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Memory

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After a brutal act of violence leaves him suffering devastating memory loss, actor Paul Cole struggles to recover his identity while under the watchful, hostile eye of the police.

366 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

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985 people want to read

About the author

Donald E. Westlake

433 books924 followers
Donald E. Westlake (1933-2008) was one of the most prolific and talented authors of American crime fiction. He began his career in the late 1950's, churning out novels for pulp houses—often writing as many as four novels a year under various pseudonyms such as Richard Stark—but soon began publishing under his own name. His most well-known characters were John Dortmunder, an unlucky thief, and Parker, a ruthless criminal. His writing earned him three Edgar Awards: the 1968 Best Novel award for God Save the Mark; the 1990 Best Short Story award for "Too Many Crooks"; and the 1991 Best Motion Picture Screenplay award for The Grifters. In addition, Westlake also earned a Grand Master Award from the Mystery Writers of America in 1993.

Westlake's cinematic prose and brisk dialogue made his novels attractive to Hollywood, and several motion pictures were made from his books, with stars such as Lee Marvin and Mel Gibson. Westlake wrote several screenplays himself, receiving an Academy Award nomination for his adaptation of The Grifters, Jim Thompson's noir classic.

Some of the pseudonyms he used include
•   Richard Stark
•   Timothy J. Culver
•   Tucker Coe
•   Curt Clark
•   J. Morgan Cunningham
•   Judson Jack Carmichael
•   D.E. Westlake
•   Donald I. Vestlejk
•   Don Westlake

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5 stars
212 (27%)
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271 (35%)
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173 (22%)
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88 (11%)
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18 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
Profile Image for Dave.
3,600 reviews436 followers
October 12, 2021
Even though it was Westlake's last novel, its feel is pulpish as if it were written many years ago. It is not actionpacked as many other Hard Case Crime books are and there is very little crime in here. But, perhaps that was intentional. It is a different kind of Westlake novel and showcases some of his talent.

In a nutshell, the narrator (Paul Cole) is an actor who spends the night, while on tour with his acting company, in bed with a married woman. He explains: "he had chosen her because, being on the road with him, she was handy; and additionally being married. She had already clipped the wings of one male and therefore could demand nothing more from him than he was willing to give."

The husband walks in on them and bam the narrator ends up in the hospital and his memory is not good. He doesn't know who to call or how to get home, except that his home is on Grove Street in New
York. He takes a bus as far as his money will take him and ends up in a small town with not much in it. He ends up making a life there, but knows that he was supposed to go to New York and hopes he will remember when he gets there.

What is interesting about this book is how step by step, it is hard to go through life without remembering anything and how people will misunderstand you and turn away from you if you don't make sense to them. It is an interesting book and a well-told story. I really enjoyed it
Profile Image for TheBookWarren.
535 reviews194 followers
May 10, 2024
5.0 ⭐️ — Reading this again recently (160-odd pages anyways) I couldn’t help but genuinely have a mind-giggle, as in… well.. giggle silently in my mind! Why do such a thing? Well, it’s cus I picked up this Westlake powerhouse again post a rather long-day of kids sports & didn’t think it could possibly hold ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Rating so many years & a couple of inspectional reads later — I was convinced that in comparison to the numerous, abounding high-quality Novels since that it would appear a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ at best.. BOY was I ever so unapologetically wrong. Westlake’s adroitness in suspense is a true Masterclass here, it is simply and really that bloody good!

Everything about it, the pacing, the ambiguity, to the nuanced & hyper-neurotic & paranoid turns of the protagonist, the carefully waged conversations whereby every single line appears to have a double meaning and folds in onto itself to torture the reader into a kind of mystery wrapped in an enigma vibe that eventually cools (in a good way) to more of a non-linear escapade of the human-conscience! Brilliant novel that’s INCREDIBLY underrated and under-appreciated to a criminal extent!!!


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(2020 Review) — Wowsers, what on earth did I just read? This one is gonna need to have several chapters re read and digested and cohosted om to fully unravel one thinks… Donald R Westlake, you are a true legend of the Crime-noir-thriller-thingy — This Book is straight to the”Top-Reads” shelf. Despite being a few days now since finishing this Donald Westlake Novel & it’s very much still with me, every bit of its eery, foggy & pulsating narrative.

It’s not often I hold a book after I’ve read it, in fact I can’t recall doing it.. but this novel, well it’s in my mind 3 days later partly I think because I want it to go on but mostly because it resonated so strongly, it’s prose lingering like a sticker stuck in the very middle of my forehead, but doesn’t annoy, rather comfort.

This is not a crime novel, it’s not a thriller.. it’s not even really a mystery as such! What it is, is an utterly compelling story that doesn’t punch you in the gut, but it does throw a soft ball into it over and over again, and that ball slowly alters it’s state to a solid mass that just leaves you constantly winded, gasping for breath as you turn the pages. Certain that relief is coming round the bend, only it never does. This book induces such a… god, well just such a frightfully empty feeling & sadness that is somehow more painful than the obvious sad-sadnesses! So very literary, both here and elsewhere, but especially here in Memory — Westlake’s more-newly realised literary prose & narratives and tropes are so epic and suave, Westlake is barren and yet oh so brilliant here, I’ve now fully ran empty in superlative rhetoric. Just good stuff here.

Donald Westlake’s final novel (before the fairly recent other works discovered, that is) is in my very humble viewpoint, a masterpiece that perfectly grasps & echoes the human-consciousness through a very deep and dark but not black, narrow, damp cave.
Profile Image for Kemper.
1,389 reviews7,565 followers
April 20, 2015
Despite being Donald Westlake’s last novel and published by Hard Case Crime this is not a mystery or a crime story. It’s just one incredibly good book.

