Ana’s Comments (group member since Jan 08, 2016)

Ana’s comments from the Our Shared Shelf group.

Hey, Vern! What a great topic to discuss. It's obvious that you've joined us with plenty to bring to the table. :)

First of all, I need to say that I was pretty much just the same as you - comfortably shrouded in my privilege that enabled me to afford to be ignorant to this issue. And, I still feel I am. Therefore I'd like to just share my general thoughts and leave others who are more knowledgeable speak! :)

Do you have the article, by the way? It'd be great if you could post it here. :)

I think the exclusion of trans voices from feminism has definitely been an issue in the past, at least when it comes to Western feminism? In more than one way it was aimed at white, cis, straight women -the self-imposed mainstream. Either by means of refuting their very existence (and therefore more intentional), or simply by glossing over them, by not mentioning them.

Nowadays, from what I seem to take from my readings and my attempt to better understand the structures of power, inequality and dominance that have been so far intrinsic to our world, there seems to be a change. If anything, TERFS and similar antagonists have to face more often, and louder, the well-deserved anger of trans women who are reclaiming their space and right to exist. I feel like the debate is also far more in the open, that it is easier than it used to be for the average audience to be introduced to these issues (how they react to them, sadly, is a whole different story...)

Unfortunately I think we are very far from considering the exclusion of trans women a thing of the past. Mostly I think we are still so uneducated? Still so very nestled in our privilege? I need to think a bit to recall particular examples, but I definitely have seen trans voices calling out TERFS on their words and actions online. Sometimes I have been able to understand almost immediately. Sometimes it has required me to actively make an effort to understand. Sometimes I must confess I have thought, Wait, I don't agree on this. Or, I really don't get what is being said here. And, I feel that is OK. We haven't been brought up in a world that is aware and welcoming and safe for all of us. It's hard to unlearn and then plant new seeds.

However, I try not to get defensive, and I try not to make it about me. That's where I feel that we fail, on a small-scale basis. I don't know whether it's the apparatus of media, conservativeness and/or patriarchy behind it, but I feel as if the reason cis women who otherwise identify as feminists fail to deal with the existence and validity of trans women is that they feel that their womanhood is threatened.. A lot of times, when we cis women are too quick to turn to passive aggressiveness, defensiveness, whataboutism, not-all-ism and overall rejection of trans women, it seems that we feel our identities are threatened. We fear that we're going to lose our spot under the focus. We think others' womanhood takes away from ours, because we understand ours as the only one that can exist.


That is harmful and unfair. That is our failure in not acknowledging our privilege in being cisgender. We need to cultivate humbleness and willingness to sit down and listen to others. We need to try and take any opportunity to educate ourselves. Trans folks are assaulted and killed and see their rights and identities denied on a daily basis. They are much more likely to see themselves vulnerable to marginalisation. And, our defining ourselves as feminists does not grant us a pass out of society's responsibility in this.

Hello and welcome, Lujain, Jon and Veronica!

I for one applaud that we are getting new mods in our team - looking forward to their contributions and perspectives!

As for myself, I know that reconnecting to the forum is one of my resolutions for 2019. Life is busy and crazy and sometimes it forces you to vary your focus on things depending on the season you are. That has most definitely been my own case, for which I would like to apologise. However, the reasons why I joined OSS and its mod team remain unchanged, and so I am hoping to be truly back. And, I'm glad to see people still around, in whichever capacity they generously offer to be. :)

Hello everybody! Well, surely enough if you're opening this thread you reached the end of the book...and so, I am curious to hear...

...am I alone in thinking the narrator isn't exactly a saint either? Haha. So your husband comes to you, and openly confesses that he murdered his former wife...and you don't feel morally conflicted? We are only shown that she's eventually relieved to learn that he never loved Rebecca -now he can *love* her, and her alone.

No inner turmoil because her husband took a human life, irregardless of how Rebecca was. No reflection on how, under the right mix of circumstances, he might as well end up killing her, too. No nothing. She 'grows up', she's now ready to stand by her darling forever, and damned be anything else, including her own sense of worth, and her conscience, while we're at it.

I know that, up to varying degrees, all of the characters are products of their time, but it sort of baffles me that nobody will say anything about how the narrator keeps mum about that murder without batting an eye. If she suffers, it's not because of any moral conflict -no, she's just troubled that Maxim might be caught and she might lose him. To me, what with her doormat-ish character, her apparent lack of intellectual interest and her laissez-faire attitude about the crimes that her peach of a husband committed, she isn't exactly a nice person, either. Not to mention how righteous she comes across in several occasions, and the way she speaks of others that are regarded as inferior to her once she has risen a bit in the laddle -e.g. her cruel description of Ben.

