What do you think?
Rate this book
This Is Not the End
A Polyamorous Love Story
Zacary Trevor is the love of Anya Alexander’s life. Their sometimes tumultuous marriage has survived ups, downs, and all the in-betweens. With successful careers, a lovely home, and a beautiful child, domestic bliss is a hard-earned reality for two people whose hedonistic days are in the not-so-distant past. They’re happy. Enter Zac’s best friend, the deeply reserved Cal Keller.
Zac’s friendship with Cal is the foundation of his career and—until Anya and their son came along—the most important relationship of his life. Cal’s a cipher, someone Anya can’t help but gravitate to, even if they don’t always get along. Even more, she’s drawn to the Zac she sees when he’s with Cal—a careful, cautious version of her husband, someone with hidden thoughts and desires kept secret even from her. Inviting Cal into their home, deeper into their life, is a risk.
Zac should say no. He knows he should. But he doesn’t. From the first, the hint at the life the three of them could have together is exhilarating. And finding a new definition for family just might be worth the risk to every bond that exists between them.
Zacary Trevor is the love of Anya Alexander’s life. Their sometimes tumultuous marriage has survived ups, downs, and all the in-betweens. With successful careers, a lovely home, and a beautiful child, domestic bliss is a hard-earned reality for two people whose hedonistic days are in the not-so-distant past. They’re happy. Enter Zac’s best friend, the deeply reserved Cal Keller.
Zac’s friendship with Cal is the foundation of his career and—until Anya and their son came along—the most important relationship of his life. Cal’s a cipher, someone Anya can’t help but gravitate to, even if they don’t always get along. Even more, she’s drawn to the Zac she sees when he’s with Cal—a careful, cautious version of her husband, someone with hidden thoughts and desires kept secret even from her. Inviting Cal into their home, deeper into their life, is a risk.
Zac should say no. He knows he should. But he doesn’t. From the first, the hint at the life the three of them could have together is exhilarating. And finding a new definition for family just might be worth the risk to every bond that exists between them.
216 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 11, 2021
36 people are currently reading
534 people want to read
About the author
Sidney Bell
8 books413 followersSidney Bell lives in the drizzly Pacific Northwest with her amazingly supportive husband. She received her MFA degree in Creative Writing in 2010, considered aiming for the Great American Novel, and then promptly started writing fanfiction instead. Eventually more realistic grown-ups convinced her to try writing something more fiscally responsible, which is how we ended up here.
When she’s not writing, she’s playing violent video games, yelling at the television during hockey games, or supporting her local library by turning books in late.
When she’s not writing, she’s playing violent video games, yelling at the television during hockey games, or supporting her local library by turning books in late.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
January 7, 2021
3 "affirming, sweet, needs a fair bit of work" stars !!
Thank you to Netgalley, the author and Carina Press for an e-copy in exchange for an honest review. This book is to be released next week on January 11, 2021.
First of all a full five stars for the inclusivity of bisexual triads as a legitimate family choice.
This book had me melting like warm honey, fired me up with passion at other times. What Ms. Bell does well she does excellently.
- a deep understanding and respect for male bisexual identity
- a deep understanding and respect for female sexuality that is in touch with her own needs without shame or guilt
- a deep understanding of interpersonal dynamics and barriers to relationship and romantic fulfillment
-very hot (but short) erotic scenes that stoke the loins
-also I adore the book cover...much nicer than the typical huge pecs and breasts that are on the cover of most of these types of books !!
This book, however, needs a fair bit of work
-transitions can be abrupt
-storyline needs more conflict
-deeper etching of character's psychologies
-dialogue that takes away rather than adds to the emotional impact of the story
I would classify this as an erotic romance. I truly hope that Ms. Bell continues to work on her craft as I can see huge potential for her not only to write excellent romance but perhaps also delve into literary fiction.
"
Thank you to Netgalley, the author and Carina Press for an e-copy in exchange for an honest review. This book is to be released next week on January 11, 2021.
First of all a full five stars for the inclusivity of bisexual triads as a legitimate family choice.
This book had me melting like warm honey, fired me up with passion at other times. What Ms. Bell does well she does excellently.
- a deep understanding and respect for male bisexual identity
- a deep understanding and respect for female sexuality that is in touch with her own needs without shame or guilt
- a deep understanding of interpersonal dynamics and barriers to relationship and romantic fulfillment
-very hot (but short) erotic scenes that stoke the loins
-also I adore the book cover...much nicer than the typical huge pecs and breasts that are on the cover of most of these types of books !!
This book, however, needs a fair bit of work
-transitions can be abrupt
-storyline needs more conflict
-deeper etching of character's psychologies
-dialogue that takes away rather than adds to the emotional impact of the story
I would classify this as an erotic romance. I truly hope that Ms. Bell continues to work on her craft as I can see huge potential for her not only to write excellent romance but perhaps also delve into literary fiction.
"
passing-narrator-not-4-me
October 20, 2020Are you fucking kidding me Tantor??! A female narrator? I am not pleased!!!
https://tantor.com/this-is-not-the-en...
https://tantor.com/this-is-not-the-en...
December 13, 2020
"Everything will be okay in the end..."
"If it isn't okay, it isn't the end."
Sidney Bell has not lost her touch. I'm not sure if my becoming verklempt at times while reading This Is Not the End was due to my being invested in these characters or my appreciation for how well Bell can craft said characters. Probably both.
Regardless.
The point is I found myself verklempt at the emotions, trials and tribulations of these characters. More importantly, I believed and invested in their journey. Each of them has their own distinct voice, backstory, strengths and shortcomings which is absolutely what I liked best about them. Anya, Zac and Cal are flawed characters and that is precisely what made them and their story so riveting.
Anya and Zac are married and have a son. Cal and Zac have been friends and bandmates for years so the UST is up on legendary. Anya and Zac are cut from the same impetuous and passionate cloth. Cal, on the other hand, is deliberate and steadfast. Anya is the lodestar. Zac is the joie de vivre and life-force and despite Cal's being a bit of a square he balances the relationship. He grounds them.
I hesitate to explain too much about their relationship but I think this might be a make it or break it point for many. So, and this is my opinion/understanding only , I would say they have an open marriage and Zac has leanings towards cuckholding. They have sex with other men and Zac is aroused by Anya having sex with other men. They are a package deal and all the other men are guest stars, so to speak. Until Cal.
The foundation of this polyamorous relationship hinges upon intertwining them in not only a realistic but a believable way. One that's beyond the prurient and deeper, more integral. Something that will withstand the test of time. I was convinced at the end of This Is Not the End of their durability for a multitude of reasons but mostly because they care about not only each other but their relationship and that shows in how they interact.
Suffice to say I, like many others, have had a difficult time concentrating or even mustering up the desire to read this year but I've been looking forward to this book since it was announced and I'm delighted it held my attention and gave me that immersive reading experience I've missed recently.
Recommended to fans of hurt/comfort, polyamory or the author's work.
An ARC was provided by Carina Press in exchange for an honest review.
January 18, 2021
1.5 stars
I’ve been staying away from m/f books because they don’t do it for me anymore. It seems like they have the same algorithm -headstrong heroine that speaks her mind, is gorgeous, not liked by all, snagged the playboy. Then there’s the hero who is a lady’s man, doesn’t do “ships” but settles down after a month with the “special girl”, family problems, oblivious to love, blah blah. I really don’t like hating on heroines or girls in general, and for the most part I didn’t hate Anya but I didn’t like her either. I’m all for girl power but in this case she just wouldn’t let us forget that she was big bad and strong. Also can she grow up? She didn’t like Cal because he was boring? And she kept talking about how she got irritated with him over dumb shit. That being said she was entertaining and fun when she wasn’t raging at everyone. Hers is the only POV I liked too. Zac was somewhat entertaining but all three characters were petty basic and their inner monologues were just so long and boring. I liked Cal but other times he was pretty fucking dense. The sex was eh and the only time I got excited was when Cal and Zac did their thang. I really don’t know why I don’t like m/f anymore but I don’t. I also think I’m done with ménage and definitely m/f/m because it just DOES NOT work for me.
I’ve been staying away from m/f books because they don’t do it for me anymore. It seems like they have the same algorithm -headstrong heroine that speaks her mind, is gorgeous, not liked by all, snagged the playboy. Then there’s the hero who is a lady’s man, doesn’t do “ships” but settles down after a month with the “special girl”, family problems, oblivious to love, blah blah. I really don’t like hating on heroines or girls in general, and for the most part I didn’t hate Anya but I didn’t like her either. I’m all for girl power but in this case she just wouldn’t let us forget that she was big bad and strong. Also can she grow up? She didn’t like Cal because he was boring? And she kept talking about how she got irritated with him over dumb shit. That being said she was entertaining and fun when she wasn’t raging at everyone. Hers is the only POV I liked too. Zac was somewhat entertaining but all three characters were petty basic and their inner monologues were just so long and boring. I liked Cal but other times he was pretty fucking dense. The sex was eh and the only time I got excited was when Cal and Zac did their thang. I really don’t know why I don’t like m/f anymore but I don’t. I also think I’m done with ménage and definitely m/f/m because it just DOES NOT work for me.
February 8, 2025
Wow. I love Sidney Bell and totally thought she could pull this off. But I had to force myself to finish this one. I’m not rich, not even close, but this “story,” (and I use the word loosely) simply felt like reading about three rich, bored people whose biggest problem is deciding who to have sex with and how often they should do it. God. Self indulgent is the best adjective that comes to mind.
Let’s start with the principal characters themselves, aka cardboard stereotypes of rock and roll celebrities and a requisite model girlfriend - although in this case, she’s the wife. There is absolutely nothing subtle or nuanced - or INTERESTING - about these people.
Zach is the hot and sexy bad boy lead singer who sometimes wears eyeliner, is a God in the sack - and not particular about whether men or women are in his bed (I’ll have to take the authors word for it because almost every scene goes from dick out to fucking in the space of a paragraph), and married to a woman he only knew for three months - even though he was SUPER DUPER (DON'T FORGET!!!) promiscuous before he randomly fell head over heels in love and got married. He’s a badass with a heart of gold. Cue the eye roll. He’s also messy, a bit immature and clueless that his best friend and bandmate has been in love with him for two decades. He loves Cal (the bandmate), too...but never admitted it. UNTIL HIS VERY WISE WIFE CAME ALONG.
Anya, his wife, is a former model and now photographer who is VERY INTELLIGENT (quit thinking she’s dumb), is always straight up honest, hates bullshitters and anyone who judges her, and is super cool. Also super in love with her husband. And maybe his best friend who she apparently barely even knows.
Look, read the room. Anya is totally cool and bonus points, she's a model. If you're rolling your eyes and/or assuming she might be someone you dislike simply based on this description, join me on this side of the room.
Oh, and PS, they have a perfect little boy who is adorable, conveniently disappears whenever the scene doesn’t require him, and is named after...Well, it’s as dumb as this story.
Then there’s Cal. The genius song writer behind the BIG HITS, a recovering alcoholic (although he’s convinced no one knows he is EVEN THOUGH ZACHARY NURSED HIM THROUGH 2 WEEKS OF WITHDRAWAL), and in love with his best friend Zach and possibly, even though he barely knows her, his best friends wife Anya. He is INTO commitment and BEING SERIOUS. Because he has DEEP feelings. They want him. He wants them. But maybe not. Because they like threesomes. And maybe he isn’t worthy of their commitment.
Ugh. Who cares? This was like reading US Magazine with sex. Lots of over the top, not very titillating, and definitely not romantic, sex.
I didn’t like the story. Obviously. But just to be clear, my dislike has nothing to do with the number of or gender of or sexuality of the people involved in this polyamorous relationship. The issue is the complete and total lack of a story.
This Is Not the End is essentially three consenting adults constantly justifying why they like each other to each other and telling themselves (via endless rambling inner monologues) that it's okay and totally "their" normal for them to be in a super sexual polyamorous relationship together. But there's no actual story here. They like each other, they want and have LOTS OF SEX together. In the entryway. On the stairs. On a bed. In a club. FFS, we get it. It's just constant introspective justification (when I don't need any to appreciate they like sex; they like it with multiple partners; and they chose these two partners because they like/love them the most) and sex scenes.
Reader, it's endless "I'm not worthy," and "You are worthy," and "No one should judge us, so STFU," - and since there's absolutely no one else is in this story, WHO IS SAYING THESE JUDGEY THINGS???! WHO ARE THESE FICTIONAL JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE YOU ARE TELLING OFF??
This book was hard to read and these characters are difficult to sympathize with; the conflict is borderline ridiculous. Either you know who your best friends in the whole world are, or...you don't? And they do.
Let’s start with the principal characters themselves, aka cardboard stereotypes of rock and roll celebrities and a requisite model girlfriend - although in this case, she’s the wife. There is absolutely nothing subtle or nuanced - or INTERESTING - about these people.
Zach is the hot and sexy bad boy lead singer who sometimes wears eyeliner, is a God in the sack - and not particular about whether men or women are in his bed (I’ll have to take the authors word for it because almost every scene goes from dick out to fucking in the space of a paragraph), and married to a woman he only knew for three months - even though he was SUPER DUPER (DON'T FORGET!!!) promiscuous before he randomly fell head over heels in love and got married. He’s a badass with a heart of gold. Cue the eye roll. He’s also messy, a bit immature and clueless that his best friend and bandmate has been in love with him for two decades. He loves Cal (the bandmate), too...but never admitted it. UNTIL HIS VERY WISE WIFE CAME ALONG.
Anya, his wife, is a former model and now photographer who is VERY INTELLIGENT (quit thinking she’s dumb), is always straight up honest, hates bullshitters and anyone who judges her, and is super cool. Also super in love with her husband. And maybe his best friend who she apparently barely even knows.
Look, read the room. Anya is totally cool and bonus points, she's a model. If you're rolling your eyes and/or assuming she might be someone you dislike simply based on this description, join me on this side of the room.
Oh, and PS, they have a perfect little boy who is adorable, conveniently disappears whenever the scene doesn’t require him, and is named after...Well, it’s as dumb as this story.
Then there’s Cal. The genius song writer behind the BIG HITS, a recovering alcoholic (although he’s convinced no one knows he is EVEN THOUGH ZACHARY NURSED HIM THROUGH 2 WEEKS OF WITHDRAWAL), and in love with his best friend Zach and possibly, even though he barely knows her, his best friends wife Anya. He is INTO commitment and BEING SERIOUS. Because he has DEEP feelings. They want him. He wants them. But maybe not. Because they like threesomes. And maybe he isn’t worthy of their commitment.
Ugh. Who cares? This was like reading US Magazine with sex. Lots of over the top, not very titillating, and definitely not romantic, sex.
I didn’t like the story. Obviously. But just to be clear, my dislike has nothing to do with the number of or gender of or sexuality of the people involved in this polyamorous relationship. The issue is the complete and total lack of a story.
This Is Not the End is essentially three consenting adults constantly justifying why they like each other to each other and telling themselves (via endless rambling inner monologues) that it's okay and totally "their" normal for them to be in a super sexual polyamorous relationship together. But there's no actual story here. They like each other, they want and have LOTS OF SEX together. In the entryway. On the stairs. On a bed. In a club. FFS, we get it. It's just constant introspective justification (when I don't need any to appreciate they like sex; they like it with multiple partners; and they chose these two partners because they like/love them the most) and sex scenes.
Reader, it's endless "I'm not worthy," and "You are worthy," and "No one should judge us, so STFU," - and since there's absolutely no one else is in this story, WHO IS SAYING THESE JUDGEY THINGS???! WHO ARE THESE FICTIONAL JUDGMENTAL PEOPLE YOU ARE TELLING OFF??
This book was hard to read and these characters are difficult to sympathize with; the conflict is borderline ridiculous. Either you know who your best friends in the whole world are, or...you don't? And they do.
olhadela
September 2, 2020HOLY SHITE.
YES, PLEASE!
January 14, 2021
Anya Alexander and Zacary (Zac) Trevor are happily married and parents of baby PJ. Theirs is an unconventional relationship to say the least but not surprising given that he’s the famous lead singer and guitarist of a rock band and she’s a former model turned fashion photographer. They’re wealthy and unconcerned about what others think of them, which isn’t a consideration when Anya proposes introducing Zac’s best friend and bandmate Cal Keller into their relationship.
This story turned out to be polar opposite of my expectations and that was a good thing. It’s not my first polyamorous story but it is also nothing like any I’ve read before. Anya, contrary to stereotype, is the dominant force in the relationship and you get that from the opening line. Zac led a fairly hedonistic lifestyle before meeting and marrying her but she grounds him in a unique way. He and Cal have been lifelong friends but neither has been honest with themselves or each other about their deeply rooted feelings.
What makes this story work is the outstanding character development. Yes, the sexual component is provocative but Anya is unlike any character I’ve come across. She’s pretty out there with her life choices but is so incredibly honest it’s refreshing. I didn’t always like her but always admired her authenticity and devotion to being that way. Her deft manner in coaxing Zac and Cal to be as equally honest in their communication kept me in this story. I’m really glad I chose the audiobook as the narrator was so talented in her performances for all three characters, I was about midway before I realized there wasn’t another narrator for Zac & Cal! I enjoyed this story that’s more about three people who are bonded far beyond their sexual attraction and created their own definition of family. And, I’ve discovered a new narrator to add to my list of favorites.
Posted on Blue Mood Café
(Thanks to Tantor Audio for my complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.)
This story turned out to be polar opposite of my expectations and that was a good thing. It’s not my first polyamorous story but it is also nothing like any I’ve read before. Anya, contrary to stereotype, is the dominant force in the relationship and you get that from the opening line. Zac led a fairly hedonistic lifestyle before meeting and marrying her but she grounds him in a unique way. He and Cal have been lifelong friends but neither has been honest with themselves or each other about their deeply rooted feelings.
What makes this story work is the outstanding character development. Yes, the sexual component is provocative but Anya is unlike any character I’ve come across. She’s pretty out there with her life choices but is so incredibly honest it’s refreshing. I didn’t always like her but always admired her authenticity and devotion to being that way. Her deft manner in coaxing Zac and Cal to be as equally honest in their communication kept me in this story. I’m really glad I chose the audiobook as the narrator was so talented in her performances for all three characters, I was about midway before I realized there wasn’t another narrator for Zac & Cal! I enjoyed this story that’s more about three people who are bonded far beyond their sexual attraction and created their own definition of family. And, I’ve discovered a new narrator to add to my list of favorites.
Posted on Blue Mood Café
(Thanks to Tantor Audio for my complimentary copy. All opinions are my own.)
April 10, 2021
I'm not sure I've ever read a polyamorous romance. But if there any others out there like this one? I will absolutely be adding them to my TBR.
I knew the bare bones of this story before requesting as I follow Bell pretty closely and remember when she first announced this (using a memorable gif from Tangled involving kissing unicorns) however to be honest I would've requested this even had I known nothing at all because Bell is an auto-read author for me. The fact that she took me to a new place was just a bonus.
This is a very character-driven story without very much outside noise beyond the immediate world of these three characters. It gave it a really intimate feel without feeling totally out of touch or insular. It is chockfull of feelings, steam, and quite a few laughs, too.
"How are you better in bed than me? I've had so much more sex than you."
"Quantity and quality are two different things."
Each character was so beautifully drawn, so vivid, so distinctly themselves, and how they fit together was just.. well, it was just perfect, even when it wasn't, and I truly loved watching it all unfold.
In a year where I've struggled so much with reading, with focus, and particularly in this last month, I picked this up and didn't put it down until I was done. I was totally sucked in. Which probably explains why I have only one highlight for this read when there were so many lovely passages or moments I would have otherwise wanted to preserve. I was too enthralled to pause even for that.
I'm so happy the release drought from this author is over and can say without a doubt that she has not lost her touch. I can't wait to see where she goes next. If this isn't already on your radar, it should be. Not only this one but the author's entire backlist. Dive in and enjoy, you can thank me later.
** I received an ARC from NetGalley and the publisher (thank you!) in exchange for an honest review. **
----
This review can also be found at A Take From Two Cities.
I knew the bare bones of this story before requesting as I follow Bell pretty closely and remember when she first announced this (using a memorable gif from Tangled involving kissing unicorns) however to be honest I would've requested this even had I known nothing at all because Bell is an auto-read author for me. The fact that she took me to a new place was just a bonus.
This is a very character-driven story without very much outside noise beyond the immediate world of these three characters. It gave it a really intimate feel without feeling totally out of touch or insular. It is chockfull of feelings, steam, and quite a few laughs, too.
"How are you better in bed than me? I've had so much more sex than you."
"Quantity and quality are two different things."
Each character was so beautifully drawn, so vivid, so distinctly themselves, and how they fit together was just.. well, it was just perfect, even when it wasn't, and I truly loved watching it all unfold.
In a year where I've struggled so much with reading, with focus, and particularly in this last month, I picked this up and didn't put it down until I was done. I was totally sucked in. Which probably explains why I have only one highlight for this read when there were so many lovely passages or moments I would have otherwise wanted to preserve. I was too enthralled to pause even for that.
I'm so happy the release drought from this author is over and can say without a doubt that she has not lost her touch. I can't wait to see where she goes next. If this isn't already on your radar, it should be. Not only this one but the author's entire backlist. Dive in and enjoy, you can thank me later.
** I received an ARC from NetGalley and the publisher (thank you!) in exchange for an honest review. **
----
This review can also be found at A Take From Two Cities.
February 6, 2021
4.5 stars. This polyamorous MMF contemporary romance floored me. Anya and Zac are married and occasionally invite a third into the bedroom. She decides Zac’s best friend and bandmate Cal would be a great birthday present for Zac, though neither of them are sure he’d be into that, and then it builds from there. This had angst for days. Anya and Cal haven’t really gotten along before this idea presented itself and so they’re figuring out a friendship on top of evolving into a sexual relationship. Plus, Cal thinks Zac isn’t actually into him, since Zac usually takes the role as voyeur when he and Anya play. Cal is extremely buttoned up and has difficulty talking about his struggles, including his sobriety. He thinks he’s only going to be a fling to Zac and Anya, even though he’s secretly been in love with Zac for years.
On top of all this, Zac and Cal are working on their next album and I loved seeing how the songs came together and what their respective strengths were. Cal is the songwriter and his process was compelling to see in action. The way the album faced roadblocks and the way they navigated their relationship as a triad was fascinating. They are all good for one another and I really appreciated how every aspect evolved. There are some extremely hot scenes but I’ll remember this more for the way it squeezed my heart as Cal dealt with his insecurities and they figured out a way forward.
The book is divided into three parts. Part 1 is from Anya’s POV, Part 2 is Cal, and then Part 3/epilogue is Zac. This was such a great flow, starting with Anya as the instigator and then moving on to Cal who seemingly has the most to lose and who also holds his cards closest to the vest. Then closing it out with Zac who is initially the bridge between Anya and Cal. It all worked to great effect. It’s written in 3rd person present. I don’t always notice what tense a book is written in but there was an immediacy to the story that made me pay close attention. I really liked getting to be in all three characters’ heads and see how they saw each other.
Angst aside, the other big reason this story really worked for me was Anya. I think some will write her off as an unlikable heroine but that wouldn’t be fair. She’s prickly, a little bit mean, fierce, honest, and forthright. She is the reason anything more can happen between Zac and Cal. If not for her suggesting Cal join them, he and Zac would have continued on as friends and bandmates forevermore. And that might be fine but there’s a magical alchemy that occurs between the three of them together. Plus, the two men have always had connection and chemistry, even if they didn’t admit it before this—or act on it, in Cal’s case. Because Anya is who she is and because she’s a great observer, their lives are all improved. She’s a force to be reckoned with and I adored her.
There are a few things to be aware of in terms of content warnings. Anya and Zac’s relationship was volatile when it first began and that includes one instance of intimate partner violence. We find this out after we’ve already seen the healthy ways they communicate and fight. It is clearly something that was part of their past and they decided it would not be their future dynamic. More details: . However, Zac and Cal . Overall these three have a great relationship and are able to figure out healthy communication habits but the inclusion of these elements could be triggering.
The story also heavily deals with Cal’s sobriety. This is something he’s largely dealt with on his own for the past 8 years, aside from AA and his sponsor. Zac and the manager are aware he’s no longer drinking and they made changes like alcohol no longer being present backstage or in green rooms. But it’s not something he’s discussed at length or really much at all with Zac, until now. Cal is tempted but he does not relapse and Zac and Anya do a great job supporting him, even if they don’t always agree with his methods .
At the same time, there was a ton of ableist language throughout the story that at times felt like it undermined the work Cal was doing. The amount of self-recrimination Cal directed toward himself could be hard to take, especially when he or others put his actions (past or present) under the label of crazy or insane. While there was some great inclusive dialogue around sexuality, there was also gender essentialism and gendered stereotypes and insults and a very odd line about someone’s eyes, stating “Bambi would look butch in contrast.” I loved this story but these elements gave me pause and I wanted to mention them here in case they would be dealbreakers for someone else.
Character notes: Anya is a 26 year old white photographer and former model. She’s 5’11 and a poor reader (no learning disability disclosed/diagnosed but it takes her 30 minutes to read a page.) Zac is a 39 year old white bisexual guitarist and lead singer. Cal is a 38 year old white bisexual bass player and songwriter. He has been sober for 8 years and he’s extremely buttoned up. PJ is Zac and Anya’s baby. Zac and Anya have been married 3 years. Zac and Cal have been best friends and bandmates for 20 years. Hyde is an industrial rock band. This is set in LA.
CW: alcoholism/sobriety (this is a big part of Cal’s story; ), alcohol (only Zac and Anya), intimate partner violence (), past car accident (Cal drove drunk), pregnancy epilogue, hyperbolic slang around suicide, discussion of songs about suicidal ideation and a man dying of a heart attack, diet culture (former model), Zac is estranged from his mother, gender essentialism/gendered stereotypes, gendered insults, ableist language
On top of all this, Zac and Cal are working on their next album and I loved seeing how the songs came together and what their respective strengths were. Cal is the songwriter and his process was compelling to see in action. The way the album faced roadblocks and the way they navigated their relationship as a triad was fascinating. They are all good for one another and I really appreciated how every aspect evolved. There are some extremely hot scenes but I’ll remember this more for the way it squeezed my heart as Cal dealt with his insecurities and they figured out a way forward.
The book is divided into three parts. Part 1 is from Anya’s POV, Part 2 is Cal, and then Part 3/epilogue is Zac. This was such a great flow, starting with Anya as the instigator and then moving on to Cal who seemingly has the most to lose and who also holds his cards closest to the vest. Then closing it out with Zac who is initially the bridge between Anya and Cal. It all worked to great effect. It’s written in 3rd person present. I don’t always notice what tense a book is written in but there was an immediacy to the story that made me pay close attention. I really liked getting to be in all three characters’ heads and see how they saw each other.
Angst aside, the other big reason this story really worked for me was Anya. I think some will write her off as an unlikable heroine but that wouldn’t be fair. She’s prickly, a little bit mean, fierce, honest, and forthright. She is the reason anything more can happen between Zac and Cal. If not for her suggesting Cal join them, he and Zac would have continued on as friends and bandmates forevermore. And that might be fine but there’s a magical alchemy that occurs between the three of them together. Plus, the two men have always had connection and chemistry, even if they didn’t admit it before this—or act on it, in Cal’s case. Because Anya is who she is and because she’s a great observer, their lives are all improved. She’s a force to be reckoned with and I adored her.
There are a few things to be aware of in terms of content warnings. Anya and Zac’s relationship was volatile when it first began and that includes one instance of intimate partner violence. We find this out after we’ve already seen the healthy ways they communicate and fight. It is clearly something that was part of their past and they decided it would not be their future dynamic. More details: . However, Zac and Cal . Overall these three have a great relationship and are able to figure out healthy communication habits but the inclusion of these elements could be triggering.
The story also heavily deals with Cal’s sobriety. This is something he’s largely dealt with on his own for the past 8 years, aside from AA and his sponsor. Zac and the manager are aware he’s no longer drinking and they made changes like alcohol no longer being present backstage or in green rooms. But it’s not something he’s discussed at length or really much at all with Zac, until now. Cal is tempted but he does not relapse and Zac and Anya do a great job supporting him, even if they don’t always agree with his methods .
At the same time, there was a ton of ableist language throughout the story that at times felt like it undermined the work Cal was doing. The amount of self-recrimination Cal directed toward himself could be hard to take, especially when he or others put his actions (past or present) under the label of crazy or insane. While there was some great inclusive dialogue around sexuality, there was also gender essentialism and gendered stereotypes and insults and a very odd line about someone’s eyes, stating “Bambi would look butch in contrast.” I loved this story but these elements gave me pause and I wanted to mention them here in case they would be dealbreakers for someone else.
Character notes: Anya is a 26 year old white photographer and former model. She’s 5’11 and a poor reader (no learning disability disclosed/diagnosed but it takes her 30 minutes to read a page.) Zac is a 39 year old white bisexual guitarist and lead singer. Cal is a 38 year old white bisexual bass player and songwriter. He has been sober for 8 years and he’s extremely buttoned up. PJ is Zac and Anya’s baby. Zac and Anya have been married 3 years. Zac and Cal have been best friends and bandmates for 20 years. Hyde is an industrial rock band. This is set in LA.
CW: alcoholism/sobriety (this is a big part of Cal’s story; ), alcohol (only Zac and Anya), intimate partner violence (), past car accident (Cal drove drunk), pregnancy epilogue, hyperbolic slang around suicide, discussion of songs about suicidal ideation and a man dying of a heart attack, diet culture (former model), Zac is estranged from his mother, gender essentialism/gendered stereotypes, gendered insults, ableist language
January 11, 2021
A Joyfully Jay review.
5 stars
I have liked everything I have read from Sidney Bell and even though I knew This is Not the End was going to be good, this book turned out to be fantastic. It’s a deeply emotional, raw, and vulnerable look at the lives and love of Anya, Zac, and Cal and their path to create their family.
The book is told in three parts with no chapters. The third person perspective gives the book a dreamy and emotional feel. The first part is from Anya’s point of view and we get caught up on her relationship and marriage to Zac. The second part is told from Cal’s point of view and there is a whole lot going on with him.
The book is erotic and sensual and plays off the differences in the way these three approach a relationship. All of the characters have their own strengths and watching them navigate each other was enthralling and riveting.
This book is written the way I like to read—highly character driven, with just the right words, descriptions, and details to add incredible depth to the characters and their story.
Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.
5 stars
I have liked everything I have read from Sidney Bell and even though I knew This is Not the End was going to be good, this book turned out to be fantastic. It’s a deeply emotional, raw, and vulnerable look at the lives and love of Anya, Zac, and Cal and their path to create their family.
The book is told in three parts with no chapters. The third person perspective gives the book a dreamy and emotional feel. The first part is from Anya’s point of view and we get caught up on her relationship and marriage to Zac. The second part is told from Cal’s point of view and there is a whole lot going on with him.
The book is erotic and sensual and plays off the differences in the way these three approach a relationship. All of the characters have their own strengths and watching them navigate each other was enthralling and riveting.
This book is written the way I like to read—highly character driven, with just the right words, descriptions, and details to add incredible depth to the characters and their story.
Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.
December 30, 2021
I enjoyed this more than I thought. This author just rocks it.
Cal stole the show. I didn't relate well to the other MCs, but the story was still great.
Cal stole the show. I didn't relate well to the other MCs, but the story was still great.
January 2, 2022
*4.25 stars*
December 18, 2020
Flipping heck! I don’t know what I thought I was expecting, I knew I was going to love it. Everything Sidney Bell has written has left me awestruck. This is Not the End is no exception. I was hooked from the get go. Eager to learn more about Zac and Anna’s relationship, they were after all, happily married. Anna was such a straight-up gal. No hiding behind rose coloured glasses, she says it like it is. Completely refreshing. I loved her. Zac and Anna’s relationship is completely transparent, they have no secrets, so when Zak’s best friend and band mate, Cal, is factored into their marriage, things start to get interesting. Cal struggles with how a relationship could work between the three of them, and the story centres around all their feelings and emotions, it totally worked for me. I loved the insights into Cal’s mind, especially with all his insecurities. Sidney Bell has a way with words and she expresses her character’s thoughts and worries in the best possible way. They were passionate, emotional, and oh so sexy, the chemistry between the three of them really worked. I loved it, plain and simple. I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. This is my honest review.
January 30, 2021
Hello yes I would like to give this a thousand stars, here's why;
Many writers try a polyamory story but end up making it all TEH SERIOUS, all the time. This author managed a blend of humor and playfulness and calling bullshit and serious that feels right to me, a lifelong polyamorist. KUDOS! The representation of alcoholism is terrific, the misunderstandings are downright artful, the lovely prose keeps everything bright and rich... I'm in awe. The plot is so good. Every moment is character-driven. I mean, the baby is exactly the amount of cute/distraction/disruption presence needed. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Although Cal and I don't share a lot of emotional baseline, there's enough similarity that I felt for the guy. Anya's a f*king delight, and Zac is her perfect counterpoint--and Cal's. The shifting dynamic as they adjust is just beautiful, and I adore the author's dividing the novel into chunks, giving each POV character room to think and misunderstand and adjust.
I mean... it's just so GOOD. Unusual, fearless, inspiring, hilarious, and so damn sweet. And it has layered in another thing many writers skip: time. The guys know each other well--or they think they do. Yet another thing this author get's right; even though Anya's the newest to their dynamic, she is the driving force, and that's typical in polyamory. The women lead, their men want them to. A lot of people (many of them supposedly polyam males) don't know that, or don't honor it. Zac gets it, wild as he is.
Anyway. All the stars. Read this one.
Many writers try a polyamory story but end up making it all TEH SERIOUS, all the time. This author managed a blend of humor and playfulness and calling bullshit and serious that feels right to me, a lifelong polyamorist. KUDOS! The representation of alcoholism is terrific, the misunderstandings are downright artful, the lovely prose keeps everything bright and rich... I'm in awe. The plot is so good. Every moment is character-driven. I mean, the baby is exactly the amount of cute/distraction/disruption presence needed. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Although Cal and I don't share a lot of emotional baseline, there's enough similarity that I felt for the guy. Anya's a f*king delight, and Zac is her perfect counterpoint--and Cal's. The shifting dynamic as they adjust is just beautiful, and I adore the author's dividing the novel into chunks, giving each POV character room to think and misunderstand and adjust.
