The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self

by Martha Beck

As Martha Beck says in her book, “Integrity is the cure for psychological suffering. Period.”

In The Way of Integrity, Beck presents a four-stage process that anyone can use to find integrity, and with it, a sense of purpose, emotional healing, and a life free of mental suffering. Much of what plagues us—people pleasing, staying in stale relationships, negative habits—all point to what happens when we are out of touch with what truly makes us feel whole.

Inspired by The Divine Comedy, Beck uses Dante’s classic hero’s journey as a framework to break down the process of attaining personal integrity into small, manageable steps. She shows how to read our internal signals that lead us towards our true path, and to recognize what we actually yearn for versus what our culture sells us.

With techniques tested on hundreds of her clients, Beck brings her expertise as a social scientist, life coach and human being to help readers to uncover what integrity looks like in their own lives. She takes us on a spiritual adventure that not only will change the direction of our lives, but also bring us to a place of genuine happiness.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Spirituality, Audiobook, Mental Health

351 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 13, 2021

Reviews

[Dan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Luckily I made notes about the good bits because I had to throw the book away after I read it. I took the filling out parts a bit too far and wrote some very incriminating and dark shit in there. Like when I finished it I was like what if I give this to someone without thinking and they find out about all the shameful shit I've done. Hideous.

Aside from that, I think it had some great points which I'll try and take on board. It didn't solve my problems like it said it would but it gave me some good advice.

[Nichola Gutgold · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful, life-changing book for everyone who reads it and especially for those who feel they are serving everyone but themselves. I'm late to the Martha Beck phenomenon but happy to have found this book (one of many she has written) and would recommend this book to anyone open to examining their choices and how those choices in life either fulfill them or exhaust them. It is beautifully written, and of all the books I've read on habit and fulfillment, I think this one is the most accessible and has the best shot at actually changing your behaviors. I'll probably read this one again and again.

[Deanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my favorite of her books, though I always say that. It’s more subtle than her other self-development books, quieter in a way, more nuanced but also bolder, and it’s probably the most impactful. Though it’s fully stand-alone and its own subject, it builds developmentally on all her prior work. Worth the wait.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about unity and alignment with yourself. After thirty years of writing self-help and coaching people, the author concluded that the single cause of psychological suffering is a loss of structural integrity with all the parts in place. And when we fall out of structural integrity, we crash. The book talks about the suffering that happens when we split from ourselves. We're all born with a genuine nature and integrity until culture hits us. Then we lose ourselves, trying to please people for the rest of our lives.

There is a whole part about secrets in the book. One quote said, "Speaking of science, solid research shows all sorts of links between living in harmony with our truth and maintaining good health. There's a whole field of medicine, psychoneuroimmunology, that focuses on the way psychological stress, including the stress of lying or keeping secrets contributes to illness. Studies have linked deception and secret-keeping to elevated heart rate and blood pressure, increased stress hormones, higher bad cholesterol and glucose levels, and reduced immune responses. The more significant our deceptive behavior, the worse the effect on health," which I found so fascinating as so many people are out there keeping secrets of one kind or another.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/mar...

[janicec100 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked the 1st half of this book. Beck makes a lot of references to Dante's Divine Comedy so I simultaneously listened to that book on Audible. Beck maps out the steps to living in peace, which she proposes only comes from within when you live with integrity. "Integrity is the cure for unhappiness." But I kind of feel the last few chapters fizzle out. She seems to get sidetracked with her own personal visions and being one with nature. Still, it's a good reminder to live intact with integrity.

[Lorna · Rating 2 out of 5]

Retreading Old Ground

Having read Finding Your North Star and Finding Your Way in a Wild New World,I was very disappointed to find that this latest book Integrity is the very same material in a different format.
This time,she uses Dante’s model of the circles of hell and entry into heaven to pin her stages of change on to but it is a re-run of her previous work.

[Jo-Ann Duff · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, let’s get straight into it. A LOT is going on in The Way of Integrity. Martha Beck has not only led one hell of a life (from conservative Mormon to lesbian self-care and life coach superpower), she’s also written a self-care book based on The Divine Comedy. It can’t work, can it?

I kinda feel like it did!

Each chapter is set to a part of Dante’s Inferno. The dark wood of error, inferno, purgatory, and paradise. Martha Beck walks you through each of these chapters using real-life examples from people who have come to her for life-coaching help and Martha’s own experiences, particularly her internal conflict of being a dutiful Mormon yet wanting to live a life in tune with her own integrity and soul values.

At the end of each chapter, there are exercises to complete, and the first is all about how deep you are in the ‘dark wood of error’. Thankfully, for me, I’m not overwhelmed with struggles and major issues to overcome. However, I found myself lingering and re-reading parts on self-sabotage and feeling obligated to attend events or spend time with people who may not serve my best interests. I certainly say yes when I should say no, just to please others or out of feelings of obligation, which erode time that could be better spent doing things to keep me moving forward and that I really enjoy doing. It was the little A-Ha! moment I needed to read.

