Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear

by Pam Leo

"""Connection Parenting"" is based on author Pam Leo’s seven week parenting series, ""Meeting the Needs of Children,"" that she has been teaching for over sixteen years. The premise is that a strong parent-child bond is the key to children's optimal human development and our most effective parenting tool. Connection Parenting is a proactive approach to parenting that supports parents and caregivers in creating and maintaining the strong bonds children need to thrive."

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Family, Psychology, Childrens, Adult

198 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2005

About the author

Pam Leo is an independent scholar in human development, a parent educator, a certified childbirth educator, a doula, a parent, and a grandparent.

"After my first child was born in 1972, it became my passion to understand human behavior. I began to study child development, psychology, sociology, and anthropology. I wanted to learn why we are each born as a tiny innocent being, and some of us grow up to be a Mahatma Gandhi while others become an Adolf Hitler. What determines the difference? I was determined to find out."

"If I had to put into one sentence all that I have learned about optimal human development and parenting it would be this: our effectiveness as parents is in direct proportion to the strength of the bond we have with our child. Securing and maintaining that bond is our primary work as parents and is the key to optimal human development."

Reviews

[Anastasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of good information, but Ms. Leo is not an author. She badly needs to have had this book edited. Nonetheless, I recommend reading this book; behind the hokey terms like "love cup" are some important concepts about treating our children with respect, honoring their feelings, and meeting kids' needs.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Connection Parenting there are no quick fixes, no time-outs, no threats, no coercion used in Pam Leo's methods... instead she teaches parenting through connection. One of the things she said that stuck with me is about how we need to stop treating children as "second-rate citizens". While this may seem a little over the top I feel like we, as a nation, do treat our children pretty poor. We raise our children the way we were raised (with a few changes here and there) but don't stop to think about the most loving and respectful way to raise our most innocent and precious beings. Connection Parenting isn't easy any way you slice it. It takes a lot of patience. It takes a lot of creativity. It takes a LOT. But I feel in my heart that Pam Leo is on the right track in this book. I wish there were more practical examples of how to implement connection in those all-too common difficult moments with toddlers and preschoolers.

I want to add that I do remember being frustrated a little with the book after reading it. I feel like, while I love the parenting methods, they are a tad too permissive for me. One of the points that the author makes is that we don't have to teach our children that they are in the real world at such a young age when speaking of consequences/discipline. But I have realized that i.e. if you have your child in preschool then they are in the real world. They have to abide by the teacher's rules and play well with others and have consequences for their actions. A teacher isn't always going to have the time to talk things through like the book suggests, and I think that is fair. I guess I say all that to say that I believe that I want my child to be a little more flexible and a little more well-mannered by our culture's standards than I think connection parenting would result in.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really like the concept of connecting with your child, showing respect and love as opposed to using coercion or fear of punishment to change behavior; but she was really big on if your child has behavior problems, its because you as a parent aren't meeting the needs of that child. I don't fully agree.

I also think we have to be careful about not allowing our children to work through struggles because not everyone out there in the world is always going to try to meet our children's needs and we need to help them work though those feelings appropriately.

Of course I think parents should parent in love and understanding so the child feels safe and secure and loved, but there needs to be a balance and it felt like she was saying there should be no punishments for misbehaving and that is taking away accountability.

I did like that she has a lot of other parenting books for references, many of which I have read and liked.

[Tarlan A. Latif · Rating 4 out of 5]

Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear
🫂: PAM LEO

Bəzi uşaqlar böyüyüb #mahatmagandhi olduğu halda, bəzi uşaqlar niyə #adolfhitler olur❓

#pamleo ilk övladını dünyaya gətirdikdən sonra insan davranışlarını anlamaq eşqinə düşür, beləliklə sosiologiya, psixologiya, erkən uşaq inkişafı kimi sahələrə yönələrək araşdırmağa başlayır. Araşdırmalarına davam edib 2 qızını 👩‍👧‍👧 böyüdərkən #parenting kursları keçməyə başlayır və ən sonunda da mənim bəhs etdiyim kitabın müəllifinə çevrilir. Çünki nəşr olunmuş kitabla daha çox valideynin həyatına toxuna biləcəyini anlayır.

Kitab praktiki əhəmiyyətli, çoxlu tapşırıqları olan və həzm olunmalı tərzdə qələmə alınıb. Xüsusilə də övladı ilə bağ qurmağa çətinlik çəkənlər, valideynliyi zövqdən çox məcuriyyət kimi görənlər, keçirməyə vaxt, söhbət etməyə mövzu tapa bilməyən valideynlərin imdadına çata bilər.

