Roni Loren's Blog, page 2

Leonard, who always makes my personal happy for now list

It’s that time of the week when I share what’s making me happy for now in the hopes that some of the things will make you happy for now as well. It’s been a long, exhausting week, so this exercise of looking for what little things are making me happy has been a particularly crucial one. I guess it’s my version of a gratitude practice.

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Freshly Baked Bread

My husband recently surprised me with this fancy Zojirushi bread machine1 that got top ratings on Wirecutter. I’d had a bread machine back in the early years of our marriage, but it made weirdly shaped loaves and I got away from using it. This one has loaves that are more usable as sandwich bread.

I love that once I measure the ingredients and put them in, all I have to do is hit the start button and then 3-4 hours later, I have a great loaf of bread and my kitchen smells like a bakery.

The downside is the teen has gotten used to having fresh bread for his school lunch sandwiches for the last two weeks, so now I’ll be making fresh turkey AND fresh bread every Sunday, lol.

But if you don’t have a bread machine and still want some bread joy, I have an easy quick bread that you can make in a loaf pan that will definitely make you happy for now.

This chocolate chip banana bread recipe from Rachel Ray has been my go-to for probably a decade. No other banana bread recipe I’ve tried has lived up to this one. It’s tender and chocolatey and stays moist for days—if it lasts that long. I made a loaf yesterday morning and it’s already half gone (which is why this photo only shows half!)

A Jar-Opening Update

In last week’s list, I talked about improving my grip strength because I was having trouble opening jars. Well, y’all really had some great comments and tips for helping me with the jars. Thank you!

A few of you mentioned breaking the vacuum seal with a butter knife or something, which got me thinking. I’d bought jar-opening assisting devices before (that only worked some of the time) but I had never looked for one that specifically breaks the vacuum seal. So I went on a search and found this—the JarKey.

As soon as it was delivered, I took out that jar of salsa that even my son couldn’t open, and, lo and behold, this little tool popped the seal with no effort. It felt like an infomercial moment, lol. So, I’m excited that even though I’m going to continue to strengthen my grip for other reasons, I now have a tool to get the damn jars open. :)

Creative commons via pixabayA Slice of Calm

I don’t talk politics here because they do not make me happy for now—or pretty much ever. However, it can be hard to maintain any sense of calm or focus in the world these days with all the noise. Many, many of my coaching sessions have had this theme lately. Many digital detoxes have been prescribed.

Personally, one of the things I’ve turned to for calm is reading philosophy (which sounds pretentious, but if you find the right sources, it can be really accessible and helpful.) One of my go-to sources for translating philosophy into real-world usefulness is Ryan Holiday, who focuses on Stoicism.

He wrote a post this week that really gave me some sense of calm, so I’m passing it along in case it may offer you the same. He offers a list of suggestions such as focusing on what we can control, reading old (history) books instead of watching the news because history has patterns and lessons, treating people well, contributing to his local community, refusing to become cynical, etc. It’s a thoughtful and practical guide for finding some footing if you’re feeling overwhelmed.

Alright, that’s all I have for you today! I hope you have a great Super Bowl Sunday. I’ll be watching at home with the kiddo because my husband will actually be at the game (his company sent him) so I’ll be waving to him from afar. This is a pic he sent me yesterday from the French Quarter. My introverted self is NOT jealous.

Did you have anything that made you happy for now this week? I’d love to hear!

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1

All Amazon links are affiliate links which means I get a tiny percentage if you buy through the link

I generally shy away from reading sad books—not because I don’t like them but because I’m not usually in the mood for my emotions to be raked over the coals. If I do tackle one of these books, I tend to do so once a year. Books like Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver, The Great Alone by Kristen Hannah, and Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult come to mind. Those books gutted me—but then also hit my favorites-of-the-year list in the year I read them. So they can be successful books for me, but they also leave me a little wrung out.

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So when I picked up A Quiet Life by Ethan Joella, I was nervous because it’s a story about grief and I wasn’t sure I was in the headspace for a gut-punch book. However, this book ended up being something different than I was expecting.

The title is actually a great fit. This is a gentle, character-driven book that follows three people who are grieving for different reasons, but they’re doing it in quiet, put-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other ways.

I think the difference here from the books I listed above is that this story starts after the characters have lost someone. The tragic events aren’t on the page. They are not what provide the drama. Instead, you’re living in the aftermath with these characters.

the paperback coverAbout the book

Chuck is in his seventies and has recently lost his wife to illness. This isn’t an extraordinary situation. He knows that these things happen when you get to his age, but that doesn’t make losing the love of his life any easier. When the story begins, he’s supposed to be planning the annual trip to Hilton Head for the summer that he and his wife always took, but he can’t seem to get himself to go.

In another part of town, twenty-something Kirsten works at the local animal shelter and is grieving her dad who was shot in a gas station robbery. She wanted to go to vet school but is now just feeling stuck. She has two co-workers, Grayson who is her age, and her older freshly-divorced boss David. She finds herself drawn to both of them, seeking some kind of comfort, and there’s a bit of a love triangle thing.

Lastly, Ella is grieving because her ex-husband kidnapped their young daughter and she doesn’t know where they are. She’s surviving day-to-day, waiting for news, and dragging through life delivering newspapers and working at a wedding shop.

You follow these three characters as they go through their days and then eventually all three of their paths cross.

My thoughts

*clutches book to chest* Y’all. This ended up being a 5-star read for me and exactly what I needed in my reading this week.

This is definitely a quiet book, so the name isn’t lying, but I found it enormously compelling, watching these characters go through their days, carrying what they were carrying. The portrayal of grief felt so realistic. I think grief in fiction is often described in ways that are outwardly dramatic (screaming, sobbing, breaking things), but, in real life, grief can be quiet, lonely, and insidious, always there with you, a weight you now carry, coloring everything with a new shade of gray.