I mean... it's just so GOOD. Unusual, fearless, inspiring, hilarious, and so damn sweet. And it has layered in another thing many writers skip: time. The guys know each other well--or they think they do. Yet another thing this author get's right; even though Anya's the newest to their dynamic, she is the driving force, and that's typical in polyamory. The women lead, their men want them to. A lot of people (many of them supposedly polyam males) don't know that, or don't honor it. Zac gets it, wild as he is.
Anyway. All the stars. Read this one.
February 3, 2021
Simply brilliant
I pretty much only read MM these days, not MMF, but I would read Sidney Bell’s grocery list, so picking this up was a no-brainer. What made me put it off just a teensy bit was the anticipation of ANGST because I have to be in the right mindset for that. While I have to confess to some tears, it actually wasn’t as bad as I feared. Phew! (Yep, I’m a total wuss about angst. I have learned to accept this about myself.)
ANYHOO, I can’t remember the last time I highlighted a book this much. This author has such an amazing gift of drawing you in right away. The characters all felt so real to me—very flawed and very lovable. There were moments of humor and moments of heat and moments that felt profound and deep. This is a book that will live in my heart for years to come.
I pretty much only read MM these days, not MMF, but I would read Sidney Bell’s grocery list, so picking this up was a no-brainer. What made me put it off just a teensy bit was the anticipation of ANGST because I have to be in the right mindset for that. While I have to confess to some tears, it actually wasn’t as bad as I feared. Phew! (Yep, I’m a total wuss about angst. I have learned to accept this about myself.)
ANYHOO, I can’t remember the last time I highlighted a book this much. This author has such an amazing gift of drawing you in right away. The characters all felt so real to me—very flawed and very lovable. There were moments of humor and moments of heat and moments that felt profound and deep. This is a book that will live in my heart for years to come.
January 6, 2021
Voilà un peu plus de deux ans que j'attendais une nouvelle parution de Sidney Bell. Lorsque j'ai vu cette sortie pointer le bout de son nez dans sa newsletter, j'ai été surprise de voir qu'il s'agissait d'un MMF. Très peu attirée par ce genre de romance, j'ai décidé de faire confiance à cet auteur que j'adore.
Comme je le disais, je ne suis pas attirée par le MMF. C'est le premier vrai MMF que je lis d'ailleurs (mon premier étant un MFM). J'ai démarré ce roman en connaissance de cause et je pense avoir suffisamment l'esprit ouvert pour pouvoir me faire une idée de l'histoire.
Je suis un peu embêtée, car oui j'adore l'auteur, son style, sa plume. Mais, je n'ai pas été super emballée par ma lecture...
Le premier souci a été pour moi le démarrage. Le couple formé par Zac et Anya est un couple plutôt ouvert et aime partager leur lit avec une tierce personne qui est tojours un homme. Cet aspect de leur couple est mis en avant d'emblée, en première page, voire même première ligne. Ils ont jeté leur dévolu sur leur ami de longue date Cal.
Ensuite, l'essentiel de l'histoire tourne autour de ça... Personnellement, j'ai eu du mal à m'attacher aux personnages, à me sentir concernée par leur couple, ou plutôt trouple.
J'aurais eu besoin de plus de développement, de leurs histoires à chacun, plus de matières, du contexte.
Après, dans la seconde moitié, l'auteur traite des insécurités de Cal, de ses incertitudes. J'ai bien aimé ces passages mais pour moi, ça n'allait pas trop avec le reste, car il m'a manqué quelque chose pour adhérer vraiment à l'ensemble, à leur histoire. Dans cette seconde partie, on va un peu plus en profondeur des choses aussi...
Je m'attendais à plus, à plus de pages c'est certain, à plus de développement pour un sujet qui est, pour moi, difficile à comprendre, plus de psychologie. Je n'ai pas été suffisamment immiscée dans la vie de ces personnages... On passe presque du tout au rien dans certains cas de figure. Mais c'est uniquement mon ressenti. J'aurais souhaité que la relation que Cal entretient avec Zac et Anya soit plus exploitée. On sait qu'il a un lien fort avec Zac, mais ça ne va pas plus loin, excepté lorsqu'il se montre un peu plus vers la fin.
Le personnage avec lequel j'ai eu plus de mal est Anya. Autant, elle a un caractère fort, elle sait ce qu'elle veut, mais d'un autre côté, je l'ai trouvé irrespectueuse vis à vis de Cal et de l'amitié entre Cal et Zac. Elle semble se radoucir par la suite, mais elle passe du tout au rien. Pour elle, inviter Cal dans son lit était juste pour le fun, puis ensuite on lui dit : non faut que ce soit sérieux et d'un coup vive le couple à 3 et les petits oiseaux ! ahah
L'auteur a osé en tout cas un nouveau genre, et elle l'a fait dans le respect des désirs de chacun, des deux hommes et de la femme. Les scènes sensuelles sont très bien écrites il faut dire aussi !
Je n'ai peut-être pas tout capté, tout compris, ou été moins sensible à cette histoire que d'autres le seraient et à ce que l'auteur a essayé de faire passer. Je serai de toute façon présente pour la sortie du prochain roman de Sidney Bell, qui je l'espère, ne tardera pas trop longtemps.
Comme je le disais, je ne suis pas attirée par le MMF. C'est le premier vrai MMF que je lis d'ailleurs (mon premier étant un MFM). J'ai démarré ce roman en connaissance de cause et je pense avoir suffisamment l'esprit ouvert pour pouvoir me faire une idée de l'histoire.
Je suis un peu embêtée, car oui j'adore l'auteur, son style, sa plume. Mais, je n'ai pas été super emballée par ma lecture...
Le premier souci a été pour moi le démarrage. Le couple formé par Zac et Anya est un couple plutôt ouvert et aime partager leur lit avec une tierce personne qui est tojours un homme. Cet aspect de leur couple est mis en avant d'emblée, en première page, voire même première ligne. Ils ont jeté leur dévolu sur leur ami de longue date Cal.
Ensuite, l'essentiel de l'histoire tourne autour de ça... Personnellement, j'ai eu du mal à m'attacher aux personnages, à me sentir concernée par leur couple, ou plutôt trouple.
J'aurais eu besoin de plus de développement, de leurs histoires à chacun, plus de matières, du contexte.
Après, dans la seconde moitié, l'auteur traite des insécurités de Cal, de ses incertitudes. J'ai bien aimé ces passages mais pour moi, ça n'allait pas trop avec le reste, car il m'a manqué quelque chose pour adhérer vraiment à l'ensemble, à leur histoire. Dans cette seconde partie, on va un peu plus en profondeur des choses aussi...
Je m'attendais à plus, à plus de pages c'est certain, à plus de développement pour un sujet qui est, pour moi, difficile à comprendre, plus de psychologie. Je n'ai pas été suffisamment immiscée dans la vie de ces personnages... On passe presque du tout au rien dans certains cas de figure. Mais c'est uniquement mon ressenti. J'aurais souhaité que la relation que Cal entretient avec Zac et Anya soit plus exploitée. On sait qu'il a un lien fort avec Zac, mais ça ne va pas plus loin, excepté lorsqu'il se montre un peu plus vers la fin.
Le personnage avec lequel j'ai eu plus de mal est Anya. Autant, elle a un caractère fort, elle sait ce qu'elle veut, mais d'un autre côté, je l'ai trouvé irrespectueuse vis à vis de Cal et de l'amitié entre Cal et Zac. Elle semble se radoucir par la suite, mais elle passe du tout au rien. Pour elle, inviter Cal dans son lit était juste pour le fun, puis ensuite on lui dit : non faut que ce soit sérieux et d'un coup vive le couple à 3 et les petits oiseaux ! ahah
L'auteur a osé en tout cas un nouveau genre, et elle l'a fait dans le respect des désirs de chacun, des deux hommes et de la femme. Les scènes sensuelles sont très bien écrites il faut dire aussi !
Je n'ai peut-être pas tout capté, tout compris, ou été moins sensible à cette histoire que d'autres le seraient et à ce que l'auteur a essayé de faire passer. Je serai de toute façon présente pour la sortie du prochain roman de Sidney Bell, qui je l'espère, ne tardera pas trop longtemps.
January 17, 2021
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for providing an advanced copy of this book. I am providing a voluntary review. All thoughts and views are my own.
Okay, first and foremost, I adore the way Sidney Bell portrays the polyamorous love triad in This Is Not The End. She gives both Cal and Zac a healthy bisexual identity, and Anya’s secure in her sexuality and not afraid to voice her needs. While I was concerned over the amount of time spent with these characters as they introspective battles about the validity and “rightness” of their wants and needs—paired with them then turning around and essentially saying “F*ck anyone who isn’t okay with who we are”—I feel the overall portrayal was well done. I just wish there would’ve been some external conflict in the story outside them trying to decide whether their love and lust for one another would or should be accepted by the outside world.
That being said, I think a lot of their concerns are valid—there are a lot of hateful people out there who don’t accept things that aren’t exactly as they believe they should be. But I do wish Zac, Cal, and Anya would’ve made the decision to put their love above all else a little earlier and had a larger conflict in the story that stood in the way of them finding their HEA.
Now, all that aside, I really did love this story. It had brief but steamy love scenes—lots of them!—and I think it handled the dynamics of the triad very well. I felt the love from all sides and it wasn’t something that felt forced or unnatural for the characters.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is into erotic romance and who loves love. I think this would be a wonderful read for anyone who wants more diverse romance couplings in their reading world.
Okay, first and foremost, I adore the way Sidney Bell portrays the polyamorous love triad in This Is Not The End. She gives both Cal and Zac a healthy bisexual identity, and Anya’s secure in her sexuality and not afraid to voice her needs. While I was concerned over the amount of time spent with these characters as they introspective battles about the validity and “rightness” of their wants and needs—paired with them then turning around and essentially saying “F*ck anyone who isn’t okay with who we are”—I feel the overall portrayal was well done. I just wish there would’ve been some external conflict in the story outside them trying to decide whether their love and lust for one another would or should be accepted by the outside world.
That being said, I think a lot of their concerns are valid—there are a lot of hateful people out there who don’t accept things that aren’t exactly as they believe they should be. But I do wish Zac, Cal, and Anya would’ve made the decision to put their love above all else a little earlier and had a larger conflict in the story that stood in the way of them finding their HEA.
Now, all that aside, I really did love this story. It had brief but steamy love scenes—lots of them!—and I think it handled the dynamics of the triad very well. I felt the love from all sides and it wasn’t something that felt forced or unnatural for the characters.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is into erotic romance and who loves love. I think this would be a wonderful read for anyone who wants more diverse romance couplings in their reading world.
January 12, 2021
(CW: This book has a past physical domestic violence scene between two of the main characters - and the way it's hand-waved away here is what I'm going to talk about).
January 23, 2021
Early review -
This is Not the End is a fabulous read by Sidney Bell.
I love this book. Everything about it works for me.
--------
Blog review -
This is Not the End is great polyamorous MMF romance by Sidney Bell.
This is a tale of bandmates Zac and Cal. And Zac's wife Anya.
Zac and his wife Anya are players. With Zac's birthday approaching, she wants to do something special for him.
What follows is emotional and intense. And hot!
We get to follow along as they make their way through their feelings, conversations, first times, and the development into more. And I love it all!
Written in third person present tense, it's definitely not my favorite writing style. But the storyline and emotional are enough to overlook it.
This is Not the End is a fabulous MMF menage romance. Sidney Bell gave the readers everything we'd want in such a story. It's a riveting and beautiful tale of unconventional love.
This is Not the End is a fabulous read by Sidney Bell.
I love this book. Everything about it works for me.
--------
Blog review -
This is Not the End is great polyamorous MMF romance by Sidney Bell.
This is a tale of bandmates Zac and Cal. And Zac's wife Anya.
Zac and his wife Anya are players. With Zac's birthday approaching, she wants to do something special for him.
What follows is emotional and intense. And hot!
We get to follow along as they make their way through their feelings, conversations, first times, and the development into more. And I love it all!
Written in third person present tense, it's definitely not my favorite writing style. But the storyline and emotional are enough to overlook it.
This is Not the End is a fabulous MMF menage romance. Sidney Bell gave the readers everything we'd want in such a story. It's a riveting and beautiful tale of unconventional love.
00-mm-horrible-disaster-fail-dnf
November 17, 2020I do NOT want any type of females/women in my M/M books ... I want M/M books to be STRICTLY M/M [translation, MEN MEN MEN]!!!
It’s obnoxious when an M/M series randomly has women shoved into it ... As far as my reading preferences go, WOMEN have ZERO place in an M/M book about MALE relationships between MEN!!!
That is all 😊!!!
It’s obnoxious when an M/M series randomly has women shoved into it ... As far as my reading preferences go, WOMEN have ZERO place in an M/M book about MALE relationships between MEN!!!
That is all 😊!!!
January 10, 2021
I love this book. It is rare to read a book about polygamy without it just being about sex. Sidney Bell breaks the trope mold with an in-depth and thoughtful relationship about what it means to mean polyamorous and how Anya, Zac, and Cal navigate it.
Polyamory is not easy. There are many books that indicate differently, but that is just romantic fiction. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is rare to find a book that is sensitive to everyone’s issues regarding this lifestyle choice and need. This Is Not The End is this rare book.
I love everyone in the book. Bell does not make easy choices and neither do the characters. Anya is smart-mouth to where she can almost be annoying. Zac and Anya have an honest open relationship which welcomes fly-by interludes. Zac either watches or joins in. Their life has slowed down a bit since the birth of their child, but their beliefs have stayed the same.
Anya has realized that it is time to play again and just starts randomly thinking of people. In an out-of-the-blue moment, Anya asks Zac about his best friend Cal. Zac and Cal have known each other for 20 years. They started a band together and have been riding the road of success (though there have been tough years). Cal has witnessed all of the partying that Zac has participated in.
Now this is where all of the relationships get tricky because how well do we really know ourselves and each other? Bell navigates us through addiction, shame, and the struggles of intimacy within a couple never mind including a full-time third. At times Cal’s pain is hard to read. We get to know the real Cal as Anya and Zac start to peel back the layers that Cal hides behind.
Bell writes about how hard communication can be and how we have to change our thinking sometimes, such as Anya and Zac safe-wording while arguing. I think the most important lesson is one that Anya learns and this to listen. There is a reactionary moment regarding Cal’s opinion on their lifestyle, but Anya has been judging Cal along. I find her growth as a person really indicates how much people have to change to engage in a poly relationship. Love is not really the answer, it might get through some tough times, but there has to be more.
This Is Not The End does have some fun scenes too, it is not all talk (laugh). There is laughter, music, and family. Sidney Bell provides everything that is hard and great about poly life and I loved it.
I received an ARC of this book and I am writing a review without prejudice and voluntarily.
Polyamory is not easy. There are many books that indicate differently, but that is just romantic fiction. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is rare to find a book that is sensitive to everyone’s issues regarding this lifestyle choice and need. This Is Not The End is this rare book.
I love everyone in the book. Bell does not make easy choices and neither do the characters. Anya is smart-mouth to where she can almost be annoying. Zac and Anya have an honest open relationship which welcomes fly-by interludes. Zac either watches or joins in. Their life has slowed down a bit since the birth of their child, but their beliefs have stayed the same.
Anya has realized that it is time to play again and just starts randomly thinking of people. In an out-of-the-blue moment, Anya asks Zac about his best friend Cal. Zac and Cal have known each other for 20 years. They started a band together and have been riding the road of success (though there have been tough years). Cal has witnessed all of the partying that Zac has participated in.
Now this is where all of the relationships get tricky because how well do we really know ourselves and each other? Bell navigates us through addiction, shame, and the struggles of intimacy within a couple never mind including a full-time third. At times Cal’s pain is hard to read. We get to know the real Cal as Anya and Zac start to peel back the layers that Cal hides behind.
Bell writes about how hard communication can be and how we have to change our thinking sometimes, such as Anya and Zac safe-wording while arguing. I think the most important lesson is one that Anya learns and this to listen. There is a reactionary moment regarding Cal’s opinion on their lifestyle, but Anya has been judging Cal along. I find her growth as a person really indicates how much people have to change to engage in a poly relationship. Love is not really the answer, it might get through some tough times, but there has to be more.
This Is Not The End does have some fun scenes too, it is not all talk (laugh). There is laughter, music, and family. Sidney Bell provides everything that is hard and great about poly life and I loved it.
I received an ARC of this book and I am writing a review without prejudice and voluntarily.
Read
January 12, 2021This Is Not the End is a beautiful story about unconventional love.
Rather than chapters, the story is split into two parts and an epilogue, each from a different POA. I liked this format. it worked well with the characters and plot.
"...marriage is less about how many people are in it and more about how happy you are."
This Is Not the End is the story of married couple Anya and Zac, and Zac's best friend and bandmate, Cal. Each character has a rich, distinct personality that meshes well with the others despite how different they each are.
Anya and Zac are both strong personalities and have great communication in their relationship. I enjoyed the insight into their marriage and family life. They take something as typical and conventional as marriage and a baby, and make it into something entirely unique to fit who they are.
Zac and Cal are polar opposites: Zac wears his heart on his sleeve, and Cal keeps his emotions locked up. They pair well as a rock duo and as friends for decades. The introduction of Anya (something that occurs well before this story begins) adds more depth to Zac and Cal's relationship, in a way. Certainly, Cal sees Zac in a new light; he's no longer the raucous rock star, bedding different partners every night...or so Cal believes.
Cal's discomfort with Anya and Zac's "arrangement" (for lack of a better word) is the center of the conflict. Out of the three, he is my favorite. He can be broody and judgmental, but I think that comes down to his lack of confidence in himself. There's lots of turmoil in Cal, and I was surprised by his secret-to-Anya life.
There's some angst and more than a few come-to-Jesus moments that, combined with the passion and love the three have for each other, make for a delightful read. And I cannot end this review without including one of my favorite quotes:
"Stop trying to make love to me, you nerd."
***Big thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.***
Rather than chapters, the story is split into two parts and an epilogue, each from a different POA. I liked this format. it worked well with the characters and plot.
"...marriage is less about how many people are in it and more about how happy you are."
This Is Not the End is the story of married couple Anya and Zac, and Zac's best friend and bandmate, Cal. Each character has a rich, distinct personality that meshes well with the others despite how different they each are.
Anya and Zac are both strong personalities and have great communication in their relationship. I enjoyed the insight into their marriage and family life. They take something as typical and conventional as marriage and a baby, and make it into something entirely unique to fit who they are.
Zac and Cal are polar opposites: Zac wears his heart on his sleeve, and Cal keeps his emotions locked up. They pair well as a rock duo and as friends for decades. The introduction of Anya (something that occurs well before this story begins) adds more depth to Zac and Cal's relationship, in a way. Certainly, Cal sees Zac in a new light; he's no longer the raucous rock star, bedding different partners every night...or so Cal believes.
Cal's discomfort with Anya and Zac's "arrangement" (for lack of a better word) is the center of the conflict. Out of the three, he is my favorite. He can be broody and judgmental, but I think that comes down to his lack of confidence in himself. There's lots of turmoil in Cal, and I was surprised by his secret-to-Anya life.
There's some angst and more than a few come-to-Jesus moments that, combined with the passion and love the three have for each other, make for a delightful read. And I cannot end this review without including one of my favorite quotes:
"Stop trying to make love to me, you nerd."
***Big thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.***
January 8, 2021
The first thing that struck me about this book, an entire four pages in, was just how exquisitely new to me author Sidney Bell writes. I immediately felt like I knew the characters. Not just what they were thinking, but who they were. And that sentiment grew with every page.
The story centers around married couple Zac Trevor and Anya Alexander, and Zac's bandmate Cal Keller. Bell explores the intimacies shared in friendship, parenthood, the bonds of marriage and polyamory. Bell's focus is on character development as the definition of their relationships grow. While we get a good sense of both Zac and Anya, it's Cal's backstory that really shines and allows these three individuals to become one.
The early pages, the ones that hooked me, stared Zac and Anya, as we are dropped into a conversation between them. It's one that sets the tone for all that is to come over the immediate weeks that follow. They are refreshingly and completely open and honest with each other. They have to be to be who they are. And as Anya wonders why, despite twenty years of friendship and both men being bi-sexual, Zac and Cal have never been together. The reason becomes apparent as Zac and Anya ruminate on the possibilities of the three of them. The story quickly focuses on Cal. If we aren't in his head, we are observing the three of them dance around each other. He is a complicated man, a true tortured soul. Mired in past mistakes, he fights addiction and abandonment issues and is conflicted over new and old feelings that he harbors for the Trevor/Alexander's.
While I wasn't unfamiliar with the trope, it's not one I've not read very often. If they were all written as this one is, I would definitely read more. I just found so much joy in this story. It's heartfelt and incredibly HOT, a celebration of love in his purest form. Again, in all aspects, Bells storytelling is outstanding. This is a not to miss love story that will leave you giddy and breathless, especially breathless.
*I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*
The story centers around married couple Zac Trevor and Anya Alexander, and Zac's bandmate Cal Keller. Bell explores the intimacies shared in friendship, parenthood, the bonds of marriage and polyamory. Bell's focus is on character development as the definition of their relationships grow. While we get a good sense of both Zac and Anya, it's Cal's backstory that really shines and allows these three individuals to become one.
The early pages, the ones that hooked me, stared Zac and Anya, as we are dropped into a conversation between them. It's one that sets the tone for all that is to come over the immediate weeks that follow. They are refreshingly and completely open and honest with each other. They have to be to be who they are. And as Anya wonders why, despite twenty years of friendship and both men being bi-sexual, Zac and Cal have never been together. The reason becomes apparent as Zac and Anya ruminate on the possibilities of the three of them. The story quickly focuses on Cal. If we aren't in his head, we are observing the three of them dance around each other. He is a complicated man, a true tortured soul. Mired in past mistakes, he fights addiction and abandonment issues and is conflicted over new and old feelings that he harbors for the Trevor/Alexander's.
While I wasn't unfamiliar with the trope, it's not one I've not read very often. If they were all written as this one is, I would definitely read more. I just found so much joy in this story. It's heartfelt and incredibly HOT, a celebration of love in his purest form. Again, in all aspects, Bells storytelling is outstanding. This is a not to miss love story that will leave you giddy and breathless, especially breathless.
*I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review*
January 23, 2021
I loved this book...loved it. I am actually thinking of straightaway reading it again. It has the right balance of sexiness, sweetness and angst. The characters are not caricatures and we don’t fall in the obvious miscommunication problem (or at least not annoyingly).
April 23, 2021
Un ménage diferente.
Por norma, se conocen, caen rendidos a la lujuria, rápidamente desarrollan profundos sentimientos y viven felices comiendo perdices con toda la sociedad aceptando su situación y rendida a sus pies....!
En este libro no es así, es bastante más intimista, aunque me resultó poco intenso, quizás porque la primera parte es desde el punto de vista de ella que es bastante banal, pero la segunda mitad se redime y me gustó cómo desarrolló la historia.
Por norma, se conocen, caen rendidos a la lujuria, rápidamente desarrollan profundos sentimientos y viven felices comiendo perdices con toda la sociedad aceptando su situación y rendida a sus pies....!
En este libro no es así, es bastante más intimista, aunque me resultó poco intenso, quizás porque la primera parte es desde el punto de vista de ella que es bastante banal, pero la segunda mitad se redime y me gustó cómo desarrolló la historia.
March 24, 2021
4.5 Stars
Zac Trevor and Cal Keller are bandmates, and the longest relationship/friendship either man has had in his adult life. Zac is an avowed hedonist and has indulged in much and frequent sex with many many partners over the years. Cal is his opposite, keeping himself in check and sober is a huge part of his life--ever since he lost control and nearly injured a family member about 8 years back.
Zac is married to Anya Alexander, a former model turned photographer. Anya is a keen observer of humanity, and also a sexually-liberated woman. Zac is in favor, enjoying sharing Anya with sexy men they each find attractive. It's interesting that Zac is completely mum on the attractiveness of Cal, because he's a very sexy man, in her opinion. Even if he's standoffish, and she thinks Cal resents her. It becomes a mission to learn more about Cal, now that she's home more and can explore building a friendship--or more--with Cal.
Zac and Anya have a young son, PJ, and Cal thought being married and a father would settle Zac. But he's absolutely stunned to learn about the kinky hijinks Zac and Anya entertain. Once Anya makes it clear that she would be more than willing to engage in some sexytimes with Cal, while Zac watches. Because Zac very much likes to watch. And Cal's even more stunned to learn that Zac has had fantasies of this very act--and more--with Cal in the bed with them. It's so unsettling that Cal's sobriety is threatened, and this becomes a turning point in the relationship between Cal and Zac, that Zac can finally confess he's seen the rigid manner of Cal and knows his sobriety is an issue.
This book is told in three parts, no chapters. Anya tells the beginning, how she initiates this journey and guides Zac and Cal to confess their secrets and needs. Then Cal picks up the story, giving us the inside look into his fiercely private struggles. He has loved Zac for more than a decade, but he kinda loves Anya, too. And, he's a little jealous of their idyllic life, with a sweet son and a house that seems to be filled with love. And it is, but a different take on love than Cal had imagined. He's not sure if he is welcome to be a full member of the family, or a temporary lover like all the others before him. Because that's his secret-est desire of all--to truly belong in a family, and one that includes Zac is the biggest bonus. Zac wraps up the story, which brings in the largest of vulnerabilities: Zac and Cal being intimate with one another. And, the full acceptance of their blended family by each of them. I liked how this turned out, with firm reassurances that they are committed to each other and to their poly-family.
I loved the straight-talk. I loved the sexytimes. I loved that Cal was well-hung and well-heeled. I loved that Anya and Zac were so open with each other, and how they got Cal to open up, too. For a manage, this one was centered on personalities and relationships, and not sex. Definitely recommend for people who like menage, or MMF stories.
Zac Trevor and Cal Keller are bandmates, and the longest relationship/friendship either man has had in his adult life. Zac is an avowed hedonist and has indulged in much and frequent sex with many many partners over the years. Cal is his opposite, keeping himself in check and sober is a huge part of his life--ever since he lost control and nearly injured a family member about 8 years back.
Zac is married to Anya Alexander, a former model turned photographer. Anya is a keen observer of humanity, and also a sexually-liberated woman. Zac is in favor, enjoying sharing Anya with sexy men they each find attractive. It's interesting that Zac is completely mum on the attractiveness of Cal, because he's a very sexy man, in her opinion. Even if he's standoffish, and she thinks Cal resents her. It becomes a mission to learn more about Cal, now that she's home more and can explore building a friendship--or more--with Cal.
Zac and Anya have a young son, PJ, and Cal thought being married and a father would settle Zac. But he's absolutely stunned to learn about the kinky hijinks Zac and Anya entertain. Once Anya makes it clear that she would be more than willing to engage in some sexytimes with Cal, while Zac watches. Because Zac very much likes to watch. And Cal's even more stunned to learn that Zac has had fantasies of this very act--and more--with Cal in the bed with them. It's so unsettling that Cal's sobriety is threatened, and this becomes a turning point in the relationship between Cal and Zac, that Zac can finally confess he's seen the rigid manner of Cal and knows his sobriety is an issue.
This book is told in three parts, no chapters. Anya tells the beginning, how she initiates this journey and guides Zac and Cal to confess their secrets and needs. Then Cal picks up the story, giving us the inside look into his fiercely private struggles. He has loved Zac for more than a decade, but he kinda loves Anya, too. And, he's a little jealous of their idyllic life, with a sweet son and a house that seems to be filled with love. And it is, but a different take on love than Cal had imagined. He's not sure if he is welcome to be a full member of the family, or a temporary lover like all the others before him. Because that's his secret-est desire of all--to truly belong in a family, and one that includes Zac is the biggest bonus. Zac wraps up the story, which brings in the largest of vulnerabilities: Zac and Cal being intimate with one another. And, the full acceptance of their blended family by each of them. I liked how this turned out, with firm reassurances that they are committed to each other and to their poly-family.
I loved the straight-talk. I loved the sexytimes. I loved that Cal was well-hung and well-heeled. I loved that Anya and Zac were so open with each other, and how they got Cal to open up, too. For a manage, this one was centered on personalities and relationships, and not sex. Definitely recommend for people who like menage, or MMF stories.
December 28, 2020
~~I received a free copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads ~~
As I started this book, I was a little surprised at the somewhat fiery relationship that Zac and Anya seemed to have - but it soon evened out to be normal, and I completely loved how they behaved together. Understanding their lifestyle, their past and the pressures that they inevitably faced in the outside world made all the difference in the world.
Zac’s bandmate and very best friend, Cal, has had a strained relationship with Anya. After all, until she met Zac, they were always together. And now they also have a son PJ (wait until you find out what that stands for!) I love how we grow to understand the quiet way Cal lives, and why. I loved learning how things could change in the future, if only he can see his way to it - and how they have every intention of supporting him. It is such a great way of bringing us to the point that we can see how the dynamics of a possible trio could be. Getting the buy in from Cal, the levelling of all three of them so that they are all equal in the relationship is important to me, and works really well here.
I really really enjoyed this book, and will definitely be reading more by this talented author.
As I started this book, I was a little surprised at the somewhat fiery relationship that Zac and Anya seemed to have - but it soon evened out to be normal, and I completely loved how they behaved together. Understanding their lifestyle, their past and the pressures that they inevitably faced in the outside world made all the difference in the world.
Zac’s bandmate and very best friend, Cal, has had a strained relationship with Anya. After all, until she met Zac, they were always together. And now they also have a son PJ (wait until you find out what that stands for!) I love how we grow to understand the quiet way Cal lives, and why. I loved learning how things could change in the future, if only he can see his way to it - and how they have every intention of supporting him. It is such a great way of bringing us to the point that we can see how the dynamics of a possible trio could be. Getting the buy in from Cal, the levelling of all three of them so that they are all equal in the relationship is important to me, and works really well here.
I really really enjoyed this book, and will definitely be reading more by this talented author.
January 9, 2021
I was given a copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads.
This is a beautiful and insanely sexy poly romance. On the surface, Zac and Anya are a slightly cliche rock star/model couple that I really wanted to hate. But they’re wonderful. Slightly wild, highly entertaining and the best of friends, Zac and Anya are total relationship goals. But their marriage altered Zac’s relationship with Cal, his best friend and bandmate. This is the story of Zac, Anya and Cal working to repair the rift between Cal and Zac while finding a place for each of them in a new relationship.
Even though this book is sexy enough to tip into erotica at points, it is very definitely a polyamourous love story, not m/m/f menage erotica. All three characters are complex and beautifully human. Cal and Zac shared their music and their lives long before Zac met Anya, and the connection between the two men is electric. Anya is strong and confident - and she’s the one who helps both men open their mind to new possibilities.
It was Cal who stole my heart in this story. His past is dark, his demons are strong and he struggles to love himself. Zac and Anya fight to convince Cal he’s worth loving, that he deserves a family and a home. And this is a book about consciously building a family and a home.
I really loved this book. The characters are wonderful, the writing is excellent and the relationship that grows between Zac, Cal and Anya is beautiful.
This is a beautiful and insanely sexy poly romance. On the surface, Zac and Anya are a slightly cliche rock star/model couple that I really wanted to hate. But they’re wonderful. Slightly wild, highly entertaining and the best of friends, Zac and Anya are total relationship goals. But their marriage altered Zac’s relationship with Cal, his best friend and bandmate. This is the story of Zac, Anya and Cal working to repair the rift between Cal and Zac while finding a place for each of them in a new relationship.
Even though this book is sexy enough to tip into erotica at points, it is very definitely a polyamourous love story, not m/m/f menage erotica. All three characters are complex and beautifully human. Cal and Zac shared their music and their lives long before Zac met Anya, and the connection between the two men is electric. Anya is strong and confident - and she’s the one who helps both men open their mind to new possibilities.
It was Cal who stole my heart in this story. His past is dark, his demons are strong and he struggles to love himself. Zac and Anya fight to convince Cal he’s worth loving, that he deserves a family and a home. And this is a book about consciously building a family and a home.
I really loved this book. The characters are wonderful, the writing is excellent and the relationship that grows between Zac, Cal and Anya is beautiful.
January 13, 2021
I love this book! It's not just a menage book, it goes into polyamorous long term relationship/marriage, so if that's not your thing, you might want to skip it.
I liked how they were - mostly - mature enough to talk about issues and above all, respectful of each other's feelings. It helps that these characters have a history (at least the two guys). I did, however, have to check if this is a book number 2 in the series, because of how Zac and Anya's story was told in snippets. There are some longer scenes from the past, but still, I would have loved to read the first book. Alas, there appears not to be one (author's website says this is a standalone).
I took a star off because this book is written in present tense and I loathe that. It is a sign of how good the writing is that I was able to push past that and finish it and enjoy it.
I liked how they were - mostly - mature enough to talk about issues and above all, respectful of each other's feelings. It helps that these characters have a history (at least the two guys). I did, however, have to check if this is a book number 2 in the series, because of how Zac and Anya's story was told in snippets. There are some longer scenes from the past, but still, I would have loved to read the first book. Alas, there appears not to be one (author's website says this is a standalone).
I took a star off because this book is written in present tense and I loathe that. It is a sign of how good the writing is that I was able to push past that and finish it and enjoy it.
December 10, 2020
This Is Not The End is a playful and emotional story about messy people and love. Forthright, exceptionally loving former model Anya is a perfect complement to
her recklesss, impulsive rockstar husband Zac. When she sees him wanting something he hasn't even let himself think about—his sweet, kind, dependable (boring) best friend, Cal—she sets out to make it happen. What she doesn't expect is to find herself falling too as she discovers just how not boring he is. Or the obstacles they'll need to overcome.
This five star read will keep you up all night devouring page after page of intense feelings, hot sex as you fall in love with three people who belong together.
her recklesss, impulsive rockstar husband Zac. When she sees him wanting something he hasn't even let himself think about—his sweet, kind, dependable (boring) best friend, Cal—she sets out to make it happen. What she doesn't expect is to find herself falling too as she discovers just how not boring he is. Or the obstacles they'll need to overcome.
This five star read will keep you up all night devouring page after page of intense feelings, hot sex as you fall in love with three people who belong together.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews