Ruby’s Comments (group member since Jun 20, 2016)

Ruby’s comments from the Write, Wrote, Written II group.

Another old piece of writing... huh, seems like that's all I have these days...


PROLOGUE

It was the dead of night. Nothing stirred. The only sound in the big house was the steady drip drip coming from the leaky faucet in the upstairs bathroom. Downstairs, in the empty kitchen, dishes were stacked neatly in the cupboards, silverware and cups all nicely put away, and the table was clean and clear. In fact, the only evidence of the house being completely deserted was the thin layer of dust that coated everything. That and the fact that if you looked in the food cupboards you would find that they were stripped bare. In the living room, chairs and couches were spread around, with a large TV in the center of the room with a small coffee table in front of it, and that room, too, seemed as if somebody must live there. Everything was put away and prettied up, but again, the tables were bare, along with the couches and countless bookshelves that lined the walls. And again, too, a thin layer of dust coated the entire room. The rest of the house was clean, yet creepily deserted in the same manner. Four bedrooms upstairs, all beds neatly made, yet if you were to peek in one of the closets or dressers, you would find the shelves and hangers in the same condition as the lower floor. Empty. Bare. Abandoned.

But, in one small bedroom, near the eastern end of the house, a bedroom painted all pink and white, a small girl sat, knees drawn up to her chin, shivering. You would never have noticed her if you were to glance into the room. She was partly hidden by the open closet door. But she didn’t seem to care. She only sat there, shivering. For what seemed like hours she didn’t move a muscle. Nor did she sleep. She simply sat there. After a while the shivering and shaking eased up, slowed, and came to a stop altogether. She just sat there for a while, and it looked like she was deep in thought. Eventually, as the first light of dawn slowly creeped over the horizon, she got up, her skinny little legs and stick-like figure giving her a skeleton-like appearance in the half-light. She slowly stretched and made her way towards the door, hardly glancing at the empty shelves or neat bed. Her little feet made small prints in the dust that covered the floor.

And as she moved, you would have noticed something odd about her, like she didn’t exactly walk around the furniture, she sort of… flowed… or just moved… you couldn’t explain it. Her dark brown, uneven, hair seemed to just fly about her as she darted around furniture, uneven floorboards, and small coffee tables. As she made her way through the rooms, and down the stairs, you would find that she seemed to be going towards the kitchen. And if you were to follow her more, you would find that you were correct. She slowed down to a walk as she entered the kitchen. As she crossed it and went for the sink, she seemed to relax a bit, as if she knew she was safe if she had made it this far. Her dark, chocolate-y brown eyes stopped darting around frantically, as if looking for something… something to jump out at her, perhaps.

But, here in the kitchen her mind looked at rest. Her hands stopped twisting in her lap, and the muscles in her neck stopped tensing at every little creak her tiny feet made on the old- yet clean except for the dust- floorboards. She walked over to the sink and looked into the large basin. Finding it empty, she reached over and took a cup from the cupboards and turned on the faucet. Cold water trickled into her glass. She quickly gulped it down and turned off the water. The girl, who looked about four or five, probably five, stood there for a moment, staring at the slowly draining water in the sink. But suddenly she straightened, every muscle in her body tensed and ready. Slowly, carefully, she turned around, set the glass on the immaculate countertop, and squinted into the shadows of the room connecting.

The girl stood there for a few moments, trying desperately to see through the gloom. Searching, searching… searching for the cause of that terrifying sound she knew so well. The cause of that howl, that scream. But as she peered through the growing light, she saw nothing. That is, until she saw something. A shrill scream from the girl broke the silence as a huge wolf leapt out of the shadows.

It was completely black, except for it’s bright green eyes, which seemed to glow in the half-light. Two-inch claws scraped the floor as if slowly made it’s way towards the frightened girl. She began shaking again. She had gone completely silent, but her eyes were fixated on the huge black wolf getting slowly closer, and then closer, until it was close enough that if she wanted, the girl could reach out and touch it’s sleek black coat.

“Child, do not be alarmed”, the wolf spoke in a surprisingly calm voice, and even more surprising, in English.

The girl shook her head and backed up until her spine was pressed up against the edge of the sink. She glanced around her, terrified. She shut her eyes, squeezing them so hard tears sprouted from under her eyelids. She whimpered, expecting the blow any moment now. But the wolf didn’t bite her. Or harm her. It simply stood there, almost to the girl’s shoulders in height. She opened her eyes just the slightest bit to see the wolf… almost smiling...grinning… It spoke again.

“Child, you are here in this house all alone, where is your family? Brothers? Sisters? I had the impression quite a large family lived here.”

The young girl shook her head. “N-no”, she squeaked, “They-they left… and forgot me...again...” The wolf almost grinned again, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. “Where did they go?” It asked with almost sympathy, if a wolf could have any.

“B-bobby, J-janie, Matt, Sarah, Quincy, Joey and Mother and Father left to go out west… somewhere far away from here, I think. I’m the youngest… they’re always forgetting me… But they’ll come back. About a few miles down the road somebody’s bound to remember… Just a matter of time now…” The small girl had started shaking harder. She seemed overcome by the wolf’s size and the fact that it was talking to her, instead of slicing her to bits like her eldest brother, Quincy always told stories about.

“I see...And what is your name?” The wolf asked.

“I...I don’t know…” said the girl, her eyebrows wrinkled in concentration. “I...I...” But she trailed off, looking scared.
“I see…” said the wolf again -almost kindly- bowing it’s large head. “How old are you?”

“The girl brightened for a moment, as if she knew that, but then slumped down and didn’t answer.

