A History of Scottish Football in 100 Objects: The Alternative Football Museum

by Andy Bollen

The comedy writer’s collection of “artifacts dedicated to controversial, silly and bonkers mishaps . . . [a] tribute to an alternative football history” (Daily Record). Andy Bollen has created a fantasy football museum to collect together a treasure trove of Scottish football exhibits that ranges from Jimmy Johnstone’s oar to Aggie the tea lady’s trolley. Learn why Puskás and Socrates should’ve been Scottish, the versatility of the pie and Napoleon’s links to Bovril and explore all the wonders of the game north of the Border—from Arthur Montford to the phone-in, Think Tanks, Buckfast, vanishing cream for referees, Twitter, VAR technology and flares (pyrotechnics, not 1970s attire). These exhibits distill the beauty of Scottish football into an entertaining volume that will make the perfect gift for any fan. Taking a satirical swipe at the beautifully flawed game, A History of Scottish Football in 100 Objects covers the mayhem, mavericks and bric-a-brac from the magic sponge, to the pie, hair weaves to tattoos. Bollen is the perfect impeccably informed, passionate and insightful. “It’s not Hampden Babylon, but it’s very funny.” —Stuart Cosgrove, author of Hampden Babylon

368 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 10, 2019

Reviews

[Jay Cumming · Rating 4 out of 5]

A light hearted, easy reading book taking you on a journey through an imaginary Scottish footballing museum. This museum doesn't go on about boring statistics and league winners but instead shows the lighter side to scottish football, like rod Stewart's cup draws or how Napoleon the third used Bovril to his army's advantage. A brilliant book to finish up before Christmas to ease into the holidays.

[Jonny Brick · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gallus blether about 100 irksome or wonderful fitba matters. Very good on the politics of Scottish football broadcasting and the maverick player. A couple of poor spelling errors knocks a star off!

[Ray Smillie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mildly amusing look at Scottish football and good to see Sammy the Tammy's cardboard tank get a mention. It was the worst tank ever but really upset a minority of Raith fans when he started "shooting" at them during the 1812 overture playing through the tannoy.

[Peter Bird · Rating 3 out of 5]

Strong start offering insight into the wild and wonderful world of Scottish football. However, it descends into 'old man yells at cloud' territory as the book progresses

[Chris Nicol · Rating 4 out of 5]

As it says it looks at Scottish Football but in a way that's very different. Some of the objects are very funny stories and you will tag and come back to. Some not do much.

[William Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enjoyable read

[Craig Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not everyone will agree with everything in this book, but it is readable and entertaining. It is, though, let down by some errors that really should have been picked up. For example, in chapter 2, Hannibal Lecter is called Hannibal "Lector". At one point, Czechoslovakia is confused with the Czech Republic. On page 315, Unai Emery is said to have joined Arsenal in 2008 rather than 2018. And why translate the wording of the 1457 Act banning football into modern English (pp. 166-167)? The original is perfectly comprehensible.