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Today I'm Alice: Nine Personalities, One Tortured Mind
When Alice was a teenager, strange things started happening to her. Hours of her life simply disappeared. She'd hear voices shouting at her, telling her she was useless. And the nightmares that had haunted her since early childhood, scenes of men abusing her, became more detailed . . . more real. Staring at herself in the mirror she'd catch her face changing, as if someone else was looking out through her eyes.
In this work she describes her journey from a teenage girl battling anorexia and OCD, drowning the voices with alcohol, to a young woman slipping further and further into mental illness. It was only after years lost in institutions that she was correctly diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. When her alternative personalities were revealed in therapy she discovered how each one had their own memories of abuse and a full picture of her childhood finally emerged. As she learned to live with her many 'alters', she set out to confront the man who had caused her unbearable pain.
Moving and ultimately inspiring, this is a gripping account of a rare condition, and the remarkable story of a courageous woman.
In this work she describes her journey from a teenage girl battling anorexia and OCD, drowning the voices with alcohol, to a young woman slipping further and further into mental illness. It was only after years lost in institutions that she was correctly diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. When her alternative personalities were revealed in therapy she discovered how each one had their own memories of abuse and a full picture of her childhood finally emerged. As she learned to live with her many 'alters', she set out to confront the man who had caused her unbearable pain.
Moving and ultimately inspiring, this is a gripping account of a rare condition, and the remarkable story of a courageous woman.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
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4343 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 131 reviews
January 12, 2010
Fascinating, powerful, horrifying.
It is truly horrifying that adults who should be caring for children can behave in such a despicable manner. It is similarly amazing how the body copes with such situations. Alice was able to separate herself from the horrors inflicted by her father by creating alternative personalities. This coping strategy, however, seems to be short term - as puberty begins the 'alters' start to come out of hiding and take over Alice's daily life. She suffers periods of blank time when she has no idea how she came to be in a certain place or why her arms are a mass of cuts, why she is holding a toy gun or is drunk and sleeping in a doorway.
The process of coming to terms with the abuse and attempting to integrate the alters so she can move on, is as painful as the original abuse itself. Even the physical pain recurs.
Some amazing people befriended Alice over the years, but by the same token, many people important to her have been taken away or even died. I felt for her throughout the book as she tackled one hurdle after another. It is surprising that she was able to work through the whole situation and finally put herself in a position to help others and live something resembling normal life.
This book is testament to her strong personality and desire to help others by telling her own painful story.
An eye-opener of a book that should encourage people to speak out more often when faced with traumatised children.
Thankyou Alice.
It is truly horrifying that adults who should be caring for children can behave in such a despicable manner. It is similarly amazing how the body copes with such situations. Alice was able to separate herself from the horrors inflicted by her father by creating alternative personalities. This coping strategy, however, seems to be short term - as puberty begins the 'alters' start to come out of hiding and take over Alice's daily life. She suffers periods of blank time when she has no idea how she came to be in a certain place or why her arms are a mass of cuts, why she is holding a toy gun or is drunk and sleeping in a doorway.
The process of coming to terms with the abuse and attempting to integrate the alters so she can move on, is as painful as the original abuse itself. Even the physical pain recurs.
Some amazing people befriended Alice over the years, but by the same token, many people important to her have been taken away or even died. I felt for her throughout the book as she tackled one hurdle after another. It is surprising that she was able to work through the whole situation and finally put herself in a position to help others and live something resembling normal life.
This book is testament to her strong personality and desire to help others by telling her own painful story.
An eye-opener of a book that should encourage people to speak out more often when faced with traumatised children.
Thankyou Alice.
April 25, 2018
THIS BOOK BROKE MY HEART.
It's so freaking brutal and it's such an important, eye-opening glimpse into this condition. No punches are pulled - this is raw and honest and filled with painful realities. Even all these years later, I still feel so incredibly sad for Alice when I think about this book. I can't say I loved reading it, but I did love the impact it made.
This is an honest account that will allow the reader to hopefully develop a greater understanding of what it means to be plagued by multiple personalities. It's fascinating, brutal and utterly devastating but absolutely worth reading.
It's so freaking brutal and it's such an important, eye-opening glimpse into this condition. No punches are pulled - this is raw and honest and filled with painful realities. Even all these years later, I still feel so incredibly sad for Alice when I think about this book. I can't say I loved reading it, but I did love the impact it made.
This is an honest account that will allow the reader to hopefully develop a greater understanding of what it means to be plagued by multiple personalities. It's fascinating, brutal and utterly devastating but absolutely worth reading.