That is the kind of grief shown in this book. It’s a man carrying around his late wife’s beach towel like a security blanket. It’s a mom looking at the empty room of her missing child. It’s a young woman unable to follow her big career plans because everything feels a little pointless after her dad isn’t there. It’s grief as a stuckness.

I was there with the characters, rooting for them the whole way, but it’s not just about grief. This book is ultimately about kindness. There is no big conflict in the book, no shouting matches, no one telling these characters to just get on with their lives. There’s a friend (and a dog) who shows up to chat with a lonely widower. Co-workers who lend a no-pressure shoulder to lean on. Strangers looking out for each other. There’s even a little romance. And a pig!

There’s a line in this book about how cardinals are the only birds who don’t leave for winter and how Chuck’s wife used to say, “Be someone’s cardinal.” That’s the theme here, being there for others when they’re in their version of winter.

The way these three characters eventually cross paths and how it all turns out for each of them just had me hugging the book at the end. There is sadness but ultimately kindness and hope.

I think I just really needed a story like this right now. I love it when a book shows up at the perfect time. I also promptly bought another book by the author.

So, if you’re looking for a gently sad story that will ultimately wrap you in the warmth of hope and human kindess, check this one out!

Get the book: Amazon | Bookshop.org | Libro.fm

What are you reading this week? Have you read this one? Do you lean into sad books, avoid them, or do you sometimes reach for them?

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*book links are affiliate links

Hello! It’s time for this week’s edition of the Happy for Now list! If you’re new here, this is just a weekly list of the things that are making me happy for now. I think now more than ever, it’s important to pay attention to the little things that can give us a boost.

“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” —Lucille Ball

Recognizing Joy-Stealers

Speaking of recognizing what makes you happy, I think it’s also important to be aware of what steals your joy. On Friday, I announced that I was turning on the paid tier of this newsletter. A number of you signed up immediately—and I’m immensely grateful for that!

But I realized very quickly that it was a joy-stealing move for me. I have truly enjoyed writing more newsletters over the past two months. I’ve loved chatting in the comments and sharing books, movies, and other things with y’all. That is the reward of all this. The community of it.

Once I turned on the paid feature, I found myself checking the numbers and my email for notifications to see how many people had upgraded. And ugh, yeah, that is not what I want this process to feel like. It shifted into that same impulse that social media stirs up—checking, checking, checking. Measuring.

One of the reasons I am leaning into my newsletter more is to extract myself from as much social media as I can. I don’t want recreate that vibe here. I need a joyous corner on the internet, dammit! 🙃

So, where does that leave things? Well, I’ve turned off the paid option (and refunded anyone who’d signed up.) All posts going forward will be free and will go to everyone. I will continue to send out 2-3 posts a week and hopefully, much fun will be had by all.

(Also, I’m not saying someone charging for a newsletter is a bad move. I’m a paid subscriber of many Substacks and think they’re worth it. This is just a personal decision for me because of what it was triggering in my own behavior.)

A Bookish iPhone Widget Screen

This may be one of those things everyone already knows and I’m just finding out, but just in case, did you know that you can customize your iPhone widget screen to have all your in-progress ebooks and audiobooks ready to go with a touch?

I think I heard this tip on the Currently Reading podcast, but it’s really easy to do. Just swipe right on your phone to get to the widget screen, then long press to get the edit button to come up, and then add all of your ebook, library, podcast, and audiobook apps. They will automatically display your latest reads/listens, and you can start them straight from that screen.

On mine, I’ve added my podcast app (Overcast), my library’s Libby app, the Libro.fm audiobook app, Audible, Kindle, and then Spotify (which also has audiobooks now.)

I love seeing all my in-progress stuff in one spot!

I want to be able to open jars again

I’m convinced that manufacturers are making jars harder to open these days. Even my 6’2” son with his monster-sized hands couldn’t get a jar of salsa open the other day. However, it may also possibly, maybe be coming up for me because I am getting older and my grip has weakened.

This is apparently a super important issue.

“Researchers call grip strength an ‘indispensable biomarker for older adults.’ In other words, the strength you hold in your hands, wrists and forearms says a lot about how healthy you are. It’s also an indication of your risk for injury, mental health conditions and more.” —What Your Grip Strength Means for Your Overall Health, Cleveland Health

So, yeah. Who knew?

This made me want to work on it even more. There are a number of exercises you can do like squeezing a tennis ball, but I ended up ordering a hand grip trainer from Target (above).

I like it because it’s easy to use while I’m sitting at my desk and it can almost act like a fidget tool. It also makes me feel like a 1980s movie villain. I feel like Johnny Lawrence in The Karate Kid would definitely be walking around squeezing one of these to look intimidating. Now I’m going to stare down those jars and give them my “don’t mess with me” look.

Fresh turkey instead of deli turkey

This actually is a doctor’s orders type thing too. I have tried to casually ignore the concerns about deli meat over the last few years. I generally eat healthy, so I didn’t think this was something I needed to focus on. However, colon cancer runs in my family, and when I got a colonoscopy a while back, I asked my doc if there was anything I could do (in addition to regular colonoscopies) to lower my risk and she said “ditch deli cuts, cured meats, and processed meats.”

Sigh. Once I stopped pouting about it, I looked into options and found this:

Y’all, I didn’t even know turkey tenderloins existed, lol. I thought if I wanted fresh turkey I’d have to buy a whole turkey breast or something (which is a commitment because they’re giant.) But no, you can get tenderloins! They aren’t huge and two come in a pack, which will keep you in deli meat for a week. The price varies from $8-10 a pack and gets you 1.5 lbs of meat.

It’s the simplest process. I put them in a baking dish, drizzle with a little olive oil, season it with Montreal Steak Seasoning (salt and pepper would be fine too), and then I pop them in a 325 degree oven until they hit an internal temp of 165. Once it comes out, I let them rest for 10-15 minutes and then slice and store.

