Devon Trevarrow Flaherty's Blog, page 73

It has been a month of the unexpected, driven by the weather and that nasty flu bug. I’m sure we were in the same boat as lots of people. Work-wise, it was Self Help month here on the blog, and I read only two books the whole month (the second, in one day). See here for those reviews.

More importantly, I finally got around to making a production timeline and then plugged in the books I am currently working on. I imagine that lots of publishers have something like a production timeline, and I figured–even though Owl and Zebra Press is small–that it would be awesome to take what happened with our first book and make a spreadsheet. Then, when another book is begun or idea proposed, all we have to do is plug the project into the spreadsheet and voila!, we have an approximate timeline (and some built-in deadlines) for all things great and small. Even a publication date! And a launch date! And a date by which to send thank yous to featured bloggers! (See? Great and small.) I am so happy with this new spreadsheet, that I have to force myself to close out the file and keep it that way, or I waste long swaths of time just clicking around on it and dreaming of those days in the future…

Along the same line, I plugged The Night of One Hundred Thieves in with a finish-first-draft deadline on January 31st. That came and went, and the first draft is marinating while I have a couple pair of eyes looking it over just to make sure its worth the paper its printed on. Launch date? July.

Now, on to entertainment. Due to a strange more-than-a-week when the kids were first feverish and then banned from a snowy school, we spent hours and hours snuggled up on the couch having an outright Harry Potter movie marathon. For a brief review of the series, see the bottom of the Harry Potter book series review. It was fun to do them all in quick succession. Believe it or not, we caught things we had never caught before, and were better able to differentiate between them and the books.

Frances Ha (2012). 2012, although I’m pretty darn sure it’s up for an Oscar this year. In fact, it was the only movie we could find that is up for an Oscar and is also available through Redbox, Netflix, Amazon Instant Prime, or Hulu Plus. Makes me (yet again) miss the good ol’ days of the corner video rental store. And to get even Frances, we had to type about forty movies into our remote on three (four) different sites. Oi. Sorry; to the point. I really enjoyed this movie. It is one of those the sits right on the edge of wanting to watch it once and wanting to go buy it so I can watch it over and over. The story itself?: okay. The good karma in this flick is all about the main character and the actress who plays her (who is also the writer). In two words: extremely lovable. I also enjoyed the portrayal of affectionate relationships, especially female-female, that did not have to lead anywhere sexual. And just as a note: not for people who only enjoy blockbusters. It’s–ahem–quirky.

Robot and Frank (2012). Ehn. This movie had so much potential that I feel it did not deliver on. Great idea. Great acting. Solid cinematography. But somewhere in there, a “feel good”-despite-the-hard-times flick melted into a slow and depressing movie. I think the issue was the pacing and timing.

Bridge to Terabithia (2007). Somehow Kevin and the kids had never seen this, so we rented if for family movie night a couple weeks ago. Somehow, I have also never read the book, and could only vaguely remember some of the scenes while Kevin could only remember a “sad” feeling in relation to the book. Boy, were we all in for it, pizza hanging from our dropped jaws, as we came toward the end of the movie. We had wailing and balling and lots of questions about death. Yes, that is sort of a spoiler, but I’m pretty sure it is in your favor to know–before watching it with the kids–that it does not end happy, at least not without a lot of bittersweet. Reminded me very much of My Girl, which was a favorite when I was a kid. Also, our kids were disappointed in the ratio of imaginary to real scenes; they wanted more trolls and magic, etc. Good, solid, movie, but bring your tissues.

Jack Reacher (2012). When all the movies on our must-see list were no-gos (see above review of Frances Ha), we went for this one. Even more “ehn” than Robot and Frank. Not that I expected any different. Everything came at you clearly discernible from a mile away.

The Truman Show (1998). For some reason, Kevin and I had recently and independently said we wanted to re-watch The Truman Show. You know, that sort of thing comes up in this day and age of reality shows and missions to Mars and whatnot. We were not disappointed by our old feelings of satisfaction. It is a great movie, and one that promotes discussion and thought as well as in-the-moment entertainment.

We are leaving behind the Superbowl, not to mention Puxatawny Phil and our New Year’s resolutions, and are headed dead-on for Valentines Day (February 14) and the Oscars (March 2). In celebration of the Oscars and of movies in general, I am going to spend the month of February reading great books that made great movies (at least, according to The Academy). I will start with one that was not quite nominated this year, The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald. That’s kind of weird, I know, but I picked it way back in 2013 when it was “supposed” to get the nod. Well, it sort of did, but just for Costume and Production Design. (They loved it in Australia, by the way.) I am also going to continue with a book that’s movie only won for Cinematography and Costumes, but I really wanted to read it. That would be Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy. Then I will go forward with as many Best Picture winners that I can manage, having merged the Best Pics with my Best Books list. (See Book Reviews tab, if you are confused about what that list might be.)

Here are the options for Great Books that were made into Oscar-winning movies:

Rebecca, Daphne de Maurier
Gone With the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
All the King’s Men, Robert Penn Warren
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ken Kesey
Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens
The Godfather, Mario Puzo
Lord of the Rings (and the rest of the trilogy and The Hobbit), J. R. R. Tolkien

Feel free to join me in imbibing in any of these book-movie combos. And see you at the Oscars.

Of course, my goal for January was to read as many of the self help books I have sitting unread on my book shelf, as I could. I never intended to post book reviews as I finished each book, since these are nowhere to be found on the “Best Books” list. That worked out fine, because it took me thirty days to finish the first book. It was just a lot of information and I sort of slogged through it, even though I was mostly enjoying it. So here is the review for that book, as well as a review for the book I read on January 31 during a full-on, all-day book marathon. (I also tried to read a book about migraines, but this almost always leads to psychosomatic migraines, so I had to stop at about a third in. Not worth it, right now.)

More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD, Ari Tuckman, Specialty Press, Inc. 2009.

I first want to say that this cover cracks me up. Here’s this book about “more attention,” and you have a photo of a boss-type showing something to a young business man and a young business woman who appears to have ADHD. How do you know she is the ADHD one? Sure, she’s smiling at us conspiratorially so we get that she is happy and overcoming, but…. she’s also not paying a lick of attention to her boss or coworker. Oi.

This book is not perfect, but it certainly led to many aha moments for me, as someone who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. For example: I drop pieces of working memory, which is why I have always felt I am walking around with a lot of missing puzzle pieces; ADHD is probably the reason I don’t do my hair or wear makeup; it’s clearly why I had academic struggles, but I was shocked by the rate of students with ADHD who do not graduate; I was not at all shocked to discover that studies show hormones play a part in worsening ADHD; and now I can blame something for my hypersensitivity to failure. I would recommend this book for people with ADHD, parents of kids with ADHD, and loved ones of ADHDers, with these caveats: I believe that he underplays the role of general health in managing ADHD and shrugs off important alternative arguments and difficult studies. He is going to tell you right from the start that you need to high thee to the doctor and definitely consider medication (which he argues out for you). He spends chapter on chapter on chapter sympathizing with you and pointing out that this is a brain issue, but then he gives you hundreds of pages of suggestions for what you can do differently… if you could only remember! (See list way down below.) He skates a fine line between helping you and just plain being ironic. It was definitely not a waste of my time, and I spent four weeks processing what he had to say. I also plan to implement a lot of it, and highly value feeling understood.

(See below for Quotes and Action Points)

Jump Off the Hormone Swing: Fly Through the Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Symptoms of PMS and Perimenopause, Lorraine Pintus, Moody Publishers, 2011.

Sure, that’s personal, but since more than 85 per cent of 50 per cent of the population can identify with me… well, that’s not very personal, is it? I love this book. It is not extremely rigorous and has a very strong religious bent, but both of those things are okay with me. I don’t think this is the last book I will read about hormones. It might be the cheesiest book I read this year, but… (Humor wise, it was on par with Looney Spoons, although I did snicker here and there.) Bottom line is: if you are a Christian woman of any age, this is a must-read and it would make a great ten week small group. And I always appreciate it when a self help book tells you at some point to get professional help if…, like they’re not threatened by the professionals and they care about you.

And that’s it. Now we are on to February Books at the Oscars Month.

___________________

Quotes from More Attention, Less Deficit:

“On these occasions, the ADHD person may be as surprised and disappointed as everyone else that the task wasn’t completed” (p13).

“Everyone does worse on less interesting activities–but folks with ADHD do much worse” (p29).

“Probably the single best indicator of ADHD  symptoms in childhood is unreliable and incomplete homework performance” (p35).

“There are many ways to compensate for  sometimes significant weaknesses  in certain skills and still achieve greatness” (p50).

“People with ADHD perform some tasks quite well but not others, or they can’t maintain a consistent performance for the same task over time. This meansthat sometimes they do great on mundane activities, like doing all the laundry in a flurry of activity, but most of the time it looks like a mountain of dirty clothes is trying to eat the hamper” (p70).

“…most of them time its the smaller and more frequent problems that cause the most damage to the person’s and family’s peace of mind and quality of life” (p79).

Procrastination: “This is one of those habits that works great, except when it doesn’t” (p95).

“So, despite clear evidence of the cost of these habits, some people may be hesitant to work on changing them, for fear of losing part of who they are, of not being themselves anymore” (p100).

“…may be some mourning necessary in order to let go of the dream that it would all just get better by itself” (p116).

“Most ADHD folks have a love/hate relationship with structure and schedules” (p170).

“ADHD has three core deficits: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity” (p186).

“ADHD adults may feel like frauds who are just waiting to be found out” (p204).

“He was told, but since it never registered, he doesn’t know that” (p211).

“In some cases, the avoidance is based on an accurate self-assessment that the demands exceed their abilities, causing justified feelings of hopelessness” (p211).

“Some adults with ADHD may also stick rigidly with their routines as a way to ensure that things get done right–for example, their keys always have to go in the same place, and they get really angry if anyone moves them. Or they may become hyper-organized because anything less than that too quickly degenerates into total chaos” (p214).

“So it’s hard to ever feel really confident that there isn’t a ticking time bomb out there somewhere. This makes it really hard to relax” (p219).

“For most ADHD folks…. far-away deadlines tend to disappear in the daily hustle and bustle” (p288).

“So economists would tell us to maximize the returns on our invested time by choosing the best activities since we can spend each hour only once” (p307).

“This involves making good decisions about how and when to ask for help, striving for balance in the relationship, living up to your obligations without making your problems other peoples’ problems, and not promising more than you can deliver” (p312).

“Your behavior made them feel out of control, so they tried to do what they could to feel less anxious” (p316).

