Steffan Piper's Blog, page 2

The Good:

I first started listening to Art Bell around 1994. I was still living in Eagle River and Anchorage, Alaska and I was either working night shifts for an outfit called Carr's Grocery Store or working in Security at the Anchorage Power Company, or both. When you spend years working nights and it becomes the norm, you start looking for something to pass the time with in the darker hours of the day. Art Bell on AM Radio was that person for a lot of other nightowls like myself. For any person that has ever done time working nights, it's very likely they tuned into Art Bell. If this is your life now, you're likely familiar with his toners-almost-dry facsimiled successor, George Noory, who isn't really THAT interesting. I worked almost non-stop nights between seventeen and thirty-three, and for several years I thought that would be my entire life. Thankfully, it wasn't.Art Bell spoke a lot about what was called “Alternative Information Sets” in those days and what was really shocking about a lot of his show was that he very often pre-empted the Mainstream News with breaking stories by two or three days and sometimes even a few months. He would talk about disasters and even spoke about 9-11, before it happened. Yes, he talked a lot about UFO's, but he was living out in Pahrump, Nevada right next door to the infamous Government Black Site Area 51. That fact alone "Coming from the High Desert" gave him just enough credibility to be really interesting, at least for three hours in the middle of the night.

If you listened to his show, when things occurred, you very often had an understanding or an education about it because he wasn't always bringing on kooks and weirdos like his replacement George Noory who likely killed the format for most rational people. George Noory was probably the guy who made working nightshift for a lot of people unbearable, lol. For many years, Art Bell put out a quality show and it's a rare gem to find a show willing to tackle a broad range of topics and present you with a three hour 'deep dive' into whatever that subject was. From Nuclear Science, to Cosmology, Motion Picture History, Air Force Generals discussing weather research to ... yes, UFO's, Aliens, Alien Abductions (which has all but faded away apparently) to basic things like unbiased news coverage, Historical Presidential Politics, music and so on.I have a few harddrives in one of my bottom drawers which were used as online servers that I ran over MIRC for several years. MIRC was once the very beginning of the Internet, as some might remember. On those drives, I probably have five or six years of show archives that had been shared to the drive as well as most of his “greatest shows.” He was interviewing people like Terrance McKenna long before he was mainstream, Michio Kaku when he had first started publishing and even Stephen King. Art Bell's shows are honestly compelling to listen to. Their like live-moving books-on-tape.Art Bell was also the beginning format for people like Alex Jones, except Bell wasn't making millions selling lies and bogus supplements to a fully duped audience. He was often pitching his own books, mostly 'The Quickening' as well as materials from MUFON and survival gear like battery-less wind up radios, wind-up flashlights, camping radios and the like. During his time, his show was very thoughtful and very thought provoking.

The Bad:
For me, however, things took a dark turn and I lost interest after the death of his third wife Ramona. Art talked often about her asthma, her constant need for medicine, inhalers, breathing treatments, their many cats and so on.Long story short, he comes on one night and tells the story about how 'the night before' his wife Ramona had passed away in the most unconvincing and awkward three hours of his entire career. It sounded to me like he was fully trying to broadcast an alibi.“Ramona needed constant breathing treatments and inhalers and we decided to go for a long drive out into the middle of the desert to watch the night sky. We had taken our cats along for the ride, something we usually don't do and which she complained about, but I didn't see no harm in. Later in the night she began having difficulties breathing and it was only then I remembered that I had forgotten to grab her large bag that had the nebulizer, her inhalers and pills in. Everything got left behind. It was an honest mistake. She was wheezing horribly and starting to suffocate, so in a panic I ran outside of the RV to see if there was anyone near us at all, when the door to the RV closed behind me and jammed shut. I couldn't get back in and I was beating on the door trying to get it open. (Sobbing).”This was the paraphrased story he told on air about that – literally the night after it happened. That story alone should've found him face to face with the law, but that never occurred. No, everything went on as normal. I continued to listen on out of habit working nights … and then lo and behold … about a month later … he comes on and explains how “Once again, in this old man's life I have found love!”Fast forward. The girl was 22 years old and he had met her during a previous trip to the Philippines with his long-time wife Ramona. This girl was a family friend. Later he admits on air that he had long talks and a relationship with this girl while Ramona was still alive but that it was innocent and she was intelligent and so on and so forth. They're quickly married, she's in the US and you know the rest.

That was the moment I stopped listening for good as it was so cringe-inducing and sickening that I couldn't take part as a listener any longer.

