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Finding Zach #1
Finding Zach
For five years, Zach Tyler, son of one of the world's richest software moguls, was held hostage, tortured, and abused. When he is rescued at last from the Venezuelan jungle, he is physically and psychologically shattered, but he slowly begins to rebuild the life he should have had before an innocent kiss sent him into hell. His childhood best friend David has lived those years with overwhelming guilt and grief. Every relationship David has tried has fallen apart because of his feelings for a boy he thought dead. When Zach is rescued, David is overjoyed--and then crushed when Zach shuts him out. Two years later, David returns home, and he and Zach must come to terms with the rift between them, what they feel for each other, and what their future could hold. But Zach has secrets, and one of them might well destroy their fragile love.
252 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2010
79 people are currently reading
3717 people want to read
About the author
Rowan Speedwell
16 books404 followersAn unrepentant biblioholic, Rowan Speedwell spends half her time pretending to be a law librarian, half her time pretending to be a database manager, half her time pretending to be a fifteenth-century Aragonese noblewoman, half her time… wait a minute… hmm. Well, one thing she doesn't pretend to be is good at math. She is good at pretending, though.
In her copious spare time (hah) she does needlework, calligraphy and illumination, and makes jewelry. She has a master's degree in history from the University of Chicago, is a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, and lives in a Chicago suburb with the obligatory Writer's Cat and way too many books.
In her copious spare time (hah) she does needlework, calligraphy and illumination, and makes jewelry. She has a master's degree in history from the University of Chicago, is a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, and lives in a Chicago suburb with the obligatory Writer's Cat and way too many books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 508 reviews
March 15, 2011
Dear Person who recommended this book -
Next time it may be quicker to have you plunge a knife in my chest, dig around a bit, cut out my heart, toss it on the ground while rolling it in dirt and rocks. Then have my heart run over by a couple of cars at which time you can put it back sew me up for the HEA. Basically, that is what this book did. Tragic and beautiful what us mere mortals can overcome.
Next time it may be quicker to have you plunge a knife in my chest, dig around a bit, cut out my heart, toss it on the ground while rolling it in dirt and rocks. Then have my heart run over by a couple of cars at which time you can put it back sew me up for the HEA. Basically, that is what this book did. Tragic and beautiful what us mere mortals can overcome.
May 14, 2013
2.5 Stars
This book was like being on a seesaw. I'm going to be the odd one out here, but I didn't believe Zach's story. There were so many touching and heart-wrenching parts that drew me in to Zach's pain and his heart but there was always something that tore me out of the story. Notably, pointless POV changes, frequent angsty misunderstandings, and head-hopping. This story had so much potential. There were some flashes of beautiful writing but as a whole it wasn't well executed.
I was happy the author didn't focus on the years that Zach spent in captivity but rather focused on Zach's recovery. I just wished we saw more of Zach dealing with his problems on his own rather than how it pertained to David and their relationship. Two years are skipped between the time Zach was rescued and when he meets up with David again. We see Zach continuing to deal with his trauma but we did not see the process that led to the point where Zach could begin to let David into his life. We didn't follow his journey or see any of his breakthroughs. We're just suppose to believe that Zach came out on the other side and is ready to love and be loved again. Personally I needed more and this is where I lost the connection to Zach. It seemed like the romance and the relationship were more important than Zach's recovery.
I understand that both MC's have constant self doubt, especially considering the circumstances, but I didn't believe in their struggle. All the misinterpretations and drama got old and didn't feel genuine. I hate to say this but it felt like the author was throwing all this in just to give it a "love can get you through anything" feel. Zach was tortured both physically and mentally, he was humiliated and is still suffering but many times this is lost and felt secondary to the repetitive and predictable melodrama. I ended up get extremely frustrated because in my eyes it trivialized what Zach was going through. It is a disservice to the book. I understand that this is a romance but did the romance have to only consist of: argument, world is ending, make-up, then wash, rinse, repeat? This is what ruined the book for me.
As far as the POV changes go, I didn't need to hear from either of Zach's parents, David's mother or the reporter. IMO, none of this added to the story. All the characters were dealing with the same emotions and issues and there was nothing new or different between them. The perfect parents and friends made the entire atmosphere seem fake. Everyone was so supportive and accepting, which again made me feel like the author was pushing the "everyone needs to be happy" button.
Also, why was every therapy session with Zach's parents? Obviously group therapy is needed but was it necessary for the story? It would have been much more believable if we saw Zach's solo therapy sessions. Zach was holding back so many times because he didn't want to discuss things in front of his parents. It doesn't make sense.
I also went back and forth with David too. I loved how David didn't coddle Zach or push him but at times he did some pretty bonehead things that were completely insensitive.
Between the predictable drama and the head-hopping, I didn't know where to turn.
To me, this was superficial with very little depth. It's difficult for me to brush these issues under the rug, especially when a book deals with such a serious subject matter. In the beginning, I really got pulled into Zach's story but ultimately I was disappointed.
This book was like being on a seesaw. I'm going to be the odd one out here, but I didn't believe Zach's story. There were so many touching and heart-wrenching parts that drew me in to Zach's pain and his heart but there was always something that tore me out of the story. Notably, pointless POV changes, frequent angsty misunderstandings, and head-hopping. This story had so much potential. There were some flashes of beautiful writing but as a whole it wasn't well executed.
I was happy the author didn't focus on the years that Zach spent in captivity but rather focused on Zach's recovery. I just wished we saw more of Zach dealing with his problems on his own rather than how it pertained to David and their relationship. Two years are skipped between the time Zach was rescued and when he meets up with David again. We see Zach continuing to deal with his trauma but we did not see the process that led to the point where Zach could begin to let David into his life. We didn't follow his journey or see any of his breakthroughs. We're just suppose to believe that Zach came out on the other side and is ready to love and be loved again. Personally I needed more and this is where I lost the connection to Zach. It seemed like the romance and the relationship were more important than Zach's recovery.
I understand that both MC's have constant self doubt, especially considering the circumstances, but I didn't believe in their struggle. All the misinterpretations and drama got old and didn't feel genuine. I hate to say this but it felt like the author was throwing all this in just to give it a "love can get you through anything" feel. Zach was tortured both physically and mentally, he was humiliated and is still suffering but many times this is lost and felt secondary to the repetitive and predictable melodrama. I ended up get extremely frustrated because in my eyes it trivialized what Zach was going through. It is a disservice to the book. I understand that this is a romance but did the romance have to only consist of: argument, world is ending, make-up, then wash, rinse, repeat? This is what ruined the book for me.
As far as the POV changes go, I didn't need to hear from either of Zach's parents, David's mother or the reporter. IMO, none of this added to the story. All the characters were dealing with the same emotions and issues and there was nothing new or different between them. The perfect parents and friends made the entire atmosphere seem fake. Everyone was so supportive and accepting, which again made me feel like the author was pushing the "everyone needs to be happy" button.
Also, why was every therapy session with Zach's parents? Obviously group therapy is needed but was it necessary for the story? It would have been much more believable if we saw Zach's solo therapy sessions. Zach was holding back so many times because he didn't want to discuss things in front of his parents. It doesn't make sense.
I also went back and forth with David too. I loved how David didn't coddle Zach or push him but at times he did some pretty bonehead things that were completely insensitive.
Between the predictable drama and the head-hopping, I didn't know where to turn.
To me, this was superficial with very little depth. It's difficult for me to brush these issues under the rug, especially when a book deals with such a serious subject matter. In the beginning, I really got pulled into Zach's story but ultimately I was disappointed.