“It’s much easier to get your partner to change what she does when you both feel like you’re on the same team” (p329).

“On the other hand, it’s that much harder for a parent with ADHD to create the predictability and structure that helps children with ADHD to perform at their best” (p338).

“Your kids will also watch how the other parent reacts to the ADHD behaviors” (p339).

Action Points from More Attention, Less Deficit:

Education, Medication, Coaching, Therapy
Reduce extraneous stimuli. Reduce clutter, noise, visual stimuli, and reminders of tasks you shouldn’t be engaged in. Turn off your phone.
Amplify relevant stimuli. Set an alarm. Tapes notes on the wall. Sit closer.
Seek out situations that allow for safe expression of hyperactivity, especially on nights and weekends.
Minimize or avoid situations that require more restraint then you can muster. Allow yourself breaks, remind yourself of benefits, create rewards.
Create barriers to problematic actions. Reduce tempting stimuli. Don’t go there.
Set up cushions to reduce potential damage.
Bring cash to the store.
Make better options loom larger in your decision-making process. Tape up a picture.
Learn as much as you can about ADHD.
Actively seek treatment. Medication, coaching, therapy.
Review strategies that you have tried in the past.
Accept that some things will be difficult for you.
Lower your expectations, where necessary.
Commit to do at least 10 minutes of an activity.
Build in rewards for completing boring tasks.
Designate at least one time per week to tackle mundane tasks. Put a sign up, set an alarm.
Rotate between different boring activities.
Be honest with yourself about what you are likely to do. Be honest when your dreams are more pipe dreams.
Tell people to make sure they have your complete attention before telling you something.
If you don’t remember, admit it is possible you were told and get back to dealing with the situation as it stands.
Teach yourself or be taught required skills.
Give yourself credit for being flexible instead of stubbornly pushing something through to the bitter end.
Break a big project into several smaller pieces and create some intermediate deadlines.
Identify your favorite time fillers and be eagle-eyed about spotting them.
Ask yourself if there is anything you are avoiding getting back to.
Dial it back from being rigid to having a routine.
Remind yourself that quantity is no substitute for quality.
Pick your battles and figure for collateral damage to relationships and stress level.
Try to defer judgment until you know for sure that someone is being negative.
Make understanding and treating your ADHD a part-time job.
Go easy on yourself.
Identify if this challenge brings you closer to your overall goals.
Brainstorm new approaches.
Bite the bullet.
Incorporate to-do lists and a planner.
Don’t over-commit yourself.
Accept that sometimes you blow it.
Learn to fix problems gracefully; honestly, directly, with amends.
Use your strengths to make up for skills you are weak in.
Be smart about the situations you put yourself in.
Recognize that destinations often have a boring journey. Keep going you must.
Balance destination activities with journey activities.
Try to make destination activities more enjoyable. Put on music or the TV.
Farm out the destination activities you are weakest at or hate the most.
If you don’t want to be misinterpreted, make the other person see more clearly how you feel.
Work on your general stress and frustration level.
Deal directly with the things that are bothering you.
Identify potentially tense situations and envision how you might best handle them.
If things escalate, walk away and clear your head. Pay attention to how you feel.
Make a point of paying attention. Try to remember it, and reduce competition for your attention.
Recall things by asking for clues from others present or thinking about circumstances.
Minimize distractions.
Write things down. Write everything down.
Make positive tasks more active. Paraphrase. When reading, pause. Highlight. Write notes.
Take your medication.
Repeat information out loud or mentally.
Relate new information to what you already know.
Think about how the information will be retrieved later. Picture yourself in that situation.
Process the information further. Carefully study appearances. Ask why.
Do the activity yourself. Talk yourself through it.
Use flash cards and repetition.
Study at your best time of day. Designate high brain-power times. Schedule uninterrupted times.
No more yelling information informally.
Ask for reminders.
Always carry around a pen and note cards or a notebook.
Use a digital voice recorder.
Ask the speaker to slow down or repeat himself.
Don’t put words in the speaker’s mouth.
Check in after a conversation. Review what was decided, what should be done next, and who will do what.
Mentally repeat the task and actively resist distraction. (Short-term solution.)
Create external reminders: schedule, note, alarm, voicemail…
Reduce distractions, like piles of clothes and piles of emails.
Place objects where they will serve as their own cues, especially in areas of inconvenience.
Respond to alarms immediately.
Use a family calendar. Meet occasionally to clarify.
Use white boards or mounted pads of paper in all rooms.
Leave yourself a voicemail or email at the point of performance.
Develop routines.
Hang up a bunch of clocks.
Wear a watch with a chime.
Keep alarm clocks and times everywhere.
Consider a PDA and computer software.
Time how long common activities take and write that down.
Build in extra time.
Create a schedule for common events. Tape those up in each room.
Review your schedule with someone else.
Be hard on yourself. Do not justify borderline activities.
Set alarms.
Plan your time. Write it down. Pin it up.
Start things, then finish them. Acknowledge these moments are harder for you, but you have to do them.
Get organized. Invest chunks of time in getting organized and getting rid of clutter.
Refer to your schedule regularly.
Take on less.
Use social pressure positively. Make a commitment to someone for a time period.
Work next to someone. The right person.
Set a repeating alarm.
Reduce clutter. (It may be better to push it aside and deal with it later.)
Go back to the original task.
Use hyperfocus positively. Gather all supplies, reduce distractions, and pump yourself up.
Create shorter work sessions.
Use active processing techniques. Talk to yourself. Scribble.
Capture loose thoughts.
Save to your computer frequently.
Build in daily down-time, intentionally.
Create visual reminders.
Use self-talk to tell yourself what to do and how.
Get out of a bad situation.
Remind yourself of the price paid for procrastination.
Ask for help.
Allow times every week to go where your fancy takes you.
Don’t follow hyperfocus with impulsivity.
Count time backwards.
Avoid best-case scenario planning.
Set an alarm for when you need to start getting ready.
Get into bed on time.
Keep the morning routine as simple as possible.
Avoid starting engrossing activities when its getting too close to leave time.
Bring something to fill the time.
Remember, nothing takes only one minute.
Always check your schedule before committing to something. If it’s not handy, tell the person you will get back to them.
Set up regular meetings.
Set your home page to blank.
Get productive things out of the way first.
Set a timer before starting. Do this for online time by using an online timer.
Admit that sometimes it’s better to just not start.
Accept that there is always more to see and do.
Put back what got taken out, clean occasionally, replace what gets used up, fix it.
Get rid of something when something new comes in.
Create a more logical and easily maintained organizational system.
Deal with the constant inflow of new things.
Restrict how much comes into your life.
Flip a coin if necessary to get rid of duplicates and excess.
Tackle small sections to organize, and take photos to document progress.
Place things where you can’t help but see them. Do this immediately.
Create a transfer station near the door.
Have duplicates of important but easily lost items, like keys, glasses, and pens.
Build in time to get ready to leave.
Use different, coordinating colors.
Nothing is official until it is written down. Require that everything be written down.
Write contact info and reward amount on important items that might get lost.
Put things on your to do list when you think of them. Don’t include too many things.
Cross off things you’ll never get to.
Write a new to do list occasionally.
Create a master list and a daily list.
Prioritize what is on your list.
Include notes about things you will need and time restrictions.
Track your progress with a chart or graph.
Ask someone to hold you accountable. Have two-minute meetings.
Get a different job.
Set specific deadlines.
Crank up the tunes.
Set up rituals.
Set a timer that will tell you when you can take a break.
Exercise regularly.
Work an active job.
Take breaks when you can.
Move during lunch.
Get on a schedule.
Limit caffeine after noon.
Create a pre-bedtime routine.
Find calming activities for the evening.
Set a bedtime alarm.
Put a recycling and donation bin at the door.
Pitch marginal stuff.
Create a designated space for important items, close to the door.
Set up bills on automatic payments.
Create a designated time to pay bills, weekly. Put it on your schedule. Set an alarm.
Save only what you must.
Get overdraft protection.
Cancel unused subscriptions and catalogs.
Have a family meeting time, weekly. Make it quick, about scheduling, half with the kids, and don’t make bad promises.
Schedule big school projects for the kids.
Tie a pen to you calendars and white boards.
Write notes to yourself all the time. Use the posted boards. Then erase or transfer old stuff.
Avoid problem stores. Bring cash only. Save the receipt. Resist impulse buys.
Write a monthly and weekly budget.
Have a balanced checkbook and a simple budget.
Have your partner manage the finances, if possible.
Limit how much comes at you. Make good choices about what you seek out.
Get done what you need to do, then just play.
Stop flipping channels and surfing.
Acknowledge your limitation to yourself and others. Explain what they mean and what they don’t.
Do your best.
Give other people options and permission, then make amends when appropriate.
Apologize: Admit, Recognize the impact, Say what you will realistically do different, Fix or make token gesture.
Practice concise ways to explain common ADHD symptoms.
Educate others about ADHD, but don’t blab you have it to everyone.
Occasionally sit down and redistribute house chores.
Remind, don’t do it yourself.
Express appreciation for your partner. Do something nice for them and resist criticism. Recall why you like them.
Seek professional help for ADHD or ADHD relational stress, when needed.

Quotes from Jump Off the Hormone Swing:

“Problem: I wanted chocolate, but I needed ‘fruit,’ especially that one called self-control” (p73).

“Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?” (p96).

“Do you have control issues when it comes to food?” (p102).

“One husband said, ‘I tape-recorded my wife screaming at me. When I played it back, she could hardly believe that shrieking woman was her” (p131).

