Radine Trees Nehring's Blog, page 8

I recently had a back-and-forth e-mail conversation with a good Internet friend, author Jenny Milchman.  We were talking about our friends–the ones we’d never seen in person, and the ones we had actually been able to reach out and hug.  In one message Jenny said something like this:  “Good friends are the ones we can eat cake with and we don’t mind if frosting gets on our nose.”

Oh wow, did that get me thinking.

I have heard myself speaking fairly frequently about someone I call “My good friend —————.”  Then I stop, smile to myself, and realize I have never met this person–anywhere but on the Internet, that is.  I participate on several lists geared to mystery fans and writers (mystery writing being my field) and conversations both off and on list develop there. I am a member of several Facebook groups and meet people there.  I meet people on blogs, both mine and theirs.  I read books, and get to know the authors through their writing and by seeing their websites and making other Internet connections with them. And I call these people “my good friends. “   We communicate in cyberspace, “meet” on lists, on my Facebook page, through blog comments.

Last weekend my husband and I participated in what is probably the mid-USA’s largest writer’s conference, the Oklahoma Writers’ Federation Conference held every May in Oklahoma City.  OWFI draws writers from many states in the south and central area–and a few outside here, with New York and California being primary on that list.  There are several tracks of talks and panels over two and a half days, plus a number of “extra pay” special sessions.  The talks I chose to attend were very helpful. Yes. And they were one relatively small reason I went.

What else is there?

SPENDING TIME WITH A LARGE NUMBER OF WRITING FRIENDS WHO CAN SEE ME WITH FROSTING ON MY NOSE!

I had the terrific experience of sitting down with four other writers I’ve known for a while to enjoy both casual and heart-to-heart chats.  I met new people.  During breakfast I sat at round tables on three different mornings and enjoyed (mostly) listening to the chatter. (Embassy Suites was host hotel–terrific breakfasts.)    I could hug and be hugged.  None of this virtual stuff.  I have met and chatted with many of these people on line, but, when I do, I hear their voices, I see them in 3-D and  living color. In most cases, we have actually touched hands!

Facebook?  No.  Meeting there tends to be impersonal, posts are often stating the poster’s personal agenda.  I have read communications on my wall that run a range from  “We had pizza for dinner–yum,” to sharp political and religious rants.  Sure, that’s far from all, and communication on Facebook can be good and helpful, but, for me at least, much of the time it remains impersonal, separate from real human communication.

E-mail is better.  At least that’s one-on-one, relatively private, and can ramble like real conversation does.

Recently our great-nephew, who’s graduating from high school with honors this weekend, corresponded with me. He sent me a letter.  Oh yes, I can see bits from his multitude of Facebook communications every day, and I see him in person a couple of times a year.  But this time, oh my goodness, an envelope came in the mail.  Envelope with a stamp, an address written in ink. And inside–THE LETTER.  A real ink on paper hand-written letter.  Not even written on a computer and printed out.  (I wonder if I shouldn’t take it to my safe-deposit box in the bank.  I think you all understand what an incredibly rare thing it may be, and how valued by one honored aunt.)

As for you and me?  Well, here we are in cyberspace.  Oh how I wish you could see me with frosting on my nose!

Your friend,  Radine

http://www.RadinesBooks.com

Hap Meredith and John Nehring were on a panel “Living With An Author”  (Is it THAT bad guys?)

Welcome to my honored guest blogger,  F. M. Meredith, aka Marilyn Meredith.  When it comes to talking about conferences and conventions,  she knows whereof she speaks!  Here’s Marilyn:

“There are a multitude of reasons for attending a mystery conference or convention,  and many of them to choose from.  I’ll tell you about both and what has turned out to be the most satisfying part of going to them for me.

“Bouchercn in Milwaukee was my first experience with this great and huge mystery convention.  I didn’t know many people who attended though I certainly recognized the big name authors,  some from photos on book covers, others from their name tags.  One of the booksellers was willing to sell my books that I hauled with me, taking such a big percent I made nothing.  Didn’t make much difference,  I think only two or three of the books were purchased.

“There were so many exciting sounding panels it was hard to choose which ones to attend,  but I filled my days with them.  Hubby had a great time going to the Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Museum and a brewery.

