Food and Loathing: A Life Measured Out in Calories

by Betsy Lerner

With warmth, wit, and not a trace of self-pity" ( Entertainment Weekly ), Betsy Lerner details her twenty-year struggle with depression and compulsive eating in Food and Loathing, a book that dares to expose the insidious nature of women's secret life with food.
"Alternating between hilarious and heartbreaking" ( People ), Food and Loathing gives voice to one of the last taboo subjects and greatest stigmas of our being overweight. Lerner's revelations on the cult of thinness -- from the dreaded weigh-in at junior high gym class to the effects of inhaling Pepperidge Farm Goldfish at Olympic speeds -- are universally resonant, as is her belief that this is one battle no one should fight alone.
Essential reading for anyone who has ever wielded a fork in despair or calculated her self-worth on the morning scale, "Lerner's lament is a triumph" ( Publishers Weekly ).

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Food, Biography, Psychology, Biography Memoir, Mental Health

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2003

Reviews

[Rachel Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

A lightweight memoir about compulsive overeating.

I've read a couple of memoirs about eating disorders and/or body image issues, mostly because I read a lot of memoirs in general. By far the best-written was the anorexia/bulimia memoir Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia, by Marya Hornbacher. I liked the latter so much that I gave it to a friend of mine who is interested in psychology, only to discover much later, to my chagrin, that she had wondered if I was trying to send her some kind of message. That book is intense.

However, with others I have a sick tendency to enjoy the loving food descriptions on the exact same level that I would enjoy those in a cookbook. Compulsive eaters are second only to food writers in their ability to conjure up the complex web of emotions and sensations associated with eating.

Lerner becomes a compulsive overeater at a very young age, spends years under the care of a clueless psychiatrist, and finally ends up in a mental hospital after a suicide attempt. She contemplates jumping off a bridge, but is interrupted by a man who had been beating off in the bushes. This is definitely the best truth-is-stranger-than-fiction moment in the book.

Women in America have huge issues with body image, weight, and food. I am one of only about two or three American women I've ever met who has never been on a diet, and I have known a lot of women with eating disorders and body image obsessions. So a book on eating disorders and body image had better either address those issues in sociopolitical context or else be one heck of a compelling story. Lerner's book didn't quite make it for me on either count. More humor would probably have helped, and more of a focus on the interplay between her dysfunctional brain chemistry (she turns out to be bipolar) and the dysfunctional circumstances of her life.

[Anne-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The cover of the book reads: "Food and Loathing" then there is a picture of a mirror and underneath that, in a smaller font: "A Lament". How clever is that? I am so burned out on "Memoir" after titles.

Why else I love this book in 15 quotes and 1 fun fact:

"My mother and I endlessly debated about her inner life."

"Thank God we are atheist."

"I knew even then that my bid for attention was craven."

"I could fit into the size tens and twelves in my wardrobe, which doubtless resembled the closets of many women who struggle with their weight: filled with increasingly stylish clothes in the smaller sizes and more muumuu like cover-ups at the high end."

" . . . when she wasn't home I sneaked into her studio. I admired the way she arranged tiny rows of blue glass and shells. She had a marvelous way of organizing textures and shapes into patterns. And I envied everything about her little world; even the brushes fanned out in a jar of turpentine looked exquisite."

"She picked up the receiver and dialed information, pressing the numbers with her thumb, a detail I found myself weirdly fixated on."

"Your depression and your compulsive eating are inextricably linked."

"The show made me feel that much more pathetic, indulged, unworthy. My own self-loathing was like a furnace; there was nothing that didn't feed it."

"I hadn't been able to trust since the age of four. I was torn between wanting to be cradled and telling the world to go fuck itself, and those were opposite sides of the same coin."

". . . away from the messy emotions of a polluted girl floating in a pond of her own making."

"What I want to know it whether we're supposed to change or just accept who we are?"

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference. I still didn't know the difference."

"I had officially joined the cacophony of sick mother fuckers."

"Nothing was a more powerful compass of my mood or a better indication of my self-worth than the number on the scale."

"I could only trust someone who distinguished between people, who was discriminating, who could be cruel."

Also mentioned briefly in the book is Brigid Berlin of Andy Warhol fame. It was funny because Lerner was describing what OA was like and I thought about the John Water's documentary about Brigid Berlin and then Lerner writes about becoming friends with her on the next couple of pages.

[Savannah Beckman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Less informative than I thought, but a great memoir. My heart breaks that mental health was ever treated this way.

[Jen (The Jenerator) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hrumph. Eh.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Betsy Lerner. I ran out to get this book after reading The Forest for the Trees (Revised and Updated): An Editor's Advice to Writers, just because I wanted to spend more time with Betsy Lerner. And I got my wish-this memoir is not focused on the craft of writing, as Forest is, but on the difficulties of living, of family, of relationships-with self, others, and food. While her struggles remains uniquely hers, I felt comforted in hard-to-define ways in the struggles of my own life. Lerner just can't seem to help giving to others, even as she takes center stage on the page, there feels like room for all of us with her.