Action Points from Jump Off the Hormone Swing:

In your reflective, healing time of post-PMS, use your time to journal, listen to music, and pamper.
In your second week, tackle projects and schedule thing that require energy and creativity.
In your third week, listen to your body, anticipate changes, and complete unfinished projects.
During PMS, exercise, eat protein snacks every four hours, cancel unnecessary appointments, and do NOT overeat, drink alcohol, or add stress to your life.
Reduce fat and sugars, increase protein, and exercise.
Limit xenoestrogens in you life.
Detox by adding fiber and lots of water.
Minimize stress.
Make sure you are ovulating.
If needed, consider supplementation with bio-identical progesterone.
Stop using products that contain toxic chemicals.
Educate yourself on toxicity and exposure.
Eat organic foods, especially cruciferous veggies.
Develop a personal philosophy about xenoestrogens.
Eliminate the nine blood stranglers: stress; caffeine; nicotine; dehydration; heart disease; environmental toxins; lack of sleep; lack of exercise; and drug or alcohol abuse.
Boost brain function with nutrition and exercise.
Eat the ten brain foods: blueberries; yogurt; bananas; nuts; meat; fiber; spinach; tomatoes; broccoli; olive oil.
To increase brain function: brush your teeth with the opposite hand; listen to music; repeat. Learn the piano; read.; highlight and do activities. Read aloud; nap. Sleep; write, creatively; laugh; play brain games, like Sudoku; pray; break new powder and change old habits and routines.
For physical relief: nap; snuggle up with a heating pad. Warm yourself; take naproxen products; restrict salt; cut caffeine;sip warm tea; take calcium, magnesium, vitamin D, vitamin E, and vitamin B6; drink water; limit sugar; don’t skip breakfast; and eat five small protein-packed meals per day.
Exercise. In pain? Do static. In some pain? Do a combo. Not in pain? Do dynamic.
Change your exercise types, change the duration, and change the intensity.
Force yourself outside daily for a brisk twenty minute walk.
Do not blame bad behavior on PMS.
Understand and accept the cycles of PMS and your hormones. It will come back.
Don’t make major decisions during PMS.
Do not ignore PMS warning signs.
Chart your symptoms and listen to your body.
Understand that menstruation is not a curse.
Appropriately celebrate your daughters’ graduation into womanhood.
Listen to your body.
Relinquish control issues between you and food.
Mark Red Alert days in your calendar and schedule around them.
Learn what minimizes your symptoms.
Eat foods that give life to your body.
To soothe stress: cry; practice isometrics; kick it out; jump rope; dance; have sex; do aerobics; create something new; take a multivitamin; pet a pet; breathe deeply; hug and kiss; indulge in aromatherapy, a comfy chair, closed eyes, a pillow; embrace beauty; try acupuncture; take a bath; and/or get a massage.
Shut your mouth. Post “mouth guards.”
Wear a Gripes Be Gone band.
Make resolutions.
Do not say it if you are emotionally charged and others will see this as an attack.
Do not say it when your words and thoughts are not connecting. Wait.
Know the Bible. Study it.
Memorize Scripture.
Expose the lies and replace them with truths.
Understand the symbolism of blood.
Know your identity in Christ. See “Who Am I?” list.
Remember that God loves you.
Do daily cleanings: confess; receive (allow a wash); respond.
Run to a quiet place and pray.
Stand up to the enemy in the full armor.
Get together with a non-PMS-ing friend.
Journal: pray on paper; sing on paper; dream; draw; dialogue; document your life.
Read “Top Eight PMS Verses”
Listen to the Spirit.
Get alone.
Serve others. Volunteer. Reach out.
Worship.
Start over. Repent.
Don’t whine about your symptoms. Use them as triggers to be thankful.
Get “small.” Get perspective.
Remember pain is a sacrifice and a “pathway to peace.”
Bow. Be humble. Ask for help and strength.

Of course, my goal for January was to read as many of the self help books I have sitting unread on my book shelf, as I could. I never intended to post book reviews as I finished each book, since these are nowhere to be found on the “Best Books” list. That worked out fine, because it took me thirty days to finish the first book. It was just a lot of information and I sort of slogged through it, even though I was mostly enjoying it. So here is the review for that book, as well as a review for the book I read on January 31 during a full-on, all-day book marathon. (I also tried to read a book about migraines, but this almost always leads to psychosomatic migraines, so I had to stop at about a third in. Not worth it, right now.)

More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD, Ari Tuckman, Specialty Press, Inc. 2009.

I first want to say that this cover cracks me up. Here’s this book about “more attention,” and you have a photo of a boss-type showing something to a young business man and a young business woman who appears to have ADHD. How do you know she is the ADHD one? Sure, she’s smiling at us conspiratorially so we get that she is happy and overcoming, but…. she’s also not paying a lick of attention to her boss or coworker. Oi.

This book is not perfect, but it certainly led to many aha moments for me, as someone who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. For example: I drop pieces of working memory, which is why I have always felt I am walking around with a lot of missing puzzle pieces; ADHD is probably the reason I don’t do my hair or wear makeup; it’s clearly why I had academic struggles, but I was shocked by the rate of students with ADHD who do not graduate; I was not at all shocked to discover that studies show hormones play a part in worsening ADHD; and now I can blame something for my hypersensitivity to failure. I would recommend this book for people with ADHD, parents of kids with ADHD, and loved ones of ADHDers, with these caveats: I believe that he underplays the role of general health in managing ADHD and shrugs off important alternative arguments and difficult studies. He is going to tell you right from the start that you need to high thee to the doctor and definitely consider medication (which he argues out for you). He spends chapter on chapter on chapter sympathizing with you and pointing out that this is a brain issue, but then he gives you hundreds of pages of suggestions for what you can do differently… if you could only remember! (See list way down below.) He skates a fine line between helping you and just plain being ironic. It was definitely not a waste of my time, and I spent four weeks processing what he had to say. I also plan to implement a lot of it, and highly value feeling understood.

(See below for Quotes and Action Points)

Jump Off the Hormone Swing: Fly Through the Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Symptoms of PMS and Perimenopause, Lorraine Pintus, Moody Publishers, 2011.

Sure, that’s personal, but since more than 85 per cent of 50 per cent of the population can identify with me… well, that’s not very personal, is it? I love this book. It is not extremely rigorous and has a very strong religious bent, but both of those things are okay with me. I don’t think this is the last book I will read about hormones. It might be the cheesiest book I read this year, but… (Humor wise, it was on par with Looney Spoons, although I did snicker here and there.) Bottom line is: if you are a Christian woman of any age, this is a must-read and it would make a great ten week small group. And I always appreciate it when a self help book tells you at some point to get professional help if…, like they’re not threatened by the professionals and they care about you.

And that’s it. Now we are on to February Books at the Oscars Month.

___________________

Quotes from More Attention, Less Deficit:

“On these occasions, the ADHD person may be as surprised and disappointed as everyone else that the task wasn’t completed” (p13).

“Everyone does worse on less interesting activities–but folks with ADHD do much worse” (p29).

“Probably the single best indicator of ADHD  symptoms in childhood is unreliable and incomplete homework performance” (p35).

“There are many ways to compensate for  sometimes significant weaknesses  in certain skills and still achieve greatness” (p50).

“People with ADHD perform some tasks quite well but not others, or they can’t maintain a consistent performance for the same task over time. This meansthat sometimes they do great on mundane activities, like doing all the laundry in a flurry of activity, but most of the time it looks like a mountain of dirty clothes is trying to eat the hamper” (p70).

“…most of them time its the smaller and more frequent problems that cause the most damage to the person’s and family’s peace of mind and quality of life” (p79).

Procrastination: “This is one of those habits that works great, except when it doesn’t” (p95).

“So, despite clear evidence of the cost of these habits, some people may be hesitant to work on changing them, for fear of losing part of who they are, of not being themselves anymore” (p100).

“…may be some mourning necessary in order to let go of the dream that it would all just get better by itself” (p116).

“Most ADHD folks have a love/hate relationship with structure and schedules” (p170).

“ADHD has three core deficits: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity” (p186).

“ADHD adults may feel like frauds who are just waiting to be found out” (p204).

“He was told, but since it never registered, he doesn’t know that” (p211).

“In some cases, the avoidance is based on an accurate self-assessment that the demands exceed their abilities, causing justified feelings of hopelessness” (p211).

“Some adults with ADHD may also stick rigidly with their routines as a way to ensure that things get done right–for example, their keys always have to go in the same place, and they get really angry if anyone moves them. Or they may become hyper-organized because anything less than that too quickly degenerates into total chaos” (p214).

“So it’s hard to ever feel really confident that there isn’t a ticking time bomb out there somewhere. This makes it really hard to relax” (p219).

“For most ADHD folks…. far-away deadlines tend to disappear in the daily hustle and bustle” (p288).

“So economists would tell us to maximize the returns on our invested time by choosing the best activities since we can spend each hour only once” (p307).

“This involves making good decisions about how and when to ask for help, striving for balance in the relationship, living up to your obligations without making your problems other peoples’ problems, and not promising more than you can deliver” (p312).

“Your behavior made them feel out of control, so they tried to do what they could to feel less anxious” (p316).

“It’s much easier to get your partner to change what she does when you both feel like you’re on the same team” (p329).

“On the other hand, it’s that much harder for a parent with ADHD to create the predictability and structure that helps children with ADHD to perform at their best” (p338).

“Your kids will also watch how the other parent reacts to the ADHD behaviors” (p339).

Action Points from More Attention, Less Deficit:

