From the Bookshelf of The Book Challenge…

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Gary Chapman

Start date: January 7, 2010

Finish date: January 8, 2010

Why we're reading this: EXCELLENT Book filled with the most usefull information for any marriage!!
Your relationship doesn't need …more
[close] EXCELLENT Book filled with the most usefull information for any marriage!!
Your relationship doesn't need to be in trouble to read this book!

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Aug 27, 2011 Gaijinmama rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, self-help

The premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may not feel lo The premise of this best-selling book is quite simple, but many of us haven't tried looking at our marriages this way. In short, people have their own, often unconscious way of expressing love and rarely do two spouses have the same "Love Language." This can cause trouble in a marriage because we may simply not understand the way in which our partner is expressing his or her love, even if s/he is trying really hard to express it and has NO idea we aren't getting it. In turn, s/he may not feel loved if we are "speaking a different language." Thus, we could be struggling for years and still be completely misreading each other.
To my surprise, my husband was actually willing to take the quiz at the end of the book with me, and we have had a FABULOUS few days so far. Just knowing which Love Language is most important to each other can make us happier, and an awful lot less frustrated.
Let's see if he keeps this up (nudge-nudge, wink-wink!).

A couple things that annoyed me: the author is a devout Christian and mentions his beliefs a little more often than I would prefer. And he is more than a trifle sexist. He's convinced that women mainly have sex for emotional reasons whereas men have a stronger physical need. In a word: bullshit. On the men's version of the quiz there is a question about "loving to have sex with my wife", but on the women's version, the wording is changed to "I love cuddling with my husband".
BAH HUMBUG to that! Dr. Chapman, sir, it is the 21st Century. Do you truly think that most women have that hard of a time admitting that they enjoy having sex?!
Poppycock and balderdash and Honey, puh-leeze! Dr. Chapman, I really do feel you, and I cannot tell you how delighted I am that you got my husband's attention, but you just lost yourself a 5-star rating for going on and on about the Gospel of Luke and for being stuck in the Victorian era in terms of gender differences.

In spite of that, I found the book readable, useful and, if my husband's behavior is any indication, very helpful.

**2014 Follow-up:
Still works for me. It helps just knowing that Mr. Gaijinpapa is trying to express love in his own way, which isn't my way, but hey I am me and he is he..so I appreciate his effort and I try to understand his way and do not try to change him. After 23 years, I think romance is all well and good, but marriage is really about patience and being willing to accept each other for who you are..I am still Royally Pissed Off about the Gender and Kinda Fundamentalist Religious stuff. Dr. Chapman, Sir, I maintain that women like to get some! Cuddles are nice too, and guys might be happier and healthier if society would allow them to admit that they too need to cuddle sometimes, but sometimes we ladies want..you know...It and why pretend otherwise?

...more

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Feb 18, 2010 Jo rated it liked it

The Five Love Languages
Expectation:
• Lessons on How to make people understand that I love them
• Lessons on How to love people in the right.
What Happens to Love after the wedding?
• Being sincere is not enough
• Learn a secondary love Language
• Understand mine and your primary love Language
Keeping the Love Tank Full
• Misbehaviour are cravings of an empty love tank
• Love is elusive
• Understanding the 5 Love Language could help keep their love tanks full; but will it help me feel loved if I am the on ...more

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