[Susan Bazzett-Griffith · Rating 2 out of 5]

I almost gave this book three stars; the quality of writing was great. Lerner has a lovely way with words and her voice definitely draws a reader in. That said, this book wasn't that interesting or fun to read. In fact, it was all around depressing, and there was much less, in terms of growth, that I was expecting from the author by the end of the book. It seemed that she blames her disordered eating and thinking about food mostly on her mental health disease and her family, which does seem to reflect her experiences, but at the same time, makes a reader wonder how reliable a narrator she actually is, as she doesn't necessarily ever "get better" from this line of thinking. I don't know- I simply didn't enjoy the book enough to give it more than 2 stars. Disappointing, as the author is a talented writer.

[Abby · Rating 2 out of 5]

For some reason, a random ledge in the laundry room of my apartment building has become a book exchange. Usually, the books are Danielle Steele, sci-fi paperbacks and westerns. And then one day in January, I saw this hot pink Food and Loathing, complete with a mirror on its cover, like that fancy TIME magazine about me!

Anyway it was a half decent read about a tubby poet with low self-esteem, her suicide attempts and fleeting sexual exploits. Oh, and her parents, which is probably what makes it the best. Anyway, worth reading, if you read stuff like this about people and food, which I, obviously, do.

[Nita · Rating 5 out of 5]

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I felt sad at the end of the book when she didn't give us the true secret of getting and staying thin. Then I remembered this was a memoir - a story of her journey - not a self-help book and I became grateful for her honesty. Very well written. A story not only of a woman's battle with her weight, but with her mental health. A picture of the challenges of dealing with mental illness and how it is treated in children and adults. Moving. Worth reading again.

[Kirsti · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read an excerpt from this memoir, and it stuck with me for a long time. So it was interesting to read the whole thing.

I'm glad that doctors are becoming more skilled at treating depression, mania, and eating disorders. Also, I think people are much more accepting of anger in girls and women these days. So many memoirs are by women who were volcanically angry for years before they were even able to identify their feelings as anger.

[Nancy Peacock · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one of the most readable books I've ever read. I flew through it the way I sometimes fly through a bag of chips or a box of cookies. I am a big fan of Lerner's book on editing for writers, The Forest for the Trees, so I am not surprised that she can write well. What did surprise me was the risk she was willing to take in telling her own story. This is a brave and honest book about self esteem and loss disguising itself in calories.

[Devon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think it was hard for me to read this book because the whole time I was saying to myself "You're miserable because you're a size 14?! Get a life!" I know that's not helpful at all to someone suffering from obvious mental problems (she's bipolar, we find out in the end) but it did color my reading of the book.

[Esther Bradley-detally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book twice, and bumped it up a final star. In 2009; i don't know what was going on in my life, but this time, I loved Lerner's droll and spunky voice, and read a long passage to friends in a wriring group. It's good; i am sympatico to her views and now I am going to look for her other book; kudos to Betsy Lerner

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

1975 war Betsy Lerner ein ganz normaler Teenager mit einem kleinen Problem: sie war zu dick, zumindest in ihren Augen. Deshalb ging sie gemeinsam mit ihren Eltern zu den OA, den Overeaters Anonymous, um abzunehmen. Die ersten Erfolge stellten sich schnell ein, Betsy war sogar eine der Erfolgsgeschichten ihrer Gruppe. Aber der Erfolg hielt nicht an. Betsy nahm wieder zu und die Schuldgefühle deswegen setzten einen Prozess in Gang, der ihr Leben jahrelang bestimmen sollte.

Betsys Geschichte beginnt mit dem wöchentlichen Wiegen an ihrer Schule. Das war immer eine Qual für sie, denn die meisten anderen Mädchen in ihrer Klasse waren viel dünner und schöner als sie. Deshalb war sie froh, dass es zumindest ein Mädchen in der Klasse gab, die dicker war als sie.

Die Idee, zu den OA zu gehen, kam von ihren Eltern weil die ganze Familie mit Gewichtsproblemen zu kämpfen hatte. In wieweit das wirklich stimmte, kann ich nicht beurteilen. Ich habe den Eindruck, dass das Gewicht in Betsys Familie so eine große Rolle spielte, dass man keinen neutralen Blick darauf hatte. Aber ich habe auch nicht gelesen, dass die Eltern Betsy wegen ihres Gewichts angesprochen hätten. Die Eltern nahmen die Teilnahme an den Treffen auch nicht so ernst wie ihre Tochter, sie schummelten ab und zu während Betsy sich streng an ihr Programm hielt.