The Way of Integrity isn’t solely about working on yourself. For example; Beck touches on the ‘vicious cycle of violence’, and I found this part of the book really helpful not only to understand toxic and draining personalities which pop up around me from time to time, but also how these behaviours, en mass, perpetuate a negative cycle for large portions of the population. You know the masses on social media who never listen and have belief systems not based on fact? Just in hate? Yeah, htose guys.

If you feel like you’re struggling with feelings of failure or overwhelm, The Way of Integrity could help you out of your rut. If you are generally happy but feel like there may be something missing or have periods of anxiety or sadness which you can’t quite put your finger on, this book could also be for you. It’s a great distraction, time-out and guide to navigating you out of those dark woods by taking small yet powerful one degree turns to find your own path to integrity.

Grab your copy of The Way of Integrity today and check out Duffy’s other self-care book reviews and work on your mind and spiritual health. After all, it is Mindful May!

[Mandana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very rarely give a book 1 star but again don't read this kind of book usually anyway! This one do not deserve even one more star! This was the first time and will be for sure the last that I'll read a book a celebrity recommends- my dear Miranda Heart, seriously!!!!

This was a book of cliche! Call me sad and miserable but are you f*** kidding me?!
Some parts of the book was alright and you could resonate with it but I felt like I'm seeing a cheesy psychologist who I kind of have to continue seeing to understand if it ever says something revolutionary at some point and I'll be like haaaaaa this is what people was talking about!

If you like a motivational book and aren't that smart or haven't read any philosophy books from authors like Kafka, Sartre, Kant, Camus or poor Dante (who I'm sure is having nightmare in his grave), then you might enjoy this book. Otherwise DON'T

[William Harrington · Rating 1 out of 5]

Introduction consists of an author bragging about how smart she is, how many people she’s helped/saved, and how she knows “the way”.

*begin paragraph*

“This book is meant to guide and accompany you along that way. Wherever you may be in life, however you may feel right now, the way of integrity will take you from this very spot to a life with meaning, enchantment, and fascination. I’ve helped hundreds of people experience this. I’ve also left a whole process myself—and believe me, I was not an easy case. But after all that misery, the way of integrity took even me to a life that feels ridiculously blessed. This is not because I’m anything special. It’s just because I know the way”

*end paragraph*

Yes that is a real paragraph from the book. Here she attempts ethos, logos, and pathos in the most pretentious and generic way. She claims that she knows the answers. She’s been in your shoes. She’s helped hundreds of people experience it. Oh big fucking deal? That’s great and all, but how about you let the content of your book prove that? I thought this book was meant to change MY life? Not to toot your own horn. Not a very good job AT ALL in convincing me I’m gonna learn anything new or important in this book. Her comparisons are awful as well. I Couldn’t get past the first chapter

Cookie cutter “self help” book with an overly obnoxious author. I’d halfway like this book if it came out a few decades ago. If you’ve read a SINGLE self help book I doubt you will like this at all

[Kathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I ranged from zero stars and eye rolling to 5 stars and note taking on this one but will average out at 3.5. Some of the concepts will stick with me and others need contemplation but overall a few key takeaways and I’m glad I finished.

[Kelley Kimble · Rating 3 out of 5]

Would’ve been a good book for me 20 years ago. Now, a decent refresher.

[Syareads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written around the analogy of the three volumes of Dante's The Divine Comedy, this book takes you on a quest for complete spiritual integrity. Sometimes the literary comparisons seem like a stretch, but other times they perfectly illustrate how you can find your way back to your true self: where all of life's treasures await you.

I like reading spiritual/personal-development books, but I'm equally interested in the lives of the authors who write them. Several times, Martha Beck mentioned Byron Katie's work—now, I've heard her name often, I've even watched one of her interviews (though her content seemed a bit too woo-woo for me), but what I never knew, until reading The Way of Integrity, is that Byron Katie is married to, of all people, Stephen Mitchell—THE Stephen Mitchell, who happens to be the translator of, among other well known works, The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke (Rilke is one of my favorite poets).

I was, of course, delighted, and instantly decided that I was no longer going to shun Byron Katie's books.

That the author mentioned Elizabeth Gilbert in the acknowledgements was no surprise to me, after having read all the chapters. I first heard about a woman called Rayya in Gilbert's interview with Oprah Winfrey a few years ago; apparently Rayya is the woman Gilbert fell in love with after her second marriage. I was in tears listening to Gilbert talk about Rayya.

Years later, reading The Way of Integrity, I still remembered the name, and was able to recall the story. All these authors, speakers, spiritualists we admire—it's staggering to think they're all connected with each other, that behind the scenes they're all spiritual buddies. Thus there's Martha Beck talking with Rayya about the latter's illness, and there's Elizabeth Gilbert, on the phone with Beck, listening to the manuscript of this book and making art out of its wisdom, in the depths of her journal. What do we make of that?

"I realize that social connections between humans who share common interests in nothing magical," the author writes at one point (before she goes on to explain the mind-blowing, magical relationship she seems to have with animals). Perhaps she's right. All I can say is, even though I don't live in the US, I sure hope that one day I'm able to be in the spiritual circle of all these amazing women who are on a quest to live their own truth.

But back to the book: The two primary takeaways are a) notice all the ways you're out of integrity (lying to yourself/the world) and then, if you're willing, to make one-degree turns back toward your truth, and b) question the certainty of your troublesome thoughts and beliefs until they dissolve. Both these points sound cliched and simple, but the author explained them in a way that struck home.

A great 4-start read, this book. Definitely deserves a reread. I can't help mentioning one of the most hilarious and thought-provoking anecdotes included by the author: After writing a controversial book, she had this recurring thought, "Something terrible is going to happen to me because I wrote this book." At one point (inspired by Byron Katie's methods), she questioned the thought, turning it on its head and instead coming up with, "I am going to happen to something terrible because I wrote this book."

I hope Martha Beck continues to "happen to something terrible" through all her books...

[Anna Knezic · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this book because Tig Notaro recommended it on the Handsome podcast. Martha Beck uses Dante’s “The Divine Comedy” as a roadmap for explaining how life can take us through various hardships. But reading “The Way of Integrity” felt like a hardship in and of itself. It’s filled with logical fallacies, magical thinking, and equating anecdotes with unwavering truth. It gave me grifter vibes.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to EVERYONE

[Hlyan · Rating 4 out of 5]

While reading this book, a dialogue from Shakespeare's Hamlet, spoken by Polonius to his son Laertes, came across my mind: "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

This book is about being true to ourselves. When we're not true to ourselves, when our actions don't align with our true values and what we truly want, we create divisions inside our own selves and it causes suffering and unhappiness.

In The Way of Integrity, the author doesn't mean the word Integrity in a moralizing sense. She says, "To be in integrity is to be one thing, whole and undivided. When a plane is in integrity, all its millions of parts work together smoothly and cooperatively. If it loses integrity, it may stall, falter, or crash. There’s no judgment here. Just physics."

I read this book because Oprah selected it for her book club this month. Like Oprah says, this book gives me many aha moments. But I'd like to share one of my favourite passages, it's from the last chapter of the book:

"... whenever we humans long for something, the Powers That Be immediately send it. But everything we’ve ordered is always delivered to our real home address: peace. Go back to the resonance of the statement “I am meant to live in peace.”Can you feel yourself relaxing as your whole self aligns with that idea? This is why, when we struggle for things in a state of desperation, they don’t come to us—nothing works when it’s misaligned. But when we return to a state of peace, the things we’ve “ordered”can finally reach us.

It boils down to this: peace is your home. Integrity is the way to it. And everything you long for will meet you there."

[Celiadot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible

This is a handbook for life that brims with optimism and love. This is one brave lady who has had to cope with some huge hurdles but has come out an awesome human being.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal. Will promptly reread this one, so much to soak in

[Sierra · Rating 5 out of 5]

1. this book is like a crash course digging deep into dante’s inferno and i’m here for it

2. i wonder if oprah put this on her book list bc she embarrassed this poor woman on national television

[Anna Packard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book started out a little slow for me but by the time it ended, I couldn’t put it down. It was expansive and gave me SO much to think about, reflect on, and move towards. Her own story as part of the framework and journey towards integrity was inspiring, humanizing and powerful. I loved the use of Dante’s divine comedy as a framework for how to move towards personal attunement, integrity and freedom. The path as outlined is not for the faint of heart but also makes me feel that we can all do it if we want. I listened to the audio book and then immediately bought a hard copy so I can slow down, internalize it, and do the exercises with intention.

[Sylvia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to audio book. There were some nuggets for me in terms of living in integrity. The Dante references were a little too abstract for me

[Gabriel Erle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Worth it!

[Bassmh · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

Started ok. Then it just became dull and boring.

[Lucia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I discovered Martha Beck through a podcast, and I am convinced she has some incredible supernatural connection/knowledge. Her story and outlook felt like soul medicine.

[Sivapriya Subramaniam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Confession time, folks. I have never picked up a self-improvement book in my twenty-four years of life because of my twin thoughts:

1. Self-help books are absolute garbage.

2. Self-help books are not going to help me, for I'm a delusional bastard who can singlehandedly solve her own problems - thank you very much.

This novel debunked those thoughts that I held too dear. I would say that it found me at the right time, too; I was drowning in toxicity in the past few months that frightened my relatively stable self. Career choices, growing relationships, squirreled-away savings, huge identity crises. Let's just blame it all on #adulthood.