The Ugly:
For better or for worse, and even as compelling as Art Bell was, he was the precursor to this Conspiracy Laden and fringe fictional Information Set which took over the country and invaded and usurped our once-functional government. Jones and his brand of stupidity isn't a singular thing as there are many copy-cats doing the same thing and happy to take his place, when and if he vacates. Art often spoke about Carl Sagan's quote: “The greatest threat to humanity isn't science, but psuedo-science,” which is what all that garbage is. He knew it, the listeners knew it, but before Ramona died, he was cognizant of it and maintained that line. Afterwards, yeah not at all. Sagan was correct and the low-information voter took over and AM talk radio became mainstream with the help of people like Alex Jones, Rush and Fox News.

Art Bell's “Coming to you from the High Desert ...[Insert: Lightning Strike Sound] [Queue Maxine Nightingale's song: Right Back Where We Started From]” will always be stuck in my head like an earworm and unforgettable. For better or for worse.

Adios, Pal.

One of the good things about book reviews is they have a very positive effect when you stumble across a really thoughtful one you hadn't seen posted yet.This lovely person wrote me a very touching response to reading my book Greyhound, that I felt compelled to respond with my thanks. I think this lifted my spirits as much as the book must've lifted hers.I sometimes wonder if other authors acknowledge these reviews and respond in kind, or if they just ignore them outright? I honestly don't know how that could be possible in this case.I get very few negative reviews the platforms that make it possible to review and I have never chastised anyone for a negative review. I've always been fine taking the good with the bad, because honestly the good far outweighs the bad.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...

Waiting for Andre ... should go live sometime today in all storefronts. Fingers crossed.Still a lot of work ahead with some marketing materials, ads and a few other loose ends. The eBook and Paperback should be live as soon as the system generates the pages. Audiobook will be live on May 12th. It's taking longer to do this than expected as I've "acted" out the reading, as much as I've done a basic reading. It should be enjoyable for folks who love Audiobooks / Audio Presentations.

Many thanks to my first customers who have been waiting patiently for this, emailing and chomping at the bit to read it.

After an incredibly long wait ... it's finally coming out next month. From 2005 till now, no one is happier than I am to see this hit print.

Here's the blurb:

A semi-fictional account of the friendship between Samuel Beckett (the Playwright) and Andre ‘The Giant’ Roussimoff (the Wrestler) when Andre was a young boy of twelve and Beckett had lived adjacent to the Roussimoff’s farm in Ussy Sur Marne, just outside of Paris.
In 1960, when Andre was twelve, the school had told his parents that Andre could not continue attending as he was too big to ride the small school bus they had for the village and it was too far to walk. Distraught, his mother Marian, had pleaded with their neighbor who owned a truck to take her boy to school to finish his education. The Roussimoff’s had helped their famous neighbor extensively through the years, from maintaining his residence in his absence to laying the foundation and building his cottage. Beckett’s reputation was one of an unpleasant, curmudgeonly and very private man who did not appreciate the fame that was bestowed on him. Thus, even though it was strange and out of character, Beckett said agreed and committed himself daily for almost an entire school year with this task while in his seclusion in Ussy, working on both his novel Comment c'est and his play Happy Days.
Andre, at twelve, was already just over six foot, weighed almost 240 lbs and continually maintained a positive and very jovial demeanor, contrasting his neighbor in almost every way. Of course, Andre would grow up to achieve a different kind of fame which also surrounded Beckett, but both men handled not only their fame but their families, with very different ends.

I woke up today with a different mindset regarding my previous two unreleased books, Sleep Like a Baby Tonight and Waiting for Andre. One, is the story of a Private Detective on the trail of a Serial Killer who hunts Pedophiles, and the other is the fictionalized true-life story of the friendship of Andre ‘The Giant’ Roussimoff as a boy and literary giant Samuel Beckett as an old man.

Last year, or last summer, was a rough go as my Publisher had rejected both books in their near complete stages after having expressed great interest in them during development. Their reason was simply marked down as a ‘change in direction with their publishing interests’ and a few other lovely tidbits, like staffing, etc.

I didn’t know where I’d go with them at first and I’d held off trying to get them picked up elsewhere until I was fully resolved about it and knew what to do. I had asked several of you for advice, and for that I’m thankful. Some of you even engaged in Beta Reading and gave me great feedback. Save for one person, everyone had great written feedback and took the task seriously and were pretty much in awe and loved the material and couldn’t understand why they’d pass up on it, especially in comparison to other titles they were currently marketing. Even the critical feedback was constructive. There’s always one person who just says “yeah, not for me,” and not much else, and as unhelpful as that is, it’s quite honest as a response, because readers react like that. When I Beta Read, I put on my Chef’s hat and not my reader’s cap, but to each their own.

Another person wisely informed me that I would make more money without them which was very hard for me to embrace as I’ve always made very good money with Amazon. For example, the month Amazon shrugged me off and quietly closed the door like I was an obnoxious Christmas Caroler, I sold 8000 books and made a pretty penny. As a writer, you always think about building relationships, so it was difficult to fully accept or process. Lately, they’ve ramped up to shovel money at me again, not much, but just enough to make it sting knowing that all their effort at marketing isn’t going to be open ended and help build your relationship with getting your readers more titles. It’s like a cul-de-sac of success.

