Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love

by Xinran

An extraordinarily powerful follow-up to her bestselling The Good Women of China -- heartbreaking, shocking stories, including Xinran's own experience, of Chinese mothers who have lost or had to abandon their daughters and are still searching.

Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother is made up of the stories of Chinese mothers whose daughters have been wrenched from them, and also brings us the voices of some adoptive mothers from different parts of the world. These are stories which Xinran could not bring herself to tell previously -- because they were too painful and close to home. In the footsteps of Xinran's Good Women of China , this is personal, immediate, full of harrowing, tragic detail but also uplifting, tender moments.

Ten chapters, ten women and many stories of heartbreak, including her Xinran once again takes us right into the lives of Chinese women -- students, successful business women, midwives, peasants, all with memories which have stained their lives. Whether as a consequence of the single-child policy, destructive age-old traditions or hideous economic necessity... these women had to give up their daughters for adoption, others were forced to abandon them -- on city streets, outside hospitals, orphanages or on station platforms -- and others even had to watch their baby daughters being taken away at birth, and drowned. Here are the 'extra-birth guerrillas' who travel the roads and the railways, evading the system, trying to hold onto more than one baby; naive young student girls who have made life-wrecking mistakes; the 'pebble mother' on the banks of the Yangzte still looking into the depths for her stolen daughter; peasant women rejected by their families because they can't produce a male heir; and finally there is Little Snow, the orphaned baby fostered by Xinran but 'confiscated' by the state.

The book sends a heartrending message from their birth mothers to all those Chinese girls who have been adopted overseas (at the end of 2006 there were over 120,000 registered adoptive families for Chinese orphans, almost all girls, in 27 countries), to show them how things really were for their mothers, and to tell them they were loved and will never be forgotten.

Genres: Nonfiction, China, Adoption, Asia, History, Biography, Memoir

224 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2010

About the author

Xue Xinran, who usually writes as simply "Xinran", was a radio broadcaster in China before moving to Great Britain and beginning to publish books. She currently writes as a columnist.

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the back story to all those little Chinese girls people from the West adopt. It's heartbreaking to see that the Chinese government with its policies on land grants and extra food distribution - on the birth of a boy child only - together with the one-child policy have set the scene for the murder of new-born baby girls, which is expected and never prosecuted. Those who can't bear to 'do' (as the euphemism goes) their daughters, or pay the midwife to 'do' them, abandon them. As the orphanages have become an important business resource for the Chinese, selling the little girls to Westerners, there is less need to murder them and that in a very small way is a good but unbelievably sad thing.

China has to be the most corrupt government in the entire world to sanction the murder of babies. Beats even Yemen where they repealed the relatively new law not allowing 9 year girls to be sold married off after I Am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced came out in favour of a minimum age of 17. The law was repealed because there were big protests saying the law was unIslamic - Mohammed married a 9 year old girl - and the law now is that it is for the parents father to decide when his daughter should be married. Here are some pretty pics of little girls who should be in primary school married to men their father's or grandfather's age. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/artic...

The last story in the book is a very sad one but gives no hope for the future at all. The author makes the aquaintance of an internationally-travelling executive high up in the Chinese Adoption Services. She and her husband gave up their baby girl because she didn't have time to look after it and keep her executive job and they didn't for some reason want a nanny. She was wracked with guilt, as she should be, giving excuses of a better life for the child being adopted abroad, but it was hard to feel any sympathy for her. It just seems that girls aren't worth making sacrifices for.

The book ends on a very sad and cynical note. It is with a document, the law and all its clauses pertaining to adoption in China. The lip service given to the protection of girl babies is somehow even worse than acknowledging that it's perfectly fine to murder or abandon these infants. If a problem isn't acknowledged then no solution is possible because one just isn't seen as needed, or worse, any suggestions might be punished as they suggest that the law, the State, is imperfect.

The single baby system is officially at an end. Not because the world is looking aghast at all this state-sponsored murder but because there are too many males without women roaming in marauding posses in some areas, kidnapping girls, wives even, in others and in general bringing the kind of social difficulties that young lads often do, but made worse without even the possibility of sex, young love and marriage for many of them. The other factor is that China is an ageing population - as technology keeps more alive for longer, someone has to work to pay for the care of old people, not just the pensions, but the housing and the medical care. Hence more young people to pay taxes are necessary. But still, so many thousands of years of desiring boys and of girls being the booby prize, that isn't likely to go any time soon.

I read the book in sadness and in anger. The war isn't between the races, political systems, the various military battles over land, it is between men and women. As long as men make laws that control how women should live their lives and their bodies and where there is an obvious devaluation of women compared to men, then that is the war all good people, men and women, should be standing up to fight. We are different from each other but each life is equal and that should be enshrined in every law, rule and religious precept in the entire world, otherwise it is just domination by the strong on those who have been kept weak.

This review is all over the place because it wasn't written in any order and the paragraphs were just ported around a bit willy-nilly, which is how I feel about the book along with my confusion, sadness, anger and sympathy for the mothers, the babies and the poor fathers who never even considered the special love an adoring daughter has for her Daddy.

[Larry Bassett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have an adopted Chinese daughter. We call her Mei Mei which means little sister in Mandarin. I think about her birth parents regularly and imagine that they must think about her as well. In the orphanage she was called Fu Ping. She was born in Aksu, Xinjiang, China but she is pretty much an American child now at the age of nine. She came to us from China at the age of 3½ underweight, speaking no English, shy, and eating every morsel of food on her plate down to the last grain of rice. From her immersion in the American culture, she quickly picked up English, became more outgoing, and learned that there was always going to be a next meal. We are still dealing with issues related to her cleft palate but she is doing well. She inherited an energetic spirit and an inquiring mind from her birth parents.

Since she has been a part of our life, I have taken a special interest in books about China. I had heard about this book some time ago with the negative comment that Xinran’s writing is somewhat melodramatic. But you can decide that for yourself. Google Books includes the first seventeen pages of the book: http://books.google.com/books/about/M...

Many of the stories in this book are heartbreaking as well as gruesome. This is a book with some unhappy endings.

She looked at the bowl of water the midwife had prepared for her before the birth. This was the Killing Trouble water for drowning the girl baby in. For a boy, the bowl for washing the baby was called the Watering the Roots bath. She knew it was her duty to end her daughter’s life by drowning her in the bowl, and this is what she did.

I wonder how a mother could kill her own daughter. I have never heard of the father doing it but sometimes it is the midwife or a person other than the mother. In this book you will meet mothers who have done just that, the unbelievable, and then gone on with their lives. You will hear their stories in their own words.

