Cathy Burnham Martin's Blog, page 113

Let’s end the month with a bit of levity, with a nod of apology to all my friends who have served in law enforcement. This story so fondly reminds me of my dear mother-in-law, I simply had to share it.

A lovely, mature woman got pulled over for speeding… and the conversation begins.

Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license, please?

Woman: I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?!?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

Now the officer looks at the woman as he slowly backs away to his car and calls for back- up. Within minutes 5 police cruisers have encircled her car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Senior Officer 2: Ma’am, please step out of your vehicle!

The woman steps out of her car.

Woman: Is there some problem sir?

Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman, sputtering: Murdered the owner?

Senior Officer: Yes, would you open the trunk of your vehicle, please?

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Senior Officer: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Oh, yes. Here are the registration papers.

She hands him her documents, and the Senior Officer is quite stunned.

Senior Officer: My officer claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag, pulls out her license, and hands it to the Senior Officer. He examines the license and looks quite puzzled.

Senior Officer: Thank you, ma’am. My officer said you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman, with wide eyes: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

(Smile. But, noooooo…. I do not recommend trying this!)

(Image by Mohamen Hassan)

Tears fill my eyes each and every time I hear the song, “God Bless the U.S.A.”

“And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free. And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.”

— Lee Greenwood (1943 – )

American singer and songwriter

On Memorial Day, especially, we pause to remember and honor all military personnel who sacrificed their lives for our freedom. Each one was first someone’s son or daughter, parent, sibling, neighbor, spouse, or friend. I give thanks that such strength exists.

“We need to stop being so hyper-focused on gender, race, age, and sexual stereotyping. Live and let live for crying out loud. From my perspective, we’ve gone so overboard with attempts to not insult someone or stereotype something about them that divisiveness is now the rule… far too often.”

― Cathy Burnham Martin, American author, voiceover artist & dedicated foodie

From 2017 book: “The Bimbo Has Brains: And Other Freaky Facts”

(Image by Gerd Altmann)

Pick a burger, any burger… fresh or frozen. Today is the day to dig in! Choose your favorite, be it a basic burger or the cheesiest possible. Perhaps you like some of the nation’s regional flavor twists or a simple BBQ-style. Others must decide to lean toward spicy or mild, beef or a meat combination, or a preferred veggie burger. For me, I often opt for a stuffed or even double-stuffed variety. That said, here’s my own rendition from 2009. Still worthy today.

Super Simple Mushroom-Stuffed Burgers

1 T olive oil

1-1½ c sliced button or baby portabella mushrooms (cut, if large)

½ c finely chopped sweet onion

1 lb ground beef

2 T steak sauce (any variety)

1 T freshly ground black pepper

½ c shredded Swiss cheese (or other fave)

Sauté mushrooms & onions in olive oil over medium heat for 2 minutes; set aside to cool to room temperature. Combine beef, steak sauce, and pepper; shape into 8 (4”) patties. On 4 patties, divide mushroom mixture and cheese, not quite to edges. Top with remaining patties, pinching edges to seal well; flatten slightly, keeping edges sealed. Grill on medium hot grill for 2-3 minutes per side for medium-rare, 3-4 minutes per side for medium. Serve on toasted buns with your choice of toppings such as bacon, lettuce and tomato slices, and whatever condiments you enjoy.  I find them particularly tasty simply topped with a spicy mustard and crispy fried onions. Of course, a generous slice of extra cheese and some sliced pickles never hurt! Makes 4 burgers.

“If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves.”

— Thomas Edison (1847 – 1931)

American inventor & businessman

Fly! Fly! Fly! Every May 26th comes this simple day of fanciful fun for children and adults. If you like folding your own paper airplanes, you may know the whimsical term “aerogami,” a nod to origami, the Japanese art of paper folding. So have fun folding and flying. If your competitive spirit flutters, you may enjoy also knowing that today’s competitions tend toward 2 basic paper airplane flight categories… distance and time in the air.  Have fun in flight!

(Image by Febrian Spaputra)

“Master the perception principle.  Learn to know yourself.  Know the real person deep within you.”

— Norman Vincent Peale (1898 – 1993)

American Protestant clergyman and author

from his best-selling book, “The Power of Positive Thinking”

(Photo by Katrina Wright)

“A fanatic is someone who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”

— Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

British statesman, soldier & author; former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

From an article in the “New York Times,” July 5, 1954

“One man’s civil disobedience may be another man’s riot. One man’s riot may be another man’s civil disobedience. Our definition tends to vary based on which side of a protest we stand.”

— Cathy Burnham Martin

American author, voiceover artist & dedicated foodie

(Photo by Joe Yates)

Very little rivals the nutritious scrumptiousness of a freshly picked strawberry! Raw or cooked, they are simply yummy! By request, I just made a strawberry-rhubarb pie for hubby… a favorite of his. (He actually wanted it for Christmas, but I was unable to get rhubarb till now.) Another favorite of ours was a dessert offering at a former restaurant in Manchester, NH. Locals will likely remember Spatt’s on the Massabesic Traffic Circle. We’d go there for their fabulous prime rib and king crab legs, but if we had room, the “Strawberry Blossoms” were a must for dessert! (No, not the flowers.) Naturally, (back in 2008) I had to create my own recipe in tribute. Enjoy!

Super Simple Stuffed Strawberry Blossoms a la Spatt’s

3 oz cream cheese (plain or strawberry), softened to room temperature

2 T confectioner’s sugar (or Splenda-type substitute)

1 T sour cream

12 large, fresh strawberries, hulled; berry tips cut partway thru for “petals”

½ c semi-sweet chocolate chips (or some chocolate syrup)

12 large, fresh blueberries

Fresh mint leaves, torn into 12 mini leaf bits

Beat cream cheese, sugar & sour cream together till light.  Spoon into a plastic food storage bag, pressing into one corner; snip off the tip of the filled corner with scissors, forming a pastry bag. Push that tip down into the center of each strawberry & squeeze out some cheese filling, so it shows between the “petals.”

Melt the chocolate with 1 T water in the microwave; stir.  With a spoon, drizzle chocolate over the blossoms.  Top each with a blueberry and add a bit of mint by each berry.  Chill till serving time.  Makes 1 dozen blossoms.

Notes: A fun twist is adding 1-2 T of a favorite liquor, such as Peachtree or Amaretto to the cheese mixture. You can also make these even easier by replacing cheese mixture with whipped cream straight out of the can.