December 5, 2014
Rowan Speedwell.... HOLY CRAP! You killed this one! I loved it. I loved this book so hard. It tore me down and then put me back together. I cried and clutched my kindle and could NOT put it down. Easily makes my 2013 favorites list. ::Standing ovation::
Yet again, this is another book that I refused to read the blurb of before I started. I went into this book blind and was totally shocked and horrified during the first chapter of the book. I was beside myself and, frankly, still am when I think about what happened to Zach in that god forsaken jungle.
This book is one that will stick with you for a long time. The road to Zach's recovery was long and arduous and never easy. His relationship with David (btw I'm in LOVE with the nickname Taff) was both beautiful and difficult to watch. Zach's physical and emotional scars were still very much present and colored every aspect of his burgeoning relationship with David. What Zach has to overcome was just astounding.
If I had to describe this book in one word it would be raw. The emotions were so raw and right at the surface during this entire book. I felt like I was chewed up and spit back out during my reading experience. However, going on David and Zach's journey was completely worthwhile. I loved this book and the intense feelings it evoked. I was so present the entire time.
An interesting note for me is that the author didn't heal all wounds during the course of this book. In addition, the ending is also more of a HFN than a HEA. However, this book so fabulous and so beautifully written that I LOVED it even though I could have used more closure.
Yet again, this is another book that I refused to read the blurb of before I started. I went into this book blind and was totally shocked and horrified during the first chapter of the book. I was beside myself and, frankly, still am when I think about what happened to Zach in that god forsaken jungle.
This book is one that will stick with you for a long time. The road to Zach's recovery was long and arduous and never easy. His relationship with David (btw I'm in LOVE with the nickname Taff) was both beautiful and difficult to watch. Zach's physical and emotional scars were still very much present and colored every aspect of his burgeoning relationship with David. What Zach has to overcome was just astounding.
If I had to describe this book in one word it would be raw. The emotions were so raw and right at the surface during this entire book. I felt like I was chewed up and spit back out during my reading experience. However, going on David and Zach's journey was completely worthwhile. I loved this book and the intense feelings it evoked. I was so present the entire time.
An interesting note for me is that the author didn't heal all wounds during the course of this book. In addition, the ending is also more of a HFN than a HEA. However, this book so fabulous and so beautifully written that I LOVED it even though I could have used more closure.
August 16, 2014
Spoilerish Review!
So, I read this book in french with Mish. It could be that I missed something and it deserves an extra star, but I'm going for four. I gained a whole new level of respect for Giulio, Marco, and Marte while reading this book. To read in a second language is a real challenge and I'm amazed by these three, and all my other friends who read in a second language.
This is not an easy read emotionally. There is a lot of physical and sexual abuse in the MC's background. I don't mind reading about these things, but they don't make for a breezy, fun read, obviously. I was quite fond of the MC, Zach, and his love interest, David. Their relationship felt real and I enjoyed watching them evolve.
My only beef with this book, and what tempted me to give it three stars instead of four, was in David's treatment of Zach. Zach, who is suffering from PTSD, should be handled with kid gloves. David calls him names and is physically rough with him. These scenes are written so that the reader understands David is just messing around, but I think anyone with common sense would know better than to tackle a rape victim and throw him to the ground. Zach's reactions to this treatment were never believable to me.
I am going to read this again in english in a few months and my rating may go up.
June 4, 2012
What to say? Where to begin? The books I love always seem to leave me speechless! So it seems this is another one of those books.
So I think I will just make a list of...my opinions:
♦ I read it straight through all in one day
♦ I had no idea what it was about before I started.
♦ I loved every word of it.
♦ It was beautiful
♦ It was sad, but I didn't cry.
♦ It was angsty, but not too angsty for me.
♦ It felt real.
♦ Zach was stronger than anyone gave him credit for.
♦ David had the patience of a saint.
♦ There was a lot of sexual tension.
♦ Zach and David were frustrating and couldn't communicate.
♦ The sex was hot.
♦ I loved all the secondary characters
♦I hated Zach having sex with other people
♦ I almost cried during the epilogue...almost.
♦ My favorite quote:
♦ I would love to know about Zach and David's relationship following the epilogue, but I hate sequels so I hope there will never be one.
So I think I will just make a list of...my opinions:
♦ I read it straight through all in one day
♦ I had no idea what it was about before I started.
♦ I loved every word of it.
♦ It was beautiful
♦ It was sad, but I didn't cry.
♦ It was angsty, but not too angsty for me.
♦ It felt real.
♦ Zach was stronger than anyone gave him credit for.
♦ David had the patience of a saint.
♦ There was a lot of sexual tension.
♦ Zach and David were frustrating and couldn't communicate.
♦ The sex was hot.
♦ I loved all the secondary characters
♦I hated Zach having sex with other people
♦ I almost cried during the epilogue...almost.
♦ My favorite quote:
♦ I would love to know about Zach and David's relationship following the epilogue, but I hate sequels so I hope there will never be one.
October 25, 2019
I've read it in one sitting and I've enjoyed it. I was in for the dark part. There are only a few scenes that are really dark, mostly memories. Overall it was a good one, it kept my interest, I enjoyed the main characters and the ending was pretty sweet.
June 20, 2011
urmm...it was not as angsty as I'd hoped, which was disappointing. This story has the potential to be quite an emotional roller coaster ride, but it fell short of expectation. It might sounds a little messed up on my part, but Zach was not emotionally damaged enough for me. Considering how f*cked up, figuratively and literally, he was by what happened to him, I thought he should have been a bit more, I don't know...unbalanced? skittish? insane? ...something that would more strongly conveys how traumatizing his time in captivity was.
And maybe he was all of that. Maybe it was difficult as hell for him to overcome that horrific experience and gain back his humanity after those assholes had him at their mercy for so long. But I wouldn't know because, unfortunately, we don't get to see any of that.
There was a time skip.
Yup... a 2-year time skip between when he was rescued and when he reunites with David again. And yeah it was really sucky on the author's part of leave out all the juicy details on how Zach overcame his trauma. He went from crawling around on all four, growling and behaving like a beast, to walking, speaking, and going to parties like a regular person... all within a couple of pages. The change was too jarring for me, and I was deeply disappointed.
There are books that I read for laughs, books that I read for the fantasy, and there are books that I specifically read, hoping to be left sobbing into my pillowcase because my heart is breaking for the main character and whatever he/she is going through. And that whole period within the time skip there? That would have been the highlight of this story for me. It's where all the angst is supposed to be, where all the tears and the heartbreak, and the emotional roller coaster ride takes place. I expected to be able to cry my eyes out over it!
Buuuut we don't get to see any of that, so the tears never came for me. It was like...ok, Zach's found, and then suddenly it's 2 years later, and he's pretty much gotten past the major milestones in the recovery process. And he did it all without David being there at all to help him, or lend his support in anyway. David just sort of came in later and helped him heal the rest of the way. So... were we robbed or what?
I think so. But regardless, I'd still say: read it. I'm a bit disappointed, yes, but don't let my opinion stop you from trying this book. This is not a bad book, and I liked it well enough. Try it and see if the story works for you. There were some great parts in this book. I just wished the experience was more fulfilling, and the emotions more raw... I wish there was more depth, more angst, just...more, you know?
And maybe he was all of that. Maybe it was difficult as hell for him to overcome that horrific experience and gain back his humanity after those assholes had him at their mercy for so long. But I wouldn't know because, unfortunately, we don't get to see any of that.
There was a time skip.
Yup... a 2-year time skip between when he was rescued and when he reunites with David again. And yeah it was really sucky on the author's part of leave out all the juicy details on how Zach overcame his trauma. He went from crawling around on all four, growling and behaving like a beast, to walking, speaking, and going to parties like a regular person... all within a couple of pages. The change was too jarring for me, and I was deeply disappointed.
