't help but be relevant to the story as it moves forward.
This books helps us understand Mark better than the ones before; he goes from being larger-than-life to feeling much more human and relatable. Also, I'm marking this next with a spoiler tag because it's rude to armchair-diagnose people:
This book also made me aware of something that I already knew, intellectually: Sullivan tells us that this series will end with a HEA, but it's increasingly clear that it can't end on anything other than a HFN. (That's not a criticism, as relationships generally only end one of two ways: people break up or they die.) There was no way, particularly given how heavily Sullivan warns us, we were going to walk away from this book feeling solid about their relationship. I finished the book last night and had trouble sleeping as I chewed on its tragic ending note.
And now I've typed numerous words, and haven't even mentioned that before the Big Fight, there's a lot of Chris and Mark being very happy together. There's romance, warmth, sexiness, squishiness, and some stuff that will either make you laugh or cringe. In short, it's another "It's Just Us Here" book, although this is one that'll less make us stan ChrisMark and more plead for them to get counselling.
This is also a weird book to write about because normally, I want to avoid spoilers, but if you're following this series, you've had the broad strokes spelled out to you repeatedly for several books, now. Our author has not so much foreshadowed the broad strokes of this couple's future, he's outright spoiled them by way of content warning. He warns us about the Big Fight for several books, and it's slow-motion-car-wreck bad.
In prior books, I bristled at this, but in this volume, something else becomes clear: this is intensely painful for Sullivan to write about. I think this is the first time a particular word gets used that I don't think has ever been used before in the series.
The Big Fight and its aftermath take us to what's probably the most frustrating element of this book (and - spoiler, sorry - which very much rears its head in the follow-up novel): at this point, really big gaps appear in this self-portrait. In some ways, Sullivan has told us in somewhat-exhaustive detail about his friendship and romance with Mark throughout the series, and we have reason to believe he's not really holding anything back from us, but the Big Fight hinges on something about which we had no idea.
Sullivan then fast-forwards us by eight months, only giving us the broadest strokes about really, really important bad things that happened. In the books leading up to this, we've gotten the sense that Sullivan could be secretive with the people in his life at the time, but the books so far had led me to believe he was sharing more or less everything with us.
He doesn't have to, of course; it's his prerogative to share as much or little has he wants. However, this isn't so much like a series of romance novels as it is a saga, and the stuff he skips over can't help but be relevant to the story as it moves forward.
This books helps us understand Mark better than the ones before; he goes from being larger-than-life to feeling much more human and relatable. Also, I'm marking this next with a spoiler tag because it's rude to armchair-diagnose people:
This book also made me aware of something that I already knew, intellectually: Sullivan tells us that this series will end with a HEA, but it's increasingly clear that it can't end on anything other than a HFN. (That's not a criticism, as relationships generally only end one of two ways: people break up or they die.) There was no way, particularly given how heavily Sullivan warns us, we were going to walk away from this book feeling solid about their relationship. I finished the book last night and had trouble sleeping as I chewed on its tragic ending note.
And now I've typed numerous words, and haven't even mentioned that before the Big Fight, there's a lot of Chris and Mark being very happy together. There's romance, warmth, sexiness, squishiness, and some stuff that will either make you laugh or cringe. In short, it's another "It's Just Us Here" book, although this is one that'll less make us stan ChrisMark and more plead for them to get counselling.
December 28, 2022
This book managed perfectly what it set out to do: show the cracks in an increasingly unhealthy relationship and its eventual culmination in 'The Big Fight' I'd been worried about since Book 1.
Some quotes from the journey (where I'm picking out the worst tbh amidst other happier and funnier moments but these are key moments that if you're not okay with reading or thinking about you won't enjoy this series):
The writer describes their sex life as rather vanilla (p. 353) but I know that I d0ubt I would ever be able to make the following statement:
and is promptly pissed on by a pissed guy.
Increased Possessiveness
That results in disrespected boundaries (see p. 135) as Mark keeps jumping him when he sees the necklace around his neck:
and
due to the problematic association of love=sex
Non-con
Even more cracks
This book does not truly read like part of the one million word love letter (p. 309).
F+ck the world that equates normal with 'good', and anything that's different is connoted with 'bad'.