“My first Left Coast Crime was in Monterey.  This time hubby stayed home,  but several of the women from the San Joaquin chapter of Sisters in Crime attended.  Besides them,  I actually ran into some of the people I’d met at that first Bouchercon.  I also met more writers that I admired.  I was on a panel, but had no books to sell.

“I don’t really know what came next because I went to all sorts of conventions and conferences after that,  including some that no longer exist.  Among them,  Mayhem in the Midlands, which was one both hubby and I looked forward to every year.  We made friends with lots of readers,  people who lived in Omaha where the conference was held,  and fellow writers.  Though some big name writers attended this conference  more midlist writers came.  Among them were Radine Trees Nehring (whose blog I’m visiting today) and her husband,  John.

“Over the years, we looked forward to spending time with the Nehrings,  sharing at least one meal with them,  and visiting about writing,  promotion,  and living in general.  Sometimes we were fortunate to see them at more than one conference during the years.  We truly formed a bond with them both,  something that would have never happened if we hadn’t gone to all these mystery events.

“Being a writer can get lonely at times.  Of course the Internet has helped authors and readers connect with one another,  but it’s not the same as sitting down and having a conversation with someone and getting to know them.  And that’s what you can do at a mystery conference or convention.

“Over the years, I’ve met so many wonderful people,  some readers of mysteries and of course writers of mysteries.  Now when I go to a convention or conference,  it makes me feel like I’m attending a reunion of old friends.  Sure I’m going to promote my latest book by handing out cards,  hopefully getting to be on a panel,  and having the book available in the convention or conference book store.  The best part though,  will be connecting with all the wonderful people that I’ve met over the years.

“The book I’m promoting right now is the latest in the Rocky Bluff P.D. series, No Bells.

“Officer Gordon Butler has finally found the love he’s been seeking for a long time, but there’s one big problem,  she’s the major suspect in a murder case.”

Bio:

F. M. Meredith,  also known as Marilyn Meredith,  is the author of over thirty published novels–and a few that will never see print.  Her latest in the Rocky Bluff  P. D.  crime series from Oak Tree Press,  is No Bells.  Rocky Bluff is a fictional beach community between Ventura and Santa Barbara and F. M. once lived in a similar beach area.

F. M. (Marilyn) is a member of EPIC,  Four chapters of Sisters in Crime,  Mystery Writers of America,  and serves as the program chair for the Public Safety Writers of America’s writing conference.  She’s been an instructor at many writing conferences.

Visit her at http://fictionforyou.com and her blog at http://marilynmeredith.blogspot.com

CONTEST:  The person who comments on the most blogs on my tour will win three books in the Rocky Bluff P.D. series:  No Sanctuary,  An Axe to Grind,  and Angel lost.   Be sure and leave your email too,  so I can contact you.

———————————

Yes’m!  Conventions and Conferences are great — especially if Hap and Marilyn are there!!!

Thanks for coming to my blog,  Marilyn.  At least we can meet this way.  And,  sorry, our feeble Internet service wouldn’t let that “terrific” photo of the Merediths and Nehrings upload.  (We really tried and are planning now to take the laptop to a wifi place and see if we can add it that way–maybe separately.  Readers here may need to go to another blog post to find it! )  Maybe by next time we’ll have better Internet service at our home.

Sending a hug to both you and Hap.     Your grateful friend,  Radine

Some time ago I was talking on the phone with a man in Wichita Kansas I had never met.  After a few minutes of business conversation, he said: “It’s easy to tell you’re an Ozarks native.”

We hadn’t been talking about anything to do with Arkansas (where I live) or the Ozarks, so I said, “How? Just from the way I talk?”

“Yes, of course,” he told me. “I grew up in Fayetteville,”  (about 35 miles from our home) “so I recognize Ozarks speech.”

I didn’t tell him I had only lived in the Ozarks a few years.  However!!  I have come to think of myself as an honorary hillbilly, and that title ranks right up there with university degrees or other titles and awards.  (See the chapter “Hillbilly Hearts” in my book, DEAR EARTH: A Love Letter from Spring Hollow.)