There are books that I read for laughs, books that I read for the fantasy, and there are books that I specifically read, hoping to be left sobbing into my pillowcase because my heart is breaking for the main character and whatever he/she is going through. And that whole period within the time skip there? That would have been the highlight of this story for me. It's where all the angst is supposed to be, where all the tears and the heartbreak, and the emotional roller coaster ride takes place. I expected to be able to cry my eyes out over it!
Buuuut we don't get to see any of that, so the tears never came for me. It was like...ok, Zach's found, and then suddenly it's 2 years later, and he's pretty much gotten past the major milestones in the recovery process. And he did it all without David being there at all to help him, or lend his support in anyway. David just sort of came in later and helped him heal the rest of the way. So... were we robbed or what?
I think so. But regardless, I'd still say: read it. I'm a bit disappointed, yes, but don't let my opinion stop you from trying this book. This is not a bad book, and I liked it well enough. Try it and see if the story works for you. There were some great parts in this book. I just wished the experience was more fulfilling, and the emotions more raw... I wish there was more depth, more angst, just...more, you know?
October 19, 2012
*sigh* Oh, to be loved as David loved Zach.
“Finding Zach” is a book equal parts horrific, tragic, heartbreaking, sensual, victorious, and loving. It touches on themes of kidnapping, abuse, family, young love, healing, and PTSD. You’d think you’d go dizzy with ALL of that. But, I found myself just feeling FULL at the end…in the best way…
The loveliest part of this book, and the center of everything, is the relationship between Zach (a boy kidnapped and tortured at the age of 15 for 5 years) and David (his longtime friend and the love of his young life). What woo’d me the most was how DEEPLY and COMPLETELY David devoted himself and loved Zach. It’s enough to make both the romantic and the cynic swoon. I felt parts of this book in my heart, in my tears, in my girlie parts, in my toes, and even in my teeth! (I know that sounds weird…but there are nerve ending there! :) )
I had a bit of a struggle with the WHY of how deeply David felt towards Zach…it took but one kiss for him to realize it and then hold on to it for years. Damn…must have been ONE FINE KISS! But, I let it go because the love itself was GLORIOUS (heavens parting, angels singing, gold shining glorious!)
This book is not all roses and sunshine…there are some difficult parts to read…but if you’re up to it, you’ll be rewarded. Highly recommended.
April 24, 2012
One of the things I liked about this book was that it surprised me several times, in ways both large and small. Given the abuse that Zach suffered, I thought the timeline was realistic. Years of therapy and residual PTSD were appropriate. I liked the fact that the guys reactions to each other weren't always predictable. They interacted in ways that carried both echoes of their past teen relationship and the stresses of their current post-major-trauma situation. This book was at some moments funnier and less angsty than the plot would have suggested, and yet the mood always felt appropriate, (and there was plenty of emotion here.) Very well done.
May 12, 2010
It was a fawking bloody disaster....
Gotcha! Caught your attention didn't I? Just yanking but it works. LOL Well, relax, I'm not talking about the book. I'm talking about the story in and of itself. The cluster fawk of events, the circumstances and what made this story so gut wrenching, hard to stomach and one that should win an award for best novel for 2010. So far.
What this story brought on was: I was sickened by the details of pain, the suffering, the years of endless torture and mistreatment which is putting it mildly that Zack suffered at the hands of one extremely cruel sadistic bastard. Horror filled my gut because reading of his fears makes your own surface to the forefront to spine tingling chills with the unimaginable of what ifs. What if you were in Zach's shoes, his place? What if that happened to you? What would you have done? What if you could change it all and do it over? Well Zach was the unfortunate recipient and the victim. A victim in more ways than our sane mind can even imagine. But he's in part a hero, he's courageous and more than I even could have dealt with in that situation.
Read how he coped with it day after day from the time he's rescued.
I felt compassion for David and the hurtles, his own self guilt that with herculean efforts to be there for Zach. It was more than love you'll read about between these two men. Thick and thin, forever and life... their love seemed infinite and eternal.
I was hesitant with hearing those who found it so emotional and it was, but it was not till the very final two paragraphs of the book that the extreme emotions set in and a tear or two was shed by the closeted Queen hidden within me. It all sucker punched me in the chest to leave me breathless. This is one hellova remarkable story. Precisely and expertly written, superseded my expectations in all aspects. A complete 10 if I could have rated it at that but the 5 will just have to do.
Gotcha! Caught your attention didn't I? Just yanking but it works. LOL Well, relax, I'm not talking about the book. I'm talking about the story in and of itself. The cluster fawk of events, the circumstances and what made this story so gut wrenching, hard to stomach and one that should win an award for best novel for 2010. So far.
What this story brought on was: I was sickened by the details of pain, the suffering, the years of endless torture and mistreatment which is putting it mildly that Zack suffered at the hands of one extremely cruel sadistic bastard. Horror filled my gut because reading of his fears makes your own surface to the forefront to spine tingling chills with the unimaginable of what ifs. What if you were in Zach's shoes, his place? What if that happened to you? What would you have done? What if you could change it all and do it over? Well Zach was the unfortunate recipient and the victim. A victim in more ways than our sane mind can even imagine. But he's in part a hero, he's courageous and more than I even could have dealt with in that situation.
Read how he coped with it day after day from the time he's rescued.
I felt compassion for David and the hurtles, his own self guilt that with herculean efforts to be there for Zach. It was more than love you'll read about between these two men. Thick and thin, forever and life... their love seemed infinite and eternal.
I was hesitant with hearing those who found it so emotional and it was, but it was not till the very final two paragraphs of the book that the extreme emotions set in and a tear or two was shed by the closeted Queen hidden within me. It all sucker punched me in the chest to leave me breathless. This is one hellova remarkable story. Precisely and expertly written, superseded my expectations in all aspects. A complete 10 if I could have rated it at that but the 5 will just have to do.
August 31, 2010
This is an amazing story about the ability of the human spirit to endure the most horrendous situations - and come out, if not unblemished, whole enough to have another go at leading a fulfilled life.
It is not a book where I can simply say "I loved the book" and give a list of reasons. The truth is, I didn't love all of the book because the thought of a human being, Zach in this case, having to go through such suffering and torture is not something I can "love" reading about.
The reason I gave it 5 stars is that the message the book gives is one that I find impressive, as well as the way that the author gives us this message. Neither Zach, nor the man he loves and who loves him back with an unwavering strength, are perfect. Far from it. They have misunderstandings and need to learn how to trust each other like any other couple. Except they have to do it with the added obstacles of guilt and issues coming from their past and Zach's ordeal.
It was a joy to see their relationship change and grow despite all these problems and both partners' definitely being human beings - with all the faults and issues attached to that status.
A brilliant read, but one which requires a strong stomach.
It is not a book where I can simply say "I loved the book" and give a list of reasons. The truth is, I didn't love all of the book because the thought of a human being, Zach in this case, having to go through such suffering and torture is not something I can "love" reading about.
The reason I gave it 5 stars is that the message the book gives is one that I find impressive, as well as the way that the author gives us this message. Neither Zach, nor the man he loves and who loves him back with an unwavering strength, are perfect. Far from it. They have misunderstandings and need to learn how to trust each other like any other couple. Except they have to do it with the added obstacles of guilt and issues coming from their past and Zach's ordeal.
It was a joy to see their relationship change and grow despite all these problems and both partners' definitely being human beings - with all the faults and issues attached to that status.
A brilliant read, but one which requires a strong stomach.
November 27, 2013
This was about a young man of 15, kidnapped, tortured, raped, held prisoner in a cage, treated like his captors dog for 5 grueling years. Then by a fluke Zach is saved and given back to his family. this book was about Zach's path back, the courage, the strength, the will to not give up.
