THE Group for Authors! discussion

K.D. wrote: "Frederick wrote: "K.D. wrote: "Is this part of a book you are writing Frederick? Can I review it?
kidding aside, this is hilarious!!"

Thank you but no it is not part of my book. I was playing off ..."

The one you must watch out for is Sam Cook - I believe he has the copy rights to "Cupid draw back your box and let your arrow go straight to my lover's heart". Now think about that for a second. OK time is up - the person writing this must have had a fight with their lover since an arrow into their heart surely wouldn't help their relationship. On top of that they hired a hit man, or whatever you want to call a kid wearing diapers and wings.

So now that we have that clear I'll tell you a secret, as he whispers under his baited breath - I think I had salmon, no...wwone100yearanniversary.com - follow the menu and order the "Just Released". I hear that it is particularly good if you care for PDF. Now don't tell anyone, its just between you and the other zillion people reading our jabber - perhaps there might be less, we lost all but those that don't have anything else to do. Thanks

Debbie wrote: "Gensu or Ginsu?"

I knew someone would catch me on that one!! You must be one of those mean authors everyone has been talking about. Hey, want to try out for the part of the evil person on our author island? I'm not sure if Gilligan's island had any one that was evil - never mind. Now that I think about it, I have a fifty-fifty chance of being right or is this a trick question? Debbie - I'll go with door number two - Ginsu....am I right?

My theory is if you have a fifty-fifty chance of making the correct decision, after making the selection you'll only be right twenty percent of the time. Think about it. When you're plugging something in (it doesn't work if you look at the plug) you stand a 50/50 chance of inserting the plug correctly. I ask you, "How many times do you make the right selection?" Now are you not pleased that you decided to let the world know that I selected the wrong spelling for a 19.95 plus shipping knife!! Besides that the knife I spelled wouldn't slice or dice and therefore Omar is safe.

Oh right! I totally forgot Jon! Does that mean Ginger has a spicy affair with the professor? If not, I'm an author. I'm writting it in.

It's Ginsu. We need a Mary Ann (Jaq?). The skipper did not get the SS Minow run aground...Gilligan had the conn. The Chairman of the Mutiny Committee was, as always, Thurston Howell III.

The Ultimate Cosmic Truth According to Gilligan (Enigma #132) - They salvaged enough nails and tools to make boards and build huts with locking doors and waterproof roofs, but the castaways couldn't fix a four-foot hole in the flat part of the Minnow's hull.

Professor (Jon)
Castaway Behaving Badly

AUTHOR'S ISLAND
Episode 1: Everybody gets hit on the head and wakes up speaking in Haiku. They know who they are, but have forgotten who everyone else is. Introduce yourself (me first)

"I'm the Professor.
I'm smart but no one listens.
I never get laid."

Evil character...hmmm..okay. But not the odd cannibal ones that just say "uga bugga" lines or the really mean buttholes who pretend like they are going to rescue the castaways.

(I never really got on board with the concept of the castaways returning to try to turn it into a resort. I don't think this is the cast to make a Survivor spinoff either, though. The haiku's option sounds interesting).

But, I'll let the real authors play ...

I just got back from seeing "Safe Harbor" - really good. But back to the realities of life. "I'm Thurston Howard III and I speak haiku with a Boston accent. I'm rich and I let everyone know it.

The island isn't a bad spot, labor is cheap but the economy sucks because its based on sand dollars and they're rare for they either crawl away or come and go with the tide.

The professor has a point about their inability to fix the boat but why didn't he come up with that idea? Perhaps too much distilled coconut milk??

I like your character Jon, the professor reminds me of a blossoming McGiver. By the way, thanks for supporting my theory - I selected door number two and it was one.

Shouldn't the first episode explain what happened and how they landed on the island? I guess that can be accomplished in the introduction.

I'm not touching on the subject about your lack of intense fellowship with another....no sir! But the Skipper might. Yoda said, "Man who engages woman on the beach receives piece on earth!" As well as sand in all the wrong places.

OK Evil character, how did you sabotage the SS Minnow? God! What a trite name for a boat. What does the SS signify? Obviously it was Safe Ship Minnow. Besides the Professor should have questioned it because minnows live in freshwater not the ocean so the boat was doomed from the start. Never take a minnow to sea when there are Great White Sharks!