Education, Medication, Coaching, Therapy
Reduce extraneous stimuli. Reduce clutter, noise, visual stimuli, and reminders of tasks you shouldn’t be engaged in. Turn off your phone.
Amplify relevant stimuli. Set an alarm. Tapes notes on the wall. Sit closer.
Seek out situations that allow for safe expression of hyperactivity, especially on nights and weekends.
Minimize or avoid situations that require more restraint then you can muster. Allow yourself breaks, remind yourself of benefits, create rewards.
Create barriers to problematic actions. Reduce tempting stimuli. Don’t go there.
Set up cushions to reduce potential damage.
Bring cash to the store.
Make better options loom larger in your decision-making process. Tape up a picture.
Learn as much as you can about ADHD.
Actively seek treatment. Medication, coaching, therapy.
Review strategies that you have tried in the past.
Accept that some things will be difficult for you.
Lower your expectations, where necessary.
Commit to do at least 10 minutes of an activity.
Build in rewards for completing boring tasks.
Designate at least one time per week to tackle mundane tasks. Put a sign up, set an alarm.
Rotate between different boring activities.
Be honest with yourself about what you are likely to do. Be honest when your dreams are more pipe dreams.
Tell people to make sure they have your complete attention before telling you something.
If you don’t remember, admit it is possible you were told and get back to dealing with the situation as it stands.
Teach yourself or be taught required skills.
Give yourself credit for being flexible instead of stubbornly pushing something through to the bitter end.
Break a big project into several smaller pieces and create some intermediate deadlines.
Identify your favorite time fillers and be eagle-eyed about spotting them.
Ask yourself if there is anything you are avoiding getting back to.
Dial it back from being rigid to having a routine.
Remind yourself that quantity is no substitute for quality.
Pick your battles and figure for collateral damage to relationships and stress level.
Try to defer judgment until you know for sure that someone is being negative.
Make understanding and treating your ADHD a part-time job.
Go easy on yourself.
Identify if this challenge brings you closer to your overall goals.
Brainstorm new approaches.
Bite the bullet.
Incorporate to-do lists and a planner.
Don’t over-commit yourself.
Accept that sometimes you blow it.
Learn to fix problems gracefully; honestly, directly, with amends.
Use your strengths to make up for skills you are weak in.
Be smart about the situations you put yourself in.
Recognize that destinations often have a boring journey. Keep going you must.
Balance destination activities with journey activities.
Try to make destination activities more enjoyable. Put on music or the TV.
Farm out the destination activities you are weakest at or hate the most.
If you don’t want to be misinterpreted, make the other person see more clearly how you feel.
Work on your general stress and frustration level.
Deal directly with the things that are bothering you.
Identify potentially tense situations and envision how you might best handle them.
If things escalate, walk away and clear your head. Pay attention to how you feel.
Make a point of paying attention. Try to remember it, and reduce competition for your attention.
Recall things by asking for clues from others present or thinking about circumstances.
Minimize distractions.
Write things down. Write everything down.
Make positive tasks more active. Paraphrase. When reading, pause. Highlight. Write notes.
Take your medication.
Repeat information out loud or mentally.
Relate new information to what you already know.
Think about how the information will be retrieved later. Picture yourself in that situation.
Process the information further. Carefully study appearances. Ask why.
Do the activity yourself. Talk yourself through it.
Use flash cards and repetition.
Study at your best time of day. Designate high brain-power times. Schedule uninterrupted times.
No more yelling information informally.
Ask for reminders.
Always carry around a pen and note cards or a notebook.
Use a digital voice recorder.
Ask the speaker to slow down or repeat himself.
Don’t put words in the speaker’s mouth.
Check in after a conversation. Review what was decided, what should be done next, and who will do what.
Mentally repeat the task and actively resist distraction. (Short-term solution.)
Create external reminders: schedule, note, alarm, voicemail…
Reduce distractions, like piles of clothes and piles of emails.
Place objects where they will serve as their own cues, especially in areas of inconvenience.
Respond to alarms immediately.
Use a family calendar. Meet occasionally to clarify.
Use white boards or mounted pads of paper in all rooms.
Leave yourself a voicemail or email at the point of performance.
Develop routines.
Hang up a bunch of clocks.
Wear a watch with a chime.
Keep alarm clocks and times everywhere.
Consider a PDA and computer software.
Time how long common activities take and write that down.
Build in extra time.
Create a schedule for common events. Tape those up in each room.
Review your schedule with someone else.
Be hard on yourself. Do not justify borderline activities.
Set alarms.
Plan your time. Write it down. Pin it up.
Start things, then finish them. Acknowledge these moments are harder for you, but you have to do them.
Get organized. Invest chunks of time in getting organized and getting rid of clutter.
Refer to your schedule regularly.
Take on less.
Use social pressure positively. Make a commitment to someone for a time period.
Work next to someone. The right person.
Set a repeating alarm.
Reduce clutter. (It may be better to push it aside and deal with it later.)
Go back to the original task.
Use hyperfocus positively. Gather all supplies, reduce distractions, and pump yourself up.
Create shorter work sessions.
Use active processing techniques. Talk to yourself. Scribble.
Capture loose thoughts.
Save to your computer frequently.
Build in daily down-time, intentionally.
Create visual reminders.
Use self-talk to tell yourself what to do and how.
Get out of a bad situation.
Remind yourself of the price paid for procrastination.
Ask for help.
Allow times every week to go where your fancy takes you.
Don’t follow hyperfocus with impulsivity.
Count time backwards.
Avoid best-case scenario planning.
Set an alarm for when you need to start getting ready.
Get into bed on time.
Keep the morning routine as simple as possible.
Avoid starting engrossing activities when its getting too close to leave time.
Bring something to fill the time.
Remember, nothing takes only one minute.
Always check your schedule before committing to something. If it’s not handy, tell the person you will get back to them.
Set up regular meetings.
Set your home page to blank.
Get productive things out of the way first.
Set a timer before starting. Do this for online time by using an online timer.
Admit that sometimes it’s better to just not start.
Accept that there is always more to see and do.
Put back what got taken out, clean occasionally, replace what gets used up, fix it.
Get rid of something when something new comes in.
Create a more logical and easily maintained organizational system.
Deal with the constant inflow of new things.
Restrict how much comes into your life.
Flip a coin if necessary to get rid of duplicates and excess.
Tackle small sections to organize, and take photos to document progress.
Place things where you can’t help but see them. Do this immediately.
Create a transfer station near the door.
Have duplicates of important but easily lost items, like keys, glasses, and pens.
Build in time to get ready to leave.
Use different, coordinating colors.
Nothing is official until it is written down. Require that everything be written down.
Write contact info and reward amount on important items that might get lost.
Put things on your to do list when you think of them. Don’t include too many things.
Cross off things you’ll never get to.
Write a new to do list occasionally.
Create a master list and a daily list.
Prioritize what is on your list.
Include notes about things you will need and time restrictions.
Track your progress with a chart or graph.
Ask someone to hold you accountable. Have two-minute meetings.
Get a different job.
Set specific deadlines.
Crank up the tunes.
Set up rituals.
Set a timer that will tell you when you can take a break.
Exercise regularly.
Work an active job.
Take breaks when you can.
Move during lunch.
Get on a schedule.
Limit caffeine after noon.
Create a pre-bedtime routine.
Find calming activities for the evening.
Set a bedtime alarm.
Put a recycling and donation bin at the door.
Pitch marginal stuff.
Create a designated space for important items, close to the door.
Set up bills on automatic payments.
Create a designated time to pay bills, weekly. Put it on your schedule. Set an alarm.
Save only what you must.
Get overdraft protection.
Cancel unused subscriptions and catalogs.
Have a family meeting time, weekly. Make it quick, about scheduling, half with the kids, and don’t make bad promises.
Schedule big school projects for the kids.
Tie a pen to you calendars and white boards.
Write notes to yourself all the time. Use the posted boards. Then erase or transfer old stuff.
Avoid problem stores. Bring cash only. Save the receipt. Resist impulse buys.
Write a monthly and weekly budget.
Have a balanced checkbook and a simple budget.
Have your partner manage the finances, if possible.
Limit how much comes at you. Make good choices about what you seek out.
Get done what you need to do, then just play.
Stop flipping channels and surfing.
Acknowledge your limitation to yourself and others. Explain what they mean and what they don’t.
Do your best.
Give other people options and permission, then make amends when appropriate.
Apologize: Admit, Recognize the impact, Say what you will realistically do different, Fix or make token gesture.
Practice concise ways to explain common ADHD symptoms.
Educate others about ADHD, but don’t blab you have it to everyone.
Occasionally sit down and redistribute house chores.
Remind, don’t do it yourself.
Express appreciation for your partner. Do something nice for them and resist criticism. Recall why you like them.
Seek professional help for ADHD or ADHD relational stress, when needed.

Quotes from Jump Off the Hormone Swing:

“Problem: I wanted chocolate, but I needed ‘fruit,’ especially that one called self-control” (p73).

“Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?” (p96).

“Do you have control issues when it comes to food?” (p102).

“One husband said, ‘I tape-recorded my wife screaming at me. When I played it back, she could hardly believe that shrieking woman was her” (p131).

Action Points from Jump Off the Hormone Swing:

In your reflective, healing time of post-PMS, use your time to journal, listen to music, and pamper.
In your second week, tackle projects and schedule thing that require energy and creativity.
In your third week, listen to your body, anticipate changes, and complete unfinished projects.
During PMS, exercise, eat protein snacks every four hours, cancel unnecessary appointments, and do NOT overeat, drink alcohol, or add stress to your life.
Reduce fat and sugars, increase protein, and exercise.
Limit xenoestrogens in you life.
Detox by adding fiber and lots of water.
Minimize stress.
Make sure you are ovulating.
If needed, consider supplementation with bio-identical progesterone.
Stop using products that contain toxic chemicals.
Educate yourself on toxicity and exposure.
Eat organic foods, especially cruciferous veggies.
Develop a personal philosophy about xenoestrogens.
Eliminate the nine blood stranglers: stress; caffeine; nicotine; dehydration; heart disease; environmental toxins; lack of sleep; lack of exercise; and drug or alcohol abuse.
Boost brain function with nutrition and exercise.
Eat the ten brain foods: blueberries; yogurt; bananas; nuts; meat; fiber; spinach; tomatoes; broccoli; olive oil.
To increase brain function: brush your teeth with the opposite hand; listen to music; repeat. Learn the piano; read.; highlight and do activities. Read aloud; nap. Sleep; write, creatively; laugh; play brain games, like Sudoku; pray; break new powder and change old habits and routines.
For physical relief: nap; snuggle up with a heating pad. Warm yourself; take naproxen products; restrict salt; cut caffeine;sip warm tea; take calcium, magnesium, vitamin D, vitamin E, and vitamin B6; drink water; limit sugar; don’t skip breakfast; and eat five small protein-packed meals per day.
Exercise. In pain? Do static. In some pain? Do a combo. Not in pain? Do dynamic.
Change your exercise types, change the duration, and change the intensity.
Force yourself outside daily for a brisk twenty minute walk.
Do not blame bad behavior on PMS.
Understand and accept the cycles of PMS and your hormones. It will come back.
Don’t make major decisions during PMS.
Do not ignore PMS warning signs.
Chart your symptoms and listen to your body.
Understand that menstruation is not a curse.
Appropriately celebrate your daughters’ graduation into womanhood.
Listen to your body.
Relinquish control issues between you and food.
Mark Red Alert days in your calendar and schedule around them.
Learn what minimizes your symptoms.
Eat foods that give life to your body.
To soothe stress: cry; practice isometrics; kick it out; jump rope; dance; have sex; do aerobics; create something new; take a multivitamin; pet a pet; breathe deeply; hug and kiss; indulge in aromatherapy, a comfy chair, closed eyes, a pillow; embrace beauty; try acupuncture; take a bath; and/or get a massage.
Shut your mouth. Post “mouth guards.”
Wear a Gripes Be Gone band.
Make resolutions.
Do not say it if you are emotionally charged and others will see this as an attack.
Do not say it when your words and thoughts are not connecting. Wait.
Know the Bible. Study it.
Memorize Scripture.
Expose the lies and replace them with truths.
Understand the symbolism of blood.
Know your identity in Christ. See “Who Am I?” list.
Remember that God loves you.
Do daily cleanings: confess; receive (allow a wash); respond.
Run to a quiet place and pray.
Stand up to the enemy in the full armor.
Get together with a non-PMS-ing friend.
Journal: pray on paper; sing on paper; dream; draw; dialogue; document your life.
Read “Top Eight PMS Verses”
Listen to the Spirit.
Get alone.
Serve others. Volunteer. Reach out.
Worship.
Start over. Repent.
Don’t whine about your symptoms. Use them as triggers to be thankful.
Get “small.” Get perspective.
Remember pain is a sacrifice and a “pathway to peace.”
Bow. Be humble. Ask for help and strength.