May 17, 2011
Emotionally hard to read but it is worth it. Story of struggling to survive after Alice's trust was betrayed by her father in the most horrific ways.
Heroes and monsters are real.
Heroes and monsters are real.
April 19, 2016
I want to start this review by saying this is NOT for the faint-hearted. I love reading tragic memoirs, so it's safe to say I'm not so easily shocked by tragic events anymore. But with this book I was completly and absolutely shocked. There were times I had to put the book down - no matter how much I was enjoying it - and do something else to distract my mind of the horrific things described in it. If this book doen't touch your soul on some level, or if you're not moved by Jamieson's life story, I'm sorry to say you are not human.
Alice has Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and, in this book, she exposes her life shamelessly, providing explanations as to how and why she delevoped this illness. And her story will leave you to tears. Starting with the very beginning of her downfall - her father's constant sexual abuse. It is repulsive to think that sexual abuse happens all the time, but to think that someone would willingly do it to his daughter? His six-month-old daughter? Disgusting. It sickens me to the core. And the writing is so good that you almost feel what Alice was going through, what she was thinking... the confusion, the hopelessness. This is rather explicit. Jamieson's novel tells the story of how her childhood was taken from her and how the different personalities started to appear within her mind. (This is a very interesting read if you would like to know about MPD and how it manifests itself.)
But what astonished me the most was how she tried to lead a normal life despite the illness. And apparentely she did. She graduated high-school with excellent grades, went to college and finished her degree. All the while battling this enormous tragic secret. At some point, she lost control. But she got - and is getting - better which just show us how incredible resilient Alice is. A survivor. A true inspiration.
This is, by far, one of the best books I have ever read. Worth way beyond a 5 stars rating. I higly recommend it. Although, keep in mind this is not a light-reading book and it can become overwhelming at times. But it is so worth it in the end. Brilliant.
Alice has Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) and, in this book, she exposes her life shamelessly, providing explanations as to how and why she delevoped this illness. And her story will leave you to tears. Starting with the very beginning of her downfall - her father's constant sexual abuse. It is repulsive to think that sexual abuse happens all the time, but to think that someone would willingly do it to his daughter? His six-month-old daughter? Disgusting. It sickens me to the core. And the writing is so good that you almost feel what Alice was going through, what she was thinking... the confusion, the hopelessness. This is rather explicit. Jamieson's novel tells the story of how her childhood was taken from her and how the different personalities started to appear within her mind. (This is a very interesting read if you would like to know about MPD and how it manifests itself.)
But what astonished me the most was how she tried to lead a normal life despite the illness. And apparentely she did. She graduated high-school with excellent grades, went to college and finished her degree. All the while battling this enormous tragic secret. At some point, she lost control. But she got - and is getting - better which just show us how incredible resilient Alice is. A survivor. A true inspiration.
This is, by far, one of the best books I have ever read. Worth way beyond a 5 stars rating. I higly recommend it. Although, keep in mind this is not a light-reading book and it can become overwhelming at times. But it is so worth it in the end. Brilliant.
June 13, 2012
Well, I recommend this book for people who likes autobiographys and that have any problems with rape scenes. And pedophilia.
The book is really good, althought those thought scenes.
It opens our minds for the multiple personality disorder and for other problems like these.
You start to understand why is so hard to rape victms to talk about it. It's always there, hauting them.
In Alice's case, that suffered all existent kinds of abuse and got some of the worst consequences that it can bring, she's turned up pretty well for her own situation.
If you weren't agains asylums before, after you read this, you will be, because Alice suffers a lot on one. We also learn that we must have patience with disturbed people and that we can't forget that.
Alice tells her story really well and doesn't leave anything out, even her worst memories. It worths a lot reading.
The end was a bit disappointing for me. I mean, there's this nice part when she decides to not integrate her personalities, that would be her 'cure' to all her problems. She believes that her and her personalities are a team. Then, she starts to respect her personalities and the personalities start respecting her too, because they all are a part of the same history.
One thing that I didn't like was that her mate, the only man that she loves and was able to have a healthy sex life with (= no rapes), is older than her and could be her father. A total Oedipus complex and I didn't like it at all. Even the way that she figures out that she loves him isn't romantic.
Her personalities are nice (most of them). I really like Billy, he's cute.
The thing that I really hated and made the book lose one star, was that her father NEVER was punished for having abused her. NEVER.
I recommend it anyway.
The book is really good, althought those thought scenes.
It opens our minds for the multiple personality disorder and for other problems like these.
You start to understand why is so hard to rape victms to talk about it. It's always there, hauting them.
