Mia Knight's Blog, page 5

“Roth navigated easily through the bumper to bumper traffic. His years in London showed as he took back streets and never once referred to his phone for directions. The Rolls Royce’s soundproof interior was so complete, only the faintest hint of the downpour reached her ears. Roth didn’t turn on the radio to fill the silence. Like her father, he hated unnecessary noise and that included music or talking. They lived in their heads. So did she.

While she built fictional worlds, they created in the real world, molding everything around them to their will. Both required intense concentration. She had never noticed that similarity before. When she moved in with her father, they spent most of their time in the library, working at their own desks, not speaking. They didn’t have deep, meaningful conversations. Most of their communication was unspoken, instinctive. Spending hours in the same room with someone, listening to the rhythm of their work, told her more than asking her father one hundred questions. They sensed each other’s moods and adjusted accordingly.

Sitting in silence with a stranger was uncomfortably intimate, but even when she was getting to know Roth, it had never bothered her. She adjusted to his pattern so easily, just as she had this time. Why was that? ”

I haven’t completed PT 2 yet. I hurt my arm from overuse, so when my forearms start burning, I know it’s time for a break. I’ve been working on two flashbacks this week—their first and second meet. Knowing what I know about these characters in the present and even the future, traveling back seven years to their first interaction and exploring her mind set and family life back then is so jarring. Most startling are her references to Ford, her fiancé at that time. I had several drafts of their first meet, but as usual, I had to scrap most of it because things have changed. I’m very pleased with how it came out, though. Even during their first conversation, you see a hint of the man Roth will become.

I love flashbacks because you get the full scope of the characters. I tend to shy away from characters meeting at the beginning of the book because I love when characters have a lot of messy history—it’s much more fun that way! Letting these scenes play out shocked me. The original drafts were brief and didn’t really go that deep—i just focused on girl meets boy and moved on. For some reason, I decided to show more and this resulted in the longest chapter yet. I’m so glad I spent more time on it. This may be too much story for people who are only focused on the romance, but I’m interested in who they are as people because that has a huge impact on them as a couple. Watching the evolution of their relationship is fascinating.

I’m writing this blog a day before my 33rd birthday. Creeping toward my mid-30s isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I’m actually very content with where I’m at. I still think of myself as young and then I realize that I graduated from high school… omg. i just calculated it and now I’m a little less okay with my age. LOL. Where has the time gone?!

My sister and nephews were supposed to visit on the 30th for a week, but they all came down with the flu so their whole trip is up in the air and it doesn’t look like they’ll make it. :( Maybe during the holidays…

I hope you’re all having a great week!

“You don’t know what I’m capable of.”

“You’re right,” she whispered. “And the little I do know terrifies me.”

The air buzzed with tension. Her hand fisted in her lap as she forced herself to hold his gaze. The urge to look away was overwhelming, but she resisted. The red haze flashed to green as the light changed. He accelerated before he broke the staring contest and looked back at the road.

“It's not your place to worry about him. He made his choices. Now, he has to live with it.”

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

Spent a lot of time on a flashback this week. It’s really jarring to switch back to her mindset at that time and her relationships with others. It’s kind of uncomfortable because it sheds more light on some things I hadn’t meant to highlight and wasn’t sure I wanted to, but that’s the way the scene went. At this point, I’m just plowing through these scenes and trying to reach the end zone. :)

With as many hours that I spend writing, I am always on the hunt for amazing, ergonomic keyboards. I’m a self-taught typist. Meaning, I had no technique and basically only used a couple of fingers. Over the past two years, I’ve learned how to touch type and even gotten a split keyboard to force me to learn how to type correctly and ease the aches I’ve developed from spending so much time at the computer.

Kinesis Freestyle 2

I’ve been using the Kinesis Freestyle 2 for a little over a year. It was a comfortable keyboard to type on and eased the aches I got from typing on the other ten or so I own. You know how some authors collect notebooks and pens? I collect keyboards, apparently. I do have a reason, though. I've developed Repetitive Stress Injury from the hours I spend writing so I’m always trying to find what would work best to save myself from developing carpal tunnel or arthritis.

Anyway, my Freestyle died this week and I can’t even work for an hour on a regular keyboard without getting a cramp which forced me to pull out the Advantage 2, made by the same company that I had collecting dust under my bed for over a year.