Say good night Gracy!

Hannah wrote: "Oh right! I totally forgot Jon! Does that mean Ginger has a spicy affair with the professor? If not, I'm an author. I'm writting it in."

And what would you write my dear?

I'm in... Haiku! (dam, I thought that was Japanese for sneezing! Need a Kleenex now...)
-My Gilligan Haiku-
Thirty minute episode
Flaring brightly once and gone
I'm Guest Star

What, you're a star and I have to guess who you are? Sort of a cameo appearance. We'll have to have Ginger write you in. Ah, I have a suggestion, you could be a surfer chick that caught a tsunami and landed on the island. You just were lucky enough to bring your golf clubs with you.

The Professor and Ginger sprint to your side to help you up and that is when the Professor, with lust in his eyes, stares into your blue eyes and asks in a soft husky voice, "Surfer chick, would you like to play around?" Ginger is over come with jealously by the Professor's boldness towards this chick, who happens to be blond, and slaps him across the face. Astounded by this reaction, the Professor mumbles to himself, "Gee, all I wanted to know is if she wanted to play a round of golf!"

Frederick - Sabotage? Who said anything about sabotage? What's your game, Howell? What slice of fresh Hell do you have up your sleeve? Or...is...it you, after all? Let me think. Let me think. You were late arriving at pier 13 - conveniently late, I think. There was no way you could have been involved in the shooting, but... then... there... was... YOU! Lovey Howell - if that really is your name - but we both know it's nothing but an anagram, isn't that right, Holly Weevol?
(collective gasp)
You didn't think I'd recognize you, didn't you, Holly? Sure, it was touch and go at first, your face familiar and at the same time, foreign. A nose job can do that to a face, but you didn't stop there, did you, Holly? You had your lips fluffed, too, right? And your ears are lower, the unibrow is gone, your eyes are uncrossed, your teeth... your chin... and, oh my God, those are magnificent! Mrs. Thurston Howell the Third never sported a pair like that.
(Lovey) Oh, Thurston! Do something!
(Thurston) Now, see here, professor! isn't there some way we can make all this just go away? (starts laying sand dollars in professor's hands)
(WE BREAK FOR THIS MESSAGE FROM OUR SPONSORS)
Winston tastes good,
Like a cigarette should...
(AND NOW THE CONCLUSION TO 'AUTHOR ISLAND')
(Gilligan) Golly, perfesser. I can't believe you took a bribe!
(Professor) Ha, ha, ha! Gilligan, you're a card!
(Skipper) Li'l buddy, how's 'bout you get busy cleaning out the Minnow's toilet like I told you to do two days ago!
(Gilligan) Oh, crap!
(Collective laughter. Canned applause. Cue theme song)


Oh, I should read this to the cat instead of the wife. She claims the underlying crime here is not so much one of sabotage as it is a horrible instance of hijacking a thread.

I found the cat hiding beneath the chair watching Fox News. "Hey, Peanut. There's no fox. You do know that, don't you? There's not even a picture of a fox."

The cat just stared at me and squinted. "Maria Molina," was all he said.

I can't believe I slept through an entire episode. Last thing I remember was going to the mess hall for a bite and leaving some scrawny kid, whose name I can't remember, in charge. I do remember a few things:

I'm the Skipper
The SS minnow is mine
Saury Splitfin Minnow
After my mother
God rest her soul
I'm mighty and strong
on the sea
but helpless elsewhere

Looks like I woke up just in time to see a tall gorgeous blonde slap a guy who looks like he never got laid, must be the professor fellow: very long, difficult words flying out of his head. Makes my head spin.
It's my job to protect the women. Must think of a difficult task to give the professor. It's why he never got laid I hear. Thinking for professors works like an anti-Viagra drug. Gets rid of all sexual urges. They're dangerous when they have nothing difficult to figure out.

[evilly sneaks herbal viagra into the coconut cream pie...]

(oh good grief now I am trying to figure out how on earth they got cream, eggs, sugar and flour to make the pie or what they used for pie pans...never saw an oven so not sure how you bake pies over campifire..island had coconuts I believe as I seem to remember some episodes clunking Gilligan on the head with coconuts.)