Sex, sex, sex
Content Warning: Pain Medication Addiction (not on page but described)
Pages 427-428 about wrecked me.
Some quotes from the journey (where I'm picking out the worst tbh amidst other happier and funnier moments but these are key moments that if you're not okay with reading or thinking about you won't enjoy this series):
"I just don't want to shove anything up anyone's butt! It's a poop hole, dammit! Poop comes out of that hole." (p. 10)
The writer describes their sex life as rather vanilla (p. 353) but I know that I d0ubt I would ever be able to make the following statement:
"Is this even real life? I'm in the bathtub, just outside of an orgy party–"
"–Just call it an 'orgy'" (p.18)
and is promptly pissed on by a pissed guy.
Increased Possessiveness
"I want you to wear this. I want to see it [necklace] on you." Possessive. He wants to possess me. He wants to brand me..." (p. 59)
That results in disrespected boundaries (see p. 135) as Mark keeps jumping him when he sees the necklace around his neck:
"And after that third day of sex, I was able to enter a haze in my mind where I didn't really pay attention to what was happening to my body. But it made me sad. I felt increasingly fragile and frayed. I was conscious of my body in a way I had never been before." (p.84)
and
He still takes advantage of me. Basically anytime we have sex, I do it for him. There are some exceptions....when I genuinely get into it. (p.86)
due to the problematic association of love=sex
Getting sex mixed up with romance again. Am I the only one that can separate the two? (p.92)
Non-con
"I saw your ass swinging so beautiful and ripe–" "YOU'RE SO SELFISH! IT'S PATHETIC!" I roared. (p.133)
Even more cracks
Mark and I weren't perfect. In some ways we were definitely made for each other, but we also fed into the worst aspects of each other." (p. 250);
"...we were approaching a level of codependence–I couldn't deny that." (p.253);
"I wanted to be fine and normal, so part of me lived in denial of my anxiety. I also wanted my relationship with Mark to be fine and normal, so I continued to live in even more blissful denial as the foundation of our relationship slowly eroded and I became nothing more than a shell of my formerly–independent self." (p. 307)
This book does not truly read like part of the one million word love letter (p. 309).
F+ck the world that equates normal with 'good', and anything that's different is connoted with 'bad'.
"FUCK YOU!" he screamed. "Fuck you and your autistic shit. I'm done! I'm out."
"I'm not autistic," I said, appalled.
"Open. Your fucking. Eyes. Autistic doesn't mean you're a retard. How can't you see that you've got it? Everyone knows it. Everyone." (p. 381)
"Maybe I'm a little neurodivergent. I'm certainly not neurotypical. [...] What's normal for me isn't normal for everyone else." (p. 392)
Sex, sex, sex
"I am obsessed with sex. I guess Mark was right about that, too. How can't I be? I feel constantly under threat. Every single advertisement is selling some form of sex." (p. 398)
Content Warning: Pain Medication Addiction (not on page but described)
Pages 427-428 about wrecked me.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 30, 2023
Dear Chris, your husband loves you like crazy!
I literally can't figure out how I want to go about reviewing this book because frankly it feels like two very different things happen in this book and I'm jubilant about one and a little indifferent regarding the other. This is so confusing, let me try again.
This book begins with Mark and Chris in a relationship and I don't care what Chris says their relationship is perfect. I can't seem to get over just how attentive and caring and loving Mark is and it feels weird to say in a book which sees them broken up by the end. I don't know how accurate I'm about this but I think the auther once talked about making the reader fall in love with Mark especially as this series is all about him falling in love with Mark and frankly, he completely succeeded with this book.
I can't even begin to talk about how heartfelt and emotional their relationship is, it feels solid and I'm not kidding. Chris, you probably need to hear this but there was no way in hell you and Mark weren't going to make it even after the Big Fight. I feel like the author really built up the Big Fight so that when it really happened my anticipation of it made it fall flat especially because you don't get the full context behind the Fight in the book. The Big Fight pales in comparison to just how magnificent their relationship is. When I read about these two it's tough to be oblivious to the fact that these two are clearly made for each other. And when two people are that perfect for each other there is no way the can just drift apart.
