Parenthood by Proxy: Don't Have Them If You Won't Raise Them

by Laura Schlessinger

Parenthood by Proxy  is a passionate and provocative summation of the perils of parenting and a road map to safety for America's families. Never one to shy away from tough truths, Dr. Laura marshals compelling evidence for the widespread neglect of America's children and condemns the numerous rationalizations to excuse it. Parents, special interest groups, and professionals in education and psychology all contribute to a dangerous trend that places adult fulfillment above obligation to children.  Parenthood by Proxy  addresses the causes and effects of this national crisis, among them the high rate of divorce, serial marriages, single parenting, the premature sexualization of children, dual-career families, disdain for religion, the redefinition of immoral behavior as lifestyle choices, and societal intolerance for the concept of judgment. In  Parenthood by Proxy , Dr. Laura exhorts parents to make their own children their top priority and, if necessary, to change their lives to do so. In her straight-shooting style, Dr. Laura entreats parents to involve themselves in their children's hearts, minds, and souls, to cherish and protect them, and to commit to the essential task of teaching them right from wrong. She acknowledges that parents no longer get much support from neighbors or public and private institutions, but she urges mothers and fathers to work even harder to counteract the prevailing culture of selfishness and irresponsibility. Parenthood by Proxy  covers all aspects of parenting, from childbearing to discipline, from multiple families to being role models.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Family

288 pages, Hardcover

First published March 2, 2004

About the author

Laura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't read this book - I listened to an audio version while driving to and from work. It's in part about how you shouldn't leave your kid in daycare, so I was having some rough weeks there - dropping the kid off at daycare with Laura lecturing in my ear about the permanant damage to his baby soul that my selfishness was causing.

I have a love of seeking out extreme viewpoints, including conservative. There were a lot of things I liked that she said though, and it's always fun to gasp and shake your head at the extreme cases of parents who aren't around to parent. We can always find middle ground to "tsk tsk" over.

She failed to completely convince, though, because she misses a big factor - class. She always talks about how moms can afford to stay home if they chose to sacrifice: a boringly true point. But as she rants about how times are a-changin' and parents are no longer raising their own kids, she fails to bring up poor women - who have always turned to others for help in child-rearing while they work - and rich women - who have always hired help to spend time being a figurehead, or running a complex household, or doing embroidery, or whatever rich women did in the olden days.

I suspect the true source of her rant is that the middle class is shrinking and more families are becoming either poor or rich (and thus are acting out the child-care behavior of either the poor or the rich). In which case she should jump on the Democrat bandwagon and help shore up the middle class!

Which brings me to my next audio-book - Garrison Keiller's book about Democrats. Stay tuned!

[Jaclyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fabulous social commentary backed by much research. Right up there with the proper care and feeding books. Absolutely wonderful; I was cheering by the end. After reading this book I am stronger and more determined as a parent in the face of today's permissive, immoral, and hands-off parenting society. Our kids really do need us at home and providing boundaries! It is our responsibility and obligation to actually raise our children!

[Mindi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Way back in my college days at BYU I had a professor who had us read this book, and it changed my life! Not because I was planning on putting my kids in day care or anything but because I agreed whole-heartedly with what Dr. Laura says in the book. I remember thinking, "Finally, someone who has the guts to stand up for kids and to stand up to parents!" And the rest is history - I've been a faithful Dr. Laura listener and reader ever since. God bless Dr. Laura - she saves the lives of children and also marriages on a daily basis!

[Stacie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I usually like Dr Laura but I really struggled with this book. I still like most of her concepts but I did not like the presentation with this one. It was SO negative and makes it seem like you will never raise a good child unless you are with them 24/7 and NEVER let them out of your site. It makes me feel hopeless as a parent. It was such an "angry" book for me.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dr. Laura is much more interesting to listen to that read. I find her writing difficult. I do agree with her premise that institutions do too much of the raising of our children.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a pretty contraversial book but I wanted to give it a fair read. I don't agree with 100% of any "parenting" book but it had some great take aways. I love what was shared about children needing parents to be parents and not friends. I also agree that the most important work a parent can do is to be apart of their child's life and make family priority, I know that takes a lot of effort and that it's not easy but the world needs more of it. This was a great quick one time read.