This had such a steep learning curve that I gave up a year ago. But, under the circumstances. it was better than nothing. So, I pulled it out and studied the board. A lot of the keys that are normally at the fringes of the board (backspace, enter, home, etc) are in the middle for your thumbs (which are stronger than your other fingers). I started very slowly, but I’m thrilled to say that the year on the split keyboard helped so much. I would say within an hour or two I was typing at half my regular speed. The placement of the keys make so much sense and it’s so convenient. I don’t know why they don’t make more boards like this. Also, this is programmable so you can switch the keys to a layout that suits you best.

Anyway, just wanted to share for any other writers out there or even someone who spends way too much time at their computer. These keyboards are pricey and ugly (LOL) bur I don’t care as long as they save me from permanent injuries in the long run.

She closed the distance between them and clasped his face between her palms. His stillness made her scalp prickle, but she didn’t back off. She was so close to answers, answers she would give almost anything to know. His eyes were blazing with some emotion she couldn’t identify, but she didn’t care what it was because something was better than nothing.

“Talk to me,” she whispered.

“I’ve said more to you than any person on the planet.”

Why that sent a pinprick of pain through her heart, she wasn’t sure.

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

Gosh, I finally got through that clusterfuck chapter I was talking about last week. It turned into 2 massive chapters totaling around 17k words. There’s no break in the scene, it’s just them talking about… everything. I thought I knew how the scene was supposed to go. Apparently, I was wrong. And, it’s probably for the best. For the first time, it wasn’t Roth that was fighting me. It was Jasmine. We’re usually in accord so it took me forever to figure out why the scene wasn’t working. She wasn’t going along with my plans, so I had to adjust to accommodate her wants (demands) and now I have to add some scenes I wasn’t planning to balance out this new development.

I feel a little off kilter over that whole fiasco, but I am so stoked to have the foundation set. So, onward!

I still have a ways to go, but I’m going to put my head down and plod along, working diligently, and as quickly as I can. Some chapters take 2-3 weeks to write. Others take a day or two. That’s just the way it goes. Hopefully, the other chapters are easier than that last one. I’m so excited to finally flesh out these other chapters!

I transferred my site over! It still needs some work, but right now I just need it operable. I’ll work on it when I have more time. Hopefully, it’s easier to navigate and find information.

I was discussing the office thing with my friend, but we put it on hold since she wasn’t totally comfortable with this delta variant thing happening. So, I’m just continuing to write from home and working through the chaos. It’s been so bloody hot lately that I’ve given up in the afternoons and either taken a nap or gone to the beach for a break. Yesterday I worked until 5:30am, went to sleep, and was up by 10am. I’ve been doing this weird cat nap thing throughout the day, but as with everything lately, I’m just trying to roll with it.

A couple days ago, a friend from my last job contacted me. This month makes 5 years since I left that job to write full-time. He and I were super close, but we fell out of touch when I moved back to the mainland and when I came back, COVID happened, and it’s been a mess. Anyway, it was mind-blowing to catch up with him and hear how things have changed… and what hasn’t. Talking to him was confirmation (not that I needed any) that leaving that job was the best thing I ever did. He could have left and developed his own company, but he chose to stay, believing that things would get better. It hasn’t. He got promoted, but still retains duties from his last position and since his replacement quit, he’s stuck doing both jobs. He was so upset and bitter, which is so unlike him. Years at this company has really taken its toll.

Also, my sister who recently got divorced, switched from a day shift to night so she can take her kid to school and pick him up. She has a 6 and 4 year old. So, she takes the 6 year old to school and has the 4 year old at home with her during the day. Then, she picks up her 6 year old and takes them both to the sitter’s where they’ll stay overnight. Then, she heads off to work. I literally don’t know when she sleeps. She’s coming to Hawaii for a visit at the end of the month, so hopefully she can get some much-needed rest and figure out what she wants to do whether that’s moving or finding a new job or whatever. Also, I get to see my rascal nephews who I haven’t seen in person for two years. Did I ever mention I have 4 nephews under 6 years old?

