Charles R. Swindoll's Blog, page 6

I don’t think the Lord gives mates to us pastors to frustrate us.

God gives a pastor a wife for life, knowing full well that it will take time to cultivate that relationship. In fact, when we give our time to our spouse, we are demonstrating devotion to Christ. I don’t think we’re missing out on anything God has for us to do at the church.

A passage we’ve read many times—maybe even preached—also applies to those of us who are engaged in ministry:

One who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. (1 Corinthians 7:33–34)

Unfortunately, we live in a day in which people think if our activity is not at the church, it lacks devotion to Jesus. As pastors, we can believe that lie if we don’t continually guard against it.

One of my cherished mentors, Dr. Howard Hendricks, once made a tremendous statement: “Your marriage will either make or mar your ministry.”

It has taken years for me to get my arms around that significant statement . . . and I’m still learning the truth of its implications.

Does spending time with your wife take away from your time with God and your work for God?

In a word: Yes.

And it should.

—Chuck

Dr. Bruce Waltke tells the story of his wife’s days in home economics in college. They did a test on two white mice, feeding them two completely different diets. They fed the first mouse whole milk, wheat bread, oatmeal, carrots, and fruit juices. They fed the second mouse coffee and doughnuts for breakfast, white bread and jelly for lunch, candy, potato chips, and Coke for supper. Can you guess the results?

In less than ten days there were marked differences in the two mice. One was healthy and robust, dancing around in the cage. The other one was already showing signs of ill health, losing its hair, becoming irritable, and preferring solitude. As the diet continued, the second mouse soon lay down completely listless and shortly thereafter, died. Why?

Wrong diet.

Let’s apply this to our pulpits. If we feed our congregations the wrong food—spiritually speaking—they will wind up listless, irritable, weak, and lacking inner peace. But if we feed them the right diet of God’s Word and the living water of life, the difference in their spiritual health will be remarkable.

I heard of a young minister who frequently boasted that all the time he needed to prepare his Sunday sermon was the few moments it took to walk to the church from the parsonage next door. You could probably guess what the congregation voted to do: They bought a new parsonage eight miles away!

True, serving good, healthy sermons is hard work, my brothers. But what a difference it will make on others . . . and in ourselves!

—Chuck

My word to those of us engaged in ministry can be summed up in four words: keep a healthy balance.

If you teach, also remain a good student. Stay teachable. Read. Listen. Learn. Observe. Be ready to change. And then . . . change! Admit wrong when you are wrong. Stand firm where you know you are right. Since you are called to be leader, make sure you also follow well. You cannot do it all, so delegate and deliberately allow others to help you. And when they do it well, give them the credit. Our calling is serious, so cultivate a good sense of humor.

Laugh often, and don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself! I do that at least once a week! And once a year, I sit down and laugh out loud. Here’s why. Recordings are made of my messages—which is sort of a frightening thought to begin with. At the end of the year those who do the work of putting the messages on the radio give me a CD of all the things they took out during that year. It’s sort of a “Christmas gift.” Some have even had the audacity to play this CD at an Insight for Living Christmas party for others to hear and enjoy. I cannot believe some of the dumb things I have said! It is enough to reduce one to the size of an ant. A very small ant.

I like to say to other pastors what I often tell myself: Take God seriously but don’t take yourself too seriously. That helps us stay balanced.

—Chuck

In my 75 plus years on earth—more than 45 of them in ministry—I have made a trade. It’s been a wonderful trade. I’ve traded youth for truth. And I wouldn’t be years younger if I could make it happen.

I think more than anything else, it is the hardship, it is the difficulty, it is the dead-end street that shapes us. It is the trial that occurs that makes us into the individuals God wants us to be (if the attitude is right and the learning is still on a willing curve). It’s how we react, how we respond to the pains and the struggles.

For some, it’s the bankruptcies, the injustice committed against us, the disappointments, the criticisms, and sometimes even the divorce that just rocked us back on our heels, turns us around, gets our attention . . . and puts us into an orbit we would never have otherwise entered.

My short thought this week, brothers, is that it wasn’t the things I planned or the things I had hoped for in life, but it was the serendipities—the results of those surprises that leveled me—and turned my life in the direction God wanted it to go.

I wouldn’t trade how old I am or the experiences I’ve gone through or the heartaches and disappointments I’ve endured. Nor should you. Because all of it has worked together in God’s plan.

                              —Chuck

Our culture is overly impressed with the externals. You must look good on TV to win the political race. It’s the image you need to polish. Spin it just right. But we all know—and all have seen—that a leader without character is a tragedy getting ready to happen.

As pastors, we know about the importance of character, of course. But knowing it isn’t our assignment. Your congregation requires your character. Your role is filled because character is present, or it decreases if it is absent. It’s the same with me. The church where I serve as senior pastor has a respect for me and appreciates my efforts (all my weaknesses not withstanding). But this respect hangs on the fact that I’m committed to modeling character, and I’m not going to let it slip away in the stuff of leadership.

