Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1) in What's the Name of That Book???

May 17, 2012 karen rated it liked it

Shelves: bore-rotica

OOOOHHH the movie opens TODAY!! now, i'm not likely to ever see the movie, but i will say it's pretty ballsy to cast the romantic lead - a character who ties up ladies for erotic enjoyment - with the actor that many people only know as the character who ties up ladies for erotic enjoyment ... and then kills them.

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now hear me out, people. i liked it, but i didn't like it-like it. the writing is shitty, it is, but i am a sucker for enthusiasm. and you can tell sh ...more

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Jun 30, 2012 Kate rated it did not like it · review of another edition

Shelves: age-adult, 2012, signed-copies

Ugh.

Okay, so I knew I wasn't going to like this book going in. I'm not into BDSM. The review over at Forever Young Adult had pretty much convinced me this was going to be terrible. But a friend had given me a signed copy, and I caved to the peer pressure of so many people who read it and liked it.

The plot: Twilight, but Edward is named Christian Grey and wants to be Bella's (aka Anastasia Steele) Dom. As in, Christian is a domineering, super-rich, bipolar control freak who is inexplicably attra Ugh.

Okay, so I knew I wasn't going to like this book going in. I'm not into BDSM. The review over at Forever Young Adult had pretty much convinced me this was going to be terrible. But a friend had given me a signed copy, and I caved to the peer pressure of so many people who read it and liked it.

The plot: Twilight, but Edward is named Christian Grey and wants to be Bella's (aka Anastasia Steele) Dom. As in, Christian is a domineering, super-rich, bipolar control freak who is inexplicably attracted to plain Jane, clumsy, personality-devoid virgin Anastasia, and THEY JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER! Unless Ana doesn't sign a contract allowing Christian to demean, debase, punish, and otherwise treat her like his personal sex slave.

I'm not sure I can describe all the ways I hated this book. There are just so many! At the bottom of the list, the repetitiveness. How often can one character bite her lip or blush? And there were at least 4 instances where Christian's jeans were described as hanging off his hips "in that way." In what way??? Honestly, this was the least of my dislikes about this book.

I'm a very independent woman, so it really REALLY disturbed me to read about this passive empty shell of a girl who, when alone, is nervous about engaging in a submissive lifestyle, but when faced with Christian, goes along with everything he asks of her, including allowing herself to be tied up, blindfolded, spanked, flogged, whipped, and calling him Sir. Who, when faced with this contract that dictates her whole life, negotiates in the wrong direction. Food: Submissive must eat 3 meals a day, no snacks between meals except fruit - she negotiates for FEWER meals instead of ice cream? Sleep: Submissive must sleep at least 7 hours a night - she negotiates for LESS sleep?

Ana makes Bella look like a strong female role model. The only time she shows any backbone is through her email communications. And Christian said she didn't have a submissive bone in her body! Who was he talking about? The perfect example of Ana's thought processes: "Of course the stalker knows where I live. Why won't he kiss me?"

Then there's Captain Douchebag himself.

Oh, you were abused as a child? Too bad. I don't care. I certainly wouldn't allow that to make me consider letting you punish me for rolling my eyes. Good thing, because I don't know how many times I rolled my eyes and threw this book down while reading it. Honestly, aside from being super hot and super rich, Christian had no redeeming qualities to speak of. He makes Edward look like a perfect gentleman. Edward might have watched Bella sleep, and dismantled her car engine to "keep her safe," but he never would have hurt Bella physically (the sex in Breaking Dawn notwithstanding). Christian tracks Ana's cell phone, her address, and appears in Ana's life when she is actively trying to take a break from him.

The only "character" I hated more than Ana or Christian is Ana's "Inner Goddess." This is just a fancy way of describing the thought processes of Ana's vagina. Yes, submit to him! the inner goddess tells her. The Inner Goddess also gets pretty smug when comparing Ana's loss of virginity to her friend Kate's description. Ha! I had multiple orgasms! Looks like I'm better at sex than you! If I could have punched the Inner Goddess in the face, I would have.