The turkey is so good! It comes out juicy and tender (turns out tenderloin isn’t just a clever name) and is a thousand times tastier than packaged deli turkey. It doesn’t look juicy in the above photo because that was after it had been refrigerated, but trust me. My son is now hooked on it for his school lunches too.

So, health reasons aside, if you just want delicious turkey sandwiches, give it a try!

Alright, that’s all I have for you this week. I hope you have a great week and find a little joy where you can.

What little thing made you happy this week?

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I can’t believe it’s the end of January. It somehow feels like it’s just started and also has been going on forever.

The month has been a lot *gestures at the world* but I have to say, I’ve really enjoyed the time I’ve spent here, chatting with y’all in the comments and talking about things that may be light or silly sometimes but that offer a break (at least for me) from the heavier stuff. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time here too!

Here’s what I’ve Read/Watched/Learned in January…

January 2025 What I Read

A House with Good Bones by T. Kingfisher - (full review here)

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins - I really enjoyed the premise of this one and have been saying “let them, let me” in my head a lot lately.

LifeStyled by Shira Gill - This was a nice little book if you’re looking to simplify things in your life and home.

What Does It Feel Like? by Sophie Kinsella - (full review here)

William by Mason Coile - (full review here)

The House of My Mother by Shari Franke - (full review here)

The 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins - I like the concept of the 5-Second Rule (as a chronic overthinker) but I think this book could’ve been shorter because the concept is straightforward

The Joy of Movement by Kelly McGonigal - I used this audiobook to motivate me to keep moving. It was informative but a little dry.

It’s Easier Than You Think by Sylvia Boorstein - I’ve been reaching for Buddhism and Stoicism things to listen to or read this month for…reasons. This was a fast and warm listen if you have any interest in the basics of Buddhism. It’s dated but I still enjoyed it.

So Thirsty by Rachel Harrison - I really enjoy Harrison’s voice and she comes up with fun horror premises, but I had issues with the characters in this one and the friendship at the center of the story.

The Siren’s Call by Chris Hayes - (full review here)

DNFs:

Remember When by Mary Balogh - I loved that this was about older characters but I ended up putting it down because it was too much introspection and not enough action for the mood I was in.

The Glare by Margot Harrison - I liked the premise of this one, but I think I just wasn’t in a YA headspace.

Favorite Fiction: William by Mason Coile

Favorite Non-Fiction: The Sirens’ Call by Chris Hayes

What I Watched

Before Midnight (full review here)

28 Days (full review here)

Training Day - Watched with the hubby. A little too intense for me.

While You Were Sleeping (full review here)

Pulp Fiction - Watched with the hubby because I’d only seen it once way back when and it’s one of his favorites. I definitely understood it better this time, lol.

Child Star (full review here)

My Old Ass (full review here)

Yacht Rock Dockumentary (full review here)

The Sex Lives of College Girls (full review here)

Favorite Watch: My Old Ass

The Glo Yoga app and my results for the monthWhat I Learned

Doing something every day has been easier than doing it sometimes - This month I made exercise my ONE BIG GOAL. I was going to do it a few days a week, but I quickly realized that this hasn’t worked for me in the past and decided to try to do it every day. I alternated yoga/pilates days with treadmill days and it has worked so well! The only day I didn’t exercise this month was January 2nd because I wasn’t on the every-day plan yet. This may not work for everyone, but I’ve found it much easier to do it this way than dealing with the decision fatigue it used to take to decide which days and which exercise to do. (Also, it helped to do the exercise FIRST before I got distracted by anything else.)

I have to keep re-learning this lesson, but as a reader, I have learned that I really need to like (or at least be drawn to) at least one character in a book. I need someone to root for. They don’t have to be a good person, but I need to find them interesting or appealing in some way. (A related lesson is I need to DNF sooner when I’m not getting this from a book.)

Okay, January’s a wrap! Thanks for reading and commenting and just making the month a little brighter. :)

Have a great weekend!

What’s the best thing you’ve read, watched, or learned this month?

Roni

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I can’t believe it’s the end of January. It somehow feels like it’s just started and also has been going on forever.

The month has been a lot *gestures at the world* but I have to say, I’ve really enjoyed the time I’ve spent here, chatting with y’all in the comments and talking about things that may be light or silly sometimes but that offer a break (at least for me) from the heavier stuff. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time here too! Having said that…

It’s time!

I am officially turning on the paid subscription option. This is still an experiment for me, but I’m looking forward to continuing it. We’ll see how this goes! :) But there are a few things I want you to know.

The Free Option

You DO NOT have to sign up for a paid subscription to continue to be a part of this newsletter. The unpaid option may be the right fit for you. Maybe this month has been too many emails for you and you’d rather return to fewer. If this is you, great!

Regular (free) subscribers will get at least one post per week and the monthly roundup. For the post, I’ll rotate the type. So it may be a bookish post, a Happy for Now list, or the end-of-the-month roundup.)

If you want this option, you don’t have to do anything on your end. You’re all set!

The Paid Option

If you have enjoyed getting more emails from me (yay!), then I’d love for you to sign up for the paid tier.

For $5/month, you will get approximately three emails each week, including all bookish posts, the Friday Night In posts, and the Happy for Now lists. You’ll also get a monthly roundup post list this one with the added bonus of the book I’ve DNFed.

If you’d like to join, just click the button below!

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You can unsubscribe from the paid version at any time and return to the free version.

If you have questions about any of this, just reach out to me or leave a comment.

Alright, onto the recap!

January 2025 What I Read

A House with Good Bones by T. Kingfisher - (full review here)

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins - I really enjoyed the premise of this one and have been saying “let them, let me” in my head a lot lately.