[Becca · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the main points resonated: the importance of the family, parents being parents and not friends, etc so it gave me some things to think about but overall seemed to be geared towards more affluent parents and the more affluent parenting options and experience. Also a little too extreme in some respects.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting perspective and thankfully she didn’t totally attack the working mom, which I appreciated. I don’t remember a lot of her points, and this isn’t something I would keep in my arsenal of parenting books.

[1 Way Ticket · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disturbingly informative.

[Sylvester (Taking a break in 2023) · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very hard-hitting book. News headlines, radio interviews, a look at what's happening out there. This book will make most people angry. It is by far the best book on this subject I've ever read. Avoid it like the plague or live with the consequences.

Dr. Laura believes that parenting is the most important (and most difficult)job in existence, that the entire planet is affected most by what does or does not happen in the home, that family is the most basic unit and influences all of society because it determines so much about what an individual learns or does not learn. This book reiterates what we all know deep down, that how good a parent you are matters more than anything else you could possibly accomplish in your life.

[Tena Holdaway · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dr Laura is not a writer. I agree with some of her ideas. I like the way she is blunt and gets to the main problems with the breakdown of the family. However, an excerpt, followed by excerpt of a radio show or letter followed by one sentence of original thought, then followed by another excerpt is not really writing. This is a collection of excerpts. She did the same thing with "The Proper care and feeding of Husbands" In fact her conclusion on that book was something like now go be a good wife or some such thing. Again, I liked some of the ideas presented in her books but she was meant for a different arena other than writing.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Laura's ideas on raising children are very sensible. However, the entire book was a general attack on those who are destroying the family, such as feminists and "modern" and "scientific" "experts." Of course, such a thing is called for in today's society, but for someone who already agreed with these kinds of ideas (like me), it was tiresome.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Obviously, I have been on a Dr. Laura kick. I read this book not really knowing what to expect. Her cause is well represented and I deeply appreciate the honesty with which she represents her ideas, even if I don't agree with all her ideas. My favorite details of this book are actually the case studies and statistics she uses. Definitely worth a read.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A few years ago I won some essay contest for a local radio show. As a prize I got to go to the station and hear Dr. Laura speak. Abrasive, yes, but Schlesinger does make a lot of important points about the decline of the nuclear family and the importance of parents being parental.

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about all the reasons you should stay home and raise your kids, rather than hiring day care or a nanny to do it for you. It convinced me! I'm glad that I was already a stay at home mom or I'd probably quit my job after reading it.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very conservative in parenting views, while not going into minute detail. The underlined message in this book is to be present in your childrens' lives and that being a bad (or absent) parent is 100% your choice.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this in general, but I just don't love Dr. Laura. I wish she would have quoted more hard facts instead of countless comic strips and stupid women's magazine articles. But I'd certainly say "amen" to her main point, which is that kids deserve to be raised by the people that love them most.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely a good read for parents today.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hooooooray for Dr. Laura!!

[Dree · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. Some common sense, some incredible arrogance and cluelessness about what other peoples' circumstances may be, quite possibly through no fault of their own.

[Leilani · Rating 4 out of 5]

No one says it quite like Dr. Laura. Being a parent is the most important job we'll ever have--I want to do better!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

OK, I'll admit that I'm a huge DL fan. This book was great. It haven't read it in years... I think I'd like to pick it up again.

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the introduction, that's all I really needed to read. I agree with the subtitle, but I could've just read that and gotten the same information. I couldn't finish it.

[Lucky Bug · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow. If you want to read something that horrifies the reader more than any horror or suspense book try this one.

[Trisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hooray for Dr Laura's courage to take a stand with boldness!

[Chanika · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Dr. Laura! She tells it to you straight.

[Cindy]

Dr. Laura is so right. Would never want to leave my kids with strangers.

[Jana Bruhschwein · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really makes you think.

[JJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dated and full of quotes and statistics.

[Muriel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Reads like author's screaming, not calm writing.