This book really caught me off guard because this entire time reading this series you are confronted by how much the author's life has changed since he started his relationship with Mark but all of sudden in this book you are brought to the realisation that Mark's life has changed equally as much as the author's. This sentiment caught me so off guard because I realised that we have been looking at things wholly from Chris' perspective. The author literally tries to remind you that he is biased in his view of Mark (seeing as he loves him) and this memoir at times tends to not succeed at bringing out Mark's faults but frankly, I feel like Mark might very well be perfect and every time the author tries to dissuade you from thinking of Mark as Prince Charming only seems to strengthen the case.
I really liked this instalment in the series. The Big Fight that I was curious to find out about didn't live up to my expectations but the rest had me pleasantly surprised and I loved it. This book really made me happy because Chris and Mark's relationship was just that dang good in it!
I literally can't figure out how I want to go about reviewing this book because frankly it feels like two very different things happen in this book and I'm jubilant about one and a little indifferent regarding the other. This is so confusing, let me try again.
This book begins with Mark and Chris in a relationship and I don't care what Chris says their relationship is perfect. I can't seem to get over just how attentive and caring and loving Mark is and it feels weird to say in a book which sees them broken up by the end. I don't know how accurate I'm about this but I think the auther once talked about making the reader fall in love with Mark especially as this series is all about him falling in love with Mark and frankly, he completely succeeded with this book.
I can't even begin to talk about how heartfelt and emotional their relationship is, it feels solid and I'm not kidding. Chris, you probably need to hear this but there was no way in hell you and Mark weren't going to make it even after the Big Fight. I feel like the author really built up the Big Fight so that when it really happened my anticipation of it made it fall flat especially because you don't get the full context behind the Fight in the book. The Big Fight pales in comparison to just how magnificent their relationship is. When I read about these two it's tough to be oblivious to the fact that these two are clearly made for each other. And when two people are that perfect for each other there is no way the can just drift apart.
This book really caught me off guard because this entire time reading this series you are confronted by how much the author's life has changed since he started his relationship with Mark but all of sudden in this book you are brought to the realisation that Mark's life has changed equally as much as the author's. This sentiment caught me so off guard because I realised that we have been looking at things wholly from Chris' perspective. The author literally tries to remind you that he is biased in his view of Mark (seeing as he loves him) and this memoir at times tends to not succeed at bringing out Mark's faults but frankly, I feel like Mark might very well be perfect and every time the author tries to dissuade you from thinking of Mark as Prince Charming only seems to strengthen the case.
I really liked this instalment in the series. The Big Fight that I was curious to find out about didn't live up to my expectations but the rest had me pleasantly surprised and I loved it. This book really made me happy because Chris and Mark's relationship was just that dang good in it!
December 18, 2023
This one really hit me hard. In order not to repeat the comments from the previous books (which are all still true), it's also worth mentioning that putting the sexual differences aside, there are other serious relationship issues here - the main ones are socioeconomic status differences (and insecurities about them from both sides), and queer-closet issue that becomes more and more pressing as the relationship establishes. It's detailed, and sad, and stressful, all while not being too melodramatic.
It's also worth mentioning that some parts are really funny! I haven't written that before in the other reviews - it was so in the previous books either, but here I found myself laughing out loud uncontrollably more than once, and that's very rare. Also, in some parts I had the practically unicorn experience of laughing and crying at the same time - about awkward and frightening situations, that somehow were placed in a safe environment, and were written in an extremely funny manner. It's hard to explain, and it surprised me too, I think it never happened to me before with a book.
But as said, the ending really hit me hard. Especially I'd like to highlight the beginning of the chapter "Distress Call" (which has a thorough trigger warning for a reason). I've read A LOT of angst romances, and breakups aren't big news to me in those - they normally happen at least once a book, and usually are emotionally hard. But this chapter is so unique in its emotional description, I've never read anything like that before. At some point, I couldn't continue until the next morning, with my partner cuddling sleepily next to me (which also was wisely advised in the trigger warning). Also, I'm not much of a thriller reader, but after that, I'd actually like to read some of Chris's thrillers and mysteries... Hope there's a way to get the list of the other books written by pseudonym.