(sees scrawny kid run by carrying what looks like a coconut cream pie. A minute later sees the surfer chick run by yelling "stop Gilligan, that pie isn't for you")
How did she know I love coconut cream pie? I have to go help her get it back.

THE CAST THUS FAR

Skipper (Omar)
Gilligan (Stephen is nominated)
Professor (Jon)
Thurston Howell III (Frederick)
Lovey (K.D. is nominated)
Ginger (Hannah)
Mary Ann (Debbie is nominated)

Jon wrote: "THE CAST THUS FAR

Skipper (Omar)
Gilligan (Stephen is nominated)
Professor (Jon)
Thurston Howell III (Frederick)
Lovey (K.D. is nominated)
Ginger (Hannah)
Mary Ann (Debbie is nominated)"

Jon, I think Debbie is the evil surfer chick.

I'm wimping out for the night. It's been fun. Maybe a new thread should be moved to for the Gilligan continuation so we don't completely hijack original poster's thread.

(We should definitly.)

Ginger glares at everyone and folds her arms to pout about being role played without her consent. It was ackward knowing that she moved without her approval. Could she has some type of disorder?!! That would make a lot of sense, she thought. Ignoring the wierd speach patterns of the professor, she sidles close to him. "So, want to do something? Like build a hut or...something?" Her eyes glitter with hidden meaning in case the professor had a posessive wife.

ulp! Now see here, Ginger. I am only flesh and bone. I couldn't possibly - I mean, you're a movie star and I'm merely a high school physics teacher...er, I mean a Full Professor at M.I.T. Of course, I'd be happy to build you a hut with my bare hands, but I'm gonna be all sweaty and stinky later.

Ginger laughs. I meant, together silly! And what would you know? Professors are just my type. I played a high school student in love with her teacher in my last movie. I'm still not over it.

I leave the island for a day and look what happens; the Professor might get lucky with Ginger and have piece on earth. The Skipper is confused about his area of responsibility while on land. I don't know what Gilligan is up to. Thurston Howell is exploiting the natives.

By the way Professor - who was shot? I know I didn't to it! Wait until Ginger finds out your interest in Lovey's new assets. As her husband I wasn't aware she was being reconstructed - lookout Lovey daddy's coming home tonight!!

What is that in the sky? Its brightness is almost blinding! Is it a bird? Hell no! Is it a plane? get real! Will then we're left with two choices, Superman or an Alien aircraft.

Look out it is coming at us, run, run. Howell speaks up, "Go where for Christ sake, we're on an island". Without warning the object explodes - causing a shock wave that destroys the castaway's poorly constructed huts. Some of the palm trees were blown over while Coconuts fell like rain.

The Howell's were more fortunate than the others, for Thurston had hired natives to dig a cave for he and Lovey to live in.

When the object broke through the sound barrier, thus emitting a massive shock-wave, the Howells were sipping their coconut wine - after all it was time for cocktails.

Debris from the exploding "thing" (the Professor must identify it so we know what to call it) peppered the island. One of the larger chunks struck earth near the Howell's cave with such force it filled their coconut glasses with sand.

Luckily the largest portion of the "Thing" missed the island and plunged into the ocean with such force it produced a large wave, which got Surfer Chick all excited. The wave deposited copious quantities of sea creatures on shore, thus creating a new world's record for seafood smorgasbords.

Don't know where the natives came from, but since this is the Authors Island, anything is possible.

With water flooding the island from every side, the Skipper is back in his element.

Without wasting a moment, he barks orders at everyone. He orders the natives to collect as many pieces of the spacecraft as they can. He sends Ginger, Surfer Chick, Lovey and Thurston Howell to look for Mary Anne and any alien survivors.

The Professor and Gilligan join the Skipper as they examine the bounty, seeing if anything can be salvaged to get them off the island. They're in luck. One of the pieces is shaped almost exactly like a boat.

Gilligan has an idea. "Hey everyone, let's surprise the others. Let's pack everything up and get this boat thingy ready to go so we can surprise them when they get back? Okay? Can we Skipper?"

"No, we're not trying another one of your dumb hair-brained ideas" says the Skipper.

"Now wait a minute Skipper", the professor interjects. He's not ready to leave the island yet. Back home, Ginger wouldn't give him the time of day. Before leaving the Island, the professor's hoping to explain some of his theories to Ginger. Just the thought of showing her his mathematical formulas is enough to make him feel giddy.