On the sex scenes: yes, they were extremely graphic and steamy. The reason for this is that Ana only describes what Christian is doing and her body's reaction. She is an empty shell for the reader to enter and imagine. She has no reaction when Christian says things like, "Now I'm going to take you for my own pleasure, and you are not going to come." She just rolls over and takes it. Let me tell you, I'd have at least one thought in my head about this (and it'd be along the lines of, I'm gonna punch you in the face, asshole! Go fuck yourself!). Of course, if multiple orgasms came as easily as they do for Ana, who knows.

There is so much more, but this has gone on long enough. I'm glad this book is now out of my life. (view spoiler)
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Jan 22, 2013 Megan rated it did not like it

I have a policy that I do not openly judge a book unless I've read it. So I read. And I judged. Don't waste your time. You're welcome. ...more

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Apr 02, 2012 Melissa Rochelle rated it did not like it

Shelves: abandoned, ebook, library

I made it through eight chapters, that's roughly 28% of the first book in this ridiculously popular series. This also means I made it past the first sexual encounter between Christian and Ana. Ummm. It took seven chapters to get there...far from "mommy porn" if you ask me.

Why am I abandoning this book? Because I've read enough to know it's not a book that I want to continue reading. For one, I don't read a lot of Romance to begin with, so all of this biting of the lip related passion is too over ...more

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Oct 07, 2012 Nadine in NY Jones rated it did not like it

Shelves: only-reading-because-of-the-buzz, authors-i-don-t-ever-want-to-read-a, did-not-finish

Sigh. Yes, I want to know what everyone is talking about. So, finally my number was up and this came in for me, on hold at the library. I read the first chapter. Wow the writing sucks! I was prepared for that, but, still. Wow the writing sucks! There are so many other BETTER books waiting to be read ...

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I got to chapter 6, and wishing I could assign negative stars. Sadly, 1 star is as low as I can go. That's it. If you've read this book, feel free to email me how the series ends. Is there some Sigh. Yes, I want to know what everyone is talking about. So, finally my number was up and this came in for me, on hold at the library. I read the first chapter. Wow the writing sucks! I was prepared for that, but, still. Wow the writing sucks! There are so many other BETTER books waiting to be read ...

*

I got to chapter 6, and wishing I could assign negative stars. Sadly, 1 star is as low as I can go. That's it. If you've read this book, feel free to email me how the series ends. Is there some awesome twist I'm missing?

As I was reading, I started compiling a list in my head, "50 Reasons I Can't Stand this Book."

1. The names. OMG the names! Christian Grey?? Anastasia Steele? [Steel Grey??????? URGH] Oh COME ON these are the kinds of names that I would come up with back when I was in 7th grade and toying with writing a novel. These are the names that sound romantic to a 12 year old. (I hope I’m not offending anyone named Anastasia or Christian.)

2. The writing. UGH THE WRITING. It is so so so boring!!!

3. All Ana can think about is what a control freak Christian is. At no point am I shown or even told WHY she likes him. All I know is he has grey eyes and she gets a tingle when she touches him. I am sorry, but never in my life have I felt a tingle when I touched someone, other than when we accidentally transfer static to each other, which is never all that fun. If she likes him just because he’s attractive, then surely she would have liked the other attractive man-friends in her life (Jose and Philip)? That just made no sense to me. I’m willing to let it slide, because, romance. Except that I was just left not liking Christian at all. Which meant I didn’t give a shit about the romance.

4. Christian is a “control freak” in the most stereotypical and lame-o way – real control freaks are not like this!!! They are soooo much more complicated than this! They control people so subtly and so well that the people don’t even realize they are being controlled at first!

5. The first kiss Was Not Hot. AT ALL. It just sounded painful. I read a lot of cheesy and trashy romance (just check out my “read” list to see how cheesy I get), and I’ve read a lot of very hot first kiss scenes. This was not one of them. Not by a long shot.

6. Are there actually graduating college seniors out there who are not the least bit concerned about getting a job??? She is in finals week of her very last semester and she very casually mentions once that she applied for a few job. That’s it? That’s the level of her concern??? Maybe I’m out of touch, but I found that so completely distracting. It’s a jungle out there!!! You’re going to need a salary!!!

