In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior

by Patrick J. Carnes, Elizabeth Griffin, David L. Delmonico

It's 3:30 a.m. and Kevin is still online, absorbed in pornographic images flashing across his computer screen, and searching for more. Hours ago he tucked his children into bed and said good night to his wife, retreating to the computer to "finish up some work." Although his late night ritual leaves Kevin ashamed and exhausted, he is too embarassed and guild-ridden to seek help. He tells himself that no one would understand anyway. Anonymous and accessible, the Internet offers an alluring arena for compulsive sexual behavior. Destroyed marriages, career loss, and financial ruin are common outcomes. Revealing how desperate life can become for someone addicted to online sex, In the Shadows of the Net brings hope and healing to mena dn women struggling to understand and overcome this compulsive behavior. Drawing on their collective clinical expertise as well as current research, the authors equip readers with specific strategies for recognizing and recovering from compulsive online sexual behavior.

"A valuable road map for understanding and healing cybersex addictions." Windy Maltz, M.S.W., author, The Sexual Healing Journey, and coauthor, Private Thoughts

"In the Shadows of the Net shines a hopeful light on the dark side of cyberspace. It is certain to become a valued resource in dealing with a new frontier of addictive disorders.Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist, and author Silently Seduced

"The authors Present a positive and effective approach to dealing with cybersex, a rapidsly increasing problem. In the Shadows of the Net is sure to become a classic in its field." Gary Blanchard, B.A., A.A.C., Addiction Counselor, and author, The Positive Path of Recovery

"Very powerful. In the Shadows of the Net comes at a time when the need is great for understanding and exploring cybersex treatment possibiliites. Today Internet pornography is more powerful than Viagra for many persons. I shall definitely recommend this book to my patients." Ralph H. Earle, M.Div., Ph.D., Prseident, Psychological Counseling Services, Ltd., coauthor, Lonely All the Time.

Genres: Addiction, Psychology, Sexuality, Nonfiction, Self Help

244 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2001

About the author

Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is an internationally known authority and speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He has authored over twenty books including the bestselling titles Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Facing the Shadow, Betrayal Bond, Don’t Call It Love, A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps and The Gentle Path through the Twelve Principles.

Dr. Carnes’ research provides the architecture for the “task model” of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He founded IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals), which provides CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) training and certification as well as cutting-edge information for addiction professionals. Dr. Carnes currently serves as a Senior Fellow and Executive Director for the Gentle Path Program at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Arizona.

Reviews

[Travis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yeah, so to those friends who don't know, I guess this is as good a place to confess as any. Brilliant book, and probably should be read by anyone who finds themselves, or a loved one, with a problem with internet pornography. Insightful, well-researched, and moving. Helped save my sanity and my marriage. I'll probably be reading it again soon. (On a side note, if any of my friends are surprised about this, give me a call, I have no secrets from friends!)

[Angela]

I very seldom read non-fiction. But every now and then I need to brush up on the human condition. This book is very relevant to our times. It would not have existed 20 years ago. That alone says a lot.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a mental health therapist working in the community mental health system, I'm constantly challenged by a myriad of presenting problems clients would like to work on in therapy. While I've been working in the field of co-occurring disorders (ie, addiction and mental health)since 2005, there are certain disorders I'm very skilled in and others I have very little knowledge or experience to draw from.

I'd venture to guess that an individual presenting to therapy is confident that their therapist can help them tackle any and all presenting clinical problems. Unfortunately, this is not always realistically possible. Sometimes the problem is totally out of the scope of a clinician's educational or professional competence. In these instances, referral to a more appropriate professional specialist is warranted. In a majority of cases, however, it is important for clinicians to take the initiative to seek either (or both) supervision, case consultation with trusted colleagues, and self-motivated professional development via continuing education classes/workshops or reading professional literature on the particular subject.

With that said, I was recently presented with a case involving compulsive masturbation and addictive online sexual behavior. I found myself (internally) floundering within this extremely sexually revelatory session with my client....not out of discomfort of the subject matter being discussed, but out of not knowing how to specifically help someone with this particular issue. Especially given how vulnerable my client felt telling me and wanting the client to continue feeling confident or courageous enough to proceed with treatment.

I found myself both intimidated and intrigued by this newfound clinical challenge, that of sex/cybersex addiction. Immediately and somewhat ironically, I searched various sites online for well-written and highly rated professional books on the topic. Much to my surprise, it was a disappointing and difficult search. While there are a plethora of books promoting "healthy" sexuality and how to explore one's sexuality in healthy/safe ways, books on sexual addiction are few and far between. The book I ended up getting wasn't even one I thought would be very helpful, but it ended up being decent.

"In the Shadows of the Net" explores and analyzes the dangerous allure of the Internet on one's sexual proclivities, especially given the technologically dependent society we live in. Although certainly not to be used by any means as an excuse to act out compulsive sexual behaviors, the availability of sexual content and ease of anonymity online makes it that much easier for an individual to get sucked into a downward spiral of unhealthy and unmanageable sexual behavior. Chapters in this book include identifying problematic behavior ("Do I Have a Problem with Cybersex? and "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behavior on the Internet"), analyzing sexual arousal and intimacy ("What Turns You On? The Arousal Template" and "Courtship Gone Awry"), and how to change/recover from sexually addictive behaviors ("Boundaries," "Taking That First Step," "Changing the Way You Live," "Preventing Relapse: Maintaining the Changes You've Made," and "Family Dynamics and Cybersex"). I found "Understanding Problematic Sexual Behaviors on the Internet," "What Turns You On?," "Courtship Gone Awry," and "Boundaries" to be most helpful.

Upon reading the second half of the book, I realized recovery for sex addiction is very similar to alcohol and drug addiction. The author posits that there is a stronger propensity for relapse with sexual addiction than other addictions. Not sure I agree with that, though the relapse prevention model is very much akin to those used in alcohol/drug recovery programs and seeing that made me feel more confident in my professional capabilities to help a client seeking recovery for sexual addiction. I might even take it one step further and pursue a training to become a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist.

Who can say their work is never boring or that they're always learning more about the human condition?

Therapists.

[Aaron · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is extremely similar to Carnes' other book "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sex Addiction". The book contains some of the same passages almost verbatim. This book gives interesting case studies and a 12 step program, adapted from A.A.'s 12 steps. I would say that if you read "Out of the Shadows" there really is not a need to read this book as well. Basically the main premises of the book is that sex addicts form distorted relationships with the act of sex not with people. The twelve steps is to help form healthy relationships with people not with sex.

[Randy Weled · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good read for someone looking at whether they have a problem with porn. Some good exercises that therapists might use with their clients. In some ways it seemed very elementary.

[Randon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read for a research project on sex addiction.

[richwire · Rating 2 out of 5]

Seems a little dated from a technology perspective but some good insight. Read Out of the Shadows before this one.

[Aaron Fest · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good book. It comes after reading Patrick Carnes other book, Out of the Shadows. This book took me a little longer to get through and it had more triggering content but still had great ideas that will be able to help me along in my recovery.

[Josh Trice · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very important read. Dr. Carnes provides what is onw of the most practical, insightful and helpful books on combating online sex addiction. If you or a loved one is facing this problem and have no idea where to turn, this book is the first step!

[Candra Tan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not for single.

I am single. This book tells about marriage couple a lot. It provides few answers about recovery for single male/female.

[Carrie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a good read if you or someone you know struggled with online porn. It will open your eyes to realities of what it's doing to the brain, how it destroys real relationships, and how easily it escalates into extreme sexual problems and crimes (it's full of real life stories). But I also felt like it was a little heavy on the "horrifying stories", while being light on the "how to help". I felt like I was just left feeling sickened, instead of hopeful. I think it was good to add the the collection of books to read on this topic, but wouldn't recommend it as a "stand alone" book if you're only going to read one book on the harms of pornography.

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

for inquiring minds who want to know...

[Mills College Library]

616.8583 C2897 2007