"Let's get everything ready, but we can't leave right away. We'll need to question any alien survivors to find out the weather conditions for the next seven days. It's a known fact that aliens have perfected weather forecasting."

Working together, they load the ship, leaving almost nothing behind. From Ginger's massive wardrobe, they're able to make several giant sails.

Gilligan goes to the SS Minnow to scavenge. Standing on the deck of the ship, it dawns on him that if they took some of the parts from the space craft, they could make the Minnow sea worthy. There's even enough gasoline left to get them home in no time. Without a moments hesitation, he dismisses the idea. The boat thingy looks like it's going to be loads of fun.

Working quickly, Gilligan takes what he came for, leaving the boat completely useless in the water.

An hour or so later, the boat thingy is ready and they head off into the woods to find the others.

Surfer Chick, who left Ginger and the others to surf, is seen heading towards the ready to sail boat thingy.

Will Surfer Chick board the newly loaded boat and leave the Castaways on the island? However, the real question is what is going to be the power source for this new boat? Are they going to use Lovey's bloomers as a sail? Or will Thurston hire the natives to paddle the boat.

What about Ginger's extra clothes in those snail things? To me is sounds like her clothes will be going as Escargot.

We still haven't determined who was shot at pier 13 - could it be - no impossible - but Mary Ann is missing. Perhaps she was abducted by an alien, if so, what would be its intentions. The alien could be the notorious Captain Flap, so named because when he walks his webbed feet make a flapping noise - like someone wearing swim fins.

So many questions looking for answers.

The Skipper will know the answers, hopefully. He must because we can't depend on Mr. Know-it-all Professor. Lately he has stars in his eyes and is thinking with his least intelligent head.

Lovey remains with the new boat, looking concerned. She worries that the boat will not have an appropriate cabin for her and Thurston. Really she is frantic thinking what might happen if she is exposed to long periods of direct sunlight. She was told to stay out of the sun or her surgically enhanced body might melt under the hot tropical sun. Fear fills her very core thinking how her full, firm breasts might droop down to waist, or one side of her collagen injected lips might swell, thus making her appear to be snarling - the price of vanity.

Thurston is pondering his demise as he searches for Mary Ann. If he returns to the mainland he'll be hounded by investors and debit collectors. He and Lovey took the cruse to escape these problems. At least on the island he could act like he was rich and everyone believed him, they even asked him for financial advise.

Little did he know that there was an award of one-million dollars to anyone who could find him and turn him in. However, if the others wanted to claim the reward, they must first get through.... "Bad Dog" the bounty hunter.

Ginger notices the skipper while talking to the professor and winks at him. If the professor was going to play hard to get, she could always find someone who was not....

Frederick - the answer to your original question is this... People don't naturally gravitate toward a writer who is a total unknown. You overcome that barrier by writing in a public forum, where readers can get a sense of your style. If they like you, they will read your work, possibly give it a positive review, and be willing later on to help you in other ways.

Yeah, like this thread is doing.


Jon
Fount of Wisdom and Destroyer of Plots

Noticing the wink from Ginger, the skippers face turns a dark reddish hue.

Evil Surfer chick makes it back to the mainland thanks to awesome tidal wave backlash from the spaceship craft—dehydrated, sunburnt and ranting deliriously. None of the authorities or medical personnel believe a garbled word out of her mouth. Least of all the attending physician and mysterious man in black with one of those 3-letter secret agency badges who were standing bedside just in time to catch earlier We tv network re-run of the "Roseanne" sitcom spoof of "Gilligan's Island" with some original cast members running on the $400-a-day-charged mini-tv.

Everyone by her hospital bed humors her by pretending to take notes. Meanwhile "Bad Dog" bounty hunter in his best nurse's drag slips a morphine drip into her IV, leaning carefully in to hear the evil rantings on how with the bounty share she'll get from her partner (who had dropped her on the island) for ratting out the Howell's she'll be able to afford enough therapy (and recreational drugs) to finally erase that horrible last image barely glimpsed as the island faded past ...

That horrible image of the previously wholesome if buxom Mary Ann in the clutches of beslimed, probing, alien tentacles ...

And back on thread topic - a really good book synopsis helps.