Paul Cole is an actor from New York crossing the Midwest as part of a traveling theater company. When he hooks up with a married woman the husband catches them in the act, and Paul gets his skull bashed in before he can get his pants on. The injury does serious damage to his memory so that Paul has trouble recalling elements of his life and people from his past, and he can easily lose track of what’s going on. The police quickly push him out of town to avoid a local scandal, but Paul doesn’t have enough money to make it back to New York, and he can’t remember anyone he can call for help.

The book becomes a heartbreaking story of Paul’s struggle to remember while keeping a roof over his head and food on the table. He’s desperate to go back to being the man he used to be, but he doesn’t even know who that is. Relying on notes and spotty recollections to manage his life, he learns that its very hard to get by when you’re constantly losing the context of what’s going on.

Westlake wrote this back in the ‘60s, but couldn’t get it published because he was a genre writer at the beginning of his career. He put it in a drawer and never had it published, even after he became successful. Westlake’s friend Lawrence Block read it shortly after it was written, and always thought it was a great book. After Westlake’s death, Block asked his widow to look for a copy. She found it, and Block helped get it published.

Some may be disappointed that this isn’t Westlake doing his serious or humorous crime thing, but I think this is some of his best writing. I’m very glad it didn’t stay hidden away.
Profile Image for Still.
637 reviews116 followers
March 14, 2025
EDIT:
This novel has been made into a film titled The Actor which opens nationally today, 14/March/2025. Initial word is positive but it’s hard to imagine a film conveying the horrors facing an amnesiac depicted in this novel. A man who can’t recall his past, in fear of a future in a world he is unable to remember.



***********************************************************************************

One of the most haunting and memorable (no pun, etc) novels I have ever read by Donald E. Westlake.


Paul Cole suffers a savage beating at the hands of an aggrieved husband who walks in on Cole having sex with his wife.

Cole awakens in a hospital with absolutely no memory of who he is or how he wound up in the hospital.
Cole has brain damage and is no longer capable of creating memories let alone recalling his past.

All he has left of his past are the contents of his wallet which reveal a driver's license registered to Paul Cole of 50 Grove Street in New York City and a Screen Actor's Guild card which indicates that he was employed as an actor.

He knows nothing of his past.
His present is an impossible maze requiring a reliance upon self-written notes, handwritten reminders of where he lives, where he now works, and the names of the people in his new life.
He has only a compulsion to return to 50 Grove Street in New York City and hope to regain his memory. And when he eventually gets to New York City, what will he find?

“Whatever you lose, you need what you lost to help you find what you lost”


This novel isn't your typical Donald E. Westlake crime/suspense thriller.
This might well be his greatest stand-alone.

I would place it up there with Nathanael West’s
The Day of the Locust, Horace McCoy’s I Should Have Stayed Home,
Richard Hallas's You Play the Black and the Red Comes Up ,
or Cornell Woolrich’s Phantom Lady.

What it emotionally brings to mind are James Ross’s stunning They Don't Dance Much and the melancholy dirt-road noirs of William Gay.
This novel is engrossing, epic and poignant.


He gazed at it all, feeling sheepish, and then turned back and walked on. He went out through the Eighth Avenue entrance, and stopped there on the sidewalk, for just a moment at a loss.

What now? Faint stirrings of recognition were not enough. He had come here all this way blindly, trusting his unguessable earlier self to have had sensible motives and a workable plan, following through on a scheme he knew practically nothing about, doing it for only emotional reasons. If it had been left to conscious logical decisions he would probably still be back in town, but he had been made so disturbed and so upset by the thought of staying that he had no choice but to go.

And here he was, and what now? He set his suitcase and canvas bag down on the sidewalk, and took his note from his pocket. There was the address: 50 Grove Street. That must be where he should go now.


Existentialism?
Not sure that applies here.
Hell?
For sure.
Paul Cole locates that particular geographic locale.
Profile Image for Dan Schwent.
3,184 reviews10.8k followers
March 29, 2011
Actor Paul Cole gets caught in bed with another man's wife and suffers a head injury. Now Cole's long term memory is gone and his short term memory isn't anything to write home about. Can Cole get back to his old life in New York and remember who he was?

Memory was among Donald Westlake's possessions after he died a few years ago. Apparently he'd written it in the 60's but never got it published. Thanks to Lawrence Block and the Hard Case Crime series, it's finally seen print.

Since Westlake was primarily a crime writer, it's not hard to see why publishers were reluctant to take a chance on Memory. Rather than being a crime novel, it's more a of a literary one. There's a slight mystery element but it's more the story of a man trying to find himself after having his life snatched away. It explores the concept of identity and what it would be like to forget almost everything every day.

Paul Cole's life is a sad one, far from the hijinx of Dortmunder or the violent world of Parker. He suffers one defeat after another and continuously grasps at straws in an attempt to regain his memory. The supporting cast is fairly well-rounded. Cole's agent Helen is probably the most memorable.

Since this was the last published work of Donald Westlake, I feel bad only giving it a three but that's as high as I can go. It's a little on the long side and the mystery element felt tacked on. Plus the ending is pretty sad. Still, when it comes to a deceased author's work, you have to take what you can get.

On a side note, with this volume, I've now read the entire Dorchester run of the Hard Case Crime series, all 66 books.
Profile Image for Dave Schaafsma.
Author 6 books32.1k followers
May 21, 2021
A posthumously-published novel Donald Westlake couldn't get in print in the sixties when he wrote it because his career as a crime-writer had taken off and no one wanted to publish what is essentially a straight-up novel written by him. It's good, though, well-written, and sort of mirrors what his buddy and also mystery writer master Lawrence Block was doing around that time, trying to learn the writing craft, experimenting with different styles. I know this because I am sampling the re-release of a lot of books by great writers in the Hard Case Crime series, focusing so far on Westlake and Block.