In Alice's case, that suffered all existent kinds of abuse and got some of the worst consequences that it can bring, she's turned up pretty well for her own situation.
If you weren't agains asylums before, after you read this, you will be, because Alice suffers a lot on one. We also learn that we must have patience with disturbed people and that we can't forget that.
Alice tells her story really well and doesn't leave anything out, even her worst memories. It worths a lot reading.
The end was a bit disappointing for me. I mean, there's this nice part when she decides to not integrate her personalities, that would be her 'cure' to all her problems. She believes that her and her personalities are a team. Then, she starts to respect her personalities and the personalities start respecting her too, because they all are a part of the same history.
One thing that I didn't like was that her mate, the only man that she loves and was able to have a healthy sex life with (= no rapes), is older than her and could be her father. A total Oedipus complex and I didn't like it at all. Even the way that she figures out that she loves him isn't romantic.
Her personalities are nice (most of them). I really like Billy, he's cute.
The thing that I really hated and made the book lose one star, was that her father NEVER was punished for having abused her. NEVER.
I recommend it anyway.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 13, 2012
What an amazing book.
The story of Alice is horrifying, what she had to go through in her youth is unbelievable.. you can't imagine how it must have been....unless you have been there yourself.
I have a lot of respect for this woman, how she tells her story after so many years.. with so many details. I work with teenagers with mental issues and one of them is a girl, 16 years old, who has been sexually abused by her father... and when I read this book I also thought of her and how her trust and love for her father was betrayed.
I believe paedophili is what straight, bisexual or gay is... a sexual orientation. It's what you are born with.... but that doesn't mean that you can express it like gay or straight people... abusing children is the lowest thing, for me, that an adult can do. Getting a rush of the power, it makes me sick... I don't understand why people who abused children walk around free after being in jail or being in therapy. Once a paedophil, always a paedophil....
The story of Alice is horrifying, what she had to go through in her youth is unbelievable.. you can't imagine how it must have been....unless you have been there yourself.
I have a lot of respect for this woman, how she tells her story after so many years.. with so many details. I work with teenagers with mental issues and one of them is a girl, 16 years old, who has been sexually abused by her father... and when I read this book I also thought of her and how her trust and love for her father was betrayed.
I believe paedophili is what straight, bisexual or gay is... a sexual orientation. It's what you are born with.... but that doesn't mean that you can express it like gay or straight people... abusing children is the lowest thing, for me, that an adult can do. Getting a rush of the power, it makes me sick... I don't understand why people who abused children walk around free after being in jail or being in therapy. Once a paedophil, always a paedophil....
September 2, 2010
This book is one of those which you'd expect to be a 'sob story' account of childhood incidents effecting the adult life of someone. However, instead it is written from a slightly objective point of view; exploring in depth the consequences and causes of the multiple mental health problems she suffers. The story leads the reader to admire Alice through its illustration of how clever and cultured Alice is in spite of her past and present troubles. At times it is graphic in scenes which make you physically recoil; but even here it is not a downside but a necessity to the story to give its outstanding impact. As can be seen, I was extremely impressed by this book. I cannot recall when I last came across one so well written and so inspiring.
March 4, 2017
É difícil ler este livro e ter a calma suficiente para não fazer julgamentos e críticas. A natureza humana é assustadora.
March 20, 2018
Warming: Contains Child abuse
The only thing that I fell to say is, Thanks Alice for sharing your story.
The only thing that I fell to say is, Thanks Alice for sharing your story.
September 26, 2021
incredibly upsetting and triggering read, please be careful when reading this. but a realistic, honest and insightful memoir of living with dissociative identity disorder.
May 9, 2010
Alice was sexually abused by her father and a circle of his pervert friends throughout childhood yet Alice was able to look away these memories for years inside her head with no memory of it. When she starts to remember later in her teens, at first she thinks they are dreams or some kind of madness. Then the voices start. Alice has locked each memory into the identity of another child as if it happened to them, not her and it leaves her with multiple personality disorder. What follows are mental breakdowns, suicide attempts, mental institutions and years of therapy to repair the damage.
Oh this was draining. Poor Alice really went through ten shades of hell in her young life with the abuse and then the mental illness. But reading this book was really difficult and emotionally draining. This book is not for the fainthearted.
Oh this was draining. Poor Alice really went through ten shades of hell in her young life with the abuse and then the mental illness. But reading this book was really difficult and emotionally draining. This book is not for the fainthearted.
February 1, 2012
This story is emotionally draining and a real struggle to read but it is worth sticking with. Not for the faint hearted, it is blunt and straight to the point and as it should be given the subjects. After struggling to read the first half I found it easier to finish the second half, I have had to put it down through fustration and tears several times but I do not regret the time I spent reading this one.
