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Finding My Way: A Memoir of Family, Identity, and Political Ambition
A deeply personal memoir about finding family and belonging from White House staffer Robin F. Schepper.
Growing up torn between her single Pan Am–stewardess mom and brothel-owning grandmother in 1960s New York City, Robin F. Schepper never imagined that she’d one day have an office in the East Wing of the White House. Her childhood in a German American neighborhood on the Upper East Side was peppered with half-truths, from the family secrets surrounding her grandmother’s immigration to deceptions about her biological father.
In a world of self-absorbed adults, Robin largely raised herself: she secured a scholarship to a prestigious private school and worked several jobs as a teenager to pay her own living expenses before finally escaping to California for college. Street-smart and undeniably driven, once in the professional world Robin quickly ascended in the male-dominated political sphere, traveling the globe while being subjected to sexual harassment and assaults that echoed obstacles her mother and grandmother had faced.
Through it all, Robin searched for her biological father. She felt that if she could understand why he abandoned her, she could free herself from secrets, lies, and shame.
Robin eventually ascended to work for the First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama and, in the meantime, created her own family by adopting two sons from Kazakhstan. Intimate and captivating, Finding My Way follows an ambitious woman who reached the highest pinnacles of a political career while simultaneously fulfilling her own quest to heal from family trauma and discover her true identity.
Growing up torn between her single Pan Am–stewardess mom and brothel-owning grandmother in 1960s New York City, Robin F. Schepper never imagined that she’d one day have an office in the East Wing of the White House. Her childhood in a German American neighborhood on the Upper East Side was peppered with half-truths, from the family secrets surrounding her grandmother’s immigration to deceptions about her biological father.
In a world of self-absorbed adults, Robin largely raised herself: she secured a scholarship to a prestigious private school and worked several jobs as a teenager to pay her own living expenses before finally escaping to California for college. Street-smart and undeniably driven, once in the professional world Robin quickly ascended in the male-dominated political sphere, traveling the globe while being subjected to sexual harassment and assaults that echoed obstacles her mother and grandmother had faced.
Through it all, Robin searched for her biological father. She felt that if she could understand why he abandoned her, she could free herself from secrets, lies, and shame.
Robin eventually ascended to work for the First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama and, in the meantime, created her own family by adopting two sons from Kazakhstan. Intimate and captivating, Finding My Way follows an ambitious woman who reached the highest pinnacles of a political career while simultaneously fulfilling her own quest to heal from family trauma and discover her true identity.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published April 18, 2023
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October 28, 2022Finding My Way by Robin F. Schepper, published by Girl Friday Books is to be released in April 2023. What attracted me to the book is that in the promotional material the author is described as a “White House staffer”. Having been a political staffer myself in a previous life, I was intrigued to find out about her experiences in that role. Especially in the White House!
Schepper’s memoir however primarily deals with her upbringing in 1960s New York. She was born into what could best be described as a fractured family and she attributes the challenges and problems she faced as she grew up to those early years, in particular that she missed out on the happy and harmonious family situation she craved.
The narrative follows her as she finds her way from her inauspicious beginning to the end of the book, where she describes herself as having “landed where [she] wanted to be” – now a happily married middle aged woman with two children she loves and a life that is satisfying and rewarding. As difficult as her early years were, she grows up determined, independent and largely self-motivated. Although she describes her journey as fraught and distressing at times, she manages to attain a commendable level of education, qualifications, skills, professional experience and a career that many would envy.
At the crux of the story is her inability over many years to have the kind of solid, close and loving relationships she wanted. Her mother was unmarried when Schepper was born, and she was never told who her father was. It was the lack of a father’s love that not only frustrated and saddened her but made her resentful of her mother, who refused to publicly acknowledge her single mother status and was consistently obstructive to Schepper's many attempts to find her father.
Adding to the burden of guilty secrets Schepper carried was that her grandmother owned a brothel, which at the time had to be hidden behind the façade of a massage business, where clients were referred to as “patients” and the rooms where the transactions were carried out as “treatment rooms”.
What Schepper describes as “the shame of the truth, and the work of keeping all these secrets hidden from the outer world” combined to make her intensely insecure and uncertain of her own worth. But instead of succumbing, she decided to “create my own worth and show everyone that a bastard child could succeed.” Which she did in no small measure.
Other issues she focuses on are sexual abuse, which was rife then in political circles, as it sadly is today, teenage pregnancy, which despite her concerted efforts to prevent among her schoolmates, she experienced herself and gender inequality, particularly in the church.
It’s always heartening to read a woman’s story of overcoming challenges and developing the strength and self-determination to make something of herself and in this regard Schepper’s story is gratifying reading. Where it falls down is that sometimes it veers into what I call “CV” land, where the author lists their achievements, their career history and important postings. This becomes a bit prosaic and is quite at odds with the deeply personal passages which, in a memoir, are what engage the reader. Notwithstanding that it was most definitely an important posting, I’d have loved to hear more about Schepper’s experiences working in the White House, especially her time with Michelle Obama. I think most readers would love the chance to get an “insider” view of this episode in her career and of Michelle Obama.
Thank you to Girl Friday books for providing me with an advance review copy of the book.
Schepper’s memoir however primarily deals with her upbringing in 1960s New York. She was born into what could best be described as a fractured family and she attributes the challenges and problems she faced as she grew up to those early years, in particular that she missed out on the happy and harmonious family situation she craved.
The narrative follows her as she finds her way from her inauspicious beginning to the end of the book, where she describes herself as having “landed where [she] wanted to be” – now a happily married middle aged woman with two children she loves and a life that is satisfying and rewarding. As difficult as her early years were, she grows up determined, independent and largely self-motivated. Although she describes her journey as fraught and distressing at times, she manages to attain a commendable level of education, qualifications, skills, professional experience and a career that many would envy.
At the crux of the story is her inability over many years to have the kind of solid, close and loving relationships she wanted. Her mother was unmarried when Schepper was born, and she was never told who her father was. It was the lack of a father’s love that not only frustrated and saddened her but made her resentful of her mother, who refused to publicly acknowledge her single mother status and was consistently obstructive to Schepper's many attempts to find her father.
Adding to the burden of guilty secrets Schepper carried was that her grandmother owned a brothel, which at the time had to be hidden behind the façade of a massage business, where clients were referred to as “patients” and the rooms where the transactions were carried out as “treatment rooms”.
What Schepper describes as “the shame of the truth, and the work of keeping all these secrets hidden from the outer world” combined to make her intensely insecure and uncertain of her own worth. But instead of succumbing, she decided to “create my own worth and show everyone that a bastard child could succeed.” Which she did in no small measure.
Other issues she focuses on are sexual abuse, which was rife then in political circles, as it sadly is today, teenage pregnancy, which despite her concerted efforts to prevent among her schoolmates, she experienced herself and gender inequality, particularly in the church.
It’s always heartening to read a woman’s story of overcoming challenges and developing the strength and self-determination to make something of herself and in this regard Schepper’s story is gratifying reading. Where it falls down is that sometimes it veers into what I call “CV” land, where the author lists their achievements, their career history and important postings. This becomes a bit prosaic and is quite at odds with the deeply personal passages which, in a memoir, are what engage the reader. Notwithstanding that it was most definitely an important posting, I’d have loved to hear more about Schepper’s experiences working in the White House, especially her time with Michelle Obama. I think most readers would love the chance to get an “insider” view of this episode in her career and of Michelle Obama.
Thank you to Girl Friday books for providing me with an advance review copy of the book.
April 9, 2023
Shopper’s memoir centers around her constant search for the identity of her biological father.
Raised by her devoted Catholic mother Trudy, in the early )0’s in NYC, Robin did her best to be a good daughter. She also hoped to create a better life for herself, compared to her mother (and dear grandmother). That meant doing things for herself. She applied to Spence private school for secondary education, and was accepted with a scholarship. But throughout her childhood and early adulthood and onward, her search for her elusive biological father continued.
Robin’s career and search for companionship took her around the world.
It made very interesting reading during my long holiday weekend.
Thank you netgalley for my eARC in return for my honest review. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Raised by her devoted Catholic mother Trudy, in the early )0’s in NYC, Robin did her best to be a good daughter. She also hoped to create a better life for herself, compared to her mother (and dear grandmother). That meant doing things for herself. She applied to Spence private school for secondary education, and was accepted with a scholarship. But throughout her childhood and early adulthood and onward, her search for her elusive biological father continued.
Robin’s career and search for companionship took her around the world.
It made very interesting reading during my long holiday weekend.
Thank you netgalley for my eARC in return for my honest review. 5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
January 16, 2024
Robin Schepper’s memoir of struggle and searching is both extraordinary and somehow familiar. The particulars of her upbringing are unusual but the challenges she faced along the way feel like those of everywoman. What happened to her was daunting and what she did in response was heroic. How she has written about it is clear, honest, and courageous.
Full disclosure: my path crossed with Robin’s, briefly, three decades ago. I was familiar with one or two pieces of her story but her struggles and triumphs were mostly unknown to me before I read her book. An airline stewardess mother, an absent and unknown father, and a grandmother who ran a brothel were the eccentric details of her growing-up years in Manhattan. As a girl with no money, she had a plan and an ambition that drove her to cadge a scholarship to an exclusive private school. She went on from there.
The through-line in the story is her dogged search for her father and, by extension, her identity, and the parallel battle with her mother, against her stonewalling and lies about who was her biological father. The tale reveals the author as determined, patient, and in charge of her righteous anger, but ultimately forgiving.
Along the way, Schepper’s story intersects with many contemporary topics: divorce, abandonment, rape and sexual abuse, abortion and women’s health care, discrimination and harassment in the workplace, substance abuse, failed romance, infidelity, adoption, and the search for meaningful connection in family. It is a chronicle of what it means to be a woman in our time. Mostly women will read this book but men should.
“Finding My Way” is scorching in its honesty, with no gloss but great clarity, and profoundly relevant to our lives today. Not by the way, it has been a long time since I read a book in one day. It is a gripping read.
Full disclosure: my path crossed with Robin’s, briefly, three decades ago. I was familiar with one or two pieces of her story but her struggles and triumphs were mostly unknown to me before I read her book. An airline stewardess mother, an absent and unknown father, and a grandmother who ran a brothel were the eccentric details of her growing-up years in Manhattan. As a girl with no money, she had a plan and an ambition that drove her to cadge a scholarship to an exclusive private school. She went on from there.
The through-line in the story is her dogged search for her father and, by extension, her identity, and the parallel battle with her mother, against her stonewalling and lies about who was her biological father. The tale reveals the author as determined, patient, and in charge of her righteous anger, but ultimately forgiving.
Along the way, Schepper’s story intersects with many contemporary topics: divorce, abandonment, rape and sexual abuse, abortion and women’s health care, discrimination and harassment in the workplace, substance abuse, failed romance, infidelity, adoption, and the search for meaningful connection in family. It is a chronicle of what it means to be a woman in our time. Mostly women will read this book but men should.
“Finding My Way” is scorching in its honesty, with no gloss but great clarity, and profoundly relevant to our lives today. Not by the way, it has been a long time since I read a book in one day. It is a gripping read.
April 23, 2023
What a fascinating life the author has led. Basically living on her own in NYC by the time she was 15, Schepper figured out how to make her own way, but always questioning the family history that was only parceled out in small portions, especially pertaining to her biological father.
I found her search for her true history to be the most interesting part. I wish she had included more of her grandmother’s story there appeared to be a lot of material to cover.
Schepper has accumulated a lot of experience and travel for a woman who fought to carve her own path in the world.
Thanks to Girl Friday Books, Edelweiss, and NetGalley for the digital copy.
I found her search for her true history to be the most interesting part. I wish she had included more of her grandmother’s story there appeared to be a lot of material to cover.
Schepper has accumulated a lot of experience and travel for a woman who fought to carve her own path in the world.
Thanks to Girl Friday Books, Edelweiss, and NetGalley for the digital copy.
November 6, 2023
Robins memoir is a fascination story capturing her life as a young girl in NYC, raised by a single mother and a loving grandmother, the struggles of her 20’s and trying to determine her path as an adult. Robins prose throughout the story makes you feel as if you’re sitting in the room and simply listening.
The passion, intense sense of adventure, and drive to build a life better for herself is a thoughtful reminder on the importance of saying yes to professional and personal opportunities, whiles others quickly say no.
You will likely read this captivating life story quickly, and find yourself wanting to learn even more. Enjoy!
The passion, intense sense of adventure, and drive to build a life better for herself is a thoughtful reminder on the importance of saying yes to professional and personal opportunities, whiles others quickly say no.
You will likely read this captivating life story quickly, and find yourself wanting to learn even more. Enjoy!
