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Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama

Alison Bechdel

Why we're reading this: A graphic novel by the author or the Dykes to Watch Out For comic series, this memoir examines her love l…more
[close] A graphic novel by the author or the Dykes to Watch Out For comic series, this memoir examines her love life, her relationship with her mother, and her mental health.

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Apr 23, 2012 Dan rated it it was amazing

I finally got around to reading this much-appreciated birthday present. I've been hearing a lot of good things about Alison Bechdel recently, and now I know why. Are You My Mother? was rigorous, inventive, touching, and honest. At its heart its the story of a woman coming to terms with her mother, but Bechdel pulls in allusions from all over the place to give this deeply personal story a universal authenticity.

Throughout the journey we meet a host of people in Bechdel's life, including therapist ...more

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Aug 15, 2013 treehugger rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, lesbian-or-lgbt-lit-or-author, memoir, women, graphic-or-comic, could_use_a_reread, read_2014

Update, April 2015: 8 months after original reading, I'm still thinking about this book. So I upgraded it from 2 stars to 4 stars, 'cause like it or not, that's a book that made an impression, and I'm still ruminating on it.

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OK, lots and lots of thoughts after binging on this book for the last 2 days. I can't say I ENJOYED this book. It's kind of dense and refers more deeply to Update, April 2015: 8 months after original reading, I'm still thinking about this book. So I upgraded it from 2 stars to 4 stars, 'cause like it or not, that's a book that made an impression, and I'm still ruminating on it.

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OK, lots and lots of thoughts after binging on this book for the last 2 days. I can't say I ENJOYED this book. It's kind of dense and refers more deeply to psychoanalysis, Virginia Woolf and Winnicott than I was able to relate to. It truly is almost painfully introspective at times, but for someone who is often an over-analyzer of just about everything, myself included, it was a good reflection for me.

Another reviewer said this: "Alison Bechdel is such a genius that I kind of just can't even deal with it, and this book is incredible in so many ways. I'm not sure I would've felt this way if I hadn't read Fun Home first, though; there's an analogy to be made between initially unappealing sex acts and a plotless, ultra-meta comic memoir about object relations theory that is an extremely detailed and specific examination of a woman's relationship with her mother. If this had been my first date with Alison Bechdel I might've jumped up, grabbed my clothes, and run out of her room. As it was, though, we'd had such an amazing time together and I was already sort of in love with her, so I was willing to follow this book to places I otherwise wouldn't have been ready to go."

I think maybe part of why I didn't LOVE this book is the teasers relating to her father about which I had no working knowledge. And the object relations theory was....harrowing. The 300+ pages of this book also seemed to say a lot of things, but NOT FEEL a lot of things - does that even make sense? Like, I found myself getting bored while she talked about these wrenching therapy sessions that didn't even come close to engaging my sensitive little soul in any sort of empathy. And the sections from the psychoanalysis literature was just perhaps over my head, but they seemed to last too long, be too pervasive, and add distance between Bechdel and her reader (when the whole point of writing a memoir is to create the possibility of connection between author and reader...at least IMHO.)

And you know what? It's just a little awkward how she continues to engage so closely (daily!?!?) with a mother who clearly takes more than she gives - masochistic seems almost appropriate here, especially when you consider the (OVER A DECADE) of therapy she endured to try to deal with this fraught relationship. And talk about talking to her mother ABOUT THIS BOOK, which is about her mother and their relationship...just a little icky feeling. Add to that the ?tiny bit inappropriate? relationship with her therapist "Jocelyn" (that made me cringe a lot - the "I know you love me" and "I think you're adorable" crap - that's not what she was paying you for!!).

There were some moments of real clarity for me as I was enjoying her casual drawing style, different (physical) perspectives, remembering some of the past hurts between she and her mom....I can tell you some of the weirdest, smallest exchanges I had with my mom, as early as age 3, that stick with me to this day and have shaped some of my internalized self-disgust, self-doubt, and anxiety about life in general and being lovable in particular. For this reason, the "you're old enough to not need goodnight kisses" at age 7 bit sort of hit home.

All in all, I probably need to give this one another read. And I need to read Fun Home to get more perspective. But I still may find myself wanting to skip over some of the overly involved psychobabble and self-involved therapeutic "breakthroughs" - I love a good therapy session myself, but can't quite stomach rehashing 10 years of some other, equally damaged queer lady's baggage. ...more

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Jun 05, 2012 Lord Beardsley rated it really liked it

Shelves: read2012

I am in awe of this woman's talent and attention to detail. The structure of this book is totally different than "Fun Home", it's more cerebral and less conventionally sequential. This totally makes sense based on the thematic elements she is tackling: her complex relationship with her mother and her own relationship with therapy. I read this in one sitting, and thoroughly enjoyed it. ...more

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Jun 08, 2012 cat rated it really liked it

Shelves: read-in-2012

Such a different book than Fun Home, and so completely brilliant in it's own way. I adored it and can't wait to discuss it with friends who have also read it.... ...more

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