And this was about his best friend David, and David's guilt over what he perceived as his part in Zach being kidnapped. And David finding a way to convince Zach that he loves him and wants to be with him.
I loved these two and I especially loved David's patience, love and understanding. He truly loved Zach and was willing to give Zach whatever he needed to help him with his healing.
This story absolutely got right into my heart and I couldn't read this fast enough. I found myself crying and absolutely shut out everything and everyone around me who might interfere in my reading!
This story absolutely positively moved me. what a read! amazing!
August 30, 2019
Re-Read: For the I-don't-know-what time. Every bit as good to me. Firmly a favorite. Gets me emotional. Outstanding!
It WAS amazing. Great characters and story - and the perfect length. Zach's torture and slavery was heartbreaking. His desire to overcome his past was heartwarming...and although I didn't originally like David too much (he seemd kind of weak to me) I grew to love him. Highly recommended!
It WAS amazing. Great characters and story - and the perfect length. Zach's torture and slavery was heartbreaking. His desire to overcome his past was heartwarming...and although I didn't originally like David too much (he seemd kind of weak to me) I grew to love him. Highly recommended!
January 16, 2014
Yes, oh yes. My dear friends, this is what I've been waiting for... I's been so long since I've felt moved by an honest-to-goodness romance. And Finding Zach has romance in abundance.
Here's the things I'd like you all to know.
- It made me cry tears of joy
- It is now in my favorite reads of 2013
- It was a pleasure to read. There was no fuss in the writing, just words that somehow carried the story along. Really effortless reading
- The sex scenes are delicious
- The secondary characters were are delight
- Zach and David are beacons of light
It's not a typical romance with flowers, rainbows and eyebrow waggles (oh no). If anything it's far from an easy story to read because of the trauma inflicted on Zach. It's heartbreaking, with truly inhumane suffering but if you can just see/read past that you'll find a story full of love, determination, courage, longing and in the end, clouds with silver linings.
There were scenes or elements that felt a little Over The Top like so many other stories where families and friends were cliched and picture-perfect but somehow it didn't stop me from enjoying this entirely. I think that's to Ms Speedwell's (author) credit.
Lastly, I literally highlighted pages and pages and pages of this story. That in itself says enough.
I hope you all get to read it. Sincerely.
Here's the things I'd like you all to know.
- It made me cry tears of joy
- It is now in my favorite reads of 2013
- It was a pleasure to read. There was no fuss in the writing, just words that somehow carried the story along. Really effortless reading
- The sex scenes are delicious
- The secondary characters were are delight
- Zach and David are beacons of light
It's not a typical romance with flowers, rainbows and eyebrow waggles (oh no). If anything it's far from an easy story to read because of the trauma inflicted on Zach. It's heartbreaking, with truly inhumane suffering but if you can just see/read past that you'll find a story full of love, determination, courage, longing and in the end, clouds with silver linings.
There were scenes or elements that felt a little Over The Top like so many other stories where families and friends were cliched and picture-perfect but somehow it didn't stop me from enjoying this entirely. I think that's to Ms Speedwell's (author) credit.
Lastly, I literally highlighted pages and pages and pages of this story. That in itself says enough.
I hope you all get to read it. Sincerely.
March 9, 2017
Wow..this book was one hell of a rollercoaster ride for me. I absolutely loved it. I wouldn't say it was too dark because i've read books way darker, but there where some parts that were hard to read. I just wished we would have gotten some more info on the 2 years that Zack was healing. I wanted to know everything. Zack was so fucking strong and he really had all my respect, what an awesome man. David was such a sweetheart..he tried to be what Zack wanted and needed..sigh.. This was an emotional story for sure, but it was also romantic and funny and hot. I think Zack is one of the strongest characters I have ever read about !! It was pretty realistic. Zack was still going to therapy 2 times a day after 2 years and wasn't healed all of a sudden. He will never be fully healed I think and that's what made this story so believable. But with the help of Taff...he sure did come a long way !!! For me It's a 4,5 star read, just because I wanted to read a bit more about the 2 year gap.
January 16, 2014
This is definitely not your boy meets boy, boy dates boy, boy has sex with boy, and boys live happily ever after type of story. It's so much better than that.
If you read the blurb about the book, you pretty much know what happens to Zach. Abducted and tortured for five years, and then rescued and returned home. This is the story of not only how he was before he was kidnapped, but how he is after.
There are definitely parts that aren't easy to read. But the main focus of the book surrounds the relationship between David and Zach. It was a heartfelt, touching story and I really loved these two together. David always loved Zach, and he was exactly what Zach needed.
Superb story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
If you read the blurb about the book, you pretty much know what happens to Zach. Abducted and tortured for five years, and then rescued and returned home. This is the story of not only how he was before he was kidnapped, but how he is after.
There are definitely parts that aren't easy to read. But the main focus of the book surrounds the relationship between David and Zach. It was a heartfelt, touching story and I really loved these two together. David always loved Zach, and he was exactly what Zach needed.
Superb story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
October 23, 2014
4.75
Lovely, touching, emotional.
My poor aching heart.
Lovely, touching, emotional.
My poor aching heart.
August 13, 2013
3.5 Stars for The Blog Of Sid Love.
For those who need a summary of this book it's behind the spoiler which is NOT a spoiler. I've just shortened this review for the benefit of the busy skim readers.
It’s a great premise right? Long lost love rekindled - broken hearts – coming of age – healing minds – friends to lovers. It’s all here, well written, well developed, believable, and emphatic. The author does a great job in executing Zach’s recovery from a psychological perspective. I’ll even admit to swallowing back a little sob at the end - which is very rare for me.
So why do I find myself sitting on the fence with it? Admittedly my rating is leaning toward the favourable side but I'm mourning what could have been on the negative side.
The beginning is intense, riveting and exciting. The first 50-ish% felt different to the other recycled tropes of its kind. I felt invested in the characters and especially the outcome for most of its length. There is an underlying angst that drives this story, and I was constantly waiting for the bomb to drop. It builds and builds and then fizzles into a spluttering frustrated dialog of misinterpretations and miscommunications. The overly used statement “What are you talking about?” from both MC’s is a constant that grated on me to no end. What promised to be different, just … wasn’t.
And that is why I’m sitting on the fence feeling slightly disappointed. So I’ll just slap myself out of it and stop playing devil’s advocate to recall what I loved instead: the unconditional LOVE, the balance between dark and light, the rough with the fluff - it’s reciprocal and in the end it leaves me with a light heart.
Do I recommend it? YES! Just ignore my screwed up rating system. Finding Zach is worth your hard earned pennies, I promise.
For those who need a summary of this book it's behind the spoiler which is NOT a spoiler. I've just shortened this review for the benefit of the busy skim readers.
It’s a great premise right? Long lost love rekindled - broken hearts – coming of age – healing minds – friends to lovers. It’s all here, well written, well developed, believable, and emphatic. The author does a great job in executing Zach’s recovery from a psychological perspective. I’ll even admit to swallowing back a little sob at the end - which is very rare for me.
So why do I find myself sitting on the fence with it? Admittedly my rating is leaning toward the favourable side but I'm mourning what could have been on the negative side.
The beginning is intense, riveting and exciting. The first 50-ish% felt different to the other recycled tropes of its kind. I felt invested in the characters and especially the outcome for most of its length. There is an underlying angst that drives this story, and I was constantly waiting for the bomb to drop. It builds and builds and then fizzles into a spluttering frustrated dialog of misinterpretations and miscommunications. The overly used statement “What are you talking about?” from both MC’s is a constant that grated on me to no end. What promised to be different, just … wasn’t.
And that is why I’m sitting on the fence feeling slightly disappointed. So I’ll just slap myself out of it and stop playing devil’s advocate to recall what I loved instead: the unconditional LOVE, the balance between dark and light, the rough with the fluff - it’s reciprocal and in the end it leaves me with a light heart.
Do I recommend it? YES! Just ignore my screwed up rating system. Finding Zach is worth your hard earned pennies, I promise.
February 9, 2017
Overall book rating: 4
Audio Book: Paul Morey 4
Book Cover: 3
Well that was....exhausting/sad/emotional/hopefull/happy/messed-up/hopless/volatile/all-over-the-place/confusing...
Zack’s story is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine a human being living through the things this kid had to survive, but he does, and in realistic fashion – not without scars. Both physical and emotional. Big gaping scars.
Tav aka David plays the “protector” roll. Though he couldn’t protect Zack from the horrors out there. Tav is just a kid himself when tragedy strikes and he can’t get over the memory of Zack.
Because we get the story out of all possible aspects it was both really great and sometimes a little confusing. I started out thinking that the soldier who finds Zack – Mike, as I later find out – will be having a more prominent role in the story. But round about the point Richard gets his own moment of awareness I figured the author is just spoiling me with a multitude of inside info on everyone’s perspective. I have to say I really enjoyed this about the story. Didn’t have to wonder how everyone is doing or what they are thinking most of the time. The one negative about this is at some point I felt I had more “inside moments” that was maybe necessary, on the other hand I was wondering why every person in the story got a moment of glory if you’re not going to make them more involved.
Somewhere in the middle round I got to wondering if this is going to be one long back and forth between Zack and Tav on their emotional roller coaster. I understand the why and the need for it, but I almost got the point where I wanted to get a little “bored”? Maybe? Not quite but you get the picture?
I'm not convinced that Zack will ever be truly "okay" I didn't like the interview thing at all, if I was David I would have beaten ever living daylight out of Brian. Point match. And I think that these boys have their work cut out for them for the rest of their normal lives. But hey, I'm rooting for them to make a success of it.
I did love the story though. And the last paragraph of the epilogue made me smile and want to leave it with a happy sigh. So not a 5 star read for me, but pretty damn good still.
Audio Book: Paul Morey 4
Book Cover: 3
Well that was....exhausting/sad/emotional/hopefull/happy/messed-up/hopless/volatile/all-over-the-place/confusing...
Zack’s story is heartbreaking. I can’t imagine a human being living through the things this kid had to survive, but he does, and in realistic fashion – not without scars. Both physical and emotional. Big gaping scars.
Tav aka David plays the “protector” roll. Though he couldn’t protect Zack from the horrors out there. Tav is just a kid himself when tragedy strikes and he can’t get over the memory of Zack.
Because we get the story out of all possible aspects it was both really great and sometimes a little confusing. I started out thinking that the soldier who finds Zack – Mike, as I later find out – will be having a more prominent role in the story. But round about the point Richard gets his own moment of awareness I figured the author is just spoiling me with a multitude of inside info on everyone’s perspective. I have to say I really enjoyed this about the story. Didn’t have to wonder how everyone is doing or what they are thinking most of the time. The one negative about this is at some point I felt I had more “inside moments” that was maybe necessary, on the other hand I was wondering why every person in the story got a moment of glory if you’re not going to make them more involved.
Somewhere in the middle round I got to wondering if this is going to be one long back and forth between Zack and Tav on their emotional roller coaster. I understand the why and the need for it, but I almost got the point where I wanted to get a little “bored”? Maybe? Not quite but you get the picture?
I'm not convinced that Zack will ever be truly "okay" I didn't like the interview thing at all, if I was David I would have beaten ever living daylight out of Brian. Point match. And I think that these boys have their work cut out for them for the rest of their normal lives. But hey, I'm rooting for them to make a success of it.
I did love the story though. And the last paragraph of the epilogue made me smile and want to leave it with a happy sigh. So not a 5 star read for me, but pretty damn good still.
June 14, 2017
⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Might contain spoilers*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱
What a sad story. Zachary ‘Zach’ John Tyler (22) has been through hell and back and he is still standing. He might be a little fucked up in the head, but still strong and still alive. David ‘Davey’ ‘Taff’ Philip Evans (25) can't get over his one love, the one they all thought dead, but when the news came that Zach was alive, David went straight to him. Unfortunately, that didn't go so well. Fast forward 2 years, therapy 2 hours a day, Zach is better, but cold and still believing he's dreaming. David is back, and he do not want to lose Zach for good, but Zach tortious life of 5 years won't make it easy to reconnect...
“Most people - and I'm guilty of it as well - think of passion as hot, fiery, impulsive. But listening to you made me realize that passion can be a deep, warm, steady flame too. The kind of fire that keeps a man warm at night - or melts an ice wall that would drown a flashier spark.”
This was a really sad, but powerful story. To see what Zach have been through and yet still going strong is amazing. He has his ups and downs, but he keeps trying. I liked his relationship with his dad, it was adorable, but I mostly liked that David was his anchor. David was cute, patient and lovable. He felt way older than he is: someone just is wise than their years, and it was interesting to see his and Zach's relationship develop. Overall, it was a good book, not the best but still worth reading. It even made me teary a few times, which is saying much, as I am really a cold person... Hell, a part of me actually wanted more...like 10 years later or something.
I walk across the grass in the sunlight, into his arms.
I am home.
Quick basic facts:
Genre: - (Adult) Contemporary Romance (M/M)
Series: - Standalone
Love triangle? -
Cheating? -
HEA? -
Favorite character? - David Evans.
Would I read more by this author/or of series? - Sure.
Would I recommend this book/series? - Yes.
Will I read this again in the future? - No.
Rating - 3.5 stars.
May 15, 2010
Once in awhile, you find a book that is beautiful and touching, that when you read it, you want to know what happens (and keep turning the page) but at the same time you want to savor it. And when you finish, you take a deep breath, knowing that you have experienced a wonderful story, then you want to start reading it again, just because.
That is how this book for me. It's an emotional story, my heart breaks a lot for Zach and David. Both characters are amazing. Zach is fucked up but he is not damaged. Instead, he is one strong character, who despite what has happened to him, is able to go through the therapy and walk with his head held high. David is so patient and so full of love that I can't imagine anyone else so perfect for Zach.
I also love the fact that the story takes time for Zach to "recover" even two years after, he still undergoes therapy. In other story like this, often the tortured hero can easily be "saved" by his lover. But this one not like that. I don't know the first thing about PSTD, but I feel that this one is more down to earth than the others. It's an AMAZING read, one of the best I read so far this year.
That is how this book for me. It's an emotional story, my heart breaks a lot for Zach and David. Both characters are amazing. Zach is fucked up but he is not damaged. Instead, he is one strong character, who despite what has happened to him, is able to go through the therapy and walk with his head held high. David is so patient and so full of love that I can't imagine anyone else so perfect for Zach.
I also love the fact that the story takes time for Zach to "recover" even two years after, he still undergoes therapy. In other story like this, often the tortured hero can easily be "saved" by his lover. But this one not like that. I don't know the first thing about PSTD, but I feel that this one is more down to earth than the others. It's an AMAZING read, one of the best I read so far this year.
January 16, 2013
~~~
4 Strong Stars -
Powerful. This book gives us a hard, deep look behind the effects of utterly inhuman treatment and how, for Zach Tyler, he even begins to find himself again.
Hatred, anger, torture, inhumanity, shame, a beaten and defeated spirit how can a human be whole again? Through love, tough love, friendship, devotion, sex, tenderness, honesty and patience. It's all in this one book, an amazing journey that may not be for everyone. I very much recommend this read, if you can stomach some of the graphic nature of the story. It is very worthwhile.
THE CHARACTERS
Zach Tyler - At 15, Zach is fresh, open, inquisitive and highly intelligent. Five years later, he is damaged, defective, and inhuman. When he begins acting angry, belligerent and caustic, it's an improvement.
David Evans - After losing his best friend David has to learn how to let go...again. David's genius lay in his stubborn, hard, yet gentle love.
THE WRITING
Honestly, I wasn't struck or un-struck by the writing, which I think is saying something. The writing didn't get in the way of this strong story but it was compelling. It could easily have taken away from the depths of the story if the imagery had been too strong. I think the talented author knowingly drove the reader's imagination to fill in the horrifying blanks. I know I visited a few dark corners of my mind while reading this.
THE STORY
Zach and David's story is deep and unique and whole and hard. The focus is on Zach's reemergence into humanity, but it's clear how his capture has affected so many others, particularly David. David tried to move on from Zach's kidnapping, but he remained "emotionally unavailable." David has nearly as much of a difficult struggle ahead of him as Zach, it's an engrossing part of the story. Zach's parents are almost too perfect in this story and yet I find myself hoping that I would respond the same way if a tragedy like this one ever crossed my path.
I've focused on the heavy, dark, emotional aspect of this story, but I should be clear there is a lot of love here. Good, sexy, enjoyable love.
~~~
Take a look at my Male/Male Romance Book Blog:
http://www.attentionisarbitrary.blogspot.com
4 Strong Stars -
Powerful. This book gives us a hard, deep look behind the effects of utterly inhuman treatment and how, for Zach Tyler, he even begins to find himself again.
Hatred, anger, torture, inhumanity, shame, a beaten and defeated spirit how can a human be whole again? Through love, tough love, friendship, devotion, sex, tenderness, honesty and patience. It's all in this one book, an amazing journey that may not be for everyone. I very much recommend this read, if you can stomach some of the graphic nature of the story. It is very worthwhile.
THE CHARACTERS
"I'm fucked up,..."
Zach Tyler - At 15, Zach is fresh, open, inquisitive and highly intelligent. Five years later, he is damaged, defective, and inhuman. When he begins acting angry, belligerent and caustic, it's an improvement.
He shuddered and he didn't know if it was fear, misery...or arousal. Shit.
David Evans - After losing his best friend David has to learn how to let go...again. David's genius lay in his stubborn, hard, yet gentle love.
THE WRITING
The fingers had turned gentle, not stopping him now, but holding him, connecting him with David like an extension cord to the heart.
Honestly, I wasn't struck or un-struck by the writing, which I think is saying something. The writing didn't get in the way of this strong story but it was compelling. It could easily have taken away from the depths of the story if the imagery had been too strong. I think the talented author knowingly drove the reader's imagination to fill in the horrifying blanks. I know I visited a few dark corners of my mind while reading this.
THE STORY
...but love -- that was asking more than he felt ready to give. It was commitment. It was eternity. It was prison...
Zach and David's story is deep and unique and whole and hard. The focus is on Zach's reemergence into humanity, but it's clear how his capture has affected so many others, particularly David. David tried to move on from Zach's kidnapping, but he remained "emotionally unavailable." David has nearly as much of a difficult struggle ahead of him as Zach, it's an engrossing part of the story. Zach's parents are almost too perfect in this story and yet I find myself hoping that I would respond the same way if a tragedy like this one ever crossed my path.
I've focused on the heavy, dark, emotional aspect of this story, but I should be clear there is a lot of love here. Good, sexy, enjoyable love.
"Jesus, Taff, you're like hot and cold running boyfriend," Zach complained. "I'm not surprised your lovers dumped you--I'm surprised they didn't murder you."
~~~
Take a look at my Male/Male Romance Book Blog:
http://www.attentionisarbitrary.blogspot.com
July 8, 2012
This was an Audio book. Great story, great characters, heartbreaking at times...but I loved it....:D
June 2, 2013
REVIEW OF REREAD & AUDIOBOOK; JUNE 2013:
This just barely made 4 stars for the reread but Paul Morey did a 5-star job once again. I'd just about buy anything Morey does:)
This time round, I felt the book would have been better with at least 50 pages less. I got frustrated that listening to audio made it difficult to skip pages but I did get impatient enough to try - and did it successfully, which convinced me the story should have been trimmed down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
REVIEW OF 1ST READING, MAY 2010:
All through the book, I kept thinking if only I had parents as understanding and supportive as the Tylers and Annie when I was growing up. A moment later, I'd think to be fair, I'd have to be a terrorist's tortured sex slave so I'm happy with what I got.
After that heart-stopping start, Finding Zach settled down into a rather sedate pace by comparison. While not unputdownable for me, since I did take days to finish it, at no time did it occur to me to ditch it. There were moments of ambivalence for me - I found the non-stop drama of living with a man dealing with severe PTSD very draining but I also have some knowledge and experience of PTSD so Zach's behavior was understandable to me as was David's inconsistent reactions. As all caregivers know, theirs is as tough a battle as the PTSD victim. I loved David and was glad Zach had someone like him to love.
I wished they had ditched the therapist, though. I kept thinking of how much it must cost to have that guy around twice a day, everyday, including Sundays! And while I'm glad I wasn't forced to sit through every minute of those tiresome therapy sessions, what little I did get made the therapist look ineffective and a waste of money. It would have been better, IMO, not to have brought the reader into any of the sessions.
I liked the second half of FZ better than the first, perhaps because I, as a reader, was also adjusting to the change of scenery. Like Zach, it took awhile for me to get used to following him back into freedom, a loving environment and learning to speak instead of bark; to the loyal, steadfast David instead of Estaban-with-the-smelly-cock. The epilogue was surprisingly moving for me and I almost teared up except I was also relieved to be done with this book and was looking forward to something mindless and indulgent.
FZ is a 4.5 stars but I enjoyed this new author's style and am giving him a 5 for this book. I am curious to see what he offers next.
This just barely made 4 stars for the reread but Paul Morey did a 5-star job once again. I'd just about buy anything Morey does:)
This time round, I felt the book would have been better with at least 50 pages less. I got frustrated that listening to audio made it difficult to skip pages but I did get impatient enough to try - and did it successfully, which convinced me the story should have been trimmed down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
REVIEW OF 1ST READING, MAY 2010:
All through the book, I kept thinking if only I had parents as understanding and supportive as the Tylers and Annie when I was growing up. A moment later, I'd think to be fair, I'd have to be a terrorist's tortured sex slave so I'm happy with what I got.
After that heart-stopping start, Finding Zach settled down into a rather sedate pace by comparison. While not unputdownable for me, since I did take days to finish it, at no time did it occur to me to ditch it. There were moments of ambivalence for me - I found the non-stop drama of living with a man dealing with severe PTSD very draining but I also have some knowledge and experience of PTSD so Zach's behavior was understandable to me as was David's inconsistent reactions. As all caregivers know, theirs is as tough a battle as the PTSD victim. I loved David and was glad Zach had someone like him to love.
I wished they had ditched the therapist, though. I kept thinking of how much it must cost to have that guy around twice a day, everyday, including Sundays! And while I'm glad I wasn't forced to sit through every minute of those tiresome therapy sessions, what little I did get made the therapist look ineffective and a waste of money. It would have been better, IMO, not to have brought the reader into any of the sessions.
I liked the second half of FZ better than the first, perhaps because I, as a reader, was also adjusting to the change of scenery. Like Zach, it took awhile for me to get used to following him back into freedom, a loving environment and learning to speak instead of bark; to the loyal, steadfast David instead of Estaban-with-the-smelly-cock. The epilogue was surprisingly moving for me and I almost teared up except I was also relieved to be done with this book and was looking forward to something mindless and indulgent.