(knew I should not have looked at old books last night, may have channeled a bit too easily with her doctor reminding me of the Professor and taken the Gilligan's Island to a dark place ...)

Thank you Jon (Professor) for the sound advice. Actually this has been an eye opener for me because I've been more along the lines of a serious writer and this little episode brought out a different dimension of my personality.

From his position behind the Palmetto, Thurston watches devilishly at the interplay between Ginger and her two targets.

He knew that the Professor was in lust with Ginger but with all his knowledge he couldn't put two and two together to get the right formula.

Thurston was trying hard to contain his laughter in an effort to remain hidden. But the dumb struck look on the Skipper's face was that of a deer caught in the head-lights - not to mention the drool oozing from his lips.

Ginger was wearing what appeared to be a bikini but there wasn't enough fabric to be certain. As she slithered past the Skipper his head rotated as if on a record player. Eyes glued to her south end as she headed north, he didn't notice the palm tree. Like the Titanic he made a frantic side-step but it was too late. His right knee slammed into the tree and with gut wrenching pain he crumbled to the ground. The impact loosened a coconut that was taking aim at the Skipper's head. Within seconds the coconut found its mark and the Skipper never knew what hit him.

Thurston seized the opportunity to approach the Professor with his new found knowledge of the impending love affair between Ginger and the Skipper.

Damn, damn, damn!! Escaped from the professor, a sound so primeval that the jungle animals feel silent. Thurston, with a grin on his face, had an idea and explained his diabolical scheme to the shaking man before him.

He whispered, like the hiss from a snake, "I remember you working on some sort of love potion, were you not?" The king of professorships nodded his head in reply. "How is that coming?" Acting a little more interested the Professor replied, "It is almost complete, in fact I've been testing it on myself and it must be working or why would Ginger wink at me?"

Howell, knowing that something like this would be worth trillions, calmly suggested that the professor give him his formula for safe keeping. The nieve scholar handed over his notes and what remained of his test sample.

As they parted ways, Thurston sprinkled the remaining elixir about his body to give it the acid test for potency. He would try it on Lovey to see her reaction. He figured if the potion woke up even the slightest arousal, or a hint of passion from Lovey, it would be a miracle!

Debbie wrote: "Evil Surfer chick makes it back to the mainland thanks to awesome tidal wave backlash from the spaceship craft—dehydrated, sunburnt and ranting deliriously. None of the authorities or medical pers..."

Welcome back Surfer Chick!!

So that's what happened to Mary Ann. Tell me, did she have a smile on her face? No, No, don't tell me I couldn't take the visualization! Thurston had feelings towards the beautiful farm girl, and the set of utters that an old bull would die for. The thought of her in the arms, I mean tentacles,of another would be too much for his heart.

Hey, Can we do Green Acres now? Fred Ziffel and Arnold the pig always cracked me up? Or we could be really creative and try Dr. Seuss.

Where is my review?
I know it's what you do.
My Book!Review it now I ask,
I say this politely, with no sass.

I don't know where the review could be
It could be here
It could be over there
It could be up a tree
It could by with you KD

Or:

We seek him here, we seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere,
Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?
The damned, elusive Pimpernel...

I'm not a poet but my feet don't show it - their longfellows.

You have words in your head,
You have ink in your pen,
You can write any story you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know how to write,
And YOU are the one who'll write the next bestseller.

I'll take that to heart,
And repeat every part,
Each morning,
Sneaking-up to the mirror.

Omar - Last we met your heart had been rendered by Kevin's evil pen and you lay crumpled in a puddle of blood and ink, your life's last breath slipping out and away. You must've got better.

Shhh. I await in unholy ambush for Kevin, whom I plan to run through.

Geza wrote: "Or:

We seek him here, we seek him there,
Those Frenchies seek him everywhere,
Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?
The damned, elusive Pimpernel..."

:-D

Sir Percy would be proud.

One of my favorite movies is the Anthony Andrews / Jane Seymour version of Baroness Orczy's lovely tale of "The Scarlet Pimpernel"...

Geza wrote: "One of my favorite movies is the Anthony Andrews / Jane Seymour version of Baroness Orczy's lovely tale of "The Scarlet Pimpernel"..."

Me too. I wish Sony would reissue it on DVD (Sony controlled the rights, last time I checked). Much of it is on Youtube, though there's no guessing how long it will stay there.