It's not clear exactly how the editors justified putting this book in the series, since this isn't really a crime book, but let me try and guess. Paul Cole is an actor traveling in the midwest with an acting troupe; he sleeps with a married woman and the husband takes a chair to Paul's head, putting him in the hospital for weeks. He emerges with amnesia, just scraps of memory. He has evidence that he lives in New York, so he thinks he needs to get back there to jumpstart his memory. On the way he stops in a small town, as he runs out of money, gets a job in a tannery factory and starts a relationship with Edna, a small town woman.

Then leaves, finds his agent, finds old friends who see he has changed, an old girlfriend who isn't sympathetic, he gets a one-line acting gig and crashes and burns out of the acting life. He's an actor! He needs memory to be able to memorize and to create roles! But can he perform his former self? Paul leaves town to try and get back to Edna, but his memory doesn't seem to be improving. A sort of sad sort of realistic/noir sixties portrait of a man faced with all sorts of precarity, much of it financial, as is the case with a lot of noir, money troubles leading to more trouble. The safety nets seem porous for a guy like Cole, and much attention is paid to these money troubles especially early on, as he goes from being a (reportedly) arrogant and successful actor to a quiet, vulnerable guy with a really bad memory. There but for the grace of an intact brain go I.

Actually, initially, hearing this was Block's last published novel, I wondered if the amnesia was a way to think through something like Alzheimer's, but nope, he wrote this in the sixties when he was yet young. But you read with your life; I have two sibs who have Alzheimers and no longer know who I am, so that helped to engage with me sadly in Paul's story. What happens when you lose your past?

Have you seen Memento, with the guy sticking stickers all over the place to remind him who is and what he has to do? Or have you read the Kurt Wallander detective series where Wallander also does this, as his memory fades? Cole does this, too.

Memory is a book that starts with the "crime" (in most states still on the books at that time) of adultery, then the crime of vengeful assault, which makes his life spin out of control. It has this noir feel to it, maybe a touch of Twilight Zone as he becomes another person. Maybe these things justify its inclusion in the Hard Case Crime series. But because it was in the series I kept expecting a murder... so had to adapt.
Profile Image for Ctgt.
1,772 reviews94 followers
January 22, 2017
Another book from my friend Still. Not really a crime story but a fascinating journey as we follow the main character who gets caught cheating with another man's wife, gets the snot kicked out of him and wakes up in a hospital with only the vaguest memory of who he is. With only a few slim clues he attempts to put enough information together to return to his previous life. Very interesting to watch as he teeters on the edge of regaining memories from his past before they are overwhelmed by the life he is currently living. Kind of a big picture question Westlake is asking here. Which should be the driving force in your life, your past or how you are living right at this moment?

8/10
Profile Image for James Thane.
Author 10 books7,064 followers
August 28, 2010
I'm coming a bit late to this book and really have nothing at all to add to the many good reviews that have already been posted here. Like several others, I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm a huge fan of the Parker series that Westlake wrote as Richard Stark, but I confess that I'm not that enthused about some of his other books. And in the end, I wasn't very excited about this one.

While touring with a theater company in a small town in the Midwest, Paul Cole, an actor, is caught in bed with another man's wife. The husband smashes Cole over the head with a chair, giving him a concussion and causing him to lose his memory. After Cole recovers enough to move, the police rush him out of town. He slowly makes his way back to New York in an effort to recover his memory and his former life. Westlake details Cole's journey over 366 pages, where nothing of real interest seems to happen--at least not in my view.

This is not a crime novel, and it's hard to imagine what it's doing in the Hard Case Crime series. The better angels of my nature want to hope that it wound up there as a posthumous tribute to a prolific writer who was beloved by thousands of crime fiction fans. But as a Westlake fan, I really didn't need it; his reputation is certainly secure enough in my book.

This is something of a hobby horse of mine, but as I've suggested here before, I get really nervous about books published posthumously without the author's consent. My assumption is that if the author did not make a serious effort to publish the book during his or her lifetime, then he/she probably had their own reasons for making that decision and their heirs and others should not be second-guessing them once they have died.

In this case, Westlake apparently wrote this book sometime in the early 1960s, and when it failed to find a publisher, he left it in the drawer for the rest of his life. Certainly later in his career when his reputation was well-established, he could have resurrected the book and found a publisher for it had he desired to do so. The fact that he didn't suggests to me that for whatever reason, he had ultimately decided that the book was best left unpublished.

As is clear from the reviews that have already been posted here, people are divided in their opinion of Memory. Personally, I think it's okay, although I don't think it's one of Westlake's better books. But even if a majority of readers concluded that it was an absolutely great book, absent any clear indication that Westlake still wanted it published, I would have deferred to his apparent wishes and left it in the drawer simply as a matter of principle.
Profile Image for Oli Turner.
490 reviews5 followers
Read
April 21, 2023
The sixty-fourth @hard_case_crime novel finished #memory by #donaldewestlake originally written in the 1960s according to Wikipedia but published posthumously by HCC in 2010. Less crime noir and more character piece. Quite an interesting examination on living with memory problems. Surprisingly Engaging which is a testament to westlake’s skill. Heartbreaking.
Profile Image for Paul.
577 reviews24 followers
May 11, 2018
"He washed himself and dressed, and then stood a moment looking at the door. He was all dressed up with no place to go. The door was old wood, aged and varnished a nut brown. It was decorated with knob and bolt and chain and framed house rules. It led generally to the whole world, but particularly to nowhere at all."

