David W. McFadden

“It’s true I’m not very well off
But I feel richer than Boris Karloff
Because I’m a poet, because I know you
And because I know how much I need
Which isn’t much but it’s easy to bluff
That you have enough when you have the freedom
To know pretty well when enough is enough.
—”
― David W. McFadden, Why Are You So Long and Sweet?: Collected Long Poems of David W. Mcfadden

“HOW TO BECOME PART OF NATURE
Pay your bills promptly
Keep track of everything you spend
Take taxis everywhere you go
Avoid people you’re naturally attracted to
Discuss the weather with strangers
Make random phone calls at 2 a.m.
Neither apologize nor forgive
Avoid curiosity
Always wear blue suits
Never smile
Tell long boring stories
Yawn when people are talking to you
Avoid sex whenever possible
Complain loudly about unions
Cultivate a British accent
Make obscene gestures at nuns
Never fart in public
Rattle change in your pocket
Flush newspapers down public toilets
Lecture people about smoking
Collect pornography
Be the first to pass out at parties
Debunk current fads
Keep your eyes unfocussed
This is all you need to know. Within three years
of following these rules carefully
you will be part of nature.
—”
― David W. McFadden, Why Are You So Long and Sweet?: Collected Long Poems of David W. Mcfadden