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Vordak the Incomprehensible #1
How to Grow Up and Rule the World, by Vordak the Incomprehensible
Slip on your acid-free gloves, make sure you have a duplicate copy of How to Grow Up and Rule the World (just in case something should happen to this one) and try to follow along as the incomparable, superior-in-all-ways Vordak the Incomprehensible teaches you a thing or two about villainy. Now you, too, can try (and fail) to attain Vordak's level of infamy.
From selecting the most dastardly name, to choosing the ideal henchmen, to engaging in witty repartee with disgustingly chipper superheroes, experienced supervillain Vordak the Incomprehensible guides readers step-by-step toward the ultimate goal of world domination (from his parents' basement in Trenton, New Jersey).
With chapter titles like "Bringing Out the Evil" and "Building a Top-Notch Evil Organization," numerous bold illustrations, and detailed quizzes to assess your level of dastardliness, this book provides everything necessary to rise above the masses, and then rub your ascent in their faces.
In return for this wealth of knowledge, Vordak requests nothing more than an honored place in the evil regime of he who achieves control of the world. (And, of course, the opportunity to assume command, should things not work out.)
From selecting the most dastardly name, to choosing the ideal henchmen, to engaging in witty repartee with disgustingly chipper superheroes, experienced supervillain Vordak the Incomprehensible guides readers step-by-step toward the ultimate goal of world domination (from his parents' basement in Trenton, New Jersey).
With chapter titles like "Bringing Out the Evil" and "Building a Top-Notch Evil Organization," numerous bold illustrations, and detailed quizzes to assess your level of dastardliness, this book provides everything necessary to rise above the masses, and then rub your ascent in their faces.
In return for this wealth of knowledge, Vordak requests nothing more than an honored place in the evil regime of he who achieves control of the world. (And, of course, the opportunity to assume command, should things not work out.)
208 pages, Hardcover
First published August 24, 2010
21 people are currently reading
906 people want to read
About the author
Vordak T. Incomprehensible
3 books12 followersVordak the Incomprehensible is a world-class Super Villain and the Evil Master of all he surveys. His previous writing includes his half of witty banter with various superheroes as well as numerous ultimatums to world leaders. This is his first book. His future projects include an autobiography tentatively titled A Life Vastly Superior to Yours as well as rewriting the literary classics War and Peace and The Grapes of Wrath in order to "make them better". His current whereabouts are unknown, where he is enjoying semi-retirement with his genetically altered dog, Armageddon.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 151 reviews
May 19, 2011
This book was delightfully hilarious. I actually got an arc at ALA from Vordak himself (who was wearing his very impressive costume), and he signed my book "Muahahahaha, Love, Vordak", but it took me 'til now to actually read it. I'm glad I did though, 'cause it's really well done.
Kinda similar in concept to Dr. Horrible, but this book is a non-fiction instruction manual on how to...well..grow up and rule the world. With advice about costume, evil laugh, lair, evil plans, and what to do once you've actually managed to take over the world, this book is not only hilarious, but useful!
The one thing that keeps me from giving it five stars instead of four is that it went on just a LITTLE too long, but the illustrations and delightfully evil hilarity kept me reading. I'd give this to any boy aged 4th grade through 8th grade, and I'm planning to book-talk it in school visits this spring.
Kinda similar in concept to Dr. Horrible, but this book is a non-fiction instruction manual on how to...well..grow up and rule the world. With advice about costume, evil laugh, lair, evil plans, and what to do once you've actually managed to take over the world, this book is not only hilarious, but useful!
The one thing that keeps me from giving it five stars instead of four is that it went on just a LITTLE too long, but the illustrations and delightfully evil hilarity kept me reading. I'd give this to any boy aged 4th grade through 8th grade, and I'm planning to book-talk it in school visits this spring.
May 24, 2012
Vordak/Scott Seegert. (2010). How to Grow Up and Rule the World. New York: Egmont.
196 pages.
Appetizer: Evil Vordak the Incomprehensible has some advise for all of us "inferior" ones: How to grow up and rule the world (in case you didn't figure it out by the book's title). While regularly asserting his superiority, Vordak provides essential information about any potential evil villain's behavior, costume, lair, laugh, plans, etc., as he or she seeks world domination.
This how-to guide includes contracts, quizzes, commandments, scenes that could be acted out, question and answer sections, charts and illustrations that will amuse readers. (I could particularly see third or fourth-grade boys who have just finished Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Captain Underpants or the Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians series loving this book.) I think this book's varied structure will keep kids engaged. (Although, every now and then, I did happen upon a page that confused me a little. Like this one from page 43...
It took me a minute to realize that the "no" and "yes" weren't a part of the dialogue on the page and were instead noting which was the appropriate response. I would have preferred if the 'no' answer were crossed out or something.)
I did also have trouble with the way gender (and nerds!) were presented. Scientists were picked on (I would have preferred if they were championed since mad scientists want to rule the world too!). But much worse, there really was no possibility presented that a female villain would want to rule the world (We have ambitious goals too!) I was willing to overlook this problem until I hit page 130. In this section, Vordak was recommending villain-types to include on a terrifying team. The last addition is: PICTURE
Sigh.
Inappropriate.
I know there are some people out there who would say I'm reading too much into this page (I know this for a fact, I occasionally get comment/email spam from such people who not so kindly request that I relax and not take little kids' books so seriously.) But for real, peeps. Children's literature is how young people make meaning about the world. The subtle messages are the ones that can be the most dangerous (as opposed to "promoting evil" which is repeated over and over again throughout the handbook and is easier to consciously critique). Pairing a supposedly beautiful woman with the suggestion to include her on a team based solely on appearance with the stipulation that she needs no skills is not cool.
