What do you think?
Rate this book
Fluids
A woman, desperate for companionship. Another woman desperate for acceptance. Love and obsession quickly spiral out of control in this psychedelic horror story by musician and horror personality May Leitz. Written in an often stream of consciousness style, FLUIDS tells the story of what despair truly looks like.
The content within this book will shock you and it is not for the faint of heart or stomach.
The content within this book will shock you and it is not for the faint of heart or stomach.
191 pages, Paperback
First published March 13, 2022
146 people are currently reading
8187 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 507 reviews
April 23, 2025
This was nothing else I’ve ever read. The variety of mental health issues it covers is such a wide spectrum. Anyone sensitive to body image issues, substance abuse, suicide, codependence, toxic relationships, etc and even rape should be cautious here. I truly enjoyed the first portion of the book where we met our main character Lauren and go head first into her mind. I think that it also demonstrated the perfect verbiage and thought process of someone with severe mental illness. Just a constant barrage of racing thoughts, conflicted emotions, self-loathing, and uncertainty. Then she finds this person, Dahlia, whom she creates an immediate infatuation with and things just progress from bad to worse, as we accompany Lauren on a one way ride to total self-destruction. And she takes everyone else along for the ride. And the latter portions of the book are equivalent to experiencing an acid trip, where names and identities are shifted around and you are totally disoriented, unsure of what is reality versus the dellusions of a very ill individual. I also really appreciated the incorporation of a transgender character here, and thought it was fully explored, making for a very unique addition to the book. While I don’t think this is for everyone, I think fans of psychological thrillers who are in the mood for a very different and intense outing will have some good takeaways.
August 14, 2023
“She was the last person anyone should meet accidentally.”
Fluids was such an angry, vile, nauseating reading experience that had me full body cringing more than a few times. Many points I was just sitting there muttering, “Oh god oh shit no not that oh no”, while my fiancé looked at me worriedly 😂 best way I can describe it is like an extreme horror version of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark. It also gives major Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z Brite vibes.
Personally, I LOVED the writing style. It’s a 1st person narrative from the POV of our two MC’s, and it’s VERY stream of consciousness, and the POVs are so disjointed and surreal and almost fever dreamish that it all just really worked for me. I read 64% of it in one sitting but had to stop myself last night or else I knew I was going to have some GNARLY dreams 😂😅
This is NOT for the faint hearted. TW’s include but are not limited to: vomit/excrement, graphic SA, gore including some wicked injury details and dismemberment, torture, and some of the most extreme toxic relationships I’ve read.
Fluids was such an angry, vile, nauseating reading experience that had me full body cringing more than a few times. Many points I was just sitting there muttering, “Oh god oh shit no not that oh no”, while my fiancé looked at me worriedly 😂 best way I can describe it is like an extreme horror version of Boy Parts by Eliza Clark. It also gives major Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z Brite vibes.
Personally, I LOVED the writing style. It’s a 1st person narrative from the POV of our two MC’s, and it’s VERY stream of consciousness, and the POVs are so disjointed and surreal and almost fever dreamish that it all just really worked for me. I read 64% of it in one sitting but had to stop myself last night or else I knew I was going to have some GNARLY dreams 😂😅
This is NOT for the faint hearted. TW’s include but are not limited to: vomit/excrement, graphic SA, gore including some wicked injury details and dismemberment, torture, and some of the most extreme toxic relationships I’ve read.
June 5, 2022
Content warnings: Violence, abuse, emetophobia, eating disorders
The dreams I had at 5 a.m., after reading 75% of this book and succumbing to sleep, were...interesting.
I am a big fan of body/shock horror that has body dysmorphia as a theme. Dahlia states she has it, but Lauren's struggles with her body and her vomiting, while uncomfortable to read, resonated with me as someone who has struggled with digestive disorders and disordered eating when I was in high school.
This gave me vibes like Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite/Billy Martin. Graphic, but also poetic. Heartwarming in a strange way?
For a queer transgressive book, it Goes There without relishing in certain bodily excrement like Edward Lee—though blood is fair game.
This is also a very socially conscious exploitation book, which is impressive to me. Queerness in B-movie stuff isn't surprising because media like that offered transgression that main studios didn't allow.
However, it's rare that I'd say a story like this is... uplifting? There's a very careful, enviable balance struck here that feels difficult to pull off, that line between the extreme and obscene and being respectful. The book is very conscious of the extremes it goes into while not feeling like it's written by someone giving the reader a middle finger.
It's basically, at its core, about a young trans woman named Dahlia, who falls in love with Lauren. Lauren molds Dahlia into what she needs, since she feels that she's essentially a walking void.
This leads to disastrous results for Dahlia, who suffers awful abuse and is left for dead thanks to trying to fulfill Lauren's plans. Essentially, though Lauren doesn't intend to hurt her, her schemes end up ignoring Dahlia's needs and traumatizing her. Dahlia, inexperienced, just goes along because she has no other support.
Therefore, at the end, Dahlia realizes she's better off without a selfish partner and gains a sense of worth and autonomy. Lauren entirely self-destructs because centering worth on one person is inherently unstable.
I'm also reminded of In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, which deals with the theme of being afraid of writing about abusive queer relationships (even autobiographically) because there is a pressure to show all LGBT romance as positive, or else you're "proving the homophobes right."
Similarly, I think there's a pressure to have queer couples end off well because of how rare this has been.
However, I liked that Fluids shows the thin line between needing trans rep where trans people are shown worthy of love and the pitfall of relying on external validation to prove your worth. As a nonbinary person, I've struggled with this, until I've realized recently that the way others perceive me is a story they tell themselves, and that their rejection is a reflection of them, not my own worth.
Essentially, Dahlia craves someone to care for her and accept her as she is, and Lauren is desperate for purpose. Lauren uses Dahlia, and Dahlia realizes being on her own but self-possessed is better than being in a bad relationship for the sake of proving she's lovable.
Yes, we need positive romances for queer people, and trans people deserve support, but we must be careful that we don't get the message across that LGBT are only validated when they've found true love. This can lead to the extension of toxic relationships because of the idea that being alone is anathema or a personal failure. Or proof that your homophobic parents were right. So many lonely queer people have found themselves staying in bad relationships and communities and then blamed themselves for being the "bad gay."
There are other things I admire about this story, too, like showing gender performativity and the instability of perceptions of identity by having the main characters change roles and names during each act. That was a cool touch.
As for criticisms, there were some minor typos. Also, for the ebook, the spaces when there was a POV change were so small I often got confused over whether Lauren or Dahlia were speaking. I could guess with context, but I wonder if the ebook could have more of a giveaway. I don't know if this is something that pops up in the paperback. In the beginning, with the switching between thoughts and chat messages, there were indentation errors.
As for the prose, it was visceral and engaging and raw in a way I loved. The characters felt like real people; as hard as I am on Lauren, I was completely transfixed by her POV and saw how her mind got to where it was. I felt completely immersed in her head. After all, it was the preview for her first chapter that got me to buy the book.
The story has a 1970s Italian film dream-logic, but sometimes, especially during transitions, I needed more of a description of setting and character positions. I got confused but propelled through because I was hooked on seeing what happened next.