No-one writes 'perplexing' like Westlake.

This story of one man's alienation from friends, his former life & society in general, follows a head injury sustained when he is attacked by the husband of a woman he is caught in flagrante with. Not only can Paul Cole not remember his life before the head injury, but he constantly has to write notes to remind himself of the most mundane things.

This novel reminds me of another stand-alone novel by Westlake, 'The Ax'. Not because the story is similar, but because of the subtle tension that permeates the whole story. I had a sense that this story would not end well. The question being, the extent to which it would end badly.

Highly recommended. An easy 5 stars, for sheer originality.
Profile Image for MH.
727 reviews4 followers
July 30, 2022
A man is assaulted and suffers a traumatic head injury - he has amnesia and an inability to retain recent memories - and finds himself nearly broke and far from home. Despite the Hard Case Crime imprint, this isn't any kind of hard-boiled thriller (their, as always, wonderful pulpy cover shows the events of the book's first paragraph), but rather the story of a confused man dealing with trauma, and Westlake's pacing is quick and his writing is precise, unfussy, and often really moving. Surprising, literary, and very sad.
Profile Image for Johnny.
Author 10 books142 followers
January 19, 2013
Billed as the last novel by Donald E. Westlake, it is clear that Memory had been sitting in the master novelist’s unfinished archives for a while. There is nothing in the narrative that specifically addresses Memory as a period piece, but it is filled with anachronisms if we try to force it into the present day. Prices and salaries are extremely low, a phonograph needle and vinyl plays a role, travel is mostly by bus, and small towns may only get one television channel. In order to keep from being pulled out from my “suspended disbelief,” I imagined that this was one of the novels Westlake wrote in the ‘50s but that it was so different than the rest of his work that he couldn’t find a publisher until Charles Ardai took a risk and published the book.

To be sure, I don’t know how much of a risk it was, but it is not the same kind of thriller or mystery forms of noir that we’re used to seeing in the Hard Case Crime novels. Oh, it follows the formula of having the protagonist dumped on and then, being flushed down the toilet and further and further into the sewer system, but the “crime” perpetrated by the protagonist isn’t one that would hold much weight in today’s society. The protagonist, Paul Cole, is an actor in a Broadway touring company. They are out in the middle of what we eventually discover is Kansas when the victim of the actor’s hubris wreaks revenge on him. Said revenge does enough damage to the actor’s brain that he has partial amnesia. As you would expect from the title, Memory is a key factor in the plot. Paul Cole is attempting to unravel his memories and restore them so that he can return to his acting career.

Westlake masterfully weaves in expectations and ominous threats, but nothing really happens in this novel in the way I would have expected. This story caused me to feel more than I’ve felt in a novel in a long time. I was there walking the streets, looking at faces, and trying to pull things together with Paul Cole as he trudged from The Village to studios, offices, and parties as he tried to “reboot” his life. I was as paranoid about his old friends when he finds them as he was. I always had the sense that something was about to happen and that the shiny metal plate which seemed to be the central unifying factor of the mystery was going to be something very different than it turned out to be.

The most memorable scene to me was when the co-worker who was older than Paul and was renting his spare room to the actor decided to have a talk about life’s decisions. I don’t agree with the older man’s sentiments, but it is important to the story. The old man affirmed that he loved his wife very much, but then shocked Paul by stating that he didn’t think his life would be any different if he’d married any of a number of girls he had dated. He was trying to tell Paul to settle down and be content with a nascent relationship rather than seeking his old life. Frankly, I believe that decisions matter. I believe that choices of faith, choices of mate, choices of career, and choices of geography matter. We clearly close the door on certain opportunities when we choose others. That not only makes life interesting, but meaningful. Life matters.

Don’t get me wrong. I was mesmerized by Memory. I wanted to see Paul succeed at making his comeback. I wanted to see him regain his memory. I was intrigued and satisfied with the way the novel came to an end. It felt right and the groundwork was properly placed. Out of all the Westlake novels I’ve read, I think Memory may be the most human. The book has poetic justice, bittersweet sentimentality, and stark realism. Some Westlake fans may be disappointed, but I believe it is a fitting legacy to a marvelous writer.
Profile Image for Josh.
1,730 reviews180 followers
February 19, 2013
MEMORY is more literary than noir – the central character; Paul Cole gradually comes to terms with his new sense of self following an incident with another man’s wife which resulted in a severe and long term case of amnesia. That violent encounter, describe in piecemeal detail by Westlake builds MEMORY as a novel of redemption, discovery, and knuckle grazing noir. However, soon thereafter the theme becomes apparent with the focus shying away from Cole’s means for revenge to a damaged man trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered life.

I had hoped for more in Westlake’s last newly published novel. Originally written in the 1960’s, it’s evident that the manuscript needed work. There are many character traits and cheesy dialogue that wouldn’t have made the final cut in my opinion – this is not the same quality of the Parker novels by any stretch, nor the other Westlake Hardcase Crime books in 361, SOMEBODY OWES ME MONEY, THE CUTIE and LEMONS NEVER LIE (written as Richard Stark). That said, there were moments of MEMORY that were enjoyable, notably Paul’s eventual return to New York to take up his acting career, his interaction and kind of segregation from his group of friend, and the overall journey of self discovery which essentially results in him having to learn to be a person again.

Unfortunately MEMORY had a tendency to feel stale. There are some parts to the book that needed a ruthless editor to sharpen Westlake’s point. The concept is a good one, the execution lacking somewhat. Still, MEMORY is worth a read for fans of Westlake and the more literary readers out there. Managing expectations will make MEMORY more enjoyable.
Profile Image for Ed.
Author 67 books2,716 followers
May 14, 2010
Perhaps more of a mainstream novel than a noir/crime novel, Donald Westlake's ambitious posthumous novel concerns Paul Cole, an actor, who gets knocked on the head while on tour with his acting company in a Midwest town. Paul's resulting amnesia presents him with all manner of problems, first in the town as a tannery worker, and then back in New York City where he tries to resurrect his acting career. Some glimpses of Mr. Westlake's brilliance as a fiction writer are on display. By turns wistful, heart-wrenching, and futile, MEMORY is the sort of novel that this reader will remember for quite a while.
Profile Image for Corey.
Author 85 books277 followers
November 23, 2024
I can't remember the last novel I enjoyed this much. It's unlike Westlake's other books. It's not really a thriller but belongs in the same category as great American existentialist novels like Barth's 'The End of the Road,' or DeVries' 'Blood of the Lamb,' or Ellison's 'Invisible Man'.
Profile Image for Kevidently.
279 reviews28 followers
January 31, 2020
Donald E. Westlake, one of the great crime writers of our time, is known mainly for two series characters: Dortmunder, whose novels appear under Westlake's own name, and Parker, whose novels appear under the Richard Stark name. Both series showcase Westlake's breadth of styles, from comic to noir, and his flexibility of genre. Or so I've heard. I've read neither.

This is both my confession and my absolution. I have read Westlake, and loved Westlake. Just not in the ways you'd suspect. Back when I was still working in bookstores, I picked up the 1997 novel The Ax, a crime thriller about downsizing. I couldn't put it down. Three years later, in 2000, his dark novel about the publishing industry, The Hook came out. I felt the books were spiritually related. I loved them. I loved Westlake. And then I promptly stopped reading Westlake.

What can I say? Robert B. Parker's Spenser was forefront in my mind then, whenever Stephen King wasn't releasing anything. Then I discovered Harlan Coben, and Dennis Lehane, and when I wanted to dip back into classic crime, I picked up a Jim Thompson novel, a good way to love writing and hate the world. The confluence of two outside influences brought me back to Westlake: I found Lawrence Block, he of the Scudder and Keller and Rhodenbarr novels, and I decided to explore the Hard Case Crime publishing house beyond the Stephen King stuff.

Hard Case Crime publishes terrific vintage crime novels that have gone out of print, plus current crime novels written in that style. It republished a classic Westlake book, Somebody Owes Me Money, which I read and enjoyed ... though it didn't stick with me. Then, halfway through Lawrence Block's fantastic collection of essays, Hunting Buffalo with Bent Nails, I came across a recommendation: Westlake's long-lost, never-published Memory, which Hard Case Crime put into print for the first time in 2010.

Memory: I remembered buying the book when it first came out, but as it sometimes happens with me and novels, I get distracted and put them aside. I'd liked the first few pages I read and chastised myself for not reading more. Then I remembered I'd also purchased the audiobook. I had two copies of this book just lying around, a book I intended to read, a book I wanted to read, and yet I hadn't hunkered down and actually read it. Must have slipped my mind.

Well, as you can see, that's no longer the case. I queued up Memory three days ago on my Audible app. And then could not stop listening. Here's the premise: a man is caught in bed with a beautiful woman by the woman's husband. The husband picks up a chair and bashes the man over the head. He wakes up in a hospital with a concussion ... and a form of amnesia that works on both his short-term and long-term memory. He can't quite remember how he got to the hospital. He doesn't remember his parents. He knows he has a sister but can't remember her married name. And that's just the beginning of Paul Cole's story.

I almost want to stop it there, because Memory is a book that rewards the reader who doesn't know much going in. And it's funny that I'm using the word "rewards," because there's so much unsatisfying about the book ... but it's in a funny sort of satisfied way. It's not a crime novel, despite the opening gambit. It's a novel, really, about identity: who we are when we don't remember who we were.

It's this friction that drives so much of this fantastic novel. Paul's drive to get back to the version of himself he was before he lost his memory takes up a significant chunk of the book's middle section, set in New York City. He knows he used to be an actor, so he's determined to be that again. He knows who his friends were, so he forces himself back into their world. And it's frustrating at times, because the Paul who came away with the memory loss wasn't that person anymore. "I'm an actor because I'm supposed to be an actor," he tells himself a few times, before realizing over and over again that the only real acting he's doing is pretending he's something he's not.

It's a ruminative novel. It's not like Memento, the movie whose protagonist suffers from short-term memory loss. That is a crime story, and maybe my hesitation was that it would be too similar to that. They're nothing alike. You root for Cole because he's lost, and you feel for him because he's going out of his way to not be found. The novel ends on a declarative note, but it's not the note you might think. Paul's entire story is about creating a whole self based on who he is in the moment, and there's something grand in that ... but also something tragic.

I'm going to jump into some more Westlake now. Maybe through his famous characters' series. Maybe I'll dig into more Hard Case Crime books. One thing I know for sure: Memory is a terrific novel. If you'll pardon the pun, it's one I won't soon forget.
Profile Image for Mara.
408 reviews303 followers
July 26, 2014
"So help me god, if you drop that computer on the floor again, I will make sure you wake up in a mental ward with total amnesia under someone else's name."

Ok, so maybe that's a quote from The Man from Jupiter (classic Malory) and not the exact premise for this book, but that's only because I thought getting back into this whole reviewing the books I read thing was gonna be way easier.
Profile Image for Larry Carr.
263 reviews4 followers
September 21, 2023
Memory, Donald Westlake’s last published novel, date written not sure? A stand alone novel, definitely noir, I’d say mystery -others would not. Let’s call it imaginative, disturbing, perplexing… and fiction writing of the highest kind.

Paul Cole, touring actor, somewhere in the Midwest is having sex with a woman in a hotel, when her irate husband busts in,and clobbers Paul with a chair. Several days later Paul wakes up in a hospital, mind in a cloud and memory gone. The contents of his wallet provide his NY driver’s license, name Paul Cole, address Grove St. NY, NY. Military discharge, honorable. Three union cards, Actors’ affiliated. And some cash.

After further examination the doctors approve his release. Paul is determined to return home, in hopes of regaining his memory and life. After he pays the hospital bill, though he is rousted and questioned by the police, and told to get on the first bus out of town. Paul lacks the money for a bus ticket to NY, and settles for a ticket east several towns away. He lands in a flea bag hotel, and must find immediate work for food, and lodging, and to save for a bus ticket to NYC.

He finds a job at a tannery, in shipping & receiving. “The work was hard, and he enjoyed it for that. He lifted heavy boxes, carried them to a prescribed place, and put them down again. He didn’t know what was in the boxes, and he didn’t care.” It took him away from his situation. … “He hadn’t forgotten to come to work, though the idea of it had frightened him. Between the time he’d left the hotel and the time he reported to work, he stayed close to the tannery… The card was punched with the time, and the clock rang a bell. He put the card back where he’d found it, and went over to the cubicle where he’d talked to the fat man, whose name he couldn’t now remember. … Then the work started, and it was hard and pleasurable. Pleasurable both because it forced him to use his body, and because it made no demands on his mind.” … In his room “The first thing he did was write a note: GO TO WORK AT TANNERY AT FOUR O’CLOCK EVERY DAY EXCEPT SUNDAY”.

Notes. “Every scrap he found he would write down, and then later he could go over what he had written and try to add to it. If his memory wouldn’t work right inside his head, maybe he could carry an extra memory around with him on pieces of paper.” … “Because his memory didn’t tell him as surely as it should about the past, he had a more pronounced feeling than did most people about the slowness of time; his stay in this town was exaggerated by his perception of time.” … “He felt now, eleven days after arriving here, that he had been in this place, worked in this building, for years, for decades, for a lifetime.”

Payday. “This isn’t right. I’m supposed to have thirty-two dollars, and I’ve got twenty-three. ... “Take a look at your pay slip. That white paper there. Thirty-two before deductions.”… “The first box was titled Gross Pay, and the number inside was $32.00. The second box was titled Withholding, and the number was $4.05. The fourth box was titled Social Security Withholding, and the number was $1.51. The fifth box was titled Group Health Insurance, and the number was $1.35. The seventh box was titled Union Dues, and the number was $2.00. The last box was titled Net Pay, and the number was $23.09.” -Tannery Loanshark. “You owe me ten bucks, champ. Remember? Ten a payday, four paydays.” Very dimly, he remembered. … “He said,
“I can’t give you any money. I didn’t get enough.” “That’s right, you didn’t work a full week. All right, champ, I tell you what I’ll do. You pay me the ten, and then I loan you eight, same basis, so you still owe me the ten, and we don’t have to renegotiate a new paper. See what I mean? You just give me two bucks, and it’s squared away, and you can start paying off next week.”

Circumstances. “Cole went upstairs and counted his money, and he had five dollars and twenty-three cents. He couldn’t even start saving for the bus ticket.” … “memories suddenly opened uninvited, and he remembered now that he had borrowed thirty-two dollars from Artie Bellman a week and a half ago, and that he’d given Bellman his watch for security, and that he’d had two or three dollars besides, and that the bus ticket to New York was thirty-three dollars and forty-two cents.” … “ he’d paid rent and bought food and now he didn’t have any money at all. He would pay Artie Bellman two dollars a week, and never owe him less than forty dollars. He was in quicksand, already in it up to his waist, and he was noticing it for the first time.” … “same situation, the exact same situation. He’d lost a part of his memory, and he needed that part of his memory so he could get quickly back to New York City and find that part of his memory.”

Out & About. “at the next corner there was a bar called Cole’s Tavern. Cole looked at the name on the window, surrounded by the red neon spelling out beer names, and he felt terrified. Looking at the name of the tavern, he felt such a terrible loneliness and loss that for a minute he was rooted there, unable to move, and the flesh of his face seemed to shrink, drawing his face into a grimace like an Oriental ogre mask.” At the tavern, he is introduced to Edna, she is quiet as is he, they become a pair.

But. “What he needed was to be in New York, surrounded by his friends, by the places and purposes and aura of his life.”

Departure. “choices you make in your life, they all seem big and important at the time, but as the years go by they all smooth out and things are pretty much as they would have been anyway. Every once in a while in a man’s life, he comes to a crossroads, you might say, a place where he’s got to make a decision about his whole future life.” … “It occurred to him that he would never punch out again, and this card of his would always be incomplete, like a hole in the world. The idea struck him funny, and he waited in good humor for the payline to form” … “Cole boarded the bus, and found it nearly empty. He picked the third seat back on the right-hand side, and sat there while the bus remained parked at the curb in front of the depot. That was a lovely moment, a safe and beautiful feeling, the best of both worlds; to be on the bus, but the bus not going anywhere.” … “Cole felt a sudden kind of pain, as though in jolting forward the bus had broken some sort of invisible cord between Cole and this town, and now both were falling free of each other, drifting apart like detritus around a spaceship.”

NY, NY (The Village) Grove Street. “he did feel faint intimations of visual memory, the stirring of belief that he had been in this building before. When he had been here, under what circumstances, for what purpose, he couldn’t tell. But everything he saw he seemed to recognize, as though seeing again a B-movie he had once sat through fifteen years before.” … “It was as though he’d been lost in a strange part of town, wandering and wandering, and had suddenly seen a landmark he knew; now the points of the compass will arrange themselves in meaningful pattern, everything will be familiar, the course will all at once become clear. Cole had been wandering, the points of the compass unknown, and here at last was his landmark.”

Life in the City. “Every stranger that passed him was a potential friend, who might suddenly call out his name and start talking happily to him about incomprehensibilities. Well, if it happened he would try to go along as best he could, making believe everything was all right, hoping he could carry it off. He had a terror of letting any of his old friends know about his present weakness.” … “ Cole came out of the Unemployment Insurance office feeling bitter and frustrated. In anything he tried to do, there were always necessities he hadn’t thought of, and in every contact he made with others of his species there was always a wall of either indifference or self-concentration that couldn’t be surmounted.”

Coping. “The bedroom was already spotted with notes, scotch-taped here and there to the walls. One near the bed told him to wind the clock. One near the door told him not to leave the place unlocked.” … “Another, the result of a sudden thought after he was already in bed last night, reminded him that seventy-five dollars rent was due the first of January, and that twenty-five dollars was owed Benny” … “And finally, one on the closet door told him to check off each day on the desk calendar, so he would always know the day of the week and the date.” … “He couldn’t read the books in the bookcase; he’d tried that and he lost the thread of everything, couldn’t stumble through two pages of a book without being baffled by what he was reading.” [The Horror]

Acting, truth serum & Dr.’s Prescription. “Memory is the actor’s one basic tool. He needs it to learn his role, for one thing. For another, from what I understand of the acting method popular today, it requires the actor to simulate a particular emotion by recalling an actual incident in his own past in which he felt that emotion in reality. In essence, you have no past to draw upon.”

Departure. Where does Cole go next? Read the book. Don’t forget.
Profile Image for Benjamin Thomas.
1,997 reviews369 followers
July 18, 2020
Well, this certainly wasn't what I was expecting. This is billed as Donald Westlake's "last" novel and while it is true that it was published posthumously, it was actually written in the 1960's and left unpublished due to his publisher's comment that it was too "literary".

It's neither a crime novel, nor a mystery per se. Or perhaps it is the grandest mystery of all. It depends on how one looks at it. Regardless it is noir fiction at its finest. The main character, an actor named Paul Cole, suffers an extreme memory loss in the first few pages due to a concussion he receives in a small Midwest town. This is not total amnesia like Jason Bourne or any number of other "I don't remember anything before Tuesday" plots. Rather, Paul's memory is fleeting. He forgets. Even though he learns new things since his concussion, he tends to lose them after just a few days. That sucks. He writes notes to himself to remind him of important appointments and people, etc. but that just barely serves to get him by. We follow day by day as Paul has to face what we would all take for granted. How does one earn money with no job and no previous addresses, etc? How do you even know where to go for information? Where are you going to sleep tonight? And then what if you forget where you are living once you do find a place? We readers yearn for his eventual success but roll with the punches just as Paul does...and go on hoping.

This is a tragic story. Paul struggles to save enough money to afford a bus ticket to New York because he knows that is where he belongs. He has a name and address in his wallet and he knows that if he can just get there, he will recognize people and places and his memory will return. But as he works his way methodically through that effort, his hopes and dreams keep failing to materialize.

The writing is excellent and the author excels at pulling the reader into the story. Ultimately, it's about finding yourself and finding who you want or need to be. It is, in fact, a literary work I suppose and a fine achievement.
Profile Image for Mihai.
69 reviews14 followers
April 29, 2021
Acum un mi-am zis catre sine: sine, trebuie sa citesti ceva de Donald Westlake.Am gasit un kindle deal pentru Memory si nu am regretat.Proza e simpla si directa dar povestea are ceva atat de trist incat uneori am avut impresia ca traiesc alaturi de personajul principal.Are o savoare de Steinbeck, dar fara comentariile lui sociale.Este o poveste despre memorie sau pierderea ei si despre efecte: ce se intampla cind trebuie s-o iei de la inceput de fiecare data, zilnic, la fiecare ora sau minut.Aici rautatea capata multe forme desi romanul nu are o morala anume, doar o poveste bine spusa, reala, fara artificiile atat de faimoase ale autorului, artificii literare frecvent utilizate in romanele sale Dortmunder/Parker.
Cred ca in Romania s-a tradus Vanatorul scris sub pseudonimul Stark dar Westlake straluceste in romanele sale singulare printre care si Forever and a Death si The Comedy is Over.
Memory e o carte excelenta la care ma gandesc si acum; ce-i drept povestea rezoneaza si din pricina unor amanunte personale dar asta nu inseamna ca cine o citeste nu se poate identifica usor cu evenimentele si trairile personajului principal.Nu degeaba Stephen King e fan Donald Westlake.
Si cred ca s-ar face un film excelent bazat pe Memory.
Profile Image for William Thomas.
1,231 reviews2 followers
October 1, 2011
Donald Westlake, also known as Richard Stark when writing the Parker novels, had this book of his posthumously published by Hard Case. I can understand why it was never published while he was alive. It just isn't finished. And I don't mean that the book is open-ended or that it wasn't written. The book itself is just a shell of a story, a vague outline of a novel that was on the way to becoming an existentialist noir opera. However, Westlake never got to finish the rewrites for "Memory". And I feel as if I shouldn't even rate it or review it seeing as how it isn't something DEW got to finish.

Don't read this. Go and find The Hot Rock or even Drowned Hopes (which is Dickensian in length, as if Westlake were being paid by the word, and is a little hard to finish). Go out and read any of the Parker novels. But don't spend your money or time on this unfinished, posthumous and underweight novel.
Profile Image for Allen Richards.
8 reviews1 follower
August 2, 2011
Perfect. Absolutely perfect.... well, if one can get past all the typos, but that's Hard Case's fault for letting them get past the proofreaders. The final published novel from Donald Westlake (although written in the 1960's) doesn't fit the classical "pulp" mold that Hard Case is known for, but it's easily my favorite title so far from both the writer and publisher. I can't remember reading a book that so perfectly captures both the frustration and desperation of the heroes predicament. It's nice to see a writer take chances with a character as sympathetic as Paul Cole, putting him through a story that grows worse and worse without resorting to amnesia cliches, and isn't afraid to keep happy endings out of reach from both Paul and readers. If you want to understand why Westlake was named a Grand Master by the Mystery Writers of America, check this one out.
Profile Image for Ben.
68 reviews9 followers
March 13, 2023
I've now read several books by DEW, and I'm a big fan. I like him for the ability to come up with a strange or unusual premise and then mine it for comedy. He can be counted on for good crime fiction with plenty of laughs thrown in. Nothing funny about Memory, though. Thank god that hard case crime published this little gem posthumously. They rescued an american classic from oblivion most likely out of a commitment to the work of the author, because it doesn't have much to do with crime. In my opinion this ranks with books like McTeague and Sister Carrie. The device of memory loss is used to point up the absurd tragedy of modern life; the dehumanizing effects of bureaucracy, money and society. Its The Jungle, An American Tragedy in a plain brown wrapper. Ten stars out of five!
Profile Image for Ross Cumming.
724 reviews22 followers
March 8, 2021
What drew me to this novel was that I recently read on social media, that Ryan Gosling was to produce and star in a film adaptation of the novel and therefore I knew i just had to read it before seeing the movie.
To be honest this is a difficult novel to review without disclosing too much of the plot. Basically Paul Cole is an actor with a touring repertoire company and is having an affair with a married woman. The woman's husband attacks Cole and he ends up in hospital but when he awakens he can remember little of the incident or of his previous life. He has a few reminders in his wallet and after being run out of town by the Police, as adultery is a crime in that state, he sets about trying to return to his home in New York and his old life.
Although this novel appears to get mixed reviews, I thoroughly enjoyed it and must admit that I was totally drawn into the story and could fully empathise with Cole's situation. The tale is noirish and even a bit pulpy in its telling but there is very little crime involved in the story, apart from the initial attack. Cole, because of the attack, becomes less confident in himself but in the new town where he initially settles, people just accept him for who he is without any preconceptions and accept him into their community. However when he finally finds his way back to his home in New York, because of the changes he has suffered, his colleagues and friends shun him once they discover he is no longer the person they originally knew. I must admit that I did suspect where the story would head, as Cole does retain some memory but there was a final twist at the end that thwarted what might have been a slightly corny ending. I fear however that a film adaptation may take the easier, more predictable route ?
One of the other things that has stuck with me from the novel was the 'man to man' talk that Cole has with Matt Malloy, his landlady's husband, about a mans place in life and his destiny and I thought it was very perceptive.
Profile Image for Heather Johnson.
37 reviews
August 29, 2025
Paul Cole!! Ugh my guy I was not ready for the end to happen as it did. Glad he was free but sad he didn’t end up back in Jeffords. Was so stressed the whole time he was in New York no one was genuine ugh what a life. Crazy business with the doctor and the truth serum. Wish there was more clarity on his dreams and the piece of metal besides the policeman wanting to figure out his identity..just felt like the ending could’ve came together better. Overall I really liked this story and it really makes you appreciate having genuine relationships with people you trust!!

Read along with Cory <3

“Whatever you lose, you need what you lost in order to find it. If you wear glasses and you lose your glasses, you need your glasses so you can see to look for your glasses.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
524 reviews14 followers
June 14, 2022
Extremely well-written book but unfortunately with a plot that went nowhere. Wouldn't say it was my favorite Donald Westlake. Here, an actor named Paul Cole, wakes up in a hospital after having been beaten with an inch of life by a jealous husband, after sleeping with a married woman. He has amnesia and once discharged, tries to make his way back to his home in New York City. I kept waiting for the character's life to improve, for his memory to return, but the darkness of the character remained...his circumstances always incredibly depressing. Wouldn't recommend:(
Profile Image for Peter Karlin.
533 reviews4 followers
March 7, 2021
Westlake’s last book was this unpublished 60s novel. It’s excellent, putting you right into the moment with an amnesiac. The POV never changes so you’re along for the ride. It’s also a moving portrait of American poverty and an indictment of the entertainment community. It’s about how you’re going to live your life and who you want to be. The ending is incredible.
Profile Image for Jason Bovberg.
Author 8 books121 followers
May 4, 2022
Fascinating novel about a man afflicted with trauma-induced amnesia, walking the reader through the agonizing paces of living day-to-day life with low to zero recall. MEMORY reminded me of the film Memento, particularly the way the protagonist leaves incessant notes to himself everywhere. Not a crime novel, per se, but a striking portrait of loss and yearning.
Profile Image for Brett Lambert.
78 reviews
February 11, 2024
Always been a fan of the Hard Case Crime series and this was quite well done. This noir story deals with amnesia and trying to get your memory back after a head injury. Since it’s noir, it doesn’t end all that great for the protagonist but it’s a compelling read for the reader.
Profile Image for Keith.
59 reviews1 follower
February 18, 2021
If a book has what I think is a bad ending, I will hate that book. It doesn't matter how good the story was right up until the ending. The bad ending of a tv show/movie/book will ruin the entire thing for me.

THIS BOOK HAD THE WORST ENDING OF ANY BOOK I HAVE EVER READ.

Just my opinion...
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