The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships

by Gleb Tsipursky, David McRaney (Foreword)

When what you think you know gets in the way—this eye-opening guide offers a clear path to forging stronger, healthier, and more meaningful relationships.

We all want positive, productive, and genuine relationships—whether it’s with our family, friends, peers, coworkers, or romantic partners. And yet, time and time again, we all seem to make the same thinking errors that threaten or sabotage these relationships. These errors are called cognitive bias, and they happen when our brain attempts to simplify information by making assumptions.

Grounded in evidence-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), The Blindspots Between Us reveals the most common “hidden” cognitive biases that blind us to the truth, and which lead to the misunderstandings that damage our relationships. With this guide, you’ll learn key skills to help you debias—to stop, pause, and objectively observe situations before jumping to conclusions about others’ motives. You’ll also learn to consider other people’s points of view and past experiences before rushing to judgment and potentially undermining your relationships.

Being a human is hard. None of us are perfect, and we all have our blindspots that can get in the way of building the relationships we really and truly want, deep down. This much-needed book will help you identify your own blindspots, and move beyond them for better relationships—and a better world.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Personal Development, Science, Business

216 pages, Paperback

Published April 1, 2020

About the author

Dr. Gleb Tsipursky helps leaders use hybrid work to improve retention and productivity while cutting costs. He serves as the CEO of the boutique future-of-work consultancy Disaster Avoidance Experts, which helps organizations adopt a hybrid-first culture, instead of incrementally improving on the traditional office-centric culture.

He authored seven books, including the global best-sellers Never Go With Your Gut: How Pioneering Leaders Make the Best Decisions and Avoid Business Disasters (Career Press, 2019) and The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconscious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships (New Harbinger, 2020). His new book is Returning to the Office and Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams: A Manual on Benchmarking to Best Practices for Competitive Advantage (Intentional Insights, 2020). His writing was translated into Chinese, Korean, German, Russian, Polish, Spanish, French, and other languages.

Dr. Tsipursky’s cutting-edge thought leadership was featured in over 650 articles and 550 interviews in prominent venues. They include Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Fast Company, CBS News, CNBC, Entrepreneur, Business Insider, Government Executive, The Chronicle of Philanthropy, Time, Inc. Magazine, Boston Globe, New York Daily News, Fox News, USA Today, Forbes, and elsewhere.

His expertise stems from over 20 years of consulting, coaching, speaking, and training experience on future-proofing, strategic decision making and planning, and cognitive bias risk management. His hundreds of clients include innovative startups, major nonprofits, and Fortune 500 companies from Aflac to Xerox. It also comes from his strong research and teaching background as a behavioral scientist. After spending 8 years getting a PhD and lecturing at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, he served for 7 years as a professor at the Ohio State University’s Decision Sciences Collaborative and History Department. He published dozens of peer-reviewed articles in academic journals such as Behavior and Social Issues and Journal of Social and Political Psychology.

A proud Ukrainian American, Dr. Gleb lives in Columbus, Ohio (Go Bucks!). In his free time, he makes sure to spend abundant quality time with his wife to avoid his personal life turning into a disaster.

Contact him at Gleb[at]DisasterAvoidanceExperts[dot]com, follow him on Twitter @gleb_tsipursky, Instagram @dr_gleb_tsipursky, and register for his free Wise Decision Maker Course https://disasteravoidanceexperts.com/...

Reviews

[Scott Kaufman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gleb Tsipursky combines cutting-edge research and pragmatic case studies to show the kind of problems that result from falling into these mental blindspots. More importantly, The Blindspots Between Us offers science-based strategies that anyone can adopt immediately to address the problems caused by our relationships because of cognitive biases, helping their relationships not only survive, but thrive.”

[JJ Khodadadi · Rating 4 out of 5]

کتاب بسیار خوبی بود و از لحاظ علمی و مثال های عملی انواع سوگیری های شناختی را توضیح داده و راه های غلبه بر اونهارو آورده بود. البته نکات و تمرینات تکراری زیادی هم در کتاب وجود داشت

[Shafayet Karim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you very much Dr. Gleb Tsipursky for publishing such an effective book “The Blindspots Between Us” which will really help us to protect ourselves and our relationships from mental blindspots. By taking a dangerous decision, a person ruins his whole life in a blink of an eye. I am a victim of Cognitive Biases. I have taken many dangerous decisions in my life which caused me to waste my time and energy. I think this is a helpful book for me and will definitely help me a lot to keep me on my track. I believe that if a person follows the guidelines from this book properly, He/She will never take any dangerous decisions in future.

