No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us in The Majority Report Podcast Goodreads Group

Jun 09, 2019 Jacob rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, sociology, digital, read-but-wishlisted, criminal-justice, zgarland-lib, feminism, zrichardson-lib, law-enforcement, narrative-nonfiction

I have met both abusers and victims and had some disturbing details divulged to me, but that did not prepare me for this book. In fact, I feel badly I didn't know how gruesome that domestic violence really is. It's always kind of the thing we blame on the victim, partly out of misogyny, but I would also say we don't worry about it like, say, a mass shooting, because it's not something (we men especially) think is going to happen to us. It's something we chalk up to making poor decisions and choo I have met both abusers and victims and had some disturbing details divulged to me, but that did not prepare me for this book. In fact, I feel badly I didn't know how gruesome that domestic violence really is. It's always kind of the thing we blame on the victim, partly out of misogyny, but I would also say we don't worry about it like, say, a mass shooting, because it's not something (we men especially) think is going to happen to us. It's something we chalk up to making poor decisions and choosing bad relationships. We will even say certain women are attracted to abusers.

Snyder goes on to write about how the gender expectations placed on men to not show emotion, to be tough, and the expectation to solve problems through violence creates a culture of gendered violent crime. Snyder demonstrates how many of the mass shootings begin in domestic violence and pulls apart the tendency of these gender role-indoctrinated men to claim ownership over women and dehumanize them. Tied together, it's such a refutation of the reactionary blowback to save "toxic masculinity", that it would be difficult to argue against.

The meat of the book, though, is in the narrative. Snyder is at her best when she is a frontline reporter, interviewing families of victims, attending groups, and on ride-alongs. Part I of the book is a particularly harrowing case study. It is told as Snyder interviews the families of the dead involved in a gruesome triple-murder suicide, as the fathers discuss it for the first time since it happened. There are home videos as well, which we get to hear described. It paints a fascinating portrait of a family who are not alive to tell their own story.

Part I familiarizes the reader with the reality of domestic abuse. The physical violence might pale in comparison to the psychological. The abuser creates situations in which there is no escape. The victim has no choice but to either convince themselves it is actually bearable or to figure a way out, which can possibly be deadly. They can't simply leave when they have kids. They leave their kids with him and they will be in the hands of an abuser. Plus, what mother would willingly leave their children? But, if she takes the children, she is a kidnapper. Calling the police would likely mean he would get out of jail quickly and be even more enraged. It's an unwinnable situation. Snyder challenges us to ask why we collectively ask: "Why do they stay?" when the more relevant question is, "Why were they violent?"

Part II explores abuser rehabilitation. This is a tough transition, but it's a necessary one. It's tough because of the brutalizing nature of the first part. I imagine many by this point are ready to lock men up and throw away the key, and it's hard to blame them. I actually found a couple of the stories quite redemptive, and thought the author's conclusion was quite odd. That said, I'm glad she told the story.

Part III deals primarily with the victim-facing solutions. The big takeaway is that there are primarily two: shelters and police. Shelters are often not great solutions because women are forced to go to the first one in the state with an open spot, and even leave their job if it's out of range. From her perspective, police are often issues because they do not take detailed reports, don't take domestic violence seriously (nor do courts, she adds), often they are abusers themselves (2-4x as likely to be abusers as the general population). She does highlight a cop from Cleveland who works with victims of domestic abuse who seems to function somewhere between a social worker and a cop. As jaded as I am about the justice system, she was a good officer.

Throughout, she continues with crushing stories of abuse. A noticeable thing is that so many of the people who get involved with the work were in some way afflicted by abuse. Just as many of the abusers were abused. In the last chapter, Snyder brings up an 14% increase in domestic abuse over the last 5 or so years. Though this could be arbitrary data fluctuation, but with misogyny being part of the culture war, it seems as if this ripple effect could make it epidemic.

Now for some nitpicks: since domestic abuse does seem to be a function of culture, I would also like to have seen data comparing the US to other countries. How can we change the culture to pre-empt the violence to where more of it doesn't happen?

The author seems to conclude that the most effective prevention would be early, at the misdemeanor level. More effectively assessing threats and removing bail... More incarceration? We are so greatly incarcerated a country already, I'm hesitant to hope for this, yet this is also a hideous crime that puts the family in such harm; therefore, it is difficult to fault anyone for wanting these people sequestered.

Again, I felt the ending of Part II was a disappointment. Her assessment of Jimmy was far too harsh. From the point of view of the reader, he might be flawed still, but there is no reason to believe he is not a success story (he was getting off drugs too!). The dark take she brings to it is cynical and really undermines the idea of rehabilitation, which while I imagine it's theoretically possible someone who is abusive cannot be rehabilitated, I imagine it's far more likely that many can. The only empirical evidence I recall her providing actually is strongly in favor of the rehabilitation groups. There might not be enough data out there at all to get a proper sample, given how much our justice system is focused on purely punitive measures.

"Why Women Have Better Sex Under Socialism" by Kristen Ghodsee explains why, in socialist countries, women have historically been able to easier get out of and avoid altogether abusive relationships (it has to do with having more economic stability). In a similar vein, it seems that greater parity in wealth and income (both among the sexes and among people in general) would do a little to remedy this problem.

Overall, excellent book. Gripping narrative and information that you owe it to the vulnerable around you to know. ...more

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