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Capable: A Story of Triumph For Children the World has Judged as "Different"
"Capable is the book I would like to place in the hands of every couple who has a child with special needs."
-GARY CHAPMAN, PhD, Author of The 5 Love LanguagesA true-life account, spanning birth to adulthood, that illustrates what happens when one mom unleashes the power of expectations.
MONTHS AFTER HIS BIRTH, Jack remained listless, on a ventilator, without muscle tone. When he was eventually diagnosed with a rare genetic syndrome, all Deborah heard were predictions of what he would not be able to do. She was free-falling, weighed down by a toxic brew of helplessness, anger, and fear. Capable provides flesh and blood inspiration for any parent who has been told that their child is, by some measure, "less than."
This memoir will conjure tears and laughter as you witness Deborah juggling the competing emotions of despair, heartbreak, and euphoria that came with raising her son as "typical." Told with humor, passion, and disarming candor, Capable has you rooting for Jack while providing a road map for fearlessly parenting your own child.
-GARY CHAPMAN, PhD, Author of The 5 Love LanguagesA true-life account, spanning birth to adulthood, that illustrates what happens when one mom unleashes the power of expectations.
MONTHS AFTER HIS BIRTH, Jack remained listless, on a ventilator, without muscle tone. When he was eventually diagnosed with a rare genetic syndrome, all Deborah heard were predictions of what he would not be able to do. She was free-falling, weighed down by a toxic brew of helplessness, anger, and fear. Capable provides flesh and blood inspiration for any parent who has been told that their child is, by some measure, "less than."
This memoir will conjure tears and laughter as you witness Deborah juggling the competing emotions of despair, heartbreak, and euphoria that came with raising her son as "typical." Told with humor, passion, and disarming candor, Capable has you rooting for Jack while providing a road map for fearlessly parenting your own child.
- GenresMemoirNonfiction
372 pages, Paperback
Published May 13, 2021
15 people are currently reading
491 people want to read
About the author
Deborah Winking
3 books21 followersAs a mother of four and PhD in Educational Psychology, I have worked with and advocated for countless children. My credentials as a teacher, educational consultant, and researcher, coupled with my life experience as a parent of a child born with a genetic syndrome, give "Capable" weight and credibility that is rarely found in parenting memoirs. Visit my website at www.highexpectationsparenting.com where you can request to have my blog, Capable Conversations, emailed directly to you.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
October 2, 2021
This is a beautifully written book written by a mother who was told all the things her beloved child would "never" do, but who decided to approach it with a different viewpoint, and prove them all wrong.
August 25, 2021
***I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway***
By choosing to tell her story as a memoir and not a more traditional parenting advice book, Deborah Winking manages to escape the disingenuous positivity and/or sanctimonious that's usually found in the genre. I dig that.
This is her story of raising her son who was born "different"...in this case, by having Sotos Syndrome which causes learning and developmental delays. Early on, she chose to do everything she could to ensure he did everything his "normal" siblings did. She refers to this as high expectations parenting - by acting as if the child is capable, the child will become capable.
There are aspects of this parenting style that I think are important for all parents to consider. Kids, and really all of us, do our best when we don't even know what we are trying to do is hard. By normalizing the struggle and standing back to let the child try to do things, the parent is helping them become their own people.
As with all parenting books, there are some aspects of her style I don't agree with. She seems to have an obsession with the word "syndrome" that I would almost call a phobia. She chose not to tell her son he had a syndrome until he was well into his teen years and that, I think, is unfortunate.
But, ultimately, this was a well written book that provided a glimpse into one way of parenting children with different needs and a great reminder to keep the goals for their life in forefront (but be willing to adapt those goals). I wish this family nothing but the best.
By choosing to tell her story as a memoir and not a more traditional parenting advice book, Deborah Winking manages to escape the disingenuous positivity and/or sanctimonious that's usually found in the genre. I dig that.
This is her story of raising her son who was born "different"...in this case, by having Sotos Syndrome which causes learning and developmental delays. Early on, she chose to do everything she could to ensure he did everything his "normal" siblings did. She refers to this as high expectations parenting - by acting as if the child is capable, the child will become capable.
There are aspects of this parenting style that I think are important for all parents to consider. Kids, and really all of us, do our best when we don't even know what we are trying to do is hard. By normalizing the struggle and standing back to let the child try to do things, the parent is helping them become their own people.
As with all parenting books, there are some aspects of her style I don't agree with. She seems to have an obsession with the word "syndrome" that I would almost call a phobia. She chose not to tell her son he had a syndrome until he was well into his teen years and that, I think, is unfortunate.
But, ultimately, this was a well written book that provided a glimpse into one way of parenting children with different needs and a great reminder to keep the goals for their life in forefront (but be willing to adapt those goals). I wish this family nothing but the best.