🪢Öhdəliklərini yerinə yetirib övladından zövü alan valideynin effektivliyi onun övladı ilə arasındakı bağda öz əksini tapır. Valideynlikdə ən vacib şey isə həmin bağı qoruyub saxlamaq, daha da gücləndirməkdir. İnsanın inkişafında ən əsas rol oynayan amil isə güclü bağlarının olmasıdır.

[Sonya Feher · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great overview for parents who don't have time to read tons of parenting books. The author was a childcare provider for 22 years and then taught parenting workshops for 16 years before writing this book. Connection Parenting
asks one to reflect about one’s own parenting goals and inheritance (how one was parented). That grounding in history and future helps to deal with parenting in the present: how to communicate, understand what a child is communicating, discipline, and make sure everyone’s cup is full. I especially appreciate her understanding that no matter what our parenting goals are, if we’re exhausted or empty as parents, we can’t use all of our great parenting tools or knowledge. Each chapter has a list for further reading. This is a quick read with a very straightforward and humane approach to parenting.

[Marta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book so much!!!!!! I felt like it saved me and is really helping me to brake the parenting cycles that have been happening in my family for generations. I think that it a wonderful peaceful method to parenting and truly works. It has brought awarness to how and when I communicate with my children. I have bought it for one person and insisted others buy it, keep it and read it.

[Julie Zilkie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a quick read, and one with principles I needed reminded of. It is far easier to bark out a order or come up with a quick consequence than it is to take a moment to connect with the child and find out what the true need is of that particular child at that particular moment. I feel like I picked up some more tools for my parenting toolbox along with just being reminded of some I let go by the wayside for lack of time and effort. However, the problem of sin and the answer found only in Christ is missing from this equation, so it does put a whole lot of emphasis on the parent providing that connection for the child, which, of course, will not end as well as the author leads one to believe.

[Jenni Pertuset · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great parenting book. An accessible collection of kernels of insight and truth present in other remarkably valuable works -- like Hold Onto Your Kids and Non Violent Communication -- it also includes thoughtful original ideas. Leo has the great advantage of being concise, making Connection Parenting easy to recommend to parents whose time is short. One of the best ideas in the book is that the true magic word is “let’s.” I also appreciated her discussion of how to interpret behavior to get at the need it expresses.

[Andre · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a quick read and filled with practical advice. Pam Leo eschews the heavy data-driven and theoretical approaches that some parenting books can get into and focuses on making the concepts "real" for your family. It makes a great companion book to Magical Child, but can also stand alone as a great book to reach for when you need some help.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absorbed this book like a sponge! The ideas and principles are an inspiration to me as a clinician intern becoming a child therapist. I have approached my sessions with the intention of helping parents connect with their children and it has yielded postive results. I cannot sing enough praise of this book!

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were some ideas in this book that I absolutely loved like a child cooperates better when they have a good relationship with a parent. I also like her ideas about treating children with more respect. There were some ideas that didn't make much sense to me though. If you never punish a child (inlcuding taking away privildges) how will they ever learn responsibility for their choices?

[Clarissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is rather new age and sappy but it also provides the best approach to parenting that I have seen. No one could always be as kind and gentle a parent as this book advises, but just having read it helps you to pause in the heat of the moment and think and calm down enough to be a better parent.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite parenting books. It's short, sweet and to the point.

One chapter per week is a good way to work your way through it for the first time.

Now I reread bits and pieces whenever I find myself straying from being the kind of parent I want to be. Just a few minutes with it help me recenter.

It's also one of my favorites to share with new parents.

[Marti · Rating 3 out of 5]

She has an important message! She doesn’t make much of the science that backs up what she is saying, but there IS new (10 years?) science that backs her up. It’s a good one, and she lists MANY other books that augment her message. It’s a pretty quick read, so... I recommend. [I only gave 3 (more like 3+) stars because I am used to reading the heavier-on-science stuff, which I prefer.]

[Carrie S · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick, easy read. This is an amazing book that helped me to heal from my own childhood and forgive my parents for their mistakes. It also started me on the gentle discipline path.

[Haktan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kitabı keyifle dinledim. Ebeveynler için faydalı bir kitap olduğunu düşünüyorum.