I suppose the title “Hillbilly” could define a place of birth, maybe an occupation, creative ability, music preference, family connections.  But it is also a state of mind. To me, it’s practical use of intelligence and inventiveness.  It’s family devotion. It’s appreciation of values above the merely material. It’s awareness of things going on, especially in our more untouched areas,  that–dare I say it–the outside world often isn’t aware of.  And it’s magic.

I’m guessing most of you do not live in the Ozarks, and, when you think of a hillbilly you … well, you know what you think. However, as I believe you guess from what I said above, I don’t want you to let the stereotype fool you.  (I have some experience in this matter.)  So, how would you like to be an honorary hillbilly?

The first step comes from using our senses. You can do that anywhere, but it’s not as easy in non-hillbilly places. Walk in the Ozarks woods. What do you hear, see, smell? When you touch something, what does it feel like? Tree bark? A rock? Smooth? jagged? Broken? Sharp? Let your fingers run over the rock while you sit on a log or a bigger rock or, if you prefer, just stand still and wait to sense the world around you. This sounds quite simple, but in today’s world, it too often isn’t. Be quiet, really quiet.

Have you noticed how many people today can’t seem to be quiet? Something has to be going on all the time, fingers moving, screens flashing, feet jiggling. It’s becoming quite noticeable, and the fairly new term “nature deficit” is one you may have heard. Instead of quiet, something has to be going on all the time.

So, try this honorary hillbilly gig. Forget “civilized” society, and, if you can’t find woods, stand by a tree, on grass, and put your hand on the tree’s trunk. This is a good step toward becoming  an honorary hillbilly.

There is a verse in the Bible in First Samuel where Abigail says to David:  “The soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the Lord thy God.”  I like the term “bundle of life.” I suspect that what Ozarkers and visitors to the Ozarks feel and experience here is bound up in the bundle of life as it has happened here for a very long time.  As we listen, observe, feel, we’re bound in the beautiful experience of our Ozarks.

What you will see in hillbilly woods is not a world corner-squared and organized. It isn’t even, like many northern forested areas, pine-needle cushioned, pillered with tall trunks, and open for walking. It is not defined by the words lush or soft or easy.  If you aren’t on an established path you’re likely to be caught by brambles, stumble over rocks, and get poked by branches. It’s a tough landscape, rocky, irregular, bumpy, scratchy. The soil is shallow, especially where forests have been cut, so things have to work hard to live in the country here, people included.  The term “lazy hillbilly” has to be one of the most inexplicable denominations in the English language.

Well, I’ll stop my rant here.  But I would love to have you in my group of honorary hillbillies. The benefits are all yours!

Learn more about the Ozarks by reading any of the books shown at http://www.RadinesBooks.com

I’m reading a delightful mystery novel right now (NO BELLS, by Marilyn Meredith) and, because of rather unique circumstances, am experiencing a “hiccup” every time one character’s name is mentioned–which comes up frequently.

First, let me explain that it is the practice of many authors to honor people by giving book characters a real person’s name.  This can be an individual decision by the author (with permission from the “namee,” ) or, frequently, the right to have a book character named after yourself or someone you want to honor is auctioned at writers’ conferences to raise money for a cause related to writing and reading.

So, finding real names in books is not uncommon, even when the book is not a historical novel or a biography of some “worthy” person, past or present.

So, why the hiccups?  Because I KNOW the real, living,  (delightful) person so honored in this book.  It’s never happened before in any work of fiction I’ve read, but, every time the name comes up, I see and hear the person I know, not the book character. It is a unique, and somewhat bizarre reaction on my part, and, to some degree, it interrupts my involvement in the story .

Odd, because one thing I love most about this on-going series set within the lives of various members of a police department is my belief, while reading, that these are all very real people, living real lives, and I am privileged to be hiding (a fly on the wall) to know their thoughts and actions.  In other words, this is one of my favorite novel series, ever.

That said, have I ever used real people in my own books?  Yup, I sure have.  Twice I’ve used people who actually played the parts in novels that they play in real life.  One was a ranger who was very much involved in helping me develop the setting and plot of A RIVER TO DIE FOR, a story that takes place mostly in the caves and abandoned mines at Buffalo National River in Arkansas.  It turned out to be challenging to write him into the story.  Though he was eager to be part of this work of fiction,  I didn’t want to “make” him do anything he might not do in real life.  Truth be told, I didn’t want to upset either this man or his bosses.  Everything came out okay, but it was a challenge I wouldn’t repeat.

In JOURNEY TO DIE FOR, I used Chuck Dovish, host of a popular PBS program called “Exploring Arkansas” as part of the story, filming a ride on a restored 1920′s passenger train as Chuck has actually done more than once for his program.  In this case I had no problem because Chuck simply did in the novel exactly what he does for AETN.  And, when Carrie McCrite, Henry King, and their friends view the resulting program in the story, they discover a valuable clue to a murder that occurs following their ride on this (real) train.  It was great fun all around.

99% of the people reading either of these novels wouldn’t know the real people taking part, so I assume no problem. If they do know them, since both are really doing what they would do or actually do in real life, I suppose it isn’t distracting.  (But I don’t know this for certain.)

In my latest novel (A FAIR TO DIE FOR, to be released by Oak Tree Press later this spring), I again use the names of two real people as a big part of the story.  One, Carrie’s mysterious cousin, Edith Embler (“Edie”) is named in honor of the real person by the same name who was a reviewer for “I Love A Mystery” review site, and became a real-life friend of mine when she and her husband came to Arkansas to visit the locations where my novels are set.  I enjoyed my time with this delightful couple. Edie passed on shortly after their visit, and I, along with other writers who knew her, promised to honor her by naming a book character after her.  I have done that in this story.  The second real person, who has been a frequent poster to the mystery fan site, DorothyL, is John Bohnert, who, among other things, often told DorothyL members what delicious-sounding meals he was cooking.  I don’t know John face-to-face  as I came to know Edie, but he is definitely a real person, and appears in A FAIR TO DIE FOR as famous Chef John Bohnert from Grass Valley, California.

In spite of what I’ve just written, I don’t often have any problem with confronting real names in fiction, mostly–as I have discovered–because I don’t really know them and can’t picture a real person owning the name.  In the case of the character in NO BELLS, I’ll gladly put up with it because I know the name honors a friend of the author’s, and of mine!

My goodness, but published authors do get asked a lot of questions. (Probably some unpublished authors do too, though no one asked me questions–at least not about writing–in my pre-pub days.)  But, are we really THAT interesting, once we have had a book published?

I suspect those wanting answers to various questions (1) think writers are rather, um, ‘peculiar,’ and they’re curious about what makes us tick. (2) They are authors themselves and want to know what ways other authors are using their talents and operating their business that may be different from their own. (I admit to this interest.)  (3) They like a “this is your life” sort of exposé about anyone, or (4) they’re always eager for something new to gossip about, and writers (being peculiar, you know,) are great sources for gossip.

I’ve recently been given lists of questions by several sources–blog hosts, magazine editors, and so on.  Fortunately I have always thought answering questions was fun (I love responding to surveys), so filling in the blanks is never annoying or boring. I labor away, trying to make my replies sound like good sense.

Most recently, Anne K Albert asked me a bunch of questions (some of them could have led to embarrassing answers, I admit) and I willingly answered all of them. Some, not all appear on her blog this week (http://anne-k-albert.blogspot.com) but I willingly fill in now a couple of the answers that were left out for lack of space.  (I do tend to be wordy, Internet or not! Probably one reason I’ve never been a tweeter, though it might be good training!)

Here goes:

Question:  What activity (cause, charity, or organization) consumes your time when you’re away from the keyboard?

Answer:  I am active in my church, but, in addition, I currently serve as mentor for several beginning writers. That doesn’t mean I’m an editor. I chat with them on line, meet with them, praise the talent I see and the value of their work, talk to them about promotion, give them guides to possible publishers, encourage them to keep going–that sort of thing.  I had someone to cheer me on when I was writing my first book, and I know how much it meant to me. I might never have been published if it hadn’t been for Peggy Fielding of  Tulsa, OK, (where I lived at the time).

Question:  Have you ever experienced writer’s block?

Answer (expanding on what I told Anne):  It may seem dumb, but, as much as I see it discussed, I’ve never been truly sure what writer’s block is or how it manifests itself.   Does anyone reading this have a definition? Please share!