Both of these stories made me hyper aware of what a blessing it is to be able to do what I do for a living. I always knew I was a lucky bitch, but I feel that more than ever now. Thank you guys for being such awesome readers and tolerating my ridiculous delays. When you write, you have to be clear-headed and living and breathing that story. That’s my goal, but with everything going on in the world and with family, it’s been more difficult than ever. I’m still getting through, but I haven’t been able to live in dreamland, which ties back to that blog I wrote a couple weeks back about feeling like I have to be tuned into the news… and if you listen to the news, you can’t be creative, happy, or inspired. So, I’m trying to block it all out and believe that everything is going to work out. Because it has to, right?

Roth smacked the laptop closed and handed her a fork. He didn’t appreciate the intensity of her glare because he was writing down figures as he talked. When she tried to stand, he gripped her sweater and said, “Hold on,” before he pressed mute and focused on her. “You don’t eat, you’re going to feel like shit tomorrow on the flight.”

“I didn’t say I was going!”

“You are,” he said, eyes fixed on her mouth.

“Roth.”

His eyes flicked up to hers. “Eat before I feed you something else.”

Her heart slammed against her ribs. She picked up her fork. He didn’t release his grip on her sweater until she put something in her mouth.

“I’m back. Go,” he said into the phone, pen poised over what looked like twelve acronyms.

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

The raw draft of Bitter Secrets, PT 1 is available on Patreon and I'm posting weekly snippets of PT 2, which is what I'm currently working on.

This clusterfuck of a chapter in Bitter Secrets almost defeated me. I've been working on this chapter for... I don't even want to say. This chapter is the turning point for the whole book. It's vital that I get this chapter right or the rest of the book won't work. (A wee bit dramatic, maybe... but maybe not.) I was initially so excited to get to this point because of all the revelations, but when I actually got into it, I realized it was a hot mess.

A part of this chapter was written in 2019, when I had a totally different idea for this story. Over the years, this chapter has kind of been a catch all for ideas so when I actually started combing through, I was inundated with material. Some of the ideas from before were irrelevant because the story has morphed so much. Other fragmented scenes had merit, but I didn't know if this was the right time to reveal such a thing. Other stuff was amazing and I spent way too much trying to make it fit because a punchline was so damn good, but that just led to more frustration.

I swear, I have maybe 12 different versions of this chapter and they all vary wildly. I finally had to be cutthroat and just ruthlessly delete massive chunks and just machete my way through to find a path that was halfway decent. It's still gonna need a lot of editing and refining in the future, but at least I can see light at the end of the tunnel... and then I have to complete the rest of the book. LOL. It's weird how some chapters flow and others are like pulling teeth. I don't know why a chapter does or doesn't work, but I can't remember ever having this much trouble with one. Maybe it was because it was such a mishmash of ideas that I liked too much and couldn't choose between? I have no idea what happened with this 11k word behemoth, but I'm glad it's over.

This chapter has led me to believe that maybe a blank page is better than a starting point of fragmented scenes because you naturally want to use what you've already written, which can cause a lot of heartache. It might be better to start with a clean slate and just move forward without regretting what you discarded.

No big, personal updates for me. I'm just working like a madman to the point where everyone around me is quite uncomfortable. LOL. Also, I will be transferring my site either this week or next so if it's down at some point, that's what's going on. Hopefully, it will be much more user friendly and better for both of us!

Hope all is well with you guys! See you next week!

“Mo and Johan will take care of you.”

The sound of his voice directly behind her made her hands freeze before she nodded. She zipped up her bag and kept her back to him.

“If you need anything, someone can fetch it for you.”

She nodded again and fussed with the straps, willing him to walk away. What the hell was he waiting for? “You’re going to be late for your important meeting.”

He smacked her ass hard enough to make her stagger into her bags. Enraged, ass stinging, she whirled with her hand raised to give him the mother of all bitch slaps. He gripped her wrist and yanked her against him, gripping her face and holding her still as he kissed her hard, tongue invading, sparking that heat she didn’t want to acknowledge.

When he broke the kiss, he growled, “I’ll see you tonight,” before he strode away.

As she stood there staring after him, bewildered and part aroused, she spotted Sarai who mimed fainting before she hurried after her boss who strode off the plane and into the rain.

“Jack off,” she muttered.

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

In August, I'm going to continue working on PT 2 of Bitter Secrets. This month I got stumped on quite a few pivotal scenes so I ended up bouncing around in the story, working on other scenes that were more fleshed out in my mind. In August, I'll be stringing all these scenes together and filling in the blanks, which means I have my work cut out for me. I try to work chronologically since every chapter builds upon the previous, but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. And this was one of those months. I hope I'm able to make up for that in August.

I stumbled across an ad for an office in town, which got me thinking... I've always worked from home, which was fine when I lived alone, but now that I don't, I think a separate office could be the answer to everything. I inquired about the office, but unfortunately it was already taken and there's no others available. However, when I first moved back to Hawaii, I was supposed to meet up with a friend who was interested in subleasing her office since she only uses it part-time. But the pandemic happened and staying home became paramount. I reached out to her this week and was ecstatic to hear that she's still open to it! She asked what days and hours I'm looking for and I basically said I would take anything she would give me. I am hell bent on finishing this and having a separate space could do wonders for me.

I've tried to write at our local library, but I kind of look like this Jim Carrey GIF when I really start going.

My rapid and consistent typing always gains a lot of attention in public. Inevitably, someone will stop me and ask, "What are you writing?" Like, why? With my luck, I'll probably be in the middle of some risque sex scene and the lady knows my mom or something. OMG. Our local library is tiny and I know all the librarians (no context required). It's just not a place where I can get any work done.

Random Note: I recently noticed that I tilt my head to the side when I write. You know, the way people do when they're examining something? I think I just started this and I can tell I'm really in the zone because after I'm done writing, my neck hurts.

I don't know how it is for all writers, but for me, I have to be in a zen state. You have to be in the scene with the characters, not just thinking about pretty words. It takes time to settle into that state and once you're in, you want to stay in it as long as possible. The start, stop, of every day life doesn't work, so any time my friend can give me in this office, you better believe I'm going to take advantage. I hope some other space opens up eventually. It would be really nice to have my own office, but for now, I'll take what's available. I think having a separate work space is going to do wonders for me. :) Fingers crossed!

It's humid as hell here. By 3pm you don't really want to do anything, so I've been waking up early. Oh! My sleep schedule has changed from stumbling to bed at 3am-5am to 12pm-2am. I'm usually awake by 8am as opposed to 1pm. I noticed I'm not sleeping as deeply. It could be because of the heat, but I seem to only need around 5-6 hours as opposed to the winter when I slept 8-10 hours.

The fire is all taken care of. There's just this jet black stain across the mountain to remind us of what took place.

I have to say, leaving social media is probably one of the best things I've ever done. I was so obsessed with it and it was so damn depressing and caused me severe anxiety. I felt bombarded every time I went on. I mean, I still get quite a lot of messages, but it's manageable vs being on all these platforms and feeling like you have to post and then once you post, getting snide comments and... it was this awful cycle and not worth it for me. I've turned my attention to much more productive things--thinking more deeply about the stories, working on my websites, focusing on long-term goals, and a bunch of other things I wouldn't have felt I could fit in if I was on social media.

What's strange about this, though, is that even though I'm off social media, I still feel over stimulated. Mostly by the news. I feel like I have to be tuned in because things are changing on a daily basis and... I'm over it. The pandemic really threw me for a loop in 2020 and messed with my head, but we adjusted accordingly and tried to move forward, but... there is no forward. People can't agree on whether we should/shouldn't have masks, whether kids should/shouldn't be in school, which vaccines are effective or not... It just goes on and on and on. It's exhausting keeping up with the arbitrary regulations and I hate it. There's no standard, no order. The people in charge need to get their shit together. It's holding everyone back from living and all this fighting is hurting the next generation. I feel so bad for the kids growing up in this highly politicized, volatile environment. Being a teen is hard enough and then you have all this other crap piled on top of it. If I'm having trouble working from home, what about all these kids? How do they learn how to interact, build friendships, and really learn? It's incredibly lonely. My 6-year-old nephew didn't go to preschool or kindergarten and is going to school for the first time next week and they're not sure how many days they'll do in person schooling. Everything is so uncertain. It's crazy because once we adjust to something, everything shifts again, and we have to start from scratch. It's exhausting. My heart goes out to all the parents who just want to do what's best for their kids. Before, everyone knew what that was and now... it's all muddled up.