I'll stop myself there.
I'd hate to get caught ranting.
For the most part, this is a fun bit of escapist reading for any reader who loves superheroes. One of the book's greatest strengths is Vordak's awesomely large vocabulary. While lots of young readers will not get every word, they'll be amused enough to keep reading and (dare I hope?!) look up the meaning of a word or two to add to their vocab to intimidate and prove their superiority to the "imbeciles."
Plus, one of Vordak's commandments involves playing with language.
Having said that though, I could see some parents having a problem with the book. Early on, Vordak asserts that all people have at least a little evil in them. Plus, a lot of Vordak's evil advice is on a small scale, like possibly saying, "Wow! You are one fat cow." to a lunch lady (p. 29). While I fully believe most young readers will find this hilarious and will simultaneously realize that this is not appropriate to actually say...there is also a small minority I could picture *actually* following through with some of Vordak's suggestions.
I'd still keep How to Grow Up and Rule the World on my classroom bookshelf though. I would probably mark the offensive "hire the woman because she looks good" page with some explanation points and even a "Not Cool" written in the margin to make my stance clear (and hope my students ask why I marked that page *fingers crossed!*). I think the book has great potential to get a reluctant reader enjoying reading! (I'd just also be ready to say, "This book is just for fun! If you *do* let any of the messages in this book--subtle or obvious--influence your behavior, do the exact opposite of what Vordak suggests! Mmm, kay?")
Dinner Conversation:
"Greetings, inferior one. I am Vordak the Incomprehensible. Who you are doesn't matter. What does matter is my dastardly decision to add the world of book publishing to my growing list of conquests. Without even trying very hard, I have created a book of such unbelievable brilliance that it dwarfs all other literature preceding it throughout the course of human history" (p. 1).
"I am tremendously proud of my heartless nature, and if you have any hopes of eventually becoming planetary dictator, you, too, will need to embrace your inner evil. I'm not talking "break your mother's favorite ceramic egg and blame it on your little brother" evil. I'm talking "willing to pull the moon into a collision course with the Earth by means of a powerful, nuclear-powered tractor beam in order to get your way" evil. I'm talking incredibly evil. Worse than your orthodontist" (p. 2).
"We Evil Masterminds work long, grueling hours developing our organizations and concocting our brilliantly evil plans, patiently biding our time for the ideal moment in which to strike. And then, in swoops the Superhero to thwart everything. No preparation. No planning. Nothing. He simply receives "the call" and off he goes, swooping and thwarting" (p. 73-74).
196 pages.
Appetizer: Evil Vordak the Incomprehensible has some advise for all of us "inferior" ones: How to grow up and rule the world (in case you didn't figure it out by the book's title). While regularly asserting his superiority, Vordak provides essential information about any potential evil villain's behavior, costume, lair, laugh, plans, etc., as he or she seeks world domination.
This how-to guide includes contracts, quizzes, commandments, scenes that could be acted out, question and answer sections, charts and illustrations that will amuse readers. (I could particularly see third or fourth-grade boys who have just finished Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Captain Underpants or the Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians series loving this book.) I think this book's varied structure will keep kids engaged. (Although, every now and then, I did happen upon a page that confused me a little. Like this one from page 43...
It took me a minute to realize that the "no" and "yes" weren't a part of the dialogue on the page and were instead noting which was the appropriate response. I would have preferred if the 'no' answer were crossed out or something.)
I did also have trouble with the way gender (and nerds!) were presented. Scientists were picked on (I would have preferred if they were championed since mad scientists want to rule the world too!). But much worse, there really was no possibility presented that a female villain would want to rule the world (We have ambitious goals too!) I was willing to overlook this problem until I hit page 130. In this section, Vordak was recommending villain-types to include on a terrifying team. The last addition is: PICTURE
Sigh.
Inappropriate.
I know there are some people out there who would say I'm reading too much into this page (I know this for a fact, I occasionally get comment/email spam from such people who not so kindly request that I relax and not take little kids' books so seriously.) But for real, peeps. Children's literature is how young people make meaning about the world. The subtle messages are the ones that can be the most dangerous (as opposed to "promoting evil" which is repeated over and over again throughout the handbook and is easier to consciously critique). Pairing a supposedly beautiful woman with the suggestion to include her on a team based solely on appearance with the stipulation that she needs no skills is not cool.
I'll stop myself there.
I'd hate to get caught ranting.
For the most part, this is a fun bit of escapist reading for any reader who loves superheroes. One of the book's greatest strengths is Vordak's awesomely large vocabulary. While lots of young readers will not get every word, they'll be amused enough to keep reading and (dare I hope?!) look up the meaning of a word or two to add to their vocab to intimidate and prove their superiority to the "imbeciles."
Plus, one of Vordak's commandments involves playing with language.
Having said that though, I could see some parents having a problem with the book. Early on, Vordak asserts that all people have at least a little evil in them. Plus, a lot of Vordak's evil advice is on a small scale, like possibly saying, "Wow! You are one fat cow." to a lunch lady (p. 29). While I fully believe most young readers will find this hilarious and will simultaneously realize that this is not appropriate to actually say...there is also a small minority I could picture *actually* following through with some of Vordak's suggestions.