FZ is a 4.5 stars but I enjoyed this new author's style and am giving him a 5 for this book. I am curious to see what he offers next.
November 14, 2014
Audible
One of the best books about the abuse victim.
Read by one of my favourite narrators, Paul Morey, the story of Zach and David made me experience the whole range of emotions and sob my heart out.
I loved the first half of the book so much I thought it will go straight to my favourite shelf. Unfortunately, I've found the rest of the story weaker. Something was missing from that part. Perhaps it was the predictable twist of the plot in the end or the lack of suspense. I certainly expected a bit more drama.
Nevertheless, I absolutely loved and understood both MCs and their behaviour (most of the times anyway). They've come a very long way together. Their story has warmed my heart.
***4.5 stars***
One of the best books about the abuse victim.
Read by one of my favourite narrators, Paul Morey, the story of Zach and David made me experience the whole range of emotions and sob my heart out.
I loved the first half of the book so much I thought it will go straight to my favourite shelf. Unfortunately, I've found the rest of the story weaker. Something was missing from that part. Perhaps it was the predictable twist of the plot in the end or the lack of suspense. I certainly expected a bit more drama.
Nevertheless, I absolutely loved and understood both MCs and their behaviour (most of the times anyway). They've come a very long way together. Their story has warmed my heart.
***4.5 stars***
February 7, 2011
I must say this was a phenomenal book. I expected to bawl my eyes out but I only teared up a little at the beginning and at the end and it wasn't as angsty as I was anticipating. However, this book pulled my heartstrings like crazy and because of that, made me love it even more. ^_^
Zach was held captive in the Venezuelan jungle for five years as, literally, a pet. When he's finally found, he's physically and emotionally messed up and because of that he can't even talk, having had to adapt to the life of an animal. Two years later, he's still physically and mentally scarred but he doesn't show anyone how much he's really going through, drowning himself in booze and anonymous hook-ups while pretending he's better but always, always in control of everything. It isn't until David, Zach's childhood best friend, comes back to town that things start to change for Zach. Instead of being able to keep everything bottled up inside, David makes Zach lose control and brings out all of Zach's fear and desires causing him to act out erratically; nice one minute and mean the next. Zach's healing, though, and while David is still hurt that Zach wouldn't see him right after Zach was rescued, he still loves Zach. David's willing to be patient with him and support him while he finally opens up and talks more about what happened to him even when Zach does almost all he can to push David away.
So, if you know me, my favorite type of characters are broken ones. More specifically, emotionally broken ones who went through hell and while they survived whatever tragedy it was, they still have shame or guilt or anger or fear in them because of what happened to them. Zach fits this role to the T and from the start my heart attached itself to Zach and from then on everything Zach did, whether it was being nice to David, going through a panic attack or having a sudden spurt of anger made my heart clench for him and love him. I loved David, too. He wasn't just compassionate for Zach but passionate towards Zach. Not caring one bit of what Zach looks like now and what he had to do to survive his captivity. He's angered on Zach's behalf and all he wants, no matter how much Zach makes it difficult to do, is protect Zach and love him. And in the end, he does. He manages to help Zach heal and convince him to get past his fears all while being the patient, loving guy that he is.
The writing was beautiful. I was sucked in right from the start and I didn't want to put the book down. It was interesting to see the little pieces of what happened to Zach and how he remembers them and heals from them. I also found it interesting how it was written. A majority of the book is in third person but there are a few scenes that are in first person from Zach's pov. Mainly just in the beginning when Zach is still confused on whether what is happening to him is still a dream.
Overall, this is a fantastic book. I absolutely recommend this to everyone and encourage you to read it right away. [image error] [image error]
Zach was held captive in the Venezuelan jungle for five years as, literally, a pet. When he's finally found, he's physically and emotionally messed up and because of that he can't even talk, having had to adapt to the life of an animal. Two years later, he's still physically and mentally scarred but he doesn't show anyone how much he's really going through, drowning himself in booze and anonymous hook-ups while pretending he's better but always, always in control of everything. It isn't until David, Zach's childhood best friend, comes back to town that things start to change for Zach. Instead of being able to keep everything bottled up inside, David makes Zach lose control and brings out all of Zach's fear and desires causing him to act out erratically; nice one minute and mean the next. Zach's healing, though, and while David is still hurt that Zach wouldn't see him right after Zach was rescued, he still loves Zach. David's willing to be patient with him and support him while he finally opens up and talks more about what happened to him even when Zach does almost all he can to push David away.
So, if you know me, my favorite type of characters are broken ones. More specifically, emotionally broken ones who went through hell and while they survived whatever tragedy it was, they still have shame or guilt or anger or fear in them because of what happened to them. Zach fits this role to the T and from the start my heart attached itself to Zach and from then on everything Zach did, whether it was being nice to David, going through a panic attack or having a sudden spurt of anger made my heart clench for him and love him. I loved David, too. He wasn't just compassionate for Zach but passionate towards Zach. Not caring one bit of what Zach looks like now and what he had to do to survive his captivity. He's angered on Zach's behalf and all he wants, no matter how much Zach makes it difficult to do, is protect Zach and love him. And in the end, he does. He manages to help Zach heal and convince him to get past his fears all while being the patient, loving guy that he is.
The writing was beautiful. I was sucked in right from the start and I didn't want to put the book down. It was interesting to see the little pieces of what happened to Zach and how he remembers them and heals from them. I also found it interesting how it was written. A majority of the book is in third person but there are a few scenes that are in first person from Zach's pov. Mainly just in the beginning when Zach is still confused on whether what is happening to him is still a dream.
Overall, this is a fantastic book. I absolutely recommend this to everyone and encourage you to read it right away. [image error] [image error]
January 2, 2016
When I first read this story I will admit I couldn’t say I was entertained exactly by this book. More like horrified and fascinated by turns. I’ll admit I spent the first part of the book with my hand over my mouth in shock most of the time.
There may have been a tear. Or two. It’s not like I should have invested in Kleenex for the amount of crying I did, but there were a few tears.
Regardless of the tears, I was totally rooting for Zach, who was so much stronger than he thought he was, and hoping so hard that the love he felt for David would be found again after his horrific ordeal and reciprocated.
Zach’s parent’s pain and guilt at having sent Zach away for the summer to begin with because he had kissed David, which led to Zach being kidnapped? Broke my heart.
UPDATED 01/28/2015 for audio book:
Now, I don’t know if it was that I was reading the story for a second time and therefore picked up on all the subtle nuances I missed the first time, or if my horror and empathy was better equipped to deal with the storyline, OR if Paul Morey is just that damn good…but I enjoyed the audio far, far more than I did simply reading it. This story is so richly layered, and I believe wholeheartedly that Paul Morey’s narration brought that to light.
However, the same two things that bothered me while reading the book continued to bother me this during the narration.
But the narration…oh, the narration. So well done. Paul Morey really steps up his game with this story, bringing all the hurt, rage, comfort and love to life.
RECOMMENDED!
This review has been cross-posted at Reviews by Jessewave
Read: 10/03/2014, 01/28/2015
There may have been a tear. Or two. It’s not like I should have invested in Kleenex for the amount of crying I did, but there were a few tears.
Regardless of the tears, I was totally rooting for Zach, who was so much stronger than he thought he was, and hoping so hard that the love he felt for David would be found again after his horrific ordeal and reciprocated.
Zach’s parent’s pain and guilt at having sent Zach away for the summer to begin with because he had kissed David, which led to Zach being kidnapped? Broke my heart.