December 26, 2023
What happens when shame from one generation gets passed on to the next? We get words like "bastard" laid on innocent babes, and lots of lies as attempts to escape the shame.
Robin Schepper tells what it's like to be that baby, that child, that woman, whose origins are shrouded in lies, shame, and secrecy, and of the generational turmoil that can occur. Also, how to end the generational turmoil by finally knowing and accepting.
I found Finding My Way a fascinating read of someone determined to know herself, reveal her truth, and forge paths to connection and intimacy, even with those who actively kept her truth from her.
Robin Schepper tells what it's like to be that baby, that child, that woman, whose origins are shrouded in lies, shame, and secrecy, and of the generational turmoil that can occur. Also, how to end the generational turmoil by finally knowing and accepting.
I found Finding My Way a fascinating read of someone determined to know herself, reveal her truth, and forge paths to connection and intimacy, even with those who actively kept her truth from her.
July 1, 2023
Raw. Vulnerable. Courageous. I came away from this memoir with a renewed faith in our ability to not just overcome obstacles and challenges but to leverage them for positive change in our lives, whether it be an undiscovered passion, new friendships, a career change or relocation, or as simple as a vacation trip you might take, maybe even solo for a change. No one should ever feel stuck in a life they don’t want. Grab this book and find some inspiration from a young girl who became a woman who was never intimidated by what it would take to live the life of her dreams.
November 7, 2023
a young girls/woman's quest for a father, a family and the unspooling of family secrets.
A consequential tale of determination to unlock her family history and how, along the way found success, and ultimately a happy family of her own.
Her story of rising above a childhood as the daughter of a single mother in the 1960s NYC is one of remarkable resilience that ultimately lead her to the pinnacle of American politics.
A great story told excellently, I highly recommend it.
Thank you for your review.
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A consequential tale of determination to unlock her family history and how, along the way found success, and ultimately a happy family of her own.
Her story of rising above a childhood as the daughter of a single mother in the 1960s NYC is one of remarkable resilience that ultimately lead her to the pinnacle of American politics.
A great story told excellently, I highly recommend it.
Thank you for your review.
Edit
Delete
April 18, 2023
Robin's story is one of tough relationships, adventure, and family. Robin shares her worldly experiences of growing up and going through life as a daughter, a feminist, a partner, and a mother. Just when you think you know where her life's story might be going, there is another adventure around the corner. Robin has had an extraordinary life and I loved how this book brought you on her journey of understanding her roots as you think of your own.
December 13, 2023
Amazing life journey
This book is a great read. It takes you through a personal and political history at the same time. I learned alot about the backstage workings of political events. Robin's journey to find her biological father and familial love is insightful to everyone looking for the same. Through her history one also sees the sacrifices women have made to have careers and equal rights.
This book is a great read. It takes you through a personal and political history at the same time. I learned alot about the backstage workings of political events. Robin's journey to find her biological father and familial love is insightful to everyone looking for the same. Through her history one also sees the sacrifices women have made to have careers and equal rights.
December 20, 2023
I picked this for my Dec #nonfictionbookparty read. The theme was family. Although it was a memoir I felt the story was really about the author, her mother, and grandmother. Some parts of the book were hard to read. Trigger warning: abuse.
Besides the theme of family another theme of resilience and perseverance shown through. This author has accomplished so much in her life despite economic odds stacked against her.
Besides the theme of family another theme of resilience and perseverance shown through. This author has accomplished so much in her life despite economic odds stacked against her.
May 2, 2024
This was a very satisfying to read memoir that would probably be classified as a "Bildungsroman" if it were fiction. It was also in large part a mystery story that while resolved in the end still had a wide amount of wistfulness to it. Mostly it raised more questions about the author's mother and her mindset and the lifestyles and shifting morality of the 1960s that would also make for another equally interesting memoir.
April 18, 2023
Robin Schepper writes as if she is talking to one of her girlfriends with honesty and humor. Challenged from an early age to find her own way, she perseveres to create a life and family of her own making. Her memoir provides a road map on how to balance life, love and fun. She teaches us to be brave and to be candid as we craft our own narrative. I couldn’t put her book down.
September 27, 2023
4.5 stars. Succinctly written and a page turner, the author takes us on her life journey. I admire it. That being said, it felt incomplete, and perhaps it was because of the competition between the author and her mother - her mother "stealing the show" multiple times - and it would have felt more satisfying if something was written about that.
