Elizabeth Gilbert's Blog, page 4

My latest TED talk on creativity! Enjoy!

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A lovely interview with Luc Berthelette!

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Liz Gilbert with her Happiness Jar! http://ift.tt/sUqSyM

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I recently shared a post about my practice of keeping a "happiness jar". At the end of every day, I write down the happiest moment of the day and put it in the jar, to keep a record of my joy. Many of you have shared photos of your own Happiness Jars — which makes me, well..very happy! Thought you all might enjoy the variety and creativity!

HAPPINESS JARS
I recently shared a post about my practice of keeping a "happiness jar". At the end of every day, I write down the happiest moment of the day and put it in the jar, to keep a record of my joy. Many of you have shared photos of your own Happiness Jars — which makes me, well..very happy! Thought you all might enjoy the variety and creativity!

via Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook Wall

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Dear Ones -

I learned this lesson first and foremost with myself (the way we all learn our big lessons I suppose).

The only way ANYTHING in my life has ever changed is when I was finally able to step outside of myself a bit, and regard my thoughts or actions with a dispassionate eye, and see how those thoughts and actions were contributing to these terrible outcomes, and finally say to myself: "Enough of this bullshit, Gilbert."

Enough of what, exactly?

Well, take your pick.

Enough of the lies you've been telling to yourself, Liz.

Enough of the lies you've been telling to others.

Enough of saying, "I've got this under control!" when all evidence points to the fact that you totally do not have it under control.

Enough of the blame.

Enough of the shame.

Enough of being guided by fear instead of by faith.

Enough of waiting for somebody other than yourself to transform.

Enough of waiting for someone to speak your truth for you.

Enough of waiting to be saved.

Enough of not forgiving.

Enough of saying, "I'm too weak to do this important thing!"

Enough of the patterns of self-abuse, self-destruction, and self-ridicule.

Enough of saying, "But it's not FAIR!"

At some point or another in my life, I've had to call bullshit on myself for all of the above. I get sick of my own bullshit when I become bored, saddened, and angered with the same garbage outcomes happening to me all the time. It sucks, and I get pissed off, and my life becomes unhappy. But at some point, I finally get it. Instead of crying out, "Why does this keep HAPPENING to me?!" I finally say, "Enough, Gilbert. Time to look at what you are doing to create these garbage outcomes in your life. And time to stop doing it."

Then comes the digging, the owning, the honesty, the work.

I can still remember some of the places I was standing, and what I was wearing, and what the sky looked like at these moments of self-revelation.

I can only assume that — going forward — I will have to call bullshit on myself again and again, too…but only if I want to keep growing!

Because I've seen this happen in other people's lives, too — the moment when they finally wake up to their own bullshit. What follows next is always amazing. It's not self-hatred or shame (that was all part of the original bullshit) but LIBERATION. I'm talking about that electrifying moment when someone says, "Enough. I see it all clearly now, and I'm done with that chapter in my life." It's like they step out of an old self and into a new one. They enter into a new level of self-accountability, self-respect, and self-awareness.

It just makes you want to burst into applause.

Because that's where it all begins.

Because what happens next is merely this: a human being ignites into life.

ONWARD,
LG

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AGAINST FEARLESSNESS -

Dear Ones -

Can I speak out for a moment against the word "fearless"?

Cool! Let's go.

Over the years on this Facebook page, I've been hearing from a lot of you, about how you want to become fearless.

Some of you had it for your New Year's Resolution for 2015.

I've also heard many of you say that you want to live more creative or adventurous lives — but that you need to "get past" your fears first. You say that you need to put your fears behind you, or to fight against your fear, or to conquer it, or to silence it.

Yesterday, when I put a posting up here about having fire in your belly, many of you wrote back saying that your fear has killed the fire in your bellies, and that you now want to kill the fear, in return…

But I don't think that's how it works.

I'm an enormously fearful person, by nature. I was born terrified, and I was an incredibly freaked-out and panicky child — and I still am full of fears. Just last night, I was awoken in a cold sweat by a full-on terror dream about public speaking. (I lost my notes, had no idea what to say, couldn't find a nice dress to wear, couldn't find my way to the stage…etc.)