I think that because the narrator is weak, meek and mousy, we sort of forget about her other traits. To me she is dull, sure, but she also shows no intention of developing her skills, her interests if she has any, her personality traits. She doesn't take care of herself, she shrugs through her entire life. And then, when the time comes, she gladly swallows the pill and thinks nothing of it all. She lacks morals just as much as she lacks everything else. Perhaps she's not actively bad, but she's no angel either, and frankly, I also don't see her as innocent and naïve as she portrays herself to be.

Curious about your thoughts!

Jiyeah Emilia Ree wrote: "Hi all, I'm doing research on feminist activism and sexual health in South Korea. I've written a bit about South Korean feminism on my blog, realkoreans.com (can I link that here? If it's not allow..."

I think this should be OK. :) You're not pimping it up and front and it's relevant.

What is the general perception about feminism in South Korea? I have two very good male South Korean friends and I think they are pretty good at understanding gender equality notions -they're pretty open minded in a way that, I think, is not standard maybe for guys there. But I'm not sure that they'd define themselves as feminists.

Hi Katrina,

Unfortunately, and as Emma mentioned, yes, this announcement does infringe our rules against self-promotion. However, we encourage you to stay in the group and take part in all the conversations that are of your interest.

Many thanks for your understanding and kindest regards!

Robin wrote: "Is that a woman giving birth?

Yes.

That is sometimes what happens, even to women who are very free-spirited.

I'm not concerned with that right now.

Is she? I'm not in her life right now.

Neith..."

Robin, I can't even really distinguish very clearly what the troll posted, but I'm so sorry that you had to bump into their nastiness. We are doing what we can to keep them at bay!

Well...this is a book that I had previously read, so at least I'll be able to catch up just nicely!

From a literary point of view, I have to admit that I am not a very big fan of Kaur's poetry. :) However, she obviously has a gift in attracting people to her words and it'll be interesting to focus on the messages underlying this book, rather than investing time on other, more literary aspects.

Do keep in mind the deadlines, since I remember them being fairly tight!

I really hope some of you get to go. I heard it's all paid for!

Lauren wrote: "I actually have a shelf of books dedicated to Japanese Feminism, so this is amazing. Thank you for sharing!"

Lauren, would you mind if I PMed you asking for some recs? :D <3

I am not at all an expert, but I will share some of mine here or somewhere else later. Meanwhile may I reccomend you to look into the Seito (Bluestocking) literary group? :)

Mitch wrote: "Hi everyone! Is it possible that anyone could give me a free copy of Heart Berries? I'm having trouble with accessing the website to download a copy. Here's my email: x

Thank you!"

Hey Mitch! We do not condone illegal downloads here and I'd suggest you keep an eye on the Pay It Forward section to try and get a chance to read the book, if you weren't able to buy it or your library didn't carry it. Also, I am removing your previous comment so as to prevent spam or any other inappropriate use of your email address by third parties - better safe than sorry! Otherwise, welcome to OSS and happy reading! :)

Hello! Still some 20% away from finishing the book and, just as many other readers here, completely floored and moved by Terese's great writing. However, there's something on my mind that I wanted to share here and just see what you folks think about.

First things first, a disclaimer: my writing this post is not meant at all as something I took offence at, but rather as something that I felt it was lacking, or perhaps not sufficiently explained, in my opinion only, throughout the book. I already feel kinda conflicted about even being somewhat critical about the book here because I know that, being white, I am often missing so much of the picture even when I don't think I am. All this goes to say, I will gladly stand corrected if my impressions aren't quite right. Oh, and I am not, hmmmm...scared of feeling uncomfortable when my ethnicity is called out in a text. :)

That being said...I feel like throughout the book there are several moments where the author opposes Indian thoughts and notions of life to white ones, or better said yet, the lack thereof. The author's mother taught her about 'the deficit that white people leave'. There are a few snide remarks on white people throughout the book, such as when the author sees C's alleged lover's dog and says that it reminded her of a white woman's dog. This one did make me roll my eyes a bit, because I truly can't really imagine what should the dog of a woman belonging to any given ethnicity look like (then again, I am so not a dog person, haha.)

