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I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To
An inspiring, hilarious memoir about learning to resist the pressures of conformity, love yourself for who you are, embrace your flaws, and unlock your true potential.
Winner of the African American Literary Award for Memoir!
Now cohost of Fox's The Real and SiriusXM's Café Mocha, Loni Love hasn't taken the typical path to becoming America's favorite straight-talking girlfriend and comedian. She was not the child of Hollywood legends and she never wore a size 00. Rather, she grew up in housing projects in Detroit, more worried about affording her next meal than going on a diet. When she moved to Hollywood after graduating college with an engineering degree, seeking to break out in the entertainment world, there was nothing that would convince her to eat the kale salads and quinoa bowls that her colleagues introduced her to, which looked to Love like "weeds my grandma used to pay me a dollar to pull from her yard."
Still, despite the differences that set her apart in the status-driven world of entertainment where being thin, young, blond, and bubbly is sometimes considered a talent, Love spent years trying to fit in—trying to style her hair just so, dieting, dating the men she thought she was supposed to be with. In this book, she tells the uproariously funny story of how she overcame the trap of self-improvement and instead learned to embrace who she was. As Love writes, "There's a saying a lot of people live by: 'Fake it till you make it.' For me, it's always been 'fake it, and then have the whole thing blow up in your face.'" I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To explores all of the embarrassing mistakes, terrifying challenges, and unexpected breakthroughs that taught her how, by committing ourselves to our own path, we can take control of our destiny.
Winner of the African American Literary Award for Memoir!
Now cohost of Fox's The Real and SiriusXM's Café Mocha, Loni Love hasn't taken the typical path to becoming America's favorite straight-talking girlfriend and comedian. She was not the child of Hollywood legends and she never wore a size 00. Rather, she grew up in housing projects in Detroit, more worried about affording her next meal than going on a diet. When she moved to Hollywood after graduating college with an engineering degree, seeking to break out in the entertainment world, there was nothing that would convince her to eat the kale salads and quinoa bowls that her colleagues introduced her to, which looked to Love like "weeds my grandma used to pay me a dollar to pull from her yard."
Still, despite the differences that set her apart in the status-driven world of entertainment where being thin, young, blond, and bubbly is sometimes considered a talent, Love spent years trying to fit in—trying to style her hair just so, dieting, dating the men she thought she was supposed to be with. In this book, she tells the uproariously funny story of how she overcame the trap of self-improvement and instead learned to embrace who she was. As Love writes, "There's a saying a lot of people live by: 'Fake it till you make it.' For me, it's always been 'fake it, and then have the whole thing blow up in your face.'" I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To explores all of the embarrassing mistakes, terrifying challenges, and unexpected breakthroughs that taught her how, by committing ourselves to our own path, we can take control of our destiny.
247 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2020
63 people are currently reading
1172 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 141 reviews
July 21, 2020
This was really great and really honest and totally hilarious. I love how she explores race, class, gender issues in her own way. Highly recommend.
January 28, 2021
I’ve never seen The Real - daytime tv isn’t my thing - but I LOVED Loni when she was on the Chelsea Lately “Round Table” years ago. I miss that show! Loni, real name Yolanda Gill, came up in a turbulent home in Detroit’s Brewster-Douglas projects. Working hard and overcoming many challenges, she ultimately landed in California, pursuing her life-long desire to make others laugh. Loved her hilarious how-to type lists. A fun read!
July 20, 2020
Now that was an inspiring and flat out funny memoir. I glad I just happened to pick this up at the library.
September 11, 2022
I always thought that Loni love was hilarious and this book is no exception! The personal stories that she shared growing up in the projects in Detroit was very inspiring. There was so many highlights to this book but her tips at the end of each chapter had me bursting out laughing!
I enjoyed learning about her childhood,triumphs and heartbreak. I gained a lot of respect for her after she shared her story in such a witty and transparent way.
Definitely will recommend reading this if you want a light hearted read with humor!
I enjoyed learning about her childhood,triumphs and heartbreak. I gained a lot of respect for her after she shared her story in such a witty and transparent way.
Definitely will recommend reading this if you want a light hearted read with humor!
October 28, 2020
Could not put this down.
So much respect for Loni <3
*Read via Overdrive app*
So much respect for Loni <3
*Read via Overdrive app*
May 26, 2020
I was able to read an advance reader copy of this book from Netgalley. It will be released on June 23, 2020. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this memoir. Loni Love is a great storyteller and I’ve always enjoyed following her. In this book, Loni talks about her life growing up in the projects in Detroit, her becoming homeless when she was barely an adult, and then her college experience. Loni overcame a ton of obstacles in her life, but, she was still aiming for something greater. Sure, becoming an engineer, graduating college, and obtaining a great job with benefits were all accomplishments but Loni wanted more. Her courageousness to quit her job to fully invest In her passion of comedy was inspiring. I found this to be an easy read that was lighthearted and at times funny but it offered a good amount of wisdom and life lessons. I would actually read this book more than once. Very good read!
March 30, 2024
This is the first biography that had me cracking up laughing. I relate so much to her story about growing up in the 80s and 90s. I appreciate the little life lessons presented by her experiences. Round of applause 👏 for good storytelling.
October 16, 2020
I first noticed comedian Loni Love during her appearances/commentaries on the, “I Love the (insert 80s, 90s, etc)” programs on VH1 in the early 2000s. You know the ones – unless you are too young and just aged me. I thought Loni had charisma, a warm energy and was bluntly: hilarious as hell with her comedic timing. Nowadays, Loni is best known as one of the hosts on the Emmy-winning daytime talk show, “The Real” and as a co-host on the podcast, “Café Mocha”. Love, who spent much of her life not exposing her entire psyche to others; puts it all on the table in the her memoir, “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to: True Life Lessons”.
Love prefaces her own text with a fair warning that although the life events that fill the ensuing pages are authentic; as a comedian, she has taken the liberty to exaggerate or joke for sensationalism, change names to protect the innocent and create composite characters/timelines. Respect is handed to Love as quite a few celebrities do this without giving it a second thought but never reveal the honest veil in their own memoirs.
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is stylized in a chronological format starting with Love’s early childhood but focuses more on important events rather than a run-of-the-mill autobiography (hence the ‘life lessons’). Love’s voice jumps from the pages immediately with her knack for storytelling and organic ability to connect with the reader. Love simply doesn’t even need to have to ‘try’ to be ‘real’ – readers feel like they are conversing with a best friend. Not to mention, if a reader has their first laugh-out-loud moment as soon as page four; then “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” must be good.
To drive this point further, Love doesn’t concentrate on being funny and her prose is intelligent with a delicious narrative: the comedic effects come naturally. This is a refreshing contrast to typical celebrity memoirs; allowing reader to bond with Love and learn her life story/background rather than just be entertained. Love successfully accomplishes this without an elitist attitude or talking down to readers. I live in Hollywood and Los Angeles has a very ‘Us versus Them’ –mentality with most celebrities thinking us regular folk are dirt. Loni Love is NOT one of those celebrities.
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is incredibly well-written, smooth and cohesive in its arc. Love knows the secret formula on how long she should dwell on a single topic and never bores the reader or goes off on tangents; but also knows the precise moment to move it along like a perfect fictional piece. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is compelling and certainly a page-turner while being accessible with a friendly tone.
Now, for all readers hooked on celebrity memoirs but sick to death of the sex, drugs and rehab stories paired with the name-dropping of fellow famous stars; topped off with a ‘woe is me’-attitude screaming, “Privilege!”… Then thank your deity of choice because you will NOT find that in Love’s text. I’m sure Love has plenty of juicy tea to spill; but she keeps it classy and knows that those stories do not validate who she is and neither do they have a place in her memoir. Well done, Loni Love!
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” maintains its vibrant energy throughout; never feeling repetitive or dragged out just to fulfill a page count. Either Love has an amazing editor or she is a stupendous writer (probably a mixture of both).
The only time Love addresses gossip is a quick blurb regarding the media debacle behind the hasty departure of a co-host on “The Real” is 2016 which Love was (falsely) pinned as the blame. Love mentions the subsequent dark period of fans lashing out and making death threats to her person. Even in this chapter, Love remains steadfast in her professional attitude and neither bad talks others or overly defends her perspective. Love has an admirable spirit that is genuine, raw, nuanced and filled with emotional maturity.
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” closes with a brief look at how Love found love (no pun intended) with her current partner, James. Love did not have to share such personal information (I personally wanted more of this but I am admittedly nosy!); but her choice was positive as it is the perfect finality to the memoir and ended on a memorable note alongside a quick one-on-one pep talk with readers. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is strong from beginning to end.
Love supplements the text with a small section of black-and-white photo color plates.
Loni Love is a well-rounded, amazing woman who truly worked her ass off and rose from the poverty of Detroit to get to where she is. Nothing was handed to her and “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” addresses these rooted psychological effected and yet flows with compassion for others. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is a quick (two-day) read that entertains and counsels readers in a loving manner. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is recommended for all fans of Loni Love and/or celebrity memoirs.
Love prefaces her own text with a fair warning that although the life events that fill the ensuing pages are authentic; as a comedian, she has taken the liberty to exaggerate or joke for sensationalism, change names to protect the innocent and create composite characters/timelines. Respect is handed to Love as quite a few celebrities do this without giving it a second thought but never reveal the honest veil in their own memoirs.
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is stylized in a chronological format starting with Love’s early childhood but focuses more on important events rather than a run-of-the-mill autobiography (hence the ‘life lessons’). Love’s voice jumps from the pages immediately with her knack for storytelling and organic ability to connect with the reader. Love simply doesn’t even need to have to ‘try’ to be ‘real’ – readers feel like they are conversing with a best friend. Not to mention, if a reader has their first laugh-out-loud moment as soon as page four; then “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” must be good.
To drive this point further, Love doesn’t concentrate on being funny and her prose is intelligent with a delicious narrative: the comedic effects come naturally. This is a refreshing contrast to typical celebrity memoirs; allowing reader to bond with Love and learn her life story/background rather than just be entertained. Love successfully accomplishes this without an elitist attitude or talking down to readers. I live in Hollywood and Los Angeles has a very ‘Us versus Them’ –mentality with most celebrities thinking us regular folk are dirt. Loni Love is NOT one of those celebrities.
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is incredibly well-written, smooth and cohesive in its arc. Love knows the secret formula on how long she should dwell on a single topic and never bores the reader or goes off on tangents; but also knows the precise moment to move it along like a perfect fictional piece. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is compelling and certainly a page-turner while being accessible with a friendly tone.
Now, for all readers hooked on celebrity memoirs but sick to death of the sex, drugs and rehab stories paired with the name-dropping of fellow famous stars; topped off with a ‘woe is me’-attitude screaming, “Privilege!”… Then thank your deity of choice because you will NOT find that in Love’s text. I’m sure Love has plenty of juicy tea to spill; but she keeps it classy and knows that those stories do not validate who she is and neither do they have a place in her memoir. Well done, Loni Love!
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” maintains its vibrant energy throughout; never feeling repetitive or dragged out just to fulfill a page count. Either Love has an amazing editor or she is a stupendous writer (probably a mixture of both).
The only time Love addresses gossip is a quick blurb regarding the media debacle behind the hasty departure of a co-host on “The Real” is 2016 which Love was (falsely) pinned as the blame. Love mentions the subsequent dark period of fans lashing out and making death threats to her person. Even in this chapter, Love remains steadfast in her professional attitude and neither bad talks others or overly defends her perspective. Love has an admirable spirit that is genuine, raw, nuanced and filled with emotional maturity.
“I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” closes with a brief look at how Love found love (no pun intended) with her current partner, James. Love did not have to share such personal information (I personally wanted more of this but I am admittedly nosy!); but her choice was positive as it is the perfect finality to the memoir and ended on a memorable note alongside a quick one-on-one pep talk with readers. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is strong from beginning to end.
Love supplements the text with a small section of black-and-white photo color plates.
Loni Love is a well-rounded, amazing woman who truly worked her ass off and rose from the poverty of Detroit to get to where she is. Nothing was handed to her and “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” addresses these rooted psychological effected and yet flows with compassion for others. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is a quick (two-day) read that entertains and counsels readers in a loving manner. “I Tried to Change so you Don’t Have to” is recommended for all fans of Loni Love and/or celebrity memoirs.
August 30, 2023
I wish she had a few more chapters about her time on The Real plus more of her childhood.
July 25, 2020
Being that Love herself says at the beginning that there are some embellishments and some outright made up stuff, since she is a comedienne, after all, it's hard to know what is an exact account and what isn't. But that's not really the point... the overall tone rings with truth, and while the exact details of a narrative may not be reality, the fact is, it's based in truth, just by the very feeling. The homelessness, the not fitting in, the realities of "the hood," or office cubicle life, or trying to get ahead in Hollywood.... we've heard these types of stories before, so we know the basis of reality.
Love uses wit and charm to describe some everyday life, and some not-so-everyday for the rest of us (having never been to Hollywood, I have to take her word for it). She tackles banal and serious subjects alike, and brings her own humor and seriousness to both.
I hadn't heard of her until this year, I confess, and only picked this up because I have been trying to learn more about some of the racial disparities in our "modern" culture and discovered there was going to be panel discussion from some current black authors on the NAACP website and decided to check out some of their books. Though I can't directly relate to a lot of her experiences, to the human connection and wanting to "fit in" so much that I'm too often willing to try to change myself to accomplish this... to that I most certainly CAN relate!
I wouldn't call this a "must-read" but it's certainly worth your time should you choose to pick it up. It's also a quick read, and kind of a nice "get away" from watching the news, even while addressing relevant topics.
Love uses wit and charm to describe some everyday life, and some not-so-everyday for the rest of us (having never been to Hollywood, I have to take her word for it). She tackles banal and serious subjects alike, and brings her own humor and seriousness to both.
I hadn't heard of her until this year, I confess, and only picked this up because I have been trying to learn more about some of the racial disparities in our "modern" culture and discovered there was going to be panel discussion from some current black authors on the NAACP website and decided to check out some of their books. Though I can't directly relate to a lot of her experiences, to the human connection and wanting to "fit in" so much that I'm too often willing to try to change myself to accomplish this... to that I most certainly CAN relate!
I wouldn't call this a "must-read" but it's certainly worth your time should you choose to pick it up. It's also a quick read, and kind of a nice "get away" from watching the news, even while addressing relevant topics.
November 25, 2020
This is the best memoir I've read yet. I laughed. I cried. Seriously, I shed actual tears and people who know me know I do not cry. The way Loni wrote about herself and her experiences and all of her growth, I felt that in my soul. (Also. I have a soft spot for nerds). She's been one of my favorite people for a very long time and this book has cemented her place. This I will 100% read over and over and over again.
August 26, 2020
Loved it! Loni tells the story of her life as she walks the readers through her difficult childhood, life in corporate America and her rise as a comedian. She inserts life hacks in between each chapter that are hilarious too. I highly recommend if you’re the fan of a unlikely success stories and like to laugh.
April 3, 2020
In a new inspiring memoir, titled I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To, Loni Love stops trying to conform, embraces her flaws and tunes into her potential. Despite her last name, Loni grew up in a not-so-loving home. Without giving away her entire life's story, she went from growing up in the Brewster-Douglass Housing Projects to earning an engineering degree then making it in show biz. It was not an easy journey.
Loni Love has worn many hats and crossed many paths in her young lifetime. She has been places and experienced more than most people ever would. This fact makes the book cover so perfect! Most importantly, Loni Love stayed true to herself through all phases of her life. It is indeed admirable. I appreciate her straight-talk, the funny lists at the end of every chapter and her sharing embarrassing mistakes, accomplishments and necessary changes.
I am a daily viewer of The Real where Loni Love is one of five co-hosts (all women of color). Her point of view is always appreciated and well spoken. However, I do not find her hilarious. Every now and then she delivers a funny one-liner. And her bits about cubicle life, that one black person in the office and a hard-knock life was chuckle-worthy. But I expected more LOL moments from a comedian.
When reading a memoir, I keep in mind that all things are not as it seems. Truth may be embellished. Situations may be lightened up. The line between fact and fiction might blur. Hence why I read all memoirs with a side-eye. I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To was no exception. My eyes rolled every time Loni Love mentioned the projects where she grew up on the east side of Detroit. "Brewster-Douglass" was mentioned over 60 times. This is no exaggeration; I started to count. Also, I find it very hard to believe that Loni Love graduated from Cass Tech High School, one of thee best public high schools PERIODT, but never once met with a college counselor. She goes so far as to question whether the school even had one. I call bullshit.
But there are other sections where Loni Love talks about relationships, a career and opening up to change that resonate with me. For example, numerous people have suggested that I throw deal-breakers out the window and try online dating. I shoo those ideas away every time. But there was something about the way she words her own story of finding love that made me think hmmm, maybe I should approach dating differently.
Overall, Loni Love meets her purpose of providing readers with life lessons. Reminding us to be true to self and not conform to society's definitions. We control our own destiny. I may have issues with some content of the book but it does not negate her success, drive and spirit. I recommend it for every woman of color needing some real talk.
Happy Early Pub Day, Loni Love! I Tried To Change So You Don't Have To will be available Tuesday, May 5.
LiteraryMarie
Loni Love has worn many hats and crossed many paths in her young lifetime. She has been places and experienced more than most people ever would. This fact makes the book cover so perfect! Most importantly, Loni Love stayed true to herself through all phases of her life. It is indeed admirable. I appreciate her straight-talk, the funny lists at the end of every chapter and her sharing embarrassing mistakes, accomplishments and necessary changes.
I am a daily viewer of The Real where Loni Love is one of five co-hosts (all women of color). Her point of view is always appreciated and well spoken. However, I do not find her hilarious. Every now and then she delivers a funny one-liner. And her bits about cubicle life, that one black person in the office and a hard-knock life was chuckle-worthy. But I expected more LOL moments from a comedian.
When reading a memoir, I keep in mind that all things are not as it seems. Truth may be embellished. Situations may be lightened up. The line between fact and fiction might blur. Hence why I read all memoirs with a side-eye. I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To was no exception. My eyes rolled every time Loni Love mentioned the projects where she grew up on the east side of Detroit. "Brewster-Douglass" was mentioned over 60 times. This is no exaggeration; I started to count. Also, I find it very hard to believe that Loni Love graduated from Cass Tech High School, one of thee best public high schools PERIODT, but never once met with a college counselor. She goes so far as to question whether the school even had one. I call bullshit.
But there are other sections where Loni Love talks about relationships, a career and opening up to change that resonate with me. For example, numerous people have suggested that I throw deal-breakers out the window and try online dating. I shoo those ideas away every time. But there was something about the way she words her own story of finding love that made me think hmmm, maybe I should approach dating differently.
Overall, Loni Love meets her purpose of providing readers with life lessons. Reminding us to be true to self and not conform to society's definitions. We control our own destiny. I may have issues with some content of the book but it does not negate her success, drive and spirit. I recommend it for every woman of color needing some real talk.
Happy Early Pub Day, Loni Love! I Tried To Change So You Don't Have To will be available Tuesday, May 5.
LiteraryMarie
November 15, 2020
Treat yourself this #NonFictionNovember to some quality advice from a hilarious voice who’s been to hell and back (and she’s not afraid to tell you about it!)
Loni Love knows how to keep it real – after all, that’s what she does for a living! Love is a stand-up comedian, actress, author, and presenter, probably best known as the Emmy Award-winning co-host of The Real. She found her fame a little later in life, after paving the pavement for decades and getting doors shut in her face. Whether it was because of her Gender, Race, plus-sized body or unique attitude, it took Love longer than many of her contemporaries to find the A-level fame she has now. So how did a big-boned girl from the projects of Detroit go from sleeping in her car to working in a car factory, to working as an electrical engineer to working the Emmy Award stage? Well, jump into this book to find out.
I Tried to Change So You Don’t Have To is, arguably, not a comprehensive memoir of Love’s life. Rather, this book is a tight collection of her Greatest Hits – A series of moments in her life that ultimately ended up shaping the woman she grew up to be. Love’s written voice is as brassy, cutting, and casual as her presentational style. The stories within are similarly presented the way a good stand-up routine would be – with just enough fact, a little pizzazz, and a tight deadline to get the punch line in.
But that doesn’t mean that Love shies away from the hard stuff. In fact, if you’re looking for a celebrity tell-all or a hilarious collection of snafus, you’re not looking at the right text. The narrative style is funny, but the recollections are of the hardest moments that can shape a person. As a reader (and reviewer) I think it’s worth noting that Love’s lived experience differs greatly from my own. I can’t comment about her experiences as part of this review. But I greatly appreciate how candid and colourful the accounts are. Love’s given us a memoir that feels really her. If that means that we skim the surface in some places, that’s ok.
Thanks to Hachette Go for my gifted copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
Loni Love knows how to keep it real – after all, that’s what she does for a living! Love is a stand-up comedian, actress, author, and presenter, probably best known as the Emmy Award-winning co-host of The Real. She found her fame a little later in life, after paving the pavement for decades and getting doors shut in her face. Whether it was because of her Gender, Race, plus-sized body or unique attitude, it took Love longer than many of her contemporaries to find the A-level fame she has now. So how did a big-boned girl from the projects of Detroit go from sleeping in her car to working in a car factory, to working as an electrical engineer to working the Emmy Award stage? Well, jump into this book to find out.
I Tried to Change So You Don’t Have To is, arguably, not a comprehensive memoir of Love’s life. Rather, this book is a tight collection of her Greatest Hits – A series of moments in her life that ultimately ended up shaping the woman she grew up to be. Love’s written voice is as brassy, cutting, and casual as her presentational style. The stories within are similarly presented the way a good stand-up routine would be – with just enough fact, a little pizzazz, and a tight deadline to get the punch line in.
But that doesn’t mean that Love shies away from the hard stuff. In fact, if you’re looking for a celebrity tell-all or a hilarious collection of snafus, you’re not looking at the right text. The narrative style is funny, but the recollections are of the hardest moments that can shape a person. As a reader (and reviewer) I think it’s worth noting that Love’s lived experience differs greatly from my own. I can’t comment about her experiences as part of this review. But I greatly appreciate how candid and colourful the accounts are. Love’s given us a memoir that feels really her. If that means that we skim the surface in some places, that’s ok.
