Dealing with Disappointment: Helping Kids Cope When Things Don't Go Their Way

by Elizabeth Crary

Who's responsible for happiness? Is it your obligation as a parent to make your children happy? No, says veteran parent educator Crary in this thoughtful new book. And worse yet, if you put too much effort into preventing or reducing your child's dissatisfaction with homework, chores or other parts of our daily routine, your children do not develop the skills they need to handle frustration and disappointment. This practical, easy-to-read guide walks parents through the concept of emotional competency, which begins by teaching children to identify and acknowledge their feelings. Then it provides exercises and examples that demonstrate how children--even toddlers--can cope with their, emotions, using self-calming techniques (exercise or a few minutes with a favorite book, for example) and problem-solving tools. Parents who too often find themselves overwhelmed by frustrated children will appreciate the step-by-step recommendations. Crary's straightforward suggestions will help you survive emotional meltdowns--and think through how to prevent future problems. She also identifies how a parent's role changes as children grow and become better able to handle disappointments. Perhaps just as important, the author talks about how parents can keep themselves calm so they can recognize and manage both the causes and the results of children's frustration. A parent educator for more than three decades, Elizabeth Crary has written 32 books and dozens of articles on child guidance issues. Her landmark Without Spanking or Spoiling, published in 1979, continues to be a Parenting Press bestseller (see page 16), in part because it acknowledges that every family may have different needs and styles. It isthis commitment to helping families and teachers explore alternatives and select the options which work best for them that makes Crary's books, classes and speeches so well received. Early praise for Dealing with Disappointment: "Wonderfully valuable A 'sanity saver' for the toddler years and beyond." "Helpful strategies and examples to assist kids in coping with and identifying their feelings." What readers and reviewers say about Elizabeth Crary's other books: "Concrete, specific suggestions..." "Inventive, effective solutions for common problems with children ages 1-5." ..".encourages flexibility and realistic expectations in parents and caregivers." "A treasure-trove of clear, useful ideas for every parent who has ever felt frustrated..." *Save $5 when your order includes both this book and the Feeling Elf Cards, page 4

Genres: Parenting

96 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2003

Reviews

[Kels · Rating 3 out of 5]

This has some very useful advice on how to help children recognize and cope with their feelings, but I think it's unrealistic in its expectations. I felt completely overwhelmed reading how advanced a child should be by certain ages. When I mentioned it to a group of moms, they were all shocked that any kid would be able to cope with feelings as well as the book presents. In retrospect, the examples of children successfully coping often felt fake. Worth reading as a reminder to discuss feelings and model positive coping behaviors, but should be taken with a grain of salt.

[Meghan Waterbury · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. It promised to speak directly to my parenting woes. But I couldn't finish it. I found myself thinking more "really? Who does that?" and struggling to get through it (like a bad textbook) instead of the hoped-for "oh, that makes sense and will work for me!" enlightenment.

[Kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great layout easy to read and easy to reference. Simplifies the process of teaching young children how to identify and manage their emotions. DIscusses the importance of not fixing your children's problems but teaching them problem-solving and self-calming skills.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favourite book to recommend to fellow parents! This book helps the parent to teach his or her child successful skills for dealing with disappointment and other "big feelings." I find new insights every time I pick it up.

[Carmila]

Some children know how to deal with feelings naturally or learn easily. For others, it is more difficult, especially if their parents don't know how to do it themselves.
This book is useful as it is not based on pure theory but is full of tips, examples and even exercices.