I'd still keep How to Grow Up and Rule the World on my classroom bookshelf though. I would probably mark the offensive "hire the woman because she looks good" page with some explanation points and even a "Not Cool" written in the margin to make my stance clear (and hope my students ask why I marked that page *fingers crossed!*). I think the book has great potential to get a reluctant reader enjoying reading! (I'd just also be ready to say, "This book is just for fun! If you *do* let any of the messages in this book--subtle or obvious--influence your behavior, do the exact opposite of what Vordak suggests! Mmm, kay?")
Dinner Conversation:
"Greetings, inferior one. I am Vordak the Incomprehensible. Who you are doesn't matter. What does matter is my dastardly decision to add the world of book publishing to my growing list of conquests. Without even trying very hard, I have created a book of such unbelievable brilliance that it dwarfs all other literature preceding it throughout the course of human history" (p. 1).
"I am tremendously proud of my heartless nature, and if you have any hopes of eventually becoming planetary dictator, you, too, will need to embrace your inner evil. I'm not talking "break your mother's favorite ceramic egg and blame it on your little brother" evil. I'm talking "willing to pull the moon into a collision course with the Earth by means of a powerful, nuclear-powered tractor beam in order to get your way" evil. I'm talking incredibly evil. Worse than your orthodontist" (p. 2).
"We Evil Masterminds work long, grueling hours developing our organizations and concocting our brilliantly evil plans, patiently biding our time for the ideal moment in which to strike. And then, in swoops the Superhero to thwart everything. No preparation. No planning. Nothing. He simply receives "the call" and off he goes, swooping and thwarting" (p. 73-74).
July 21, 2010
I freely admit I don't read a lot of middle grade and young readers books, but I make an exception every now and again. I first heard of Vordak when (literary agent) Janet Reid began tweeting him. Then I saw a video of Vordak from BEA and I knew I had to have this book. As luck would have it, as I was at ALA, standing in line to meet Ally Condie & Andrea Cremer, who should walk by but his Incomprehensibleness himself. He stopped right in front of me, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He charmed everyone in line. I gleefully grabbed a copy of the book and my husband and I started flipping through it on the metro ride home.
This book is hilarious. Seriously, even the acknowledgments will make you laugh. I would assume this book is geared towards young boys, who will no doubt enjoy it fully, but I don't feel like they're the only ones that will.
Vordak's evil, but a wee bit bumbling and oh yeah-likable, even if he doesn't want to appear to be. I wouldn't recommend reading this book in public, especially if you're like me and have a laugh that makes people turn around and stare at you. There are tips for coming up with your evil name (I'm Tarmar the Impatient), how to fashion an evil costume, courses in minions and weaponry, all complete with wonderful and often hilarious illustrations.
This book is 8+-and some of the vocabulary is what I would consider advanced for the age, but then I thought about it. I was the type of kid who would badger my parents when I was reading something and didn't know what the word was. After five or ten times, my parents would get annoyed. Could this be Vordak's purpose? It would be small slice of evil if it were!
To sum up: I give Vordak 5/5 stars. I highly enjoyed it, and if you have a keen sense of humor, you probably will too. This book would be a great gift for the young person in your life-or anyone currently floundering in their own plans for world domination.
March 30, 2013
Scholastic should be ashamed to pump this stuff out. We are parents of kids that we want to raise in a sweet and loving household. We want them to be good citizens, show kindness, and be respectful.
This is the worst book that I have ever read, and the super-hero-like front cover got my 6 year old's eye. The worst mistake. The book calls kindness and empathy for others weak and for goobers, or losers. This isn't funny. It isn't even tolerable. With all of the great kid's books out there, this will be tossed after we bring it up with the school that they have to remove this from the next book fair.
This was sold at an elementary book fair, to our impressionable child. There has been criticism over the violence of video-games, or the sex and language of movies and TV shows, but the literature that is attempting to be handed to our kids has to be checked also. Adults have the discernment and judgement to be able to call this junk, or to indulge a goofy sense of humor, but if it is marketed to kids, then the company and author should have a higher degree of civic responsibility than to peddle this immature and disrespectful book.
I warn any parent, with the most sincere conviction, not to allow their kids to read or even own this book. It gives bad ideas and evil thoughts to our kids. I have a decent sense of humor, but as a parent I will never allow this handbook on narcissism, disrespect, and uncivil childishness in my home. Luckily it was on sale. This is junk, and Scott Seegert should stick to adult books. Would he allow his three kids to be subject to mindless rude behavior, violence to society, and disrespect if it was not written by him?
This is the worst book that I have ever read, and the super-hero-like front cover got my 6 year old's eye. The worst mistake. The book calls kindness and empathy for others weak and for goobers, or losers. This isn't funny. It isn't even tolerable. With all of the great kid's books out there, this will be tossed after we bring it up with the school that they have to remove this from the next book fair.
This was sold at an elementary book fair, to our impressionable child. There has been criticism over the violence of video-games, or the sex and language of movies and TV shows, but the literature that is attempting to be handed to our kids has to be checked also. Adults have the discernment and judgement to be able to call this junk, or to indulge a goofy sense of humor, but if it is marketed to kids, then the company and author should have a higher degree of civic responsibility than to peddle this immature and disrespectful book.
I warn any parent, with the most sincere conviction, not to allow their kids to read or even own this book. It gives bad ideas and evil thoughts to our kids. I have a decent sense of humor, but as a parent I will never allow this handbook on narcissism, disrespect, and uncivil childishness in my home. Luckily it was on sale. This is junk, and Scott Seegert should stick to adult books. Would he allow his three kids to be subject to mindless rude behavior, violence to society, and disrespect if it was not written by him?