I read this one in a day (well, morning, between a weird dream) and would recommend it if you like transgressive and explicit horror. Of course, heed the content warnings on the cover.
The dreams I had at 5 a.m., after reading 75% of this book and succumbing to sleep, were...interesting.
I am a big fan of body/shock horror that has body dysmorphia as a theme. Dahlia states she has it, but Lauren's struggles with her body and her vomiting, while uncomfortable to read, resonated with me as someone who has struggled with digestive disorders and disordered eating when I was in high school.
This gave me vibes like Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite/Billy Martin. Graphic, but also poetic. Heartwarming in a strange way?
For a queer transgressive book, it Goes There without relishing in certain bodily excrement like Edward Lee—though blood is fair game.
This is also a very socially conscious exploitation book, which is impressive to me. Queerness in B-movie stuff isn't surprising because media like that offered transgression that main studios didn't allow.
However, it's rare that I'd say a story like this is... uplifting? There's a very careful, enviable balance struck here that feels difficult to pull off, that line between the extreme and obscene and being respectful. The book is very conscious of the extremes it goes into while not feeling like it's written by someone giving the reader a middle finger.
It's basically, at its core, about a young trans woman named Dahlia, who falls in love with Lauren. Lauren molds Dahlia into what she needs, since she feels that she's essentially a walking void.
This leads to disastrous results for Dahlia, who suffers awful abuse and is left for dead thanks to trying to fulfill Lauren's plans. Essentially, though Lauren doesn't intend to hurt her, her schemes end up ignoring Dahlia's needs and traumatizing her. Dahlia, inexperienced, just goes along because she has no other support.
Therefore, at the end, Dahlia realizes she's better off without a selfish partner and gains a sense of worth and autonomy. Lauren entirely self-destructs because centering worth on one person is inherently unstable.
I'm also reminded of In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, which deals with the theme of being afraid of writing about abusive queer relationships (even autobiographically) because there is a pressure to show all LGBT romance as positive, or else you're "proving the homophobes right."
Similarly, I think there's a pressure to have queer couples end off well because of how rare this has been.
However, I liked that Fluids shows the thin line between needing trans rep where trans people are shown worthy of love and the pitfall of relying on external validation to prove your worth. As a nonbinary person, I've struggled with this, until I've realized recently that the way others perceive me is a story they tell themselves, and that their rejection is a reflection of them, not my own worth.
Essentially, Dahlia craves someone to care for her and accept her as she is, and Lauren is desperate for purpose. Lauren uses Dahlia, and Dahlia realizes being on her own but self-possessed is better than being in a bad relationship for the sake of proving she's lovable.
Yes, we need positive romances for queer people, and trans people deserve support, but we must be careful that we don't get the message across that LGBT are only validated when they've found true love. This can lead to the extension of toxic relationships because of the idea that being alone is anathema or a personal failure. Or proof that your homophobic parents were right. So many lonely queer people have found themselves staying in bad relationships and communities and then blamed themselves for being the "bad gay."
There are other things I admire about this story, too, like showing gender performativity and the instability of perceptions of identity by having the main characters change roles and names during each act. That was a cool touch.
As for criticisms, there were some minor typos. Also, for the ebook, the spaces when there was a POV change were so small I often got confused over whether Lauren or Dahlia were speaking. I could guess with context, but I wonder if the ebook could have more of a giveaway. I don't know if this is something that pops up in the paperback. In the beginning, with the switching between thoughts and chat messages, there were indentation errors.
As for the prose, it was visceral and engaging and raw in a way I loved. The characters felt like real people; as hard as I am on Lauren, I was completely transfixed by her POV and saw how her mind got to where it was. I felt completely immersed in her head. After all, it was the preview for her first chapter that got me to buy the book.
The story has a 1970s Italian film dream-logic, but sometimes, especially during transitions, I needed more of a description of setting and character positions. I got confused but propelled through because I was hooked on seeing what happened next.
I read this one in a day (well, morning, between a weird dream) and would recommend it if you like transgressive and explicit horror. Of course, heed the content warnings on the cover.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 18, 2022
Once again, we're looking at a self-published book that badly, *badly* needed better copyediting, but this time I'm pleased to report it's such a raw, nauseating, punk thrill ride that I barely minded! (Also: MAY LEITZ, if you're reading this and if you're writing another book, HMU, I will copyedit it for free, and this isn't a joke offer!)
Anyway, this is very much in the tradition of literature like Poppy Z. Brite's EXQUISITE CORPSE, both in terms of exploring the downward spiral of an unbelievably toxic gay relationship with a body count (the murder kind), and in terms of enormous amounts of graphic, eroticized grue and gore. Instead of Brite's lush, almost overripe descriptive prose, though, Leitz writes with the stripped down dissociative distance of Sayaka Murata's EARTHLINGS or Chuck Palahniuk's HAUNTED. It works well for her extremely online, extremely checked-out characters: timid, depressed, traumatized (and briefly amnesiac) Dahlia and Lauren, who has what a psychiatrist would probably label multiple cluster B personality disorders.
Though Lauren shakes out as the villain of the piece, Leitz's depiction of her mood swings, delusions, and intense, aching, unsatisfiable need for love is compassionate and uncomfortably easy to relate to at points. Dahlia, meanwhile, has a great significant/referential name, equally recognizable and true-to-life ugly emotions, and a surprisingly uplifting character arc. Well, uplifting in a very dark kind of way. You know what I mean. Overall, and again much like all my favorite transgressive novels, there's a sincere, caring, humanist core here. Moreover, there's a sincere sense of awe and spirituality towards the end.
---------
HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP + SANITY DISINTEGRATION SPEEDRUN AWARD: This novel takes place over the course of a week. Most of it takes place over the course of *less than three days*. Compare to Eric LaRocca's THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE (another book this strongly reminded me of, particularly in the first few chapters), where the story unfolds over several months. EXQUISITE CORPSE happens over about a year. EARTHLINGS happens over more than *twenty* years. CORRUPTED VESSELS (sorry to plug my own book; also, please be aware that the gore in FLUIDS makes the gore in that look like babytime frolics) takes around six to eight weeks.
That really takes U-Hauling to a new level, I tell you what.
Anyway, this is not a book to read if you *don't* want graphic descriptions of almost every substance that can possibly emerge from a human body coming out of a human body in the most upsetting way possible, but I feel like the comparisons up above already make that kind of clear? Just don't say I didn't warn you.
Anyway, this is very much in the tradition of literature like Poppy Z. Brite's EXQUISITE CORPSE, both in terms of exploring the downward spiral of an unbelievably toxic gay relationship with a body count (the murder kind), and in terms of enormous amounts of graphic, eroticized grue and gore. Instead of Brite's lush, almost overripe descriptive prose, though, Leitz writes with the stripped down dissociative distance of Sayaka Murata's EARTHLINGS or Chuck Palahniuk's HAUNTED. It works well for her extremely online, extremely checked-out characters: timid, depressed, traumatized (and briefly amnesiac) Dahlia and Lauren, who has what a psychiatrist would probably label multiple cluster B personality disorders.
