Elizabeth Gilbert's Blog, page 27

Question of the day: WHO FORMED YOU?

Esquire magazine this month put together a great package all about mentoring — specifically about how many young boys are out there who need good, strong, responsible, adult mentors. As part of the feature, Esquire interviewed dozens of successful men, asking who had influenced and formed them…and the answers are wonderful. ((I especially loved Quincy Jones, talking about how he and Ray Charles had made this pact in the 1940s, when facing racism and discrimination: "Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me.")

The magazine got me thinking about my own formation, my own mentors. Nobody has influenced me more than my mother, but she was not alone in raising me. It most certainly takes a village. And today I want to express my gratitude to the best teacher I ever had — my 4th grade teacher, Ms. Sandie Carpenter.

Sandie was a gorgeous, dynamic, inventive young teacher when she got her hands on me in 1978. She truly believed there was nothing we could not learn, and she set no limits to our minds. She taught us Latin, astronomy, plant science (Yes, young Alma — botany!), sign language. (This was all in public school, by the way.) We put on a talent show. We started a newspaper. We memorized the Wordsworth poems and the Gettysburg Address (then raised money through a plant sale to take a trip to Gettysburg, where we recited the speech right where it had actually happened.) I can still recite the American presidents in order, because of Sandie, and I can still spell "succulent" because of Sandie. She taught us how to keep journals, and she read Hemingway to us. (HEMINGWAY! We were 9 years old!) She electrified our imaginations, every single day.

Sandie was also the first feminist I ever met. On the first day of school (this was 1978) she wrote her name on the board as MS. CARPENTER, and then explained to us that "Ms" was a new word, which had recently been invented in order to give women a title that did not reflect whether they were married or not. She further explained why this was important — because every woman should have an identity that she can carry with her for her entire life, regardless of her marital status.

I was like, "WHO IS THIS PERSON??!!!"

I was never quite the same after Ms. Carpenter. (And since that day, I have always been Ms. Gilbert. And I always will be.)

I am honored to say that Ms Carpenter has remained a true friend to me in my adult life. We've never fallen out of touch. I just saw her last week in Portland, OR. She took an overnight train all the way from Montana in order to come hear me speak. (Did I mention that she now lives on a mountain in Montana, and hikes or skis every day? That's her gentle retirement!)

She's still gorgeous, still dynamic, still pushing me to learn. (She's the one who will email me and say, "Have you seen BOYHOOD yet? Why haven't you seen it yet?")

It's difficult to thank the people who formed you and made you who you are. You never really know what kind of gift to offer them in return. In my case, I was finally able to come up with a nice way to honor Ms. Carpenter: I wrote THE SIGNATURE OF ALL THINGS for her. Which is to say that I wrote it TO her. I wanted to delight her. I wanted to show her what her former student could do. I wanted to give her a big novel — the kind of novel I know she's always loved — about plant science, about Latin, about astronomy, about a brilliant female mind.

She liked it.

Though she corrected a few spelling errors.

So this is my thank you note/love letter to Sandie Carpenter….and tell me — who formed you?

And who are you forming?

ONWARD,
LG

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THE SIGNATURE OF ALL THINGS in beautiful Brazil!

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A Assinatura de Todas As Coisas – Rio de Janeiro – Brasil

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THOUGHT OF THE DAY: "Have the courage to do what you need to do before you are FORCED to do it."

Dear Ones -

was incredible yesterday at . Like: ON FIRE. She's a speaker of the truth, and I love it. So much of what she has to teach is about ultimate self-accountablity, and as she spoke I had more than a few moments of electric self-recognition about things I have done in the past (or am still doing!) that invite mess and dysfunction into my life.

Let me quote one particularly resonant passage of her speech:

"Have the courage to do what you need to do before you are FORCED to do it. And when you are forced to do it, don't get mad at the people who forced you to do it."

Does this make as much sense to anyone else out there as it does to me? Does it remind you of yourself as much as it reminded me of me?

I don't like conflict. I aim for appeasement. I often dodge the chance to directly address problems early on, because I hope the problems will go away. I deny and I duck and I put my hands over my ears and say, "La-la-la-la-la." And then, guess what? Sometimes those problems don't away. In fact, they blow up in my face — often through another person's reflexive or angry action. And then I think, "God, what a mess that person has made in my life!" When in fact that person was just acting out in a dysfunctional manner because of a completely screwed up scenario that I had allowed to continue for far too long — because I didn't have the courage to address it earlier. It is not their fault that things got messy; it is my fault that I didn't clean up my own house sooner.

I started to learn a long time ago that if we don't take action in our lives, action will be foisted upon us — and you might not like how it plays out. You may stay passive as much as you like, but destiny will not rest. If you sit there long enough and do nothing, shit will go down, anyhow. So you can either change bad situations yourself, or you can wait for them to detonate upon you (on someone else's terms)…but it's probably better if you take it in your own hands sooner.

I am still learning this. I can see messy things that happened in my life this very year, because I didn't want to cope with problems sooner. I'm not beating myself up here about it. (Nor should you.) It's over. (As Iyanla says: "If it's in the past…you passed.") But I took note of this idea yesterday, and told myself, "Liz, stay alert. Heads up. Start speaking your truth sooner. You've been put on watch."

And this is how we learn and grow.

Have a great Sunday, everyone!

ONWARD,
LG

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THE SIGNATURE OF ALL THINGS in Alaska…what a gorgeous photo!

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SOAT made it all the way to the South Sawyer Glacier in ALASKA!

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THANK YOU, Oprah.

I am sure I will have more to say over the coming weeks about what it's been like to be on Oprah's Life You Want Tour. But tonight, before I crash out, I just want to say this: I am being presented on this tour as some of teacher, but at every turn I find myself taking notes (emotionally, spiritually and literally) in the guise of a student.

When I am not speaking (which is the whole weekend, except for 45 minutes) I am sitting in the front row with my heart and mind wide open, and I am LEARNING…from Mark Nepo, from Rob Bell, from Iyanla Vanzant, from Deepak Chopra, from the brave audience members who rise to speak, from everyone who is there to share and to grow.

But mostly I am learning from Oprah Winfrey, who gives so much of herself to the world, from a place of such sincere grace and kindness and power. She is extraordinary. It is not new information for me to say this, and it should not be news for anybody to hear it, but I do need to say it: She is extraordinary. The more I see of her in public, and the more I see her in private, the more extraordinary she becomes in my eyes. You cannot say this about every hero you meet. (Trust me.) But you can say this about her.

I am growing, growing, growing because of these gatherings.

I was thinking today about something my friend told me once, about when she was a junkie, and she kept thinking she had hit rock bottom….but there was always another rock bottom below that rock bottom, "always another trap door." There are times in our lives when we feel like this — when we feel like we just keep tumbling down through defeat after defeat after defeat…and there is no end to it. I have been there, too. (As Rob Bell said in his talk today, "The definition of despair is the belief that tomorrow is going to be exactly like today.")

But I realized today that it works in the other direction, too. There are just as many endless levels up as there are down. There are moments when we feel like we are pretty happy, that things are going well, that we are lucky and blessed, that we have learned our important life lessons, that we have settled into ourselves. But we aren't done yet. There is always a higher plane to which we can ascend. There is always another staircase going up. There is always more goodness to learn, more darkness to shed. More truth to realize. More room to grow. More wonder to be grateful for.

Today, I just feel like I climbed a rope ladder in my soul to an entirely new level.

Oprah did that.

I am grateful.

See you tomorrow, friends.

Love,
LG

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GREEN DRESS #2

OK, guys — I'm heading over to the arena at Auburn Hills, MI, for the second stop of ….and today I will be wearing THIS little green dress.

Because a girl can never have too many green cocktail dresses. Especially green cocktail dresses with insane Frida Kahlo parrot details like this baby here.

As my sister always taught me: "You have to dress well, or else your future won't take you seriously."

(SOME DAYS THIS IS MORE TRUE THAN OTHERS! Today is one of those days.)

ONWARD!

Heart,
LG

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FRIDAY HOUSEKEEPING!

Dear Ones –

We get a lot of new people joining this Facebook page every day (thank you for joining our little community, new folks!) so once a week, I try to give everyone all the information they might want, about other places on the Internet to find me.

So let’s run down the list:

My website is Elizabeth Gilbert - The Official Website | ElizabethGilbert.com.

Oi Brasil!

Somebody found this video that I made a few years ago for my Brazilian publisher. I am attempting to speak Portuguese so I can thank my Brazilian fans. My accent is terrible, but my words are sincere!

Obrigada, Brasil!

LG

falando aos fãs brasileiros , pirei !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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THE SIGNATURE OF ALL THINGS reaches Ecuador! (I hope to follow it there someday!)

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From the middle of the world, Quito, Ecuador!!!

Happy to spend time with Alma at her fare in Tahiti… Loving your book Liz!!! @[227291194019670:274:Elizabeth Gilbert]

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Dear Ones -

I've been searching all day for the right thing to say on September 11th.

I was in New York City that day. I slept and then meditated through the attack. When I finally got my morning started and turned my phone back on, I had two dozen messages. It had all already happened.

Wanting to help, I immediately went to a hospital and tried to donate blood, and was turned way because there were too many of us who wanted to donate, and not enough need. An ambulance driver outside the hospital told me, "There aren't many injuries. Nearly everyone who was there died."

In the years since, the world has changed — and it has not yet unchanged. There has been no end to war. There has been no end to fear. I have many feelings about this endless state of war, and the results of all the fear, but today is not the day to share those feelings.

Instead, my thoughts today turn to something I overheard in New York in the days after 9/11. There was a lot of anxiety and dread floating about the city, for obvious reasons, but I had one friend who remained resolutely fearless through it all, even when everyone else was having anxiety attacks about getting on the subway, or hoarding canned food, or creating apocalyptic plans for escaping town if necessary.

My resolute friend was talking to one of my most anxious friends, who asked, "How can you be so calm when we could be attacked again at any moment?"

My resolute friend replied, "Because I refuse to lead a panic-driven life, and because we are not under attack right now."

My anxious friend said, "But how will you behave if we DO come under attack?"

And my resolute friend replied calmly: "With dignity, hopefully."

I have never forgotten her words. The world is an uncertain place. We never will see what is coming. Uncertainty is the only rule. Hold onto your dignity, though — no matter what. And within that dignity, safeguard your compassion, your grace, your courage.

Sometimes that's all we have, but it's also the best we have.

All love,
Liz

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