September 25, 2021
An Interesting Read for ECI and Special Ed Students and Professionals
The book is interesting and well-written and would be a great case study for Special Ed and ECI students. While the author was and, no doubt, still is a fierce advocate for her son, at times I felt she was too much of a “helicopter” parent. Some of her methods for helping her son seem harsh to me. I imagine “Capable” would provide fodder for some interesting discussion and debate for students and professionals dealing with special needs children.
The book is interesting and well-written and would be a great case study for Special Ed and ECI students. While the author was and, no doubt, still is a fierce advocate for her son, at times I felt she was too much of a “helicopter” parent. Some of her methods for helping her son seem harsh to me. I imagine “Capable” would provide fodder for some interesting discussion and debate for students and professionals dealing with special needs children.
June 9, 2021
You will not regret spending the time to walk in Dr. Winking’s shoes. This memoir serves up a rollercoaster of emotions as it ultimately serves as a blueprint for how to parent with high expectations.
July 16, 2021
I worked in special ed for many years and I know this personality. Total denial and every thing was everyone else's fault. While I'm really glad that Jack has the future he has, what a great price he paid. This seems so much more about the mother's failings and less about Jack's diagnosis.
June 8, 2021
Deborah Winking PhD’s new book, Capable: A Story of Triumph for Children The World Has Judged as Different, is that rare and effective combination of memoir and the clinically observational. While painting a complete and detail-oriented portrait of her son ‘Jack’, Winking never falters to focus more on the humanistic angle many of these retrospectively hybridized stories lack - an emphasis on the human being at the center of the character study, not what makes them so-called ‘unique’, ‘different’, or the cursed phrase ‘unable to fit in’. It’s this kind of compassionate spirit within Winking’s recounting of sometimes joyful, sometimes tremendously painful and challenging, and even at times magnificent twists and turns parenting a non-mainstream child that solidifies Capable as unique to its peers, and outside its intent and structure as a story worth telling. It’s passages like the following that serve to reinforce this warmth, adding a sense of emotional urgency to the more textbook clinical and developmental psychology descriptors Winking also depicts within the pages.
"Just as we continue to feel the searing pain of our kids’ hurts, we also continue to kick up our heels in that happy dance with their every success,” she writes, penultimately within the book. “In fact, the degree to which we feel pain and pride for our children may intensify with time and space…But when he FaceTimed me…I wanted to throw open the kitchen window and shout to the world, ‘My kid has friends!’…Wonder of wonders, the boy who would not be left behind did go on to do everything his twin sister did…Jack, the ‘labeled’ kid who began his school career in the multiply handicapped preschool class…(has) lived with students from all over the world, and is following his interest in environmental sustainability.” It’s this kind of humanization that serves a two-fold purpose. It simultaneously makes one empathize with someone or something intellectually inscrutable, concurrent to being a reminder never to condemn those who are - again, ‘different’ - to a severely truncated, compartmentalized set of expectations. Small victories today may just spell out major ones tomorrow. The latter concerning a specific kind, a kind universally exceeding any and all expectations of those both ‘mainstream’ and those who are non.
It’s the knowledge there’s a happy ending that adds to the poignancy of ‘Jack’’s less certain days. The cast of characters - medical, therapeutic, and otherwise - who come between Winking and the immediacy of her relationship with her child is something coming across as, sometimes, maddening, and sometimes bittersweet. The rupture of normalcy, the constant overhanging of what new challenge to overcome next shifts the reader’s empathy back-and-forth in realtime between Winking and ‘Jack’ himself. To her credit, Winking is sometimes willing to paint herself and her good intentions in less than flattering light. What she never loses sight of literarily is her genuine love and awe for her son, serving to balance some of the chapters that devastatingly recreate the claustrophobia of a pale white doctor’s office, or alienation occurring within the classroom. It’s that ability to juggle all the elements - that’s how Winking succeeds…
"Just as we continue to feel the searing pain of our kids’ hurts, we also continue to kick up our heels in that happy dance with their every success,” she writes, penultimately within the book. “In fact, the degree to which we feel pain and pride for our children may intensify with time and space…But when he FaceTimed me…I wanted to throw open the kitchen window and shout to the world, ‘My kid has friends!’…Wonder of wonders, the boy who would not be left behind did go on to do everything his twin sister did…Jack, the ‘labeled’ kid who began his school career in the multiply handicapped preschool class…(has) lived with students from all over the world, and is following his interest in environmental sustainability.” It’s this kind of humanization that serves a two-fold purpose. It simultaneously makes one empathize with someone or something intellectually inscrutable, concurrent to being a reminder never to condemn those who are - again, ‘different’ - to a severely truncated, compartmentalized set of expectations. Small victories today may just spell out major ones tomorrow. The latter concerning a specific kind, a kind universally exceeding any and all expectations of those both ‘mainstream’ and those who are non.
It’s the knowledge there’s a happy ending that adds to the poignancy of ‘Jack’’s less certain days. The cast of characters - medical, therapeutic, and otherwise - who come between Winking and the immediacy of her relationship with her child is something coming across as, sometimes, maddening, and sometimes bittersweet. The rupture of normalcy, the constant overhanging of what new challenge to overcome next shifts the reader’s empathy back-and-forth in realtime between Winking and ‘Jack’ himself. To her credit, Winking is sometimes willing to paint herself and her good intentions in less than flattering light. What she never loses sight of literarily is her genuine love and awe for her son, serving to balance some of the chapters that devastatingly recreate the claustrophobia of a pale white doctor’s office, or alienation occurring within the classroom. It’s that ability to juggle all the elements - that’s how Winking succeeds…
December 21, 2022
I had the honor of meeting Deborah in Daytona Beach at a conference. She had everyone share about something special about their child or students they work with. I shared that my son, at 14, finally blew out his birthday candles. I did not dismiss this as something he would never do. This book reminds us to not let labels define our children, to push them beyond their limits, and to persevere along with them. That is our job as parents. Thank you for this beautiful read. I also love that we celebrated Jack blowing out candles for the first time too!
This is not a “I cured my child” with a special diet book, etc. It’s about the hard work and dedication of a loving mother and determined son. Love it!
This is not a “I cured my child” with a special diet book, etc. It’s about the hard work and dedication of a loving mother and determined son. Love it!
January 5, 2022
Wow!!! Every couple whom has a special needs child needs to read this book. Inspirational & emotional, the author takes us on her joirney by sharing her story re her special needs son. Her determination & strength are to be admired.
As a mother with a special needs daughter I could totally relate to many of the scenarios Dr. Winking faced. This mom shares experiences regarding the vision she has for her son.
I was fortunate to have won a Kindle copy of this book from a Goodreads Giveaway. This is a five star read and I recommend it to anybody whom has or is educating special needs children.
As a mother with a special needs daughter I could totally relate to many of the scenarios Dr. Winking faced. This mom shares experiences regarding the vision she has for her son.
I was fortunate to have won a Kindle copy of this book from a Goodreads Giveaway. This is a five star read and I recommend it to anybody whom has or is educating special needs children.
July 9, 2021
Truly amazing
This inspiring memoir has it all. It is heartwarming, real, and uplifting even during the hard times it shares. I believe every parent should read this book as there is a lesson here for all of us, not just parents of those with special needs. The message it sends resonates across all human kind and has touched my heart.
This inspiring memoir has it all. It is heartwarming, real, and uplifting even during the hard times it shares. I believe every parent should read this book as there is a lesson here for all of us, not just parents of those with special needs. The message it sends resonates across all human kind and has touched my heart.
August 15, 2021
Excellent read.
What a Mother's love can do. Her son, Jack was born with a rare syndrome. Mom, told by professionals, that he basically could not be like normal kids, due to that. With love, and determination, she proved the experts wrong. Her son went to college, and is in Graduate school.
What a Mother's love can do. Her son, Jack was born with a rare syndrome. Mom, told by professionals, that he basically could not be like normal kids, due to that. With love, and determination, she proved the experts wrong. Her son went to college, and is in Graduate school.
June 4, 2021
Dr. Winking's book is brave and brilliant. Her journey in raising her son is filled with doubt, heartache, triumph, and most of all, love and Dr. Winking shares it all. She is clear about her motivation for writing this book. It is not a roadmap for other families. It is simply her experience and research provided to show what is possible when a diagnosis is not used to define limits. Dr Winking writes in a comfortable conversational voice. It's as if you are sitting across from her at a comfortable coffee shop. I highly recommend this work for any family member or educator who has a relationship with any person who society sees as "different."
May 31, 2021
The most inspirational and emotionally gripping story of faith, fortitude, and a mother's determination I have read in a long time. Dr. Winking writes from the heart and keeps you cheering, crying, and hoping. Capable is one mother's journey of love and expectation for her son.
June 26, 2021
A mother’s incredible attempt to assist her son in overcoming a life-changing syndrome and how his journey through childhood unfolds.
December 5, 2021
Good read, you will walk away with a better understanding from a parent of a child with special needs
August 7, 2024
I had this student in my kindergarten class when I was a paraprofessional. Amazing to hear how he really over ame so many obstacles to succeed in life. His mom was an amazing example of knowing each of our children are capable of so much more if we just believe in their capabilities.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews