Mingling with the Enemy: A Social Survival Guide for Our Divided Era

by Jeanne Martinet

From the bestselling author of The Art of Mingling, an irreverent and essential how-to for navigating conversational minefields—without getting blown up.

We are living in a new social era: The Powder Keg Era. These days almost every subject leads straight to politics, and the conversation goes straight to hell. In a nation that is completely polarized, with most of us continually pummeled by social media and the 24/7 news cycle, our social lives are taking a hit.

It can happen anywhere: at an office party, birthday bash, wedding reception, the local cafe, the gym, or just while talking with strangers in line for the movies. Suddenly, what began as a perfectly innocent chat about chocolate cake takes a bad turn, and you find yourself in an ugly argument about genetically altered foods. Every day the tensions among us seem to be rising; the ever-widening ideological chasm is hurting our ability to communicate. So, how can we re-learn how to converse with people who are on the “other side”— without anyone getting hurt?

With an insightful, entertaining, and down-to-earth sensibility, bestselling author Jeanne Martinet offers a practical and encouraging guide to navigating conversations in our current social climate. She illustrates easy-to-learn techniques and strategies to help you: keep your mind open, know your own triggers, pick the best topics, change course to avoid disaster, be an active listener, master the ability to yield without losing, employ humor and storytelling to ease tension, go undercover when necessary, be a brilliant subject changer, find common ground, and escape gracefully.

We have to keep talking to each other at all costs. Social interaction is a positive force that we need in order to thrive, individually and as a society, especially in today’s fractured world. Learning to mingle with the “enemy” is about figuring out how to have conversations with people that may make us afraid or angry. It’s about recognizing the presumptions—even prejudices—we all have when coming into contact with certain people.

With the ultimate goal of teaching us how to connect with each other more fully, Mingling with the Enemy provides a road map for successfully traversing any and all hostile territories, and coming out a winner.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Politics

216 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2020

Reviews

[Kris Springer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical advice about engaging with your fellow human, whether they agree with you about political issues or not. Author Jeanne Martinet is thoughtful and entertaining, and encourages the reader to not just talk to people we’re sure agree with us, because we all need to be connecting more, for the sake of our personal lives and our country’s sake. Very timely, worthwhile read.

[Nathalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

If there is ever a book for our age, this is the one. Most of the advice is common sense and seems obvious on paper. However, four years of bitter "civil-war-esque-brother-against-brother divisiveness have made this guide on civil, friendly and kind conversation a must. The author uses much humor and personal experiences to lead through the potential mine field of sociality. In her preface, the author muses on the putting together of this book which is meant for both a conservative and liberal audience. "This has been the hardest book I have ever written. Especially since the 2016 election, many Americans regard each other as the enemy, based on how they voted or how they feel about one or more of the issues. To write a book that basically tells people, "No matter what anyone says to you, no matter how wrong you think they are, you must always behave well in social situations" was a formidable task." Well said and well done, Ms. Martinet.

[Cyndie Courtney · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not the book I was expecting when I picked it up - but definitely seems like there is an audience (especially now) who will find this useful and appealing.

The key word in the title is "mingling" - the kind of casual social interaction where the odds are you don't know the people you're talking to particularly well. As a result the book focuses more on etiquette and how to minimize or avoid (and sometimes escape) situations that are challenging or might lend themselves to controversy.

As one of the people who particularly enjoys political discussion (though those around us might think it's an argument) this might be a helpful guide for those who mingle with me. That being said, I think books like The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion and Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most were more along the lines of what I thought this might be - something that talks about how we can both actually engage in these discussions in a compassionate, productive, and empathetic way.

The book did have some good quotes in it, some good insights especially in the introductory sections, and some helpful statistics that pointed out that if nothing else we mostly agree that "the other side" (whoever that is) is uncivil, irrational, and even dangerous but that contempt is unlikely to change anyone's mind.

[Trent · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mingling with the Enemy addresses a serious topic—how in these polarized times can we get along with each other—in an encouraging and affirmatively friendly manner. Jeanne Martinet shows how to avoid getting into contentious arguments across partisan divides with family, friends, or new acquaintances. In addition, she gives pointers on how you can discuss hot-button issues with those with whom you fundamentally disagree, without coming to blows or ramping up your blood pressure to massive-stroke levels.
Throughout, there are great tips on how to put the brake on arguments. The entire topic is treated with humor, grace and a light touch. As someone going to a big high school reunion next year (and it’s apparent my class of boomers is heavily divided politically), I know this book will prove a helpful resource. Highly recommended to all!

[Helfren · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Mingling with the Enemy" by Jeanne Martinet is a timely and practical guide for navigating social interactions in a deeply polarized world. The book offers thoughtful advice on how to engage with people holding opposing views without conflict, emphasizing civil behavior despite differences. With humor and personal anecdotes, Martinet teaches readers strategies like listening actively, changing topics gracefully, and finding common ground. It's a useful, encouraging read for fostering connection and survival in our divisive era

[Caroline Press · Rating 5 out of 5]

A refreshingly bright, witty, and helpful take on the challenges of our increasingly polarized times. What a relief to discover this book post-election and going into the holidays - it helped me recalibrate my assumptions and rediscover the joys of communication, even across the political divide. An excellent gift because it's balanced and fair and provides wallops of puns, jokes, quotes and hilarious anecdotes. Highly recommended!

[Breanne Brocker · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty let down by this book, I had high hopes when I read the intro that it was going to provide a solid guide on how to handle conversations with people who had opposing political views. Most of the points made were either obvious such as avoiding the conversation and switching topics or were so wild that I'd never consider actually using them.. like bursting into song or telling some silly joke

[Kelly Pullin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish that everyone would read this book. Seriously. Not only is it filled with great tips and methods for navigating tricky conversations, it also encourages people to keep an open-mind and remember that we're all human -- which is so important right now in our current political climate.

[Jennifer Hughes · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars
I picked up this library book on a whim and found it had some great practical advice for navigating small talk in an era where online trolling is the norm and in-person social graces seem to be in short supply.

[Varun · Rating 3 out of 5]

A decent read to equip with some strategy to talk about burning issues with ppl on other side of the line

[Kira Huiqi Ho · Rating 3 out of 5]

Political views aside, this book presents ways to engage people with strong opinions, who might become defensive or become belligerent if they feel threatened.

Overall, this is a useful compendium of ideas to diffuse potential conflict, agree to disagree, glean something useful from a conversation with a tedious person, or leave an uncomfortable conversation.