Homicide, of course, is not the only way that this “trouble” of having girls instead of boys is solved. Newborns are abandoned and are placed in orphanages and may eventually be adopted, many internationally including in the U.S. However, many never leave orphanages until they reach adulthood. More recently once it became possible to determine the sex of a child in utero, those with the economic ability and access to medical procedures (mostly women in urban areas) make that determination and abort girls. This does not happen in rural areas where women have no money and no medical care. The one child policy is predominantly enforced in urban areas but there is still a very strong tradition in the countryside of wanting the first living child to be a boy. Once a rural woman has a boy, she may well go on to have one or more additional pregnancies with girls being acceptable.

I am reading another book at the same time I am reading this one: The Girls Who Went Away . Both of these books are about women who have been separated from their babies right after birth. Reading these two books is an emotional experience for me. Not only do I have an adopted Chinese daughter but I was a teenager when my first son was born.

“I think any woman who’s had a child knows the depth of feeling she has for that child, and can imagine the pain you would go through if you lost that child.” This is a sentence from The Girls Who Went Away . It is easy to hear these same words coming from a Chinese mother who has abandoned a child. The stories of the mothers in both books have much in common.

I remember during the War in Vietnam the highest ranking U.S. military officer, General William Westmoreland said, ''The Oriental doesn't put the same high price on life as does a Westerner. Life is plentiful. Life is cheap in the Orient." In Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother a young Chinese woman working in the adoption field in China expresses a similar belief.

Mother love is supposed to be such a great thing, but so many babies are abandoned and it’s their mothers who do it, isn’t it? They’re ignorant. They feel differently about emotions from the way you do. Where I come from, people talk about smothering a girl baby or just throwing it into the stream on the edge of the village to be eaten by dogs, as if it were a joke.

Earlier I mentioned that I had heard one criticism from someone in the Chinese adoption world that Xinran’s writing is too melodramatic. I think that she is very emotionally invested in the topic based on her own life and experience and she explains that in the book. Her melodrama belongs in this book because she is appealing to your heart. She reached my heart, my heart that understands a bit more about my Chinese daughter. I hope she will read this book when she is older.

I urge anyone involved with international adoptions from China to read this book and to check out the several other books Xinran has written about Chinese women. I give the book a well deserved five stars for its content and style.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Es ist fürchterlich! Was da in China aufgrund der unsäglichen Verknüpfung von alten patriarchalischen Strukturen und der 1-Kind-Politik in den letzten Jahrzehnten im Detail gegen weibliche Babys abgegangen ist, haben wir hier in Europa möglicherweise geahnt, wir haben uns selten genauer damit beschäftigt und es sicher nicht im Detail gewusst. Diese Reportage ist derart ungeheuerlich und brutal, dass einem die Spucke wegbleibt und sich das Würgen einstellt.

Ein sehr wichtiges Werk, das ich überhaupt nicht bereue, gelesen zu haben und das mir die Augen geöffnet hat. Ich möchte es Euch wirklich dringend ans Herz legen, denn diese Fakten zu wissen, ist einfach sehr wichtig, da ein Genozid an weiblichen Babys erst vor Kurzem strukturell geplant in großem Stil passiert ist und in den ländlichen Gebieten Chinas noch immer tagtäglich stattfindet.

Im Rahmen meiner A-Z Autorinnenchallenge (Details dazu hier) bin ich beim Buchstaben X im Nachnamen zwangsläufig über die chinesische Radiomoderatorin und Journalistin Xinran Xue gestolpert und ich freue mich sehr, dass ich sie entdeckt habe.

Das Buch ist in Form einer Reportage über die Zustände in China angelegt, die sehr persönlich gehalten wird, da Xinran von Schicksalen der Mütter und aus ihrer eigener Sicht ihres Involvements die Lebensgeschichten der Frauen und die der Babys schildert. Schon die erste Szene beschreibt, was hier abgeht. Xinran ist im Rahmen der Recherche in ländlichen Gebieten Chinas eingeladen, und eine Frau liegt bei ihren Gastgebern in den Wehen. Plötzlich wird es ganz still, die Stimmung kippt, alle tun so, als ob kein Kind geboren wurde und gar nichts passiert sei. In einem Kübel im Geburtszimmer sieht sie das noch zuckende Bein eines Babys, weggeworfen wie Müll. Sie versucht, das Mädchen zu retten, wird aber von ihren Gastgebern daran gehindert. Nach dieser Erfahrung recherchiert sie weiter und deckt Fürchterliches auf. Auf dem Land werden weibliche Babys sofort bei der Geburt umgebracht, denn in den alteingeführten patriarchalischen Gesellschaftsstrukturen Chinas zählt sowieso nur der Sohn und durch die verordnete 1-Kind-Politik werden die Mädchen von Hebammen und ihren eigenen Verwandten – Müttern, Vätern, bzw. Schwiegereltern – so lange getötet, respektive sofort nach der Geburt erstickt, bis sich dieser gewünschte männliche Erbe auch einstellt.

Aber auch andere Strategien von Eltern werden recherchiert und in einzelnen Schicksalen dargestellt. Manche Mütter behalten ihre Töchter so lange, bis sie wieder schwanger werden und setzen sie dann aus. Das natürlich so lange und auch so oft, bis der ersehnte Sohn produziert wird. In weiteren Stories wird dann die systematische Adoption eigentlich ja der Verkauf von chinesischen Mädchen an Adoptiveltern im Ausland geschildert und wie sich dieser Usus quasi staatlich unterstützt zuerst im städtischen und dann im ländlichen Raum durchgesetzt hat. Dabei werden fast alle Regeln des Haager Übereinkommens zum Schutz von Kindern verletzt, vor allem gibt es nicht mal Aufzeichnungen, wer die Kinder überhaupt sind (alles wird weggeworfen). Die Zustände in den Waisenhäusern sind derart unmenschlich, kriminell, eigentlich nur um eine Nuance besser als die Tötung der Mädchen. So wird Schicksal für Schicksal aufgerollt und zu einer Gesamtreportage, einem Bild zusammengestellt.

Wie gesagt dies alles ist im Stil der persönlichen Lebensgeschichten und herzzerreißenden Schicksale von Müttern und nicht sachlich dargelegt. Dieser Stil gibt zwar inhaltlich durch die Wahl der Beispiele auch ein ausreichend breites Bild der Zustände in China, ist aber von der Tonalität natürlich sehr persönlich und emotional angelegt. Manchmal hat mir für die Rezeption der Stories dann ein bisschen die neutrale sachliche journalistische Klammer und die Hintergrundinfo bezüglich der rechtlichen, ökonomischen, demografischen, gesellschaftlichen Fakten gefehlt, die leider erst auf Seite 259 eingeführt werden, obwohl sie eigentlich schon zu Beginn auf der ersten Seite von mir benötigt worden wären. Hier sollte die die Struktur des Werkes umgedreht und die Hintergrundinfos am Ende des Buches als journalistische sachliche Einführung in das Thema von der Autorin zu Beginn installiert werden. Dann kann man auch die Geschichten nicht nur fühlen, sondern von Anfang an besser verstehen.