UPDATED 01/28/2015 for audio book:
Now, I don’t know if it was that I was reading the story for a second time and therefore picked up on all the subtle nuances I missed the first time, or if my horror and empathy was better equipped to deal with the storyline, OR if Paul Morey is just that damn good…but I enjoyed the audio far, far more than I did simply reading it. This story is so richly layered, and I believe wholeheartedly that Paul Morey’s narration brought that to light.
However, the same two things that bothered me while reading the book continued to bother me this during the narration.
But the narration…oh, the narration. So well done. Paul Morey really steps up his game with this story, bringing all the hurt, rage, comfort and love to life.
RECOMMENDED!
This review has been cross-posted at Reviews by Jessewave
Read: 10/03/2014, 01/28/2015
January 11, 2013
3.5 stars - 4 for the plot, 3 for the writing.
In my opinion, this book sadly fell short of what it could have been. It had a lot of potential - the *story* was there. It just lacked the execution.
I will definitely give credit where it's due - there were a few things I thought the book did really well. Both the opening and closing chapters did a great job book-ending the story. Zach's horrific imprisonment and dehumanization was definitely portrayed in an effective manner, and the ending left me feeling hope and satisfaction that he is truly on a healthy road to a full recovery.
I also thought that Zach himself made sense (for lack of better words) - that strange mix of Zach as the ruined, hardass adult, and Zach as the perpetual child whose growth was stunted? That characterization worked for me.
I also liked David, and I definitely bought his love for Zach. There are some genuinely tender moments between them that made my heart twist. The fact that David is the is a beautiful but bittersweet touch to their romance.
But honestly, I just found most of this book a frustrating mess that gave me whiplash. It's not that David and Zach's ups and downs (and constant misunderstandings) were unbelievable, per se. It's just that their should we?/shouldn't we? drama was ALL there was to about 75% of the book. That, and those occasional SERIOUSLY awkward joint therapy sessions with "Dick and Jane." No way in hell would I have wanted my parents in on that shit. *shudder*
This is a book with some pretty intense, heavy subject matter, and I get that his relationship with David is a major part of Zach's healing process, but yet it almost felt... glib to put that much focus on the romance aspect of the story, and downplay everything else. Not only that, but I was left feeling unsatisfied, like there were questions that had been hinted at, but left unanswered. At the end of the day, I just think the writing lacked the sophistication to really pull this off.
In my opinion, this book sadly fell short of what it could have been. It had a lot of potential - the *story* was there. It just lacked the execution.
I will definitely give credit where it's due - there were a few things I thought the book did really well. Both the opening and closing chapters did a great job book-ending the story. Zach's horrific imprisonment and dehumanization was definitely portrayed in an effective manner, and the ending left me feeling hope and satisfaction that he is truly on a healthy road to a full recovery.
I also thought that Zach himself made sense (for lack of better words) - that strange mix of Zach as the ruined, hardass adult, and Zach as the perpetual child whose growth was stunted? That characterization worked for me.
I also liked David, and I definitely bought his love for Zach. There are some genuinely tender moments between them that made my heart twist. The fact that David is the is a beautiful but bittersweet touch to their romance.
But honestly, I just found most of this book a frustrating mess that gave me whiplash. It's not that David and Zach's ups and downs (and constant misunderstandings) were unbelievable, per se. It's just that their should we?/shouldn't we? drama was ALL there was to about 75% of the book. That, and those occasional SERIOUSLY awkward joint therapy sessions with "Dick and Jane." No way in hell would I have wanted my parents in on that shit. *shudder*
This is a book with some pretty intense, heavy subject matter, and I get that his relationship with David is a major part of Zach's healing process, but yet it almost felt... glib to put that much focus on the romance aspect of the story, and downplay everything else. Not only that, but I was left feeling unsatisfied, like there were questions that had been hinted at, but left unanswered. At the end of the day, I just think the writing lacked the sophistication to really pull this off.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 10, 2017
3.5
It's a really gripping premise, and I was so engrossed I read the book through in practically a single sitting. Though we learn enough about Zach's experience to respect how hellish it was, thankfully the author does not exploit its lurid potential at all. This is not a sick non-con pet/slave story; above all it is a book about trauma and the messy, painful, uneven process of healing from it--not just for the victim but his family and loved ones too. I found it moving and insightful much of the time, and was very engaged by both the two heroes and by the family members who care about them.
The book reminded me at times of Klune's Bear, Otter, and the Kid. The central relationship is similar--traumatized younger man, would-be protective older man, who are life-long friends, and must repair not only the effects of the trauma itself but long-standing misunderstandings in their relationship. Also similar to Klune's book, the characters tend towards the hyper-articulate about their feelings. The tendency is pretty much universal among the characters: even minor characters like the old high school friends who get together for beer and pizza speak like they're distilling the results of years of talk therapy. It makes sense given the book's investment in the therapeutic process, and I always found the insights very astute and interesting, but they were often given in long speeches that made me think of a stage play. Especially in the final quarter, I felt the insights were payed for by a sacrifice in realism.
Altogether, a moving, engrossing read, with two very sympathetic heroes and a lot of insights on how a family heals from a horrifying trauma.
April 8, 2019
DNF at 50% re-read April 2019
I knew there was a reason I only ever read this book once. I always had a feeling this wouldn't hold up in a re-read. And I was right.
There was too much push and pull and hiding of feelings and not talking and being an overall stupid person for me to like this. These guys were super frustrating and I couldn't take it anymore.
I'm going to leave my original rating, but that's not how I feel about it now. I am going to round it down this time.
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3.5 stars
This wasn’t as hard to read as I thought it would be. The beginning was, but the rest was not as dark as I had expected.
The beginning made me sick to my stomach, but that was ok, it was necessary to read what Zach went through to understand more of him.
There was angst, but it wasn’t all bad. David and Zach were perfect for each other. There were times when I wanted to slap them and tell them to quit all the bullshit and to just open up and TALK to each other.
I did feel like something was missing. If I like the MCs I usually don’t care what happens, I will like everything. But I got a little irritated with Zach and David at times. The way these two handled some things was just frustrating.
I liked the fact that David and Zach really needed each other. I am always a sucker for the I-cannot-live-without-you love. I also liked Zach’s parents and David’s mother. Although it wasn’t always very realistic. Richard, Jane and Annie talked like a couple of 16 year olds at times. I know they are supposed to be all open-minded and hippie like, but it was a tad too much.
So, the angst was doable and overall I liked it.
I knew there was a reason I only ever read this book once. I always had a feeling this wouldn't hold up in a re-read. And I was right.
There was too much push and pull and hiding of feelings and not talking and being an overall stupid person for me to like this. These guys were super frustrating and I couldn't take it anymore.
I'm going to leave my original rating, but that's not how I feel about it now. I am going to round it down this time.
--------------------------------------
3.5 stars
This wasn’t as hard to read as I thought it would be. The beginning was, but the rest was not as dark as I had expected.
The beginning made me sick to my stomach, but that was ok, it was necessary to read what Zach went through to understand more of him.
There was angst, but it wasn’t all bad. David and Zach were perfect for each other. There were times when I wanted to slap them and tell them to quit all the bullshit and to just open up and TALK to each other.
I did feel like something was missing. If I like the MCs I usually don’t care what happens, I will like everything. But I got a little irritated with Zach and David at times. The way these two handled some things was just frustrating.
I liked the fact that David and Zach really needed each other. I am always a sucker for the I-cannot-live-without-you love. I also liked Zach’s parents and David’s mother. Although it wasn’t always very realistic. Richard, Jane and Annie talked like a couple of 16 year olds at times. I know they are supposed to be all open-minded and hippie like, but it was a tad too much.
So, the angst was doable and overall I liked it.
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