Does it mean you can’t think of an idea for starting a writing project?  If so, the answer to that in my case is no, I never have, not yet, at least. Ideas are always buzzing around inside my head,  and I have more trouble deciding what or which than I have ever had looking for an idea and coming up blank.   Problem is, with so many ideas coming along, I tend to appear distracted or uninterested in what people around me are saying or doing at the moment.  (I might be rude, but never blocked!)

OR . . . does it mean being stumped in the middle of an article or story about what to do next?  (Someone said the answer to that for mystery writers was simply to kill someone else.)   Though I don’t outline, and discover my stories as I write (as accomplished and prolific author Carolyn Hart once said about her work), I begin each writing session without ever feeling I am going to have trouble putting down what happens next. Honestly folks, the ideas just show up. But then, I have always had an overly lively imagination. Of course sometimes ideas don’t work, but it only takes a page or two for me to realize I’m off track. I have tremendous fun finding out what Carrie McCrite, Henry King, Shirley Booth, and all the rest are going to experience next!

And, that’s all for this week, folks. Do see the other answers at http://anne-k-albert.blogspot.com

http://www.RadinesBooks.com

You’ve probably noticed that, in my previous post about being a success I said nothing about money.  I suppose many–maybe most–folks consider making money a mark of success.  How do you think about that?  If money doesn’t buy happiness, (you must have heard this as often as I have) then do you consider being happy a measure of success?  Maybe I should have changed the saying to:  “Wealth doesn’t buy happiness.”  Vast difference, I think, between having money and having wealth,  between having enough to eat and dining richly on white linen tablecloths.

But we all agree, however we measure success, that we’d like having some, right?  I recently read a magazine article that had suggestions about gaining success.  It quoted Walter Isaacson’s biography of Steve Jobs who, in turn, had quoted something Jobs said when he was young: “The journey is the reward.”  Jobs went on to say “I did learn some things along the way . . . I really did.”

So, what did I learn from the article?  There were four major categories.  The first category was VISION.  That’s the ability (article author Barbara Vining says),  to see possibilities beyond what has yet been imagined, and to translate that vision into concrete accomplishment.  She says anyone can cultivate this ability.  So, like it or not, I’m betting (and Vining is affirming) that you already have vision, even though you may have to dig deep inside to find it.  Take a quiet moment and think about that.

Second, Vining lists FOCUS as important in achieving success.  “Keeping both the overall goal and the specific task at hand clearly in view enables one to say ‘No!’ to mental and physical distractions, to taking on responsibilities that others can do, and to giving in to unhealthy tendencies.”  (Got that message?  I sure do.  Follow it always?  Well, I sure try.)

Third: COURAGE.  Oh boy, I get that, and I bet you do, too. “Try, try, try again.”  I haven’t a clue where I first heard that. Probably it was a message I heard repeated in childhood.  But gee, it popped into my head now as a mature adult when I thought of using courage on the road to success.  Have the courage to believe in yourself and keep trying.

(What cheer leading messages can you add to help us all along the way to success?)

Fourth: PERSISTENCE.  Well, that makes sense, and repeats the message “Never give up.”  Vining reminds us that Thomas Edison experimented over a hundred times before he succeeded in producing the incandescent light bulb.

Sometimes friends or family members, knowing your goals, will help you in the persistence thing, even if just by asking frequently how things are coming along until you want to swat them.  But still you push ahead so, eventually, you can tell them about your success,  large or small.

If you are a God-leaning person (or rely on an ultimate and beneficent force or power you call by another name) then you have a very strong partner on your journey to success–and you already know that.

However you define success, you gotta admit it’s a topic worth pondering.

http://www.RadinesBooks.comS

The answer to the question posed above depends, of course, on how you view success, so, shall we think about that for a moment?  I’m a professional writer (meaning I work at this job full-time and more), so, what spells success for me?  All would probably say getting my work published, and I would say it too, though today there is kind of a wavy line around that definition of success.  Why? Because it is incredibly easy for writers to self-publish in many forms today. So, does having a 99 cent e-book you self-published give you a feeling of success?  Yes?  No?

See what I mean about how we view success for ourselves? And, by extension, how we view success for others–in other words, do we aspire to what they have achieved? Are we, perhaps, jealous of their “success?”  This type of evaluation applies in any any aspect of life and to any profession.  (In other words:  not only “Does that author sell more books and get more awards than I do?” but, “Does the guy with the hot dog wagon in the next block sell more dogs than I do and, if so, why?”  OR, “Are that broker’s clients gaining more than mine?”)

One of the things I stress when speaking about or teaching aspects of the writing profession is that a most important first step is knowing ourselves,  how we view success, and how diligently we are willing to work for it.  How do we picture ourselves as authors?  If your creative self simply wants to get words out of your head and on paper or a computer screen, then your definition of success is easy.  Finish a poem, an essay, an article, or a book to your satisfaction, and you have succeeded!

But then–who’s going to read your beautiful words?  I don’t think any writer can help going one step further by yearning for readers.  If you enter the path toward acquiring multiple readers, are you first willing to have a competent editor read your work and make suggestions for improvements and corrections?  (Does this horrify you? “It’s perfect NOW?”  Ooops!)

Are you familiar with all the possible avenues to publishing–from Random House to an Internet-attached computer in Granny’s second bedroom?  Do you understand the probabilities, complications, and necessary steps to achieve any type of publication?  Yes, it can be a long learning curve, just as learning any profession demands. Are you ready for that?

Many writers are still startled today when they learn–whether they aspire to Random House or GrannyPubCo, or something in between–that much of the promotion work for their product (the written piece) is going to be in their job description, and much of that will be on the Internet.  (Ugh, records to keep,  media contacts to be made, Internet intricacies to understand, and on and on.)  How to start? Are you ready for this?

Do you like people? Are you comfortable reaching out, helping others, commenting (positively) on their work, going to events where people in your profession gather, listening, asking questions?  Months and years of such up front activity reaps huge benefits.  Life itself gives us the opportunities in many cases. Can you look back and see how your own activities in the past can work for you today?  Do you see how moving among the human throng over past years can now be seen as steps toward success in your profession?  From today forward we must begin (or continue) noticing others, their successes and problems. We will reach out, touch them in some way. That’s a huge step toward success, I believe.  What do you think?

More on SUCCESS next week.  See you back here then.   Radine

http://www.RadinesBooks.com

I admit it.  I’m a romantic dreamer.  In fact, that’s probably why I’m a writer. I can imagine all sorts of stories. I loved romantic dreaming when I was a teenager, and the title of this blog comes from a song popular then.  All I remember is how it started, “Be my life companion and you’ll never grow old.

(Never grow old? Young-uns today probably don’t realize yet that, whether we’re 26 or 76; inside, we’re still the same.)

My husband and I have been married for a good many years and have always enjoyed being companions. We love doing projects together. For a very long time that project was creating a homestead in the Arkansas Ozarks. We  bought our land ten years before we moved here full-time, and our first job was making a clearing in the forest to build a weekend cabin. We bought two chain saws and got to work. On weekends and during vacation time we cut down trees, large and small and cut out underbrush. I learned to use a come-along (helps guides trees in a proper fall) while my husband chewed through trunks with the big gasoline powered saw. Then it was my job to cut logs to firewood size. For that, I had a smaller electric saw.  We also bought a wood splitter and worked as a team when we operated that.

We built our cabin by ourselves for the most part.  Wonderful companionship, and we were both doing jobs that were really important. We were a team.  It was hard work, but I’ve never been happier.

After we moved here full time our work split.  First, John and friends went to work expanding the cabin into a larger home.  I was the gofer, but, otherwise, there was no part for me. Honestly?  I was unhappy most of the time. No more shared chores or companionship. John was even busy in the  evenings.  Supplies had to be planned and ordered, work schedules figured.  One good thing. I began writing during that time, and sold articles and essays about the Ozarks to magazines and newspapers.

After the house was finished, our life still split during week days, as is common to most couples.   John worked in town at various jobs, I did house cleaning for others as well as at home, and continued my non-fiction writing.  Retirement?  Though we were certainly at an age when some contemplate that, it wasn’t in the cards for us.  Besides . . . wouldn’t we be bored?

On weekends we worked outside most of the year. I had a huge vegetable garden, John took care of mowing. We both tended to necessary upkeep around our 23 acres. Time passed.