Bei der Übersetzung gibt es einige strukturelle Fehler, einmal wurden Monate mit Jahren verwechselt und öfter wurde immer dieselbe Formulierung verwendet, anstatt Synonyme einzuführen. Diese Redundanzen nerven und stören natürlich, wenn man das Buch auf Deutsch oder Englisch liest. Gut fand ich jedoch, dass der Übersetzer auf diese Schwächen in den Anmerkungen einging, dass das im Chinesischen offensichtlich etwas schwierig umzusetzen ist, und sich prophylaktisch dafür entschuldigt. Auch glaube ich, dass sich das im Laufe der Zeit etwas verändern wird, wenn mehr Bücher aus dem Chinesischen übersetzt werden und die Verlage damit mehr Erfahrungen bekommen.

Fazit: Eine extrem wichtige, erschütternde, packende Reportage, die ich allen sehr ans Herz lege. Wir alle sollten wissen, mit welchen Mitteln die wirtschaftliche Turboentwicklung Chinas auf dem Rücken von Mädchen erkauft worden ist. Auch gibt das Buch einen guten Blick darauf, mit welchen Strategien Entwicklung und Überbevölkerung NICHT in den Griff zu bekommen sein sollte. Eine derartige Denkweise ist nicht nur unmenschlich grausam, sondern auch langfristig für die demografische Entwicklung eines Landes totaler MUMPITZ! Auf jeden Fall macht dieses Werk wütend und traurig, aber mündige Menschen mit Herz, Sinn und Verstand müssen da durch und genau hinsehen, auch wenn es bis in die Knochen wehtut und sich dieser Genozid sehr weit weg im Osten ereignet hat bzw. noch immer ereignet.

[Semjon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Es fällt sehr schwer, dieses Buch zu rezensieren. Ich habe das Gefühl, dass meine Worte gleich eher eine Abrechnung als ein Review werden. Nachdem ich es gerade beendet habe, las ich mir einige andere Rezension durch, um Anregungen zu bekommen. Die anderen Leser/innen erzählen, wie sehr sie dieses Buch zu Tränen gerührt hat. Das kann ich von mir nicht behaupten, denn scheiße NEIN, ich hab hier keine Rührung verspürt, sondern eine Stinkwut, eine Abneigung, einen Ekel und vielleicht noch eine Verzweifelung, was auf dieser Welt alles möglich ist.

In diesem Sachbuch hat die ehemalige Radiomoderatorin 10 Geschichten zusammengetragen von chinesischen Müttern und/oder zur Adoption gegebenen Mädchen, die verdeutlichen sollen, was für ein Elend viele Frauen und Mädchen in diesem Land erleben mussten und immer noch müssen. Ein Land, dessen Menschen zu keinem unterentwickelten Indianerstamm im tropischen Regenwald gehören, deren Sitten uns fremd sind, sondern ein Land, welches schon seit 4000 Jahren zur Hochkultur auf der Erde zählt. Wir lernen aus den Geschichten, dass Mädchen nicht als Kinder erachtet werden, wenn sie auf die Welt kommen und solange entsorgt werden, bis endlich der ersehnte Stammhalter das versmogte Licht der Erde erblickt. Es ist kaum zu ertragen, wenn Hebammen berichten, dass sie das noch lebende Neugeborene im Mülleimer entsorgen, während die Verwandtschaft, die um das Bett der Wöchnerin stand, mit traurig gesenktem Haupt das Zimmer verlässt. Solche Informationen sind uns im Groben ja nicht neu. In Indien ist es genauso schlimm. Mittlerweile werden die Bräute aus Vietnam importiert, da aufgrund der Ein-Kind-Politik nicht mehr genug Frauen für die strammen Chinaburschen mehr da sind.

Aber die aktuelle chinesische Familienpolitik ist nicht der alleinige Grund für diese Greultaten. Das wird auch aus dem Buch klar. Gerade in den ländlichen Regionen hat dieses Patriarchatsdenken eine jahrhundertealte Tradition. Die Familie braucht einen Jungen, sonst kann sie nicht überleben. Klar, kann man sagen, ist halt eine andere Kultur. Andere Länder, andere Sitten. Aber dieses lapidare Zurtagesordnung gehen, fällt extrem schwer, gerade wenn man selbst Kinder hat, sich noch gut erinnern kann, was da für Gefühle in einem hochkommen, wenn man das neu geborene Leben in der Hand hält. Was für eine Sitte soll das sein, dass man so ein Kind gleich ins Waisenhaus gibt oder sogar tötet? In der letzten Geschichte erzählt eine Betroffene Mutter, dass „Chinesinnen die selbstlosesten Frauen der Welt sind. Sie würden alles für ihren Mann tun, Schmerzen erdulden, Blut und Tränen vergießen, um für das Wohlergehen ihrer Liebsten zu sorgen!“ Ja, da fällt mir echt das eBook aus der Hand. Schon klar, das Wohlergehen ihrer Liebsten. Ich fasse es nicht.

Jetzt stelle ich mir die Frage: was mache ich nun nach der Lektüre dieses Sachbuchs mit den erhaltenen Informationen? Spenden für einen chinesisches Waisenhaus in einem Land, dass sich zu der kommenden ökonomischen Weltmacht zählen will? Beim nächsten Besuch beim Chinesen eine freundliches Gespräch mit der Kellnerin über die Familienpolitik ihres Landes beginnen? Oder einfach nur dankbar sein, dass ich nicht in diesem Kulturkreis aufgewachsen bin? Manche Sachen will ich in dieser Detailtiefe gar nicht wissen. Daher bin ich gerade recht ratlos und wütend.

Dem Buch habe ich 3 Sterne gegeben, weil es ein wichtiges Buch ist und eigentliche auch ein gutes Buch. Es leidet allerdings an der Erzähltechnik und -Stil der Autorin, wobei der Übersetzer das auch damit erklärt, dass sich Emotionen, wie wir sie in Europa kennen, nicht so sehr im Mandarin wiederfinden und er versucht hat, dass quasi sinngemäß emotional zu übersetzen. Und da ist er schon wieder, der große kulturelle Unterschied. Ich hätte mir gewünscht, dass die Autorin mehr auf die soziologischen Zusammenhänge eingeht und weniger oft die Lebensgeschichten der Einzelnen sachlich wiedergibt. Aus diesem Grund fiel es mir schwer, das Buch zügig zu lesen.