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November 25, 2019I'm reluctant to 'rate' this book, as it feels wrong attaching a rating to Alice's horrific account of her childhood abuse. I found it difficult to read in the sense that her experiences were very traumatising but I did read it quickly (perhaps because I was willing there to be a happy ending?!). This was a book club read, and it has reminded me why I don't generally read these sorts of books but the insight into her DID/MPD was interesting.
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February 12, 2020I've never read anything like this. What Alice went through was more than utterly horrific, I cannot put into words and I definitely don't think I can 'rate' this book!
Alice's life story is definitely not for the faint hearted, there were many times I had to put this book down and walk away as it was too much! The 2nd half of the book is an easier read than the first half but still so traumatic and devastating.
I'm glad I stuck with this book, I just have no words.....
Alice's life story is definitely not for the faint hearted, there were many times I had to put this book down and walk away as it was too much! The 2nd half of the book is an easier read than the first half but still so traumatic and devastating.
I'm glad I stuck with this book, I just have no words.....
June 22, 2021
Dit boek gaat over vrouw met een dissociatieve identiteitsstoornis. Alice is vanaf haar vroege jeugd misbruikt, door dit misbruik heeft zij verschillende alters. Ook hoort ze stemmen, is zij soms psychotisch en grijpt ze soms naar de drank en drugs.
Wat is dit een afschuwelijk verhaal. Dat er mensen zijn die dit meemaken, het zou niet moeten mogen! Dit boek was aangrijpend.
Alles rondom de diagnose is goed beschreven en uitgelegd. Je leert begrijpen hoe het werkt en het tot stand komt.
Sommige dingen van misbruik zijn tot het detail toe uitgeschreven, dit is heftig om te lezen en hier moet je tegen kunnen.
De schrijfstijl is goed te noemen, zeer duidelijk. En is dan ook zeker te lezen wanneer je niet bekend bent met deze stoornis.
Al met al is dit boek een interessant inkijkje in iemand zijn leven, iemand die helaas nare gebeurtenissen heeft doorstaan.
Wat is dit een afschuwelijk verhaal. Dat er mensen zijn die dit meemaken, het zou niet moeten mogen! Dit boek was aangrijpend.
Alles rondom de diagnose is goed beschreven en uitgelegd. Je leert begrijpen hoe het werkt en het tot stand komt.
Sommige dingen van misbruik zijn tot het detail toe uitgeschreven, dit is heftig om te lezen en hier moet je tegen kunnen.
De schrijfstijl is goed te noemen, zeer duidelijk. En is dan ook zeker te lezen wanneer je niet bekend bent met deze stoornis.
Al met al is dit boek een interessant inkijkje in iemand zijn leven, iemand die helaas nare gebeurtenissen heeft doorstaan.
July 12, 2019
erg ontroerend en indrukwekkend verhaal over Alice die als kind herhaaldelijk word verkracht door haar vader en daardoor meerdere persoonlijkheden kreeg. op latere leeftijd krijgt ze door dat de dromen die ze had echt waren en dat ze misbruikt is niet alleen door haar vader maar door meer mensen. ze doet er alles aan om te overleven maar dat is zwaar als je meerdere persoonlijkheden hebt en vooral als sommige stemmen je influisteren hoe slecht je bent en dat je maar beter dood kunt gaan. erg om te lezen hoe zwaar haar leven is. erg indrukwekkend maar vooral diep triest dat er mensen zijn die kinderen misbruiken en vooral als het hun eigen kind is.
December 15, 2023
I’ve read many of these autobiographical books where the writers have gone through extensive personal struggles. This is by far the worst and most horrific to read of all these books. The story and experiences of Alice are truly heartbreaking. Every now and then the book becomes exceptionally graphic. I would advise you not to read the book if you are fainthearted. Notwithstanding this the story intrigues you and you want continue to read and finish the book.
March 14, 2021
Prachtig geschreven autobiografie die het verhaal vertelt van een vrouw die langdurig seksueel is misbruikt door haar eigen vader. Om de traumatische ervaringen te verwerken, of eigenlijk juist niet te hoeven verwerken, heeft ze meerdere persoonlijkheden ontwikkeld. Hierdoor leek ze het misbruik niet zelf te zijn ondergaan, maar van een afstand te hebben gekeken. Het is hartverscheurend om te lezen hoe haar hele leven op zijn kop heeft gestaan door iets wat haar is overkomen. Iets wat haar is aangedaan.