December 7, 2010
How to Grow Up and Rule the World, by Vordak the Incomprehensible by Scott Seegert was recommended to me by many of my friends and they all said that it was amazing. I think that is started off slow but then it got so much better. This book is one of the funniest books I have read all year. The plot was not that great, but since the book was funny it made up for the bad plot. I think Scott Seegert did a good job pulling the reader in by the books great humor. Vordak is the guide on how to become an evil villan told by Vordak himself. It tells you how to be a jerk, where good lairs are, how to get loans from the bank of evil, how you should dress, and it even helps you pick out an evil name. I would give this book four stars because it was one of the funniest books I have ever read, but during some parts it was boring. I would recommend this book to anyone who can be patient and wait for the good parts.
May 21, 2012
Some parts of the book were tedious and repetitious, and I was thinking that a story might have been better than a "how-to" book. Then I got to the more ingenious bits and cracked up. My favorites include: the descriptions of superheroes "Lead Man" and "Lieutenant Colonel America" (yes, Avengers fans, you know exactly who we're spoofing) and the Supervillain Power Chart, which made me laugh out loud. There are also a number of gems in the illustrations. By the time I finished the book, my feelings towards the how-to format and Vordak's narration had warmed considerably. The length and the repetition may put some readers off, but this is one I could easily recommend to a number of younger readers, particularly lovers of ridiculous superheroes and supervillains.
September 23, 2010
An evil laugh is the first step to taking over the world. How to Grow Up and Take over the World is Maxwell's, my eight year old son, new favorite book. It has taken the coveted "Can I read it every night?" spot away from the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series. I received a galley of this book and instantly became my son's hero because he aspires to great world domination. This book will not be for everyone, but if you are fan of toilet humor, and also believe that Nick Naked is not a great super villian name and you have aspirations of taking over the world ... muahahahahahaha ... this might just be the book for you!
October 27, 2010
Many of my friends recommended Vordak to me because they said it was really funny. But to be honest, the beginning of Vordak wasn't very good. It was pretty boring because all Vordak did was basically say how great he was. But then, it slowly started getting from childish to funny.
Vordak by Scott Seegert is a humorous, odd, and hilariously fun book that gives you a break from regular books. The beginning of Vordak is a little childish, but the end makes you want to laugh out loud. I recommend this book to annoying who is struggling to find a fun book.
Vordak by Scott Seegert is a humorous, odd, and hilariously fun book that gives you a break from regular books. The beginning of Vordak is a little childish, but the end makes you want to laugh out loud. I recommend this book to annoying who is struggling to find a fun book.
October 12, 2010
I can't even speak to the quality of the illustrations or the writing in this book, mostly because I'm just giggling. It's dumb, it's silly, it's MAD magazine, it's engaging, it has been passed around the 4th grade like the lice epidemic we couldn't seem to get rid of two years ago. It even encourages creativity. EEEEVIL creativity. I do love this book.
January 13, 2011
Josh was just not into this book.
January 22, 2014
My kids all read and loved it, so I had heard many of the jokes already before I read it myself. Really fun. A good primer on taking over the world.
December 11, 2018
This is funny.
Oh, I mean some of the text is humorous but the funny part is that Vordak himself is so incompetent that his name should be Vordak the Incompetent. This is why he has never ruled the world. This is why Captain Virtue (who, as a side note, wears a lot better costume than Vordak) always escapes and defeats him.
Vordak explains how he thinks a supervillain should be. Any self-respecting supervillain should read this book and strive to do the opposite of everything that it advises. The book describes failure. It is written by a failed supervillain.
It name checks Dr. Evil which leads to my next point. Doctor Evil put a lot of work into being a supervillain. It wasn't all lemonade stands and burger jobs back in his day. He employed the best henchmen (RIP John Smith) and associated with other evil people regularly. Vordak just never has realised this step.
This is an amusing account of Vordak's ideas and failures. I would recommend it to any potential supervillain or superhero. For the laughs (evil ones) and also as a guide of what not to do.
Oh, I mean some of the text is humorous but the funny part is that Vordak himself is so incompetent that his name should be Vordak the Incompetent. This is why he has never ruled the world. This is why Captain Virtue (who, as a side note, wears a lot better costume than Vordak) always escapes and defeats him.
Vordak explains how he thinks a supervillain should be. Any self-respecting supervillain should read this book and strive to do the opposite of everything that it advises. The book describes failure. It is written by a failed supervillain.
It name checks Dr. Evil which leads to my next point. Doctor Evil put a lot of work into being a supervillain. It wasn't all lemonade stands and burger jobs back in his day. He employed the best henchmen (RIP John Smith) and associated with other evil people regularly. Vordak just never has realised this step.
This is an amusing account of Vordak's ideas and failures. I would recommend it to any potential supervillain or superhero. For the laughs (evil ones) and also as a guide of what not to do.
September 1, 2018
You have been graciously given a complete guide to becoming an evil world dictator by the infamous Vordak the Incomprehensible. Make yourself worthy and you too may learn to attire yourself in a properly villainous costume, combat the superheroic, and develop the perfect evil laugh. MWAHAHAHA!
The incomparable guide for supervillainy, How to Grow Up and Rule the World creates a comprehensive career path for future tyrannical dictators. With step-by-step instructions, a captive illustrator's renderings, and resources galore, success is imminent.
With lots of pictures, sarcasm, and ill-gotten advice, Vordak the Incomprehensible's guide is perfect for reluctant readers without a moral compass. Parents may with to preview the content to ensure that their child will not attempt any of the satirical stunts, especially the one that involves electrical outlets and cutlery.