LifeStyled by Shira Gill - This was a nice little book if you’re looking to simplify things in your life and home.

What Does It Feel Like? by Sophie Kinsella - (full review here)

William by Mason Coile - (full review here)

The House of My Mother by Shari Franke - (full review here)

The 5-Second Rule by Mel Robbins - I like the concept of the 5-Second Rule (as a chronic overthinker) but I think this book could’ve been shorter because the concept is straightforward

The Joy of Movement by Kelly McGonigal - I used this audiobook to motivate me to keep moving. It was informative but a little dry.

It’s Easier Than You Think by Sylvia Boorstein - I’ve been reaching for Buddhism and Stoicism things to listen to or read this month for…reasons. This was a fast and warm listen if you have any interest in the basics of Buddhism. It’s dated but I still enjoyed it.

So Thirsty by Rachel Harrison - I really enjoy Harrison’s voice and she comes up with fun horror premises, but I had issues with the characters in this one and the friendship at the center of the story.

The Siren’s Call by Chris Hayes - (full review here)

DNFs:

Remember When by Mary Balogh - I loved that this was about older characters but I ended up putting it down because it was too much introspection and not enough action for the mood I was in.

The Glare by Margot Harrison - I liked the premise of this one, but I think I just wasn’t in a YA headspace.

Favorite Fiction: William by Mason Coile

Favorite Non-Fiction: The Sirens’ Call by Chris Hayes

What I Watched

Before Midnight (full review here)

28 Days (full review here)

Training Day - Watched with the hubby. A little too intense for me.

While You Were Sleeping (full review here)

Pulp Fiction - Watched with the hubby because I’d only seen it once way back when and it’s one of his favorites. I definitely understood it better this time, lol.

Child Star (full review here)

My Old Ass (full review here)

Yacht Rock Dockumentary (full review here)

The Sex Lives of College Girls (full review here)

Favorite Watch: My Old Ass

The Glo Yoga app and my results for the monthWhat I Learned

Doing something every day has been easier than doing it sometimes - This month I made exercise my ONE BIG GOAL. I was going to do it a few days a week, but I quickly realized that this hasn’t worked for me in the past and decided to try to do it every day. I alternated yoga/pilates days with treadmill days and it has worked so well! The only day I didn’t exercise this month was January 2nd because I wasn’t on the every-day plan yet. This may not work for everyone, but I’ve found it much easier to do it this way than dealing with the decision fatigue it used to take to decide which days and which exercise to do. (Also, it helped to do the exercise FIRST before I got distracted by anything else.)

I have to keep re-learning this lesson, but as a reader, I have learned that I really need to like (or at least be drawn to) at least one character in a book. I need someone to root for. They don’t have to be a good person, but I need to find them interesting or appealing in some way. (A related lesson is I need to DNF sooner when I’m not getting this from a book.)

Okay, January’s a wrap! Thanks for reading and commenting and just making the month a little brighter. :)

Remember, if you’d like to upgrade to the paid version, sign up below. If you’d like to stay on the list but not upgrade, you don’t have to do anything.

Have a great weekend!

What’s the best thing you’ve read, watched, or learned this month?

Roni

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In this newsletter, I focus on the things that are happy-making in little ways, but one of the things I’ve found that can make me happier in a big way is being less online.

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For more than a decade, I’ve been interested (possibly obsessed) with the concepts of focus and attention. If there’s a book about how technology and social media have altered or stolen our focus, I’m reading it. If there’s a book on how to regain focus or deep thinking, I’m buying it. I’ve written about the topic time and again over the years. I’ve used myself as a test subject and have done detoxes. I did device-free summers for my kiddo when he was younger. I teach a Focus for Writers class.

I’ve made improvements in this area of my life—I truly have—but still, I can’t stop circling back to this topic because the barrage of distractions doesn’t stop. The effects of all of us being constantly distracted don’t stop. Phones and social media have fundamentally changed society and how we interact with the world.

I’m not telling you anything you don’t know, but what I keep coming back to is the idea that what we pay attention to is our life. That’s it. Our attention is our most precious commodity because it defines our experience. Not to be grim, but if at the end of our days, we get to look back at scenes from our lives, how many would be of us with our faces in our phones looking at other people’s lives or random things on the internet? Sorry, I know, still grim.

I hate that I’ve given these big tech companies so much of my attention. I’m a dyed-in-the-wool reader from early on. I shouldn’t find it hard to read a thick book. I used to take those doorstops down like candy when I was a teenager. Now if something is 500+ pages, I’m daunted. If a movie is two hours long, I’m antsy and want to pick up my phone. My focus muscles have atrophied and are looking for quick dopamine hits instead of being patient enough for the the slower pleasure of sustained deep focus.

I’ve been listening to The Sirens’ Call: How Attention Became the World’s Most Endangered Resource by Chris Hayes (Libro.fm | Bookshop.org | Amazon), which came out yesterday. I’m almost done (and I’m liking it, but it does get political so be warned). But once again, it has me thinking about focus and attention (and making me newly mad about the state of things.) Here’s a quote:

If attention is the substance of life, then the question of what we pay attention to is the question of what our lives will be. And here we come to a foundational question that is far harder to answer than we might like it to be. What do we want to pay attention to? If we didn’t have all the technologies and corporations vying for our attention, if our attention wasn’t being commodified and extracted, what would we affirmatively choose to pay attention to?