Vielleicht war deshalb Betsys Schuldbewusstsein so groß, als sie das erste Mal "versagte". Anfangs versuchte sie noch, sich an das Programm zu halten, aber irgendwann gab sie auf. Wenn der innere Druck zu groß wurde, aß Betsy alle was sie in die Finger bekommen konnte. Der Wunsch, perfekt zu sein und das Gefühl, nicht gut genug zu sein konnte sie nur auf diese Art beruhigen.

Bald hatte das Verhalten Folgen auf die anderen Aspekte in ihrem Leben. Betsy konnte sich nicht mehr auf ihr Studium und ihre Arbeit konzentrieren Irgendwann erkannte sie, dass sie professionelle Hilfe brauchte. Zuerst in einer Praxis, später ließ sie sich in eine Klinik einweisen. Mich haben besonders die Erinnerungen an die gemeinsamen Sitzungen mit den Eltern betroffen gemacht, während denen die älteren Schwestern immer gelobt wurden, Betsys Probleme aber komplett ignoriert wurden. Wie alles, was nicht in das vermeintlich heile Bild passte gab es nicht.

Lange Zeit wurde die Verbindung zwischen Betsys Essstörung und ihrer bipolaren Störung nicht gemacht und so jeweils nur eines ihrer Probleme behandelt. Erst als das passierte, ging es ihr langsam besser.

Food and loathing hinterlässt einen faden Beigeschmack bei mir. Auf der einen Seite wird ein junges Mädchen fast schon in eine Essstörung gedrängt, weil sie dem gängigen Schönheitsideal nicht entsprochen hat. Wäre das auch passiert, wenn Betsys von ihren Eltern mehr Verständnis erfahren hätte? Wie sehr sie das geprägt hat, wird deutlich als Betsy mit dem Kinderarzt ihrer Tochter über deren mögliches Übergewicht spricht, obwohl es dafür keinen Anlass gibt. Glücklicherweise hat der Verständnis für sie und nimmt sich ausreichend Zeit, mit ihr darüber zu sprechen und ihre Bedenken zu zerstreuen. Genauso ging es mir mit der Behandlung von Betsys Depressionen. Sie erzählt aus einer Zeit, in der Prozac gerade auf den Markt kam und zumindest in den USA als das neue Wundermedikament gefeiert wurde und sich deshalb um die Ursachen gekümmert wurde.

Betsy Lerner hat es geschafft, sich aus dieser ungesunden Dynamik zu befreien, auch wenn der Weg lang war. Es ist die Geschichte von falsch verstandenen Schönheitsidealen und dem falschen Bild einer schönen Welt.

[Anne Bennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read as part of a Psychology Class project. As librarian I was trying to find good books for students to read in small groups. This book is about over-eating and the relationship to depression. The book was "dated" in its pop culture references. The best part I liked and thought was valuable was how it exposed psychiatry for the imprecise branch of medicine it is.

(Catching up on old reviews from pre-blogging and pre-Goodreads days. Written on 7/23/21 but the book was read years ago. I'm working off my notes.)

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the writing but found this book lacking. It seemed like somehow the dots never quite were connected. She spends a lot of time telling us that she binged but I don’t think she ever describes how she felt before, during, or after a binge, and that would have been far more affecting. As it is, it reads more like a simple recounting, lacking much emotion. There were passages that did stand out and even were reminiscent of The Bell Jar in their ability to absolutely sink you, but overall this book seemed like it never found its purpose.

[Pat Edwards · Rating 1 out of 5]

Disappointing, but not meeting my expectations is my problem, I guess.

[Tiare · Rating 3 out of 5]

I chose this book to read right now because I wanted to read a memoir, and it seemed light enough I could read it quickly, which I did. All in a few hours. I liked it, I just didn’t LOVE it.

[Jessica Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorites! It got me through a lot.

[Karen-Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was hard for me to read. I have struggled with my weight my entire life but nothing like this. It depressed me and made me feel so sad for her.

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Challenging and heartbreaking, Betsy Lerner chronicles her battle with obesity and food in this memoir.

[Karen Beutler]

Not on info soup

[Laranuessel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This could have been written about me. Except for the lithium. And the hospitals. And the OA. And I live in Colorado. So, yes, it could have been written about me.

[jennifer l shockley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know if it's supposed to be, but this book is hilarious. It was such a relief when I first read it, probably because I was bulimic at the time, but being able to identify and just 'get' what she was saying, well that was the start of my crumbling facade. I just so get that feeling that you cannot EAT FAST ENOUGH to fill thee emptiness. And then the inevitable sense of guilt.

Her desperation does speak loudly in the book, though. And she was certainly lucky to have parents with wealth, who could afford (and cared) to see her through to health. That and her smarts, coupled with her educational opportunities, prodded her towards a better life.