I promise I'm getting to the book. After learning from a friend that The Way of Integrity was woven together using Dante's Inferno and because I obviously craved some mental comfort, I was both intrigued and resolute to work through it diligently. While the chapters were ordered according to the "nine circles of hell" one has to surpass for complete integrity, I was pretty surprised that the book was abundant with mental exercises - which are easy enough to follow through regardless of your familiarity with looking into yourself. Martha Beck includes many of her life experiences as well, including her sense of unbelonging to her assigned religion, career and sexuality, and how her self-made exercises helped her find herself again. I found some of her stories to be unbelievable in a good way.

My takeaways? I did manage to unearth many things about myself I knew deep down. Seeing my grey areas scribbled on the pages helped make better sense of my thoughts, feelings and emotions - of why I might have flared up in some scenarios or pinned myself down in others. Likewise, there were also some ideals that I felt were a little too good to be true, or perhaps too tough to reach. I'm not sure why I felt that way. But maybe it just means I have a long way to go with regards to finding my sense of integrity. Like any of our fundamental needs, mental health betterment deserves all of the attention we can afford to channel towards it, and this year has taught me that.

Overall, I would definitely recommend it to any willing reader who's going through a tough period in their lives. You can even consider picking it up although you're transitioning through your days smoothly. It might help you assess yourself better, understand yourself better and simply live better.

Disclaimer: While my review is largely positive, I firmly believe that self-help books are not the sole solution to mental health betterment. The methods described for self-improvement might also not be suited to everybody. If you're going through bigger demons in your life, seeking professional help is the best way to go.

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me learn to find the light, energy, and warmth that comes from living in radical truth and honesty. It helped me see the world as safe, enticing, and alive. I hope to remember to revisit this book when I feel stuck. What a gift!

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a born-and-raised people-pleaser, this book has given me some much needed perspective and courage.

Some of the exercises, stories and advice really resonated with me. But other exercises, reflections and tie-ins to Dante’s Divine Comedy seemed a bit too radical/spiritual for me and really affected how engaged I was with the book at some points.

I especially appreciate the guidance to make 10-minute or 1-degree changes instead of more drastic adjustments to help maintain those intentions.

I’m going to try to lie less to the people I care about. The day I made that decision, I went to a friend’s BBQ where I put relish on my burger even though I hate it because i was afraid of their judgement if I refused. And today I had a conversation with my partner where twice I had to tell him that I’d lied in the previous statement. I have lots of room for improvement!

I also hope to reach a place in the future where I feel safe enough to consider eliminating lies completely.

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Martha Beck is trying to remind us that when our actions--- let alone our daily lives – are out of synch with who we are and what we believe, we are not walking through life with Integrity, and we foster suffering. She uses Dante’s Divine Comedy as the scaffolding to her book-length demonstration, and I love that.

I also found about 25% of the material to be a bit whackadoo. Which I say with affection, if not admiration. Maybe I just don’t know enough about her to know her credibility. But in any case, though I waited in vain for the book to appeal to me personally, I can see that the other 75% is well written practical support for creating personal peace. How can anyone argue with that?

(Format note: I read this on audio, with narration by the author. It was fine—not great, but fine if that’s your favorite format for this kind of book.)

[Natalie Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me several times before I actually picked it up. Sometimes books find you at just the right time, and this was certainly an example of that. I was not familiar with Martha Beck before reading this but was instantly taken by her wit, charm, and authenticity.

I am very picky when it comes to "self-help" books, as I can find many of them to be pretentious, self-indulgent, or even downright yawn-inducing. This book held none of those traps. Instead, it was interesting and insightful, and Martha did a beautiful job weaving stories of her own and her clients, along with what was happening in the world at the time (this book was written during the pandemic).

I took away many nuggets of wisdom and look forward to learning more from Martha Beck in the years to come.

[Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Broadly agree a lot with the concepts presented in this book, even though parts are flawed. A few chapters are verbose. The ending could have been a lot better... (got a bit lost there). I appreciated the metaphor to Inferno but didn't know enough to say if it held up the whole way or not. I'd say 5-6 chapters were useful for me, along with the exercises.

Chatted a lot with Yamini about how hard it is to live with integrity in most moments, but once you do, it's worth it.

I will recommend it to other people and friends (and have brought it up in a lot of conversations since I started reading it).

[Sylvia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Martha Beck describes integrity as "to be one thing, whole and undivided."
Seems pretty simple enough, yet most often times challenging to accomplish. I know that I strive to live my life whole heartedly with integrity, but alas, I have teenagers that constantly challenge my wits and will to no end lol
That being said, I found The Way of Integrity to be just what I needed in order to help me make sense of how to truly live with purpose, to heal, and to rediscover that integrity can help you to be true in what you think, say and do.