Though Lauren shakes out as the villain of the piece, Leitz's depiction of her mood swings, delusions, and intense, aching, unsatisfiable need for love is compassionate and uncomfortably easy to relate to at points. Dahlia, meanwhile, has a great significant/referential name, equally recognizable and true-to-life ugly emotions, and a surprisingly uplifting character arc. Well, uplifting in a very dark kind of way. You know what I mean. Overall, and again much like all my favorite transgressive novels, there's a sincere, caring, humanist core here. Moreover, there's a sincere sense of awe and spirituality towards the end.
---------
HORRIBLE RELATIONSHIP + SANITY DISINTEGRATION SPEEDRUN AWARD: This novel takes place over the course of a week. Most of it takes place over the course of *less than three days*. Compare to Eric LaRocca's THINGS HAVE GOTTEN WORSE SINCE WE LAST SPOKE (another book this strongly reminded me of, particularly in the first few chapters), where the story unfolds over several months. EXQUISITE CORPSE happens over about a year. EARTHLINGS happens over more than *twenty* years. CORRUPTED VESSELS (sorry to plug my own book; also, please be aware that the gore in FLUIDS makes the gore in that look like babytime frolics) takes around six to eight weeks.
That really takes U-Hauling to a new level, I tell you what.
Anyway, this is not a book to read if you *don't* want graphic descriptions of almost every substance that can possibly emerge from a human body coming out of a human body in the most upsetting way possible, but I feel like the comparisons up above already make that kind of clear? Just don't say I didn't warn you.
Read
October 22, 2022it’s definitely a book.
March 22, 2025
Books read & reviewed: 1️⃣2️⃣8️⃣🥖4️⃣0️⃣0️⃣
╔⏤⏤⏤╝❀╚⏤⏤⏤╗
5️⃣🌟, THIS IS HOW YOU WROTE GOOD SPLATTERPUNK
——————————————————————
➕➖0️⃣1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣8️⃣9️⃣🔟✖️➗
This is genuinely one of the most beautifully written books especially in this splatterpunk genre that i have ever read!
It features one thing that i didn't know that i will get especially in a splatterpunk book and that is *a good fucking character focused book*
It is both graphic disturbing and poetic and artistic at the same time, it presents a really noteworthy use of gore to present a powerful message of self acceptance and self support, emotional intelligence and sympathy for those who havent gone through it yet. Dahlia's Journey along with Lauren's opposite direction in the story is an elite contrast to both of their similar characters bounded by "Love" 💖
Both dahlia and lauren are both really interesting broken characters that are chosen by fate for them to meet in yet another internet conversation (flashbacks to 'things have gotten worse since we last spoke' that shit was bad)
And i love the ending where it's the both of these broken characters picking their destiny to be a better and more stronger version of themselves or to end it all, to choose forgiveness from forgetfulness and to move on to your past mistakes.
The message that this book gives us is very beautiful and the added splatterpunk elements really makes this book shine ✨
This book is mildly uplifting and inspiring because of its commendable storytelling and the outstanding idea and the synopsis for the theme of the entire novel itself, even the execution of it was PERRRRRRRRRFECT, the balance between plot and character focused moments something that other authors should take note about. Even the gore itself is treated very delicately to the point where it's not being as edgy like a 14-year-old emo kid giving middle fingers the everyone listening to my chemical romance while believing that everyone hates him. It treats disturbing literature as an act of revenge and a medium for delivering a influencial message, and that is a much mastered skill because this is a splatterpunk book!
And because of all of that i am going to put you in my pedestal of all shelf 😁,. Good job author! Loved it veeeeeeeeery much! 🥰😍
✦•······················•✦•······················•✦
Date Read: Saturday, March 22, 2025
Book Length: 49k words: short novel before bed uwu
Disturbingness scale: BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN out of 1️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ potatoes 🥔: 8️⃣0️⃣
My 42th read of splatterpunk march ✨
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*Pre-Read✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
It's giving "Motel Styx" vibes and i don't know why.
╔⏤⏤⏤╝❀╚⏤⏤⏤╗
5️⃣🌟, THIS IS HOW YOU WROTE GOOD SPLATTERPUNK
——————————————————————
➕➖0️⃣1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣8️⃣9️⃣🔟✖️➗
And then I remember a phrase that wakes me up from this horrible nightmare.
“I can teach you how to like it.”
This is genuinely one of the most beautifully written books especially in this splatterpunk genre that i have ever read!
It features one thing that i didn't know that i will get especially in a splatterpunk book and that is *a good fucking character focused book*
It is both graphic disturbing and poetic and artistic at the same time, it presents a really noteworthy use of gore to present a powerful message of self acceptance and self support, emotional intelligence and sympathy for those who havent gone through it yet. Dahlia's Journey along with Lauren's opposite direction in the story is an elite contrast to both of their similar characters bounded by "Love" 💖
Both dahlia and lauren are both really interesting broken characters that are chosen by fate for them to meet in yet another internet conversation (flashbacks to 'things have gotten worse since we last spoke' that shit was bad)
And i love the ending where it's the both of these broken characters picking their destiny to be a better and more stronger version of themselves or to end it all, to choose forgiveness from forgetfulness and to move on to your past mistakes.
The message that this book gives us is very beautiful and the added splatterpunk elements really makes this book shine ✨
This book is mildly uplifting and inspiring because of its commendable storytelling and the outstanding idea and the synopsis for the theme of the entire novel itself, even the execution of it was PERRRRRRRRRFECT, the balance between plot and character focused moments something that other authors should take note about. Even the gore itself is treated very delicately to the point where it's not being as edgy like a 14-year-old emo kid giving middle fingers the everyone listening to my chemical romance while believing that everyone hates him. It treats disturbing literature as an act of revenge and a medium for delivering a influencial message, and that is a much mastered skill because this is a splatterpunk book!
And because of all of that i am going to put you in my pedestal of all shelf 😁,. Good job author! Loved it veeeeeeeeery much! 🥰😍
✦•······················•✦•······················•✦
Date Read: Saturday, March 22, 2025
Book Length: 49k words: short novel before bed uwu
Disturbingness scale: BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN out of 1️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ potatoes 🥔: 8️⃣0️⃣
My 42th read of splatterpunk march ✨
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*Pre-Read✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
It's giving "Motel Styx" vibes and i don't know why.
July 24, 2022
This is an *intense* read. Very gripping and definitely a page turner but uh, hard to recommend unless you're ready to read some deeply terrible things.
10/10 would read again
10/10 would read again
August 9, 2022
EXCEPTIONAL!!!!
Just discovered this book and author and I am blown away! This story was beautiful written and I completely got lost in it.
Dahlia, a trans woman, meets Lauren, a woman with an eating disorder (amongst other issues). Their love heats up faster than boiling water and it destroys everything in its path and themselves.
This is an extreme horror novel that has everything: violence, mental health issues, suicide, DV, trans themes, LGBTQ+ themes.
I highly recommend this book. This Novel deserves more than 5 Stars and I hope May Leitz decides to write another novel or novels.
Anyways, READ THIS BOOK!!!!
Just discovered this book and author and I am blown away! This story was beautiful written and I completely got lost in it.
Dahlia, a trans woman, meets Lauren, a woman with an eating disorder (amongst other issues). Their love heats up faster than boiling water and it destroys everything in its path and themselves.
This is an extreme horror novel that has everything: violence, mental health issues, suicide, DV, trans themes, LGBTQ+ themes.
I highly recommend this book. This Novel deserves more than 5 Stars and I hope May Leitz decides to write another novel or novels.
Anyways, READ THIS BOOK!!!!
January 22, 2024
This is an excellent fever dream book. You never know what is going on for certain, as both narrators are horribly unreliable. There were some really clever twists and turns that used the perspective of both protagonists against each other and this was very entertaining, I was never bored or waiting for the next big moment.
3.5/5 because it felt a little bit rough around the edges, and could have used more care in getting to the conclusion for a better reading experience.
Great descriptive writing, and very gory. Read with a strong stomach.
The last 10 pages dragged. The story was already over, but we kept beating a dead horse with useless text.
3.5/5 because it felt a little bit rough around the edges, and could have used more care in getting to the conclusion for a better reading experience.
Great descriptive writing, and very gory. Read with a strong stomach.
The last 10 pages dragged. The story was already over, but we kept beating a dead horse with useless text.
Read
December 22, 2023DNF @ 38%
This one definitely wasn't for me. I appreciated the idea behind it, but something about both of these characters felt so cringe-inducing to me. I think I might have enjoyed this a lot more when I was in my early 20s and I'd say someone who is in the mood for "edgy" characters might like this more than I did.
✨ Representation: lesbian/questioning MC, trans MC
✨ Content warnings for:
———
twitter | booktok | bookstagram | blog
This one definitely wasn't for me. I appreciated the idea behind it, but something about both of these characters felt so cringe-inducing to me. I think I might have enjoyed this a lot more when I was in my early 20s and I'd say someone who is in the mood for "edgy" characters might like this more than I did.
✨ Representation: lesbian/questioning MC, trans MC
✨ Content warnings for:
———
twitter | booktok | bookstagram | blog
April 20, 2023
i have no idea how to rate this
September 9, 2023
TW: Language, smoking, cutting, suicide, Covid, death of parent, homophobia, bullying, gory scenes, rape, torture, drugs, depression, drinking, vomit, scat, toxic parent relationships
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:Meet Lauren, a regular American girl in the midst of a personality crisis.Meet Dahlia, a trans woman looking for home in an unaccepting world.When lightning strikes between two of them, we learn just how far both will go to keep each other, destroy each other, and leave the world to die. What if the person you loved was only looking for shelter? And what if you were just desperate enough to kill for her, even if just for your entertainment. Fluids is a gross love story about toxicity and the divide between those looking to rise, like a phoenix, from the ashes of their past, and those looking to self-destruct.
Release Date: April 14th, 2022
Genre: Extreme Horror
Pages: 179
Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
What I Liked:
1. Love the way the author writes
What I Didn't Like:
1. Starts to slow down by halfway part two
Overall Thoughts:
"I lie in my bed, and I look at the crowd of rock stars that gather at my bedside every night. I used to see them as a status symbol. Imagine being the girl that is wanted, loved, fucked by these guys. But when I think about it, I’ve known guys like this my whole life. I’ve let guys like these destroy me mentally and physically, and I never complain at all."
I think when reading this book you have to go in with the mindset that this book feels more like a luicd dream than a reality book. You have to suspend your belief because so much happens in it that you could not get away in the normal world.
So much of the violences that happen in this book no one innervines to help. This book lives in a world of fantasy. Two men are murdered and a woman and no one seems to care. Do these people not have jobs or families? The hotel cleans up the rooms with nothing left behind - this is believable. No hotel wants bad press for a killer. Delilah sets her mom's house on fire but the police don't go after her. The impression we get of her mother is that's exactly what she'd do to her daughter - having her arrested to teach her a lesson. They hang around the casino for days covered in blood and Delilah even missing a hand. I can't imagine someone wouldn't say something while observing them.
Another issue I found odd about this book was how the men just found out Delilah had a penis and were all more than okay with this. I don't imagine men being lead into thinking they were having sex with women would be pleased to see a penis instead.
What I liked a lot in this book was how Delilah was craving a mother figure and someone to take care of her, so when Lauren offers this to her she goes with Lauren despite her after only 3 days.
Lauren is so desperate to feel love - a feeling she isn't familiar with but she wants to feel so badly that she becomes obsessed with Delilah. You can see that Lauren starts to slip into old habits of masochistic behavior when she tortures Daniel's wife rather than releasing her. Then again when despite caring on surface level for Delilah she offers her up again to another stranger to abuse her.
Final Thoughts:
The ending was sad because it seemed like Lauren knew she had to kill herself to save Delilah or else she was going to murder her too rather than ever letting her go. So perhaps in the end Lauren did love Delilah in the only way that a sociopath can.
A very fast pace book makes you wonder how far two people can push each other to be together.
This book is definitely a slow burn.
Recommend For:
• Complex relationships
• Lqbtq rep
• Seriál Killer obsession
IG | Blog
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:Meet Lauren, a regular American girl in the midst of a personality crisis.Meet Dahlia, a trans woman looking for home in an unaccepting world.When lightning strikes between two of them, we learn just how far both will go to keep each other, destroy each other, and leave the world to die. What if the person you loved was only looking for shelter? And what if you were just desperate enough to kill for her, even if just for your entertainment. Fluids is a gross love story about toxicity and the divide between those looking to rise, like a phoenix, from the ashes of their past, and those looking to self-destruct.
Release Date: April 14th, 2022
Genre: Extreme Horror
Pages: 179
Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
What I Liked:
1. Love the way the author writes
What I Didn't Like:
1. Starts to slow down by halfway part two
Overall Thoughts:
"I lie in my bed, and I look at the crowd of rock stars that gather at my bedside every night. I used to see them as a status symbol. Imagine being the girl that is wanted, loved, fucked by these guys. But when I think about it, I’ve known guys like this my whole life. I’ve let guys like these destroy me mentally and physically, and I never complain at all."
I think when reading this book you have to go in with the mindset that this book feels more like a luicd dream than a reality book. You have to suspend your belief because so much happens in it that you could not get away in the normal world.
So much of the violences that happen in this book no one innervines to help. This book lives in a world of fantasy. Two men are murdered and a woman and no one seems to care. Do these people not have jobs or families? The hotel cleans up the rooms with nothing left behind - this is believable. No hotel wants bad press for a killer. Delilah sets her mom's house on fire but the police don't go after her. The impression we get of her mother is that's exactly what she'd do to her daughter - having her arrested to teach her a lesson. They hang around the casino for days covered in blood and Delilah even missing a hand. I can't imagine someone wouldn't say something while observing them.
Another issue I found odd about this book was how the men just found out Delilah had a penis and were all more than okay with this. I don't imagine men being lead into thinking they were having sex with women would be pleased to see a penis instead.
What I liked a lot in this book was how Delilah was craving a mother figure and someone to take care of her, so when Lauren offers this to her she goes with Lauren despite her after only 3 days.
Lauren is so desperate to feel love - a feeling she isn't familiar with but she wants to feel so badly that she becomes obsessed with Delilah. You can see that Lauren starts to slip into old habits of masochistic behavior when she tortures Daniel's wife rather than releasing her. Then again when despite caring on surface level for Delilah she offers her up again to another stranger to abuse her.
Final Thoughts:
The ending was sad because it seemed like Lauren knew she had to kill herself to save Delilah or else she was going to murder her too rather than ever letting her go. So perhaps in the end Lauren did love Delilah in the only way that a sociopath can.