You hear complaints about the gap between what we want to pay attention to and what we end up paying attention to all the time in the attention age. Someone ambitiously brings three new novels on vacation and comes back having read only a third of one of them because she was sucked into scrolling through Instagram. Reading is a particular focus of these complaints, I find. Everyone, including myself, complains that they can’t read long books anymore. We have a sense that our preferences haven’t changed—I still like to read—just our behavior. And the reason our behavior has changed is that someone has taken something from us. Someone has subtly, insidiously coerced us.” — Chris Hayes, “You’re Being Alienated From Your Own Attention” (an essay adapted form the book’s content), The Atlantic (bold added by me)

I feel it in my bones, that part about how someone has taken something from us, coerced us. I know we’re responsible for our own behavior, but when things are designed to play specifically to the parts of our brains that are wired to respond in certain (often addictive) ways, we’re playing the game hurt. We don’t have the advantage.

Maybe there will be systematic change one day, but until then, we’re on our own if we want to regain some of our attention and focus.

I’ve done many things over the years to decrease the amount of time I spend on social media and my phone, but I’m a work in progress still. With the current state of the world, I’m even more motivated to lean into “slow” media like long-form articles, newsletters, and books.

“One of the most powerful things we can do as human beings in our hyperconnected, 24/7 digital media world is to turn our attention to things that last, to get out of the hellscape of noise and go to truth. It’s a transgressive act, I think, to pick up a book these days—better yet, an old book. If you wish to understand the present moment, you’ll gain more clarity by studying the past than you will from following the breathless news cycle. Put distance between you and the attention merchants. Read philosophy. Read history. Read biographies. Study psychology. Study the patterns of humanity.” —Ryan Holiday, “This Habit Is Making You Miserable and Driving You Insane”

I want to be able to think more deeply about topics instead of just scrolling onto the next thing and forgetting what I just saw. It’s a weird world that we live in that I can scroll on Instagram and see someone’s house burning in California and then the next post is a dog eating a cucumber. The whiplash is brain-bending.

By the way, I wrote about ways to corral/limit the news in a post for my other newsletter, The Nourished Writer. It’s aimed at creatives but the tips can apply to anyone:

The Nourished WriterCreative Output & Breaking News Do Not MixEvery few years (*cough* election years *cough*), I like to put out a friendly reminder that being plugged into daily breaking news can be absolutely crushing to a writer’s ability to create. In previous years, I spoke mainly from personal experience, but now that I’m also…Read more6 months ago · 7 likes · 11 comments · Roni LorenBooks That Can Help

So, if you’re feeling like I am and want some inspiration on how to get started with getting your attention back on what you’d like it to be on, here are some resources I’ve found helpful over the years:

Deep Work and Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport - If you want to jump straight to reducing your online time with action steps, I’d go with Digital Minimalism. If you want the overall concept of sustained attention for hard things, go with Deep Work.

How to Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price - a very practical, step-by-step guide

Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention and How to Think Deeply Again by Johann Hari - the subtitle says it all

Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Right Now by Jaron Lanier - a skinny book with some big thoughts

24/6: The Power of Unplugging One Day a Week by Tiffany Shlain - On taking a digital sabbath and how even one day unplugged can make a big difference

The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains by Nicholas Carr - One of the classics in this subgenre. It’s a thick book with a lot to say, dense but interesting reading.

4000 Weeks and Meditations for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman - Not about social media but puts the spotlight on thinking about how we want to spend the limited time we have here

Stillness Is the Key by Ryan Holiday - If you want to think about all this from a more philosophical perspective.

I know today’s topic was a little more serious than usual, but I hope you found it useful. I don’t get preachy about much, but I can get preachy about protecting our brains/attention, so forgive me if I got on my soapbox at all. :) I want us all to be able to pay attention to what we want without our focus being hijacked all the time by the loudest, brightest thing or the best algorithm.

Have you made any changes lately to your online time or where you’re focusing your attention? Have you noticed changes in your ability to read longer or more challenging books?

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Hi! It’s time for this week’s edition of the Happy for Now list! If you’re new here, this is just a weekly list of the little things that are making me happy for now. I hope they can maybe bring you a little happiness too!

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When I originally named this newsletter, I chose the title because it relates to one of the possible endings of romance novels. But as the years go on, I realize that it fits in so many other ways for me. I think more than ever, I’m having to remind myself to look at the now, focus on what’s in front of me, find the pocket of joy in each day. I’m not naturally a now person. I’m a look-to-the-future person, but sometimes, thinking about the future is just anxiety-inducing. So, right now, I’m leaning hard into what is making me happy moment to moment. Here’s what brought me a little joy this week…

Yacht Rock: A Dockumentary (on Max)

Look, I love a music documentary, but I can’t say that I was looking for one about Yacht Rock. I mean, if you’re of a certain age, you know the music (“Sailing” by Christopher Cross, anyone?), but what I didn’t know was that it got the name Yacht Rock decades after the music itself (from a web series that satirized it.) But the moniker really does capture a certain type of easy-listening adult contemporary music that became huge in the late 70s/early 80s.

I decided to watch this with my husband one night when we were tired because I figured it would be low-key and wouldn’t take a lot of focus. However, I ended up being pleasantly surprised at how enjoyable (and educational this was.)

I think the beauty of a music documentary, especially one that doesn’t just focus on the personality of a particular artist and they’re exploits (what you usually get in rock docs), is that you get insight into the nuances of the music that you may have not thought too deeply about. In this instance, it was how musically layered these songs are. Also, that it was kind of a new thing for dudes to be singing sensitive songs about their feelings.

What was also fascinating was hearing Questlove (one of the interviewees) talk about how the Yacht Rock artists were appreciated in the Black community and how it blended with R&B. This is why a number of yacht rock songs have been sampled in hip hop songs. So interesting!

I ended up enjoying this way more than I expected and, yeah, it totally made me look for a yacht rock playlist on Spotify. (Questlove has a public one he made for the late Anthony Bourdain called Defense of Yacht Rock and Dentist Office Pop.) Plus, who couldn’t use some soothing right now, and what better way to do it than listening to the smooth sounds of Michael McDonald, Christopher Cross, Toto, and Kenny Loggins?

