The Assertiveness Workbook: How to Express Your Ideas and Stand Up for Yourself at Work and in Relationships

by Randy J. Paterson

Stand up and be heard! With more than 100,000 copies sold, this fully revised and updated self-help classic by psychologist Randy J. Paterson—author of How to Be Miserable—will help you get started today.

Do you feel uncomfortable in situations where you disagree with others? Do you struggle to express your opinions or assert your boundaries? If you’ve ever felt paralyzed by confrontation, or have bitten your tongue rather than offer an opposing point of view, you know that a lack of assertiveness can leave you feeling marginalized and powerless. Assertiveness is a critical skill that not only influences your professional success, but also your personal happiness! So, how can you make sure your voice is heard?

The Assertiveness Workbook contains powerfully effective skills grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you communicate more effectively, improve social interactions, and express yourself with confidence and clarity. You’ll learn how to set and maintain personal boundaries while staying connected, and discover ways to be more genuine and open in your relationships. Finally, you’ll learn to defend yourself calmly if you’re unfairly criticized or asked to submit to unreasonable requests.

Fully revised and updated—this new edition includes information on the impact of social media, mini-dialogs to help you navigate tricky social interactions, and skills to shift your behaviors to be more assertive—so you can improve your communication skills, and your life!

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Communication, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Mental Health, Relationships

248 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Dr Randy Paterson (randypaterson.com) is a psychologist and author living in Vancouver Canada. He founded and operates Changeways Clinic, a multiple-provider psychotherapy practice focusing on cognitive behaviour therapy for stress, anxiety, and mood disorders. He is the author of five books (including The Assertiveness Workbook, now in its 2nd edition, a recipient of the ABCT Self-Help Seal of Merit, How to be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use, How to be Miserable in Your 20s, Private Practice Made Simple, and Your Depression Map) and numerous therapy guides and clinician resources. He has taught over 300 workshops on psychological issues, offering programs across Canada, as well as in Australia, New Zealand, and Hong Kong. His video blog, PsychologySalon, appears at https://www.youtube.com/c/PsychologyS.... In addition to his interests in psychology and therapy, Dr Paterson owns and operates an orchard in the interior of British Columbia.

Reviews

[AJ Fillari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everybody should read this book. Or go to therapy. Or both. Or not. You're your own person make your own choices, I can't tell you what to do.

This book helped me understand a lot about myself and how I perceive the world and people around me. It helped me realize that I'm my own person and I'm entitled have emotions and let people know how I feel.

I seriously can't recommend this book enough for people who feel overwhelmed with life, or people who just want to be better communicators. This book doesn't just help you be more assertive, it helps you recognize other types of behavior that you and the people around you exhibit (passiveness, aggressiveness, passive-aggressiveness).

The way the chapters are written is so incredibly conversational and easy to read and understand. It feels like you're talking to someone who wants to help you, not just teach you stuff.

I seriously can't recommend this book enough.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being aware of the lack of communication skills of most people, I think everyone could benefit from reading this. Unfortunately, it's a workbook and there are assignments, and the majority of people who buy this book won't do them.

I am too aggressive much of the time. With work, I have become less aggressive, but I'm still too aggressive due to my stress response being triggered too easily on some days. With practice, you can and will change your brain and body response.

The content in this workbook seems almost too simple, and I think it will benefit the too passive and too passive-aggressive communicator more, but I still recommend to all. We all use all types of communication, but one will be more prominent than others for you.

[Marisa Fernandes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Contrariamente a "The Assertiveness Guide for Women" de Julie de Azevedo Hanks, este livro baseia a sua argumentação na existência de quatro grandes estilos de comunicação: o passivo, o agressivo, o passivo-agressivo e o assertivo. Segundo o autor, uma mesma pessoa pode usar qualquer um destes quatros estilos, dependendo da circunstância, embora, por norma, possa existir maior tendência e/ou predisposição a usar mais um dos quatro.