November 30, 2022
I am loving this book-a window into the life of an intrepid girl, growing up, practicing courage. The author writes as if she is five, when she is five, thirteen, when she is thirteen. You grow up alongside her.
April 18, 2023
Really enjoyed reading this memoir,I found the authors story engaging interesting enjoyed following her growing up and her sucess.#netgalley #girlfriday
May 5, 2023
Beautifully written and engaging memoir. The author’s honesty in sharing details of her life is both moving and inspiring. Highly recommend.
July 25, 2023
Thoroughly enjoyed this book, a quick and fascinating read. Also lucky enough to hear the author speak when she was on Bainbridge Island.
October 15, 2023
This was such an amazing story of love and loss and of a person trying to figure out her past while still forging towards her future. Definitely recommend.
July 19, 2024
Excellent, heartwarming story
July 7, 2025
I haven't been the best at listing reads this year, but I wanted to make sure I noted Robin's book. She also lives in Steamboat Springs and has a wonderful set of experiences to share.
June 20, 2023
My review has disclaimers.
Disclaimer #1 - I was briefly a professional colleague of, and reported to, Robin during her time in the US Senate, and at the 2000 Democratic Convention in Los Angeles. In the book, seven pages out of 268.
Disclaimer #2 - I’m fortunate to be enjoying a growing shelf of books authored by former professional colleagues… bosses, interns, acquaintances, I enjoy my collection of authors I know or knew once. (And I predict a Goodreads list may have just been born)
If not for these disclaimers, Finding My Way by Robin F. Schepper, is not a book I’d have otherwise picked up. And I’m thankful that ‘knowing’ the author sometimes helps me break past my typical reading guide rails to explore different directions.
Authors absolutely count on total strangers buying their book! Certainly every author’s greatest worry is that ONLY family and friends buy their book!!
What I’m trying to say is, my small acquaintance with Robin was a tiny sliver of the story of her life that she has to tell. And it is a wonderful story. A story filled with challenges, adventures, and extreme highs and lows.
And Robin knows the secret of creating a page turner that you can’t put down… that’s right, short chapters! While reading, I was always able to convince myself to read just one more chapter, and then just one more, and thus I tore through this book in days.
Anyway, for what it’s worth, I hope I can convince a few total strangers to Robin that they ought to check out her book. After all, I only knew her for seven pages more than you, and I still enjoyed every one of the other 261.
Disclaimer #1 - I was briefly a professional colleague of, and reported to, Robin during her time in the US Senate, and at the 2000 Democratic Convention in Los Angeles. In the book, seven pages out of 268.
Disclaimer #2 - I’m fortunate to be enjoying a growing shelf of books authored by former professional colleagues… bosses, interns, acquaintances, I enjoy my collection of authors I know or knew once. (And I predict a Goodreads list may have just been born)
If not for these disclaimers, Finding My Way by Robin F. Schepper, is not a book I’d have otherwise picked up. And I’m thankful that ‘knowing’ the author sometimes helps me break past my typical reading guide rails to explore different directions.
Authors absolutely count on total strangers buying their book! Certainly every author’s greatest worry is that ONLY family and friends buy their book!!
What I’m trying to say is, my small acquaintance with Robin was a tiny sliver of the story of her life that she has to tell. And it is a wonderful story. A story filled with challenges, adventures, and extreme highs and lows.
And Robin knows the secret of creating a page turner that you can’t put down… that’s right, short chapters! While reading, I was always able to convince myself to read just one more chapter, and then just one more, and thus I tore through this book in days.
Anyway, for what it’s worth, I hope I can convince a few total strangers to Robin that they ought to check out her book. After all, I only knew her for seven pages more than you, and I still enjoyed every one of the other 261.
November 15, 2023
Finding My Way is an excellent, well-paced memoir that sneaks up on you as it the story unfolds! Before you realize it, this strikingly honest, powerful, and engaging book will pull you in to Robin's life and leave you in a new state of mind. I was in turns shocked, sad, thrilled, awed, and inspired.
May 2, 2025
A strong person to live through all the dysfunctional family antics. Some parts are almost unbelievable. Many, many jobs and relationships for sure. In the final chapters she comes to terms with why she is who she is.
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