Thanks to Hachette Go for my gifted copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
June 26, 2020
Wow, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. And we're month *who knows* into quarantine so eliciting a laugh is no easy feat. There are parts of this memoir so funny that I found myself calling up my friends so I could read passages to them. So thank you Miss Loni Love.
What this book did that I didn't expect, however, was to make me cry. I anticipated laughing-Loni is a funny lady. But seeing where she came from and how she made her own success along the way was so incredibly inspiring that it had me looking at my own life, like what are you doing right now to get where you're going. There were moments in this book that made me really sit with myself. For example, she mentions at one point that so often the things we want to change in ourselves are really just our response to others' criticism of us, and that really hit me hard, because isn't it the dang truth. Each chapter walking through a time in her life really gave a complete story, and I feel like she expertly answered every question I had along the way with heart and honesty. Truly, one of the best memoirs I've read and an instant favorite that I know I will be returning to again and again. I loved it so much I had to immediately go out and buy my own copy, which is now heavily tabbed and already well-loved. This book came just at a time I really needed it, and I couldn't possibly love it anymore (especially the whole wig bit...had me ROLLING!)
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
What this book did that I didn't expect, however, was to make me cry. I anticipated laughing-Loni is a funny lady. But seeing where she came from and how she made her own success along the way was so incredibly inspiring that it had me looking at my own life, like what are you doing right now to get where you're going. There were moments in this book that made me really sit with myself. For example, she mentions at one point that so often the things we want to change in ourselves are really just our response to others' criticism of us, and that really hit me hard, because isn't it the dang truth. Each chapter walking through a time in her life really gave a complete story, and I feel like she expertly answered every question I had along the way with heart and honesty. Truly, one of the best memoirs I've read and an instant favorite that I know I will be returning to again and again. I loved it so much I had to immediately go out and buy my own copy, which is now heavily tabbed and already well-loved. This book came just at a time I really needed it, and I couldn't possibly love it anymore (especially the whole wig bit...had me ROLLING!)
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
May 15, 2020
5/5 Stars...
This memoir was so good i love how it started from her childhood and where she grew up to every chapter being about what she went through.
I also loved the little messages after each chapter and it made me look forward to what she was going to say.
I recently started watching the real again and i was curious to read this just to get a better look at loni and im glad i did. Loni has such a nice spirit about her and this book made me laugh at some of the things she said.
This is the 2nd memoir i have read because im picky at whos memoirs i read and im so glad i read this one i finished it in a day and a half i could not stop reading it.
Thank you for writing such a good memoir loni and it makes me so happy you got yourself to where you are now.
Keep being great on The real and the funny person you are queen!
thank you netgalley for the arc
This memoir was so good i love how it started from her childhood and where she grew up to every chapter being about what she went through.
I also loved the little messages after each chapter and it made me look forward to what she was going to say.
I recently started watching the real again and i was curious to read this just to get a better look at loni and im glad i did. Loni has such a nice spirit about her and this book made me laugh at some of the things she said.
This is the 2nd memoir i have read because im picky at whos memoirs i read and im so glad i read this one i finished it in a day and a half i could not stop reading it.
Thank you for writing such a good memoir loni and it makes me so happy you got yourself to where you are now.
Keep being great on The real and the funny person you are queen!
thank you netgalley for the arc
June 22, 2020
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Books for a DRC of this memoir in exchange for an honest review.
I don’t watch daytime tv or talk shows so I really wasn’t familiar with Loni Love at all.
This is a beautiful memoir about Ms Love’s childhood in the housing projects of Detroit, and her eventual rise to fame.
Her stories of her childhood and college years were at times difficult to read - even though she writes with humour embedded throughout the book. I wish she had shared more of what happened to her brother after he moved out, and how/ if any reconciliation ever happened between her and her mom. The “making it in LA “ part of the story wasn’t as interesting to me, although still an enjoyable read.
I don’t watch daytime tv or talk shows so I really wasn’t familiar with Loni Love at all.
This is a beautiful memoir about Ms Love’s childhood in the housing projects of Detroit, and her eventual rise to fame.
Her stories of her childhood and college years were at times difficult to read - even though she writes with humour embedded throughout the book. I wish she had shared more of what happened to her brother after he moved out, and how/ if any reconciliation ever happened between her and her mom. The “making it in LA “ part of the story wasn’t as interesting to me, although still an enjoyable read.
November 24, 2020
I can't remember why I picked this one up, but I loved the title and I enjoyed this book.
I am not a big TV consumer so I wasn't familiar with Loni Love prior to reading this, but I found her very likable. Love's story is interesting and relatable (in spite of being unlike mine in pretty much every way), which I think speaks to the power of her personality as well as the quality of her writing and humor. She has a strong sense of self and a healthy perspective and I found it interesting that while most of that was innate it also required acknowledgment and cultivation.
Note: There is some strong language peppered throughout the novel as well as some sexual humor, but there is nothing graphic and the profanity is not relentless.
I am not a big TV consumer so I wasn't familiar with Loni Love prior to reading this, but I found her very likable. Love's story is interesting and relatable (in spite of being unlike mine in pretty much every way), which I think speaks to the power of her personality as well as the quality of her writing and humor. She has a strong sense of self and a healthy perspective and I found it interesting that while most of that was innate it also required acknowledgment and cultivation.
Note: There is some strong language peppered throughout the novel as well as some sexual humor, but there is nothing graphic and the profanity is not relentless.