Beni en çok etkileyen fikirlerden ilki çocuğa bir yetişkin gibi yaklaşma anlayışı oldu. Bu bakış açısı çocuğunuzla ilişkinizi doğrudan etkiliyor ve nasıl davranmanız gerektiği konusunda kararsız kaldığınızda size rehberlik edebiliyor.

Benim için kitaptaki ikinci faydalı yaklaşım havalı bir terminoljiye sahip olmasa da "kap" anaoljisi. Çocukların da yetişkinlerin de duygusal kapları var. Bu kapları iyi ya da kötü duygularla ne kadar doldurduğunuz, boşaltmak için ne gibi yollar bulduğunuz bütün ilişkilerinizi ve tabi ebeveynliginizi doğrudan etkiliyor.

Ve son olarak, el ele ebeveynlik anlayışının tüm ailenin ihtiyaçlarını gözetiyor olmasını oldukça önemli buldum. Ebeveynler kendi ihtiyaçlarını sürekli ihmal ederek iyi bir ebeveynlik yapamazlar. Bunun farkında olmanın ve belki yazarın tavsiyelerinden faydalanmanın anne babalara iyi geleceğini düşünüyorum

[Tanja · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book should be a must read for parents. I'm only giving it 4 stars, because it goes a bit over the top some times. There's a page where it compares Ghandi and Hitlers upbringing, without, as far as I can tell, any facts to back this up. If that part was cut out, it's still very mushy, but bearable mush.
I love the fact that this book gives useable advice. It's not an intangible philosophy, it gives situation examples and ways to avoid them or solve them.
Tried and tested at home I can only say it works and makes every kind of sense to us. This book is for everyone who dislikes the word discipline and wishes to raise their children in an understanding, cooperative and loving environment.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminds me of what my parenting beliefs were back when I was just the mother of one. Something about being the mother of two made me too tired to remember all my high ideals and lofty goals and this book has been instrumental in getting myself back on track. AND I know Pam Leo's advice works, because I saw it working for my son when he was an only child, and I see it working for both of my children now that I am implementing these strategies again. My son is happier and I am a more relaxed and happier mom.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best parenting book I've ever read. Our parent education teacher at preschool highly recommends this book for everyone, no matter what age your kids are. This book is fairly new, but will soon be a huge hit! The author, Pam Leo, teaches ways to find solutions that are loving, using connection and talks against any type of fear based techniques. You'll be amazed at what you are doing right now that isn't benefiting your kids,even though you have the best intentions. A MUST READ FOR ALL PARENTS!!

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy read. Short sections and tid bits that allow you to pick up and read an idea 2-5 minutes at a time if you wish. Embraces the best of all my favorite parenting books. Each chapter references other books if you are interested in reading more indepth on what is presented. THIS is your cliff notes. This is your bathroom book. This is the book you might be able to get your husband to read. It's a fast read, and I will probably read it again and again. Simple, to the point, informative, effective, reasonable. It a must have.

[Corilla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another wonderful resource for attachment and connected parenting. Had a wide variety of other books and websites at the end that helped me compile a new amazon order of parenting books since I have now read all of my previous ones. Looking forward to reading some of the books I have read about in Connection Parenting.

[LLL USA Breastfeeding Support]

This book is a concise and insightful guide to parenting. Pam Leo provides the theory to encourage parents to connect with their children, as well as the practical tools to effectively transform common childhood behaviors. She is honest about the challenges facing many parents today, and provides strategies to overcome these challenges without resorting to authoritarian parenting.

[Christy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Presented a lot of true principles but I didn't always agree with the way the author suggested those principles be applied so I wouldn't wholeheartedly recommend it without some reservations and explanations first.

[Jonine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really good techniques that have helped me step back and rethink my patenting. I really stop to think "I need to teach her everything! Every emotion and how to deal with it and we've made huge strides in her behavior! Way less arguing and bickering.

[Pauline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best parenting books I've read - still it's taking me a while to get through it. It's an easy read, but it's a workbook, and I just am not making it a priority.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I LOVE the compassionate philosophy espoused in this book. SO kind and respectful of children. A very quick and easy read.

[Carrie S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the best parenting book I have read. Less permissive than Naomi Aldort, but very much about treating children with respect.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! I took a class from Pam once, this book is basically the text to her class. Very helpful and inspiring.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is definitely my parenting style, and her words speak to me. . .

[Sonia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author gave tons of great techniques and advice. If you are a parent or plan to be a parent someday, this book can help you get thru the terrible twos and three's without hitting or yelling.