Of course, my goal for January was to read as many of the self help books I have sitting unread on my book shelf, as I could. I never intended to post book reviews as I finished each book, since these are nowhere to be found on the “Best Books” list. That worked out fine, because it took me thirty days to finish the first book. It was just a lot of information and I sort of slogged through it, even though I was mostly enjoying it. So here is the review for that book, as well as a review for the book I read on January 31 during a full-on, all-day book marathon. (I also tried to read a book about migraines, but this almost always leads to psychosomatic migraines, so I had to stop at about a third in. Not worth it, right now.)

More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD, Ari Tuckman, Specialty Press, Inc. 2009.

I first want to say that this cover cracks me up. Here’s this book about “more attention,” and you have a photo of a boss-type showing something to a young business man and a young business woman who appears to have ADHD. How do you know she is the ADHD one? Sure, she’s smiling at us conspiratorially so we get that she is happy and overcoming, but…. she’s also not paying a lick of attention to her boss or coworker. Oi.

This book is not perfect, but it certainly led to many aha moments for me, as someone who has struggled with ADHD my whole life. For example: I drop pieces of working memory, which is why I have always felt I am walking around with a lot of missing puzzle pieces; ADHD is probably the reason I don’t do my hair or wear makeup; it’s clearly why I had academic struggles, but I was shocked by the rate of students with ADHD who do not graduate; I was not at all shocked to discover that studies show hormones play a part in worsening ADHD; and now I can blame something for my hypersensitivity to failure. I would recommend this book for people with ADHD, parents of kids with ADHD, and loved ones of ADHDers, with these caveats: I believe that he underplays the role of general health in managing ADHD and shrugs off important alternative arguments and difficult studies. He is going to tell you right from the start that you need to high thee to the doctor and definitely consider medication (which he argues out for you). He spends chapter on chapter on chapter sympathizing with you and pointing out that this is a brain issue, but then he gives you hundreds of pages of suggestions for what you can do differently… if you could only remember! (See list way down below.) He skates a fine line between helping you and just plain being ironic. It was definitely not a waste of my time, and I spent four weeks processing what he had to say. I also plan to implement a lot of it, and highly value feeling understood.

(See below for Quotes and Action Points)

Jump Off the Hormone Swing: Fly Through the Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Symptoms of PMS and Perimenopause, Lorraine Pintus, Moody Publishers, 2011.

Sure, that’s personal, but since more than 85 per cent of 50 per cent of the population can identify with me… well, that’s not very personal, is it? I love this book. It is not extremely rigorous and has a very strong religious bent, but both of those things are okay with me. I don’t think this is the last book I will read about hormones. It might be the cheesiest book I read this year, but… (Humor wise, it was on par with Looney Spoons, although I did snicker here and there.) Bottom line is: if you are a Christian woman of any age, this is a must-read and it would make a great ten week small group. And I always appreciate it when a self help book tells you at some point to get professional help if…, like they’re not threatened by the professionals and they care about you.

And that’s it. Now we are on to February Books at the Oscars Month.

Quotes from More Attention, Less Deficit:

“On these occasions, the ADHD person may be as surprised and disappointed as everyone else that the task wasn’t completed” (p13).
“Everyone does worse on less interesting activities–but folks with ADHD do much worse” (p29).
“Probably the single best indicator of ADHD  symptoms in childhood is unreliable and incomplete homework performance” (p35).
“There are many ways to compensate for  sometimes significant weaknesses  in certain skills and still achieve greatness” (p50).
“People with ADHD perform some tasks quite well but not others, or they can’t maintain a consistent performance for the same task over time. This means that sometimes they do great on mundane activities, like doing all the laundry in a flurry of activity, but most of the time it looks like a mountain of dirty clothes is trying to eat the hamper” (p70).
“…most of them time its the smaller and more frequent problems that cause the most damage to the person’s and family’s peace of mind and quality of life” (p79).
Procrastination: “This is one of those habits that works great, except when it doesn’t” (p95).
“So, despite clear evidence of the cost of these habits, some people may be hesitant to work on changing them, for fear of losing part of who they are, of not being themselves anymore” (p100).
“…may be some mourning necessary in order to let go of the dream that it would all just get better by itself” (p116).
“Most ADHD folks have a love/hate relationship with structure and schedules” (p170).
“ADHD has three core deficits: inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity” (p186).
“ADHD adults may feel like frauds who are just waiting to be found out” (p204).
“He was told, but since it never registered, he doesn’t know that” (p211).
“In some cases, the avoidance is based on an accurate self-assessment that the demands exceed their abilities, causing justified feelings of hopelessness” (p211).
“Some adults with ADHD may also stick rigidly with their routines as a way to ensure that things get done right–for example, their keys always have to go in the same place, and they get really angry if anyone moves them. Or they may become hyper-organized because anything less than that too quickly degenerates into total chaos” (p214).
“So it’s hard to ever feel really confident that there isn’t a ticking time bomb out there somewhere. This makes it really hard to relax” (p219).
“For most ADHD folks…. far-away deadlines tend to disappear in the daily hustle and bustle” (p288).
“So economists would tell us to maximize the returns on our invested time by choosing the best activities since we can spend each hour only once” (p307).
“This involves making good decisions about how and when to ask for help, striving for balance in the relationship, living up to your obligations without making your problems other peoples’ problems, and not promising more than you can deliver” (p312).
“Your behavior made them feel out of control, so they tried to do what they could to feel less anxious” (p316).
“It’s much easier to get your partner to change what she does when you both feel like you’re on the same team” (p329).
“On the other hand, it’s that much harder for a parent with ADHD to create the predictability and structure that helps children with ADHD to perform at their best” (p338).
“Your kids will also watch how the other parent reacts to the ADHD behaviors” (p339).

Action Points from More Attention, Less Deficit:

Education, Medication, Coaching, Therapy
Reduce extraneous stimuli. Reduce clutter, noise, visual stimuli, and reminders of tasks you shouldn’t be engaged in. Turn off your phone.
Amplify relevant stimuli. Set an alarm. Tapes notes on the wall. Sit closer.
Seek out situations that allow for safe expression of hyperactivity, especially on nights and weekends.
Minimize or avoid situations that require more restraint then you can muster. Allow yourself breaks, remind yourself of benefits, create rewards.
Create barriers to problematic actions. Reduce tempting stimuli. Don’t go there.
Set up cushions to reduce potential damage.
Bring cash to the store.
Make better options loom larger in your decision-making process. Tape up a picture.
Learn as much as you can about ADHD.
Actively seek treatment. Medication, coaching, therapy.
Review strategies that you have tried in the past.
Accept that some things will be difficult for you.
Lower your expectations, where necessary.
Commit to do at least 10 minutes of an activity.
Build in rewards for completing boring tasks.
Designate at least one time per week to tackle mundane tasks. Put a sign up, set an alarm.
Rotate between different boring activities.
Be honest with yourself about what you are likely to do. Be honest when your dreams are more pipe dreams.
Tell people to make sure they have your complete attention before telling you something.
If you don’t remember, admit it is possible you were told and get back to dealing with the situation as it stands.
Teach yourself or be taught required skills.
Give yourself credit for being flexible instead of stubbornly pushing something through to the bitter end.
Break a big project into several smaller pieces and create some intermediate deadlines.
Identify your favorite time fillers and be eagle-eyed about spotting them.
Ask yourself if there is anything you are avoiding getting back to.
Dial it back from being rigid to having a routine.
Remind yourself that quantity is no substitute for quality.
Pick your battles and figure for collateral damage to relationships and stress level.
Try to defer judgment until you know for sure that someone is being negative.
Make understanding and treating your ADHD a part-time job.
Go easy on yourself.
Identify if this challenge brings you closer to your overall goals.
Brainstorm new approaches.
Bite the bullet.
Incorporate to-do lists and a planner.
Don’t over-commit yourself.
Accept that sometimes you blow it.
Learn to fix problems gracefully; honestly, directly, with amends.
Use your strengths to make up for skills you are weak in.
Be smart about the situations you put yourself in.
Recognize that destinations often have a boring journey. Keep going you must.
Balance destination activities with journey activities.
Try to make destination activities more enjoyable. Put on music or the TV.
Farm out the destination activities you are weakest at or hate the most.
If you don’t want to be misinterpreted, make the other person see more clearly how you feel.
Work on your general stress and frustration level.
Deal directly with the things that are bothering you.
Identify potentially tense situations and envision how you might best handle them.
If things escalate, walk away and clear your head. Pay attention to how you feel.
Make a point of paying attention. Try to remember it, and reduce competition for your attention.
Recall things by asking for clues from others present or thinking about circumstances.
Minimize distractions.
Write things down. Write everything down.
Make positive tasks more active. Paraphrase. When reading, pause. Highlight. Write notes.
Take your medication.
Repeat information out loud or mentally.
Relate new information to what you already know.
Think about how the information will be retrieved later. Picture yourself in that situation.
Process the information further. Carefully study appearances. Ask why.
Do the activity yourself. Talk yourself through it.
Use flash cards and repetition.
Study at your best time of day. Designate high brain-power times. Schedule uninterrupted times.
No more yelling information informally.
Ask for reminders.
Always carry around a pen and note cards or a notebook.
Use a digital voice recorder.
Ask the speaker to slow down or repeat himself.
Don’t put words in the speaker’s mouth.
Check in after a conversation. Review what was decided, what should be done next, and who will do what.
Mentally repeat the task and actively resist distraction. (Short-term solution.)
Create external reminders: schedule, note, alarm, voicemail…
Reduce distractions, like piles of clothes and piles of emails.
Place objects where they will serve as their own cues, especially in areas of inconvenience.
Respond to alarms immediately.
Use a family calendar. Meet occasionally to clarify.
Use white boards or mounted pads of paper in all rooms.
Leave yourself a voicemail or email at the point of performance.
Develop routines.
Hang up a bunch of clocks.
Wear a watch with a chime.
Keep alarm clocks and times everywhere.
Consider a PDA and computer software.
Time how long common activities take and write that down.
Build in extra time.
Create a schedule for common events. Tape those up in each room.
Review your schedule with someone else.
Be hard on yourself. Do not justify borderline activities.
Set alarms.
Plan your time. Write it down. Pin it up.
Start things, then finish them. Acknowledge these moments are harder for you, but you have to do them.
Get organized. Invest chunks of time in getting organized and getting rid of clutter.
Refer to your schedule regularly.
Take on less.
Use social pressure positively. Make a commitment to someone for a time period.
Work next to someone. The right person.
Set a repeating alarm.
Reduce clutter. (It may be better to push it aside and deal with it later.)
Go back to the original task.
Use hyperfocus positively. Gather all supplies, reduce distractions, and pump yourself up.
Create shorter work sessions.
Use active processing techniques. Talk to yourself. Scribble.
Capture loose thoughts.
Save to your computer frequently.
Build in daily down-time, intentionally.
Create visual reminders.
Use self-talk to tell yourself what to do and how.
Get out of a bad situation.
Remind yourself of the price paid for procrastination.
Ask for help.
Allow times every week to go where your fancy takes you.
Don’t follow hyperfocus with impulsivity.
Count time backwards.
Avoid best-case scenario planning.
Set an alarm for when you need to start getting ready.
Get into bed on time.
Keep the morning routine as simple as possible.
Avoid starting engrossing activities when its getting too close to leave time.
Bring something to fill the time.
Remember, nothing takes only one minute.
Always check your schedule before committing to something. If it’s not handy, tell the person you will get back to them.
Set up regular meetings.
Set your home page to blank.
Get productive things out of the way first.
Set a timer before starting. Do this for online time by using an online timer.
Admit that sometimes it’s better to just not start.
Accept that there is always more to see and do.
Put back what got taken out, clean occasionally, replace what gets used up, fix it.
Get rid of something when something new comes in.
Create a more logical and easily maintained organizational system.
Deal with the constant inflow of new things.
Restrict how much comes into your life.
Flip a coin if necessary to get rid of duplicates and excess.
Tackle small sections to organize, and take photos to document progress.
Place things where you can’t help but see them. Do this immediately.
Create a transfer station near the door.
Have duplicates of important but easily lost items, like keys, glasses, and pens.
Build in time to get ready to leave.
Use different, coordinating colors.
Nothing is official until it is written down. Require that everything be written down.
Write contact info and reward amount on important items that might get lost.
Put things on your to do list when you think of them. Don’t include too many things.
Cross off things you’ll never get to.
Write a new to do list occasionally.
Create a master list and a daily list.
Prioritize what is on your list.
Include notes about things you will need and time restrictions.
Track your progress with a chart or graph.
Ask someone to hold you accountable. Have two-minute meetings.
Get a different job.
Set specific deadlines.
Crank up the tunes.
Set up rituals.
Set a timer that will tell you when you can take a break.
Exercise regularly.
Work an active job.
Take breaks when you can.
Move during lunch.
Get on a schedule.
Limit caffeine after noon.
Create a pre-bedtime routine.
Find calming activities for the evening.
Set a bedtime alarm.
Put a recycling and donation bin at the door.
Pitch marginal stuff.
Create a designated space for important items, close to the door.
Set up bills on automatic payments.
Create a designated time to pay bills, weekly. Put it on your schedule. Set an alarm.
Save only what you must.
Get overdraft protection.
Cancel unused subscriptions and catalogs.
Have a family meeting time, weekly. Make it quick, about scheduling, half with the kids, and don’t make bad promises.
Schedule big school projects for the kids.
Tie a pen to you calendars and white boards.
Write notes to yourself all the time. Use the posted boards. Then erase or transfer old stuff.
Avoid problem stores. Bring cash only. Save the receipt. Resist impulse buys.
Write a monthly and weekly budget.
Have a balanced checkbook and a simple budget.
Have your partner manage the finances, if possible.
Limit how much comes at you. Make good choices about what you seek out.
Get done what you need to do, then just play.
Stop flipping channels and surfing.
Acknowledge your limitation to yourself and others. Explain what they mean and what they don’t.
Do your best.
Give other people options and permission, then make amends when appropriate.
Apologize: Admit, Recognize the impact, Say what you will realistically do different, Fix or make token gesture.
Practice concise ways to explain common ADHD symptoms.
Educate others about ADHD, but don’t blab you have it to everyone.
Occasionally sit down and redistribute house chores.
Remind, don’t do it yourself.
Express appreciation for your partner. Do something nice for them and resist criticism. Recall why you like them.
Seek professional help for ADHD or ADHD relational stress, when needed.