7. Okay, that's it. I didn't care enough to even come up with 7 things.
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May 31, 2012 Cindy rated it it was ok

I read plenty of crappy books. I've read the Sookie Stackhouse books and they're nothing more than vampire porn and bad writing. I've read romance novels since I was 14 so I'm well versed in cheesy and saccharine writing. I've read the Twilight books and delighted in the romance story even though I cringed every time Bella played the role of the weak female. I've read all these books even though they were panned by critics and only adored by the fans. So, despite the bad reviews for Fifty Shades I read plenty of crappy books. I've read the Sookie Stackhouse books and they're nothing more than vampire porn and bad writing. I've read romance novels since I was 14 so I'm well versed in cheesy and saccharine writing. I've read the Twilight books and delighted in the romance story even though I cringed every time Bella played the role of the weak female. I've read all these books even though they were panned by critics and only adored by the fans. So, despite the bad reviews for Fifty Shades of Grey, I picked it up. And I don’t understand all the fanfare surrounding this book. The critics were right. It’s a poorly written romance novel with lots of sex and one dimensional characters. After reading some other reviews, it's not hard to see that this book was initially Twilight fan fiction. In both, you've got the shy brunette who feels unworthy of attention and constantly shifts around awkwardly (or bites her lip) and the perfect, dark, rich, mysterious man who sweeps her off her feet because he just can't resist her innocence, awkwardness, and mystery even though she’s an open book. But I guess what makes Twilight more palatable is that it was all told under the guise of teenage love. So it's not as shocking to read about a girl who's self conscious because she's a hormonal teenager. And it's not so bad to read about a domineering guy because he's from the early 1900s and a sparkly vampire (yes I'm laughing). This book takes all that away and sees the relationship for what it is: a controlling, damaged man with a “submissive” woman who eventually is so strong that she not only challenges him but changes him. Or at least I’m assuming that’s the hope as the end of the book finally leaves me with a little respect for Anastasia. So, like a car wreck, I keep reading even though I wish I wouldn't. But since I’m apparently in the mood to laugh at the unrealistic lives these characters are leading and in the mood to find this “happy ending” (pun intended-ha!) I’ll continue reading Books 2 and 3.
So, It's certainly a fun and a fast read and perfect for these upcoming summer beach days. But I’d still rather read Jude Deveraux, Judith McNaught, or Sandra Brown to get my romance fix.
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Jul 30, 2012 Jess rated it it was ok

Shelves: read-2012

Honestly not as bad as I expected (I thought this would be my first ever one star review, for sure) - but still pretty darned bad. The first quarter especially was awful - not just in terms of the writing, the "quality" of which is well documented, but in that it actively squicked me out. I have just spent a good ten to fifteen minutes attempting to describe specific incidents of such squick (the phone tracking incident, perhaps? Randomly turning up at her place of work?) but found I became inar ...more

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Oct 10, 2012 Liz rated it did not like it

Shelves: 1-star, adult-fiction

Yes, I did it. I went there. I actually read Fifty Shades of Grey. I really wasn’t expecting much given the reviews I’d read ranting about it, as well as the fact that it’s Twilight fanfiction (ugh). However, I decided to work it in a.) in case I ever wind up working with adults in a public library setting and b.) because sometimes I take just a bit of joy in knowing I can rant about a book. Well, don’t worry: Fifty Shades of Grey is just as bad as I thought it would be.

Read the full review here ...more

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Jun 21, 2012 Heidi rated it it was ok

Shelves: kindle, north-america, chick-lit

yeah, i read it. go ahead and judge me.

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Jul 30, 2014 Bethany rated it did not like it

No no no no no no no no NO NO NO NO.

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Jul 01, 2012 Michelle rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: fiction

Christian Grey? Anastasia Steele? What ridiculous names for characters, stolen directly from the "Dynasty" playbook. And a multibillionaire meets a smart, sassy, but oh-so-innocent virgin on the verge of her college graduation? Oh, please. So, the plot is paper thin, but, ahem, you really don't read it for the plot. You read it for the steamy sex, with more than a hint of danger. This not great literature. It is mainstream erotica. But, rather fun, in a steamy, cheesy way. ...more

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Jun 12, 2012 Jeff rated it did not like it

Scathing review to come.

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May 09, 2012 steen rated it did not like it

I had to pick this up after hearing about this everywhere. The writing quality is a little lacking and it's a little too Twilight-esque for me. ...more

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