October 1, 2020
This book is great because Loni is such a wonderful person and her heart shines through on every page. She is funny and entertaining but also soft and thoughtful. I was shocked to read about her early years and some of the struggles she overcame but of course, there is a happy ending and an an interesting journey to get there. I also watched Soul Plane for the first time after reading this book and that was a treat. This book felt like having a meal with one of your best storytelling friends.
February 24, 2021
3.5 I did enjoy this but I wanted soooo much more. Loni Love has had a super interesting life with a lot of twists, but it felt like this was one big rush. There were so many things mentioned in a paragraph that should have been full chapters or more. I wonder if the publisher put a limit on the length? I also wanted it to be funnier, but maybe that's on me. I really like her and enjoyed her voice, it just lacked substance and detail.
July 5, 2024
Absolutely loved it, glad I got to hear her story, I have to go back and read her other book now. As a plus size woman who's dream is to be a comedian she really resinated with me (probably won't go on to be a comedian though, at least not now) My joy for making people laugh I could relate to that part of her story. In all learning to accept myself and flourish with who I am versus trying to change to fit the mold of what other people want.
March 15, 2022
Best memoir I've read so far (please note that I haven't read that many memoirs). It's unputdownable, she managed to make every chapter interesting, which I've noticed is hard to do for most. As someone who has trouble focusing, she had my full attention from start to finish.
November 20, 2020
I listened to this on Audible and had such a GREAT time!!! Loni narrated it, and it was HILARIOUS! I felt connected to Loni by having my own roots in Detroit and also being a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. She told her story so well, included some humor and beautiful words of wisdom. I truly enjoyed this from the beginning to the end!!!
September 14, 2023
Fast and entertaining and uplifting read. Makes you respect her even more to learn what she has risen from!
May 18, 2024
A comical read with real life lessons worth taking notes on!
July 18, 2020
Absolutely a great life lesson book to read. Loni I greatly enjoyed it and it has me thinking to be the real me and never change for anyone. So for this book and lesson I want to say thank you so much for sharing your life with myself and everyone else. Your an amazing woman.
July 28, 2020
I haven't had cable for years and try to avoid the news and talk shows, so I was not familiar with Loni Love, but with my random selection at the library this ended up in my TBR stack. I appreciate that she started with an overview of her latest career moves and accomplishments so I could place her and I had at least heard of her show with that sense of direction.
I didn't understand the title originally, thinking it could go in many different ways, but it's a nice sort of protective notion showing the world some of her biggest mistakes and life lessons, while she tried to change herself to be loved and accepted so we don't have to go through some of her growing pains. Some great, both sad and heartwarming life lessons were presented in a manner that felt very personal. She added some humor throughout, but didn't drown and distract the reader with a cheap laugh with every struggle. She was very vulnerable and real presenting her childhood and I felt connected to her wanting to keep reading and learn more about her.
I knew nothing about Loni and I still enjoyed this book and wanted to keep reading just one more chapter each night, so I can imagine if you are already familiar with Loni what a gem this would be.
I didn't understand the title originally, thinking it could go in many different ways, but it's a nice sort of protective notion showing the world some of her biggest mistakes and life lessons, while she tried to change herself to be loved and accepted so we don't have to go through some of her growing pains. Some great, both sad and heartwarming life lessons were presented in a manner that felt very personal. She added some humor throughout, but didn't drown and distract the reader with a cheap laugh with every struggle. She was very vulnerable and real presenting her childhood and I felt connected to her wanting to keep reading and learn more about her.
I knew nothing about Loni and I still enjoyed this book and wanted to keep reading just one more chapter each night, so I can imagine if you are already familiar with Loni what a gem this would be.
September 22, 2022
Disappointing, incomplete, falsified, racially insensitive book that doesn't make Loni Love look good. Up front she tells us, "I changed a whole lot...exaggerated, and made some things up" and "took liberties" in telling her story. We don't know what parts of it we can believe, therefore we have to assume none of it can be trusted as totally true.
It's too bad because recently I got to enjoy her on E! as a guest host for a few shows and found her refreshing, not pushing the typical racist agenda but speaking real life from the heart. This book is the opposite, just racially-charged politically-correct PR that is one of many black memoirs to come out the last two years in order to represent the "community." While I'm grateful she didn't capitalize "black," she slowly reveals her very biased racist bigoted view of life.
It's a mixture of memoir, humor, and advice, but falls short on all accounts. The very short book (200 pages with lots of white space) spends the first 2/3's on her life until she starts stand-up. She grew up in the projects of Detroit only knowing one white person, a teacher, then went to a black college. So she spent 22 years of her life surrounded by nothing but blacks, with the exception of a short job at a GM plant where she avoided dealing with others and only mentions a black manager that she befriended.
She shares little about her personal life but paints pictures of characters in her black community that are horrible people, including lots of drugs, violence, and sex (none of which she does) and a terrible mother that kicks her out of the house when she is 17 for no reason. Loni's time as a homeless person living out of her car is truly sad.
But she then starts to leave big gaps in her storyline and much of it makes no sense. She hates her GM job and claims to have no money even though she's making $18 an hour (huge at the time) and living out of her car, but then suddenly goes to college far away? How? She then gets a full-ride scholarship starting her sophomore year but complains about not being able to afford anything. Why not? She is the head of campus organizations and majoring in engineering--how did that happen to a shy poor girl with no life experience? We don't know because she doesn't tell us. And worst is when she out of nowhere gets a well-off black boyfriend that she moves in with but they eventually break up when he wants her to clean and cook. None of it is a consistent narrative, just short stories that skip full years and apparently are told for humorous purposes, though there's not much funny about it.
Once we finally get to her career in comedy very late in the book, it gets worse when she tells few specifics and avoids details. After three years of standup and bit roles on TV she is complaining that she doesn't have Oprah-like success. Huh? She seems out of touch with reality, wanting everything to be handed to her and always blaming her skin color. For a moment she admits to not being cast in Girlfriends due to her weight but she refuses to do anything about it--so isn't the problem really her and not those she is blaming?
And if you are looking for details about any of the other TV shows or movies she has done there isn't much. She devotes a little space to defending herself against gossip that she had a Real co-host fired, but even that fails to provide enough information.
Instead we get a whole lot of white-bashing for how blacks are treated in business and the "industry," some of it justified but much of it not. This woman who knew no whites for decades ended up in a first full-time job at Xerox. She complains it was due to her being a black woman so the company could meet a quota. So? She was picked for a job over other better qualified people and should be grateful for a biased system that favors minorities and women. Instead she can't let go of the fact that all the whites there didn't talk her language or understand her culture.
So she accepted a job in an all-white office and it was her role to adapt, as it is for any entry-level employee; instead she says she expected everyone else to adapt to her. That represents much of society's problems in dealing with young people and the minority community, where a small group refuse to adapt to the majority but expect special treatment and to have the majority cater to minority expectations.
When she was hired for the Real only minorities were considered and auditioned. Isn't that racial bias? If Hollwood cast a show posting a notice that only whites were being auditioned wouldn't that be ripped apart by cancel culture? Racism and mistreatment works both ways, and she fails to acknowledge it.
The longer the book goes on the worse it gets with her meeting Obama, claiming he was the greatest president in our recent history. She tries to find a couple other industry black women to thank but most of it is just complaining about how she didn't get opportunities though she admits she's basically lazy and doesn't do the work necessary to get what she wants.
Then near the very end she drops the biggest bombshells, devoting one sentence to her having had a miscarriage when she was in her 20s (why didn't she mention it back in those chapters???), that she was married for a short time (only a few paragraphs, no details and again stated outside of the book's timeline), and that she went on dating sites to end up with a white guy as her latest longtime love. Then she complains about all the blacks online ripping into her for selling out and picking a white guy!
Loni Love doesn't paint a good picture of the black community and instead of her choosing to indict whites as systemic racists it actually looks like it was many whites that treated her better than she deserved. Blacks mistreated her for decades and a white man is the one she now feels safe with and calls her equal. Loni Love's "real" story, told in complete truth and with proper self-analysis, would have made for a much better book.
It's too bad because recently I got to enjoy her on E! as a guest host for a few shows and found her refreshing, not pushing the typical racist agenda but speaking real life from the heart. This book is the opposite, just racially-charged politically-correct PR that is one of many black memoirs to come out the last two years in order to represent the "community." While I'm grateful she didn't capitalize "black," she slowly reveals her very biased racist bigoted view of life.
It's a mixture of memoir, humor, and advice, but falls short on all accounts. The very short book (200 pages with lots of white space) spends the first 2/3's on her life until she starts stand-up. She grew up in the projects of Detroit only knowing one white person, a teacher, then went to a black college. So she spent 22 years of her life surrounded by nothing but blacks, with the exception of a short job at a GM plant where she avoided dealing with others and only mentions a black manager that she befriended.
She shares little about her personal life but paints pictures of characters in her black community that are horrible people, including lots of drugs, violence, and sex (none of which she does) and a terrible mother that kicks her out of the house when she is 17 for no reason. Loni's time as a homeless person living out of her car is truly sad.
But she then starts to leave big gaps in her storyline and much of it makes no sense. She hates her GM job and claims to have no money even though she's making $18 an hour (huge at the time) and living out of her car, but then suddenly goes to college far away? How? She then gets a full-ride scholarship starting her sophomore year but complains about not being able to afford anything. Why not? She is the head of campus organizations and majoring in engineering--how did that happen to a shy poor girl with no life experience? We don't know because she doesn't tell us. And worst is when she out of nowhere gets a well-off black boyfriend that she moves in with but they eventually break up when he wants her to clean and cook. None of it is a consistent narrative, just short stories that skip full years and apparently are told for humorous purposes, though there's not much funny about it.
Once we finally get to her career in comedy very late in the book, it gets worse when she tells few specifics and avoids details. After three years of standup and bit roles on TV she is complaining that she doesn't have Oprah-like success. Huh? She seems out of touch with reality, wanting everything to be handed to her and always blaming her skin color. For a moment she admits to not being cast in Girlfriends due to her weight but she refuses to do anything about it--so isn't the problem really her and not those she is blaming?
And if you are looking for details about any of the other TV shows or movies she has done there isn't much. She devotes a little space to defending herself against gossip that she had a Real co-host fired, but even that fails to provide enough information.
Instead we get a whole lot of white-bashing for how blacks are treated in business and the "industry," some of it justified but much of it not. This woman who knew no whites for decades ended up in a first full-time job at Xerox. She complains it was due to her being a black woman so the company could meet a quota. So? She was picked for a job over other better qualified people and should be grateful for a biased system that favors minorities and women. Instead she can't let go of the fact that all the whites there didn't talk her language or understand her culture.
So she accepted a job in an all-white office and it was her role to adapt, as it is for any entry-level employee; instead she says she expected everyone else to adapt to her. That represents much of society's problems in dealing with young people and the minority community, where a small group refuse to adapt to the majority but expect special treatment and to have the majority cater to minority expectations.
When she was hired for the Real only minorities were considered and auditioned. Isn't that racial bias? If Hollwood cast a show posting a notice that only whites were being auditioned wouldn't that be ripped apart by cancel culture? Racism and mistreatment works both ways, and she fails to acknowledge it.
The longer the book goes on the worse it gets with her meeting Obama, claiming he was the greatest president in our recent history. She tries to find a couple other industry black women to thank but most of it is just complaining about how she didn't get opportunities though she admits she's basically lazy and doesn't do the work necessary to get what she wants.
Then near the very end she drops the biggest bombshells, devoting one sentence to her having had a miscarriage when she was in her 20s (why didn't she mention it back in those chapters???), that she was married for a short time (only a few paragraphs, no details and again stated outside of the book's timeline), and that she went on dating sites to end up with a white guy as her latest longtime love. Then she complains about all the blacks online ripping into her for selling out and picking a white guy!
Loni Love doesn't paint a good picture of the black community and instead of her choosing to indict whites as systemic racists it actually looks like it was many whites that treated her better than she deserved. Blacks mistreated her for decades and a white man is the one she now feels safe with and calls her equal. Loni Love's "real" story, told in complete truth and with proper self-analysis, would have made for a much better book.
August 19, 2021
What an original and uplifting memoir. This book really makes you love Loni Love!!
April 3, 2020
In a new inspiring memoir, titled I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To, Loni Love stops trying to conform, embraces her flaws and tunes into her potential. Despite her last name, Loni grew up in a not-so-loving home. Without giving away her entire life's story, she went from growing up in the Brewster-Douglass Housing Projects to earning an engineering degree then making it in show biz. It was not an easy journey.
Loni Love has worn many hats and crossed many paths in her young lifetime. She has been places and experienced more than most people ever would. This fact makes the book cover so perfect! Most importantly, Loni Love stayed true to herself through all phases of her life. It is indeed admirable. I appreciate her straight-talk, the funny lists at the end of every chapter and her sharing embarrassing mistakes, accomplishments and necessary changes.
I am a daily viewer of The Real where Loni Love is one of five co-hosts (all women of color). Her point of view is always appreciated and well spoken. However, I do not find her hilarious. Every now and then she delivers a funny one-liner. And her bits about cubicle life, that one black person in the office and a hard-knock life was chuckle-worthy. But I expected more LOL moments from a comedian.
When reading a memoir, I keep in mind that all things are not as it seems. Truth may be embellished. Situations may be lightened up. The line between fact and fiction might blur. Hence why I read all memoirs with a side-eye. I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To was no exception. My eyes rolled every time Loni Love mentioned the projects where she grew up on the east side of Detroit. "Brewster-Douglass" was mentioned over 60 times. This is no exaggeration; I started to count. Also, I find it very hard to believe that Loni Love graduated from Cass Tech High School, one of thee best public high schools PERIODT, but never once met with a college counselor. She goes so far as to question whether the school even had one. I call bullshit.
But there are other sections where Loni Love talks about relationships, a career and opening up to change that resonate with me. For example, numerous people have suggested that I throw deal-breakers out the window and try online dating. I shoo those ideas away every time. But there was something about the way she words her own story of finding love that made me think hmmm, maybe I should approach dating differently.
Overall, Loni Love meets her purpose of providing readers with life lessons. Reminding us to be true to self and not conform to society's definitions. We control our own destiny. I may have issues with some content of the book but it does not negate her success, drive and spirit. I recommend it for every woman of color needing some real talk.
Happy Early Pub Day, Loni Love! I Tried To Change So You Don't Have To will be available Tuesday, May 5.
Disclaimer: An advance copy was received directly from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Opinions are my own and would be the same if I spent my hard-earned coins.
LiteraryMarie
Loni Love has worn many hats and crossed many paths in her young lifetime. She has been places and experienced more than most people ever would. This fact makes the book cover so perfect! Most importantly, Loni Love stayed true to herself through all phases of her life. It is indeed admirable. I appreciate her straight-talk, the funny lists at the end of every chapter and her sharing embarrassing mistakes, accomplishments and necessary changes.
I am a daily viewer of The Real where Loni Love is one of five co-hosts (all women of color). Her point of view is always appreciated and well spoken. However, I do not find her hilarious. Every now and then she delivers a funny one-liner. And her bits about cubicle life, that one black person in the office and a hard-knock life was chuckle-worthy. But I expected more LOL moments from a comedian.
When reading a memoir, I keep in mind that all things are not as it seems. Truth may be embellished. Situations may be lightened up. The line between fact and fiction might blur. Hence why I read all memoirs with a side-eye. I Tried to Change So You Don't Have To was no exception. My eyes rolled every time Loni Love mentioned the projects where she grew up on the east side of Detroit. "Brewster-Douglass" was mentioned over 60 times. This is no exaggeration; I started to count. Also, I find it very hard to believe that Loni Love graduated from Cass Tech High School, one of thee best public high schools PERIODT, but never once met with a college counselor. She goes so far as to question whether the school even had one. I call bullshit.
But there are other sections where Loni Love talks about relationships, a career and opening up to change that resonate with me. For example, numerous people have suggested that I throw deal-breakers out the window and try online dating. I shoo those ideas away every time. But there was something about the way she words her own story of finding love that made me think hmmm, maybe I should approach dating differently.
Overall, Loni Love meets her purpose of providing readers with life lessons. Reminding us to be true to self and not conform to society's definitions. We control our own destiny. I may have issues with some content of the book but it does not negate her success, drive and spirit. I recommend it for every woman of color needing some real talk.
Happy Early Pub Day, Loni Love! I Tried To Change So You Don't Have To will be available Tuesday, May 5.
Disclaimer: An advance copy was received directly from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Opinions are my own and would be the same if I spent my hard-earned coins.
LiteraryMarie
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