A very fast pace book makes you wonder how far two people can push each other to be together.
This book is definitely a slow burn.
Recommend For:
• Complex relationships
• Lqbtq rep
• Seriál Killer obsession
IG | Blog
August 28, 2023
queer dating post-covid is literally impossible. may leitz is a genius.
August 13, 2023
Unhinged girlies for the win always. Extremely gross and graphic. Very surreal at times as well. Definitely felt fever-dreamish but in the worst way possible?
September 19, 2023
Lauren đã mất đi người cha trong đại dịch Covid, và cô nàng cảm thấy vô cùng cô đơn. Thông qua app hẹn hò, Lauren sau đó làm quen được với Dahlia, một cô nàng tự ti về bản thân. Cả hai sau đó đã cảm thấy một sự liên kết kỳ lạ và đặc biệt, đưa họ đến nhau - chìm trong những thứ vui đầy méo mó và mới lạ.
Fluids đầy những thứ nhạy cảm về miêu tả tình dục và làm tình, bạo lực, khổ dâm, giết chóc... Bên cạnh đó mình thích cách lột tả tâm lí nhân vật, Lauren khao khát tình yêu, và điều đó luôn luôn hiện lên xuyên suốt câu chuyện, dẫn đến những hành vi méo mó hơn bao giờ; mình thích tâm lí của Dahlia, cảm giác sợ hãi và tự ti khi là người Chuyển giới rất phức tạp. Mình dễ dàng nhận thấy và dễ dàng đoán rằng mối quan hệ của Lauren và Dahlia sẽ trở thành một sự hủy hoại.
Dù là thể loại horror nhưng mình không thấy Fluids đáng sợ hay kinh dị chút nào, chỉ có bạo lực, tình dục và tình yêu chiếm phần lớn truyện. Quyển này chỉ giống như một câu chuyện lãng mạn bạo lực, méo mó nhiều hơn là kinh dị; mình cảm thấy phần Warning trên bìa sách chỉ làm lố mọi thứ về cốt truyện. Thậm chí phần tâm lí nhân vật mà minh thích cũng không hề nhiều, hành động của nhân vật rất khó chịu, đặc biệt là Lauren. Mình tất nhiên thích Dahlia hơn, cô nàng chỉ đơn giản giống như một "nạn nhân" của Lauren, nhưng điều mình chắc chắn không sai rằng Lauren đã khiến cho Dahlia nhận ra cô cần yêu thương bản thân nhiều đến mức nào.
Fluids đầy những thứ nhạy cảm về miêu tả tình dục và làm tình, bạo lực, khổ dâm, giết chóc... Bên cạnh đó mình thích cách lột tả tâm lí nhân vật, Lauren khao khát tình yêu, và điều đó luôn luôn hiện lên xuyên suốt câu chuyện, dẫn đến những hành vi méo mó hơn bao giờ; mình thích tâm lí của Dahlia, cảm giác sợ hãi và tự ti khi là người Chuyển giới rất phức tạp. Mình dễ dàng nhận thấy và dễ dàng đoán rằng mối quan hệ của Lauren và Dahlia sẽ trở thành một sự hủy hoại.
Dù là thể loại horror nhưng mình không thấy Fluids đáng sợ hay kinh dị chút nào, chỉ có bạo lực, tình dục và tình yêu chiếm phần lớn truyện. Quyển này chỉ giống như một câu chuyện lãng mạn bạo lực, méo mó nhiều hơn là kinh dị; mình cảm thấy phần Warning trên bìa sách chỉ làm lố mọi thứ về cốt truyện. Thậm chí phần tâm lí nhân vật mà minh thích cũng không hề nhiều, hành động của nhân vật rất khó chịu, đặc biệt là Lauren. Mình tất nhiên thích Dahlia hơn, cô nàng chỉ đơn giản giống như một "nạn nhân" của Lauren, nhưng điều mình chắc chắn không sai rằng Lauren đã khiến cho Dahlia nhận ra cô cần yêu thương bản thân nhiều đến mức nào.
August 12, 2022
This engaged me at the beginning and it reminded me of ‘Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke’ but then I got bored.
December 20, 2023
This was the most UNHINGED, TOXIC and PSYCHOTIC thing I've ever read!!
January 28, 2023
The worst book I've read, ever!!! I am hoping it's the worst book read this year, or ever. This book needed a lot of things,a proof reader,an editor, a friend to tell said author not to believe her own self belief.This book took me well over 3 weeks to read 175 pages,I was told Amelia stop reading but I don't like DNF. I watched a countryfile special just so I could avoid reading this book.Also I had a personal TED talk on Lego just so I didn't have to read this book. I now realised the person who recommended this book to me actually hates me, so I've learnt A LOT with reading this tripe. TAKE your worst phobia sit in a room with it and you will gain more ,but please please don't read this. Goodreads should think about having a white star rating for absolute crap shit books.
October 19, 2022
Please understand that review =/= reccomendation; this is a very well-executed book, but it is not one I'd reccommend to most people. I probably would not have picked it up for myself, but I'm a fan of the author's YouTube channel.
That said, I wound up being very impressed! Beneath all the (genuinely incredibly nasty) gore and violence (like I'm not kidding, it gets gnarly), there's a lot going on thematically and narratively--there's a *point* to all the horribleness, which is all I really ask of an extreme horror story. "Fluids" is many things; on one level it is almost a cautionary tale about building one's identity around another person, and how that kind of obsessive dependence will only lead to destruction. "Fluids" is also, at its core, a surprisingly optimistic story about trans resilience; it is resentful of a world that forces trans people to endure insult after injury, but ultimately still celebrates that strength.
This is a short book that happens very fast (even in-universe), I genuinely read the whole thing in an afternoon. If you are a trans horror enthusiast with a pretty high tolerance for the nasty stuff, then support this little indie book, it's very compelling! If you are anybody else, don't blame me, I warned you.
That said, I wound up being very impressed! Beneath all the (genuinely incredibly nasty) gore and violence (like I'm not kidding, it gets gnarly), there's a lot going on thematically and narratively--there's a *point* to all the horribleness, which is all I really ask of an extreme horror story. "Fluids" is many things; on one level it is almost a cautionary tale about building one's identity around another person, and how that kind of obsessive dependence will only lead to destruction. "Fluids" is also, at its core, a surprisingly optimistic story about trans resilience; it is resentful of a world that forces trans people to endure insult after injury, but ultimately still celebrates that strength.
This is a short book that happens very fast (even in-universe), I genuinely read the whole thing in an afternoon. If you are a trans horror enthusiast with a pretty high tolerance for the nasty stuff, then support this little indie book, it's very compelling! If you are anybody else, don't blame me, I warned you.
December 24, 2022
“This is what being gay is . I can’t fail at what I clearly am, and this is natural for me.” This is by far one of the most bizarre books I’ve ever read. It deals with so many aspects of mental illness, murder, suicide, the need to be loved. This is the story of Lauren and Dahlia. Lauren is a lesbian and Dahlia is transgender. They meet online and a very toxic relationship forms from there. This book was beautifully written and extremely depraved. I only recommend to those who like the macabre of 📚
June 29, 2022
Honesty in Fluids
This review is pretty triggering, but what would the point be of a Fluids review that wasn't?
When I was a senior in high school. a night of cyberbullying led to my first ever reciprocated declaration of affection for another person. While what Chelsy and I had was not remotely as doomed as the primary relationship of May Leitz's Fluids, it's the first of many instances in my life that is brought, often painfully, back into my consideration after having read the novel. I had nearly every disadvantage imaginable in that scenario: a complete lack of experience, a loneliness to cloud my judgement, gender dysphoria I wouldn't understand for a decade still, a completely backwards idea of what "love" was formed by Hollywood entertainment and the same sort of advice from my Grandmother that was used to abuse and subjugate her, and enough details about this miserable teenage girl's life to convince myself that I could be her salvation. At least no one died.
The presentation of Fluids, whether you have the physical copy with its list of trigger warnings or the ebook which offers a dead bird an an invitation, immediately robs you of that small sense of security. Before you've started the first chapter the tension has started to build; there's death in this book, and worse still, and you don't know when it will arrive. Then you start reading.
This review is pretty triggering, but what would the point be of a Fluids review that wasn't?
When I was a senior in high school. a night of cyberbullying led to my first ever reciprocated declaration of affection for another person. While what Chelsy and I had was not remotely as doomed as the primary relationship of May Leitz's Fluids, it's the first of many instances in my life that is brought, often painfully, back into my consideration after having read the novel. I had nearly every disadvantage imaginable in that scenario: a complete lack of experience, a loneliness to cloud my judgement, gender dysphoria I wouldn't understand for a decade still, a completely backwards idea of what "love" was formed by Hollywood entertainment and the same sort of advice from my Grandmother that was used to abuse and subjugate her, and enough details about this miserable teenage girl's life to convince myself that I could be her salvation. At least no one died.
The presentation of Fluids, whether you have the physical copy with its list of trigger warnings or the ebook which offers a dead bird an an invitation, immediately robs you of that small sense of security. Before you've started the first chapter the tension has started to build; there's death in this book, and worse still, and you don't know when it will arrive. Then you start reading.
Read
February 5, 2023May Leitz: You may not like this book. I hate it. But this trauma, is my trauma
Me: Oh, this must be about an abusive relationship
May Leitz: So me and my girlfriend are torturing our third businessman to death in this casino and they DO NOT CARE because hotel casinos are big, also amnesia
Me: hmm
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 31, 2024
I feel a little bad giving this such a low rating, but I really can't bring myself to round it up to a 2 star when it's a 1.5 for me at best.
I probably should give up on splatterpunk/extreme horror. I've tried to access it through different avenues that I know I enjoy otherwise (usually lesbian + trans characters) but I keep striking out when I actually read them. Too often, and especially in this case, the writing does not carry me through the book (even with novellas!) and by the end I'm bored and skimming over the extreme scenes because I simply do not care.
the author for this one has a bad habit of doing these huge chunks of simple, single sentences all separated out so it takes up a big portion of the page. by the time I was about 60% through, any time I saw one of those chunks coming up I got annoyed. it's obviously meant for emphasis, but the simplistic sentences ("She's with me. She wants me. She wants to be with me now. She loves me." <- only about half the "chunk" or "I put on all her favorite things. I became her. I wore her makeup. I wore her perfume.") started to grate very quickly, especially b/c they're not all that different from the rest of the writing. So as you're reading, you'd suddenly get to one of these huge rows of simple sentences and it just stops any semblance of pacing or tension dead in its tracks, pulling you out of any emotions you might be feeling.
I didn't care for the characters, which is a more personal matter. I initially wrote out a lot more on this but I don't feel like I'm getting across my issues well so I'm just going to say they annoyed me intensely and I didn't like being in the head of either of them, not even from a morbid curiosity angle. character motivations would change on a dime and there were a lot of decisions made that felt totally out-of-the-blue and ridiculous (yeah, ridiculousness and over-the-top antics are part of this genre, but I'd like SOME basis for it).
The story had a little going for it in the beginning but once they get to the casino it all falls apart. Everything starts to drag as people are going in and out of different hotel rooms and picking up random side characters. These women are wandering around in public covered in gore and missing limbs but no one seems to notice or care until the end b/c that would make the rest of the plot impossible (I'm assuming this is meant as a kind of commentary/metaphor above anything else, so probably not a fair criticism to be making here, especially b/c this is so over-the-top that maybe I'm supposed to take that as a kind of dark comedy element). I've seen people refer to a "twist" at some point but I don't really know what it was since nothing that happened felt like a big reveal or twist.
I feel like this kind of extreme horror works better for me in visual mediums where I'm not inside the character's head. Once people try to write the thoughts of these types of characters it falls into edgelord territory incredibly quickly because writing these kinds of things is difficult and requires a deft hand. I don't like the accusation people level at a lot of splatterpunk/extreme horror writers that they just write it for shock value and there's nothing else going on because I do think some authors of these works have greater intentions behind them (especially in this case, where so much of the story seemed to be based on personal experiences of the trans author) but even with that being the case it's still very easy to fall into cringy dialogue that makes me laugh more than feel disgust or horror.
In short, I need characters I care about for the extreme horror parts to mean anything to me. A decent plot in there would be nice too, but the characters matter the most. I simply am not going to care about whatever depraved things they do to each other or other people if the characters mean nothing to me. That's what I mean when I say I get bored by the end - there's just too much overwhelming content for any of it to mean anything if there's no connection to the characters. It might as well be a baby sensory video at that point, just something that washes over me but nothing I absorb. Anyone can write characters doing the most fucked up things to each other; it takes skill for it to mean something because the audience has connected with said characters. Sadly, that skill was not present in this book.
I probably should give up on splatterpunk/extreme horror. I've tried to access it through different avenues that I know I enjoy otherwise (usually lesbian + trans characters) but I keep striking out when I actually read them. Too often, and especially in this case, the writing does not carry me through the book (even with novellas!) and by the end I'm bored and skimming over the extreme scenes because I simply do not care.
the author for this one has a bad habit of doing these huge chunks of simple, single sentences all separated out so it takes up a big portion of the page. by the time I was about 60% through, any time I saw one of those chunks coming up I got annoyed. it's obviously meant for emphasis, but the simplistic sentences ("She's with me. She wants me. She wants to be with me now. She loves me." <- only about half the "chunk" or "I put on all her favorite things. I became her. I wore her makeup. I wore her perfume.") started to grate very quickly, especially b/c they're not all that different from the rest of the writing. So as you're reading, you'd suddenly get to one of these huge rows of simple sentences and it just stops any semblance of pacing or tension dead in its tracks, pulling you out of any emotions you might be feeling.
I didn't care for the characters, which is a more personal matter. I initially wrote out a lot more on this but I don't feel like I'm getting across my issues well so I'm just going to say they annoyed me intensely and I didn't like being in the head of either of them, not even from a morbid curiosity angle. character motivations would change on a dime and there were a lot of decisions made that felt totally out-of-the-blue and ridiculous (yeah, ridiculousness and over-the-top antics are part of this genre, but I'd like SOME basis for it).