The incomparable guide for supervillainy, How to Grow Up and Rule the World creates a comprehensive career path for future tyrannical dictators. With step-by-step instructions, a captive illustrator's renderings, and resources galore, success is imminent.
With lots of pictures, sarcasm, and ill-gotten advice, Vordak the Incomprehensible's guide is perfect for reluctant readers without a moral compass. Parents may with to preview the content to ensure that their child will not attempt any of the satirical stunts, especially the one that involves electrical outlets and cutlery.
July 29, 2020
Ich verstehe den Sinn dieses Buches nicht. Eine Anleitung, der Herrscher der Welt zu werden, die einerseits völlig überzogen ist, andererseits aber auch nicht lustig, sondern nur nervig.
Wenn man da tatsächlich sinnvolle Tipps (Selbstbewusstsein - denn sowas braucht ein Bösewicht - oder lustige Experimente - die harmlose Flaschenrakete ist der erste Schritt zum Raketensprengkopf, mit dem man Länder bedrohen kann) drin gehabt hätte, okay. Oder aber, wenn das rollenspielmäßig/Decide your Destiny-esk aufgebaut wäre, dann wäre das auch lustig. So aber enttarnt sich unser großer Meister schon nach wenigen Seiten als völliger Versager und danach hat das Buch weder Plot (also ist keine Geschichte), noch auch nur einen einzigen wirklichkeitsnahen Gedanken.
Absolut unnütz und dabei nicht einmal humorvoll.
Wenn man da tatsächlich sinnvolle Tipps (Selbstbewusstsein - denn sowas braucht ein Bösewicht - oder lustige Experimente - die harmlose Flaschenrakete ist der erste Schritt zum Raketensprengkopf, mit dem man Länder bedrohen kann) drin gehabt hätte, okay. Oder aber, wenn das rollenspielmäßig/Decide your Destiny-esk aufgebaut wäre, dann wäre das auch lustig. So aber enttarnt sich unser großer Meister schon nach wenigen Seiten als völliger Versager und danach hat das Buch weder Plot (also ist keine Geschichte), noch auch nur einen einzigen wirklichkeitsnahen Gedanken.
Absolut unnütz und dabei nicht einmal humorvoll.
April 21, 2019
This was really, really funny. It's not so much a novel as an instruction manual. The humor probably goes over better for people who know a bit about super heroes but who aren't huge fans. That's me, and I laughed out loud quite a bit. A very clever book.
One of my favorite bits was the supervillain power chart. Brilliant.
I do feel a little weird about the "how to bully people and become evil" theme, but it's so over-the-top and the narrator is so crazy and full of himself that I don't think most kids will really think that they should follow his advice.
One of my favorite bits was the supervillain power chart. Brilliant.
I do feel a little weird about the "how to bully people and become evil" theme, but it's so over-the-top and the narrator is so crazy and full of himself that I don't think most kids will really think that they should follow his advice.
January 17, 2025
From other reader reviews it looked promising, and if it had told more of Vordak's story I think I would have liked it. But a whole book of an instruction manual? One chapter might have been pretty good. I've played role-playing games and I could appreciate the parts about picking weapons, lair, etc. But on the whole I found it more boring than funny. Fortunately the second book in the series is much more interesting (I got them both from the library together, otherwise I doubt I'd have bothered checking out the second one), as it actually tells a story.
July 10, 2017
This book will not be for everyone... and you must take the narrator's type of humor in stride. However, it was funny and creative. It had some great text features and pieces of writing that would be awesome to use as mentor text to engage your students (especially superhero-loving kids and fans of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Big Nate, etc.).
September 26, 2018
This is a hilarious guide for how to rule the world with fashion tips, best secret lair plans, and how to practice your evil laugh.
For fans of Captain Underpants, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, or Despicable Me. Lots of fun and I snorted out loud multiple times while reading.
For fans of Captain Underpants, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, or Despicable Me. Lots of fun and I snorted out loud multiple times while reading.
January 11, 2019
While it wasn't exactly my normal read, this book had a delightful amount of snark in it. I gave it three stars, but my son (and future evil genius) gave it five...
March 10, 2021
I read this when I was younger. I remember thinking it was funny. I don't know why I'm adding it.
April 2, 2022
It's fun and is interesting
January 24, 2023
My kids love this book. Great vocabulary for kids to question their knowledge
March 8, 2020
very good book, very funny for children
November 27, 2010
My evil plan to rule the world includes influencing as many minds as possible by getting them to read the books that I like. So, my minion horde, you must help me find readers for this book. Start with yourself, of course, right away, then recommend it to everyone you see. You might think that freely spreading smiles and laughter is not the mark of evil, but that’s all part of my plan’s ingenious, insidious enticement. By exposing you to this evil guide by Vordak the Incomprehensible, I will both influence your thinking so it is more in line with my own and gain your trust as a source of reliable recommendations. Unless you are an entirely pathetic, ignorant whelp, you will find yourself enlightened and amused by this guide, and I, Malzor the Unmercifully Heartless,* will be one step closer to joining the ranks of Darth Vader, Dr. Evil, MegaMind, Lex Luthor, Magneto, Dr. Horrible, Professor Poopypants, Alfred E. Neuman, and Wimpy Kid. Then it won’t be long until you are holding weekly parades in my honor so that all may bask in the splendor of my magnificent majesty, the magnificence of my majestic splendor, or the majesty or my splendiferous magnificence.