Zum Abschluss noch einen extra großen Rüffel an den Droemer Verlag. Sind eure Coverzeichner eigentlich voll auf Drogen? Oder seid ihr so verkaufsgeil, dass gnadenlos jedes Buch eine ziel- und vor allem kaufgruppengerechte Verpackung bekommen muss? Hier geht es um eine ganz traurige Angelegenheit, ein dunkles Kapitel unserer Menschheitsgeschichte, was die englischen Verlagshäuser dazu bewegte, ein einsames Kleinkind in einer versmogten Strassenschlucht in China zu fotografieren. Ein deprimierendes Bild passend zum traurigen Originaltitel. Und ihr nennt das Buch Wolkenkinder, ein Buchtitel wie von einer Romanze von Armentrout, pinselt das ganze in quietschvergnügtes Sonnengelb, dazu noch ein paar liebliche Schwälbchen und ganz wichtig für den deutschen Markt (damit man auch merkt, dass es um Asien geht), der klischeehaft blühende Zierkirschenzweig. Echt, ganz große Arbeit, toll, wie da Inhalt und Verpackung aufeinander abgestimmt wurden.

[Jeanette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Xinran is that rare, rare non-fiction writer that puts you completely into her interview conversations, as if you were standing next to her or sitting beside sucking up the bowl of noodles one at a time, just as she is. And listening.

Not only with accurate dialog but with each figment of emotional or locational context to that exact interview. And in doing so she imbeds you within the cultural and societal diameters of all consequence and onus. She is a gifted writer with an incredible background, perfectly fitted to relate this book's report from the place where it occurs.

The book itself and the women's stories! You read heart-wrenching and sob experience reports on GR's all the time. For me, this one was the first this year that actually was. I had to leave it and return because it was so heavy, too heavy, for me to take it in within a day or two. It is not long, nor is it difficult English- it is just the factor of "that's the way it is" which is stomach turning. Not that there are lack of such slop buckets on other continents. But that little girl making the orchid hand movement in the train station; it is just such a terrible and ignorant waste. Which also continues to foster such voids of sorrow within Mother's hearts for their lost and destroyed daughters until their own deaths.

Coming from a culture that is also patriarchal and undervalues female births, and not only because of the agrarian strengths needed by males(Sicilian), some experiences of my early life could parallel Xinran's of not feeling "of a piece" to her peers or generation in the U.S.A. That also touched me, because that is the first time I've felt that parody outside of immigrants I have meet in Chicago that are my age.

The girls who have found adopted parents are far luckier, even in searching and wondering, than their used and forgotten mothers are. These biological parental stories (Dads too, some of them) are worthy to be heard.

[Zi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Xinran has given myself and all others adopted from China such an incredible gift by writing this book. Before reading this book, I had a very different-and angry-way of viewing my traumatic situation. Her heartwrenching stories about the Chinese mothers' situation has changed everything for me. Each time Xinran told a story about a Chinese mother I would think, this could be MY birth mother. She painted a mental portrait in my mind of a woman who brought me into the world, and a woman who, though it shatters my heart to admit, I will never be able to know. She gave me such an incredible gift by writing this book, and I will be forever grateful.

[Maria João (A Biblioteca da João) · Rating 5 out of 5]

9 de 10*

Aviso: este livro vai incomodar o leitor. Muito!
Apelo: leiam-no!
Não tenho qualquer dúvida que a literatura é um dos veículos essenciais na divulgação de realidades distantes a que importa dar conhecimento.

Comentário completo em:
https://abibliotecadajoao.blogspot.co...

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow - this book hits hard.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm having a hard time quite knowing how to rate this book, it was a hard book to read in a lot of ways. I'm a mother of three beautiful China dolls and for that reason I read this book. I wanted to be able to understand and be able answer the questions I know will come up some day. Although I had some idea why these beautiful girls were and are abandoned, this book gave me a better idea AND coming from Chinese women's perspective helped even more. Someday when my girls are ready and wanting to know I'll read this book with them, even if they are older so we can understand and cry together. I will always be so grateful for my girls birth mothers for deciding to give them life, they are truly my treasures!

[LaCitty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Xinran, giornalista cinese espatriata a Londra, racconta le storie di bambine mai nate, bambine abbandonate, donne costrette a "sistemare" le proprie figlie primogenite in osservanza della tradizione contadina secondo cui il primo figlio deve essere maschio per poter onorare gli antenati e essere di sostegno economico alla famiglia.
È un libro doloroso, in cui si succedono le testimonianze delle madri, dei padri, delle levatrici, delle addette agli orfanotrofi. Uno spaccato terribile e raccapricciante delle conseguenze che queste azioni hanno sulle donne in particolare e sulle famiglie in generale, peggiorate dalla politica del figlio unico imposta dalla legge cinese.
Da leggere a piccole dosi.

[Antje · Rating 3 out of 5]

Es fällt mir schwer, eine angemessene Einschätzung zu hinterlassen. Dass Xinran den Weg in die Öffentlichkeit sucht, ist notwendig. Nur wünschte ich mir auch einen Weg, alle chinesischen Frauen wachzurütteln und sich gegen dieses unmenschliche Mädchen- und Frauenbild zu erheben. Wie ist es möglich auch Frauen in den letzten Winkeln dieses riesigen Landes zu erreichen, aufzurütteln, sie aufzuklären, sie vom Analphabetentum zu befreien und ihnen einen neuen Weg aufzuzeigen? Es scheint so hoffnungslos.

Ich kann es noch dutzende Male lesen und mir in Reportagen ansehen, ich kann es nicht nachvollziehen, dass Mädchen nach der Geburt getötet oder ausgesetzt werden, ohne den Weitblick zu haben, wer eine Generation später die hochgeschätzten Söhne auf die Welt bringen soll. Dieses uralt eingesessene Denken, die Folgen der Ein-Kind-Politik ziehen einen kriminellen Sündenpfuhl nach sich, der seinesgleichen sucht. Den durch diesen Irrsinn hervorgerufenen millionenschweren Männerüberschuss gleicht man einfach mit Frauenraub, Sklavenhandel und erzwungener Prostitution aus. An die Mädchen und Frauen ohne Identität wegadoptiert in andere Länder oder ohne Geburtsurkunde in ihrem eigenen Land als Phantom chancenlos dahinvegetierend, gar nicht zu denken. - Es krampft mir als Frau und Mensch den Magen und das Herz zusammen.

