Elizabeth Gilbert's Blog, page 10

"Hi. Do you love to laugh? I'm Liz Gilbert, and I'm here to recommend a book."

Dear Ones –

Please go buy yourself a copy of TEXTS FROM JANE EYRE, written by Mallory Ortberg, who is such a genius that I can barely even handle it.

It's hilarious, but it's especially hilarious if you 1) love literary classics, and 2) you spend a lot of time texting.

(Which describes me perfectly. And maybe also describes you?)

So here's what Mallory does: She takes famous literary classics and re-imagines them as text conversations.

Which is how you suddenly get Edward Rochester desperately texting Jane Eyre, begging her to come back to him, and to run off to France with him. She refuses. He texts:

"I KNEW IT.
DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?"

Jane's reply:

"yes.
absolutely"

Rochester:

"BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESNT EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC
IF THATS WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT"

You also have Scarlett O'Hara texting to Ashley Wilkes: "where r u? guess what kind of corset im wearing"

You also get Lord Byron texting a friend: "uuuuuuuggggghhh my life."

Or Cathy, texting Heathcliff: "I love you SO MUCH i'm going to write your name all over my books and then i'm going to have someone else's baby and then DIE"

Or Hamlet: "he's not my real dad why do you even like him"

Or Eponine to Marius, from Les Miserables: "marius where are you i am at the barricade with your note" (His reply: "sorry new phone who is this")

OK, it's probably a copyright violation that I'm quoting so much of this book but it's brilliant and funny and I want you to know how brilliant and funny it is. Just know that it's awesome, and it seems right up your alley…so many of you beautiful book geeks whom I love so much, OMG.

Go get it.

Love,
LG

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Dear Ones -

For me, the negotiating begins every day at dawn.

I mean, the negotiating begins the MOMENT I wake up. The very first conscious thought I have is, "I'm not doing it today."

"It" = exercising.

The very first thought of my day = NOT DOING IT.

Absolutely not. Not today. Too tired. I exercised yesterday, so that's good, right? Anyhow, it's the holidays. I'm busy writing – writing is more important than exercise, right? My ankle is sore. It's the wrong time of the month. I didn't sleep well. I just washed my hair yesterday and I don't want to have to wash it again today after I get sweaty I have that phone meeting at 10am. I don't have time.

NOT DOING IT, I tell myself. NOT TODAY.

The problem is, I made a promise to myself that I would exercise every day. Not because of how I want to look, but because of how I want to feel. Because one day, a few months ago, I put my hand on my heart when it was beating hard after a session of dancing around my living room, and I realized: "Here it is. This is where my very life abides — right here inside this miraculous machine beating inside my chest. And this thing, this heart of mine, wants nothing more than to be strong."

So I made a promise: EVERY DAY. I will honor the gift of my life by making that heart beat hard and strong every day. For at least twenty minutes. Whether it's through dancing, running, swimming, biking, or doing jumping jacks in a hotel room after I get off the airplane. Let that life source beat strong.

But at 6am, I don't want to. I never want to. As I brush my teeth, the negotiation continues. I say to myself, "How about we just go for a brisk walk, just for ten minutes?"

By the time I'm lacing up my running shoes, the negotiation has advanced: "I will run today, but not far. I will run slowly. Maybe only fifteen minutes."

As we start running, the negotiation moves forward: "Twenty minutes. But slow. Really slow. And I will hate and resent every moment of it."

I plod forward, frowning. I put the earbuds in my ears. I start listening to the ridiculous gangster rap and hip-hop that seems to be the only thing that can get my legs moving. I know that today it won't work. Today I will quit.

It's cold out. I hate it.

I go anyhow, and as I begin moving, I blame everyone in my life somehow for making me do this miserable thing. I am sour and stiff.

Then it happens, somewhere around the ten-minute mark. The heart opens, the lungs open, the legs loosen. My eyes suddenly get sparked by these little tears of gratitude and awareness: I AM ALIVE. I get to be alive! In a human body! I get to feel all this — the air, the ground beneath my feet, the music in my ears, the gratitude in my soul. I shake out my arms. I sing along aloud with my good friend, Mr. 50 Cent, and I don't care who hears me.

One arm up in the air. Hand to God. Thank you for this life. I say it aloud. Thank you for this life.

My heart beats strong: THANK YOU FOR THIS LIFE.

It's going to be a beautiful day.

Tomorrow morning, I know, the negotiation will begin all over again.

But I made a promise. And I will not talk myself out of this promise. I will not talk myself out this gesture of reverence for the life I have been given.

Thank you, heart. Thank you, feet. Thank you, lungs. Thank you, arms. Thank you, Nelly and Jay Z and Kanye. Thank you, LIFE.

Let your hearts beat strong, Dear Ones. Let's go. Don't talk yourself out of it.

ONWARD,
LG

via Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook Wall

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Good night, Dear Ones!

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Happy news from my shop in Frenchtown, NJ, Dear Ones!

Timeline Photos
SALE EXTENDED!!!

Dear Button-Lovers!

We got so excited by our Thanksgiving weekend sale that we decided to extend it ALL THE WAY TILL CHRISTMAS!

30% everything…even our online shop! (Even Liz's signed books are 30% off…a great gift for the readers in your lives!)

We hope you and your families all have happy holidays, and thank you for being so loyal to us!

All our love,

The Buttons
It's a colorful and happy day in Frenchtown!

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Dear Ones -

Today's wisdom comes to us care of the 19th century philosopher William James. (Who was the BROTHER OF THE MORE FAMOUS HENRY! See how I did that, attentive followers of this page, and book lovers???)

Anyhow…Mr. James had some very good things to say about how to form healthy habits in our lives.

First of all, he observed that most creatures are nothing but bundles of habits. Whether you are a wild fox or a domesticated human, after a certain amount of time, your days always tend to look the same. And since our characters seem to be a reflection of our habits (habits of thinking, habits of acting) it's probably a good idea to try to cultivate beneficial habits and eliminate destructive ones.

William James said that one of the problems with humans is that we set our habits at a young age, and then never consider altering them as we get older. But we CAN change our habits, he claimed.

He suggested an exercise, which I think is lovely and simple — and which I've been trying lately, because it really seems to work.

Here goes:

Mr. James said that every day, we should make a conscious effort to add one good or beneficial act, and to remove one harmful or lazy act.

That's it: Add one good thing and subtract one bad thing, every day.

Just one!

Add one kind word, and restrain yourself from saying one nasty thing about somebody.

Add one act of generosity, and withhold one act of selfishness.

Add one piece of fruit; remove one donut.

Add one glass of water; remove one cigarette.

Add one session of meditation; remove one half hour of reality television.

Add one trip to the gym; remove one trip to the mall.

Add one loving thought about yourself; remove one moment of self-doubt.

Add one brave gesture; remove one cowardly gesture.

Add one thing; remove one thing.

JUST ONE THING!

In this simple manner, day by day, you slowly recreate your habits…and in so doing, you steadfastly transform your life.

And guess what, my loves? THE SHIT WORKS. (That's a quote from me, not William James. But I think he would approve.)

So make a habit of it, Dear Ones! Because what we do matters.

Have a wonderful day!

ONWARD,
LG

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A friend of this page shared this today…lovely. A toast to essential housecleaning!

Good night, loves,
LG

via Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook Wall

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THE CRAB BUCKET

Dear Ones -

A few months ago, I was on stage with — minister, teacher, family man, great guy — and a woman in the audience asked him this question:

"I'm making all these important changes in my life, and I'm growing in so many new and exciting ways, but my family is resisting me, and I feel like their resistance is holding me back. They seem threatened by my evolution as a person, and I don't know what to do about it."

Rob said, "Well, of course they're threatened by your evolution as a person. You're disrupting their entire world view. Remember that a family is basically just a big crab bucket — whenever one of the crabs climbs out and tries to escape, the other crabs will grab hold of him and pull him back down."

Which I thought was a VERY unexpected comment to come from a minister and a family man!

Rob surprised me even more, though, as he went on to say, "Families are institutions — just like a church, just like the army, just like a government. Their sense of their own stability depends upon keeping people in their correct place. Even if that stability is based on dysfunction or oppression. When you move out of your 'correct place' you threaten their sense of order, and they may very likely try to pull you back down."

And sometimes, in our loyalty to family (or in our misplaced loyalty to the dysfunction that we are accustomed to) we might willingly surrender and sacrifice our own growth, in order to not disrupt the family — and we will stay down in that crab bucket forever.

Friend groups can do this to each other, too. My friend was a heroin addict for many years, and she saw the same phenomenon at play with her friends in the drug world: One junkie would try to get clean, and the others would instantly pull her back down into addiction again. I've seen it happen, too, when friends try to sabotage another friend's efforts to lose weight, or quit smoking, or stop drinking, or get in shape. (The mentality being: "If I can't out of this crab bucket, NOBODY is getting out of this crab bucket.")

When I first got published, I was working as a bartender, and when I shared my happy news with co-workers, one of the managers said, in real anger, "Don't you DARE go be successful on us. That was not the agreement." (And, silently, I was like: "The agreement? What agreement?") That person never forgave me, actually, for aspiring to climb out of that crab bucket.

Not every family (or family-like grouping) is like this, of course. Some families encourage their members not just to climb, but to soar, and sometimes even to fly away. That is true grace — to want somebody to grow, even if it means that they might outgrow you.

But others will try with all their might to hold you back, to pull you down into the crab bucket again and again.

If that is happening in your life, you must identify it and resist it.

Don't let them stop you from growing.

As Rob Bell said beautifully: "If people love you, they will want you to grow. If somebody doesn't want you to grow, you can call their feelings about you by many names…but you cannot call it love. You can call it fear, you can call it anger, you can call it control issues, you can call it resentment…but nobody has ever held anyone back because of love."

Dear Ones, if it's time for you to grow, you have to grow.

If it's time for you to change, you have to change.

If it's time for you to move, you have to move.

If it's time for you to finally crawl out of that crab bucket, start crawling.

Holding yourself back in order to make other people happy will not serve you, and — ultimately — it will not serve them, either.

Be loving, be compassionate, be gracious, be forgiving. But if it's time to be gone, be gone.

(And needless to say, if you are the crab at the bottom of a bucket who is holding another crab back from escape, it might be time to summon up all your love and all your courage and gently, generously, LET GO. It won't be easy, but it might be the most important thing you ever do.)

ONWARD,
LG

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Good night, loves.

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DEAR ONES -

Question of the day: Are you allowed to exist?

I've been working on my new book about creativity, and I've been thinking a lot about the idea of ENTITLEMENT — and how important it is for the creative process.

I recognize that the word “entitlement” has dreadfully negative connotations, but I think there are times when we really need a bit of entitlement, and when it can be put to good use…because you will never be able to create anything interesting out of your life if you don’t believe that you’re entitled to at least try.

Creative entitlement doesn’t mean behaving like a princess, or acting as though the world owes you anything whatsoever. No, creative entitlement simply means believing that you are allowed to be here, and believing that — merely by being here, merely by existing — you are allowed to have a voice and a vision of your own.

The wonderful poet David Whyte has a fantastic name for this sense of creative entitlement. He calls THE ARROGANCE OF BELONGING.

Whyte claims that — without "the arrogance of belonging" — you will never be able take any creative risks whatsoever. Without it, you will never push yourself out of the suffocating insulation of personal safety, and into the frontiers of the beautiful and the unexpected.

The arrogance of belonging is not about egotism or self-absorption. In a strange way, it’s exactly the opposite; it's a force that will actually take you OUT OF YOURSELF and allow you to engage more fully with the world. Because often what keeps you from living your most creative and adventurous and expressive life IS your self-absorption (your self-doubt, your self-disgust, your self-judgment, your crushing sense of self-protection).

The arrogance of belonging pulls you out of the darkest depths of self-hatred — not by saying, “I am the greatest!” but merely by saying, “I exist.”

So…I want to ask you today: How entitled you feel to exist?

How entitled to do you feel to create, to invent, to change, to engage with this world, to move, to grow, to take risks, to have a voice and a vision of your own?

Has there been a particular moment in your life when you stood tall and brave in your own existence at last?

Was there a moment in your life when you finally allowed yourself to embrace the arrogance of belonging?

If you've never claimed your existence — never claimed your belonging — what would it take to do so?

What would you do with your existence, if you ever allowed yourself to fully take ownership of it?

What would you be (and what would you make) if you were allowed to fully exist?

Just wonderin'….

OK, I'll go back to writing now!

Sending love…and ONWARD,
LG

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WEEKLY HOUSEKEEPING!

Dear Ones –

We get a lot of new people joining this Facebook page every day (thank you for joining our little community, new folks!) so once a week, I try to give everyone all the information they might want, about other places on the Internet to find me.

So let’s run down the list:

My website is http://www.elizabethgilbert.com. There, you can find information on all my upcoming events, see videos, read my thoughts on the writing process, and download book club guides to my books!

I have an email newsletter (where I always reveal my big news first, see exclusive home videos, and sometimes run contests, when I remember to.) You can join the newsletter by clicking the icon on the left of this page called "LizNews" and signing up. (You can also sign up for LizNews on the homepage of my website.)

You can follow me on Twitter, where I basically just goof off, at: http://www.twitter.com/GilbertLiz

You can follow me on Instagram (which I just started because some 14-year-olds told me to) at:

http://instagram.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer.

You can follow me on Pinterest (that addictive crack house, whose vortex I try not to tumble down too often because it’s a gorgeous suckhole) at: http://www.pinterest.com/lizgilbertpins

And if you EVER want to buy to buy signed copies of ANY of my books, you can buy them online through the shop, Two Buttons, that I run in New Jersey with my husband (otherwise known as “that Brazilian guy”.) The link is right here: http://twobuttons.com/shop/

That is all, my dears!

(And yes, in all these various social media forums, it is actually ME doing the posting, the chatting, the responding, the pinning, the time-wasting. I like it. It’s fun. I like hanging out with you guys. I’m glad you like hanging out with me. Also, I have no children and my husband cooks, so I have plenty of extra time on my hands…)

?

Thanks for everything!

ONWARD,
LG

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