I’ll even, in my magnanimous wisdom, share a free tidbit or two to tempt you:
If there is one thing a Superhero enjoys more than anything about battling a Supervillain, it’s the clever dialogue. Well, he probably enjoys punching the Supervillain repeatedly in the face a bit more, but that’s it . . . aside from trashing the Supervillain’s lair. And maybe beating up his henchmen. But clever dialogue is definitely right up there.
Since you will be facing off against your own arch-nemesis with great frequency, it is important that you learn to hold your own in the verbal arena and not become trapped in his web of clichés. . . .
(From Chapter 3: “SUPERHEROES—Noble Upholders of Justice or Big, Fat, Stupid Jerks?”)
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This chaptabulous chapter’s mind-numbing know-how will have you assembling a first-rate band of bad guys in no time.
[Sidenote: Eleventh Commandment of Incomprehensibility
From time to time it will become necessary to create a powerful new adjective, such as chaptabulous, in order to maintain your air of vocabulatory superiority—particularly when you cannot find your Thesaurus of Evil.]
(From Chapter 5: “Building a Top-Notch EVIL Organization”)
---
*My new moniker, established via Vordak the Incomprehensible’s Inconceivably Evil Evil Name Generator (See Chapter 2: “Getting a Jump on Your EVIL Career”)
I’ll even, in my magnanimous wisdom, share a free tidbit or two to tempt you:
If there is one thing a Superhero enjoys more than anything about battling a Supervillain, it’s the clever dialogue. Well, he probably enjoys punching the Supervillain repeatedly in the face a bit more, but that’s it . . . aside from trashing the Supervillain’s lair. And maybe beating up his henchmen. But clever dialogue is definitely right up there.
Since you will be facing off against your own arch-nemesis with great frequency, it is important that you learn to hold your own in the verbal arena and not become trapped in his web of clichés. . . .
(From Chapter 3: “SUPERHEROES—Noble Upholders of Justice or Big, Fat, Stupid Jerks?”)
---
This chaptabulous chapter’s mind-numbing know-how will have you assembling a first-rate band of bad guys in no time.
[Sidenote: Eleventh Commandment of Incomprehensibility
From time to time it will become necessary to create a powerful new adjective, such as chaptabulous, in order to maintain your air of vocabulatory superiority—particularly when you cannot find your Thesaurus of Evil.]
(From Chapter 5: “Building a Top-Notch EVIL Organization”)
---
*My new moniker, established via Vordak the Incomprehensible’s Inconceivably Evil Evil Name Generator (See Chapter 2: “Getting a Jump on Your EVIL Career”)
April 5, 2012
The book is filled with laughs and creativity. It’s about this super evil villain called Vordak the Incomprehensible who instructs the reader to TAKE over the world. I read it over and over again. I also recommend it for children 7, 8, and 9 but go ahead and give it to your children if you dare. He even made these cool poems I might read this book right now because it's right here now. One of the poems consists the form of an acrostic it spells the word superhero and says things that describe it but since it's a super villain's point of view it says :
“Stupid
Ugly
Pig-kissing
Earwax-eating
Rear-end-scratching
Handkerchief-licking
Elephant-snot-flinging
Rump-sniffing
Old buttface”
I didn't make that up but it was cool. I love it.
And there’s one more thing it has you sign an agreement that says, and I quote:.........are you listening? “in the that event that my mastery of the incomparable wisdom contained within these pages leads to my becoming EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD (MUAHAHAHAHA!!)do I hereby agree to appoint Vordack the Incomprehensible to the position of Second in Command (otherwise known as “Number 2’’, “Right Hand Man,” “Second Banana,” “Mr. Fancy Pants”) inclusive of all rights and privileges to which in position is entitled, including a private office full health benefits a reserved parking space and the IMMEDIATE ASCENSION to the position of EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD (MUAHAHAHAHA!!) in the event that I were to die suddenly in some totally unexpected manner such as being poisoned, having my brake lines cut, being pushed down a well, having plutonium injected into my bloodstream, being encased in cement and being dropped into the Mariana Trench, being dismembered by a previously obedient domestic robot, having my body fluids slowly and painfully drained by a giant, mutated spider while I lay paralyzed in bed, or anything else he might think of.” Are you still reading this? At the end he says he’ll be back and won’t be packing light. He also reminds you about that agreement we talked about. And so he brings a well, a domesticated robot, a giant spider, pliers, a cement dumper, and a giant shot filled with, yup you guessed it, plutonium, so he plans to kill the reader not really but in the book. And obtain the position of EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD because it says in the agreement that if you not literally but in the book die he becomes EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD. So he’s going to kill you with all those different things YAAAAY and obtain the position of evil ruler of the world.
“Stupid
Ugly
Pig-kissing
Earwax-eating
Rear-end-scratching
Handkerchief-licking
Elephant-snot-flinging
Rump-sniffing
Old buttface”
I didn't make that up but it was cool. I love it.
And there’s one more thing it has you sign an agreement that says, and I quote:.........are you listening? “in the that event that my mastery of the incomparable wisdom contained within these pages leads to my becoming EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD (MUAHAHAHAHA!!)do I hereby agree to appoint Vordack the Incomprehensible to the position of Second in Command (otherwise known as “Number 2’’, “Right Hand Man,” “Second Banana,” “Mr. Fancy Pants”) inclusive of all rights and privileges to which in position is entitled, including a private office full health benefits a reserved parking space and the IMMEDIATE ASCENSION to the position of EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD (MUAHAHAHAHA!!) in the event that I were to die suddenly in some totally unexpected manner such as being poisoned, having my brake lines cut, being pushed down a well, having plutonium injected into my bloodstream, being encased in cement and being dropped into the Mariana Trench, being dismembered by a previously obedient domestic robot, having my body fluids slowly and painfully drained by a giant, mutated spider while I lay paralyzed in bed, or anything else he might think of.” Are you still reading this? At the end he says he’ll be back and won’t be packing light. He also reminds you about that agreement we talked about. And so he brings a well, a domesticated robot, a giant spider, pliers, a cement dumper, and a giant shot filled with, yup you guessed it, plutonium, so he plans to kill the reader not really but in the book. And obtain the position of EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD because it says in the agreement that if you not literally but in the book die he becomes EVIL RULER OF THE WORLD. So he’s going to kill you with all those different things YAAAAY and obtain the position of evil ruler of the world.