When my fiction writing career took off, our work split again. Outside chores were reduced to the nearest possible minimum, my vegetable garden was abandoned.  John, who had been “retired” from the bookkeeping job in town and replaced by a much younger female, now helped me with record keeping for my work as a writer.  We each spent days in our separate home offices.

Then, interest was shown in a quirky cookbook featuring recipes used by the definitely peculiar cooks, Carrie McCrite and Henry King, who star in my “Something to die for” mystery series.  John volunteered to prepare that cookbook.  Now, we’re back to companionable activity in a big way. We pour over recipes, compare, organize.

And we cook!  Every day one new item is tested.  We read recipes, discuss possible alterations,  grocery shop, come home to chop, mix, and cook. We’re a kitchen team, with John as chef and Radine as assistant.  Talk about companionship!  I recommend it.  You never know where your life will go!

When my husband and I were first married, he was expected to attend a national business convention in his field each January, and since these were held in interesting places like Miami, Las Vegas, and New Orleans,  I took my own vacation from work at the same time and went along.

This was back in olden times when business heads were male, therefore convention planners organized day-long events for wives who had come. I  can’t remember what was planned for the women, because I never attended. Though I wasn’t really involved in my husband’s business, I went to the men’s meetings as an observer, sitting silently in the back of enormous meeting rooms full of suits.

Of course there were the usual strategy speakers, discussions of advertising campaigns, and so on, and many were interesting.  But you know what I remember best? The comradery.

During breaks those guys, whether they’d met before or not, greeted, slapped backs, smiled, laughed, joked, and even had semi-serious discussions. No one was a stranger.  Passersby were invited in shouts to come join a group, offer ideas, tell a joke. I stood in corners and watched. It looked like loads of fun.

“It’s a guy thing,” I thought.

Many years later I attended a convention of my own. It was Bouchercon in Austin, Texas, 2002, and I was a newly published mystery author.  This was even bigger than my husband’s long-ago business conventions, and, unexpectedly, I felt bewildered and overwhelmed.  Everyone but me seemed to know a lot of people, and also know exactly where to go and why. A majority of the attendees this time were female, but I was still the observer, watching groups of women I didn’t know chatting, laughing, telling jokes, and having semi-serious business discussions. I walked up to a few groups, got smiles, but stood back as the conversations continued.  What was wrong here?

Was it me? Was I destined to be the always outsider?

At that Bouchercon, yes, I was. I was an introvert, uncertain of protocol. I had no mental guidelines based on previous contacts. In other words, I hadn’t a clue how to be a part of all this comradery!

Did this ever change?  You bet, because I did! At smaller conferences and conventions in my area, I learned.  I swallowed my hesitation, gulped, joined chatting groups, listened, and even dared ask questions or offer ideas.  In no time at all, I was a part of what was happening. I was an “insider.”

Since that time I’ve been to dozens of relatively small writer’s conferences (for learning), and conventions (learning and bookselling to fans), in the central United States where I live. I’ve spoken or appeared on panels at a majority of them. And I’ve loved enjoying sisterhood and brotherhood connections at all of them.  I’ve learned I can go up to folks I’ve never seen in my life and begin a conversation.  I can also have normal conversations (!) with those deemed most famous and favored in my profession without a single blush or hesitation.  At these events, we’re all real folks. We understand each other, and 99% of us are willing to extend a hand offering friendship and help to fellow attendees.

I love it!

In recent years I’ve attended three of the largest writer’s conventions in the world:  Malice Domestic in the Washington, D.C. area, Left Coast Crime when it visited El Paso, and, recently, Bouchercon in St. Louis.

The 2011 St. Louis Bouchercon was huge. Big, rabbit-warren of a hotel, meetings and panels on two floors, other events and conversations  scattered everywhere.  I had a wonderful time, (whether I got lost in the crowds or not),  and would go again in a heartbeat.

What brought me into full-time participation?  Simply understanding that, at these events, no one needs to play the part of a stranger.  If I want to confine myself to the position of observer, I can. But, introvert or not, I now leap into the river of humanity and swim as part of the whole school.  I act like a comrade, therefore I AM ONE, giving and receiving.  And I love it!

Meet me at a conference, or at http://www.RadinesBooks.com