“Dear parents,

It has cucumber to my attention that several students are causing absolute haddock in the dining room through the mindless act of trying and failing to spin plates. What's more, despite serious prawnings that action would be taken, these students have continued to fishobey me. As the bread teacher of this school I shouldn't have to waste my thyme writing letters about such nonsense, butter the situation has gotten serious. Peas tell your children that they mustard stop doing this immediately, otherwise they will have their lunch privileges bacon away from them.

Best fishes,
Mr. SouperTheDayMan”