...But the thing is, for all of this opposition between Indian identity and way of being and culture and, say, whiteness, I missed the former being more present in the text? Now, I know this is the author's book and she has no responsibility to also make it any sort of guide on Indian culture while she was at it. I know this book is not meant to educate anybody, let alone your random white girl. However...I still felt like Indian culture was not all that much there? So at some of her claims I would have to, hmmm, follow her because of the idea that she comes from a people that is outside the white mainstream that she describes, and to top it off *I* belong to that mainstream, so my duty is to listen and not question her? Which is healthy for a change for us white people, but I would have wanted to walk out of the text understanding the concrete why here? The context?

Hopefully I am making myself clear. I am just curious to know your thoughts. Particularly, if we were lucky enough to have members who are also Indian / of Indian descent. :)

Hmmmm. I'm not sure whether this should be moved and where. Perhaps if we turned this into a free resources kinda thread, but surely enough we already have one like that. Lemme take a look.

...In the meantime, and being the huge nerd that I am when it comes to Japan, I am so happy to see this here, yay! Especially when it's equally free in Amazon Spain. :D

Well, today I am sharing here something that might be very appealing to some of our youngest female members (those of us who are either too old, sigh, to apply / do not identify as female can still spread the word!)...

Copying their About section here. Full disclaimer - my post here does not involve an official endorsement of any kind whatsoever between OSS and this initiative, nor am I involved with them in any way. However, I will say an acquaintance of mine did take part on this back in her day and cannot recommend it enough, which is how I actually came to know about it.

While advocating for change at a global level, we work at the community and individual level by making strategic investments in girls and women, aged 15-25 in 20+ countries. We do this so they can pursue opportunities at home and abroad. In partnership with the private sector, social profit sector and individuals, we are able to provide skills building workshops (entrepreneurship, financial preparedness, communications, technology navigation, leadership, etc.); a global Summit; global mentorships; and, coaching so that each of our participants can launch their own program/initiative to empower others. G(irls)20 is also the driving force behind Fathers Empowering Daughters, Bootcamp For Brains and Girls on Boards.

Kindly click here for more info and how to apply. Should any of you get to go, please share your experience here if you'd like! :)

I'm more than halfway through the book and all I can say for now is that it's hard not to be moved by it, and also that it takes a lot of effort not to judge the author in more than a few moments. I'm just glad she survived all of this. Not many would.

Ashwin wrote: "My view:
I feel that by being colour conscious, we create a divide where the majority become the normal and everyone else a "different colour".

Hmmm. But the thing here is, even if people of colour are the majority in certain countries, this does not mean that they get to be regarded as such by their (former) colonizers and/or the rest of the world. The white mainstream is still more powerful.

Yup, me too I was taught, on an immediate level but also by the system, to be blind to colour. At this point of the conversation I think I don't really need to further add up to others' eloquent posts. I'll simply confirm that while the original intention was, indeed, good, that results aren't, really.

We are all different yet equal.

I wouldn't reject this statement, but I would say it is a conclusion rather than a starting point? Hopefully I am making myself clear. Standing on equal terms is, ultimately, the leitmotif and driving force of all social movements fighting for a better world with regard to race, gender and so on. We can and we should think, therefore, that we are all different yet equal. The problem, and by saying this I mean mainly the problem for what is considered mainstream aka white people, is that more often than not we think it's enough just with throwing out there those words without having previously done our homework.

This is what I mean by this argument being better used as a conclusion rather than a starting point. What does different mean? What does normalmean? What is our position and who conferred such position to us that we feel confident in using such terms? These and many, many other questions. We must first come to an understanding, even if merely a very basic one for starters, of several facts. Only then, knowing these facts, we can, and we totally should say: but we are all equal, and act accordingly.

Only those of us who have the privilege of being classified into the mainstream can afford the luxury of colour blindness.

Wondering how this thread doesn't have more comments! Then again, perhaps many of our fellow members would rather wait until they've read / started to delve into the book. Not that I would be one of those, hehe. ;)

Yesterday I was finally able to start and I actually got through 25% of the book, so I think the weekend should be a nice moment to hear Terese reading to us, and how cool of her to do that for OSS! :D

Hello! I have yet to start reading the book because life just won't stop over here, however and since I knew the synopsis, let me pop by with some thoughts...

Are our traumas (if we have some) a legacy from our parents?

