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#1

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

147988 likes

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#2

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

tags: humor, inspirational

9758 likes

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#3

“I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
― Jerome K. Jerome

tags: humor, work

8143 likes

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#4

“I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!”
― Mark Twain

1192 likes

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#5

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

34488 likes

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#6

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
― Jim Henson

26431 likes

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#7

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women

28776 likes

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#8

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent

tags: death, humor, life

6707 likes

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#9

“I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: humor

2750 likes

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#10

“Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

tags: absurd, beauty, conceit, humor, love

1798 likes

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#11

“I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.”
― Rudyard Kipling, Under The Deodars

tags: humor, justification, mistakes, pretexts

697 likes

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#12

“This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.”
― Ben Elton, Bachelor Boys: The Young Ones Book

tags: humor, violence, vyvyan

392 likes

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#13

“There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon.”
― Christopher Moore, Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings

tags: fluke, humor

397 likes

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#14

“It's hard to be a bright light in a dim world.”
― Gary Starta

346 likes

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#15

“The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?”
― Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment

tags: humor

209 likes

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#16

“It'd Be a Lot Cooler If You Did.”
― Matthew McConaughey

111 likes

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#17

“Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources”
― C.E.M. Joad

tags: creativity, humor, misattributed-to-einstein, paraphrased

13066 likes

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#18

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9097 likes

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#19

“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.”
― Lily Tomlin

tags: humor, life, rat-race

1681 likes

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#20

“There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)”
― D. J. MacHale, The Quillan Games

tags: clowns, humor, people

1398 likes

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#21

“When in danger or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”
― Herman Wouk

tags: danger, humor

1195 likes

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#22

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
― George Bernard Shaw, Immaturity

tags: family, humor

1393 likes

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#23

“As for monkeys, I would have five, and they would be named: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, Do Pretty Much Whatever The Hell You Want, and Expensive Attorney.”
― Tad Williams

tags: humor

438 likes

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#24

“When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.”
― Winston S. Churchill

tags: humor

466 likes

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#25

“I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.”
― Flannery O'Connor, The Habit of Being: Letters of Flannery O'Connor

tags: humor, wit

1136 likes

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#26

“Everything not forbidden is compulsory”
― T.H. White, The Once and Future King

tags: absurd, government, humor, totalitarianism

225 likes

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#27

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time

tags: deadlines, humor, humour, work, writing

32131 likes

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#28

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you.”
― Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity

12684 likes

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#29

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, knowledge

6881 likes

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#30

“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor, reason

2518 likes

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