I'm so fucking over everything. My goal is to publish Bitter Secrets (2 books) and Carmen's books (2 or 3 books) and then take a couple months off to unwind and decompress. I've always wanted a cabin in the woods somewhere and I think I should just do it. Anyone else want to peace out and just go off into the woods and leave this bullshit behind?? Just me? Ok. LOL. I notice that the crazier things get, the more I long for a quiet, simple life.

Life has become a sci-fi movie that just won't quit.

“Do we have to publish photos?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Roth said shortly and pointed to the top row. “I think it’s between these three.”

She peered at the photos. Two featured them while the third included her family.

“I don’t think we should include my family.”

“Why not?”

She stared at him. “You’re kidding, right? You think my family’s going to ignore what happened at Tuxedo Park?”

He jerked his chin at the photos. “Choose the shot you want featured.”

Her hand tightened around her glass. “Lyle won’t go along with this sham,” she said quietly.

“He will.”

She resisted the urge to pound her fist on the island. She shouldn’t be getting emotional, but his dismissal of Lyle as a threat pissed her off. “You don’t know him at all.”

“I know him well enough.”

“And you think you can control him?” she said scathingly.

“No.”

She blinked. “Then how can you ensure he won’t make a fuss when you put out these photos?”

“I’ll leave that up to you.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “What?”

He toasted her. “Maximus would be proud.”

She had the sensation of falling and grabbed onto the island for support. “You tapped my phone?”

“It’s for your own good.”

“You son of a bitch!” She slammed her glass on the counter and shot to her feet as she went lightheaded with rage. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I’m your husband,” he said, his voice whisper soft and gentle. “And I needed to know where you stood. Now, I do.”

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

This snippet is a continuation of a scene from last week's blog.

I've been working on PT 2 of Bitter Secrets. I wish I was further along, but some of the scenes that I thought would be pretty straightforward were not. I'm hoping that I can catch up in the coming weeks and hit a stride where it just starts flowing, but that hasn't happened yet. There's been a lot of craziness this month, but hopefully August is boring as can be. :) I'll keep you posted.

PT 1 continued where Bitter Heat left off, but PT 2 is where their relationship evolves. I want to keep it as organic and realistic as possible without gimmicks and tropes taking over. I want to show how two people with so much baggage can truly find common ground and maybe even understanding. I think it's the little things in the day to day that make the largest difference. Time heals most wounds. Let's see if Roth can dig himself out of this pit he's made for himself. LOL

In my last blog, I told you all about the fire. It's been over a week and we still have a firetruck in the pasture to monitor any flames that crop up. Not even two days after our fire, there was another one that ravaged the land on the mountain. Thankfully, that area isn't heavily populated, but that makes three big fires this month. It's been extremely dry and this wind hasn't let up for a second. I'm praying for rain.

My oldest sister and two nephews will be visiting at the end of August. She hasn't been home to Hawaii in over 4 years and now that the restrictions have lifted (and her divorce is being finalized) she can finally travel! Hooray! I got her a "Happy Divorce" gift.

Divorce cookies on Etsy

I heard during the pandemic, a ton of people started filing for divorce and the courts got all backed up. I wonder if those people followed through with their divorces or realized their spouses aren't that bad. This pandemic really woke a lot of people up and made them realize what they do or don't want. My sister's ex moved out in February, right before lockdown, so it's been trying, but if you can survive the pandemic being a single mom to a 3 and 5 year old and work from home, I think you're good to go. ;)

My sis arrives a couple days after my 33rd birthday and is here for a week, so I'm hoping to God I'm done with PT 2 by then!

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and prayers during the fire. As always, I hope wherever you are, that you're safe and have something exciting to look forward to! I think that helps so much.

Roth set a stack of photos beside the prenup she had requested.

“For the newspaper,” he said shortly as he poured himself a glass of wine.

The first photo looked like a painting. Beneath a sky that looked like a bleeding water color, she and Roth faced one another, their faces close, seemingly absorbed in one another. She fanned the pictures out and paused on one of her family surrounding them. For some reason, the photo looked like it had been taken fifty years ago. Maybe it was her sister’s classic outfits, the fact that none of them were smiling, or that her niece and nephew’s attention was elsewhere. The candid shots taken inside their family home after they said their vows were unsettlingly intimate.