The story had a little going for it in the beginning but once they get to the casino it all falls apart. Everything starts to drag as people are going in and out of different hotel rooms and picking up random side characters. These women are wandering around in public covered in gore and missing limbs but no one seems to notice or care until the end b/c that would make the rest of the plot impossible (I'm assuming this is meant as a kind of commentary/metaphor above anything else, so probably not a fair criticism to be making here, especially b/c this is so over-the-top that maybe I'm supposed to take that as a kind of dark comedy element). I've seen people refer to a "twist" at some point but I don't really know what it was since nothing that happened felt like a big reveal or twist.
I feel like this kind of extreme horror works better for me in visual mediums where I'm not inside the character's head. Once people try to write the thoughts of these types of characters it falls into edgelord territory incredibly quickly because writing these kinds of things is difficult and requires a deft hand. I don't like the accusation people level at a lot of splatterpunk/extreme horror writers that they just write it for shock value and there's nothing else going on because I do think some authors of these works have greater intentions behind them (especially in this case, where so much of the story seemed to be based on personal experiences of the trans author) but even with that being the case it's still very easy to fall into cringy dialogue that makes me laugh more than feel disgust or horror.
In short, I need characters I care about for the extreme horror parts to mean anything to me. A decent plot in there would be nice too, but the characters matter the most. I simply am not going to care about whatever depraved things they do to each other or other people if the characters mean nothing to me. That's what I mean when I say I get bored by the end - there's just too much overwhelming content for any of it to mean anything if there's no connection to the characters. It might as well be a baby sensory video at that point, just something that washes over me but nothing I absorb. Anyone can write characters doing the most fucked up things to each other; it takes skill for it to mean something because the audience has connected with said characters. Sadly, that skill was not present in this book.
June 13, 2024
Four stars upon finishing—right before bed, RIP to my dreams—though that rating might change upon morning and more reflection, because wow.
...
Okay. It is morning, and I'm upping my rating to 5 stars. This is undoubtedly my favorite indie extreme horror title that I've read, and I think that deserves recognition.
What separates Fluids from the pack of other gory novellas you can get on Kindle Unlimited?* For me, it's the intensely disturbing things it has to say about love. Namely, that it can be (always is?) obsessive and one-sided and drive(s) even "innocent" (in Dahlia's words) people to do immeasurable harm to one another. There are many quotes I could pull related to this, but this one from Lauren near the end stood out to me: "I want to clean every part of her, but I also want to see all her damage. I want to be the one to inspect her pain. I want to secure her away from all the pain I haven't caused her. She's all for me now."
Gross! my brain responded. And then, God, I hope that's not me! I don't think I've ever read another horror novel that made me want to give it to my ex and ask, "Did I do this to you? Like, metaphorically?"** That's a much more uncomfortable feeling than anything related to gore.
One of the scariest things in the world to me is when someone causes harm to someone else not because they want to hurt them, but because they are convinced that they are doing what's best for their victim. They're even convinced that their victim likes it. And under the blood and shit and bile, that's what Fluids is all about.
It's also all about its trans protagonist, Dahlia, finding her own strength, independence, and will to live through the trials of an incredibly toxic relationship that, in true sapphic fashion, moves way, way too quickly and spins out of control. (I shouldn't have to undermine my own joke, but just in case: Most of us do not kill people about it, though!) I don't know if it's a spoiler or an enticement to say that I found the ending redemptive and hopeful, but one of my favorite quotes is definitely a spoiler, so I'll put it under a cut:
So yeah. This book was a ride that made me uneasy, angry, sad, and weirdly hopeful. Like Poppy Z. Brite's Exquisite Corpse, it might be one of those books that "you enjoy but don't ever tell anyone about it ever" as May says in her video about disturbing books. But I've probably got a five-star rating for Exquisite Corpse floating around here, too, so what the hell. I really enjoyed this book, but please do not take that as a friendly recommendation without checking some content warnings. Please.***
-
*Or purchase a physical copy after spending a week straight listening to May Leitz narrate the NSFL iceberg on YouTube while you knit because that's the only thing that's comforting. Hi, summer 2023 me! You're not doing well!
**Don't worry about my ex. We are on good terms, and unlike me, she would simply never read this book.
***My ex read this and suggested that I include said content warnings, so off the top of my head: violence, murder, torture, rape, gore, vomit, transphobia, parental death, suicide and suicidal ideation, bodily mutilation, drug/alcohol use… and I think that’s it?
...
Okay. It is morning, and I'm upping my rating to 5 stars. This is undoubtedly my favorite indie extreme horror title that I've read, and I think that deserves recognition.
What separates Fluids from the pack of other gory novellas you can get on Kindle Unlimited?* For me, it's the intensely disturbing things it has to say about love. Namely, that it can be (always is?) obsessive and one-sided and drive(s) even "innocent" (in Dahlia's words) people to do immeasurable harm to one another. There are many quotes I could pull related to this, but this one from Lauren near the end stood out to me: "I want to clean every part of her, but I also want to see all her damage. I want to be the one to inspect her pain. I want to secure her away from all the pain I haven't caused her. She's all for me now."
Gross! my brain responded. And then, God, I hope that's not me! I don't think I've ever read another horror novel that made me want to give it to my ex and ask, "Did I do this to you? Like, metaphorically?"** That's a much more uncomfortable feeling than anything related to gore.
One of the scariest things in the world to me is when someone causes harm to someone else not because they want to hurt them, but because they are convinced that they are doing what's best for their victim. They're even convinced that their victim likes it. And under the blood and shit and bile, that's what Fluids is all about.
It's also all about its trans protagonist, Dahlia, finding her own strength, independence, and will to live through the trials of an incredibly toxic relationship that, in true sapphic fashion, moves way, way too quickly and spins out of control. (I shouldn't have to undermine my own joke, but just in case: Most of us do not kill people about it, though!) I don't know if it's a spoiler or an enticement to say that I found the ending redemptive and hopeful, but one of my favorite quotes is definitely a spoiler, so I'll put it under a cut:
So yeah. This book was a ride that made me uneasy, angry, sad, and weirdly hopeful. Like Poppy Z. Brite's Exquisite Corpse, it might be one of those books that "you enjoy but don't ever tell anyone about it ever" as May says in her video about disturbing books. But I've probably got a five-star rating for Exquisite Corpse floating around here, too, so what the hell. I really enjoyed this book, but please do not take that as a friendly recommendation without checking some content warnings. Please.***
-
*Or purchase a physical copy after spending a week straight listening to May Leitz narrate the NSFL iceberg on YouTube while you knit because that's the only thing that's comforting. Hi, summer 2023 me! You're not doing well!
**Don't worry about my ex. We are on good terms, and unlike me, she would simply never read this book.
***My ex read this and suggested that I include said content warnings, so off the top of my head: violence, murder, torture, rape, gore, vomit, transphobia, parental death, suicide and suicidal ideation, bodily mutilation, drug/alcohol use… and I think that’s it?
August 14, 2024
'Fluids' tells the story of a lesbian relationship that starts online and swiftly moves to actual reality whereby both women are looking for something quite different: One, loving companionship and the other self-confidence and acceptance.
Powerful , hard-hitting, deep and often brutally explicit in both sexual and physically violent ways, the short journey taken by both finally leads to a deliberately uncomfortable type of closure of sorts.