If I have one reservation, it's that Ms. Lerner seems to have been a little spoiled. She never had to worry about necessities, and spent most of her time hanging out with friends, reading, and smoking pot. Sometimes the story can come off a bit self-indulgent. It seems a lot of memoirs of mental illness (Girl, Interrupted, Prozac Nation, The Center Cannot Hold) are written by upper class, or at least upper middle class white females with high IQs whose parents could afford to spend large sums of money on their betterment. There are some memoirs written by those in other situations (A Piece of Cake for example), but more are needed.

Overall though, I really enjoyed reading Ms. Lerner's book.
Jennifer Shockley

[Meghan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just finished this memoir and should maybe take some time to process it before writing a review, but I'm afraid I'll forget what I want to say. This memoir isn't what I expected. It's more about Betsy's mental illness and being institutionalized. I understand that this is directly related to her eating disorder, but I just felt that the eating disorder took a backseat to everything else. If I had known, I may not have read this book.

That's not to say that this is a bad memoir. It's well-written, and Betsy's depression is palpable. I found it interesting that The Bell Jar was mentioned a few times in the memoir, because I found her writing to be Plath-like. It's rather depressing. Again, that doesn't make it bad. I'm just used to reading food memoirs that are on the lighter side and more a little more comic.

Anyway, I'm so glad Betsy came out on the other side. I cheered when she began to feel alive and wanted to leave the hospital. I was so happy when she and John got together, and hope they still are. This one has a happy ending.

[Nik Maack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written. Profoundly dark and challenging. An excellent book.

I have issues with food and binging, so the title alone drew me in. The book pulls no punches, coming across as honest, real, without either making things worse for dramatic effect, or making matters light in order to be entertaining. Lerner tiptoes a little around issues with her parents (dropping hints about her mother and father's issues) but that's somewhat understandable.

Pardon me saying so, but I devoured this book. Definitely could not put it down, and found it very readable. However, this book may or may not have been responsible for triggering a few binges on my part, so consider the book to come with a trigger warning, if food is a problem for you.

If you're not into mental health memoirs, this may not be a book for you. But I happen to love them.

I'm already looking for more by Lerner, so you know I'm hooked.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Living, Loathing, and Lamenting*

Food and Loathing tells the tale of the author's years of intrapsychic and psychiatric confinement. Whether trapped in food obsessions, body image preoccupations, self-loathing, manic episodes, or the walls of a psychiatric institution, Betsy's early adult years certainly had a lengthy list of lamentables. Although the writing itself is quite good, the content has a tendency to drag---which perhaps is quite illustrative of Betsy's own experience of those long years. While there are many other books that do a more extensive job of illuminating the plights and perils of food addiction and self-loathing, Betsy's lament does bring home the dangers of inappropriate therapies and misdiagnoses.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have decided that I am a fan of the memoir. This is because there are no right or wrong answers. It isn't the story of a life in chronological factual order more specifically it a a personal representation of a life.

Food and Loathing: A Lament is just that a lament of one women's struggle with food, depression and communication. There were times when it felt a bit like was a train heading for a collision with an immovable object, yet I kept reading.......

For me personally I needed to remind myself that was then and this is now. I found this memoir to be a very helpful perspective. Hopefully Betsy's lived experience will serve to help guide me with those whom I spend much of my professional life.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first, I was put off by this book - she was talking about OA and perfect abstinence and then the impossibility of reaching that again. But she was only 15 and had a whole lifetime of battling ahead of her. The book is her story of that battle and even though it ends, her battle doesn't, though with the correct diagnosis and medication, she finally gets some mental relief and stability.

I think the title got my eye - a lament. It is a sorry story - a sad story but there is hope towards the end. I wonder if she has continued with stability.

It is a book that every family and spouse of a compulsive overeater needs to read to try to understand. There is stuff on anorexia and bulimia but this gives an insight into something that most 'normal' people don't think is a real problem.

[Brenda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fascinating and couragous look inside the life of a woman who struggles, and has struggled her whole life with compulsive eating. In some ways I felt like reading her story was like watching a car accident. It was so unhappy, yet I became very invested in how it would turn out for her. It was fitting that she called it a lament, rather than a memoir. The language was vulgar, and her lifestyle was such that I would not want my daughters to read this, but I still liked it. It made me think about all the little things we do as parents that our children will eventually have to forgive us for. I also counted my blessings. I'll take my own set of problems any day!

[Siobhan]

As a general thing I don't like memoirs, but this one was pretty addictive. I was impressed in particular by how controlled and expertly put-together this book about compulsion was: It isn't one of those "control-P" memoirs where the writer is just venting uncontrollably all over the place and trusting that she's charming enough just to print it out and publish it. This book tells a thoughtfully framed story about the writer, and you really do find yourself rooting for her.

I'm going to be political and NOT give this a star rating, though, because I know this person.