Mindy-Kaling-Created Shows (The Sex Life of College Girls on Max)

You know how we have auto-buy authors? Well, I’m on an auto-watch plan for anything Mindy Kaling creates. I loved her teen comedy Never Have I Ever, so when I saw she was launching The Sex Lives of College Girls, I was already sold.

This friendship comedy follows a group of college roommates at the fictional Essex College and all their trials and tribulations. Season 3 just finished this week, and I have to say that even with one of my favorite characters leaving early in the season, I thoroughly enjoyed the whole season. (I’m already ready for another!)

This show is modern and fun and feminist and not afraid to go there with, well, the sex lives of college girls, in a way that I think is so refreshing. It doesn’t feel exploitative and it isn’t filmed for “sexiness”. Relationships, especially in college, can be awkward and confusing and I feel like this show isn’t afraid to tackle that. But also, it’s about much more than sex. It’s about women supporting women and those friendships that feel so intense at that time in our lives.

So, if you’re looking for a fun, sassy show to watch, check this one out.

A snack that makes me feel old but is delicious Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV

For years, my mother has been extolling the virtues of dried fruits. There was always a variety in the pantry—prunes, figs, raisins, and dates. But beyond the occasional dried apricot, I wasn’t a fan.

So when I started seeing dates show up regularly in recipes in the cookbooks I bought, I just skipped past them. Until recently.

After dinner, I always want a little something sweet. Usually, this means a mini chocolate bar of some type—a Milky Way, a Heath bar, etc. And there’s nothing wrong with a little chocolate (don’t take my chocolate!), but I started to wonder if there was something else I could substitute sometimes that was a bit healthier. I decided to get some Medjool dates to try with peanut butter.

Readers, I guess I’m officially in my Golden Girl stage because damn if those ugly ass things aren’t delicious, lol. When stuffed with a little crunchy peanut butter (or pistachio butter if I’m feeling fancy), they have a caramel taste that totally satisfies my craving for something sweet after my meal.

Even more of a surprise, my family saw this new habit of mine and both my husband and teen were like, well, can I try? They are now on the date train and I have to prepare three each night so we each get one.

I spent 15 dollars on a box of dates yesterday at Whole Foods and caught myself eyeing the figs. I don’t even know who I am anymore!

So, as weird of a list item as this may be, it is actually something that makes me happy in the moment and that I look forward to each night.

Also, I didn’t put a photo of a date above because, bless their wrinkly hearts, they are not beauty contestants. They’re sweet and have good personalities though. ;)

Alright, that’s all I have for you this week! What little things are keeping you going? I’d love to hear!

*quietly wonders how many unsubscribes I’m going to get because I talked about dates*

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If you’ve subscribed to this newsletter for a while, you already know that I’m a sucker for a time travel trope. Traditional time travel, Groundhog Day time loops, parallel universes, portals to the past—anything that offers a chance for characters to change things or reflect or get a do-over. I’m just endlessly fascinated by the philosophical dilemmas it brings up.

So when I saw the New York Times recommending a movie with a teen protagonist on the brink of adulthood communicating with her 39-year-old self, I was in.

I expected hijinks and comedy. And there was definitely some of that. But what I didn’t expect was to have to find tissues by the time I was done. I mean, it’s called My Old Ass. How did I end up crying? But it was totally worth it.

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My Old Ass (2024)

Streaming on Amazon Prime

Elliot (Maisey Stella) is eighteen and about to leave her family’s cranberry farm for college. She’s ready to get out of her small town and start her adult life. But on the night of her eighteenth birthday, she and her friends go out to the woods to have a transcendent experience by taking some mushrooms.

While her friends have silly trips, Elliot ends up hallucinating her 39-year-old self (Aubrey Plaza). And that older version of her has some warnings. Spend time with your parents, spend time with your brothers, remember this beautiful farm, and most of all, stay away from a boy named Chad.

Elliot has no idea what to think of this and isn’t too worried about whoever Chad is. She likes girls anyway, so why would a Chad hold any interest—until he shows up as the summer farmhand.

Also, that hallucination…turns out she can still communicate with older Elliot on her phone.

What follows is a sun-dappled few weeks of Elliot processing what she’s learned and dealing with the sometimes heavy/poignant things that come along with growing up and leaving home. Plus it’s all set on a beautiful Canadian lake. (I’m a sucker for a lake/creek setting. I think it’s in my DNA from my early love of Dirty Dancing and Dawson’s Creek.)

There was so much to love about this movie. I found the dialogue to be authentic instead of the overly sophisticated dialogue we often see in teen characters. The awkward scenes had a sweetness to them. The friendships were delightful. I loved the cast.

However, what I loved most of all was the depth baked into this story. As a mom to a 17-year-old who will be a senior in the fall, it probably hit me extra hard, but I loved that this looked at two sides of the coin because of the time travel element.

One, it showed how flippant we can be at eighteen about leaving home. We’re so ready. We want to be grown up. We forget that it’s usually the last time we’ll be having dinner with our family every night. We forget that (if we have siblings) we’ll probably never live together again. We don’t realize how many things we’re doing for the last time in our childhood. (Oof, right?)

Then, on the other side, we have her 39-year-old self looking back and trying to give her younger self advice. When we’re older we have that gift of hindsight, but we also can’t go back and change things (unless you too figure out a way to time travel through shrooms, lol.) But also, if we could change things, should we?

So, I love that this movie somehow pulled off bawdy humor, illogical time travel (don’t question it, just go with it), coming-of-age romance, and also still punched me right in the gut with its poignancy.

I want more movies to do this. I don’t need big action and explosions and superheroes. I need characters going through things and making me feel stuff.

If you’re unsure if this is for you, the trailer gives you a good idea of the vibe.

Also, a heads up. This is rated R, so despite the teen protagonist, this isn’t necessarily a teen movie.

If you need something to watch with kids tonight instead, reach for an oldie but goodie that has a totally different vibe but also speaks to the theme of cherishing your childhood and has a magical element: Big with Tom Hanks.

Now, excuse me, while I go and find my kid and hug him. :)

Hope you have a great weekend! Do you have any fun plans or are you doing a Friday Night In like I am? And if you’ve watched something great lately, let me know!

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This week’s reading and watching made me feel all the Gen X-ness of my Xennial microgeneration (which runs 1977-1983, if you’re curious.)

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A Book

When I picked The House of My Mother by Shari Franke as one of my Book of the Month selections, I hadn’t heard of her or her family. I’m just old enough that I’ve never watched a YouTube reality series. I’d been a fan of The Real World, Laguna Beach, The Hills, Big Brother, etc. but by the time much of the reality content had moved to YouTube, I was busy starting a career, becoming a mom, all that jazz. So I went into this book mostly blind.

However, what compelled me to select it was that I’m endlessly curious about how technology and, in particular, social media has changed (and continues to change) society. We went into so many things blind as new technologies came on board, basically with the thought, “oh this could be cool! Let’s try it.”

For many things, that was fine. I mean, I met my husband in an AOL chatroom. That tech advance worked out well for me. But for other things, we (the royal we) didn’t consider what the new way’s consequences could be. For instance, a parent documenting their family’s day-to-day life on YouTube or a blog sounded fun and interesting. But what does it mean for the kids whose parents broadcast and monetized their lives (without the ability to truly give consent)? How does that change the family when that becomes the main source of income? What does it mean to parent with follower count in mind?

So that’s what made me pick up The House of My Mother by Shari Franke (Amazon | Bookshop.org | Libro.fm)

Shari was the oldest child of six in a family that had a YouTube channel called 8 Passengers. The channel started out innocently enough. Shari’s mother, Ruby Franke, documented the day-to-day life of the family. But as time went on, Ruby’s parenting methods got more and more intense. Then she met a relationship coach (*cough* cult leader *cough*) who took the already problematic parenting practices Ruby was employing and amplified them by a thousand. Eventually, both Ruby and Jody were arrested for aggravated child abuse.

This book is Shari’s memoir of her experience growing up in her mother’s household and what happened after she left for college and things got increasingly more dangerous for her siblings.

This was a compelling read and made my heart hurt for these kids. The extremes of the abuse aren’t described on the page, a choice the author explains, but the emotional abuse is hard enough to read about. Also, Shari has a situation outside the family that was tough to read. (Please read trigger warnings if you have concerns.)

And as difficult as it is to read about some of this stuff, I think it’s important that we hear from people like Shari. That we pay closer attention to what it means to put children online, to monetize family life, and to the issue of consent for those underage who didn’t ask to be online. I have no doubt that her mother had mental health issues that were already present before she started a YouTube channel, but I think the shift to “performance” amped up things to a dangerous level.

Overall, I’m glad I read this book. Part of me wishes she would’ve let more time elapse between the events (her mom was arrested in 2023) and the book. You could tell this was still fresh and that she is still early in the processing of it all (understandably so), so this was more a recounting of events and didn’t have the added insight you get from time/distance from something. However, I hope writing it offered her a way to start her healing and to make money on her own.

A Documentary

Child Star (Hulu)

Last night, I wanted to put something on in the background while I worked on a few things. I needed something that I could play that didn’t require my full attention. So when I opened up Hulu and it suggested Demi Lovato’s documentary Child Star to me, I figured, sure, it’d be like having a Dateline episode on in the background.

Well, one, I was wrong. I ended up watching this fully and putting aside what I was working on. And two, it serendipitously paired up with the themes of the book above.

The concept of this documentary is straightforward: Demi Lovato, who was a child star herself, interviews other child stars about their experiences with fame and the issues with being famous so young. But despite the simple concept, there was real depth to some of the things brought up in these interviews, and it really made me think about how growing up in the public eye must change the experience of childhood and adolescence.

Demi interviews a number of fellow child stars from her generation (Jojo Siwa, Kenan Thompson, Alyson Stoner), but also includes a few my Gen X self recognized (Drew Barrymore, Christina Ricci, Raven Symone). I think because they were being interviewed by someone who’d been through it herself, there was a lot of candidness there.

Even though I wasn’t familiar with all the shows and projects some of the actors had done, I still found their stories interesting and insightful—and often sad. I also was impressed that Demi interviewed a few people whom she’d been rude to along the way (when she was in the depths of her own addictions and issues) and she didn’t shy away from talking about it.

She also discussed the laws, particularly the Coogan law which puts money aside for the child performer that they can access at 18 and how that didn’t/doesn’t exist for online child performers in all states. So, for instance, Shari Franke above had no access to the money her mother made on the content Shari was in. She had to be on camera but got no compensation for it. So I think the book and this documentary paired together well for that reason.

Overall, I thought the documentary was well done and offered a glimpse behind the scenes and a dive into issues that we don’t always think about when we see a child on TV (or on YouTube.)

Alright, that’s all I have for you today!

Have you read this one or watched this documentary? What are you reading and watching this week?

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Hi! It’s time for this week’s edition of the Happy for Now list! If you’re new here, this is just a weekly list of the little things that are making me happy for now.

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This week has a bit of a theme because I’ve been doing the January thing and focusing on health/wellness stuff. But, these things are bringing me little hits of happiness, so that’s why I’m sharing it with y’all. I hope you find something that could boost your happiness a little too!

One of the best things I can do for my own health and that of my family’s (not to mention the added benefit of it’s cheaper) is to cook at home. We don’t eat out a lot anyway because we don’t live near a lot of restaurants, but I can fall into a rut with what I cook.