If I got this book in the past, I could have made my decisions much better and would never waste my precious time. My parents forced me to give an exam in Marine Academy. But I don’t want to be a Marine Engineer because I think it’s hard for me to join the Marine Academy. I gave a written exam and I got a chance to participate in the physical exam. Finally in the physical exam, I didn’t pass in it. I was sure that I can’t pass. I told my parents several times that I am not capable enough to be a Marine Engineer. They didn’t even care about my thoughts. I was frustrated and depressed for 3 months for taking such a bad decision to follow my parents command. I have decided to follow the guidelines from this book to avoid dangerous cognitive biases to be a successful person.

I usually face some difficulties in my life. I can’t control myself when I become very angry then I judge people unwillingly. For this reason, I have lost some friends. Sometimes I behaved rudely with them. From my point of view, The most surprising part of this book is that “Before you judge a person, walk a mile in their shoes.” From now I'll try to focus on others thoughts before I take a decision and I have decided to start meditations by following the guidelines that are included in this book. It will help me to be calm and mentally strong and I think I will be able to control my anger. It will also help me to avoid mistakes and make better decisions in my life.

I think the Social Comparison Bias will be vulnerable for me because I feel much uncomfortable when my mom compares me to my cousins or neighbors. This type of competition makes me feel more frustrated and drained. I often feel sad and it leads me to tear down. After reading this book, I understand that I need to use my energy focusing on what I have, not on what others have. In this way, I can avoid the Social Comparison Biases for leading a happy life.

[Martin Petersen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too anecdotal for me - uses references, but some of them are preliminary.
I found him to "loosely" interpret J. Haidt and D. Kahnemann's work so it fit the book.

I would catalogue this book as entry-level to the subject. If you already read beforementioned authors books, this book is not for you.

[Shyam Soni · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Book, The Blind spots Between Us, is very effective for those who are facing problems in their relationships. Thanks to the author, Gleb Tsipursky, for writing a book based on facts and scientific
I’m indeed grateful and happy to have read this book. I learned that in relationships, we develop some typical thinking errors and make decisions that are difficult for our partner(s) to accept, which creates distance between us and our partners.
If I talk about my past experience, I was maintaining long-distance relationships with my partner. Somehow, I started to over-think and blamed my partner for the things which are not real just because of illustrative situations in my mind. If only I got this book beforehand, I would have controlled my emotions and resolve my issues. Then, possibly live happily with my partner.

[Joshua · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good informations, but very repetitive and very shallow.

[Richard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gleb is a wonderful writer with a superb understanding of the subject and sharing it. Well worth reading.

Unfortunately he stresses the exercises and I found them repetitive and not illustrative. I felt like I was treated as if I was a student in a 6th grade class. I appreciate a teacher wanting to ensure reinforcement but I would wish Gleb labeled exercises as "Things to think about" accompanied by unique questions to help invite you to re-frame your own past and present actions and underlying beliefs. This would have better invited the reader rather than how ..... Sally treated her daughter Lizzy (in an example of reactance). I know Gleb had the best of intentions (as teachers generally do) but a sour taste meandered through what was otherwise informative and illustrative prose.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came into this with positive expectations and was let down. There isn't much new here and what I hadn't heard was common sense. There also is an identity politics focus which seemed like it was more geared towards businesses than individuals.

[Jens Zett · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seems like a cheap copy of nonviolent communication, sprinkled with political bias.

[Rubi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Iniciaré con una cita del autor: "Las discusiones generalmente no conducen a nada beneficioso: a menudo, incluso si ganamos la discusión, terminamos dañando las relaciones que nos importan". Considero que ofrece estrategias puntuales y asertivas sobre como abordar los prejuicios cognitivos, si a estas estrategias le agregamos dominio sobre nuestras emociones y conducta, empatía y una pequeña dosis de pragmatismo estaremos estableciendo relaciones sanas.
I'll start with a quote from the author:
“Arguments usually don’t lead to anything beneficial: often, even if we win the argument, we end up harming relationships we care about.”
I think it offers specific and assertive strategies on how to address cognitive prejudices. If we add control over our emotions and behavior, empathy and a small dose of pragmatism to these strategies, we will be establishing healthy relationships.

[Althea Branton · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the podcast host of Brokenhearted, I interviewed Gleb on about this book, and here's what I think - this book is my new go-to for navigating how I show up in my interpersonal relationships. So much discord (and heartbreak for that matter) can be avoided if we all make the conscious choice to view the world from a different lens. "The Blindspots Between Us" provides a brilliant starting point for doing the necessary inner work to acknowledge and accept what cognitive biases are standing in the way of more harmonious interactions with the important people in our lives.