Quotes from Jump Off the Hormone Swing:

“Problem: I wanted chocolate, but I needed ‘fruit,’ especially that one called self-control” (p73).
“Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?” (p96).
“Do you have control issues when it comes to food?” (p102).
“One husband said, ‘I tape-recorded my wife screaming at me. When I played it back, she could hardly believe that shrieking woman was her” (p131).

Action Points from Jump Off the Hormone Swing:

In your reflective, healing time of post-PMS, use your time to journal, listen to music, and pamper.
In your second week, tackle projects and schedule thing that require energy and creativity.
In your third week, listen to your body, anticipate changes, and complete unfinished projects.
During PMS, exercise, eat protein snacks every four hours, cancel unnecessary appointments, and do NOT overeat, drink alcohol, or add stress to your life.
Reduce fat and sugars, increase protein, and exercise.
Limit xenoestrogens in you life.
Detox by adding fiber and lots of water.
Minimize stress.
Make sure you are ovulating.
If needed, consider supplementation with bio-identical progesterone.
Stop using products that contain toxic chemicals.
Educate yourself on toxicity and exposure.
Eat organic foods, especially cruciferous veggies.
Develop a personal philosophy about xenoestrogens.
Eliminate the nine blood stranglers: stress; caffeine; nicotine; dehydration; heart disease; environmental toxins; lack of sleep; lack of exercise; and drug or alcohol abuse.
Boost brain function with nutrition and exercise.
Eat the ten brain foods: blueberries; yogurt; bananas; nuts; meat; fiber; spinach; tomatoes; broccoli; olive oil.
To increase brain function: brush your teeth with the opposite hand; listen to music; repeat. Learn the piano; read.; highlight and do activities. Read aloud; nap. Sleep; write, creatively; laugh; play brain games, like Sudoku; pray; break new powder and change old habits and routines.
For physical relief: nap; snuggle up with a heating pad. Warm yourself; take naproxen products; restrict salt; cut caffeine;sip warm tea; take calcium, magnesium, vitamin D, vitamin E, and vitamin B6; drink water; limit sugar; don’t skip breakfast; and eat five small protein-packed meals per day.
Exercise. In pain? Do static. In some pain? Do a combo. Not in pain? Do dynamic.
Change your exercise types, change the duration, and change the intensity.
Force yourself outside daily for a brisk twenty minute walk.
Do not blame bad behavior on PMS.
Understand and accept the cycles of PMS and your hormones. It will come back.
Don’t make major decisions during PMS.
Do not ignore PMS warning signs.
Chart your symptoms and listen to your body.
Understand that menstruation is not a curse.
Appropriately celebrate your daughters’ graduation into womanhood.
Listen to your body.
Relinquish control issues between you and food.
Mark Red Alert days in your calendar and schedule around them.
Learn what minimizes your symptoms.
Eat foods that give life to your body.
To soothe stress: cry; practice isometrics; kick it out; jump rope; dance; have sex; do aerobics; create something new; take a multivitamin; pet a pet; breathe deeply; hug and kiss; indulge in aromatherapy, a comfy chair, closed eyes, a pillow; embrace beauty; try acupuncture; take a bath; and/or get a massage.
Shut your mouth. Post “mouth guards.”
Wear a Gripes Be Gone band.
Make resolutions.
Do not say it if you are emotionally charged and others will see this as an attack.
Do not say it when your words and thoughts are not connecting. Wait.
Know the Bible. Study it.
Memorize Scripture.
Expose the lies and replace them with truths.
Understand the symbolism of blood.
Know your identity in Christ. See “Who Am I?” list.
Remember that God loves you.
Do daily cleanings: confess; receive (allow a wash); respond.
Run to a quiet place and pray.
Stand up to the enemy in the full armor.
Get together with a non-PMS-ing friend.
Journal: pray on paper; sing on paper; dream; draw; dialogue; document your life.
Read “Top Eight PMS Verses”
Listen to the Spirit.
Get alone.
Serve others. Volunteer. Reach out.
Worship.
Start over. Repent.
Don’t whine about your symptoms. Use them as triggers to be thankful.
Get “small.” Get perspective.
Remember pain is a sacrifice and a “pathway to peace.”
Bow. Be humble. Ask for help and strength.

I am no stranger to the forced pause.

I am a migraine patient (aka migraneur) and have been since I was five years old. I have what used to be called classic migraine, which means my symptoms include blindness or partial blindness, confusion, disrupted speech, etc. on top of the usual pain, nausea, sensitivity to light and noise, etc. At times in my childhood, I got migraines multiple times per week. My longest was 72 hours. When pregnant, both times, I had a sort of migraine fit, where I spent a long month in and out of a migraine stupor. I have often been amazed that, before kids, I could keep a job, and since kids, I have done a decent job raising them. As far as the migraines go, the kids have learned to make do, same as me.

Add to that the ADHD Inattentive Type and my general personality. I don’t like to sit still. I am always doing something. I don’t rest well. Like my father before me and my son after me, I live a sort of break-neck paced life, forever doing something, and the more exciting, the better.

Then the migraines meet my life. Oh, how I hate being stopped by that sudden, floating blindness. My stomach drops and an immediate, mild depression washes over me. If people ever really scream inside, that’s what I am doing at the moment I realize I am getting a migraine and will be forced into incapacity for several hours. You’d think I’d be used to it. Last time, I pouted myself from the computer to the bed and my husband dispensed my meds as he quoted, “Hardship is a pathway to peace.” Fudge.

A few days before Halloween and NaNoWriMo this past fall–which happens to be the beginning of our busiest time of year–I bent over to pick up a sock and severely sprained my spine (read: ruptured a disc). Stubborn as I am, I tried to stand up and go about my day three times before I ended up face down in our muddy driveway. So not joking. Following, I experienced drawn-out days of a pain worse than labor. I couldn’t stand. Then I couldn’t walk. Then, eventually, I couldn’t put on my own socks. I missed Halloween. Then I missed the onset of NaNoWriMo. Then, eventually, I started writing while laying flat on my back. Most the time I slept (thanks to the drugs) and watched TV. I don’t watch TV during the day. It makes me feel guilty, and restless.

Like I said, I am no stranger to the forced pause.

We all have them, right? We get the flu. We break a leg. We get a bad call which we have to travel for. We lose a job. The forced pause. I should be an expert at them. And at my best moments, I am. I curl up in the back seat of my car with the pillow and face-mask I always keep on hand and I just rest. I don’t fight. But at my worst moments, I go kicking and screaming.

Last year, a friend of mine was laid up for a couple months, and I took the opportunity to encourage her to write the book she was wanting to. She did some, but she mostly couldn’t. When I sprained my spine, I found myself eating my own words. I just couldn’t write, physically speaking. There was no use fighting it.

I did some planning and dreaming, but in a way, doing more planning and dreaming at this point in my career is just another way for me to revolt against the forced pause. And revolting against the forced pause is just another way of seeing greener grass on the other side: the book that might appeal to a more marketable genre; the book that might be more fun to write; the character that I will love best; an October without a sprained spine; a day without a migraine; greener grass that doesn’t exist. It’s quite simple, if A, then not B. This is what today looks like, and I should know because I am here.

Now, there’s a difference between doing something to overcome a bad situation and accepting “hardship as a pathway to peace.” I do everything I can not to get migraines. Now, I take care of my back. But, many, many, things happen that a body can’t change, or that a body shouldn’t change. In the Serenity Prayer, it asks to be able to discern the “things I can change, the things I can’t, and the wisdom to know the difference.” It’s called boundaries. It’s called acceptance.

To be honest, I did pretty well when I was laid up for most of November. I believe in God, and I kept thinking that if God wanted my situation any different, He would change it. Simple as that. I felt a little sorry for myself as the kids–dressed as Velma and Shaggy–went traipsing off to trick or treat without me. But for the most part, I took this forced pause situation as an opportunity to grow as a person. This is what I learned about writing while laying on my back:

It is really hard to type laying completely flat. In other words, don’t judge.
Living in the moment is a healthy part of the writer’s life. If a writer didn’t live, what would they write about? Living in the moment includes times when you are not working.
Life is about the journey as much as about any destination. I really want to squish as much writing into my life as possible–that’s why I focus and prioritize and trim excess–but again, what would a writer write about if they didn’t live? The truth is, plenty of us will never get to that big Pulitzer Prize in the sky, but we might just be able to keep doing what we love and sharing it with others, day by day (oh yeah, and hopefully making money doing it).
Projecting oneself is futile. Dreaming is great. Goal-making is great. Working is necessary. But projecting is what one does when they are unwilling to deal with a less-than-favorable situation by wishing it away.
Planning is okay. Obsessive planning is dumb. Think of the whole diminishing returns thing: There is a point where more planning is only adding to the “Ideas” folder and you’ve got nothing to show for any of it, at least nothing complete.

Learn to take those forced pauses in stride, gracefully. Rest. Relax. Make accommodations in your goals. Then take that pause by the horns and do what you do best (because we all know the best stories are about people who overcome odds).

And when all else fails, turn that anger and frustration into a memoir.

Let’s be smart about this.

I am all for intuition, as a writer. But the other day, I had a moment where my subconscious writing process made a leap to my consciousness, and that’s when one can all of a sudden share that process. We’ll call it a teachable moment. Whereas before what I was doing was personal and private, it was now something I could share. And here is what I have to share:

As a writer, you should be thinking about all those little things that say so much about a character. Let’s face it: no two characters should say or do anything exactly the same way. Conversely, the character should inform every decision the writer makes about what the character does, says, or even the description of them and their environment.

Like when I was tapping away at The Night of One Hundred Thieves and almost wrote, “He thought that it might be better to come out here, in the hallway east of The Great Room, and begin again with a nearby, sliding bookcase.” When I realized that my character is haughty and self-absorbed, so the sentence had to be, “It would be better to come out here, in the hallway east of The Great Room, and begin again with a nearby, sliding bookcase.” Sound trivial? It is so not. It is all the little turns of phrases that will build a character in the mind of your reader, just as it will make your writing sound more original and authentic. A good reader can sniff out a phony, will spot your inconsistencies.

Keep asking yourself, “Would [my character] do/say/think/perceive that?” Nikeas would never muse on the possible choices and their various pros and cons. He would pick one and assert its superiority, to the death. Therefore, for Nikeas, “It would be better to come out here,” while other characters might think “…it might be better…” or even rush into the door without stopping or follow the draft of air out through the crack in the door, pushing against it with all their weight. As Nikeas’ author, I am bound to emphasize the dark of the corridors, how hot (and annoyed) he is, and what small memories he has of the place. He emerges and is immediately caught by the one person who has the power to throw a wrench in his gears: a plot point which is not the only thing in the scene informing us of the story or of Nikeas. His excuse of “I am on my way to the library” is just as important as anything else I might casually point out about him, and it has to be truly his.

Now, for some more writing advice from my immensely smart writing group:

J. K. Rowling has this wonderful habit of re-describing people, sometimes with just a small phrase. We never forget that Harry has green eyes and unruly dark hair. Why do I love this? Readers are often forgetful, and it helps to recall their imagination to the physical description that you gave of them so they can recall (and solidify) the mental image they have created, of them. This helps with all sorts of other memories, as well.
Writers often (and perhaps should) have an idea of tons of character, setting, and plot details that have really no business being in the book. The second half of that sentence is my point; don’t include what you don’t need to include. Knowing all those other things, in secret, will add to the consistency and the authenticity of the book (we hope), but the reader does not need to know the half of it.
Characters introduced early in a book receive more natural sympathy. I totally just made up this piece of advice, but I truly believe in it. Of course, as the author you can work against this and make a character really awful, but all I’m saying is, if you want to play up the connection between a character and a reader, introduce them early. And don’t kill off or make early characters disappear, unless you want to mess with that reader-author trust (like on purpose). When characters are introduced first, the reader trusts that 1) these characters are important and 2) they should grow increasingly suspicious of characters that are later introduced in opposition to these “first” characters. Even if you thought the later guy was the hero.
And my favorite, so far: When arguing the line between including oft-used plot turns and character types in writing and wanting to be original, the Great Whodini piped up with this one: “It is no longer a story thing; it is a human thing.”

It is a human thing, indeed.

You know what overwhelms me? Yeah, well, plenty of things. But I am referring to my daily walks from the desk in the quiet room of the library to the restroom or drinking fountain. Book covers! There are just so many of them! There are so many great ones! And surely not all those books can be great, right? can be vying for attention in my very marketplace? Despite all the nasty self-pub covers I see on the internet, I am simply overwhelmed walking past all the lovely and great-idea covers that are out there and for sale in the bookstores or lending in the library.

Yes, I am supposed to be writing. But I have put some chapters on my book today and I was just so restless that I turned to a cover design I had been wanting to change. It’s sort of timely, as in this is the book that will hopefully go to the presses this spring. Anyhow, I love cover design. I have a small bit of experience in it. I could be much better. But then again, there are so any great ideas (perhaps infinite) that I think I can manage one of them every once in awhile.

Here is the old version. (Please ignore that the spine is upside down):

Here is the new version:

Which is better? Honestly, sometimes I am so close to the thing that I just can’t see clearly. That’s why I have a cover buddy. Yeah, since I can’t hire a cover artist (and kinda’ sorta’ don’t need to), I have a friend who is interested in graphic design, books, and art, and he lets me know what’s what. Most days, I think the cover for Benevolent has been serving me well. At the very least, the bold, clear, aqua spine jumps out on a bookshelf. I know; I’ve eyeballed it at the bookstore. And I stare at it every night as I fall asleep.

The point of this?

Give me some pointers. And get back to work.

Besides being buried under the holidays, I managed to take some new head shots in December. They are needed for book promotion in 2014, so I came in right under the line. But only when my husband–a newly signed actor–needed his head shots, did I join him and our camera in the back yard for a hundreds-of-pictures, few outfits, session. These will be used for book jackets, websites, and promotional material for The Night of One Hundred Thieves and The Family Elephant’s Jewels. What a riveting life I do lead.

As far as entertainment, movies and shows were at a low while other stimulation (games, toys) was at a high.

The Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug (2013). At the theater. Well, if you have returned to the theater for the fifth installment of this trilogy and pre-trilogy, then it’s pretty safe to say the movie would have delivered on your expectations. True, the writers are really drawing a not-very-long book out into three, long movies (think Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows), but fans are sure to enjoy it, anyway. I enjoyed it. My kids enjoyed it. And cult classics Tolkein and Lost (with Evangeline Lilly) collide.

Once Upon a Time: In Wonderland (TV series, 2013–). A couple years ago, I tried to like Once Upon a Time, but the main character just didn’t cut it for me, so I cut it. Even so, I gave the new Wonderland spin-off a try. Kevin and I were so unimpressed that we didn’t make it past the first two episodes. (You always have to make sure the pilot wasn’t a fluke.) I love the fairy tale themes, the modern twist on Alice’s insanity, etc., but it was completely flat.

Battlestar Galactica (miniseries movie and TV series, 2004-2009). Then we tried Battlestar Gallactica. Whew, was that refreshing! I felt like I was back on my first episode of Firefly. Maybe even better. This show is simply stunning. The effects are astonishing for a TV show. There is always some great plot-twist going on. You’ve got a wide ensemble cast (one of my favorite things about any story). Whatever the genre, you care about these people. It’s good stuff. Now, I could do without the constant, half-naked Cylon lady and her constant blurring of the lines between sex and religion, but despite that, we will definitely be seeing this one through.

Billy Elliot (2000). I own this one, but I haven’t seen it in a long time, so I pulled it off the shelf for a quiet night, alone. I’m going to say that there are some things here that I appreciated in a way that I couldn’t before. Just a great movie. Feel good. Triumphant. Makes you want to get up and dance. But I also love how people are motivated by love to change–even do a whole 180–because sometimes that does really happen.

I received two movies as Christmas gifts, so I thought this might be a good time to revisit them:

Grease (1978). Revisiting my early teen years, with this one. We had this cassette, as well as The Sound of Music and Beaches, within arm’s reach of the VCR at any given time. It is helpful that I know all of the songs, because you do want to sing along, but otherwise we’re just talking a real classic, here. If you can stomach musicals, you should have seen this by now. (Note: On closer inspection, I can’t recommend this one for pre-pubescent kids or family time, even if it is fun to sing along.)

Beaches (1988). So, I think it was probably because death had visited our little family during our formative years, but this melancholy, musical romp was a big part of my cinema education. Even now, I marvel at the acting and the story arch, even though some of it is probably out-dated (and I still don’t really like Hilary’s character). I also couldn’t get over how great a match Mayim Bailik was for a kid version of Bette Midler. In the end, it’s about friends and support. Duh: it spawned one of the biggest musical hits of the 80s, “Wind Beneath My Wings.” However, only CC’s great Broadway numbers leave me singing long after the movie is over.

We also gained some titles for our Christmas DVD library, this year:

He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985). I grabbed this on impulse buy, but how could I pass it up? We were big He-Man and She-Ra fans as kids, so I just knew this would take me back. Can’t recommend it on anything but nostalgia, although the kids seem to like it.

Home Alone (1990). I thought my son would enjoy this one, as he did. That, and we had all sorts of fun conversations about what we would do if we were accidentally left home alone. If you are over 25 and have never seen this, I don’t know what rock you were under in the early 90s. It’s a Christmas classic, even if it isn’t my absolute favorite.

Peanuts Deluxe Holiday Collection (1965 for A Charlie Brown Christmas). I had actually been looking for a collection just like this, so that we could enjoy Charlie Brown at Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And even though I am likely to force my kids to sit through these once a year along with Rudoph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966), I can understand that their calm, sometimes derogatory and dysthymic brand of comedy is lost on modern kids (and even adults). Pure throw-back.

Nativity Story (2006). We had this given to us awhile ago, and have never gotten around to watching it. Full of speculation and guessing (as all Bible-to-movie art must be), I appreciate this movie because it means something to me. I will watch it again and use it as a tool to teach my kids about their Christmas heritage. Cinematically, it is only okay. And where are the singing hosts? And why is Mary so mellow all the time?

And here are my family’s personal highlights of the Christmas gifting season:

Wii Just Dance (Kids and Disney) and Wii Mariokart. We are always a little behind on the technology, and I am not a huge fan of gamers, but we have managed to make the Wii work for us. We all love to play Just Dance, and MarioKart is a standard. As far as board games, Temple Run (yes, the board game) has sort of freaked out one of my kids, while Apples to Apples and The Hobbit LEGO Game have been real winners.
Discovery Kids Extreme Weather Tornado Lab (a water cyclone in a jar, basically, run by a motor) and a lava lamp. My son just can’t get enough of these, except that he’s started seeing faces in the lava. He runs the tornado as he builds (see below).
Big Boots. This is a new entrant into the mounds of “pretend” toys that litter my son’s room. This particular series involves little men that can never fall over (like muscular Weebles) and dinosaurs and Yeti.
LEGOs. Can’t live without ‘em. Both my six-year-old boy and nine-year-old girl “got into them” in the same year. They spend hours and hours many days using directions to build various things. And we have to keep them organized. My son’s building arsenal also extends to blocks, K’Nex, Bionicles, etc.
Rainbow Loom. Of course, the nine-year-old had to have one of these and has been looming happily since last summer (when she received an inferior brand that was replaced over the holidays). She also has a box for all those different colors of rubber bands, with her name puffy-painted on the front. Perfect! Of course, her crafting gifts did not even begin to end there…
Old fashioned accessories, hair paint, and nail polish. Girls will be girls, and need a fifteen-strong cube of glitter nail polish. (Note: girl’s accessories came in the craziest of over-sized boxes this year. I kid not, they could make ten headbands into a table-sized gift. Only slight exaggeration.)
Despicable Me 2 Fart Blaster. Not only does the gifted enjoy this, but every kid who comes over to play, and many (esp. young, male) grownups who walk through the room of toys. You know your in-laws really love their grandson when they are willing to hand over a toy of which the sole purpose is to make fart noises.
(Some outdoor toys might have made this list, but there’s no telling yet, due to weather.)
Art easel and other art supplies, as well as instruments. I paint and draw. Kev acts and plays bass. So our son doodles and daughter crafts and crafts with no end in sight.
Cash. That was my husband’s favorite. As far as I can tell, he like to ferret it away and count it in secret.
Kitchen blow torch. Creme brule, here I come! Plus, Momma in the kitchen with a blow torch: awesome.
New clothes at New Years sale prices. Possibly my favorite. Not only do I get new clothes, but I get to pick them out and shop. Triple threat.
Waffle iron. The family favorite, because we can’t wait to use it.
And finally, but best of all, books!: Cool Creations in 35 Pieces (a LEGO book, Sean Kenney), The LEGOs Idea Book (DK), Doctor Proctor’s Fart Powder (Jo Nesbo), Dragonbreath #1 (Ursula Vernon), Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew (series, Carolyn Keene), The Secret Series (Pseudonymous Bosch), The National Audoban Society Field Guide to Spiders and Insects , and 39 Clues (series, collaborative authors), as well as the cookbooks Pok Pok and The Cake Bible .

Have you managed any New Year’s Resolutions, yet? Are any of them writing-related? I, for example, have goals to write my business plan, to read and review more than 40 books, to publish two of my novels, edit another for Owl and Zebra, and win at NaNoWriMo 2014. Which brings up my first point of the blog entry: don’t bother keeping up with the Joneses (or, in the writing world, with the Kings). And I’ll tell you why: much of the time, the Joneses are headed where you don’t want to head, anyway, or they’re faking it. You aren’t the Joneses. So why the big leap from my resolutions to the Joneses? I just want you to calm down, that’s all. Stop making other people’s goals and stop making yourself feel bad. Truth is, most of us don’t even meet our own resolutions and yet we are much more likely to accomplish things when we set a goal (one figure I just heard was ten times more likely if we make a New Year’s Resolution). So make your own goals, make them clear and attainable, and make them big and bold.

In honor of the New Year, I want to dedicate the month of January to catch up on my “self help” reading (as opposed to the mountains of novels, plays, poetry, and nonfiction that I read for this blog). And in honor of that dedication, I want to share my top ten list of self help books. (As best I can tell, “self help” books fall into three categories: physical, mental, and psychological, so health and diet do count, as well as–I think–relationship books like Men Are From Mars and financial self-help.)

Top Ten Self Help Books (According to My Rather Limited Reading, In No Particular Order; Note: Dates reflect newest edition, not original publication date):

Boundaries (When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life), Henry Cloud and John Townsend, 1992. (Relationship, Psychological, Religious.) This book really changed the way I looked at my relationships, and lots of people change drastically after being enlightened by this one. What? Boundaries? Oh yeah; you should have some.

Love & Respect (The Love She Most Desires; the Respect He Desperately Needs), Emerson Eggerichs, 2004. (Relationship, Religious.) This books is similar to a Mars-Venus approach to men and women, but it concentrates on the needs of each. I love how it emphasizes reciprocation: one of you has to start loving/respecting the other, first.

The 5 Love Languages (The Secret to Love That Lasts), Gary Chapman, 2009. (Relationship.) I will be the first to admit that the categories can be a bit oversimplified, and yet it sheds so much light on the needs and desires of those close to us, and on how we feel loved, in return. If you believe people learn different ways, its not hard to figure that they love in different “languages.”

The Ultramind Solution (Fix Your Broken Brain By Healing Your Body First), Mark Hyman, 2008. (Psychology, Health, Diet.) This is a wonderfully intriguing book, chock full of research. If you enjoy health and/or nutrition like I do, it’s a fascinating read. If you struggle with something as simple as sadness or stress all the way up to bipolar disorder, it’s definitely worth a read.

The Ultimate Cheapskate’s Road Map to True Riches (A Practical (and Fun) Guide to Enjoying Life More By Spending Less), Jess Yeager, 2007. (Finance.) This book is fun to read, and if you take Yeager at his word, could change your life forever. I would recommend reading it along with some practical plan, like Dave Ramsey (or another, non-religious, conservative financial advice person), but it will make you laugh while you cut back on spending, and sigh with relief at the weight that is lifted.

The Total Money Makeover (A Proven Plan for Financial Fitness), Dave Ramsey, 2009. (Finance, Religious.) This book is so not for sissies, but if you swallow his straight-forward approach to finance, it’s a game changer. It’s one of those things where you have to buy in or cash out, but we are a Dave Ramsey family and I love his finance theory… and the reality.

Prescription for Nutritional Healing (A Practical A-to-Z Reference to Drug-Free Remedies Using Vitamins, Minerals, Herbs, and Food Supplements), Phyllis A. Balch, 2010. (Health.) I just love my Nutritional Healing. It takes a long time to get used to running to this resource instead of running to CVS, but I have been rewarded for the times that I took a calmer, quieter approach to my own health. I also appreciate that it discusses various treatments and even indicates when you should be headed to the general practitioner or turning to more conventional medications. For my kids, I have usedNaturally Healthy Babies and Children (A Commonsense Guide to Herbal Remedies, Nutrition, and Health), Aviva Jill Romm and William Sears, 2003.

Nourishing Traditions (The Cookbook That Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats), Suzie Fallon, 2003. (Health, Diet.) I can’t say I love all of her recipes or the sometimes-hokiness of it all, but I can say that I absolutely appreciate the points that she makes and the overthrow of the current American idea of a healthy diet. This book really changed the way I looked at diet, and just led me to plenty of other great books out there, like Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and others.

Treat Your Own Back, Robin McKenzie, 2009. (Health, Fitness.) I was lucky my doctor recommended this book as soon as I was injured. It has become a way of life, for me, and it should be part of every person’s life if (and when) they deal with back injuries and back pain. Why live with pain and constant intervention when simple exercises can keep you healthy and active, most of the time?

Life’s Healing Choices (Freedom From Your Hurts, Habits, and Hang-Ups), John Baker and Rick Warren, 2013. (Relationship, Mental, Psychological, 12-Step, Religious.) I have a special affection for this book because I have been involved with a 12-step program for the last five years, and am currently teaching, leading, promoting, recruiting… doing whatever it takes to get people with “hurts, habits, and hang-ups” through those doors. Like people who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, sure, but also people who are angry, or abused, or anxious or… Sound like you? It is. So if you want recovery light, this book is a great place to start.

My TBR (Note: I thankfully do not suffer from all the ailments and issues that these books cover, but sometimes I read them for insight or for others):

More Attention, Less Deficit, Ari Tuckman.
Taking Back the Month, Diana Taylor and Stacey Colino.
Jump Off the Hormone Swing, Lorraine Pintus.
Hay Fever and Allergies, Case Adams PhD.
When the Brain Can’t Hear, Teri James Bellis, PhD.
Migraine Brains and Bodies, C. M. Shifflett.
The Migraine Solution, Liz Neporent.
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide, David J. Miklowitz.
The Bipolar Workbook, Monica Ramirez Basco.
Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Julie A. Fast.
Best Friends, Worst Enemies, Michael Thompson.
The Successful Child, William Sears, Martha Sears, and Elizabeth Pantley.
And two other books with topics too personal to divulge.

How many will I get through before January ends?