“What do you think?”

She looked up to find him watching her from across the island. He wore sweats and a long sleeve shirt that hugged his body a little too well.

“The photographer took a lot of pictures,” she said quietly.

He lined up the photos she had been shuffling around like cards. She didn’t want to see them in their entirety. Just the glimpse she was getting was bad enough. Tuxedo Park as a backdrop turned the photos into something magical. Between the sunset, lake, and autumn setting, everything looked dramatic and romantic. If she hadn’t been there, she would have thought these photos had been doctored or digitally enhanced. The photographer had some shots in black and white. Those seemed the least offensive.

(second half of this scene coming next week!)

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

At around 9:30pm last night, we noticed the back pasture was on fire. I called 911. Thankfully, someone else had already called it in. Firefighters and police were on the way. I ran upstairs and grabbed the suitcases I haven't touched in 2 years and started gathering everything I thought we would need. Cops knocked on the door to make sure we were awake and ready to evacuate if necessary. I ran in and out of the house, loading up 2 cars as the sky turned orange and fire raced across the mountain. The wind was fierce and blowing the fire straight at our neighborhood. I could see the silhouettes of cows trying to escape the blaze. It was horrifying. 

After we finished loading up the cars, we waited, watching the glow brighten as fire crept over the ridge. At 2am, just as I was ready to leave, a bulldozer saved the day, creating a fire wall/trench to stop the fire from coming down any further. I fell into an exhausted, restless sleep and woke to this:

I don't see any flames, which is good, but there's still smoke and we hear the fire still isn't contained in the valley a little ways down from where we are. Helicopters are landing in the pasture right behind our home to refuel. Firetrucks, ambulance, police, and ranchers on ATVs are everywhere. We're still on high alert and may be asked to evacuate at any time. Hopefully, the worst is behind us, but with this wind and how dry it is, we know we have to be ready at a moment's notice. 

I guess it's moments like this that really show you what you're made of. I had no idea how much time we had. I grabbed the essentials while peeking out the back to monitor the fire's progress, loaded up the car, and then went back for the other stuff--hard drives, birth certificate, tax papers, dog food... all the shit you talk about but never know if you'll remember in the moment. I'm so grateful for the advance notice we had. Our neighbor knocked on our door before the cops did and we started making calls to make sure others were awake as well.

I know there are fires in California and Canada and probably a few other places as well. Stay safe everyone! I keep thinking that things can't get any worse, but they really can, and so fucking fast. I'm so grateful that we're okay and that so far, no one's been hurt. We have a fire hydrant across the street from us. I was watching these guys hustle--hopping out of the trucks to fill the tanks and then jumping back in to beat back the fire. I have an all new appreciation for first responders and volunteer firefighters. Seeing those flames grow, hearing that crackle made me sweat. And I will never get annoyed at construction workers again. The guy who drove that bulldozer is a damn hero. I listened to him move what sounded like a mountain of rocks back and forth, back and forth, tirelessly creating a barrier to save our homes. You have no idea how relieved I was to see that scary orange glow get pushed back behind the ridge.

It's been 24 hours and the fire is still ongoing. We still have our bags packed and are ready to go in case it flares up behind our property again. I decided to pop on here while I had a chance and post this week's snippet. I hope you all are doing well. Kelly said in Canada people are evacuating left, right, and center and sent me this emergency evacuation check list that may help someone in future.

I'll be in touch. ❤️

“There was no need to restrain any woman I fucked. They were all too willing.”

He jerked out of the way before she could slam the back of her head against his mouth. She cursed as he gripped her hair and forced her head to the side.

“You don’t know when to stop, do you?” he chided, but he didn’t sound upset. His voice was warm with approval. “You shouldn’t challenge me. It rouses my fighting instincts and we both know I’ll do whatever it takes to win.”

“You—” She stopped abruptly when his teeth clamped on her ear.

When he was certain he had her compliance, he released her and nuzzled her cheek as he husked, “You know I don’t fight fair. Provoke me and I won’t be responsible for what happens.”

“I’m not going to bow down to you,” she hissed.

“I would be disappointed if you did.”