I remember the day my dad drove home and the front windshield of our car was broken. He had blood running down his face and I thought, He’s been mugged! No, he decided to cross the picket line because he didn’t believe the union’s plan was the best plan. Furthermore he had a family to raise. So as he weighed the options, he chose to stand against the union. That took guts.

I learned from my dad that you must think for yourself. You don’t follow the crowd when they go against what you believe. If that means being unpopular, be unpopular. Who cares? It’s about character, not others’ approval and applause. What a valuable lesson for life and ministry! I learned more from a cracked windshield and a bloody face than I could have ever learned from a preacher or a professor. Character is modeled . . . not just mandated.

Our roles as pastors are invaluable roles. So, let’s never forget our roles begin with our character. I call it swimming upstream. Our flock learns this more from our lives than from our lips. The Scottish people have a great saying: “Some things are better felt than telt.”

I came across a great verse again recently. Listen to its poignant challenge:

Roam to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, and look now and take note. And seek in her open squares, if you can find a man, if there is one who does justice, who seeks truth, then I will pardon her. (Jeremiah 5:1)

In other words, “Go look to find a man of character, but you won’t find him.” What if Jeremiah roamed the halls of our churches? How about your study?

Reading verses won’t make our lives automatically change, but it sure will motivate us to cultivate character. God expects it, and rewards it, when He finds character: “For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His” (2 Chronicles 16:9).

Character is not some ancient biblical term that gets lost in the dust of the Minor Prophets. It’s what makes you contagious. It’s what gives you the right to lead without ever having to remind anybody you’re the pastor.

It pays off guys . . . it pays off. It’s about character.

—Chuck

I had the privilege of being mentored by a man who is now gone. I became one of the first interns on the staff with Ray Stedman at Peninsula Bible Church. And I saw in Ray something I had not seen modeled in many pastors . . . an authentic life.

Ray was just who he was. I saw it work.

I saw a man who was not defensive, who could laugh at himself, who had fun in life and yet was as good a thinker on his feet in question/answer sessions as I’d ever seen.
I saw a man who could love the homosexual and at the same time do an excellent biblical presentation on the sin of homosexuality.
I saw a man who had a room in his life for a wayward child. I saw a man who hardly traveled alone, no matter where he went, and always had someone younger with him. One of the secrets of building character in the lives of others is taking time for those younger than you. Those who are longing for the qualities and the character that have made you who you are. Ray did this for me.

No matter how significant you may become, no matter how well known your name, no matter how important your work, no matter your salary, no matter what your reputation may be, you must allow yourself to become who you are.

I’m not a formula guy, but this simple little formula has worked for me throughout my adult life: Know who you are, accept who you are, be who you are.

The greatest gift you can give to your congregation, to your family, to whomever—as the Lord continues to work in your life—is who you are. I have a good friend who says it this way, “We are not who we are, we are not even who we think we are. We are who we think other people think we are.” (Read that again.) And if you’re in that world no wonder you have such struggles with character!

Character will not emerge from a phony life, which is all the more reason to go back to that word that so characterized Ray’s life: authentic.

Know who you are, accept who you are, be who you are. That’s really it in a nutshell.

—Chuck

When is the last time you thought about the character quality of sensibility? As pastors, we’re charged with the task, remember?

“The overseer must be . . . sensible” (Titus 1:7-8).

Sophron is the term. It has in mind “thinking appropriately.” It means you’re not given to extremes. You’re able to see between the lines and apply some common sense.

We have some funny ducks in the Christian ranks . . . some real nutty people. Howard Hendricks said, “Where there’s light, there’s bugs.” It’s really true! They’re usually people who have big, thick Bibles and notebooks full of notes on everybody from Allen to Zuck. I mean, they’ve got all of this information, yet haven’t won a person to Christ in 50 years. They’re out of balance. And there’s another group that believes “a miracle a day keeps the devil away.” They drive up and see a parking place at Nordstrom’s and they think it’s a MIRACLE! And they tell their friends about it. It’s not a miracle . . . it’s just that a car wasn’t there. Pull in, park. Get a life!

We can fall into that kind of extremism when there’s not somebody near us jerking on our coattails telling us we’re getting kind of nutty. Some people even see faces of Jesus in an enchilada! That’s a lack of sensibility.

I want to share with you a terrific piece Rick Reilly wrote for a graduation class. He offers some very sensible advice to athletes that are going to jump into the pro ranks and make a lot of dough. You’re gonna love this. (Go ahead, read it here.)

I want to say stuff like that to every one of the CEOs I meet. Every one of the hot shots who made it by the grace of God. And every one of us senior pastors.

Don’t forget to tingle every once in a while. Don’t forget to cry over the joy of good health, and the freedom of living in your country, and the thrill of studying the Word, and the privilege of anybody sitting and listening when you talk.

