Is It a Choice? Answers to the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay & Lesbian People

by Eric Marcus

The answers to all the questions you've ever had about sexual orientation but were afraid to ask. Eric Marcus provides insightful, no-nonsense answers to hundreds of the most commonly asked questions about same-sex orientation. Offering frank and accepting insight on everything you've always wanted-and needed-to know about same-gender relationships, coming out, family roles, politics, and much more,

 How do you know if you're gay or lesbian?

What should you do if your child is gay or lesbian?

Do gay parents raise gay children?

What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

Genres: Nonfiction, Gay, LGBT, Self Help, Sociology, Queer, Psychology

302 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

Eric Marcus is a communications expert who has been communicating with the broad public and specific niche audiences for three decades.  His work has ranged from writing consumer-oriented books and developing promotional and informational materials for non-profit and commercial enterprises to production jobs for both documentaries and television network news.

Eric’s ten books include Why Suicide?, What If Someone I Know Is Gay?, and Breaking the Surface, the #1 New York Times best-selling autobiography of Olympic diving champion Greg Louganis.  In addition, Eric has written articles and columns for the New York Times, New York Daily News, New York Post, Newsweek, and the New Jersey Star-Ledger.

His many clients have included Waldenbooks, PBS “American Experience,” and Sanky Communications (for which he has worked on development materials for Planned Parenthood NYC, the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, the Christopher & Dana Reeve Foundation, and MOMA, among others).  Most recently, Eric has worked with the family of the late Sir James Goldsmith to create detailed illustrated guides for their two nature reserves and luxury resorts that convey to guests, potential guests, and travel industry experts the essential qualities and features of these remarkable places.

Eric is a former associate producer for ABC’s “Good Morning America” and “CBS This Morning.”  For a recent PBS “American Experience” documentary about the 1969 Stonewall uprising in New York’s Greenwich Village, Eric wore several hats, including advisor, associate producer, still photographer, and author of the film’s online teaching guide.

In addition to his behind-the-scenes work, Eric also has extensive experience on the other side of the microphone and camera as a spokesman on a range of issues related to his books.  He is also a seasoned moderator and conversation facilitator, and in that capacity has worked in both public and private forums for clients ranging from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association to Unilever and the University of South Dakota.

Eric Marcus is a graduate of New York City public schools, after which he attended Vassar College and earned master’s degrees from Columbia University in both journalism and real estate development.

Reviews

[Kerttu Kuku · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kasulik raamat, mis selgitab hästi lahti kõige levinumad küsimused, millega LGBTQ kogukond kokku puutub. Mina oluliselt palju uut informatsiooni ei saanud ning annab tunda, et teos on üle 20 aasta vana. Aga arvan, et on täitsa kohane ka praeguses kümnendis ning täitsa tasuks ära sarnane raamat ka eesti keeles.

[Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

If there isn't a book called Homosexuality for Dummies, this could possibly be THAT book. Those who are ignorant to homosexuality and in search of answers will find them in this book. I would strongly recommend this book to someone who has a friend or family member who has recently come out to them. The book also offers a helpful bibliography and a list a resources in the back.

[Bryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for those with some acquaintance with gays and lesbians and the issues facing them, their friends and family who want to know more. Assumes that the reader knows nothing, so also an excellent resource for someone who knows nothing at all about gay and lesbian issues.

[Milo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clearly the target audience is people lacking any education on LGBT+ issues. I felt like I was primarily reading information I already knew. It was primarily an introductory, Q&A-style, approach, and rarely got deep.

The book is dated — I was reading the 3rd edition (2005), which already is behind the times again.

The book also is pretty exclusively focused on gays and lesbians, and primarily ignores bisexual, transgender, and other LGBT+ identities and orientations (though at least this is openly acknowledged in the book's Introduction). It's also very USA-focused, and only occasionally addresses LGBT+ experiences in other countries and cultures.

Some of the advice given gave me pause. Maybe it's because of times changing; but more than once there is an advice question, to which his second piece of advice seems much more appropriate than his first suggestion.

I had issues with this book, but I am glad that this kind of literature exists.

[Jim Dunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Is It a Choice was an entertaining and interesting read but could be updated with another edition to address questions the author, Eric Marcus, answers with more recent information. The book responds to a wide variety of serious inquisitiveness ranging from relationships and aging to lighter questions, including:

"Do all lesbians drive Subarus?"

and

"Why are gay men fans of opera?"

I would offer Is It a Choice to anybody who has doubts that people choose a sexual orientation that's not straight.

[Bella · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s fun to read gay history and gay life books from the 1990s knowing what will improve and what won’t. I really love Eric Marcus and the kind and clear way he writes. He’s yet to disappoint me with a book!

[Delson Roche · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written in and Q&A format, this book has bettered my understanding of the LGBTQ community. A very good guide for poorly informed people like me!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book needs to be updated. Written well before gay marriage was made legal. Other than that, I thought I knew everything on the topic. Turns out, I didn't.

[Clifford Luebben · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is certainly an easy read. Marcus' writing flows very smoothly and understandably, helping me fly through this book faster than most while still retaining what he said. My key problem is the way he answered several questions assuming that sexual orientation is genetic. He admits in the first chapter we don't really know for sure how one becomes homosexually oriented. He states that "contemporary research strongly suggests that there both a genetic and biological basis" for determining orientation, and to back this up he quotes no one. He goes on to answer questions assuming this admittedly unproven theory, such as people being more likely to be gay because their siblings are gay. He has to admit that there are no stats to support this, but points to his family. He is the only known homosexual. With twins he finally admits that it can't be purely genetic as half of homosexuals with identical twins half different orientations. Despite this any related answer continues with this assumption rendering the answers unreliable.

The rest of book is certainly better. He is a gay history expert himself, so any related answers have credibility more than most and were honestly the areas in which I had the least knowledge; therefore, I found these answers most interesting and informative. On religion, he quotes religious leaders. On mental illness, he references Dr. Hooker. Anything involving personal experience, he has his own of course, and quotes extensively from interviews and discussions with others. They support his way of seeing things, but I bought the book to gain better understanding of the gay agenda, and in this Marcus did not disappoint me.

In short, as a factual answer book, it is moderately backed. If you want to understand things from the gay agenda perspective, this is an easy way to start.

[Stephanie Peterson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is set up in a question and answer format that are grouped together by topic. The author takes questions that many people have asked about gay and lesbian people and has given the most honest answer he is able to come up with. He is very frank about it and doesn’t sugar coat anything. As I was reading through this book, I was a little offended by a few of the questions that were asked. If a person is gay or lesbian, that doesn’t make them any different from a heterosexual person. Some of the questions asked were things like “Do gay teens take their boyfriends and girlfriends to high school proms?” and “do gay people make more money than heterosexual people?” Some people are ignorant and treat homosexual people as a different species but this book does a great job in answering these types of questions. There are also a lot of legitimate questions that the author answers about coming out to family and friends, religious beliefs, and the dating relationships. I think this is a great book for people who are questioning their sexuality and it’s a good book to teach others about tolerance on the subject. I also think the fact that the author is gay helps provide authenticity on the subject.

[Rodrigo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think it is a very useful book. Of course, so centered in the U.S., but the author is american and -I assume- he was trying to answer americans' questions about LGBTT issues, so... The book obviously needs and update and some of the questions might seem dull, but I guess there's still some people out there wondering why God create gay people, or what could they do to make "those gays" disappear. A wonderful start for somebody who want to understand all about a gay son/daughter, friend, parent or just acquaintance. If ever they publish a new edition it would be wonderful to have a chapter dedicated to issues around the world, mostly given that it is more outside the U.S. where gays are getting some rights, for instance my country, Mexico, where gays can get married and adopt a kid.

[Marla · Rating 4 out of 5]

My son gave me this book to read when he came out. I found it very helpful. Especially since my biggest fear was that it was something I did or didn't do to make him Gay. Between talking with him and reading this book I began to understand that he did not have a choice in this matter - he just was.
I'd known since he was three and was just hoping I was wrong. The one thing I realize I did right was just accept it and let nature/life be his guide.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

First read the 2nd edition in high school.

Interesting to revisit this. It's a great resource for people with questions about the topic and people who are generally very ignorant about it. But there was not a thing in here that I didn't already know and combine that with the generally anecdotal rather than evidence-based nature...it's a book with many purposes but it's a excellent primer, not an in-depth look at any issue. And the author's jokes are corny.

[Chrissy]

This is an excellent book that gives real answers to almost every question you could ask about homosexuality. It's a great read for families and friends of gay people as well as anyone who wants to be more informed. I read it when I first came out and found it so helpful I gave a copy to everyone in my family and some friends upon coming out.

[Kitsune Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was very well written and informative, although some of the questions are so basic, and some even stupid, that I had quite a few face-palm moments when I was reading it. The book did have some great questions that did help me learn more about homosexuals.

[Talyseon Talyseon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not a book for the Gay Scholar, but for the straight friends, family and co-workers who want straight forward answers about questions they may not know how to ask. Excellent resource. Check out my full review. http://bit.ly/hWoV5K

[Mirrordance · Rating 3 out of 5]

Abbastanza tipico come stile a metà tra il didascalico ed il self help. Sebbene a volte le domande e le risposte appaiano ovvie e scontate il tono generale del libro non è mai irritante. Probabilmente non è un libro inutile e non è scritto male, per un pubblico specifico.

[Chris Antonsen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nobody is going to agree on everything, and that includes Marcus's answers here. Nevertheless, this is a very positive and helpful book for people who know and love anyone who is not heterosexual and anyone who might have questions about their own sexual orientation.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting and informative read, regardless of your perspective.

[Rainbowgirl34 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for the many questions that family and friends may have about being gay or lesbian. It's a good book for teens to read if they are questioning their own sexuality.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book describes that it is your choice to rather u are by,gaqy,lesbian, or straight.

[Joi · Rating 5 out of 5]

All of the questions asked in this book were clear and answered in a way that didn't read like a textbook.

[jimmy · Rating 2 out of 5]

this was an interesting one-- somewhat outdated but overall a pretty solid resource.