It's also worth mentioning that some parts are really funny! I haven't written that before in the other reviews - it was so in the previous books either, but here I found myself laughing out loud uncontrollably more than once, and that's very rare. Also, in some parts I had the practically unicorn experience of laughing and crying at the same time - about awkward and frightening situations, that somehow were placed in a safe environment, and were written in an extremely funny manner. It's hard to explain, and it surprised me too, I think it never happened to me before with a book.
But as said, the ending really hit me hard. Especially I'd like to highlight the beginning of the chapter "Distress Call" (which has a thorough trigger warning for a reason). I've read A LOT of angst romances, and breakups aren't big news to me in those - they normally happen at least once a book, and usually are emotionally hard. But this chapter is so unique in its emotional description, I've never read anything like that before. At some point, I couldn't continue until the next morning, with my partner cuddling sleepily next to me (which also was wisely advised in the trigger warning). Also, I'm not much of a thriller reader, but after that, I'd actually like to read some of Chris's thrillers and mysteries... Hope there's a way to get the list of the other books written by pseudonym.
August 29, 2020
Amazing
This is the first review I’ve left after reading all 5. I have never had so much anticipation anxiety leading up to what I had with The Big Fight. I googled this series early on and saw top of the blurb for book 6 ugh! I thought I’d given myself a spoiler. No that fight is referenced fairly often through the early books which had me wondering why it wasn’t left as a surprise. I know why now and I would have been emotionally destroyed had I not had warning for that 😂. I LOVE the way the author jumps in to explain things or with other tidbits! What an interesting way to tell your story. Not your typical romance for sure and somehow these guys shortcomings, lack of communication, not revealing sexual orientations...by either of them, perfect timing, not so perfect timing 😂 has resulted in a series of events that would be the only way they could have gotten together. I really see no other way it could have worked out with this perfectly imperfect series of events. I love the way this author describes things and the way they put words together. I hope one day I accidentally stumble on their other work, even if I don’t realise it.
This is the first review I’ve left after reading all 5. I have never had so much anticipation anxiety leading up to what I had with The Big Fight. I googled this series early on and saw top of the blurb for book 6 ugh! I thought I’d given myself a spoiler. No that fight is referenced fairly often through the early books which had me wondering why it wasn’t left as a surprise. I know why now and I would have been emotionally destroyed had I not had warning for that 😂. I LOVE the way the author jumps in to explain things or with other tidbits! What an interesting way to tell your story. Not your typical romance for sure and somehow these guys shortcomings, lack of communication, not revealing sexual orientations...by either of them, perfect timing, not so perfect timing 😂 has resulted in a series of events that would be the only way they could have gotten together. I really see no other way it could have worked out with this perfectly imperfect series of events. I love the way this author describes things and the way they put words together. I hope one day I accidentally stumble on their other work, even if I don’t realise it.
July 26, 2020
Listen up. Yes, you. That's what you're going to do right now: pick up this self-portrait book and read it.
This book is not what you've ever read. It's probably because it's not fictional at all. It's like autobiography but not really. It's about love, true love. Those men exist and live somewhere in Illinois, they have their own problems, just like everyone else. But it's important. That's what Chris, the author and the main character wants: he wants this story to live. This love to be unforgettable, immortal and OURS. It's not just them there. Make this true love story live in you, pick up that book and read it. Read about some sacrifice, some love-making, some kissing and touching, some teasing, some REAL LIFE.
To me, it's perfect.
Let it be alive and immortal.
Just go and read it.
Chris is a very good man. I don't know him, but I kind of feel like I've been knowing him for years. And I want his story to live and be known.
So, read it. Do it. Don't think to much.
This book is not what you've ever read. It's probably because it's not fictional at all. It's like autobiography but not really. It's about love, true love. Those men exist and live somewhere in Illinois, they have their own problems, just like everyone else. But it's important. That's what Chris, the author and the main character wants: he wants this story to live. This love to be unforgettable, immortal and OURS. It's not just them there. Make this true love story live in you, pick up that book and read it. Read about some sacrifice, some love-making, some kissing and touching, some teasing, some REAL LIFE.
To me, it's perfect.
Let it be alive and immortal.
Just go and read it.
Chris is a very good man. I don't know him, but I kind of feel like I've been knowing him for years. And I want his story to live and be known.
So, read it. Do it. Don't think to much.
January 5, 2023
Me gusto mucho, pero la verdad siento que mark es demasiado egoista
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews