Happiness Is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual

by Dennis Prager

In this unique blend of self-help and moral philosophy, talk-radio host Dennis Prager asserts that we're actually obligated to be happy, because it makes us better people. Achieving that happiness won't be easy, though: to Prager, it requires a continuing process of counting your blessings and giving up any expectations that life is supposed to be wonderful. "Can we decide to be satisfied with what we have?" he asks. "A poor man who can make himself satisfied with his portion will be happier than a wealthy man who does not allow himself to be satisfied." Prager echoes other political commentators in complaining that too many people today see themselves as victims; he submits that the only way to achieve your desires is to take responsibility for your life rather than blaming others. Whether or not you agree with that view, if you're willing to put some thought into achieving a happier outlook, you will find plenty to mull over in Happiness Is a Serious Problem.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Philosophy, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Book Club

192 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1998

About the author

Dennis Prager is a best-selling author, columnist and nationally syndicated radio talk show host based in Los Angeles and heard on 150 stations across the country.

A Fellow at Columbia University’s School of International Affairs, where he did graduate work at the Middle East and Russian Institutes, he was appointed by President Ronald Reagan to the U.S. Delegation to the Vienna Review Conference on the Helsinki Accords, and by President George W. Bush to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Council. He holds an honorary doctorate of law from Pepperdine University.

A highly sought-after speaker and frequent cable news show guest, Dennis has lectured all over the world. His New York Times best-selling books include Think a Second Time, Happiness is a Serious Problem and Still the Best Hope: Why American Values Must Triumph. His newest book is The Ten Commandments: Still the Best Moral Code.

Reviews

[Craig Williams · Rating 2 out of 5]

My brother, a fairly staunch Republican, highly recommended I read this book, as it completely changed his life. Since my brother doesn't read much, my curiosity was piqued. Also, I'm one of those people whom, if you recommend a book, I will read it. If a book is SO GOOD that you INSIST I read it, especially a book so good that changed your life, then by god, I'll see what all the fuss is about!

Meh. I can see how this book would be a positive influence on one's life, but most of the things discussed in it aren't exactly mind blowing. I did appreciate how reasonable Dennis Prager came across, which is refreshing being that he's a conservative radio show host. Of course, I blanched at his often repeated statements that secular, Atheists/Agnostics are unlikely to be happy people, and that religion is a necessary component to happiness. While it is certainly difficult to shrug off the programming religion instills in people to make them think happiness is synonymous with religion, it's not impossible, and is, in fact, quite liberating to wrest one's psyche from the limited worldview religion imposes. Prager's view, like many other religious people who don't dare explore the concept of a universe without god, is simply that if there is no God, there is no meaning to the universe, so what's the point? I won't go into a whole tirade, but to me the answer is simple: the point of life is what you make of it.

This isn't a bad book, by any means. It does offer a lot of practical and insightful advice to lost souls. However, as someone who reads a lot of books about religion, philosophy, metaphysics, and psychology, I wasn't too terribly moved or impressed. Then again, I had just finished reading Bertrand Russell's "The Conquest of Happiness", and Russell is one of those writers who, once he has written about a particular subject, I'm hard-pressed to find anyone else who can write about it better.

[Alexander Fitzgerald · Rating 5 out of 5]

This Jewish gentleman is one of my favorite thinkers on Earth. I began listening to him because I enjoyed most (not all) of his conservative views. At a younger age I was hysterically liberal. As I came to manage a business and employees, started paying taxes, and began helping people who did nothing for me in return I initiated my conservative lean (although I refused to vote for Romney). Once I saw how the religious freedoms of Christians are repeatedly infringed upon by The Left I began getting angrier. When Adam Carolla’s radio show turned me onto Dennis Prager I felt like I finally agreed with someone.

While I don’t agree with some of his views, I’ve come to appreciate his thoroughly Socratic method. As an educated Jew he does more to protect Christians and Americans’ right to faith (or lack thereof) than most Athiests and Christians in the states. His writing style is not convoluted for the sake of proving his intelligence. He has remarkably adept and astute observations for all facets of life, that make you go, “huh…never thought of it that way” repeatedly. He has the utmost respect for someone who differs in opinion to him who wants to deconstruct the issues with him, but his biting desire for logic leaves holes in the arguments of many fraudulent speakers. You will feel as if you are no longer a passive player as he educates you.

This book is a great service to mankind because Mr. Prager sets aside his political and religious views to help people as much as he can. Building upon Viktor Frankl’s framework from Man’s Search For Meaning Prager lets you see into his methodology for weighing decisions, accepting necessary losses to enjoy a more full life, and bettering yourself through doing hard mental work. For anyone who is self-educated or self-employed this is a magnificent tome for mastering one’s mind and baser predilections.

What is even more enduring about Prager’s treatise is his fair-minded view on those who have struggled greatly. He counsels those who require medication for their psychological condition, and provides compelling and compassionate arguments for ennobling these people to a higher purpose. At no point does he work to convert anyone into a victim mentality, and he even goes at great lengths to expose how those who see themselves as victims can never achieve contentment. He works to give people the mental wherewithal to push themselves harder.

I couldn’t put this book down when I was on my vacation to Manuel Antonio. I finished it in barely three sittings. I rarely do that with any book. I usually prefer to flit around, but I felt like a wise old man was giving my mental game a kick start. I’m extremely annoyed Amazon’s Kindle website won’t let me access all of my highlighted passages from this book, because some of his anecdotes and lessons are thoroughly dumbfounding.

Pick this book up. Build some mental muscle.

[Петър Стойков · Rating 5 out of 5]

Книгата ми я препоръча една приятелка, иначе никога нямаше да прочета подобна книга - прекалено много прилича на селф-хелп бозите, които наводняват книжния пазар, които ги четат главно празноглави патки и в тях пише неща като духовно извисяване и други цитати от дийпак чопра или генератора на случайни негови фрази (не можах да схвана разликата, ама май и почитателите на чопра не успяват: http://www.wisdomofchopra.com/ хехе).


Книгата е кратка и описаното в нея точно кореспондира с моите впечатления за това какви са проблемите на другите хора със щастието и какви проблеми ми липсват на мен, поради което съм щастлив. Не знам защо, но като се питаме един друг задължителното "Как си?", не съм срещал друг човек освен себе си, който да каже че е супер. Даже като го кажа, и ме гледат като треснати някои хора... толкова са свикнали всичко на всички да не им е наред...

Основната теза на книгата, въплътена не твърде хитро в заглавието й е, че за да си щастлив се изисква да поработиш по въпроса, а не да чакаш щастието да ти падне отгоре. Да работиш за дългосрочните си цели, да се стараеш да се срещаш с хора, които те ощасливяват и да избягваш активно такива, които те теглят в обратната посока (това особено важи за роднини) и т.н.

Особено в България - най-нещастната страна на света според изследванията всяка година - е добре тая книга да се прочете.

Чак после забелязах, че автор на книгата е Денис Пегър, известният консервативен радиоводещ :)

[Negin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Dennis Prager’s wisdom and common-sense. I’ve been a fan of his for more than two decades. This is the sort of book that I’m quite sure I’ll be reading again and again. The sections and chapters are short, user-friendly, and easy to read when you have a few minutes here and there. As always, with Dennis Prager, it was challenging for me to pick my favorite quotes. Here are some of them.

Comparison is the Enemy of Contentment
“… the less we know about the people with whom we compare ourselves, the more dramatic the difference in assumed happiness. In the inimitable words of Helen Telushkin, philosopher, homemaker, and mother of my friend, the writer Joseph Telushkin, ‘The only happy people I know are people I don’t know well.
This observation is a one-sentence antidote to this obstacle to happiness (comparing ourselves with others). If all of us realized that the people with whom we negatively compare our happiness are plagued by pains and demons of which we know little or nothing, we would stop comparing our happiness with others’.”

Everyone has Been Wounded
“From the moment of our birth, life cannot give us all that we desire, and often it cannot even give us what we need. Life is difficult even when it is wonderful, and for many people it is only difficult, not wonderful.”

“Everyone has been wounded. It is almost inevitable that our parents will wound us in some way. If we are not wounded by our parents, we may be wounded by the death or illness of a parent or sibling, by a bitter marriage or bitter divorce, or if our immediate family is close to idyllic, we might be wounded by some other adult who abuses us or peers who mock us. An unscarred childhood is possible but very rare.”

Expectations
“In general, expectations lead to unhappiness.”

“For most people in most circumstances, expectations are unnecessary impediments to happiness. When expectations are unfulfilled, they cause gratuitous pain, and when they are fulfilled, they diminish gratitude, the most important element in happiness.”

“Expecting to get what we want is immaturity, not optimism, and adults cannot long sustain happiness while holding immature beliefs.”

“How do you begin minimizing expectations? First, do not fear that having expectations will make you either less optimistic or less successful. Second, acknowledge the destructive role that expectations usually play in your life. Third, take an inventory of your life and begin to express gratitude for all the good in it. With each thing for which you regularly express gratitude, you will implicitly end your expectations of having it.”

Find the Positive
“Those who choose to find the positive that can be found in virtually every situation will be blessed. Those who choose to find the awful in every situation will be cursed. As with happiness itself, this is largely your decision to make.”

Friends
“While shared values aren’t sufficient for friendship, friendship is impossible without shared values. In fact, one reason people are hurt by those they had considered friends is that friends are too often chosen without attention to their values.”

“One way to test whether you have chosen your friends wisely is to ask yourself why they are your friends. If your only answer is that you like them and they are fun to be with (certainly important components of friendship), you probably haven’t given consideration to their values. Or try this: what case could you make to people who have never met your friends to prove that your friends are good people?”

“Pay as much attention to how these people treat others, especially people from whom they need nothing, as to how they treat you. Watch, for example, how your prospective friends treat waiters and waitresses. Do they treat them as inferiors to be ordered around or with politeness and generosity?
A person’s employees or the janitor where the person works can often tell you more about an individual’s character better in ten minutes than do the person’s acquaintances of many years. People always treat others decently when they want something from them – for example, friendship, sex, money, marriage. That someone treats you well may therefore reveal nothing about that person’s character and therefore give no indication about how that individual will treat you later, under other circumstances.”

Fun
“Most people believe that happiness and fun are virtually identical. Ask them, for example, to imagine a scene of happy people. Most people immediately conjure up a picture of people having fun (e.g. laughing, playing games, drinking at a party). Few people imagine a couple raising children, a couple married thirty years, someone reading a great book, or people doing any of the other things that really do bring happiness.”

“… fun is temporary, happiness is ongoing. Or to put it another way, fun is during, happiness is during and after.”

Gratitude
“… there is a ‘secret to happiness’ – and it is gratitude. All happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy. Become grateful and you will become a much happier person.”

“… instead of allowing the enormity of the world’s sufferings to make me unhappy, I have allowed it to increase the depth of my gratitude for the blessed life that I have been allowed to lead. You can look at the amount of suffering in the world and become bitter (this world stinks), cynical (nothing matters, it’s all just a roulette game), or hedonistic (with all this suffering, I’ll rack up all the fun I can) – or you can be grateful for your blessings.”

“One cannot be a good person without gratitude, and one cannot be a happy person without gratitude. This provides a vital link between goodness and happiness.”

Happiness and Circumstances
“We determine how much we will allow something to make us unhappy. That we can determine our emotional response to events is hard for many people to acknowledge. Most people think that events make them unhappy, that their happiness level is essentially dictated by what happens to them. But this is untrue.”

“In all my studies of happiness, one of the most significant conclusions I have drawn is that there is little correlation between the circumstances of people’s lives and how happy they are. A moment’s reflection should make this obvious to anyone. We know people who have a relatively easy life and who are essentially unhappy, and we know people who have suffered a great deal but maintained a relatively high level of happiness.”

Hard Work is Needed
“Everything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work. Happiness is not an exception.”

“I have not written this book in the belief that everyone can be equally happy. Some people will always be happier than others, just as some people will always play the piano better than others. But just as nearly all of us, with good teaching and self-discipline, could play the piano much better than we do now, nearly all of us, with good teaching and self-discipline, could be happier than we are now.”

“Is It Meaningful?”
“To be a good person, it is always necessary to ask before doing something, ‘Is it right?’ To be physically fit, it is necessary to ask before eating something, ‘Is it healthful?’ To be a happy person, it is necessary to ask before acting, ‘Is it meaningful?’ The problem, of course, is that the good action, the healthful food, and the meaningful behavior are rarely the most enticing of our choices – which only proves, once again, that the greatest battle for happiness is with our own nature.”

Losing a Spouse
“Only marriage combines all three forms of companionship - spouse is family, best friend, and permanent companion. This is why it is widely held that while the death of a child is the most painful loss, the death of a spouse is the most disorienting one.”

Maturity is Lacking
“The problem in our time is that maturity is not high on the list of goals we offer the next generation. We stress happiness, success, and intelligence but not maturity. And that is too bad, both for society, which suffers when too many of its members are immature, and for the individual who wants to be happy. For happiness is not available to the immature. And one of the prominent characteristics of immaturity is seeing oneself primarily as a victim.”

Missing Tile Syndrome
“The Missing Tile syndrome is ubiquitous. If you are overweight, all you see are flat stomachs and perfect physical specimens. If you have pimples, all you see is flawless skin. Women who have difficulty getting pregnant walk around seeing only pregnant women and babies. Nor do you need to be overweight, have pimples, be balding, or want a child to believe that you have a missing tile. You can allow any real—or merely perceived—flaw to diminish your happiness.”

Moderation
“… happiness is attained through moderation.
Many people associate being moderate with being boring, and sometimes it surely is. But for the great majority of people, moderation is essential to happiness, and moderation includes passion, excitement, and fun. Indeed a life without passion, excitement, and fun is not a moderate one; it is an ascetic one.
Every great philosophy, religious and secular, Eastern and Western, has stressed that a happy and good life must emphasize moderation in all things.”

A Moral Obligation
“We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting unreal, and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness.”

Pain
“Everything that leads to happiness involves pain.”

“… Many people avoid some of the very things that would bring them the deepest happiness such as marriage, children, intellectually challenging pursuits, religious commitment, and volunteer work. They fear the pain that inevitably accompanies such things and therefore devote more time to ‘fun’ things that bring little happiness, such as watching television.”

“As the Psalmist put it millennia ago, ‘Those who sow in tears will reap in joy.’ Many people, however, believe that they can both sow and reap without tears.”

Philosophy of Life
“Without a philosophy of life, we do not know how to react to what life deals us. Our happiness bounces up and down, determined by the day’s events and the immediate emotions they elicit rather than by sober reflection. Without being able to place events into perspective—which comes from having a philosophy of life—we are at the mercy of events. Our ship has no destination and no compass.”

Raising Children
“It is easier to perform surgery than to raise happy, healthy, good children – and surgeons are given years of specialized training, while most of us have to raise human beings from babyhood to adulthood with nothing but our own parents’ often very faulty model to guide us.”

Self-Control
“… when people think or write about happiness, self-control is rarely stressed. … Yet happiness is impossible without self-control. In fact, everything we want is impossible without self-control. Ask anyone who has achieved what you particularly desire to achieve, and you will find a profoundly self-disciplined individual.”

“If you want financial success, you need the self-control to waste little time on fun things that don’t contribute to your personal and professional development. If you want happy and healthy children, you need the self-control to spend a great deal of time with them (thus depriving yourself of time to do what you want to do for yourself). If you want to be physically fit, you need the self-control to eat less fattening, less delicious foods and to exercise regularly.”

“The only way to get what you ultimately want is to deny yourself short-term pleasures that interfere with your goal.”

Social Movements
“… when unhappy people try to help others by founding or joining social movements, they often do more harm than good. There are good reasons to fear social movements made up of unhappy people who want to bring about social change. Those left-wing and right-wing social movements that have destroyed tens of millions of lives were not composed of happy people. They were composed of unhappy people who blamed their unhappiness on others (for Nazis, Jews; for Communists, capitalists) and who looked to movements of radical social change as a source of both happiness and meaning. While there are times when the social order is so oppressive (living under a totalitarian regime is the best example) that personal happiness is essentially impossible, in relatively free societies the sources of one’s unhappiness are far more likely to be personal than social.”

Trust
“I have a simple rule that is of great value in identifying whom to trust: Do not choose friends on the basis of personality, ‘chemistry,’ or enjoyment alone. Know their character (i.e. their values and whether they act on those values) before you trust them.”

Victimhood
“… you cannot be happy if your primary identity is that of a victim, even if you really are one. There are a number of reasons: People who regard themselves as victims do not see themselves as in control of their lives. Whatever happens in their lives happens to them, not by them. People who primarily regard themselves as victims see the world as unfair to them in particular. Just as the young student who always sees himself as ‘being picked on’ is an unhappy soul, so is the person who carries that attitude into adulthood. People who regard themselves primarily as victims are angry people, and an angry disposition renders happiness impossible. People who have chosen to regard themselves as victims cannot allow themselves to enjoy life, because enjoying life would challenge their perception of themselves as victims.”

Waiting for Happiness
“… given my view that tragedy is normal, I try to be happy unless something happens that makes me unhappy, rather than unhappy unless something makes me happy. Most people go through life waiting for something wonderful to happen to make them happy. My attitude is so long as nothing terrible is happening to us, we ought to be happy.”

[Regina Doman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that can change you forever. For me, it reaffirmed, from a secular perspective, what I had been taught in a religious context and gave it the added social dimension that universalized the principal. Basically, to use Prager's own words, "Happiness is a moral obligation: happy people make the world a better place. The world is made worse by the unhappy." Challenging words? Yes. But if more and more people heeded them, especially women, this world would be a better place.

[Callie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have listened to Dennis Prager on and off through the years, and I always appreciate his perspective on human nature, so I was curious to read this book. I was not disappointed! Prager talks about many common barriers to happiness, and what we can do to combat those in order to be as happy as we can be despite our circumstances. Great insight on happiness and human nature.

That said, I do not agree with Prager on everything. I found myself disagreeing with Chapter 27, where Prager argues for allowing expression of your lower urges - for example he argues that though looking at por.nography is unholy, it is not immoral, and I disagree with that. I understand that he is trying to distinguish between the unholy and the immoral, but I don't agree with all his categorizations, or what he says to do with our lower thoughts and urges. He argues that acting on lower thoughts in moderation can just be considered "vices", not necessarily sins - which may be true for some issues (such as over-spending, perhaps) but not for all (I think looking at por.nography is always wrong because of what Jesus says in Matthew 5:28).
Prager also argues on page 148 that human nature is neither good nor evil - but I do believe that human nature is basically sinful. That is our tendency, and that is why none of us is without sin (Romans 3:23).

Beyond those disagreements though, I thoroughly enjoyed this book and thought there was a lot of wisdom in it! If you want to understand human nature better and overcome some common obstacles to happiness, this is the book for you. I definitely recommend it, just read with an eye of discernment as well.

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second time reading this. I relistened to this on audiobook. I still appreciate this book a lot. I will be forever thankful for it because it got me out of a bad spot of depression and self-pity many years back. Growing up in a culture of finding yourself and western society emphasizing self-esteem was the way to get to happiness, reading this book was shocking and reassuring. To get a clear grander view of community and the importance of how I present myself as happy was really inspiring and I love his point still about if we are Christians {insert any religion} and we don’t act and look happy, what is going to attract anyone to this way?! A lot of it is counter-cultural but God’s way is anyway. Having read it first single and now as a wife with children I see the importance of helping my children know this as good citizens in the world. I was also glad to see that much of what was said I have applied in some way and they are now a part of my daily life. It was a good reminder. The only problem I had was that Dennis did not narrate it himself, so the reader was just all wrong to me.

[Jini · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really think this should be required reading for everyone. It's very illuminating and thought provoking. I've always thought of myself as a pretty happy person before reading this, but I've been working on a few things in this book I recognized that I do like the Broken Tile Syndrome. Caught myself doing that more than once.

[Cinnamon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some people criticize this book because they feel like it says be happy with what you have and don't try to change it. But I got so much more out of it. Setting aside expectations can be a key to happiness. I thought it was a great message for a world full of people with entitlement issues.

[Josette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some great nuggets of truth, presented in a clear, logical format. I didn't agree with 100% of what Prager says (esp. towards the end), but really appreciated a number of the chapters (which are extremely brief), particularly the ones on Images and Expectations. Highly recommend!

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sure, the ideas in this book aren't new, and they may be expressed more eloquently or in more detail in philosophical texts and other teachings, but this book brings all these concepts together in a very approachable way. I really liked that. When someone is struggling and looking for tips and reminders on how to stay positive and grateful in difficult times, they don't have the energy to pour through deeply philosophical essays, they want something they can pick up that quickly and simply reminds them how to stay on track. I think this book succeeds in doing that. It was like a cliff notes and anecdotal version of many great things I've read by philosophers and spiritual teachers compiled into one book.

[Anne Lucas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know Dennis Prager to be a sage man and have read some of his other books, but I missed this one. What an omission! I work in senior services. Some people as they age are almost desperate to find "happiness"; I have tried to reframe their understanding so they can appreciate the word "contented." What I needed was Prager's explanation, given in his steady voice, that our expectations are the key to our emotions. This book is a gem - for my clients and for me.

[GK · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful, insightful, and practical read! Dennis Prager presents thought provoking, well-developed, and researched ideas about what happiness is and how to achieve it. Though it was published over two decades ago, the amount of usable knowledge and simple truths is astoundingly relevant today. Highly recommend!

[Cathimiller · Rating 5 out of 5]

everyone in the world should read this book

[Prisca Bejjani]

I only read this upon a strong recommendation, as I have a previous dislike of Prager. My dislike was deepened into intense loathing. Only finished it to say I've read it and to write this to warn people of his complete inanity. Sorry if I don't have exact quotes or page numbers for everything.
Also, I only started taking notes halfway through. I would burn this if we had a fireplace.
I am boggled that so many Christians even give him a second thought and accept his advice/philosophy. You can do better. Seriously, this is the 21st century. You have options. Relegate him to the dustbins of Babel, where he belongs.

Areas no one should listen to him about:
Sex
1. He supports, and argues for, lusting for other women when married. Obviously gets it from his dad, who said, "The day I stop looking [lustfully], bury me." Or now? Now is good.
2.He is (and expects all other men to be) incapable of sexual self-control if they're not married.(p.132)

Parenting
1. He lists reasons not to have (or to have) children as a price to pay. (p.133-4) Absolutely no discussion of Biblical reasoning for parenting or anything like that. Not that I expected much from him, but for how much conservatives idolize him, this was disturbing.
2.Also made multiple derogatory remarks about teens.


Theology
1. He says it's impossible to determine whether the universe is based on order or chaos.(p.105)
2. He says there is probably no sure path to wisdom.(p.110) see Prov. 1:7
3. Says you can't prove resurrection. See 1 Cor. 15
4. Has seriously flawed theodicy. See Job
5. Says men are made in the image of God and animals.(p.143)

Related to above, ignore anything he says on grammar as well. He says that the "us" in "let us make" refers to God and animals. So that would mean that animals made man too. How did he have enough hubris that he thought he could write a commentary on Genesis? (he did.)

Ethics
1. He has the most bizarre definition of immoral and unholy I have ever read.
2. He draws a weird distinction between evil thoughts and actions.
3. He actively encourages the viewing of "sexually explicit material" which can be done "innocuously". Repeated in his statement that men can and should watch pornography (p.142), with the ahem-ahem 'caveats' of:
-don't do it if it "detracts from" love of your wife
-don't do it if you have "reason to believe" the people were forced into it

So disgustingly disingenuous, for the obvious reasons below, that I would be surprised only to find out that he himself doesn't watch it, rather than he does:
-plenty of guys would say it helps their bedroom time to watch porn, and even encourage their wives to watch with them
-"reason" to believe-- oh please! Even when guys are confronted with actual evidence of coercion, fraud, manipulation and even rape, they ignore it. Because they want to watch it.
Reason doesn't change sinful tendencies.


According to him, people should indulge in "dark" thoughts, so here's hoping all his books turn to dust and blow away in the wind.

[Christian Barry · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not particularly interested in the subject of happiness, but Prager writes a compelling argument as to why we should at least consider our happiness in light of others’ well being. Be happy for selfless reasons. With that in mind, each chapter is a primer into a deeper subject of which requires their own book & data. I like how he covers a lot at the surface level in order for the reader to get a wholesome picture of a healthy pursuit of happiness. He uses personal examples, frequently repeats that animals are not like humans (which I think is a needed reminder for today’s culture), diagnoses the problems of victim mentality and social movements all while relating to a secular audience with religious reasons and vice versa. I think this book articulates common sense/human truths that get smothered into irrelevance by today’s social media and popular culture. This was written in the 90s, it certainly has some refreshing perspectives for today. We should be valuing maturity & responsibility more than most other things. Not only is understanding & battling our inner nature key to becoming happier, but combating against modern secular attitudes and their faulty premises are vital in paving the way. I disagree with a few of his theological points, but it’s not enough to deter me from recommending this to someone remotely interested in the subject. I don’t think it’s all-encompassing, but for how short/quick of a read it is, it’s a good bang for your buck providing a wholesome perspective. It at least gets the reader a seat at the table of discussion for tackling the big questions regarding happiness. Society would benefit from reading Prager’s manual.

*Honorable mention: I appreciated his insights on anti-depressant drugs & psychotherapy vs religion. He likens it to a cast for a broken leg. It gave me a new perspective on why for some, these are critical in helping combat unhappiness, but they’re not happiness substitutes.

[Ruben Buijs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kort boek dat veel handvatten biedt als je over geluk en al haar componenten nadenkt. Niet alleen theorie en filosofie, maar ook 'common sense' tips om een gelukkig leven te leiden. Wellicht meer gericht op adolescenten, maar er staat iets in voor iedereen.

[Nathan Albright · Rating 5 out of 5]

It has been a while since I last read a book by Dennis Prager [1], but I will be reading a few more in the near future so I figured that this book from the library would be a good start.  And in general I find myself largely in agreement with the author that happiness is a serious problem and that it must be dealt with seriously [2].  This is not to say that I agree with everything the author says on the subject of happiness, for that is not the case.  There is a lot that I agree with, though, and this book is certainly a worthwhile one, there are some occasions where the author's works-based theology hinders him from an accurate understanding of the world.  And while there are occasions where the author does contradict himself, he does in general view happiness as something that is an individual responsibility and a moral imperative and he deals with aspects of happiness that are in the control of the reader as well as those aspects that depend on others and may hence be unreliable.

The book is less than 200 pages and is organized into three parts.  The first part looks t the premises of happiness (I), namely that it is a moral obligation (1), that it takes work (2), that the mind is central in happiness (3), that there is no good definition of happiness (4), and that life is tragic (5).   These are all premises I happen to believe.  After this the author looks at major obstacles to happiness and (briefly) how to deal with them (II), like human nature (6), comparing ourselves with others (7), images (8), missing tile syndrome (9), equating happiness with success (10), equating happiness with fun (11), fear and the avoidance of pain (12), expectations (13), family (14), the suffering that is in the world (15), seeking unconditional love (16), seeing yourself as a victim (17), the opposite sex (18), and genes and biochemistry (19).  The third part of the book then deals with attitudes and behaviors that the author considers essential to happiness, namely finding meaning and purpose (20), viewing happiness as a by-product of doing something else (21), cultivating a robust philosophy of life (22), finding the positive (23), accepting tension (24), knowing and accepting the price of everything in life (25), accepting the lower parts of one's nature (26), allowing innocuous expression of one's lower parts (27), seeking to do good (28), developing self-control (29), finding and making friends (30), and using psychotherapy and religion (31), after which the author has an epilogue enjoining passionate moderation.

Overall, the author strikes me as someone who is fairly grimly realistic and also someone who has a basic acceptance of aspects of contemporary life that I would not be as generous towards, especially psychotherapy.  Nevertheless, even where the author is encouraging readers to have a positive view of therapy, he is candid enough to admit that most therapists are not very good, which has certainly been my own personal experience in the matter.  Overall he is a firm believer of people taking responsibility for their own happiness and this approach is of the same tenor as the author's generally conservative approach to other aspects of existence too.  To be sure, there is an admission that the world is a place that is full of evil and sadness but also a resolution that the best way to make the best of existence is to do what we can with what we have and not to whine about what an unfair hand nature has dealt us.  That this approach is strongly against the general zeitgeist is something to be commended and appreciated as well.  This is a little book but it is definitely important reading for anyone who finds themselves wanting to be happy and seeing happiness as a by-product of virtue and wisdom.

[1] See, for example:

https://www.ucg.org/world-news-and-pr...

[2] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2013...

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2018...

[Emily Grass · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some good nuggets of wisdom but I found that it was over reliant on religion as a source of happiness for everyone. I understand that Dennis Prager is religious himself, and thus, cannot understand how someone that does not follow one manages to have meaning in their life, his conclusion that they can not be truly happy and fulfilled does not seem correct to me. To see purpose in the universe will surface for some, or they may be able to fill it as they are with the missing tile analogy.
I did like parts of this book, for instance it is very simply and clearly written. I liked the chapter, Happiness is a Byproduct, and thought that it was the best part of the book. One should not strive for happiness alone but one should cultivate a good life.
I also disagreed with Prager on some of the differences that he believes exist between ALL men and women, finding it too narrow and old fashioned of a view. He asserts that the sexes are almost different species and assumes that it is a biological difference that is unchanging but to study history, would be to disprove this theory. Though I agree that some difference exist in general, there is no way to say that ones gender distinction determines completely what is insatiable to a person in a romantic relationship. I believe that this was oversimplified and based on old assumptions. Also, in a world where men and women increasingly work together, why should they not have more in common than in the past. Further, he suggests making friends only with the same values as yourself but then how are we to come to new ideas and grow, as he also suggests.
Though I have many criticisms for this book, I am glad that I took the time to read it. It was an easy read, only a couple of hours, and it did make me think about the issues he addressed. He says that it is a moral obligation for us to be as happy as possible for everyone in our live's sake, and I thought that was an interesting concept. The mind and perspective are the biggest players in the happiness game. Our images or expectations can and often do limit our contentment with what we have. Gratitude is a great tool for happiness, etc. I would recommend reading it but being cautious in assuming his perspectives are true. Think critically and take what is helpful while leaving the rest.

[Goose · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Loved this book. I would highly recommend it to anyone. There was way too many great quotes to share them all but here were some that stood out to me.

“Happiness is a moral obligation.”

“We owe it to our husband or wife, our fellow workers, our children, our friends, indeed to everyone who comes into our lives, to be as happy as we can be. This does not mean acting unreal, and it certainly does not mean refraining from honest and intimate expressions of our feelings to those closest to us. But it does mean that we owe it to others to work on our happiness. We do not enjoy being around others who are usually unhappy. Those who enter our lives feel the same way. Ask a child what it was like to grow up with an unhappy parent, or ask parents what pain they suffer if they have an unhappy child (of any age). There is a second reason why happiness is a moral obligation. In general, people act more decently when they are happy.”

“Everything worthwhile in life is attained through hard work. Happiness is not an exception.”

“Happiness is a battle to be waged not a feeling to be awaited.”

“Yes, there is a “secret to happiness”—and it is gratitude. All happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy. Become grateful and you will become a much happier person.”

“Only marriage combines all three forms of companionship - spouse is family, best friend, and permanent companion. This is why it is widely held that while the death of a child is the most painful loss, the death of a spouse is the most disorienting one.”

“One day, however, the thought occurred to me that being unhappy was easy—in fact, the easy way out—and that it took no courage, effort, or greatness to be unhappy. Anyone could be unhappy.”

“You cannot be happy if your primary identity is that of a victim, even if you really are one.”

“That siblings can be, or can become, the closest of friends is certainly true, but it is far from being a given or even common. We fool ourselves when we say of close friends, “They are as close as brothers,” because few brothers are as close as close friends. It would be far more accurate to say of close brothers, “They are as close as friends.”

[Ryan Scheidt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before this, I was blown away by Prager's "Still The Best Hope: Why the World Needs American Values to Triumph", which I attribute as having a major influence on changing the way I view things at large and almost making me do a 180 degree turn from politically liberal to conservative.

At any rate, this book was also very good, though not "excellent" - it is indeed more of a collection of short essays, which sometimes leave the reader with a lot of questions or desire for more depth. The ideas contained herein were at times rather poignant and insightful.

There were some concepts/theories with which I was not familiar - like the "Missing Tiles" syndrome, which I found interesting and provocative. I liked the insistence of cultivating a philosophy of life and having a framework in place that will help buffer against the trials and tribulations of life - in particular, grief.

Prager argues pretty persuasively that it is our nature, not our circumstances, that are the biggest driver of happiness, and that principally, it is gratitude that leads to one feeling content and happy. He also makes an important distinction between what is pleasurable and "fun" and what will lead to long-term happiness (the whole argument about delayed gratification).

To conclude, I'll leave with the two quotations I liked the most from this book:

"Without a philosophy of life, we do not know how to react to what life deals us. Our happiness bounces up and down, determined by the day's events and the immediate emotions they elicit rather than by sober reflection."

"Freedom is being able to do what will bring you happiness - and that takes constant self-control."

[Nishit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dennis Prager is a big time conservative and I was introduced to him in one of his debates against the mighty Hitch. He seemed fair but still used the same old arguments that religious people use against secularists. After which, I came to know more about him in his podcast where he nails it everytime.

In one of his recent podcast episode titled The Question Adults Should Ask, he gave me one of my favourite quotable.
"Never ever ever take liberty for granted. Liberty is not the human instinct. Liberty is a value, not a yearning. People yearn to be led. People yearn to be taken care of. They do not yearn to be free."

During this episode, he regularly cited this book of his, Happiness Is A Serious Problem, and it was then that I decided to give it a shot.
Prager starts this book on an important note, on how we should view happiness not just as something of a personal concern but as a moral obligation. You're morally obliged to be happy. You owe your happiness to everyone you're close to/with. Bang on. Then he talks at length about the major obstacles to happiness and concludes by talking about attitudes that are necessary for happiness.

There are some chapters in this book where he goes completely overboard, like when he states that secularists don't have the capacity for gratitude as much as religious people do and hence, religious people tend to be more happy than secular atheists/agnostics (this is just one example). This is stupid and simply incorrect on so many levels, that it comes as a surprise that Prager would conform to this argument. But having said this, the book is quite reasonable, overall.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a most useful little manual, albeit not completely satisfying. It is a very brief overview of important elements to living a rich and fulfilling life - but without explanations or links to additional reading or exercises. But, just as it is helpful to have a 'cheat' sheet to bring together the important points of commonly used software, I anticipate keeping this book close for future reference and will probably annotate it with citations of other works related to the topics discussed.

A couple of particularly pithy comments include the following: desire has no memory, only the mind does. (Something to remember when a temptation presents itself.) '... great character is defined by our struggle with the worst parts of our nature rather than by not having them.' 'by being grateful in order to be happy, one becomes better because gratitude makes you better'. 'freedom is being able to do what you want to bring you happiness - and that takes constant self control'. None of these are developed beyond a paragraph or a page, but they are just the snippet needed to hold in mind for future reflection and contemplation.

Several pages on friendship distill several important aspects - basically that one should choose ones friends as carefully as partners - and as seriously. Know their values (and make sure that they are similar to your own), forgive them their flaws and don't burden them with guilt.

[Newmoon · Rating 5 out of 5]

[I started reading this book at my parent's house on vacation and haven't quite finished it. I didn't agree with the author on all points doctrinally speaking, but I still want to give it five stars for now, because it really pointed out some amazing insights on why we aren't happy sometimes. The more we can understand those concepts the happier we can learn to be on a consistent basis.]

UPDATE:
So- I finally borrowed a copy from the library and finished it. I think I want to own this book-it is a good reference book. I still feel the same about some of the religious issues- I differ with the author on some points. But I still think it was an amazing book and points out important principles about the pursuit of happiness. There are definitely some things I learned I want to apply to my own life. Unlike "Stumbling upon Happiness" which just focuses on the psychology of the brain and why we are or aren't happy, this book gives good ideas of how to be more happy. It's not a cheesy self-help book either. It's very thoughtful. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Dennis Prager, and have read all of his books. His is my favorite talk radio show; I podcast it every week, especially his Ultimate Issues Hour. Prager is a conservative Jew who writes, speaks, and thinks about religion, values, politics, current events, etc. I don't agree with his every position, but I always walk away knowing a bit more than I did at the beginning (I have the same experience when I watch Rachel Maddow). In this book, Mr. Prager discusses what happiness is, how you can be happy, barriers to happiness, and some reflections on the morality of happiness, i.e. you have an obligation to try and be happy for those around you. This is a pretty short book, and not as interesting to me as some of his other writings, but worth a read. I found myself nodding along in agreement with most of what he wrote, even as I recognized that much of the information wasn't new to me (I read a lot about religion and have a degree in Psychology). Over all, good stuff.

[Laura Leaney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've always enjoyed Dennis Prager's commentary on the radio and his syndicated columns, at least when they used to be included in the LA Times. He's a clear and logical thinker, cutting right to the ethical truth of certain ills besetting our society. The first half of this book was enjoyable for me, and Prager's views on what causes unhappiness and what makes us happy is a nice reminder that our own mindset is what prevents our joy - not our circumstances. Definitely reminiscent of the teachings of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and some of the tenets of Buddhism.

The last half of the book is a little creepy. Prager's belief that ALL men have an insatiable lust for sexual variety and that ALL women have an insatiable need for emotional intimacy made me cringe. It's just too unsubtle for me. Then his espousal of religion as one of the pillars of happiness did me in. I had other issues as well (including his emphasis on marriage and having children), but this will do for now.

[Nicole Hersh · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband recommended this to me because I've been having some mental health issues. (full disclosure: my husband has become a conservative in the past year, and I would have never considered reading anything by Dennis Prager a year ago, but I see, through my husband, that he's not as crazy right wing as I thought.)
I enjoyed this book and it gave me some good advice to help get me back on the right track (though Prozac and therapy are also helping). After my husband read it, he was acting so much nicer, had a bigger, more common smile, and has been a more active parent. It didn't have that big of a effect on me, but I enjoyed discussing it with my husband as I went along. There is some practical advice, and things you would never think about that are probably preventing you from being happy. It's not political or very religious (but he does make a case for religiosity leading to easier happiness).

[Alanna Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, so it's pretty embarrassing that I just finally finished reading this book, since it was the book I CHOSE for our book club back in September. In my defense, I loaned it out, then lost it, and just finally found it again (packed away with my summer clothes, of all places; don't ask why I was burrowing in that particular bin in the first place, because I have no idea now..).

But I do really like this book. And I'm glad I took my time reading it, because I think it's better taken in gradually, so you can internalize all the great points that Prager makes. I was a little surprised at the end, because there were a couple ideas I actually disagreed with; up to that point I had agreed wholeheartedly with everything. But despite those last two chapters, I still recommend this book to anyone who has ever wondered why they aren't deliriously happy all the time.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting little book in which author and radio personality Dennis Prager gives his take on why we have a duty to be as happy as we can be in life and what human beings can do to be happier. Personally, I like how Dennis Prager explains his viewpoint and presents an argument, so I enjoyed this book and found that it makes a lot of sense. Dennis Prager is not a psychologist or mental health professional, but he does make a solid case for happiness and how most people in our society can achieve it. Worth reading for its simple, common sense view of the world.

Update: I don't usually reread books, but this book was good enough that I listened to the audiobook four years after reading it the first time. I will say that it was just as good the second time around and presented sound, down-to-earth, common sense life wisdom and advice.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is no firmly entrenched in the top tier of favorite book. Amazing insights into how to be happy and why it is morally imperative to be happy. Major points are: images and how perfection often times make us less happy, because we live in an imperfect world; gratitude; realistic expectations; prioritizing life and the realization of personal costs.

While it is quite profound, it is also quite accessible. Chapters are bite size and quick to read. This book will be gifts to many of my friends, because Happiness is definitely a serious problem and must be addressed in this Post-Modern world.