Nnnnot necessarily in my opinion. It would depend on the particular trauma and its extent. If it comes to the point where it interferes with the parents' life, then obviously it's going to have an effect on the children, one way or another, however that doesn't necessarily entails that they are inheriting those traumas.

In more extreme cases, such as abuse and domestic violence that the parent later replicates on the family, then, sadly, yes. I should still add an addendum that I am privileged enough to come from a fairly stable family where, although we of course have some sad memories and difficult trials, nothing would even come close to be defined as a trauma.

Can a trauma, either solved or not, have an impact on our children?

If it's solved, perhaps not that much? If anything, even, a positive one. You would know what it entails and would be better equipped to advise your children against whatever it is? Again, luckily I have no personal experience that would make me speak from experience.


Are traumas mainly created or given during childhood?

I would not really say so. For instance, you have many people who had normal, pleasant childhoods and then grew up to be victims of abuse in their teenagehood, or in their early adult years, or at any point of their lives, really. Traumatic events can take place at any moment of your life and they can be just as destructive irregardless of when they take place.

I think the thing with childhood traumas is that they are sadly even easier to go undetected, to just fly under the radar. Kids don't really have that many tools to process stuff and to realise that they are going through something that they should not, or to actually perceive that they are suffering in a way that is going to leave ugly scars or even untreated wounds later. Plus the general understanding is that kids are so resilient!!!. Which, not really, but the result of this all is that many kids do indeed swallow everything and stay silent. Then later certain things appear and once you track things back, well, they stem from a certain place.

What does qualify as a trauma? I'm asking this question to myself aloud because to be perfectly honest, I am not sure whether some of the events of my life could qualify as such. Namely, I was a victim of bullying all throughout elementary school and even well into high school. Ever since I was a very young girl and up until I was a tween, I was subjected on a regular basis to verbal abuse from quite a few of my peers and even a teacher. The former would very incidentally even resort to minor physical violence. This would stop in high school, but the verbal side of it did not really disappear. I was tormented frequently for my good grades, for my hobbies, for my lack of gymnastic skills, for pretty much whatever they could find that would make me vulnerable. I was told to shut up. I was isolated often. It hurt most when it'd come from some of my actual friends.

I, of course, wish it would have been different, but that's how things went. Children, albeit not fully accountable for their acts, can be very cruel. They are also vulnerable, which is why I became a victim, although one with the constant, inconditional love and support of my family.

Now, can those events be considered traumatic? Hmmm. I am not sure. Depends to what you measure them. I do know that I've grown up to be a very insecure person. I can be very, very harsh with myself and I am always seeking perfection or else I come down on myself mercilessly. Things that I do and think will sometimes show a very low self-esteem. I used to be, and in a certain, very vague way, still am, horribly grateful whenever people would be kind and seem to seek my friendship, because why would anyone want that? Things like that. :)

I am now a grown woman and as such I have learned to identify the signs and the issues themselves! :) I am doing my best to heal and I wouldn't say that I am broken in any way. However, lately as I've grown older I've often reflected on my childhood. I was often praised by my family for being a very strong, stubborn little girl who would not surrender to peer pressure or mistreatment. While that is true, I just wonder whether many of my shortcomings come from the years when these things affected me but from which I would seemingly come out unscathed. In this way, perhaps I suffer from past trauma. :)

Julia wrote: "I really, really recommend this Norwegian TV Show called "SKAM", which translates to "Shame" in English. It's a really revolutionary show that drops clips daily and then those clips are combined at..."

Heard about SKAM, thanks for the reminder that I should watch it! Highly wary of an American remake, however. Those tend to end up being a dissapointment.

Emma wrote: I am assuming you've never been in a women's bathroom - some women can be so freaking messy, too! I've seen some really gross stuff, humans (of any gender) can be slobs.

Would like to confirm. You think you hold the monopoly of grossness, you guys? Lemme tell y'all about my old, girls-only student dorm and its bathrooms. Tangles of hair on the floor, the rubbish bin overflowing with garbage of all sizes and varieties and #neverforget the rolled, bloodied sanitary pad that lived comfortably snuggled in the shower pipes for the entirety of my stay there. I can't make this stuff up, haha. True story.

I also would be fine with unisex toilets, I think! That way we don't have to give it any extra thought. Brownie points for the toilet of one of my favourite cafes in Beijing, where not only there's a single toilet for customers but there's a sign that says All genders toilet! I was pleasantly surprised. :)