Dangerous Hero Addict Support Group discussion

If you asked your friends and acquaintances how they really feel about you and they were truly honest, do you think you would really want to hear what they actually think?

Ok, I'll answer my question. I do value honesty but I will admit that I'd probably not like everything that would be said about me. But I do want to hear it so I could make some attempt at bettering myself.

Honesty is very important. it's one of my top look-for in a guy (or girl). I don't mind having crude said things about me, as long as it's the honest truth.

Now I don't want ot go into too much detail, so I'll leave it htere. :P

This is a tough question for me because as much as I think that i could handle whatever anyone had to say I am pretty sensitive and might react badly if someone was brutally honest with me. I think that it is important to be truthful with your friends but it all in the way you say it.

I think as far as some things go it's all a matter of perspective. My opinion about something can differ from another person's. For instance, if someone was to ask you if you liked the dress they have on. Your personal opinion could be that it is inappropriate and shows way too much skin. But someone else may think it displays your assets very nicely.

That is so true Pamela. Opinions will differ. That is why I think it is important when you give your opinion that you think about how you are giving it. There is no reason to be cruel when stating things. Your example of the dress is a good one. If I didn't care for the dress or thought it was unflattering. I might say something like, "it's not really my style" or that it might be good or going out but not for everyday wear.

I think honesty is something important in friendships and all relationships. Be they social, working, or acquaintance.
However brutal honesty from others is just asking for hurt feelings and relationship tensions.
What tends to work best I think, is asking for constructive criticism. When thoughts or opinions are made in a constructive manner people don't tend to feel slighted or abused.
For example, you probably wouldn't say.. "My god that dress makes you look huge!"
Instead you might say "I think stripes are more enhancing with your build"
Putting a positive before the negative lets others know you are not criticizing to be unkind.

Alicia wrote: "I think honesty is something important in friendships and all relationships. Be they social, working, or acquaintance.
However brutal honesty from others is just asking for hurt feelings and relat..."

That was exactly my thought Alicia. You just communicated it better. :)

Yes, honesty regarding the physical aspect can be tricky. We all want perfection and most cannot acheive that. But what about the personality or soul of who you are. The "what's inside" part of you? Do you feel good about yourself and who you are? Do you believe people preceive you in the same way you do?

I am confident in who I am and i think that the people around me would agree with the view that I have of myself...and if they don't well that is their problem. You can't please everyone all you can do is be true to yourself and treat others the way you want to be treated.

That is the way we should all feel, Jessica. ☺ But so many of us have a need to please. My need to please is limited to a small number of people so I don't worry too much on that end. Still I want to be thought of with kind thoughts.

I think that honesty is crucial. There is a way to be honest and to be kind about it. True love is both truthful and seeks not to harm.

I think we all want to be thought of in a kind way, I know that i do, at this point though I am sick of trying to "make" other people like me or bending over backwards to do things for them. Try to think about my actions and words and how they affect others but you can only do so much.

I agree with that, Jessica.

I don't like the idea of compromising who you are to make others happy with you. At the same time, I think it's important to aspire for the best for yourself (and only you and God know what that is).

I agree with you too Jessica, I always try to throw in kindness whenever I say or do something. "Is that a new dress? It is sure is cute." I'm not saying anything about it being too tight or whatever because the dress itself is cute. And I've seen people who have put a lot of thought into what they're wearing which to me is all circa 1980 but when they're looking in the mirror they see something beautiful with the bow in their hair and their white nylons. (This happened recently.) How can I say anything negative? What they see is fantastic. I just smile and say how pretty they look (using my 1980s eyes). I just add kindness to as much as I can (that is unless you piss me off and then all bets are off - LOL).

I think honesty is great so long as we can remember that what is being said is just the opinion of person who may or y not know us well, or may or may not have our best interest at heart.

Yeah, some folks use honesty as a weapon against others.

Let me add that I don't think we are required to tell everyone everything about ourselves. Some things should stay private. But I believe in striving for honesty as much as possible.

I think I'd like the friend/acquaintance to give it to me straight & tell me what they really think about me. I know myself and I believe I can differentiate between an honent answer and a deliberate hurtful answer. Plus, I'd also see the honest answer as another way to better myself. Constructive criticism doesn't hurt... I just don't take it to heart.
Of course you guys are also right about not changing yourself for others. That'll never make you happy.