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

I spent this week preparing to delve into PT 2 of Bitter Secrets. I mentioned that PT 1 is about 1/3 of the story and I'll be working on the next 2/3 over the next 2 months. PT 1 was 88k words and I have about 40k words of PT 2, but they're just fragmented scenes and ideas that haven't been nailed down yet. Some of these scenes I wrote two or more years ago. Most of it will be scrapped since things have evolved so far from the initial idea, but we'll see.

I spent 3 days carrying my iPad around like a security blanket, staring off into space as I sketched (what some call outlining or brainstorming) for hours on end. I know how this book ends, I just don't know what happens along the way. There are dozens of scenarios, but you have to pick and choose which situations/events would reveal the most about the characters and propel the story forward. I have a list of things that can happen, but I don't know what will happen until I get to that point. It's kind of like driving a car along a winding road at night. You're driving a little slow because it's unfamiliar territory and you can only see what's directly in front of you. I'm excited and nervous, but happy to be in this portion of the story because it's mostly uncharted and I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

This book is emotionally heavy and strangely complex. The amount of notes I have for it is ridiculous. I keep bouncing between past, present, and future to make sure everything is cohesive. The consensus from the patrons is that Roth is a sociopath. LOL. I, for one, think Roth is more scary than Gavin. Gavin will kill you while Roth will make you watch as he strips you of everything you hold dear. And he'll do it without gloating, without any sign of remorse or triumph. Just... nothing. That's more chilling to me. No one quite knows what to make of his actions--if he's lying or telling the truth, or it's a combination of both. Shrug. Sometimes, even I'm not sure.

We had a nice, two-day celebration for Independence Day with the customary hamburgers and steaks on the grill. I did some end of the month admin stuff and then started making notes on PT 1 for the future rewrite and then turned my attention to daydreaming about PT 2 before I dive in.

Gas here is now $4.52 and diesel is more expensive. (Enter shooketh face here). I live on the Big Island, which means... it's huge. LOL. It takes me about 45 minutes to get to a Target or Costco. My dogs vet is about 35 minutes away. Going to an appointment means you'll be gone at least 2 hours which is why I hate appointments of any kind. Thankfully, my car is pretty economical and since I rarely leave the house, I usually just fill up my car once a month, but for everyone who has to fill up once a week, has a long commute, or owns a gas guzzler... whoa.

I hope you guys are staying cool in this summer heat, that you have something to look forward to, and you're happy with whatever you've got going on. I've been trying to be more positive lately. This is easier to do since I'm off social media, but I consider myself a realist, which means I prepare for the worst. Sigh. I'm trying to be more of a Pollyanna. It's not easy, but I think I'm making progress!

I spent the month of June revising PT 1 of Bitter Secrets for my patrons on Patreon. I've never shown anyone raw drafts of my work before. Authors don't do this for good reason, but I decided to do it because:

Roth and Jasmine's first month together was the same length as Bitter Heat at 88k words and I still had 11 more months to cover. If I wrote this book to the extent that my muse wanted me to, this thing was going to be another Harry Potter length book. I had no idea if anyone would be interested in something of that length. Most romances have a man and woman meet for the first time and married within 60k words so... what the hell am I doing?

I decided to do the unthinkable and show a raw draft to my patrons. Most authors write a "thin" first draft. This means they write as quickly as possible to get the story on the page before they lose hold of their vision/inspiration. It's a barebones draft with no frills. In their second draft, they'll breathe life into the story, and then they'll do a final polish. I used to write like this, but my process has changed. Now, I throw everything into the first draft. Every chapter builds upon the next, so a barebones draft won't do. The foundation has to be rock solid. I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the first half, which is why I felt comfortable sharing it. It was more of a finished draft than what I usually have at this point in my process. In my second draft, I usually strip away and refine, and then I do a final polish.

I thought posting the raw draft would be a breeze. After all, I mentioned many times it was "raw and unedited," which meant it didn't have to be perfect. But, I forgot how messy first drafts are and how long it takes to do rewrites, especially on something this long. PT 1 has 13 chapters, while Bitter Heat has 21. The reason for this is, you're following the characters so closely that there are no breaks in scenes. That means everything needs to be seamless--tone, thought process of the character, and action. Moreover, in chapters this long, you want to make sure there's no lag. Everything has to be in sync. It was a bitch. I thought I would be able to rush ahead and pre-schedule chapters, but I was scrambling until the last day of the month.

Although this was a very nerve-racking experience, I’m glad I did it. Authors usually don't get to see people reacting chapter by chapter, they just hear the summary at the end. I really thought there would be a consensus, that the majority would lean in one direction, but I was wrong. Everyone interpreted the dialogue, actions, and circumstances differently. This experience only reinforced that I should always listen to my muse. She knows what she's doing even though I don't. LOL. I'm happy to say that I'm going to follow through with my original plan and just write the story as I intended, no matter how long it is. Those who enjoy a slow burn and want to know every facet of these characters will get their wish.

Onto PT 2!!

“I’ve never left a meeting before,” he said as his lips cruised over her skin. “People panicked. The seller thought I was backing out of the deal. I told him my wife needed me. You need me, don’t you, Jasmine?”

“I’ve never needed you,” she spat and smacked his shoulder as he lapped up water on her collarbone. “Cut it out, Roth!”

“Five years ago, you flew here to surprise me.”

He caught her hand before it collided with his face. He raised his head and took in her flushed cheeks and mortified gaze.

“Do you know how many times over the years I wished I’d be called out of a meeting because my wife wanted to be with me?”

Her heart stuttered. “That was a long time ago.”

“Yet, here you are.” Dark eyes moved over her body. “I realized business can wait, and I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

Two guesses what that was. She bared her teeth. “Not without my permission.”

“No?”

Draft of Bitter Secrets © 2021 Mia Knight

I spent the month of June revising PT 1 of Bitter Secrets and posting the raw draft on Patreon. PT 1 is 88k words (Bitter Heat was 90k words). I would consider PT 1 the first third of the book. I still have 2/3 to go. For most, 88k words would be a full-length novel, but for me, it's just the foundation as they go through their first month of marriage.

This couple is one of the most fascinating I've ever written. They're incredibly complex, as is the world they inhabit. There's so many politics and unknowns and even while it frustrates, it also excites and makes me ponder things I never would have otherwise. I've always loved the arranged marriage/marriage of convenience trope, but I've never seen anyone explore the psychological side of what such an arrangement would do to you long-term, especially if that person you're tethered to is James Roth. This is such a unique set of circumstances. I don't want to nix any ideas until I've fully explored each one of them.

I warned my patrons that I'm blocking off July and August to finish the last two thirds. I hope I don't go beyond that. I could finish sooner, but it's like I'm writing two more full-length novels. I have no idea what the final word count will be. I'm estimating it will be around 250k. We'll see.

I know that people are upset about the delay, but I don't believe in shortchanging a story just to put out something to pacify the crowd. In this wild, chaotic world that we live in, this is the one thing that is truly my own. These stories will live beyond me. Hopefully, a century after I'm gone, these books will still be circulating. I want them to resonate with people, not just be lost in the sea of books. I want to do my best, which means exploring these concepts and characters to the hilt. There are hundreds of thousands of authors who are much better than me who are on social media posting ads and doing everything they can to get your attention. I'm sure their books will make your heart sing. It's a waste of your time being upset that some author is taking forever with a book. Seriously.

For those who are sweet, supportive, patient, and understand that good work takes time, I love you from the bottom of my dark heart. LOL. I'm not sure if I'll post weekly since my very innocent updates seem to agitate people so much. We'll see. Also, as I go deep into PT 2, doing a blog may be super distracting, but we'll see.

For those who've asked, my dog is doing better (he slipped a disc and the vet thought he might become paralyzed). He isn't 100%. I would say 75%? He can walk, but he's still really wobbly and I can tell he tires easily. It's been about 7 weeks. I'm not sure if he'll ever go back to the way he used to be, but I'm happy he's mobile so thanks for all the well wishes!

This week it's been very hot, but almost every afternoon, it rains, which I love. I know there's been some crazy high temperatures across the US and even Canada. Stay cool and safe! My sister who is still in Vegas has been reporting on temps that they usually see in August happening in May and June. Everything is so out of whack.

I spent June editing, so I am so excited to get back into the book and go back to writing! I will keep you all posted, of course! Have a great week!