Let’s stay sensible.

—Chuck

I spent the first ten years of my marriage trying to make Cynthia into me. I can’t think of many things worse on earth than a female Chuck. And I’ll be honest, it almost broke us apart. We didn’t though, because she stayed and stuck it out.

I'll never forget when Cynthia said to me, “I don’t want you to keep telling people we’re ‘partners’ because we’re not partners. I bear your children and I cook your meals, and I clean the house, but I’m not a partner.” Then she added, “You’ve never accepted me for who I really am.” I said, “Yes, I have.” She said, “No you haven’t.” I said, “YES, I have.” She said, “NO, you haven’t!” And I got louder and she got louder, and she finally walks away in tears. And I was left with the dishes. While doing those dishes I thought, She’s right.

We began a process that took four years to break that habit in me. It involved some serious counseling that we both sought . . . and it was very helpful. It just about wiped me out, though, realizing how true her criticism was. I did very little encouraging back then. I had picked the people I liked, and those were the ones I spent time with. The others I just used.

It was years later at a gathering with some friends from our radio program that someone asked Cynthia, “Why don’t you say some things about the broadcast?” She walked up and said, “The best part about this is that Chuck and I are in this as partners.” In that wonderful moment her statement brought a knot in my throat. She hadn’t said that word, since she had said it to me on that cold kitchen floor many years before. I finally came to realize the importance of accepting my wife. 

I often remember Peter’s words to us as husbands, and how our lives at home affect our effectiveness as pastors. I’ve emphasized the result of obeying Peter’s words: “Live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).

She has a different temperament than you and a different way of thinking. Most wives do, you know; that’s why the marriage works. I invite you to make a serious study of the fourteenth chapter of Romans. It sets forth an absence of legalism. It underscores the enjoyment of freedom, the appreciation of diversity, a non-controlling lifestyle. It’s all about accepting people as they are . . . and it also applies at home.

I’ve often found it easier to be more accepting and encouraging of the people in our congregation than my own wife. Maybe it’s the same for you too.

—Chuck

Following the sixth day
of creation, the Lord God deliberately stopped working.

It wasn’t
that there was nothing else He could have done. It certainly wasn’t because He
was exhausted. He hadn’t run out of ideas or energy. He could easily have made
more worlds, created an infinite number of other forms of life, and provided
multiple millions more galaxies beyond what He did.

But He
didn’t. He stopped. He spent an entire day resting. He marked off this one day
as special. Like none other. If I read this correctly, it seems that He made
the day on which He rested a “priority” period of time.

I’m of
the belief that we’re no longer bound by the Sabbath command (Romans 14:5;
Colossians 2:16). But I don’t believe we can sidestep the principle to set
aside a regular time of rest.

That
includes us pastors. We need to stop regularly—and not because we’re done
working. If we intend to “be imitators of God,” as Ephesians 5:1 commands, we,
too, will need to make rest a priority. As pastors, this includes:

A
good night’s rest on a regular basis
A
full day’s rest at least once a week (no, I’m not kidding)
Moments
of rest snatched here and there during the week
Vacation
times of rest for the refreshment and repair of both body and soul

These methods of getting rest help release us from the fierce grip of
intense stress brought on by the daily grind.

I had a staff member one time in a former church who rarely took a day
off. I remember driving by the church on a Monday evening, and I saw his office
light on. When I got there Tuesday morning the light was still on! I marched
into his office and asked, “When’s the last time you took a day off?” He seemed
proud of his answer, “It’s been about three weeks.” So I said, “That’s
unacceptable. You keep that up, and I’ll let you go.” You know what? Amazingly,
he started taking his day off!

There is no value in not taking a day off. My former mentor, the late
Dr. Howard Hendricks, had one wag tell him, “The devil never takes a holiday,
so why should I?” Hendricks didn’t miss a beat and replied: “Oh really? I
didn’t know he was your model.” I love it! There’s an old line that goes, “I’d
rather burn out than rust out.” What kind of choice is that? Either way you’re “out”!

Let me
urge you to change your routine, my friend. Blow the dust of boredom off your
schedule. Shake yourself loose, and get a taste of fresh life. Need several
suggestions for rest and leisure?

Begin
jogging and/or a full-on exercise program.
Read
some fiction for a change . . . or a great biography.
Get
some music for your MP3 player, and lie on your back, drinking in the sounds.
Dig
and plant a small garden, and watch God cooperate with your efforts.
Start
watching a few sunrises and sunsets each month.

I’m not
just writing about resting. In fact, I’m taking the next few weeks of vacation
to practice what I preach.

—Chuck

This week I’m posting my thoughts to you via video.

I recently shared to the Dallas Seminary chapel some seminal insights on “The Rewards of a Life of Integrity.”

Those of us engaged in ministry cannot afford to sidestep this Christlike quality. And we certainly don’t want to miss the rewards of cultivating it.

—Chuck