I gave up fighting against my fear a long time ago. I found that the harder I fought against my fear, the harder it fought back. (Generally speaking, life has taught me that the harder you fight ANYTHING, the harder it fights back.)

These days, I try instead to make room for fear — with a sense of respect and appreciation.

Lots of room.

People want to leave their fears behind — but you can't. You just have to make friends with your fear, and make space for your fear, and make peace with your fear.

I recognize that my fear has a role in my life — to protect me against unknown outcomes. (You fear assumes that all unknown outcomes end in your bloody death.) All my fear is trying to do is save my life. You have to give it credit and appreciation for that. So whenever my fear arises, I thank it. I say to it, "I understand that you are part of me, and that you are necessary for my existence, and that you are the reason I am still alive. So thank you."

But then I politely explain to my fear that I will be going forward with the project or the activity, anyhow.

It's not a fight; it's a conversation.

I do this all the time with creative endeavors. I tell my fear that me and creativity are going on a road trip — and I INVITE my fear to come along with us. I explain to my fear that I won't try to kill it, or to exclude it. I explain to fear that it is very welcome to join us, and even to have a voice. But I also explain to my fear that it won't be allowed to make any decisions along the way. Only creativity and I will be making deciisons. As I always say to fear, "Get in the minivan with us! You are part of this family, and you are coming along for the ride!" I say, "Thank you for your input, but with all due respect, you don't get to choose the route!"

I have come to understand that creativity and fear will forever be linked — because creativity always asks us to move in directions of unknown outcome, and fear HATES unknonwn outcome.

I have made peace with that reality.

All of which is to say: I really don't believe in fearlessness.

I don't think it's a wise or sane goal.

I believe in integrating all the parts of yourself into one functioning family. And that means never leaving your fear behind — just as you would never leave any family member behind — but just bringing it along for the ride.

Because the truth is, we can all live together without fighting — all the different parts of ourselves. That's how you integrate all your parts into one healthy whole.

That's what's called A FULL LIFE.

So don't leave your fears behind, Dear Ones. Instead, leave behind your fantasy of "fearlessness", and replace it with a goal of living gracefully within your complete and whole humanity.

Then onward you shall go (even into the realm of public speaking!)

HEART,
LG

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Dear Ones -

A great man passed away this week.

I want to try to honor him today.

Serge Hochar was a winemaker from Lebanon — the master behind Chateau Musar wines, which are celebrated worldwide for their extraordinary complexity.

I wrote a profile of him years ago in GQ magazine, and I found him to be one of the most electrifying men I've ever met.

He was a man possessed by extraordinary passion, curiosity, courage and joy. During the entire seventeen years of the war in Lebanon, he managed to keep his vineyards in operation and his wines in production, even when bombs were (literally) falling all around him. He felt it was his moral duty to keep making wine — as a defense of civilization, during the worst of human brutality.

The first wines in the world came from Lebanon, thousands of years ago. The wines that are mentioned in the Bible come from Lebanon. Serge felt that the entire history of this region was woven into his wines, and that —therefore — he was duty-bound to defend the tradition and to uphold it.

I spent several days in Beirut with Serge, and they were among the most extraordinary of my life. He showed me what to eat and he taught me how to drink. One afternoon, we opened a bottle of 1972 Chateau Musar, and we slowly drank it, over the course of several hours. He encouraged me to notice how much the wine changed over those hours — and indeed it was true that the final sip tasted completely different than the first.

He said, "That is because wine is a living being. When you encounter a bottle of wine, it is always a case of life meeting life. Especially if there is truth in the making of it. Watch how the wine changes, and watch how you change with it."

He warned me against judging any wine too quickly. We must let it grow, he said. We must see what it becomes, because it is alive.

Then he said something I've never forgotten.

He said: "It is the same with people."

He warned me never to judge people too quickly — because they are alive, and because life is always changing. People go through seasons in their lives, just like wines do. They shift, they grow, they move. Sometimes you have to wait it out and give a person time — to see who they become, and to see what fate does to them over the years. (Again, it is a case of "life meeting life", and anything can happen when life is session.)

I cannot tell you how many times I have thought of those words over the years — especially when I am in conflict or crisis with someone, and I want to dismiss them or write them off. I think of Serge saying, "Wait. Don't judge them yet. It's too soon to tell. Life is happening. Let us wait and see what they become — and what you become."

He was a great, great man.

Serge Hochar died over the New Year's weekend. He drowned in the Pacific Ocean, while on vacation with his family. He had just celebrated his 75th birthday. All of us who knew him assumed he would last forever. He seemed larger than life. But it must have been his time. As he himself would have said with a shrug and a smile, "That is what I call fate."

Here is the story I wrote about him years ago, if you want to read it. I just read it again this morning, through tears, and he has inspired me all over again:

http://bit.ly/1Bs6QiO

LIFE MEETING LIFE.

That's all there is.

ONWARD,
LG

Serge Hochar, Producer of Lebanese Wines, Dies at 75
www.nytimes.com
Mr. Hochar made his Chateau Musar much admired, in part for having operated even as civil war raged in Lebanon.

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…and a hearty lunch ahead of me!

ONWARD,
LG

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Dear Ones -

Some of you may have seen this story circulating the Inter-verse lately, but I had to share it here, because it's so wonderful, and so powerful.

This young woman was dumped by her fiancé a week before her wedding. Instead of retreating into despair and shame, she asked her friends and family to show up on what was supposed to have been her wedding day, anyhow. They all got dressed up and helped her to…well…make some major alterations to her wedding gown!

The results are beautiful and memorable, as you can see.

What I see in these photos is a young woman who refuses to rescind ownership over her own story in any way. I see a young woman who won't play the victim. I see a young woman who is stubbornly holding autonomy over her own life. I see a young woman who is calling upon her creativity and her dignity, in order to make peace from the pieces…and who (wisely) decided not to do it alone.

I've talked on this page many times about the importance of ceremony and ritual, in order to mark the most critical transitions of our personal stories. Ceremonies are intended to carry you safely through your changes (happy or sad, welcome or tragic) and to make sure that you don't get lost between one chapter of your life and the next.

If you skip the ceremony, sometimes it's difficult to safely process the transformation.

I believe that when society doesn't have an established ceremony in place for what you need — for the transition that you are facing — then you are TOTALLY allowed to make up a ceremony of your own.

Weddings are important ceremonies, with a deep tradition behind them. But there's no ceremony in place for how to get over being dumped a week before your wedding. So what this young woman did here? THAT'S how you create a homemade ritual, when you need one. That's how you bring meaning and light back into your world when nothing makes sense anymore. That's how you safely cross over to the next chapter.

That's how you say: ONWARD!

I bow down to her. She's awesome.

Heart,
LG

http://ift.tt/13Kq5Zp

I got left at the altar: turning heartbreak into artwork
offbeatbride.com
As the day that was supposed to be my wedding day approached, none of us knew what to do, think or feel. I knew that a pity party was the farthest thing from what I wanted or needed. A few people b…

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Dear Ones -

This is why I love this day.

Because even if we've done nothing to deserve it, we each get an entirely brand new, totally fresh, unspoiled, and completely free New Year.

(In my best Oprah voice: "You get a new year! And you get a new year! And YOU get a new year! And YOU get a new year!")

No dents, no dinks, no drama, no flat tires, no smash-ups, no mistakes — you just get to cash in the old year, and trade it up. A good clean do-over. A year you can do whatever you want with. No questions asked.

Which is why, every single year, on January 1, I wake up and think, "Dear God, maybe this year I'm finally gonna get it right."

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL, YOU GUYS.

You can't put a value on that sense of hope. I freaking love it.

Have a beautiful 2015, Dear Ones. Thanks for spending 2014 with me. I'll be here every day on this page in the months to come, and we'll hang. We'll keep figuring it all out.

It's gonna be good, y'all.

Gonna get a little more of it right by the day.

Feel it in my bones.

Bless your beautiful new years…

ONWARD,
LG

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