When I get too busy, I don’t use my cookbook collection. I make the same things over and over. (Which, by the way, is absolutely fine. No judgment here. I just know for me cooking the same things over and over means I’m not taking the time for my hobby of cooking and that means I’m out of balance.)

So anyway, I came up with the cookbook randomization plan and so far, it’s actually working! This week, the random shelf selected led me to Seriously, So Good by Carissa Stanton (Amazon | Bookshop.org)

She is apparently a blogger/social media person, but I wasn’t a follower. I just had flipped through the cookbook and the recipes looked interesting. Well, I’m happy to report that I tried three recipes this week and all were super delicious.

I categorize cookbooks in a few different ways, but this is one that I’d call “healthy, slightly adventurous home cook” style. These recipes are doable for a weeknight (for a decently experienced home cook) and use accessible ingredients but aren’t run-of-the-mill. The recipes I tried were elevated spins on basics, which is a sweet spot for my weeknight cooking.

The recipes I tried:

Sun-Dried Tomato and Feta Turkey Burgers with Jalapeno Tzatziki (cucumber yogurt sauce) - This was my fave of the week. I make turkey burgers weekly and this was a yummy way to dress them up. Also, the patties stayed juicy because of the added ingredients, which is always a challenge for turkey burgers.

Pork Chops with Apple Salsa - Yeah, sounds weird, but I’ve learned that homemade salsa of almost any sort makes everything better—even boring pork chops. The salsa was basically a pico de Gallo with chopped apple added. And since apples are in season and super delicious right now, it was a great combo. I ended up eating the leftover salsa with a spoon like it was a salad the next day.

Spicy Beef Bowls - Any recipe that uses ground meat is tempting for me because it’s so quick to cook and usually a family-pleaser. This was a simple rice bowl topped with spicy/sweet ground meat (flavored with soy sauce, honey, rice vinegar, Thai sweet chili sauce, etc.), cucumbers and then topped with a fried egg. This ended up being my husband’s fave because he’s a fan of mix-up-everything-in-one-bowl meals.

I somehow managed not to take a photo of any of it. Too hungry! lol. But I’ll do better next time. But as you can see by the recipe titles, this probably isn’t the cookbook if you have a lot of picky eaters in your house, but if you’re looking for healthier fare that packs a lot of flavor, I’m giving this one two thumbs up.

Speaking of things that aren’t for picky eaters…I needed to use up produce from the farmbox share I get each week and decided to throw a bunch of stuff on sourdough toast for my lunch yesterday.

I had one avocado so I knew one slice would be avocado toast (avocado, lime juice, fresh jalapenos, and red onion), but then I was stumped for the second slice. I ended up slathering on some lemon hummus and topped it with onion, fresh jalapenos, and…mandarin oranges.

I had no idea if it was going to work or not, but I decided to try it because oranges are good in savory salads and offer both acid and sweetness. Turns out, it was fantastic! It helps that oranges are in season and yummy right now, but the combo totally worked. So, lesson being, don’t be afraid to try weird combos lol. Also proves that pretty much anything is good on toast.

I have worked out 20 of the last 21 days. Unless you know me personally, you may not realize how bizarre that is for me. I am generally exercise averse. But for 2025, I decided that my ONE BIG THING for the year was going to be my health, and the place I could make the most difference was with becoming a person who works out.

I have tried many different methods over the years trying to establish a habit. Nothing has worked. (I’m hesitant to even talk publicly about it now because habits are so fragile and I don’t want to spook this one.) But I’m finding that for me and my personality, doing something every day is turning out to be easier than doing something three days a week.

So, I’ve been alternating days of treadmill with yoga or pilates, and then on Sundays, I do a chill yin/restorative yoga session. (The Glo classes are still working well for me.)

I have noticed a significant boost in mood and energy, which is great, and it has spurred me to make other changes. I was already eating pretty healthfully, but I decided to add things like drinking more water.

Then I was listening to a podcast that mentioned the 75 Hard challenge, which apparently is something that went viral on TikTok. I looked it up and it sounded very bro-y and more extreme than I was interested in. (Like two 45 min workouts a day and one has to be outside.) Also, though I was happy to see that it included reading 10 pages a day, I was annoyed that “audiobooks didn’t count.” Um, yes, audiobooks count. That is still reading. Also, the reading had to be non-fiction for self-improvement. I love a self-help book, truly, but some of my deepest insights about life have come from well-told fiction, so…yeah, annoyed.

I joked with my husband that I needed a 75 Soft challenge. Well, of course, when I googled that, it already exists. And maybe everyone knows this and my non-Tik-Tok self is just out of the loop. But when I looked at the details of the challenge, turns out, I’d kind of accidentally fallen into it with what I was doing.

The basics:

Workout 45 min a day with one day of active recovery (I’m doing 30-45 min.)

Don’t drink except on social occasions (I already don’t drink)

Eat a healthy diet of your choice (got it)

Drink 3 liters of water a day (I’m doing half my body weight in ounces)

Read 10 pages of any book, audiobooks count (I’d already made a goal for the year to read 20 min a day)

And do this for 75 days. If you miss a day, just keep going (unlike Hard 75 which makes you start over)

So, oops, I guess I fell into a challenge without knowing it. But so far, this is working for me. I almost kind of hate that you hear “you’ll feel better if you workout!” everywhere all the time ad naseum…and then it’s actually turning out to be true for me. Ugh. Fine. They were right.

I’m not sharing this to try to get anyone else to do the challenge, but I thought I’d share it because if there’s a habit you’re trying to create, play around with the parameters. Maybe every day will actually be easier for you. Or maybe you can gamify it in some way to make it more fun. (The Gallup coach in me will also caveat that it can depend on your personality/Strengths. This challenge feeds my Achiever and Focus strengths.)

Alright, that’s all I have for you today. Take care of yourself this week!

I’d love to hear what’s making you happy for now! Leave a comment and let me know. :)

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