“Dear dear, this won’t be easy...now you’re probably just scared out of your wits..” The wolf’s eyes widened as it looked up. “Them.” It breathed. “Marcos!” it barked, and another wolf appeared out of the shadows.

“Yes, D’jal?” The new wolf, Marcos, answered, bowing his head.

“Get this girl out of the house, tell all my scouts to leave, we must go, NOW!” Before the actual girl had time to say anything, the black wolf, D’jal, bounded away, back into the darkness, and she was whisked onto Marcos’s back. To her surprise, up close, it really wasn’t matted or dirty like she had always imagined the fur of a wolf would be. In fact, it was soft and shiny. Marcos had dark fur, but not as dark as D’jal’s. His fur was a darkish gray, and his two hind legs were white. As they ran through room after room of the old house, the small girl, who knew not who she was, nor who she would grow to become, closed her eyes and clutched the wolf’s fur tightly. But one thing she did know, was that her life would never be the same again.

NO. NO CLIFFHANGER.

*sigh* but then again, those make the best stories...

*thumbs up*

Well happy birthday!


I'm watching OUAT right now (yep still attempting to binge watch it) and I'm so happy this random Guy's ringtone was the Star Wars theme song just yes.

You both have folders!

Emily, same, no one near me is much of a writer...

And wow nice!

Hi yay! :)

XD yess.

XD right- just pay attention, I guess

*double thumbs up*

Love it, Ella! What other I can really think of for critique is just notice how you write. (Duh, Ruby, what the heck) I mean, the voice you use - for example, I've noticed my writing sounds kind of overly proper and kind of British when I write fantasy, (who knows why) so I try and consciously change that - or if my character is younger than I am, I write it sounding how I sound, and not my character - ya know? That's really it from me, sooo yeah KEEP WRITING

Yeah, this sounds really good! WRITE.

Thanks! I haven't written in so long actually, XD I need to get back in practice...

This is just a short story I wrote last summer, and thought why not share it with you guys -

“Sylvia, here!”

I whipped my head around, to see Ronan waving his hand frantically at me. But, just as I was tensing my muscles to run, a huge, metal beast came crashing down from the sky. I shot backwards, diving behind the overflowing dumpster in my haste to get out of the beast’s path. And just in time. Not a moment too soon, because in the spot I had just been occupying, a metal claw was now resting.

“Aaaaahhhrrggghhhh!”

I jerked my head to the side, to see the ground underneath Ronan crumble, then his small, shadowy shape disappear over the cliff’s edge. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I jumped to my feet, heard a voice screaming in protest, “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” and tried sprinting to the place he had fallen, but the huge dragon was blocking my path.

I looked up at it’s gigantic head, it’s huge maw dripping saliva and looking back down at me greedily. It’s red eyes were clamped directly into my own, and I could feel the heat coming from its metal scales, not hot enough to burn my skin, but enough to force me to squint, impairing my field of vision. Slowly, methodologically, I saw it turn it’s enormous, steel body towards me, suck in an immense gust of air, prepare to burn me to a crisp...but then my legs snapped into action.

I ducked the shoot of red-hot flames just inches above my head, ran at the metal dragon’s middle, and vaulted at the huge scales, as big as dinner plates, just barely catching hold, and clinging on with all my might as it whirled around, snapping at me and breathing more bursts of fire that narrowly missed me. I clung on until I deemed it safe enough, then flipped my body over to the other side of the great beast’s back, and slid down, landing on all fours, like cat, on the hard city pavement.

I stopped to catch my breath only for a moment, then began running as fast as I could to the place where I had seen Ronan drop. But, as I was only yards away, I felt the tremendous beast’s spiked tail sweep me off my feet and throw me into the air. I was sailing through the sky for what seemed like eons, but most likely only seconds, until I landed with a sickening thump right smack in the middle of the dragon’s forehead, barely missing being skewered by it’s two long, very sharp horns.

My breath caught in my throat, and there were two terrifying seconds where I couldn’t breathe, and the dragon seemed not to have noticed where I had gone. Then, the eyes as big as cars travelled up to see me holding for dear life onto it’s scales.

Then it roared, setting half the block alight and rearing onto it’s hind legs. It shook its great head back and forth, and I was shaken like a ragdoll, my eyes shut tight and my lips whispering good-byes to all the people I loved. But then suddenly the roaring and rearing stopped, and I cautiously squinted my eyes open. The dragon seemed to be trying to decide what to do. It was snorting smoke and pawing the ground, and I realized with a start that it was planning to squash me against the side of a nearby building.

I let go and tumbled to the ground, curling up in a ball and landing safely, my thin, but strong armor keeping me from getting any bones broken. I jumped to my feet and began running for where Ronan had disappeared again. Finally, I reached it and looked over the cliff. It disappeared into foggy darkness, and I couldn’t see Ronan anywhere.

Then, “Syyylllvvviiiiaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“Ronan, I’m coming!” I screamed back, and leapt off the edge of the cliff. After a few yards of falling, my automatic dragonwing fabric folded out, stretching from my arms to my sides, and between my legs, to create the flying mechanism I had invented only months before. Behind me I could just hear over the wind the gigantic metal dragon roaring in anger, but not daring to follow.

But I knew I’d be able to save Ronan, I had to.

Done, done, done, done, and done!

XD yes I know

Hi Anne - well at least you got that far XD I have yet to complete ANYTHING I've written... (Except for like one short story)

Gooooood how 'bout you?

XD I have a bunch of those saved from Pintrest, too

Well, those both sound pretty cool - once we get some more members we could do something like that! (Or once we get more interest)

Hihi!

I just read it, and honestly, I don't think I can say anything Michael didn't already say! But I agree with him, if you like it, you decide to send it!