February 24, 2017
Really high vocabulary. I liked it.
October 11, 2010
This has got to be the most brilliantly evil, magnificent, diabolical, monumental, book I've ever read on taking over the world (I needed to exaggerate a little, as all Evil villains do this). I used those "big" words just for Vordak. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Not only has Vordak taught me how to properly do the evil laugh, but he is hysterical, something I'm sure he'd rather not have mentioned. I'm sorry Vordak, you had me with your booming voice, and great taking over the world tactics, but your humor won me over!
Vordak will not only appeal to young readers (who will want to take over the world), but he provide the humor parents need in raising their young minions (another Vordak word). Here's what Vordak taught me and my top 10 reasons for recommending Vordak and in no order:
1) Vordak's evil costume. Who wouldn't want to have a super villain helmet and cape like his!?!?
2) The Cover- I wish I could stand on top of the world and look that good.
3) Don't know how to do the evil laugh? Vordak will teach you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH -that laugh is plain genius
4) Vordak's evil name selection. I'd like to be known as the "Ruthless, Unmerciful, Magnificent Book Reviewer"
5) Vordak's evil lair selection and how to raise money for it. If I had known how much to charge for babysitting when I was growing up, I'd be retired right now.
6) I learned that I don't need 10,000+ minions to build my top notch Evil Organization- I have kids!*insert Vordak's evil laugh*
7) Vordak worked hard in school and played basketball at Duke (what a role model).
8) I now know how to communicate with my Arch-Nemesis (can bill paying count as Arch Nemesis?).
9) I know which super villains I need to stay clear of, thank you to Vordak's misfortunes.
10) When ever I need a good laugh, I will be sure to pick up Vordak The Incomprehensible, How To Grow Up and Rule The World.
Vordak will not only appeal to young readers (who will want to take over the world), but he provide the humor parents need in raising their young minions (another Vordak word). Here's what Vordak taught me and my top 10 reasons for recommending Vordak and in no order:
1) Vordak's evil costume. Who wouldn't want to have a super villain helmet and cape like his!?!?
2) The Cover- I wish I could stand on top of the world and look that good.
3) Don't know how to do the evil laugh? Vordak will teach you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH -that laugh is plain genius
4) Vordak's evil name selection. I'd like to be known as the "Ruthless, Unmerciful, Magnificent Book Reviewer"
5) Vordak's evil lair selection and how to raise money for it. If I had known how much to charge for babysitting when I was growing up, I'd be retired right now.
6) I learned that I don't need 10,000+ minions to build my top notch Evil Organization- I have kids!*insert Vordak's evil laugh*
7) Vordak worked hard in school and played basketball at Duke (what a role model).
8) I now know how to communicate with my Arch-Nemesis (can bill paying count as Arch Nemesis?).
9) I know which super villains I need to stay clear of, thank you to Vordak's misfortunes.
10) When ever I need a good laugh, I will be sure to pick up Vordak The Incomprehensible, How To Grow Up and Rule The World.
December 1, 2010
This has got to be the most brilliantly evil, magnificent, diabolical, monumental, book I've ever read on taking over the world (I needed to exaggerate a little, as all Evil villains do this). I used those "big" words just for Vordak. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Not only has Vordak taught me how to properly do the evil laugh, but he is hysterical, something I'm sure he'd rather not have mentioned. I'm sorry Vordak, you had me with your booming voice, and great taking over the world tactics, but your humor won me over!
Vordak will not only appeal to young readers (who will want to take over the world), but he provide the humor parents need in raising their young minions (another Vordak word). Here's what Vordak taught me and my top 10 reasons for recommending Vordak and in no order:
1) Vordak's evil costume. Who wouldn't want to have a super villain helmet and cape like his!?!?
2) The Cover- I wish I could stand on top of the world and look that good.
3) Don't know how to do the evil laugh? Vordak will teach you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH -that laugh is plain genius
4) Vordak's evil name selection. I'd like to be known as the "Ruthless, Unmerciful, Magnificent Book Reviewer"
5) Vordak's evil lair selection and how to raise money for it. If I had known how much to charge for babysitting when I was growing up, I'd be retired right now.
6) I learned that I don't need 10,000+ minions to build my top notch Evil Organization- I have kids!*insert Vordak's evil laugh*
7) Vordak worked hard in school and played basketball at Duke (what a role model).
8) I now know how to communicate with my Arch-Nemesis (can bill paying count as Arch Nemesis?).
9) I know which super villains I need to stay clear of, thank you to Vordak's misfortunes.
10) When ever I need a good laugh, I will be sure to pick up Vordak The Incomprehensible, How To Grow Up and Rule The World.
Vordak will not only appeal to young readers (who will want to take over the world), but he provide the humor parents need in raising their young minions (another Vordak word). Here's what Vordak taught me and my top 10 reasons for recommending Vordak and in no order:
1) Vordak's evil costume. Who wouldn't want to have a super villain helmet and cape like his!?!?
2) The Cover- I wish I could stand on top of the world and look that good.
3) Don't know how to do the evil laugh? Vordak will teach you. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH -that laugh is plain genius
4) Vordak's evil name selection. I'd like to be known as the "Ruthless, Unmerciful, Magnificent Book Reviewer"
5) Vordak's evil lair selection and how to raise money for it. If I had known how much to charge for babysitting when I was growing up, I'd be retired right now.
6) I learned that I don't need 10,000+ minions to build my top notch Evil Organization- I have kids!*insert Vordak's evil laugh*
7) Vordak worked hard in school and played basketball at Duke (what a role model).
8) I now know how to communicate with my Arch-Nemesis (can bill paying count as Arch Nemesis?).
9) I know which super villains I need to stay clear of, thank you to Vordak's misfortunes.
10) When ever I need a good laugh, I will be sure to pick up Vordak The Incomprehensible, How To Grow Up and Rule The World.
November 10, 2010
Looking for a fun, short read? Well, How to Grow Up and Rule the World offers just that. Vordak takes the reader on a step by step how-to in order for the reader to gain knowledge on how to successfully achieve power over the world. Due to some circumstances Vordak the Incomprehensible is unable to continue his quest for world dominance so he has written this amazingly evil book for a future ruler. Or should I say his captives have written and illustrated this book?
I really enjoyed reading How to Grow Up and Rule the World. Laughing to myself until my family looked at me weirdly? Yep, this definitely happened. Vordak is hilarious and I know he'd dislike me for saying this but its true. He manages to have a serious tone but I found it hard not to laugh at some points. For example: When you are given a quiz Vordak demands you not write in the book or else. That you must keep the book in perfect condition and it has to be kept safe like in a glass showcase. The illustrations were also very funny to look at. The illustrations and the humor of this book made reading a breeze. Everything you need to know about a villian's life is in Vordak's book. Which could possibly more than meets the eye.
Even though this book is geared toward young kids, I'd recommend this book to older readers as well. Families could have some fun reading this book together. My only warning is that I hope no one takes Vordak's advice because it could get you into trouble. The humor, quizzes, steps, and illustrations all make How to Grow Up and Rule the World an evilly, incredible, great, and fun read. Oh, and watch out for the shocking ending!
I really enjoyed reading How to Grow Up and Rule the World. Laughing to myself until my family looked at me weirdly? Yep, this definitely happened. Vordak is hilarious and I know he'd dislike me for saying this but its true. He manages to have a serious tone but I found it hard not to laugh at some points. For example: When you are given a quiz Vordak demands you not write in the book or else. That you must keep the book in perfect condition and it has to be kept safe like in a glass showcase. The illustrations were also very funny to look at. The illustrations and the humor of this book made reading a breeze. Everything you need to know about a villian's life is in Vordak's book. Which could possibly more than meets the eye.
Even though this book is geared toward young kids, I'd recommend this book to older readers as well. Families could have some fun reading this book together. My only warning is that I hope no one takes Vordak's advice because it could get you into trouble. The humor, quizzes, steps, and illustrations all make How to Grow Up and Rule the World an evilly, incredible, great, and fun read. Oh, and watch out for the shocking ending!
July 23, 2011
I bought this book for my 10 year old. He has in the past enjoyed illustrated/snarky humor books like Captain Underpants and Diary of A Wimpy kid. So I figured he'd enjoy this one as well.
I read it before giving it to him and while the humor isn't directed to my 40-something self, I can still appreciate the over-the-top pronouncements:
"I demand that tremendous care be taken while reading my masterpiece. Wear only gloves made from the finest acid-free Ethiopian ibex hair when handling the book. No other clothing--just the gloves."
or
"This chaptabulous chapter’s mind-numbing know-how will have you assembling a first-rate band of bad guys in no time."
And the various instructions that are de rigueur in your quest for EVIL masterminding such as:
- Building a Top-Notch EVIL Organization ("At times they can be difficult to control, but at their best they can be a relentless plague upon civilization”)
- What to wear when being EVIL (your choice of dark black, black, light black or dark, dark, dark, dark gray.)
- How to laugh evilly: MUAHAHAHAHAHAH
- How to create and finance your EVIL lair
and so on...
It is absurd, hysterical and appropriately illustrated and my kid loved it.
On a more serious parental note, I appreciate the vocabulary included in the book. Big three and four syllable words that forced my kid to sometimes ask what something meant even if he could figure it out in context.
Good book. Recommend!
I read it before giving it to him and while the humor isn't directed to my 40-something self, I can still appreciate the over-the-top pronouncements:
"I demand that tremendous care be taken while reading my masterpiece. Wear only gloves made from the finest acid-free Ethiopian ibex hair when handling the book. No other clothing--just the gloves."
or
"This chaptabulous chapter’s mind-numbing know-how will have you assembling a first-rate band of bad guys in no time."
And the various instructions that are de rigueur in your quest for EVIL masterminding such as:
- Building a Top-Notch EVIL Organization ("At times they can be difficult to control, but at their best they can be a relentless plague upon civilization”)
- What to wear when being EVIL (your choice of dark black, black, light black or dark, dark, dark, dark gray.)
- How to laugh evilly: MUAHAHAHAHAHAH
- How to create and finance your EVIL lair
and so on...
It is absurd, hysterical and appropriately illustrated and my kid loved it.
On a more serious parental note, I appreciate the vocabulary included in the book. Big three and four syllable words that forced my kid to sometimes ask what something meant even if he could figure it out in context.
Good book. Recommend!
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