Characters, plot, narrative and dialogue are all cleverly constructed to leave a strangely enjoyable depressing catalogue of despair that once started by the reader will no doubt live long in the memory.
Overall, this is a really good modern-day sad story that most certainly offers something uniquely different and highly original. Not for everyone but, like me, if 'human noire' is your thing, then this sorry tale is sure to hit all the right notes.
Rating: 4.3 dark stars.
Powerful , hard-hitting, deep and often brutally explicit in both sexual and physically violent ways, the short journey taken by both finally leads to a deliberately uncomfortable type of closure of sorts.
Characters, plot, narrative and dialogue are all cleverly constructed to leave a strangely enjoyable depressing catalogue of despair that once started by the reader will no doubt live long in the memory.
Overall, this is a really good modern-day sad story that most certainly offers something uniquely different and highly original. Not for everyone but, like me, if 'human noire' is your thing, then this sorry tale is sure to hit all the right notes.
Rating: 4.3 dark stars.
February 25, 2023
wanted to kill myself throughout the entire book but i couldn’t put it down. i’m used to disturbing content by now but this is the first time i’m left shaking after a book (maybe it’s the lesbians sexually interacting the guys thing, the one thing that i can genuinely say triggers me atp? maybe so) but this is by no means me saying this book is bad. it’s now in my shortlist for fav books and i just can’t but wish it was longer even if it might have caused me physically pain to read anymore i’m ngl.
you know all those tumblr posts that like to talk about the intensity of lesbian relationships? yeah take that but in the absolute worst case scenario and also it vomits on you and hates you. but you get some trans resilience in the end. it still wants you to die tho.
you know all those tumblr posts that like to talk about the intensity of lesbian relationships? yeah take that but in the absolute worst case scenario and also it vomits on you and hates you. but you get some trans resilience in the end. it still wants you to die tho.
September 17, 2023
Dnf’d @ pg. 5 after skimming it… just yikes :/ not in horror yikes but other reasons yikes :/
September 10, 2023
I updated my score to 5/5. I love the shit out of this book and I'm not even sorry, Fluids fucks.
Content Warning: Transphobia, Sexual Violence 'n' Gore. Also Spoilers!
I am so fucking down for this queer trans retaking of the extreme horror genre. Not perfect, but pretty superb.
The entire thing is about finding strength and self sufficiency as a trans woman, which is awesome. Fluids is awesome. It is genuinely extremely gross; the bit when Lauren is torturing this woman by slicing off her vulva as she convulses in her own shit and piss is pretty stomach-churning, but surprisingly the scene actually has a purpose and contributes to the whole narrative! Even if that scene is also the last time Lauren is at all interesting, but the blood, gore and sexual violence is much better managed than something like Manhunt. Fluids mostly avoids rubbing your nose in it purely for its own sake.
But man fuck all that, Dahlia is fuckin rad. I love her; early on I actually totally got why she went with Lauren, the best bad option, and really respected the resourcefulness she shows in planning to smother her new buddy, who she has just realised is probably an insane murderess! The book is mostly about her gaining a firmer handle on this resourcefulness and removing herself from a hellish situation, entirely carried by her own strength, nowt more or less.
Surprisingly for something written by a Funny Youtuber, it is by no stretch Chronically Online. One or two references to Steam and the phrase "anon" are all that tell you that this book hails from the internet. Mostly, the first half is a grounded story about getting the hell out of Dodge, and the second half has a sort of metaphysical, between-worlds bent in which Dahlia must get the Dodge out of hell.
If the book has a serious flaw, it's Lauren. While she is terminally insane and deeply manipulative (she has an unnatural knowledge of how to sway trans people, lmao), in the first half she's interesting to watch due to her self-destructive sexual tendencies and shoulder-chip about her dead dad. By the time she's murder-torturing the guy's wife on a bathroom floor, the last interesting bits of her have bled out. There's a neat line about how this encounter ended because SHE ended it, not because of flaking out or homophobia or other bullshit, and then that's all. She just becomes an evil murderess and crazy mum for the remainder of the book, and while she does a fine job being a component of Dahlia's personal journey in the last ten percent, she loses her neat aspects, which sucks.
This is just my first take, though, and I'll probably come back for more and do deeper analysis at a later date. This is a book in which a trans woman rises from the grave to stab a dude in the throat, break up with her shitty girlfriend properly, and really what more could anyone possibly fucking want? Fluids might have issues, but it is a treasure. It is awesome. Fuckin rad.
Content Warning: Transphobia, Sexual Violence 'n' Gore. Also Spoilers!
I am so fucking down for this queer trans retaking of the extreme horror genre. Not perfect, but pretty superb.
The entire thing is about finding strength and self sufficiency as a trans woman, which is awesome. Fluids is awesome. It is genuinely extremely gross; the bit when Lauren is torturing this woman by slicing off her vulva as she convulses in her own shit and piss is pretty stomach-churning, but surprisingly the scene actually has a purpose and contributes to the whole narrative! Even if that scene is also the last time Lauren is at all interesting, but the blood, gore and sexual violence is much better managed than something like Manhunt. Fluids mostly avoids rubbing your nose in it purely for its own sake.
But man fuck all that, Dahlia is fuckin rad. I love her; early on I actually totally got why she went with Lauren, the best bad option, and really respected the resourcefulness she shows in planning to smother her new buddy, who she has just realised is probably an insane murderess! The book is mostly about her gaining a firmer handle on this resourcefulness and removing herself from a hellish situation, entirely carried by her own strength, nowt more or less.
Surprisingly for something written by a Funny Youtuber, it is by no stretch Chronically Online. One or two references to Steam and the phrase "anon" are all that tell you that this book hails from the internet. Mostly, the first half is a grounded story about getting the hell out of Dodge, and the second half has a sort of metaphysical, between-worlds bent in which Dahlia must get the Dodge out of hell.
If the book has a serious flaw, it's Lauren. While she is terminally insane and deeply manipulative (she has an unnatural knowledge of how to sway trans people, lmao), in the first half she's interesting to watch due to her self-destructive sexual tendencies and shoulder-chip about her dead dad. By the time she's murder-torturing the guy's wife on a bathroom floor, the last interesting bits of her have bled out. There's a neat line about how this encounter ended because SHE ended it, not because of flaking out or homophobia or other bullshit, and then that's all. She just becomes an evil murderess and crazy mum for the remainder of the book, and while she does a fine job being a component of Dahlia's personal journey in the last ten percent, she loses her neat aspects, which sucks.
This is just my first take, though, and I'll probably come back for more and do deeper analysis at a later date. This is a book in which a trans woman rises from the grave to stab a dude in the throat, break up with her shitty girlfriend properly, and really what more could anyone possibly fucking want? Fluids might have issues, but it is a treasure. It is awesome. Fuckin rad.
April 4, 2024
My first read from the author, and this is one crazy trip!
Fluids was an intense, nasty and messed-up tale, and I recommend this to extreme horror fans who are in the mood for something very different.
There are triggers aplenty, so check out some of the other reviews before you step into this nightmare!
Fluids was an intense, nasty and messed-up tale, and I recommend this to extreme horror fans who are in the mood for something very different.
There are triggers aplenty, so check out some of the other reviews before you step into this nightmare!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 507 reviews