In my sometimes-childish mind, I had hoped someone would come along and say: “Hey, Steffan! I read your posts about your books and I’m an Agent / Publisher / Editor and I would like to represent / publish you, please send me your stuff and I’ll read it.”

Well, that didn’t happen. At all. No one rang the phone or knocked on the door and it’s been 6 months. I was waiting for someone to walk in and save the day and show me the way. The world doesn’t work that way, no matter how many other people may have gotten lucky and been picked up in such ways.  No one said “Hey, here’s the number of so and so, or email this lady / fellow.” It’s okay in the long run, because many people have asked me for my help and everytime I tried to help someone, it never worked out. I think most writers eventually come to this truth, too. You have to forge into the darkness and find your own way through until you eventually find an opening. Trying to pull someone else through behind you, doesn’t often provide satisfactory results.

So, at least today, while I’m still mostly underwater and wading through the dark murkiness, I at least have a clue as to what direction I need to head instead of just standing out here in these eel infested waters near Florin and start scaling the Cliffs of Insanity no matter high they truly are. Yes, that’s a Princess Bride reference. Again. Will I be Self-Publishing? The quick answer is no. I have done that twice and I already know the outcome of that and where that particular adventure leads. While at first it may feel fulfilling, it ultimately isn’t. Self-Publishing for most is quite soul crushing and can push you out of writing altogether, but this is just my opinion based upon observations of tens upon tens of writers / authors who have gone this way. It also can end up costing you much more money than you’ll ever make depending on what you do. Back in 2002, it was a bit different and you were cutting edge in those days. But that was 15 years ago. The market is glutted with material now, you need to have help and you need people who believe in you.  So, in some ways, even the new digital market has become like the ‘Old World Publishing Model’ it was trying to make obsolete and more fair for others.

I also have a few friends who have started their own Publishing Imprints and some are more successful than others. I’m a huge lurker online and I typically hawk what these folks are doing / not doing and compare them against each other. It’s always fascinating to see how people approach business, and make no mistake – that’s what it is. It’s not a romance by any stretch of the imagination. And yes, it still comes down to a bit of luck, lots of hard work and a real understanding of Industry knowledge over outsider speculation. Some of them have been going for a few years and few have just started. One friend suggested I start my own Imprint and print all of my titles myself, which I’m capable of, but I’m still several years away from that venture as well. You need ‘market capital’ for that and I’ve been in neutral lately, so you can guess how much of that I have reserved.

Hitting ‘critical mass’ as a writer is the hardest thing you may ever do in this life and there is no magic button or secret recipe. It will either happen or it won’t. But in order to get as close as you can, you need help. I know what I need to do in order to move forward, doing so is more work than actual writing. Anyone who tells you different … yeah … you know the rest of that.

Also, I should get back to writing. I parked my ‘restless imagination’ in November when I started prepping for the Holidays and readying to leave for Thailand. I have a complete outline and numerous chapters already done for the sequel to Greyhound, which takes place in England. I have two different stand-alone screenplays, a TV show I’ve partnered with that’s close to being done, the follow-up outline to Sleep Like a Baby and three chapter of a WIP about a  post-Nuclear Disaster in Japan. So, there’s that. Yep.

A few questions answered:
A handful of you on here had asked me what was going on up in Chiang Rai at Wat Rong Khun, or what is popularly known as the 'White Temple.' I wanted to take a few moments and try to take a whack at some of the questions. Everyone was very surprised to see those pictures because it was an absolutely beautiful place to behold and it really played on those stereotypes in our minds about 'Heaven,' 'Nirvana' and the next life, especially being represented in all white. Dramatic is an understatement. Some of you had never seen that place before and trust me, I was as shocked when I saw it in photos just as some of you were. In person, it's staggering. No joke.For the record, I personally found all the Wats I've visited in Thailand so far equally beautiful, but it's no secret that Wat Rong Kuhn probably visually plays on the brain and the spirit as something quite different and something somehow more reverential.Some of this info is according to the Temple Information itself, our Guide, and some from Mini's family, but I think you'll get the gist of it. There are really no truths in how things come about, just in the fact that they do. That's really my first answer. I think the most honest answers would come from the artist himself. Just my five cents, or 5 satang, as they might say here in Thailand.So, accordingly, Chiang Rai was apparently off the beaten track for a lot of years with Western Tourists. Most people didn't go there. I'm sure people did go, but not in the numbers they do now. According to our driver up in Chiang Rai, it was a poorer rural area, dedicated to farming and other businesses and like many places where Westerners don't go (but Thai people probably go all the time), Chiang Rai was just one more place on the map.
Now, that's all changed. The Americans who flock to Chiang Mai looking for some kind of weird, dualistic experience where they go to Temple in the daytime, chant mantras, count beads and receive Monk blessings in the day, and then go out and party, drink beer and listen to Electronic Dance Music at night is interesting to say the least. I'm trying not to be sarcastic, but if it comes out that way, I know you won't hold it against me. But that's how youth is, isn't it? Youth. Enjoy it while you have it. They weren't kidding when they said it was wasted on the young. Now, the Americans and other idealists have Chiang Rai and the White Temple in their sights and they show up in droves.I'm not knocking what most Americans are doing right now, and yes, most of those tourists up in Chiang Rai who were looking for that 'dualistic experience' were young Americans. The Europeans were doing something similar, but different, as were the busloads of Chinese. Foodies, more than anything.I get it, but I also don't. It's not my journey. I cannot criticize that. I'm too old now to enjoy that level of youth, but I understand the nature of being in your twenties and being care-free and wild and traveling the world. Been there, done it, moved on. Now, I'd rather just sit down, have a cup of tea and watch the birds pop around calling out to each other.Wat Rong Kuhn was a temple that had been there for quite some time and had fallen into disrepair due to a lack of funds in the area. To my knowledge, most, if not all Wats are supported by community donations and the followers that come to temple. In Thailand, the men are all expected to attend temple at some point in their lives and live as a Monk. Even if it's for a single day, a month or a lifetime. Most do, but some never make it. Some have the funds and some don't. Yes, they shave their heads and eyebrows, preform tasks, pray and probably do everything you might think in your mind and more.

A Thai artist named Chalermchai Kositpipat who was from the Chiang Rai, a local boy done good, who had some fame and fortune from his paintings (see pictures below) decided to buy the Wat and rebuild it as a dedication to his journey through life and Buddhist faith. A lot of what you see is about ... (get ready for this) ... the wickedness of people who are consumed by greed and desire. I looked around for him wandering around as it's common knowledge that he's always there. Would've been nice to say "Sawasdee Crub!"Now, as you enter the area you have to cross a bridge and rise above greed and desire which is represented by reaching hands, empty bowls, twisted faces, you name it. Think about that -- you have to RISE above that in order to proceed, That's the point.When you get to the next, larger bridge you're confronted by two half-human / half-bird mythological beings called Kinaree. These guys apparently will judge you and stop you from continuing if you haven't followed some basics in your life. Being honest, not lusting after women, being kind to animals, being kind to others, etc.Then you follow on into the main building, the Ubosot. I didn't take any pictures of the murals inside the main building, but there were images and icons from popular culture, Neo from the Matrix, Michael Jackson, Hello Kitty, terrorist attacks and nuclear war.

Now, if you read about these things, you might know that in many cultures, the idea of the Guardians to the next world being birds is quite prevalent. From the tribes in Northern Alaska (Inupiat) to the Toltects and the Mayans, the Yaqui's from the Sonoran Desert, and all the way over to Egypt. As much as things change through time, things are the same. Even in Thailand, if you look up at the buildings, especially the buildings of State, you will see Garuda everywhere. Yes, he's a guardian to the next world. Yes, he has wings and yes, he's all over Thailand.

When you come to Thailand, I cannot stress this as much as I already have in these 1000 words, but you need to come to Chiang Rai and see Wat Rong Kuhn / The White Temple. Is it a religious experience? I can't answer that. Is it a spiritual experience? I cannot answer that either. Is it something for you to see to consider both of those things for the next life? Absolutely.
And as incredible as this place was, I think the Black House / Bandaam Gallery had an even stronger effect on me just because of my childhood. I'll post on that later.

Over the last week and several days, I’ve received a flood of responses from friends who were shell-shocked about the blog post I made regarding being receiving two pretty coldly delivered rejections from my long-time publisher, Amazon Publishing.
Granted, a lot of those people who are all either close friends, authors and even readers, all have a bias towards me which is expected, but that’s what happens when you have good functional relationships with people in the world and they either believe in you, or they believe in you to the extent that they know you’re tough enough to make it through and get to where you call home.

I have no doubt that given enough effort and time, I’ll get to the place I’m journeying to. In moments like this, authors, artists, creators often trip over themselves, become drunkards, depressives or they just give up on the game entirely, but I’m cut from a different cloth though. Life does that. Being Irish, I don’t drink much for all the reasons one might think. Tea is my weapon of choice. I believe in sleep, but just enough to make me feel like I’ve been meditating.

The one thing I do know is how to handle a problem. That seems to be my skill set. You have to attack these things like a teenager. You’re driven with an irrationality that won’t rest, or go away. You don’t know much of success, and you dont rest on any you've had. You’re assailed with doubt, but you fight because you know you have to. You’re not comfortable and you have no place else to go to. You know you better look good, so you still get up, shower and put on clothes.
My wife, whom wasn’t the first to be informed, was also surprised. However, she’s so inherently cynical she already knew the outcome and just gave me her usual cold, parental stare of ‘The tallest nail gets hit the hardest, Steffan’ That’s her upbringing. 'Don’t stand up in a seated crowd and don’t try to be so damn clever in life.' She knows the right lessons I need to hear. A solid voice of reason and clearly my better. She’s like my dad.
So sometime later, after a week of me just sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring blankly at the piano, she asked for me to explain myself. After I did, I gave her the history, taking time off to take care of my boy Fox, conversations with my previous editor Terry Goodman, the nature of publishing and the fear of blacklists, the hatred of Amazon Publishing by the other publishers, their desire to see them fail, and the law of diminishing returns when your back’s against the wall in that situation. Then finally, I explained my position on relationships in business, of which I cut my teeth on growing up with Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy, and many others. Those ideals made me a much stronger person and taught me about engaging in deals with people who have little interest in you. Typically, you don’t … and you shouldn’t.
So she asked me if I thought ‘Jeff’ was going to call me or send me an email and respond to my concerns because in my last correspondence, he said he’d get back to me.
“No,” I said. “He won’t.” That’s was what surprised her. Professionalism is her thing. She became a little emotional at this point and said I should email him back. For the record, this is not ‘that’ Jeff, but the other Jeff. He’s the next one down.

“No, Minbear. He’s not going to. I’m done. I’m out in the wilds on my own and I need to move on. That’s the game, lady. On a bed of nails, you know. With or without you.”
“Those two ladies, who rejected you, threw you under the bus. I read your emails. They set you up. I hope you know that,” she replied.
“Yeah, I know. They did me quite cold, but that’s none of my business.”

“I’d call you. Tell you no. Just to rub it in if I could, by the way.”

“Thanks, I love you. Yes. I know you’d get great joy crushing me. I’m okay with that.”

She gave me a very stern look, crossed her arms and laid it out. “I told you not to write that book. I told you to wise up,” she berated me.
I sighed one more time.

“So, what are you going to do now? Just sit around watching this dumb U2 in Sydney concert every day? How many times can you watch that thing?”

“Yeah … you’re probably right,” I admitted. I had to ignore the question about U2 in Sydney. I really love that concert.


When I signed with Amazon, I had another deal on the table with a major publisher, but I bet my fortunes with Amazon because they sold me on the idea of a relationship. Something I wasn’t hearing from the other publisher. That call started off with an apology. I knew it wasn’t good footing. So I went with Amazon Publishing, at the time called Amazon Encore.
Relationships are what you should always look for. Everywhere you go. If you stay focused on that, you’ll be successful. Obviously, you’ll have the bottom fall out at times, as we all do, but you’ll definitely recover much faster if you do. You’re always stronger with people who care about you. And for the past many years I was strong.
I felt pretty cut, because, as I was unable to articulate the first time around and hopefully it’s clear now, I had the belief that we had a good relationship. When you do have a relationship, things are different. This isn’t about cold calling or cold submittals. They give you solid reasons, and details as to why they can’t help you. They tell you what’s wrong with your approach. They may even say ‘Listen, bub, you’re slippin pretty hard on this stuff, but I know a guy / girl / bad-ass robot you can call who can help you. Don’t say I didn’t ever do you a solid.’
Understood? People look out for each other. My previous editor, Terry, gave me several lectures about Fugue State over the phone. I was a good listener, but I probably should’ve listened to him better.
Like I said obliquely before, people change, people quit and move on, new people come on board who don’t know you, nor care to. That does make a difference. Yes, it was like being given divorce paperwork after coming home from the honeymoon and stating “Hey, let’s change the furniture a bit. Oh, wait, what’s this then?”

“We’re filing for divorce, sunshine. We’re done, mate.”

“Hold the phone now.”
Everyone asked the same question, too. What were the reasons they gave you? Here they are:

Sleep Like a Baby Tonight: “Throwback male-driven fiction isn’t marketable.”Waiting for Andre: “We’re focusing on Book Club titles.”

Don’t be confused. That’s code for ‘We’re really not interested in you or your material. We’re not interested in having any exploratory discussion about it and we don’t recall who you are in fact or why this hit my desk.’
In my last post I stated I sold almost 10,000 books as reported on my last statement. I was afraid of giving out the real number in case of legal troubles with Amazon, so I gave a number what was far enough away as to not be accurate, but close enough to understand the point I was making.
That number was 7,688. Almost eight thousand books in one month. There. I said it. I’m giving you that number because the door closed and I’d sleep better being true to myself rather than carrying forward their pipe-dream of secrecy any further.




The point was to show some level of relevance. I can sell books. A book that is seven years old, too. I'm good when you lean on me. Everytime. Show me someone else who isn't an A-lister, selling 8K in books in a month on an old title. Show me. I'll wait. I got all day. (Big ideas, and I'm out of control, to quote an old mate of mine.)
But in all honesty, that’s pretty dismal for anyone who has a lot of aspirations or has a greater understanding of what real values mean. To them, it’s nothing. It’s not the annual picture either if they were ever forced to respond and that would be their answer. To other authors I know, it’s quite impressive. To my account, it pays a few of my utilities in summer. I usually try and buy one awesome thing like a guitar, or a keyboard or some cello strings. Something that lasts, because money won’t. Relationships last, but they end, too.


So what’s next, as Minbear, and everyone else asked?

I’ll keep writing. I have a vault of novels and screenplays I’ve written in the last five years. I have a Vampire / Unicorn novel I wrote specifically about U2. I have a TV show I’m going into L.A. to pitch. I have another book, which is the follow up to Greyhound, which is now going to be *next to fucking* impossible to publish with a different publisher. Why would they? They don’t make any cash off the other books. Why support their enemy? Yeah, that will always be a stumbling block for me. I was hoping to go back into a busy phase over the next decade with Amazon and Amazon Studios, but things change.

You have to attack these problems like a teenager. With energy, driven passion, music in the background, anger, tears, starvation and … belief in yourself … even if you have little idea as to who you really are or can be. You just keep fighting for what you want and don't look back. 

Royalties, Publishing, Rejection ... Oh my! ...

So, if you know me in my real life, even on the most remotest of levels, you'll know at least two, possibly three things about me.
1. I'm absolutely and almost naively upbeat and positive. Often to a fault. Pollyanna? No. But close. This is my default setting. I prefer to see the good in people and events rather than focusing on the negative aspects and I do work overtime to reject cynicism. Some folks I know take this and somehow equate it to be ignorance, or short-sightedness or whatever. But the longer you know me, you know this isn't even close to being true. I usually encounter this with newer friends.

2. I have a very hard time speaking ill of someone and it pains me greatly when I have to. I'm not big on gossip, but I think what some might not understand as 'Fact Finding' or 'Raw Intelligence Gathering,' isn't necessarily gossip. I'm a writer who deals heavily in behavior, internal drive, emotional discovery, and predictability. This is what I study for the sake of the story. If I'm asking you questions ... you can pretty much guess that I'm compiling data and hard at work. If I'm weaving a story for you, a complex one ... like this blog post ... same thing. I'm waiting for your reaction and studying that. That's what I do.
3. I will 'Dad' you if I have to. I have a parental streak in me that seems to grow up out of my own amount of life-experience, wisdom, hard-living, or whatever you wish to call it. I spent most of my youth around adults, not kids, so it shaped how I react forever. If I have to parent you, I will. If you do something that will require you to get a 'Stay in your lane' card or 'Do you think that's going to fly around me?' lecture ... yes, I won't hesitate. I have a good filter, but not in the way you might think.
I'm front loading this because often times people read my posts but don't have proper context on either me, or my background. Keep this in mind as you read along.


So, to the point ...


I was reeling pretty hard over the last week and a half after getting a pretty firm rejection from my publisher. It felt like a death blow of sorts because I had actually believed in them more than they had actually believed in me. They might not agree with that statement, but that's their pill they need to swallow, I've got the pink slips to prove it. The rejections made a 3 - 0 track record for me and it was for TWO books that I had spent a lot of time on and they both meant a lot to me. One I had spent twelve years on. The other five years. Yes, you read that correctly. With both books, I put them through their paces with my early readers, but I'll come back to that.

When you work alone, and what you produce comes from inside of you, the rejection of that material wholesale has the potential to destroy you. This goes beyond the realm of  'having thick skin' or being able to withstand rejections and negative reviews. I've done that, and done it well. This is a little different because this is a rejection from an established and well-grounded relationship. This is like receiving divorce papers at the end of a honeymoon. This is what I have to offer here that is potentially different.

Both of the books I recently submitted were not perfect, nor do I have the arrogance to think I can get them to perfection on my own without some level of professional questioning. I think a lot of writer's make this mistake and they end up spending years toiling over the wrong details in vain, only to get to the same point. They get rejected because they failed to tell a convincing or original story. Also, they get rejected more often because they failed to tell an interesting story. Imagine that. 

Yes, you should be sending in polished manuscripts that are a positive reflection of who you are as a writer and a storyteller. They need to be strong and stand out from the pack. If you're sending in unedited trash to your publisher and you're getting rejected, that's on you. Don't take what I say out of context, please. Keep it ballpark.

When I sent in Greyhound , I thought it was perfect. They loved it, accepted it, wrote me an awesome contract and sent it to their editors. Then they sent it back. I had approximately 11,000 suggestions in my track changes. Fugue State was well above 23,000 changes. Consider that, if you will. Perfection with a manuscript is an illusion. You're entitled to be taken in by it, but my experience leads me to choose otherwise now. There is a reason they hire Editors, just don't take them for fools.

Both new manuscripts though, I felt were groundbreaking in their own way, worthy of being on a Bestseller list and absolutely the kind of books that wouldn't be able to avoid lots of press. No one has written about, at all, what those two books contain. My early readers were floored and several left gobsmacked. I wrote those books with all those things in mind and knowing that they would grow to be attention whores as intellectual material in their own right. As a writer, we normally call this: "Oh my God! I've just thought of the greatest idea EVER!" We all do this in this craft and it's what keeps us going. Inspiration and distinct moments of epiphany.


Trend and Taste.
Now, having read as much as the next person, I've picked up my fair share of books that I couldn't finish or had wondered how they came about to see print, or even how they received the acclaim lauded on them. But this happens. Taste is everything. Ira Glass over on NPR talks a lot about this. Check him out if you haven't heard it yet. Taste shapes a lot of what the media puts before us.

The other big driver is Trend. Trend gives us most of what we read, whether we like it or not, read it or not, or have any interest in it at all. It explains why some genres take over and are ubiquitous for a handful of years and then vanish, later only to be replaced by the next thing which is equally curious. From Vampire Romance and Prison Breaks to Wizarding Schools, the Southern female family drama, and fried-green-whatevers. I think readers are used to seeing this sort of thing take over best-seller top ten lists as much as we get used to over-the-top blockbuster summer movies all looking workshopped through the brain of Michael Bay. Got it. Oh, another court-room thriller involving the church? Immediate best seller. Got it.

My goals now, late in my life, and in the writing game, have changed. Before, I just wanted to write and tell my stories and how they pertained to me. I was thankful to do that and my book Greyhound , seven years on still sells a ridiculous number of copies every month and is very well-received. These days, I feel that when you write a book and tell a story ... when the reader puts down the book for the last time, you better have changed them forever -- as well as having changed the world forever, too. You don't want that reader walking away the same. Remember what I said many years ago about a good book being axe for the frozen sea within us? Yeah. Still true. Now, it should do more than wake you up. It should change you. And I mean it.

Question: Did you feel the same way about the world after reading Silence of The Lambs ?

Answer: No. It changed you. Admit it.

Why? Because that hadn't been done before. It wasn't the trend. It wasn't what was popular at the time. Even when Thomas Harris wrote  Red Dragon , people freaked out over it and it was the precursor to Silence. The story fixated on the Chesapeake Ripper, not Hannibal the Cannibal. That wasn't drawn out until the next book. People's tastes were forever altered by those books.

Breaking the World.

Imagine the conversations being had over at Putnam (Harris's Publisher) when they were consternating over publishing that material. I can assure you they weren't jumping for joy or 100% sure of themselves about it either. They were absolutely conflicted. Just the ethical questions in that material alone would've made most publishers say NOPE to that. It happens a lot. However, someone had the wherewithal to see it for what it was. A game changer. Whether that was his agent, who bombarded them with phone calls and letters, or an Editor on staff, or the author himself. Someone had to really *sell that baby*. His Publisher was very worried when both Red Dragon and Silence came out. You can't deny that. Both of those books ... were world-breakers.

"This guy has written about this socialite Doctor, who has a wealthy and successful practice in upscale Baltimore. He runs at the highest levels of life ... and he's a serial killer who is eating his victims. He prey's on the rude, rich and powerful."

As blasé as that may sound today and kind of "Yeah, maybe I'll read that" right now, back then, the trend was Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and V.C. Andrews. Is it all coming full circle for you now?Remembering with a gasp? Yeah. That kind of material wasn't being published back then. It was too raw and too true to nature.  Ann Rule and Patricia Cornwell continued what Harris was reaching for in the nineties and capitalized on it greatly and did it with great effort, skill and success. And everyone ate it up. I remember buying Red Dragon at a military BX in the early 80s and after I read it, I wasn't the same. That book definitely changed the way I saw fiction.
Point: You can't help but think of Dr. Lecter anytime someone mentions Cannibalism now. Harris changed you and the world in a burst of literary genius. See my point?

Point again: You can't help but think of Westley from  The Princess Bride  every time you hear anyone say: "As you wish." Maybe you even think of William Goldman as you prefer the book over the movie. Can you?

Point again: I receive many texts and emails whenever my readers see a Greyhound bus pass them on the road or they see folks loading up. They can't help but think of me and my book, and they can't help but let me know.

In my own small way, I did something that broke the world permanently. You may think that might only be important to me and that not many people have read  Greyhound , but in assuming that, you'd be wrong. 

Greyhound was published 7 years ago. Last month I sold almost 10,000 copies. Rounded up a smidge for the sake of a whole number. I'm not joking.

What kind of emotional response do you have now? Do you think as an author I'm marketable? Do you think I'm wide-read enough? What say you?

There's four really good questions for you to think on. Remember, you're reading my blog, so some of this is directly about my journey, some of this includes others. Also, remember what I said about what I'm up to when I'm asking questions.


A battle of wits? To the death? I accept!




So, going back to Amazon Publishing, whom I was with since their very beginning in 2009. If you google APub and my name, you'll see a press release which includes myself and a few other really talented authors. We all took a chance with them and for the most part, it worked out. Life happened. Sales happened. Tastes happened. Trends happened. People left APub and others came on board.

When they told me no, it really felt like being thrown off a moving bus, out the side door and rolling directly under the wheels. Sounds drastic? Not really. I think it's accurate because you want people to judge you on your work, especially in these creative endeavors, and based on merit. Sustainability? Sure. Trends? Sure. Taste? Sure.

Did you sell a lot of books? Yes. Do you have an ocean of positive and authentic reviews from the community? Yes.
Did you receive critical acclaim and attention as a writer? Yes.
Was your work independently championed by the Industry, all by itself? Yes.
Did you sell a lot of books? Yes.

What you don't want is to feel arbitrarily dismissed, or cast asunder because your publisher has some scheming new plan they're slowly rolling out over the last three years that they think no one notices, but is more than obvious if you, as Rachael Maddow says every night: "Watch This Space!" And yes, we authors/readers absolutely do watch that space. That is our job.

No publisher, mine included can reject three manuscripts in a row and then ever say that they believed in what you were doing as an author or, that they were willing to grow your talent and continue to give you space. Publishers cultivate talent and nurture it. That's the game. When it becomes about something else, something unseen and arbitrary, then yes, it is time to move on. And you must move on. Like Glass said, you have to keep working, keep writing and don't get bogged down in the rejection which can feel like 'The Pit of Despair' where you're attached to Count Rugen's machine which is sucking away years of your life in short order. You have to leave and never look back.
When you're fighting these battles to prove your worth, you often don't know if it's like a scene from The Princess Bride. Are you Vizzini, or the man in Black? You may even be Buttercup, just hostage to the whole situation. That's a likely scenario, too. It's definitely a battle of wits and no one can take much joy from it because, in real life, it's unlikely you'll either die laughing or survive after a belly-full of self-ingested poison. True, you don't want to be married to a wart-hog faced buffoon, either, but there's always another door ready to open -- if you're strong enough to go through it. And you should if you can see that door with any amount of clarity.

I've done my job, I'm proud of the job I have done, but please don't ever allude to me that I haven't because I won't take kindly to it. I also don't care for oblique statements that 'could or could not' apply to me, but indirectly were meant to. Most people call that shade. And don't ever infer to me that I'm not marketable. That's insulting. Like I said, I have a really good filter ... just not in the way you might be thinking. That filter benefits 'Westley' just in case you were wondering.

I'm also not alone in my current struggle, but it's not my place to tell other people's story. That's theirs. I have no fear of anyone taking umbrage with my statements or even calling me out on them. I can just post my numbers and be done with it. As a parent, I know the worst thing you can do is to ignore unchecked behavior that isn't productive. Often times kids don't realize that the things they do aren't good for them. Sometimes it's the same with fledgling businesses, too. But hey, insert Kermit drinking tea right here, that's none of my business.

Even though it's 2pm on the coast (ahem, cough cough), let me detail my Summer morning routine a bit for the curious.1. Wake up to the sound of Lawn Mowers somewhere.
2. Wonder why my arm or hand is now hurting. I'm like Worf from Star Trek. I wake up with phantom injuries it seems.
3. Drink the remnants of water in the mason jar beside my bed. Usually 15 ounces or so.
4. Waddle downstairs, rubbing my eyes, forgetting my glasses, going back upstairs to get them and so on.
5. Find the downstairs bathroom. Yes, I'm getting old.
6. Coffee. 10 oz, three times. Talk to the dogs the whole time.
7. Listen to Fox tell me about the dreams he had last night. Usually, Super Mario, Zombies or Donald Trump was somehow involved. Some days all three.
8. Open the back patio door to hear the birds and bugs going full tilt mating and annihilating each other. Life cycle in the low desert continues as normal. Xenomorphs haven't invaded yet.
9. Check on the rabbit. Get side eye.
10. Check email, read HOA patrol reports from the night before. Shake my head in disbelief.
11. Read other emails from two different legal firms associated with my other interests.
12. Check my text messages from Minbear. Everything's kosher. Don't respond right away.
13. Check Facebook. Try not to post until the coffee's gone.
14. Think about what I wrote last night before falling asleep.Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

And that's enough business for one night. Being in the South of France in winter, 1960 is a glorious thing, but alas ...