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April 10, 2021Não sei que nota dar. Sinceramente triste demais essa história, pensei que no final pelo menos ela iria ter um final (mais) feliz.
November 20, 2011
I started this book several months ago, and made the almost fatal mistake of lending it to a friend. I could go on and on about my issues with lending books, but this isn't the place.
Today I'm Alice started promisingly, but had a long period of what I can only describe as 'blah'. The only part of the book I would have found 'shocking' and made the book worth it, I'd had spoiled to me months ago before I even read the book. So there wasn't a lot going for this book really.
It was very interesting, obviously, reading about a person who has not just two personalities, but nine, and having different personalities narrate different parts of the book was an interesting take as well, but on the whole, I found the book very dry. Considering I spent nearly a year looking for the book and almost that long again waiting for my friend to return it to me, it was not worth it.
Today I'm Alice started promisingly, but had a long period of what I can only describe as 'blah'. The only part of the book I would have found 'shocking' and made the book worth it, I'd had spoiled to me months ago before I even read the book. So there wasn't a lot going for this book really.
It was very interesting, obviously, reading about a person who has not just two personalities, but nine, and having different personalities narrate different parts of the book was an interesting take as well, but on the whole, I found the book very dry. Considering I spent nearly a year looking for the book and almost that long again waiting for my friend to return it to me, it was not worth it.
August 30, 2015
this book is insane. it's a detailed description of a terrible life story, it's awful that this actually happens to people. alice is brilliant at describing things to the reader, helping them understand as much as they can (as a person who can never truly understand as i have not been in her position, or anything like it) what she's been through. the book carries meaningful messages, and debates important issues.
i read this book because i'm studying it, along with a few others, for english literature as part of my coursework, but i'd recommend it to anyone who is interested in psychology or the study of mental health.
(be careful if you can be triggered though)
i read this book because i'm studying it, along with a few others, for english literature as part of my coursework, but i'd recommend it to anyone who is interested in psychology or the study of mental health.
(be careful if you can be triggered though)
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August 10, 2020ok, so apart from her actual experience she says she definitely went through, the father thing when she confronted him, EVERY other account of abuse was from a 'memory'. Memories that she visualised and even questioned herself as to their legitimacy but then said they were real..despite just being ideas that came to her. Colin Ross has a business of 'treating' DID/MPD. It is in any business persons interest to make their concept legit. MPD/DID may well exist, but so does the desire to invest in it being real.
An interesting read, not convinced though.
An interesting read, not convinced though.
February 17, 2016
This is a non-fiction book. Alice is a very intelligent person who was abused from being 6 months old by her father. In order to protect Alice, her psyche created different personalities . This book written with Clifford Thurlow, tells the story of her life and how these multiple personalities have affected her.
At this moment in time David Cameron is saying the Government are going to do more for the mentally ill. Having read this book all I can say is - not before time.
At this moment in time David Cameron is saying the Government are going to do more for the mentally ill. Having read this book all I can say is - not before time.
October 6, 2023
Ensnared in the clutches of drug addiction, under the weighted burden of insurmountable debt and manifesting behaviours that can only be described as aberrant. Serendipitously, this leads to an encounter with a man who, in a chivalrous act, comes to her aid. Yet, paradoxically by the abandonment of his own wife and kids. His motives, it would seem, orbit around the role of a gallant saviour - a notion that dances at the precipice of reasons edge.
November 30, 2012
Although traumatic and a genuinely horrific book, it deals with the fact people deal with multiple personalities. It takes a lot of stomach to read it but this is someone's life! You have to appreciate that
February 22, 2014
It is very hard to rate this book. It isn't a "great book" in the normal sense. A very raw account of living with MPD, a history of abuse that sickened me. MPD isn't a genetic disorder, the mind splits from reality to cope with the trauma. It is one of the most saddest books I have read.
April 4, 2015
A well written memoir about sexual abuse and mental health.
I would recommend this book to anyone supporting individuals that experienced chronic sexual abuse. DID protected Alice, so she shares her life to educate and encourage others.
I would recommend this book to anyone supporting individuals that experienced chronic sexual abuse. DID protected Alice, so she shares her life to educate and encourage others.
January 17, 2024
This was absolutely heartbreaking from beginning to end and it's horrible to know that there are truly people who could consider hurting a child in the worst possible ways and completely destroy their sense of self.
September 24, 2013
One of the most awful true story I've read, but Alice deserves endless admiration for fighting such an tortuous life.
June 23, 2015
Afschuwelijk, aangrijpend en angstaanjagend... *er stil van is*
Displaying 1 - 30 of 131 reviews