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The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

Olivia Fox Cabane

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Oct 24, 2015 Daniel Barenboim rated it it was amazing

Shelves: social

One of the best books on the topic. It goes deeper than just saying the right things or pretending, it goes to the core of who we are and how we interact with others.

Diamonds discovered:
- Visualize yourself as confident, social, lighthearted, fun. Simply imagining a situation causes your brain to send your body the same instructions as it would if that situation were real. So, if you create an internal charismatic state, your body language will display charisma authentically.
- Charisma requires One of the best books on the topic. It goes deeper than just saying the right things or pretending, it goes to the core of who we are and how we interact with others.

Diamonds discovered:
- Visualize yourself as confident, social, lighthearted, fun. Simply imagining a situation causes your brain to send your body the same instructions as it would if that situation were real. So, if you create an internal charismatic state, your body language will display charisma authentically.
- Charisma requires you to be fully present. In social interactions, this means being with the other person completely, and listening to them intently.
- Charisma means being powerful and warm – being willing to use your power for others. A woman later said, “After dining with Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person in England. But after dining with Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest person in England.” No surprise, then, that Disraeli won the election.
- There are four distinct charisma styles: Focus Charisma which lets people know you're fully present (Bill Clinton), Visionary Charisma that inspires people or gets them to believe in something (Steve Jobs), Kindness charisma makes others feel seen and accepted (Dalai Lama), and Authority Charisma that makes others believe you have the power to change their lives.
- To make a great first impression, you have to make others feel you're similar to them. People feel most comfortable with those who behave and appear as they do, because they assume you have much in common: social background, education and values.
- Begin that first meeting by complimenting the other person or asking open-ended questions, and stick to positive subjects. When it's time to end the meeting, try again to leave the other person with positive feelings.
- Three ways to counteract discomfort: prevent, recognize, and remedy or explain. Prevent means to ensure your comfort by planning ahead. Recognize relates to being present: the more present you are, the more aware of your body language you will be. more aware you are, the easier it is to remedy or explain the problem. When the sun hit Tom's eyes, he could have paused to ask whether they could move seats, explaining that the sunlight was bothering him.
- Overcoming internal discomfort can be achieved by destigmatizing and neutralizing negativity. The reason we're so affected by our negative thoughts is that we believe our minds perceive reality accurately. But in fact our minds do not give us a complete and accurate image of reality; So the next time you make a mistake, feel negative or experience discomfort, just remember that it's a part of normal daily life.
- Don’t worry if you experience mental and physical obstacles while developing charisma; even successful people experience these things. Simply apply the three steps to overcoming these obstacles: dedramatize, destigmatize and neutralize. ...more

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