Dennoch hätte ich mir von Xinran mehr Distanz im Verfassen ihres Buches gewünscht. Offenbar ist ihre eigene Betroffenheit derart groß, dass sie einen sachlicheren Ton nur schwer findet, was meines Erachtens dieser Sammlung an Lebensgeschichten gutgetan hätte und sie vielleicht dadurch einer breiteren Masse an Lesern zugänglich gemacht werden könnte.

[Anika · Rating 3 out of 5]

This isn't an easy read due to its topic. It's a collection of ten different fates, united by the Chinese law and tradition concerning on "how to deal" with female offspring. In a nutshell: a fatal combination of China's one-child-policy, a patriarchal system, a more or less non-existent sex ed system and old beliefs result in the killing of female babies or, if they're "lucky", abandoning then on their own and/or giving them away to an orphanage (which still isn't a safe fate, since most of them, at least those described in the book, are barely equipped to accommodate babies).

The stories mostly center about women who had to give their babies away (or murder them) due to the reasons mentioned above - especially in the very poor, rural areas of China this seems to be common practice, since women are accepted as wife only if they bear a son. Or, in some areas, killing a (more or less worthless) baby girl is believed to prevent a natural disaster. The book tells the grievings and longing of these mothers, as well as the stories of some of those daughters who survived and where lucky enough to find a new home within a (mostly Western) family who adopted them. The questions of why their mothers gave them away and coming to terms with one's identity is another central question of this book.

The topic is gruesome, the fates of these mothers and their babies are haunting, and I can't even begin to understand how such terrible customs can still exist in these days and times. Reading this opened my eyes for sure - it made me feel helpless and angry. It's an emotional read, but it's not over-emotional. The author's ever so slight distance (whether it's because of cultural speaking/writing boundaries or the translation) gave those stories the realistic shade they needed, yet the emotions of the mothers and daughters shone through well enough.

All I can say is: If you're seriously considering adoption, please read this book.

[Sophie VersTand · Rating 3 out of 5]

Xinran schildert in ihrem Buch 10 Schicksale von Frauen, die aufgrund der 1-Kind-Politik in China ihre Tochter weggeben mussten/töteten oder selbst zu diesen verlorenen Töchtern zählten.
Die Vielfältigkeit der verschiedenen Erfahrungen hat mich sehr schockiert. Eine Gesellschaft, in der Frauen als deutlich minderwertiger betrachtet werden als Männer, ist einfach grauenvoll.
Dank des Unwissens über Genetik in gewissen Landesteilen werden die Frauen [vor allem in ländlichen Regionen] dann verstoßen, wenn sie keinen wertvollen Sohn gebähren. So etwas menschenverachtendes.
Mitunter hat man leider das Gefühl, dass die Autorin sich unsagbar distanziert und manches gar nicht auszusprechen wagt. Ich möchte keine Horror-Splatter-Geschichten lesen, aber es verbirgt sich viel hinter Andeutungen und diese Distanz beim Erzählen erscheint mir fragwürdig.
Gefühlt wird in jedem [2.] Text gleich die Werbekeule für ihre großartige Organisation "The Mothers' Bridge of Love" geschwungen - etwas störend.
Ansonsten ein sehr krasser Einblick hinter Chinas Gesellschaft und welche unwürdigen Auswirkungen einzeln politisch-ausgefeilten Beschlüsse haben können, um ein Volk zu 'optimieren'.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a devoted reader of Xinran's books, beginning with The Good Women of China, which transformed the world view of anyone who read it and who cared at all about the world's biggest country. Her writing lays out clearly the realities of modern China and helps you understand what that country is about by speaking openly of topics that virtually every other writer keeps taboo. In doing so, Xinran both brings China closer and makes it seem more strange. For example, anyone can understand the heartbreak of a mother forced to give up a child to adoption because of extreme poverty. But a country that puts out a bowl of water for a just-delivered mother to drown her (female) baby in, or to wash her (male) baby clean? That seems horrifying and strange -- even when you know the reasons, clearly explained by Xinran for the first time in this book. It's not just the 'one child' law put in place by the Communists in a failed effort to limit the population. It's not just the poverty, and it's not just that in a farming community you need sons to help with the farming. And it's not just an ancient patriarchal prejudice. It's also that for thousands of years China has had a land inheritance system that favors sons -- their allotment of land from the government is twice as big, and can be inherited -- over daughters. As a result, if you're a rural family on the brink of poverty, the birth of a daughter means that you'll lose the small allotment of land that you depend on for food, and thus run a very real risk of starvation.
This is a heartbreaking book, and one that reveals the realities of today's China like few other books do.

[Phuong · Rating 2 out of 5]

Il libro è una sorta di inchiesta sul fenomeno diffuso dell'abbandono delle figlie femmine da parte delle famiglie cinesi, una 'sorta' perche' e' molto incentrato sul carattere sentimentale di tale fenomeno (il titolo in inglese e' "Message from an unknown Chinese mothers: stories of loss and love"), in cui e' assente qualsiasi aspetto di ricerca scientifica: sono vari racconti in cui l'autrice espone alcune vicende realmente avvenute di cui e' stata testimone in prima persona. Per quanto possa essere interessante rendersi conto delle realta' sociali di un paese cosi' diverso dal nostro, cosa che Xinran riesce a trasmettere abbastanza bene, la dedizione ad un unico tema e l'ossessione dell'autrice per il rapporto madre-figlia, mi ha fatto pesare molto questa lettura. E' ovviamente un argomento su cui riflettere, ma dopo tre, quattro storie che alla fin fine son sempre le stesse, uno comincia a stufarsi. Avrei preferito molto di piu' un romanzo che affrontasse questo tema in modo meno diretto o addirittura una vera e propria inchiesta che lo trattasse in modo piu' esaustivo e da piu' punti di vista invece che solo in questa maniera sentimentalistica.
Voto: 5

[Indira Iljas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Memiliki anak laki-laki nampaknya masih merupakan hal dominan yang diinginkan oleh setiap keluarga. Dari masa kehamilan awal, banyak orang yang menginginkan anak pertama mereka adalah laki-laki. Masih menurut kepercayaan yang dianut oleh masyarakat, memiliki anak laki sebagai anak pertama tentunya diharapkan dapat terus melangsungkan generasi penerus keturunan, disamping dengan memiliki anak laki maka akan banyak pula keuntungan yang didapatkan oleh sebuah keluarga. Dan sepertinya hal ini masih berlaku di China.
Setiap keluarga China harus mendapatkan anak pertama mereka adalah laki-laki. Meskipun keadaan ekonomi tidak menunjang, tapi demi kelahiran anak laki mereka berusaha mengeluarkan biaya sebesar mungkin untuk merayakan kelahiran si jabang bayi. Lalu, bagaimana jika kelahiran anak pertama itu adalah perempuan ?

Seperti yang kita ketahui, pertambahan angka kelahiran bayi di China 80% nya berjenis kelamin perempuan. Sedangkan, kelahiran anak perempuan di China amat dan sangat tidak diharapkan, apalagi jika bayi perempuan itu lahir sebagai anak pertama. Banyak bayi-bayi perempuan China yang berakhir hidupnya di toilet umum, di panti asuhan, di tinggal begitu saja di stasiun atau di pasar, dan lebih tragisnya adalah adanya tradisi yang mewajibkan si ibu untuk langsung membunuh bayi perempuannya ketika dilahirkan. Cara pembunuhan yang umum sering terjadi adalah dengan menenggelamkan bayi itu kedalam ember yang penuh dengan air. Sungguh tragis !! Disaat sang ibu lelah karena berjuang untuk melahirkan jabang bayinya, namun ia juga yang harus segera mengakhiri hidup si bayi tersebut. Hal ini yang juga menjadi pemicu tingginya tingkat bunuh diri kaum perempuan di China.
Ditambah lagi dengan kebijakan pemerintah China yang ‘mewajibkan’ setiap keluarga hanya boleh memiliki 1 orang anak saja, guna untuk menekan laju pertumbuhan penduduk. Jika diketemukan ada sebuah keluarga yang memiliki ‘anak ekstra’, maka anak tersebut wajib diserahkan ke panti asuhan, jika tidak maka sangsi yang akan diterima pun akan berat dan mempunyai efek yang luar biasa terhadap keluarga dan pekerjaan. Maka, dengan kebijakan seperti itu, banyak keluarga yang tidak mau mengambil resiko menghadapi aturan tersebut.

Tahun 1992 China mengalami titik balik, reformasi mulai dibuka. Tapi sayangnya, justru penduduk perkotaan yang terlihat masa bodoh dengan reformasi tersebut. China pun mulai membuka diri terhadap dunia internasional. Meskipun era reformasi ini tidak terlalu ditanggapi oleh masyarakatnya, namun dampaknya reformasi itu justru telah membutakan mata masyarakat China. Pola hidup dan pergaulan ala ‘barat’ pun merupakan hal yang tak bisa dibendung lagi. Kebebasan seksual merajalela (meskipun seks merupakan hal tabu bagi masyarakatnya), hedonisme dimana-mana. Banyak perempuan muda buta mengenai kontrasepsi bahkan tidak tahu bagaimana bayi dibuat. Hal ini jelas sekali menguntungkan bagi bisnis aborsi.
Selain itu juga era reformasi yang telah merasuki masyarakat China, tidak mempengaruhi keberadaan bayi perempuan. Bayi perempuan tetap dianggap sebagai sesuatu yang tidak berguna. Karena tingginya angka kelahiran ‘bayi perempuan’ yang tidak diharapkan, maka tahun 1993 pemerintah China mulai mengizinkan adopsi internasional terhadap bayi –bayi perempuan ‘ yang tidak dikehendaki tersebut.

Xinran dalam bukunya ini begitu detail menceritakan bagaimana nasib kaum perempuan yang ‘tidak sempat’ membesarkan bayi perempuan mereka. Mayoritas perempuan-perempuan itu selalu dihantui rasa bersalah dan sedih yang berkepanjangan. Tak jarang diantara mereka mencoba untuk bunuh diri demi mengakhiri penderitaan tersebut. Sungguh, ibu-ibu ini benar-benar tak mempunyai kuasa untuk melawan tradisi dan aturan yang berlaku saat itu. Baca saja Bab ‘Para Ibu Anak Perempuan semua sakit hati’, betapa tragisnya bayi yang baru beberapa detik merasakan udara bebas harus mati sia-sia di dalam sebuah ember yang berisikan air kotor atau ‘Kisah sang Bidan’ yang sangat piawai melakukan tugasnya membunuh bayi perempuan yang baru saja dilahirkan. Meskipun bidan tersebut sangat ahli bunuh membunuh bayi, tetap saja selama hidupnya ia dihantui rasa berdosa.

Penelusuran kisah-kisah dalam buku ini benar-benar detail dan sangat nyata, karena Xinran benar-benar berani untuk ‘mengorek luka’ para ibu itu. Dan misinya dalam menulis kisah-kisah inipun nantinya diharapkan dapat diketahui oleh ‘anak-anak perempuan yang dibuang’ apa yang saat itu telah terjadi. Tak sedikit diantara mereka yang hingga kini masih mencoba untuk menemukan ‘anak yang terbuang itu’, tapi tragisnya system adopsi di China saat itu tidak menggunakan pencatatan yang resmi hingga menyulitkan pencarian. Rata-rata ‘bayi-bayi perempuan terbuang’ itu diadopsi oleh keluarga-keluarga Barat.

Hal special dari buku ini adalah adanya kisah pribadi Xinran yang ternyata pernah pula mengadopsi seorang anak perempuan bernama Xue’r (Salju Kecil) yang lahir tahun 1990. Ibu Xue’r langsung meninggal tak lama setelah melahirkannya, dan ayahnya yang seorang dokter pun ikut bunuh diri karena rasa cintanya yang begitu mendalam pada sang istri. Keluarga orangtua Xue’r tidak ada yang mau menerimanya, karena Xue’r berjenis kelamin perempuan. Maka Xue’r pun dirawat dirumah sakit. Pada saat yang bersamaan, Xinran yang saat itu sedang mewawancarai seorang korban salju mendengar cerita Xue’r dari salah seorang perawat. Hati Xinran begitu tersentuh, setiap hari sebelum berangkat ke tempat kerja ia selalu mendatangi rumah sakit untuk melihat perkembangan Xue’r, hingga akhirnya Xinran memberanikan diri untuk mengadopsinya, meskipun pada saat itu ia sudah memiliki Panpan anak laki pertamanya. Kebahagiaan bersama Xue’r pun tidak berlangsung lama, ketika pemerintah setempat mengetahui bahwa Xinran memiliki ‘anak ekstra’. Secara tegas, petugas kependudukan meminta Xinran untuk menyerahkan Xue’r untuk diberikan ke panti asuhan. Beberapa waktu kemudian Xinran pun mengasuh Xue’r ‘jarak jauh’, karena Xue’r telah hidup di panti asuhan. Namun ‘pengasuhan jarak jauh’ itu juga tidak berjalan lama, ketika dirinya akan melakukan peliputan di luar kota, tanpa diketahuinya seluruh anak dipanti tersebut telah dibawa orang asing entah menuju kemana. Hal ini menjadi tamparan hebat bagi Xinran. Ia pun tak henti-hentinya menyesali dirinya sendiri mengapa melakukan peliputan ke luar kota. Pencarian akan Xue’r pun terus dilakukan, hingga tahun 1996 ia pun akhirnya mengetahui bahwa semua yatim piatu seusia Xue’r saat itu telah diadopsi ke Amerika Serikat. Hingga sekarang ia pun berharap sekali dapat menemukan Salju Kecilnya.

Sungguh, membaca kisah-kisah dibuku ini benar-benar membuat saya terhenyak, ketidakseimbangan jender menjadi hal yang lumrah. Perempuan menjadi sampah, laki-laki menjadi raja. Sedangkan menurut agama, perempuan dan laki-laki adalah sama di mata Allah. Perempuanlah yang harus menanggung beban selama 9 bulan semasa kehamilannya. Tanpa rasa lelah ia terus membawa kemana-mana cikal bakal anak itu. Ditambah lagi perempuan juga harus tetap bekerja untuk membantu sang suami memenuhi kebutuhan hidup. Maka tidaklah salah jika Nabi Muhammad pernah berkata agar kita selalu memuliakan perempuan (ibu).

Karena menjadi perempuan bukanlah dosa !

[Matteo Celeste · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quando mia sorella mi ha suggerito di leggere questo libro, mi sembra di ricordare mi abbia detto che sarebbe stata una lettura "tosta". Io - non so perché - ho pensato fosse un romanzo, quello che mi stava consigliando di leggere (e con tale convinzione, all'inizio, mi ci sono approcciato e l'ho aperto, in seguito). Così, l'ho messo da parte in attesa che arrivasse il suo momento, per riprenderlo successivamente, come spesso mi capita di fare.
Quando ho aperto questo libro e letto le sue pagine, oltre ad avere la certezza che non si trattava di un romanzo, ho compreso che quel "tosta" non si avvicinava minimamente, neanche di poco, al dolore, alla sofferenza, allo strazio che questo "reportage" racchiude nelle testimonianze di madri a cui dà voce, madri che hanno dovuto, per motivi vari, abbandonare (o "sistemare") le loro figlie.
"Le figlie perdute della Cina" è un testo pesante dal punto di vista emotivo, ma necessario, perché aggiunge un tassello ulteriore alla conoscenza di questo vasto Paese che è la Cina, mettendo in risalto, come difficilmente accade, le strettissime relazioni (e i loro tragici impatti) tra politiche sociali, tradizioni culturali e condizioni individuali, in grado, nel loro insieme, di segnare il destino delle persone, un destino foriero di innumerevoli rimpianti e rimorsi e tante, tante domande in attesa di risposte, nella speranza che esse possano dare un senso a un legame venutosi spezzando tra una madre e una figlia.

[Rita Laranjeira · Rating 4 out of 5]

Um livro sobre histórias de mães, parteiras, pessoal de orfanatos, famílias de acolhimento, famílias adotantes, na visão de uma jornalista.
Um livro sobre a política do filho único (será que tens a verdadeira noção do que isto quer dizer? ) e como isso influenciou, até uma época recente, um país, uma sociedade e muitas mulheres.
Um livro sobre o peso transportado por tantas e tantas mulheres por terem parido uma menina.
Um livro sobre histórias de arrepiar, de ficar revoltada, de ficar chocada, de ficar triste...

Esta leitura foi lenta, com pausas, porque foi preciso parar e respirar... porque foi preciso ganhar fôlego para mais histórias verídicas de mulheres que não puderam usufruir das suas filhas... porque os sentimentos embrulhavam-se todos e foi preciso acalmar emoções...
Estas histórias são verdadeiras e realmente aconteceram... Ter noção dos acontecimentos é brutal, é desesperante, é visceral.Há muito tempo que uma leitura não me deixava de estômago embrulhado... Que vidas sofridas, que vidas curtas, que vidas brutalmente roubadas

[Lisa Dyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Journalist, women's advocate, and adoption charity director/founder, Xinran provides an incredible insight into the stories and insights into the women and their families in China who give up their daughters.

Intercountry adoption is a personal interest of mine, and I found this book heartbreaking and an eye opener. There are so many reasons why children are abandoned or worse in China. Many people immediately turn to the 'one child policy' as a blanket reason. There are pressures from family to bear a son to take care of the family and worship the ancestors, there are also survival needs, with boys being allocated greater land resources for farming. The choices that they make must be so difficult and devastating, yet they have also become a cultural, way of life/way things are done also.

Xinran was also able to document some personal stories from inside the orphanages in China and provide some answers to some questions that prospecitve and adoptive parents ask all the time. Why are the controls tightened when there are so many children abandoned? What are the conditions like? What are the processes?

Loaded full of information, yet written with compassion and gentleness to the Good Women of China.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any family thinking about adopting a child from China, MUST read this book! It lays out the laws of adoption, gives extremely credible cultural perspective and gives a compassionate voice to and for the many Chinese women who, heartbreakingly, were forced to abandon or place their beloved children in orphanages.

Xinran does an incredible job at addressing the unimaginable heartache and pain millions of Chinese mothers suffered as they were pressured to abandon their children in the street, leave their crying infant on the steps of a run-down and inadequate orphanage, and even kill their own child!

Unfortunately, these are the realities of China and for every mother there who has lost a child, they carry unbelievable and undeniable pain, anguish, torment, and suffering that at times, drives them to commit suicide.

This is an emotional book that you MUST read! As a non-Chinese mother, this incredible book evoked emotions deep into my soul and awakening feelings I didn’t even know I had. My heart truly goes out to the millions of Chinese mothers and daughters everywhere who don’t know each other or who wait to someday to meet again on some plane.

[Kate Garnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Comprised of the author's affecting interviews with Chinese women who put their daughters up for adoption, this book offers the world a look into the agonizing choices Chinese women face under cultural constraints and the One Child policy, and motherhood. What is truly impelling about this book is the author's mission: to provide adopted Chinese girls around the world with information on the harrowing conditions their birth mothers may have faced, leading to their adoptions. The author's candidness and honesty help readers navigate the realm between cultures, and allows them to consider Western and Chinese points of view. For anyone who is considering adoption, has adopted, is interested in Chinese culture, or is working with women or children in any capacity, this book is a must-read.

[André Sá · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vamos ler mais mulheres! Livro incrível e extremamente triste... recomendo a todos como forma de compreender os desafios e sacrifícios que mulheres em outras culturas tem que superar

[Mandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Difficult book to rate and it is so heartbreaking and sad. Some stories are almost too much to read but you feel obliged to knowing how hard they must have been to tell

[Amila · Rating 2 out of 5]

I call bullshit.

Excluding the cases where the child was ripped away from the mother due to the one child policy, here is an example of what almost made me DNF this book: a couple sees how well the westerners treat the daughters they adopt; the couple decides, together, to give away their little daughter to a French couple DESPITE HAVING THE MEANS TO RAISE HER THEMSELVES; they use some bs excuse of "the child growing up in comfort, as a princess, rather than with them, in struggle"; they send the baby away via stranger to be handed to the French people who are staying in a hotel nearby; then they stalk the couple, the mother hypocritically saying that she almost went in the room and grabbed the baby when it cried "ma-mama"; they ultimately get a divorce because the husband thinks the wife is cold-hearted for being able to give up their child, despite the fact that they decided on it together and when she tried to get the baby back, he held her back every time.

It almost feels like a breakup: listen baby, it's not you, it's us. We are materialistic and lazy. And then the child makes a wish on her fifth birthday for "her Chinese mother to know that she is a good girl". Because she thinks she was given up for not being good enough.

And don't even get me started on the mom and dad who keep procreating and then leaving baby girls at train stations because they want a baby boy. Or the idiotic reason behind everyone wanting their first-born to be a male.

Ugh, according to the author, this book was written to show the adopted daughters that their Chinese mothers loved them despite giving them up, but how is THIS supposed to make a kid feel better? I grew up with people who were committed to raising me despite the struggle and I wouldn't trade that for being a princess in any other household.

I have so much more to say about the hypocrisy that is overflowing in this book, but I feel like you get the point.

[Simona Fedele · Rating 5 out of 5]

La discriminazione e il maltrattamento delle donne che partoriscono prole di sesso femminile, o sofferenti di infertilità, sono proibiti. La discriminazione o il maltrattamento e l'abbandono di neonati di sesso femminile sono proibiti.
(Art. 22, Legge della Repubblica Popolare Cinese sulla popolazione e sulla pianificazione delle nascite, entrata in vigore il 1/9/2002).
Leggete bene questo articolo di legge. Leggetelo più volte per essere certi di comprenderne le implicazioni profonde.
E allora sarete colti dallo sgomento.
Quando poi leggerete questo bellissimo libro della giornalista Xinran, farete davvero tanta fatica a restare impassibili.

[atwiglikeme · Rating 5 out of 5]

Potresno, a opet puno nježnosti i suosjećanja koje samo majka može pružiti.

[Lilirose · Rating 2 out of 5]

In questo libro Xinran (giornalista cinese trasferitasi a Londra a fine anni 90) offre numerose testimonianze di donne cinesi costrette ad abbandonare (ed in molti casi addirittura uccidere) le proprie figlie, la cui unica colpa è stata quella di nascere femmine in un paese dalla fortissima impronta patriarcale e maschilista; tutte le storie sono state raccontate all'autrice in prima persona dalle donne che hanno vissuto tali tragedie e ciò rende questo libro diverso dalle tipiche inchieste giornalistiche, molto più concentrato sul lato umano. Il rovescio della medaglia è che quindi manca di rigore scientifico: non si indaga mai seriamente sui fenomeni economici e sociali che hanno portato a questo stato di cose, si parla solo di mamme dal cuore straziato e figlie senza radici. Indubbiamente tutto vero e triste, ma se leggo un saggio vorrei che fossero i fatti a giocare un ruolo di primo piano, non il sentimentalismo.
Lo stile è scorrevole ma la struttura è un po' ripetitiva, in fondo non è altro che la stessa tipologia di storia ripetuta una decina di volte, con tutte le variazioni del caso.
In conclusione più che un' inchiesta questo lavoro di Xinran mi è sembrato uno sfogo per la sua tragedia personale ed una pubblicità per la sua associazione benefica.

[Erica T · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an intriguing book detailing the conditions in China that have lead to the abandonment or murder of newborn girls in China. I assumed the one-child policy was the main/only reason but the book also addresses the land grants and food distributions for families with boys rather than girls as well as the need to have a son to carry on the family line.

Xinran has met with and received letters from many Chinese women who have faced the dilemma of giving birth to a girl and how their choice to abandon or "do" (murder or have murdered) their girls has affected their lives. There were also letters from adoptive families with Chinese daughters who wonder about their birth mothers. The records are very poor/non-existent for most of these children in orphanages so the chance of ever making a connection with their birth mother is close to zero.

Definitely an eye-opener and honestly appalling that this is still going on in our "modern" world.

**No language. Mention of sex (in story of how unmarried woman got pregnant and was faced with the need to abandon her daughter as a single mother). Kind of heart-breaking facts that may be bothersome to sensitive readers.

[Elalma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Il fenomeno dell'abbandono delle bambine nelle zone rurali della Cina è tristemente noto, ha radici profonde e antichissime legato al poco valore che l'essere donna ha in quel paese. Ma le testimonianze raccolte e narrate dalla giornalista Xinran non hanno uno scopo divulgativo o di approfondimento sociologico; vogliono essere d'aiuto a tutte quelle bambine adottate all'estero che si chiedono: "chi sono? Perché mia madre non mi ha voluta? Non c'è risposta, lo sappiamo, ma Xinran vuole dire che le loro madri le hanno amate e che l'abbandono è avvenuto in contesti molto duri: esso lascia nell'animo delle ragazze, delle donne che l'effettuano una traccia profonda, insanabile che ha spesso conseguenze drammatiche. Emerge l'eterna domanda, che si pone la manager come la studentessa, la contadina analfabeta e la vecchia saggia : "esiste l'amore materno?" "Cosa è naturale?" . Com'è possibile che sono le stesse donne a perpetuare queste pratiche?

[Michelle Sallay · Rating 4 out of 5]

It feels weird to give this book anything less than 5 stars, but in all honesty I'm not sure I will ever give a non-fiction 5 stars...:)

I'm in the middle of the adoption process for China and this book is a must read for anyone considering adoption in China or adoption in general. Actually, I think this book should be required reading for teenagers in the United States so that they can have a sliver of understanding of what it is like to be born into a country that promises you nothing.

The stories of these women are heartbreaking and eye opening. What kept surprising me is that all of these horrible things were happening not that long ago and probably still happen in more rural areas of China.

We need to open our eyes to what is happening in the world around us, and even if we feel hopeless like we couldn't change anything at least we can be aware of the amazing opportunities we have in this country and love on our children and families more.