[Ron · Rating 1 out of 5]

Simplistic and shallow; do not recommend it for anyone

[Tasnuva Tonny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would like to give my heartfelt thanks to Dr. Tsipursky to launch such a thoughtful book which helps us to protect ourselves and our relationships from mental blindspots. This book meant to achieve all following three goals like where these dangerous judgment errors might be playing a role in our relationships; how cognitive biases harmed us in the past, are harming us now, and might harm us in the future; and a specific plan to address these mental blindspots. We have many unnecessary fights with friends that lead to hurt feelings and friendship breakups due to miscommunications and misunderstandings resulting from gut responses to what our friends shared. This book definitely goes in-depth into the solution of the problems caused by cognitive biases.

This book would have been helpful in the past as I just came to know about so many cognitive biases including Egocentric Bias. After completion of my Engineering I served 2.5 years in a multinational organization also achieved the Best Employee Award but suddenly the official environment changed for some of my colleagues because they had started giving credit to themselves for the successful projects & blamed me for failure one where I was not involved even. If I would get chance to read this book earlier, I might solve the bias using the debiasing strategy of getting an external perspective. In this book it’s clearly described that many people’s tendency to ascribe to them more credit than is actually due for success while blaming others for failures.

What I read proved surprising and unexpected to know about the Autopilot System, which is more powerful and predominant of the two systems & Intentional System which can guide the Autopilot System deliberately to go in a direction that matches our actual goals. I came to know we also have hidden blindspots in our minds that often ruin our relationships and other areas of our lives. Yet there are no driving instructors to teach us to watch out for these unconscious mental blindspots, what scholars term “cognitive biases.” We have many small stresses that are not life-threatening, but the autopilot system treats them as saber-tooth tigers, producing an unnecessarily stressful everyday life experience that undermines our mental and physical well-being.

People are suffering disasters daily because they fall into cognitive biases. By reading this book I came to know, Illusory superiority which represents a specific form of the broader cognitive bias known as “Egocentric Bias” also I came to know so many Debiasing Strategies to overcome cognitive biases. This cognitive bias is about our preference to ascribe to ourselves more credit than is actually due for the success of a collaborative project while blaming others for failures. Cognitive biases also undermine our society as a whole. Some of the worst excesses of polarization and hatred stem from the consequences of failing to watch out for and address these blindspots between us.

[Laszlo Makay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Relationships in a wider sense from a new angle

This is not the first time when Gleb Tsipursky (PHD) writes about cognitive biases. He is not a novice in this fascinating area, which is a good start. However, the real questions are not that. What we really need to know about this book are whether it can talk about cognitive biases in a language suitable for an everyday person (like me) and whether the author can recommend some guidelines to improve our performances in the area of relationships.

In order to answer these questions we must clearly see what “relationships” (in plural!) means in this book. It means more than just personal or romantic relationships. It covers working relationships as well, and even touches political relationships sometimes. From my personal point of view it is fine: I always handled my working connections as professional relationships. From others’ perspective: On the one hand, if you wanted to read this book to improve your relationship with loved ones (family, partners) then you may jump some “working” parts. On the other hand, you can find tips useful for your professional life too – if you are interested in that.

Regarding language: you can see the author as an experienced teacher and writer in work. Good examples, no complicated science jargon and a structure easy to follow. The only slightly more academic part is the first chapter (Autopilot vs. Intentional), but that is probably inevitable to understand the fundamental nature of cognitive biases. And even that is handled in a popular science manner, closed with concrete recommendations and exercises. No problem here.

Regarding recommendations and exercises: yes, they are useful and yes, they are applicable – but you probably have to be selective. I guess that most readers of this book will buy it in order to solve some problems. We all have problematic relationships (whether work or personal) which we would like to improve. And we all have limited time for this project, however important it is. As the book says: we all have many biases due to evolutionary reasons, and these biases are existing because statistically speaking they were/are useful in the majority of cases. It is impossible to get rid all of them. Don’t aim the impossible. You have to focus on those biases from which you suffer most in your key relationships. So choose your enemies wisely, as you cannot fight all of them at once.

Nevertheless the book follows the best self-improvement, self-help traditions, so it can be recommended to those who would like to see a better self when they look into mirror next time.

[Jo Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self-awareness and understanding of our actions towards others is a hard thing to grasp. The book entitled, “The Blind Spots Between Us”, tackles how each one of us suffers from different cognitive biases in which we are not aware of. These cognitive biases affect how we deal with others because more often than not we are driven by our emotions that led us to respond irrationally.

We have habits that we are inclined to and changing our behaviors require persistence and willingness. According to the author, we need to learn about the cognitive biases that we may be facing, especially those that we are most vulnerable due to our individual personality and upbringing. This means that we need to have an awareness of the things that keeps us from suffering these biases. The idea presented by Dr. Gleb says, “Identifying in a deep and thorough manner where that dangerous judgment error is truly hurting us as individuals and our relationships—the critical pain points in our personal, professional, and civic lives—helps empower the strong negative emotions needed to go against our gut reactions.” and this has such a strong impact. Reading through the book, I have discovered different cognitive biases in which I admittedly have been suffering or how others' own biases have affected my emotional being. Many times, I have seen myself and others fallen to the “horns effect”. The stigma that I have experienced with others is when you are going to the mall and you enter a particular shop and the salesperson will look at you and judge what you wear and, they would classify if the customer is rich or not. You can tell the difference because those they think can afford to buy have warm greetings when they enter the store. Knowing this kind of judgment in the society, as an individual it makes you feel less confident and can develop self pity. Also, I am guilty of this judgment error because nowadays, especially with social media I tend to quickly judge others when I see that they are posting something that is not aligned with what I believe in or the values I possess. And I know that it is not right, but it is a habit and so it’s hard for me to resist this bias. In this book, I have read strategies that might help me to change my dealings by delaying your reactions and judgment, making predictions about the future and considering past experience. Through these de-biasing strategies, it will be helpful to prevent such judgment errors from happening if I am willing to learn and apply it.

I will definitely be reading this book again. This has been an eye opener and such a helpful tool to gain insights about different cognitive biases and in improving how we deal with our relationships. Great work!

[Randall Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most of us don’t want others to misunderstand us, and most of us also want to clearly understand others. We all generally want to have our interpersonal relations with family, friends, business associates, and just casual acquaintances flow smoothly. Nevertheless, we regularly find ourselves in situations in which we (or those we interact with) inadvertently cause confusion, hurt feelings, and distrust through miscommunication. If you’ve experienced this problem, then cognitive neuroscientist and behavioral economist Gleb Tsipursky, PhD, has written the book for you! In his new book, The Blindspots Between Us, Dr. Tsipursky (who, full disclosure, is a friend of mine) brings together, in a concise yet substantive manner, over 15 year of research, teaching, and consulting on “cognitive biases,” that is, modes of thinking that are hard-wired into our brains. These biases served humans well in their relatively simple prehistoric environment, but often lead us astray in our highly complex modern world. In a series of short, highly readable chapters, illustrated with examples from his own work and life, Dr. Tsipursky discusses several categories of these biases, and provides techniques for “debiasing,” that is, for recognizing and counteracting these biases (in large part by more fully understanding how others view the world), in order to improve our relationships. BSBU is an excellent companion to another recent book by Dr. Tsipursky, Never Go With Your Gut, which deals with cognitive biases specifically in the business arena.

At any time, a book such as BSBU (written before the emergence of the new coronavirus) would be an important contribution to enhancing our lives by improving how we communicate with and understand each other. But in the present context, as I write this in mid-April 2020, the COVID-19 emergency has made it glaringly obvious how important it is, not just for the quality of our relationships, but for our livelihoods and very lives, that we understand our world, and the motivations and goals of ourselves and others, in clear, rational terms. For example, recognizing how the Optimism and Pessimism Biases (BSBU, pages 125-139) may impact our views on when the economy should be restarted, or on the trajectory of the coronavirus, is literally a matter now of life and death. Where do we fall on the Authority Bias (BSBU, pages 148-153), our tendency to give more credence to authority figures than we objectively should, when we try to determine which authorities or experts to heed on the danger of COVID-19? These are only two examples, but every chapter of BSBU provides practical insights and guidance on how to assess the dynamics that impact both our personal lives, and the entire global community.

[Kezia Tabago · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant, engaging, and timely read about human irrationality!

The book took me on a delightful journey that I could not put it down. Result? I finished this insightful book in two days. I deeply enjoyed and related to the different cases and empirical episodes within this book (favorite: thermostat and electricity charges incident). These empirical incidents and realizations coupled with theories set out to dismantle irrational trains of thought we have in conversations. We usually listen to answer and not actually digest what is said. Aren’t we all guilty of this? I unknowingly and confidently behave this way without actually realizing it. I can honestly say I am guilty of the autopilot system error. This cognitive bias has made me go through situations that could have ended better. Dr. Tsipursky stressed probabilistic thinking and this stresses a more rational and this addresses my unconscious errors of reasoning that distort my judgment that is specially caused by my autopilot system.

While reading through the book, one conversation came to mind: a conversation I had with a former boss some good five years ago. He was questioning parts of my report and because I was blindsided by so many biases, I only heard the doubt in his voice and found offense. Story short there was an exchange of harsh words and a blatant disrespect towards each other. Had I been equipped with the debiasing exercises, I could have presented my point in a non-offensive manner.

As a person who sticks hard to theories and what I deeply enjoy, I am now made aware that I could be prone to False Consensus Effect. The best part of this well written book is how it points out what you might be vulnerable to and it presents you with solution. I am now solved in taking a few seconds to stop and look back as pointed out. I could hold back what my feelings dictate me to say and I could just avoid an adverse conversation. I deeply enjoyed this book – from theories to exercises. I will take with me key points laid out in the debiasing strategies for sure.

[Maher Razouk · Rating 4 out of 5]

التنظيم والنظافة أمران وراثيان !!


يقول الدكتور Gleb Tsipursky في كتابه : The Blindspots Between Us :

لم تصدق ياسمين ذلك. نسي تيرون استخدام الكوستر لقهوته مرة أخرى ، تاركًا بقعًا قبيحة على طاولة البلوط الجميلة المصنوعة يدويًا!
لقد مرت تسعة أشهر منذ زواجهما وانتقالهم للعيش معًا ، وما زال لم يتعلم. أخبرته عشرات المرات أن يستخدم كوستر.
ومع ذلك ، كان هذا مجرد قمة الهرم. أخبرته أيضًا ، مرارًا وتكرارًا ، أن يضع أطباقه المتسخة في غسالة الصحون ويترك جواربه المتسخة في سلة الغسيل بدلاً من السرير. وافق في كل مرة ، لكنها في غضون أيام قليلة وجدته يخالف اتفاقهما. لقد اعتذر للتو وقال إنه سيكون أفضل في المرة القادمة. ولكن بعد ذلك ، انزلق من جديد!
لماذا يفعل ذلك؟ هل كان يحاول أن يرسل لها رسالة ما؟ وحتى لو لم يفعل ذلك بشكل ضار ، فماذا كان يعتقد؟ أنها خادمته؟ أمه؟ لم يستمع أبدًا عندما حاولت إجراء محادثة عقلانية معه حول هذه المسألة ، قائلاً إنها ليست مشكلة كبيرة ، طالباً منها الاسترخاء ، ووعدها بالتذكر في المرة القادمة. هو فقط لم يحترمها على الإطلاق! هذا كل شيء ، لقد انتهت منه!

هذا ما كان يدور في رأس ياسمين بينما كانت تجمع حقيبة السفر ، اتصلت بصديقتها المقربة تسألها عما إذا كان بإمكانها الإقامة عندها بينما تفكر في الأمور. لقد تركت ملاحظة تخبر فيها تيرون أنه يستطيع العيش مثل الخنزير إذا أراد ، لكنها لن تكون معه.
عندما عاد تيرون إلى المنزل ووجد المذكرة ، صُدم. لم يصدق أن ياسمين ستتركه من أجل بقع القهوة والأطباق المتسخة والغسيل. اتصل بأصدقائه ، بمن فيهم أنا ، لمعرفة الأمور والتوسط بينه وبين ياسمين ، التي لم ترد على مكالماته ، هكذا علمت بموقفهم.
هل تعتقد أن ياسمين كانت مخطئة تمامًا ، وأن تصرف تيرون لا يستحق أي شيء مثل ردها؟ إذا كان الأمر كذلك ، فأنت ربما لا تهتم كثيرًا بالنظافة. من ناحية أخرى ، إذا كنت تتفق مع غضب ياسمين وفهمت تمامًا كيف كان العثور على بقعة قهوة للمرة الثلاثين هو القشة التي قصمت ظهر البعير ، فمن المحتمل أن يكون لديك اهتمام كبير بالنظافة. قد تتفاجأ عندما تعلم أن النظافة ليست مجرد مسألة تفضيل شخصي أو تنشئة. ترمز جيناتنا إلى رغبة قوية أو ضعيفة بالنظافة.
لذا فإن أسلوبك الشخصي في النظافة ينبع إلى حد كبير من حمضك النووي.
إذا وقعت على أي من طرفي طيف النظافة ، فمن الصعب جدًا فهم الأشخاص على الطرف الآخر - على مستوى النظام العاطفي والطيار الآلي. لدى بعض الناس رغبة قوية جدًا في التنظيم والنظام. يشعر الآخرون بالإختناق والقيود بسبب القواعد والانضباط ، ويريدون العفوية والحرية.
جذبتهم الاختلافات في شخصياتهم - ياسمين المهيكلة والتقليدية وتيرون العفوي والباحث عن الحداثة - لبعضهم البعض كشركاء رومانسيين. لسوء الحظ ، جعلت هذه الاختلافات نفسها من الصعب جدًا عليهم العيش معًا ، خاصة وأنهم فشلوا في معرفة والاستعداد للصراع بين سمات شخصياتهم. بالنسبة إلى تيرون ، كان السلوك الفوضوي يمثل استجابة عاطفية دقيقة ، حيث دفعه نظام الطيار الآلي الخاص به بمهارة بعيداً عن التوافق مع الهيكل الذي فرضته ياس��ين. بالتأكيد ، كان بإمكانه استخدام نظامه المتعمد لتدريب نفسه على ملاحظة سلوكه وتغييره ، لكن القيام بذلك كان سيتطلب وعيًا بالموقف وتصميمًا على تغييره. لسوء الحظ ، نظر نظام الطيار الآلي الخاص به إلى ياسمين على أنها تزعجه بشأن موضوعات غير ذات صلة ، واهتم بما اعتبره أشياء أكثر أهمية. هكذا انتهى بهم الأمر إلى الانفصال ، وما زالوا يحاولون حل الأمور.
نميل إلى إدراك أنفسنا على أننا تحركنا في المقام الأول بالمنطق وليس العواطف ، بينما في الواقع ، نحن عاطفيون أكثر من كوننا منطقيين. لهذا السبب ، حتى لو كان تيرون منطقيًا يرغب في اتباع إرشادات زوجته للنظافة ، فقد فشل في القيام بذلك دون أن يدرك الأمر بوعي. نميل أيضًا إلى التقليل إلى حد كبير من تأثير المشاعر على الآخرين ، كما يتضح من صدمة تيرون وعدم تصديقه مدى رد فعل ياسمين على ما اعتبره أمرًا تافهًا تمامًا ، والذي اعتبرته هي بمثا��ة كسر للصفقة المتفق عليها مسبقاً .
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ترجمة : ماهر رزوق

[Elizabeth Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Social distancing?
Spending more time with family members, spouse/significant other/ children/parents than ever before? Agitated? Worried? Anxious? Finding it easy to fly off the handle” over those daily little irritations?
Then you’re likely to need THIS book now more than ever.

Best-selling Disaster Avoidance expert, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky, not only explains the judgment errors we all make, but provides hands-on practice exercises to counter your cognitive biases and help you see how your confirmation bias and attribution errors have you “locked into” (pun-intended!) negative relationship patterns and cycles with those you CARE ABOUT most, but always seem to hurt with thoughtless words or misunderstood gestures. I bought this books recently, and read it almost straight through. Then I re-read, and high-lighted and dog-eared pages. Yes, it's that good.

A follow-up to his 2019 "Never Go With Your Gut: How Pioneering Leaders Make the Best Decisions and Avoid Business Disasters," this new book focuses on those really important relationships.

I appreciate the “readability” this book offers. It’s not the dumbed-down pablum you might find in women’s magazine articles, but is instead grounded in solid scientific research that only a cognitive neuroscientist can provide, while still being relatable because of the many examples and personal experiences he includes. Best of all the techniques work – techniques that help you make use of that powerful brain of yours to negotiate the pitfalls of relationships in constructive, positive, “win-win” ways.

Got disaster? Avoid it!
Got good relationships with spouse/family/loved ones/co-workers? Enhance them!

Hey, you’ve got the TIME to read this book as you stay at home/shelter-in-place for who knows how long, but more importantly, you’ve FINALLY got the TIME to digest these ideas and actually practice the skills, change your behaviors, and reflect on their effectiveness with the people you care most about.

Elizabeth

[Alex Weissenfels · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to improve your relationships with others--family, friends, coworkers--then this book is a good choice. If you want a high enlightenment-to-page ratio, then this book is a good choice. If you would prefer to do whatever you feel like at the time and aren't too invested in making relationships work, then you might instead prefer to read about how your feelings are always right.

The Blindspots Between Us presents several relatable scenarios people may encounter regarding their relationships (not just romantic ones) and shows how various thinking errors can harm these relationships. It also walks through applying a toolbox of techniques for counteracting these thinking errors to help us avoid making decisions we will regret. It may be uncomfortable to face our past mistakes, but it's necessary in order to learn to become better.

If you think friends and family aren't all that important, the book also has examples of how to avoid disaster in relationships with coworkers, employees, customers, and investors. (Chapter 3 also points out that personal relationships are likely to make you happier than consumerism.)

Be sure to read through the EGRIP method, which outlines how to effectively deal with factual disagreements: only once people feel their values are appreciated can they move on to discussing facts. Doing the exercises will prepare you to implement these techniques in real life. If you've been experiencing any of the thinking errors described in the book, you should see immediate, noticeable improvement when you use the techniques you've practiced.

(Full disclosure: I used to be on the board of directors for Intentional Insights, a non-profit founded by the author and his wife.)

[Beatrice Sargin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an eye-opener! It’s a must-read for anyone who wants to build a long term and standing relationship. When I came across this book, I have been itchy to know the content as I love the works of the author. This one didn’t disappoint me at all.

I admit that I’m a victim of social comparison bias. Social comparison bias as defined here is a cognitive bias refers to our tendency to compare ourselves to those we perceive as part of our tribe. We compete with each other in various activities on whose better than whom.

Sadly, people are pulling competitions one after the other. I didn't even realize that I am a victim until I read this book. If I had read this book earlier, I should have developed better relationships with my colleagues at work. I always saw them as challengers. Hence, I compete until I am better than them, which is wrong. All the time wasted would have earned me a good amount of knowledge if used the time learning what they had to offer. To improve myself, I've decided to implement EGRIP. An acronym for the 5-step process: (1) identifying the underlying emotions inhibiting the person from acknowledging the truth; (2) establishing shared goals for the two of you that would involve recognizing the facts; (3) building rapport through putting yourself into the same tribe and on the same side; (4) sharing information about a better way to reach your mutual goals by seeing reality clearly; (5) providing positive reinforcement when the other person shifts even a little toward seeing reality clearly.
There's always a room for change if people are open to ideas from great and experienced writers such as the author of this book - Gleb Tsipursky. I recommend this book to all!

[Kh. Monjurul · Rating 5 out of 5]

By reading this book I came to know that our brain is wired which causes us to make many bad decisions in our relationships. And all of us are susceptible to subtle decision-making errors called cognitive biases, which can devastate our social ties with our loved ones. And I came to know that these science-based strategies that anyone can adopt immediately to address the problems caused by cognitive biases in their relationships, helping their relationships not only survive, but thrive.

My wife always becomes angry when I do some stupid things like throwing the wet towel on the bed, not keeping my clothes in the wardrobe and not keeping my shoes on the shoe rack. She shouts on me when she found that I have done these mistakes. Sometimes I also become angry on her and also shout on her. Slowly I found that these silly things have been making distance between us. After reading the book I am able to identify my mistakes and also able to solve the cognitive biases. Now we are together and leading a happy life.

The twelve strategies for solving the blindspots between our relationships were surprising to me. I think this is one of the best methods to solve your issues on relationship. This is definitely the take away part for me. I’ll use those twelve methods to solve the blindspots between my relationships.

Sometimes in my life I faced reactant behavior of some people and I am vulnerable to this bias. I‘ll consider alternative explanations option to avoid this bias. Instead of seeing an incident in my regular method I’ll look at it from the perspective of goal achievement.

[Precious Quinte · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Blindspots Between Us" book tackles different cognitive biases that we are suffering from. This book also provides various debias strategies which are completely helpful in dealing with our biases.

When I got to read the "Halo Effect" part, I suddenly remembered the time when my friends and I went on a cross-country trip. I was so excited because it was my second out of the country trip and that time I am with two closest friends. It was all fun and great until a certain scenario happened where all the drama started. During the trip, misunderstanding and miscommunication were already present. When we were on our way home, the issue was still not fixed, rather, it turned into a huge conflict (exchange of messages kind of fight).Yon and I were so eager to save our friendship because we were friends since high school and it would be a total waste if we won't fix it it but Anj became really toxic at that time that it was really exhausting to deal with her. To cut the long story short, Yon and I decided to cut our connection with Anj because it wasn't healthy anymore if we will still hold on to our damaged friendship.

I find myself vulnerable with Optimism bias which I sometimes believe that everything will go well as planned, but life really doesn't work that way. I also learned about EGRIP, which stands for emotions, goals, rapport, information, and positive reinforcement. EGRIP can help me in connecting and understanding other people's emotions, perceptions and beliefs. This book is really a must-read!

[Wayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have trouble making decisions or a history of making poor ones. The reason probably lies in the fact that you’re human and as such you share certain inherited mental blind spots — called ‘cognitive biases’ — with the rest of us. It’s simply the way we’re built.

But don’t despair, as the old saying goes: ‘Forewarned is forearmed.’ Knowing that these biases exist and having guaranteed ways to circumvent them will increase the odds that you’ll make better decisions.

In his latest book: “The Blindspots Between Us”, Dr. Tsipursky once again delves into the nature of human thought processes — why we think and act the way we do. He provides techniques for avoiding those errors that naturally arise from simply being us.

Within the pages of this book, you’ll find outlined and defined a number of cognitive biases, how they impact our decision-making process, how to recognize them in oneself, and qualitative methods to avoid the mistakes they inevitably lead to. For each named bias, you’ll find a practical exercise aimed specifically at teaching you how to recognize and avoid falling prey to it.

Such instruction is useful in the best of times. But in these days of multiple existential threats -- COVID simply being the most recent symptom -- consistently making the best possible decisions can literally spell the difference between life and death for you and/or a loved one.

Read, heed, learn and be safe.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many wonderful things to say about this book! The Blindspots Between Us is very informative with superb explanations. It has helped me greatly! It tackles the causes of many problems in our relationships and how to fix them. Written by the best-selling author, who wrote Never Go With Your Gut and The Truth Seeker’s Handbook. It also has relevance and great stories to make everything relatable, excellent exercises that meant to understand how cognitive biases harmed us and to address mental blindspots , and so much more!

The book is very useful in providing strategies needed for building social relationships. The Social Comparison Bias as described in this book hits me and that I think I am most vulnerable. In most cases, we try to compare ourselves or our talents and abilities to those of our co-workers or to those in our peer group. This could have been helpful in the past have I read this book as it explains how to solve the Social Comparison Bias, I would have acted differently that doesn't harm my relationships with others.

The first Chapter was my favorite part. It is where it offers the twelve debiasing strategies for solving these mental blindspots in the future. More so, "Setting a Policy to Guide Your Future Self" described as one of the easiest ways to address cognitive biases that will keep you from making the same problems that result from falling into these mental blindspots.

[Alexandra Leigon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great go-to resource for applying current scientific cognitive bias research to our daily lives, from the author of, “Never Go With Your Gut!”

In my work as a mentor, it is helpful not only to ensure I am keeping my own mental and emotional house in order, but to offer my clients useful and easy-to-access resources they can use to strengthen their own skills in their personal lives and in their professional role as mentors. This author has a knack for bringing all the scientific research down to earth and making it accessible for a broad range of users. He very effectively grounds this book in his own personal experiences, which makes it not only easy to read but relatable. The exercises offered as each concept is explained offer readers a chance to directly apply the concepts to their own lives, ensuring that if they are really seeking to change their way of thinking, there is a practical means for doing so.

Kudos for a great resource on cognitive bias and it’s effects on our personal relationships! Mentors everywhere will find this a must-have resource for their work and for their own personal development!

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our relationships with others define who we are and enable us to reach our true potential. Yet as an expert in character education, I can attest that one of the biggest problems with our parenting and education system is failing to teach young people how to manage and improve their relationships. The cutting-edge research in The Blindspots Between Us shows why we make so many mistakes in how we approach relationships, due to unconscious cognitive biases. Fortunately, the author provides effective and pragmatic solutions to these mistakes that are critically important for anyone who wants to have healthy relationships – in their professional activities, with their friends and family, and with others in their community. Written in an engaging and relatable style, this book can be read quickly, but you shouldn’t skip the very helpful exercises informed by Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy that will help you integrate the information in the book into your life. I hope this book will become required reading in our schools and will recommend it to anyone whose relationships I want to flourish. Michele Borba, Ed.D., author UnSelfie and THRIVERS!

[Stephen Snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

The root causes of most relationship discord begin hundreds of thousands of years ago on the African savannah, where quick emotional reflexes were often lifesaving. Today, however, these same emotional reflexes tend to trap couples in endless, unproductive cycles of anger, fault-finding, and blame. Author Tsipursky masterfully applies the new brain science behind Thinking, Fast and Slow to show how slow, deliberate thinking can be the master key to avoiding the emotional traps that bedevil so many relationships. What's more, he's stocked this book with simple, actionable advice for turning resolutions into reality. Any intelligent modern couple, no matter how well-adjusted, will find much of value in this book. As a therapist, I've always found it paradoxical that most of my interventions with clients involved helping them be less emotional with each other. After reading The Blindspots Between Us, now I know why.

[John Kirbow]

This book is a perfect follow up to his recent one, 'Never Go With Your Gut'. It is as clear and practical as it is full of interesting details. Gleb's work and research in the area of human bias and thinking is deeply important. It is a critical piece of the puzzle for building a better world. This last book in particular has been invaluable in so many ways - for my own research, for some of the fine details of my own book I am writing, and in putting different puzzle pieces together about human behavior that I had previously not connected. I am very familiar with the human behavior and research fields, but even if I wasn't at all, this would ultimately have the same impact for me. He uses very accessible language, so I encourage people - especially those who do not have a background in social science or human psychology, to read it. It's written for everyday people with relationships and careers, and it decodifies things we should all know. It debunks very misleading but durable myths, with great explanation. It offers a way forward. Excellent and practical book.

[Liya Chernyakova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insight into our intuition, self-reflection, friendship and my secret craving for cheesecake. There was quite a share of aha-moments as I progressed through the book and keeping up with practical exercises ensured this discoveries were not just accrued dead knowledge. The key takeaway for me is that the instincts and automated thinking can be trained to better suite the modern environment. I am immediately applying what I read to improve my mother-daughter relationships and will definitely revisit the book for more advice and insight as I go. I ultimately recommend this book - whether you chose certain especially demanding areas in your relationships or take it as the holistic advice the book has lots to offer both in terms of understanding and analysis tool and the practical application.