"The Assertiveness Workbook" divide-se em duas grandes partes: uma primeira dedicada à compreensão da assertividade e uma segunda dedicada a tornar-se assertivo(a).

Um aspecto transversal a todo o livro é o questionamento e a avaliação constantes que o autor nos propõe. Daí ser um "workbook", cujo objectivo é colocar/fazer o leitor exercitar e praticar constantemente até porque a comunicação e o comportamento assertivos para se tornarem hábitos carecem de prática!

O autor é muito objectivo, directo e neutro, o que considero essencial num livro que se pretende científico.

[Melinda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this if you feel secretly mad a lot and want to not feel that way anymore. Giving compliments is assertive as hell so shout out to Mr. Randy Paterson for writing this and for including a chapter on gender roles.

[Yasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's literally an education book that encourages you to build self confidence and, revalue your behavior and beliefs.

[Loriann Oberlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

As co-author of Overcoming Passive Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships, Career and Happiness, I do think that learning assertiveness is so vital for everyone.

It's when we're not assertive and tend to please other people to an extreme that we collect difficult (yes, even passive-aggressive) people in our lives.

This book helps unravel the difference between being respectful and assertive and also what it's like when people are passive or aggressive. The author discusses how our belief systems relate to these preferences. Charts dealing with situations, our appraisal, our response and our beliefs outline the theory visually.

Our interpretation of any given situation influences us in an emotional and behavioral way (hence our reaction and reactivity).

Paterson uses anecdotes interlaced with those charts and text, and offers a useful section on how to give corrective feedback as well. Well done.

[A.B. Neilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Assertiveness is a style of communication. The author makes clear that it is not about who you are, but about your behaviour. So if you change your communicative skills, you can change the way you relate to other people. It is a clear manual, plenty of examples and exercises. It has made me realize how many of my interactions are not guided by assertiveness, and discover what points I need to develop in order to apply assertiveness to my daily life. Planned as a self-study course, it takes the reader through the different styles of communication, the barriers to assertiveness and the non-verbal and verbal skills of an assertive communication. It has made me realize how important Assertiveness is to improve not only our relationships but also our own self-esteem and confidence. A life-changing tool.

[Susanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to allow others to have opinions, all the while admitting you have a different one.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Needing to find the strength to stand up for yourself without a major amount of conflict?

The book will take you step by step through exercises designed to encourage assertiveness. It explains the differences between passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive reactions, and helps the reader see which one they are.

I found it so helpful, that I took it to a meeting with my counselor. She liked it as well.

[James Lavallee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book to better understand the concept of assertiveness and see where I fit on the communication scale. I did not do the work but feel I have a better understanding of the different types of communication. I was able to make small changes in how I communicate and understand others. I Hope to reread and do the work some day. Would recommend.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Making up for a missed class for the CFSAN Mentoring Program.

[Josiah Paintsil · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. It contains information about what is assertiveness and how to be assertive. It has exercises that you can practice and it gives you assignments so that you can develop your assertiveness skills. I feel like I am in a therapy session or community group when I work through this book. I have learned much from it and I am glad that I have worked through it. I am missing some parts but I try to keep them in mind as I keep practicing these skills. I find it difficult to do each exercise while also completing the book, because they take a long time. Some of them take a week or so. So, I did a mix where I did some exercises immediately and I planned to do others later in the week. That helped me progress through the book faster and stop procrastinating. A consequence of this though is that I did not practice some exercises to completion. I believe that is ok. I have gotten what I wanted from this book, and I hope to "re-take the class"/re-practice this book another day for an even deeper understanding. For everyone still learning, I wish you all the best in your learning and I hope you all make strides in your friendships and relationships.

[Samyy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was surprised and disappointed with this book. It came highly recommended and I thought I would get a lot of useful information from it but the author failed to engage me, personally.

It is a very introductory and almost gimmicky self-help book. Everything felt oversimplified and borrowed heavily from other, better works like Feeling Good. Moreover, the information was redundant and repetitive. It felt like an introduction to assertiveness for people who don’t know what the word assertive means.

The author provided a lot of examples, mantras and affirmations that failed to strike a chord with me, making it hard to store this information for later recall. 1-3 examples is sufficient - 15-20 is overkill.

I did like the inclusion of gender and cultural assertiveness sensitivities. I also liked the chapters on giving effective feedback and saying no assertively, though the way the chapters were structured was still not ideal.

If you’re looking for tips on being more assertive, this is an alright book - but the information inside might be better explored elsewhere.

[Jcsiq · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think that the big message of this book is: You can't control others, only yourself. Off course you can influence with your voice tone or your body language, and an assertive message but ultimately is the other person that decide what to do.
That said, you have the perfect right to express your emotions and what you want. You don't have to be passive, waiting everybody decide for you. You don't have to be aggressive, trying to control everything. And you need to control other by forcing with passive aggressive behavior. You should send a clear message of what you want and what will occurs in case other person chose don't do that thing.

[Christian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one I'd recommend to any individual focused on personal growth. It's a worthy workbook to invest your time on because it focuses on the individual's ability and desire to carry out some proper self-development challenges. Talk of the power of being assertive in nearly all the situations and aspects of life and what they present. The world will be a different place to live in all the same. Somehow we're still here and as we all know it, it continues to spin and revolve around the sun as is.

[Bismillah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book about the difference between passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive styles of communication, and why assertive style of communication is the right approach and then how one can learn to be assertive or improve one's assertive communication. It has some useful practical tips and exercises to work with.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is truly helping me become more assertive. I actually stop and think about the tips and tricks on a regular basis when dealing with clients, family and contractors. I find it a little "information overload" but I'm glad I have a hard copy i can highlight and look back through when needed. Definitely recommend for those who are super passive!

[Hailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

since my therapist lent this to me, i'll leave a genuine review. i've learned a lot and gained insight about myself (alan kinnie unfortunately), i plan to definitely work on these qualities in the future. i didn't complete any of the exercises but i can see the importance.
overall, very enlightening but i am not sure how much knowledge i'll retain. 👍

[Rick Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Work, which could be translated into Tamil.
I do appreciate Social Sciences, which focus on managing relationships.

I found it fascinating to look at our ownselves, "How are we raised?"

From looking at our own-selves, from the outside, we can figure out blind-spots.

Work on many communication skills.

Deus Vult,
Gottfried

[Livia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. I highly recommend it to anyone wishing to improve their impact at work as well as at home. Very good chapters on how to respond to feedback, say no and making requests without controlling others.

[Ctny · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book brought to light a lot of unproductive habits, behaviors, and styles that I use in communication and how to improve them.
Key point made throughout the book is that we are all individually responsible and in control for how we communicate and act.

[Shuan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on assertiveness and interacting with others

Great topic, very insightful, well written. I’ve walkways wanted to be more assertive. This book corrects the beliefs that have been holding me back, and provides techniques to be more assertive. Wish I read this earlier.

[Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent workbook. It will teach you most of what you need to know about assertiveness and the best way to relate with people in confrontational situations. Highly recommended especially to those who want to or are charged with leading others.

[Ro · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book. Some of it for me, some of it is not. I can see how this would be extremely helpful for overly passive people and i can see a therapist recommending this book and it helping whoever needs to read it.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes I feel kinda dumb reading/working thru self help handbooks but then I remember I was raised on super religious handbooks so this is kinda like undoing the damage and resetting the system. This one especially I wish I'd done like 20 years ago. Onwards & upwards!!!

[Vedrana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very informative book (hopefully helpful too, time will tell on that one). There were a lot of interesting insight as it provides material for self reflection, but also it is helpful in identifying certain behaviours and communication styles in others which can also be helpful for navigating relationships.

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

some good chapters. i need more help establishing and enforcing boundaries.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m glad I started 2018 by reading this one.

[Andreas Happe · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Assertiveness is about controlling your behavior not controlling someone else's."

[Anoob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good