Cathy Lamb's Blog, page 3

This weekend I told Innocent Husband that I needed to go to the store to buy more flowers. Specifically, petunias.He was aghast. Aghast!He spread his arms out wide like an avenging eagle and indicated the new flowers surrounding us in their black plastic containers.“What do you need MORE flowers for, Cathy?”I could hardly believe my ears. I was befuddled. Baffled. What did he mean when he said, “What do you need MORE flowers for?”That’s like asking me why I need air. Or a skeletal frame. Or cells. Or eyeballs or kidneys. “I don’t understand your question.”“You haven’t even planted the flowers that you already bought!” The husband – avenging eagle spread his arms out further. What was he trying to do? Fly away? Elevate himself? Become a human airplane? Silly man.This conversation was confusing to me so I glared at him. Yes, I had bought purple and magenta hydrangeas and a flowing fern and bright red, cheerful geraniums and purple fuchsias and an azalea that called my name in a sing-song voice. They had not been planted yet.Why was this an issue?Why was Innocent Husband botanically bullying me? Why was he speaking such nonsense?“As a gardener, you don’t need to plant all the flowers you’ve bought before you buy new ones.”Doesn’t everyone know this? Isn’t it common knowledge? “Are you feeling crazy, baby?”Innocent Husband sighed which indicated that he did not believe he was feeling crazy.I believed there was a possibility. Why on Earth would a sane husband ask such an inane question of his wife?I shook my head at him, the poor man. “The sun is effecting your ability to think. You should go lay down or watch golf and yell at golfballs.”“I don’t yell at golf balls,” he muttered.“Yeah, you do. I’ve seen it.”Click on the link to read my FREE article on Substack.https://cathylamb.substack.com/p/innocent-husband-was-mean-to-me?r=kayfq

Hello everyone,I am writing, now and then, when I see a hummingbird, when the stars are aligned in a mermaid shape, when the rain is sparkling, a newsletter on Substack.I talk about writing, life, and laughter.If you would like to sign up to receive my (rare) newsletters, you can click on this link. Have a lovely day.https://cathylamb.substack.com/

Warning: You may not like me by the end of this article.

I am asked all the time where I get my ideas for my books.

I think it’s an excellent question.

I get ideas everywhere. My quirky childhood. History. A gold and pink sunset on the Oregon coast. Clucky chickens. Pecan pies and whip cream.

Lies.

Revenge.

Vindictiveness.

It is probably not a smart idea to say that I have a slight vengeful side to my nature, as that is not attractive, but I am too old not to be truthful, and to know myself, and I admit it.

Not proud of it, but there it is: I have a vengeful bone in my body.

Probably just one. A small one. A mostly useless bone. Perhaps in my jaw or eye socket.

But when people really tick me off there is a likelihood that the obnoxious, condescending, dismissive, or judgmental PART of their personality is going to unceremoniously land in a character in one of my books.

That person will not, as a whole person, or even half a person, be in my book. My characters come completely out of my free-roaming imagination.

But that prickly, nauseating, dislikable PART will be in one of my characters.

I did this very thing in one of my last few books, the title of which shall mysteriously go unnamed.

A peculiar, sanctimonious sap of a woman lied about me. She should not have done that. The lie had a painful impact on my life.

I have envisioned her being slightly trampled by a shrieking ostrich. I cannot wish more upon her than that because I am not a mean sort of person who wishes ill on anyone.

God, Karma, a conscience that can spring to guilt in a mini-second, and my late mother’s sweet voice unfortunately gets in my way of truly cursing someone.

But I can write about that PART of her. The lying part.

To read more, please go to my Subtack newsletter…

https://shorturl.at/CXtXi

I am writing a Substack column titled “Vindictiveness.”

As you can see, my advisor is with me. Unfortunately I made the mistake of touching one of my advisor’s paws. So he bit me. Advisors shouldn’t bite. It’s not polite.

I informed my advisor of this but he seemed unmoved and gave me this cold look. He’s a rescue and still working on his manners. Ironically, the biting actually goes along quite well with my column.

Perhaps my advisor was feeling vindictive. Have a nice day.

Well I have my edits back for my 2025 Christmas book.

I think I may need to get out a little Christmas tree and play Christmas music to get in the writing mood. I suppose Christmas in February works.

Sort of. A little…

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I’m sick so I’ll be celebrating Valentine’s Day by watching some really ridiculous reality TV with Innocent Husband and the bad cats. Hopefully he will remember to buy me a little cake.

I’ll tell him now not to forget, just to be sure…

Do you think it’s odd that I ask my cats about their opinions on the stories I’m writing and what the characters are doing?I don’t either.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

If you need a little literary love, light, and laughter in your life, you might try these books.

(Yes, I really tried hard to add the alliteration here. It’s not very good. But, it’s after midnight, and this is the time when I am easily, and oddly, entertained by sentence structure and word choice. It is clearly time for me to go to bed.)

Only on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=cathy+lamb...

When I was a little girl living in Huntington Beach, California my father, an engineer, received a sabbatical from work.For some reason, my parents, Jim and Bette, both decided it would be a splendid idea if they took four kids and two dogs camping up and down the California and Oregon coast for six weeks.Yes, SIX WEEKS.In a big blue tent.With sleeping bags.One dog, Frisky, tried to bite people, the other, Alphy, tried to bite other dogs. They weren’t very pleasant.Some people might say my parents lost their minds ever so slightly…CLICK ON THE LINK to read for free on Substack.https://open.substack.com/pub/cathylamb/p/we-camped-for-six-weeks?r=kayfq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

How not to read a book: Choose a book to read that everyone loves, NY Times best seller, with high rankings.Read part of the book. Find that you’re totally not into it. Persevere anyhow to 45% read on your kindle.Force yourself to read it over the holidays when you SHOULD be reading a book you love, that is light and sweet, and that you can read at night to quiet the celebrations and all the cooking and cleaning you did.Stop reading the book entirely because reading this book makes you NOT WANT TO READ AT ALL. Take a short break. THEN decide you really should read the ending to find out what happens. Start at 85% on the kindle.Realise you don’t know enough after reading from 85 – 90% to understand what’s going on and BACK UP (AGAIN!) to 60%. Try to make sense out of confusion until 70% of the book is read.Lose track of the characters and have no idea who this new person is on the page and wonder what in the world is going on.BACK UP a third time to 50%. Read it through to the end, slowly, because, again, you’re not that into it. Lose time reading a book you would love which is so frustrating.Be really mad if you get hit by a bus tomorrow and you’ve spent all these hours reading a book you don’t like that much.Ask yourself WHY IS THIS BOOK SO LONG?Finally get done, sigh with relief, lean back and know that you are “literary-free” now and find two more SUPER FUN books to read and find your reading joy again.Yep. Don’t read a book like I did – backwards and upside down. Put it aside. Pick up another one. Off ya go. Happy 2025 to you.And no. I’m REALLY not talking about my own books. I promise. BUT, if you don’t like them, you should put them down. I hope, hope, hope that doesn’t happen.(Only on Amazon.)