THE Group for Authors! discussion

I published my book in Dec of 2012 and am working on promotions. My website gets lots of traffic so I just started my blog. Need some guest writers and will do a piece for yours.

What would be involved in guest writing? Do I actually have to write anything? You should know that I don't do as well with deep, pensive monologues as I do with interjections and argumentative reactions ("Oh, really?", "So says you!").

The 'Quinn Soliloquy' was originally my idea, but at the last minute the screenwriters changed the name of the ship to the USS INDIANAPOLIS, claiming the whole SS MINNOW concept had already been done. They practically accused me of plagiarism! Well, I told them I'd have my revenge, in this life or the next. They weren't entertained.

Do I have to read your book? It sounds engaging and humorous. I hate books like that. Mine are sad, lonely stories designed make biker chicks turn bipolar. I think the word is bipolar.

Jon Etheredge

I guess I'm an author, although the fact is debatable among many. What are the requirements to qualify? If it requires a union card from the writer's union, I don't have one, my dog chewed-up mine.

Does it require an interview? I don't think well on my feet - will, come to think about it I don't do so well sitting either. However, if you supply me the questions ahead of time I could come up with something. To be honest, making the questions multiple choice would help.

I could recommend the name of an author that would make a great guest - he is a little eccentric, his name is Omar. He usually hangs out on the "Why do authors hate each other" thread.

Don't listen to Frederick and Omar -- they'll just lie about who won the swordfight and then they start speaking French. Mon deu, Frederick doesn't HAVE a dog. Omar ate it. Yeah, and it was just a PUPPY! You don't want lyin' French Puppy killers writin' on your blog, do you?

psst. Frederick and Omar are OK, actually. I was exaggerating a little bit. But the puppy part is true.

Yeah, I loved that pup! Omar wrapped the pool little thing in a French pastry eat it in one gulp. It was a horrific experience that will scar me for life. I might even become bipolar like the hog chicks Jon created with his writing.

Whispering - Jon really did lose the sward fight. He was cut in three ways, long, deep and continuously.

Where's Omar?

He had to go to emergency to get his stomach pumped after eating my poor little pup.

I am a new author and I'd be interested in being a guest writer. I'd like more info as to the requirements and what is expected.

I'm an author who has also kept a well-established blog for over a decade. I'd love if you'd get in touch with me, since I'd be an interesting guest post for your blog. :)

Hi Tina,

I'm an author and would be happy to write a piece for your website. I don't have a website of my own (too busy writing my next book ;) so no reciprocation required! Feel free to pm me with the details.

Thanks for the opportunity!

Jon wrote: "Where's Omar?"

After finishing that doggie pastry I had to take a run to the doc, where I almost fully crippled a half cripple by giving a driver the all clear sign as a gentleman on crutches was crossing the street. if only that driver paid attention and kept driving, that man could have easily gotten his electric wheelchair approved with the two broken legs he would have gotten. And then he had the nerve to curse at me after I tried to help him.

Now, what is this fib about someone here publishing a book? One with words in it? Balderdash! What's gonna be the next claim, that someone here has a website on the world wide web?

Well, it is not in my nature to walk away when there is an opportunity to take advantage of a lady in distress.

How may I be of help? I have a blog that gets no visitors. You have a blog that gets plenty of visits. Let's go blogging.

You should perhaps post about your blog that gets no visitors. After that, I'm assuming it will no longer be the case.

Of course, I could just be observing a ploy to take advantage of a lady in distress by evoking her empathy for your much-ignored blog, so, never mind. :)

Tami wrote: "I am a new author and I'd be interested in being a guest writer. I'd like more info as to the requirements and what is expected."

Hi, I agree with Tami. I am happy to exchange interviews/ reviews and would llike some more info, pls inbox me :)
Observation City

Alayna-Renee wrote: "You should perhaps post about your blog that gets no visitors. After that, I'm assuming it will no longer be the case.

Of course, I could just be observing a ploy to take advantage of a lady in d..."

I sense the game's afoot!

I just discovered that there are serious people on this thread! The question at hand is, "Does Omar have a blog, therefore a blogger, or he has one that he hasn't posted. If he hasn't posted to this questionable blog then does it really exist?"

Omar - I have a few blogs and I would be please to give you one. Most have just a few followers but they are better than not having any worshipers. In fact, you could interview me on your new blog or invite me to be a guest.

I think there are secret groups on GR. Ones that just use numbers, "Group 8", or beware of "Group 6". Either they don't want others to know what is going on in these groups, or they lack imagination for coming up with a meaningful group name, such as "The History Group" or "Authors helping Authors".

I think I'll start a group, "Bloggers without followers".

Fred, you are the penultimate salesman. If Anita has read this far, we at least owe her a serious mention.

Hi, Anita. I'm Jon. I have three books on Amazon and a blog on GoodReads with nearly as many readers as I have fingers. I have no sense of humor, and I write for the common man, Mister Everybody, who found reading in high school to be tedious and unrewarding (except for the "Mack Bolan: Executioner" series).

I am currently in the final read of my novel "Dream Talker" before I send it to every heartless nitpicking agent in the English-speaking world simultaneously. I am also in the outline stage of my next book, tentatively titled "Passable Cats". I have published a love poem in "eRomance" magazine, a short story ("Babaroo's Switch") in "eHumor" magazine, and had my novel "Abigail Dare" selected as the Indie Book of the Day last Thanksgiving.

I have no idea what is involved in guest writing, but I will do almost anything once. Twice, if lunch is provided.

Jon

Jon, I'm impressed!! What do you know about World War One? If the answer is nothing, then when Anita is through with you I'll ask you to be a guest writer on my blog: http://royalfieldartilleryww1.blogspo....

I'm working on two book ideas - a follow-up book on my first "Living The Great Promise in America"(still working on the title). The other contender is "Shaking Things Up" my experiences with Parkinson's. I believe my sick humor would work well with the second book.

Rick

My grandfather had a selective service card from that period. The cards were serialized. His was #1.

Jon

Jon wrote: I have no idea what is involved in guest writing, but I will do almost anything once. Twice, if lunch is provided.

I am new here, but am impressed when I come across people who share my philosophy on life.

Jon wrote: "What would be involved in guest writing? Do I actually have to write anything? You should know that I don't do as well with deep, pensive monologues as I do with interjections and argumentative r..."

Jon wrote: "What would be involved in guest writing? Do I actually have to write anything? You should know that I don't do as well with deep, pensive monologues as I do with interjections and argumentative r..."


Yes, Guest writing does involve writing. Unless you draw cool pictures. No you don't have to read my book, I would hate for you to read it and turn into a good person.

Frederick wrote: "I guess I'm an author, although the fact is debatable among many. What are the requirements to qualify? If it requires a union card from the writer's union, I don't have one, my dog chewed-up mine...."

I would rather have people that don't have their union cards but multiple choice doesn't work for me. Maybe your dog could help you with some questions?

Jon wrote: "Fred, you are the penultimate salesman. If Anita has read this far, we at least owe her a serious mention.

Hi, Anita. I'm Jon. I have three books on Amazon and a blog on GoodReads with nearly a..."

Alayna-Renee wrote: "I'm an author who has also kept a well-established blog for over a decade. I'd love if you'd get in touch with me, since I'd be an interesting guest post for your blog. :)"

I have been enjoying the Sarcastic conversations back and forth. Life is to short to be serious all the time. You guys remind we of the boys I hung out with in high school

Anita wrote: "I have been enjoying the Sarcastic conversations back and forth...."

It is so refreshing to find someone who appreciates sarcasm.
I remember, in the not too distant past, when I had first discovered Facebook. My first attempt to fit in consisted of a little sarcastic remark, which had the same effect as a nuclear bomb going off. People were in an uproar, I lost friends I never knew I had. Oh it was horrible, the bloodshed caused by a little sarcasm regarding someones status update.

You, my dear Anita, are a gem.

If it were not for sarcasm, there wouldn't be so many misquoted Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker "inspirational graphics" floating around Facebook. :)

I enjoy people who take themselves less seriously than I'd ever take them anyway. ;) It's good to encounter some kindred spirits in that regard.

Anita wrote: "Frederick wrote: "I guess I'm an author, although the fact is debatable among many. What are the requirements to qualify? If it requires a union card from the writer's union, I don't have one, my d..."

He could have helped me but Omar eat him earlier in this thread. So I'll have to wing it - no multiple choice - I'll have to Lewis & Clark it. I'll put my big boy pants on as well as a couple of beers, that should do it.

Sarcasms are like puns - not everyone gets it or appreciates the fine line between sarcasm and meanness.

By the way - nice come back Anita! I'll keep this in mind.

Omar wrote: "I remember, in the not too distant past, when I had first discovered Facebook. My first attempt to fit in consisted of a little sarcastic remark, which had the same effect as a nuclear bomb going off. ..."

Omar! You FIEND! I had friends who perished in that calamity. Sure, sure...you had excuses, dozens of 'em, honed to perfection in a hallway mirror.

"It wasn't my fault. I didn't know the readers were packed so close together. I swear it! Criticality shouldn't have been achieved so quickly, not if the Facebook scientists had properly doped the neutron delay layer. Who could've known?"

Well, well, well. While you were brushing up on high school French, we HONOR STUDENTS were doing a faculty-suupervised research paper on 'Initiation of Chain Reactions with 1,1,4-deoxyribonucleosarcastic Interjection'.

All those people! All those wasted lives! And then you ate Rick's dog WITHOUT EVEN COOKING THE POOR THING!

I hope you're happy.

Your good friend,
Jon

Thanks Jon for mentioning my poor little dog - my best friend. He had time for one yelp before he became a hairball in Omar's stomach.

Jon wrote: "Where's Omar?"
And where's Hannah? She adds subtle wit and a delicate insolence to the repartee: Jon, Frederick, Omar: you need her.

Last I saw HannaH, she was in a convent.

Jon wrote: "Last I saw HannaH, she was in a convent."
No, no, no, this cannot be! C'est impossible! She is a woman with an unbending passion for this earth with all its delights and pleasures and yes, its sorrows, a woman with a keen desire to help others as demonstrated in her wise yet saucy exchanges with devotees on this thread.
You gallant three, you must overtake the darkness of the convent and save her!

Wait a minute! The Three Musketeers didn't need a woman with subtle wit, we have Jon for that and Omar is a delicate Frenchman with plenty of insolence. As for me I'm still evolving.

Hannah would be with us if Jon hadn't placed her in a convent or was it a nunnery. I have faith that she'll escape and cast off her habit, although I'm not sure what potion she was using, and we'll reunite in our efforts to challenge each other for her hand.

Isn't that what we do? I'm not sure since Omar returned to New York.

Jon wrote: "Omar wrote: "I remember, in the not too distant past, when I had first discovered Facebook. My first attempt to fit in consisted of a little sarcastic remark, which had the same effect as a nuclear..."

Let me start off by saying the dog was delicious. Since being placed on a diabetic diet, I had longed for a decent meal. The dog happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. After a week on this diet, I was dying for some nourishment, when the little dog came walking by.
I did check first, to make sure the dog wasn't on the restricted foods list. Who can blame me? I thought it was a gift from Frederick, who saw how much I was suffering on that blasted diet.

But was my little pup wrapped in gift paper, have bow, or a note, "To Omar, enjoy!" He rushed out the door before I could stop him! I chased him for blocks, calling his name, "Charlie" but still he ran like he knew where he was going. Personally I think it was your French poodle that was in heat. I knew I should have taken Charlie to the brain surgeon!

I hope you enjoyed Charlie as much as I did. I'll miss him dearly - by the way, what did you do with his collar?

Frederick wrote: "Wait a minute! The Three Musketeers didn't need a woman with subtle wit, we have Jon for that and Omar is a delicate Frenchman with plenty of insolence. As for me I'm still evolving.

Hannah would..."

Frederick, It is what we do, but without maidens like Hannah to spread word of our bravery, no one would have heard of the famous battles we've had, like the one against the one starred ogres. That battle almost cost us dearly, but we fought on. It was our duty to stop those ogres. Who knows how many innocent souls were done in by that one star.

We are forever indebted to Hannah and must save her from a life no reader would ever consider.

Thank you Elle for bringing us back to our senses. How can we forget if not for Hannah, Rita, Anita, Alayna-Renee, you and many others wouldn't have fallen in love with us?

We owe it to Jon, who only placed her in the convent upon seeing the twinkle in our eyes each time we looked at Hannah.

Blasted Honor! So be it! It is the life we have chosen!

Omar wrote: "Frederick wrote: "Wait a minute! The Three Musketeers didn't need a woman with subtle wit, we have Jon for that and Omar is a delicate Frenchman with plenty of insolence. As for me I'm still evolvi..."

Wait a minute! "Life we have chosen?" I don't remember signing a contract, or make some stupid pledge about be a salabit hero! Whatever happened to wine, women, and song? Now I believe in chivalry but not shivering during the night without a warm body....I'll stop there.

Yes, we had to save Hannah from the convent, after all if they had forced her to wear one of those black and white robes, she would have become a Nun and that is what she would get the rest of her life "NONE".

Frederick wrote: "But was my little pup wrapped in gift paper, have bow, or a note, "To Omar, enjoy!" He rushed out the door before I could stop him! I chased him for blocks, calling his name, "Charlie" but still he..."

Yes, thank you. I enjoyed Charlie tremendously. You have no idea how good meat tasted after eating nothing but green things all week long.

You know I hate formalities like wrapping paper and notes? As for the French poodle, it is back in France with Papillon. I grew tired of both and sent them away.

Please do not ask for the collar back. I've heard rumors about how collars are useful in the bedroom. I can't imagine how, but it never hurts to be prepared.

Frederick wrote: "Omar wrote: "Frederick wrote: "Wait a minute! The Three Musketeers didn't need a woman with subtle wit, we have Jon for that and Omar is a delicate Frenchman with plenty of insolence. As for me I'm..."

It is a contract we signed the first time we lifted our swords against the kings knights.

Have you forgotten so quickly? In the old days there was only wine and song. It was Big John who was keeping you warm.

No Frederick, the women didn't come along until we picked up our swords. Now we have so many to chose from. Are you ready to give that up, to go back to spooning with Big John?

Papillon writes a good book, I enjoyed it immensely so is that the reason you sent him back to France?

If you're not going to return the collar, would you return his tags? I want to put them in a box and bury it in the backyard. Or perhaps place them on a necklace so I can wear them around my neck - I can call them my DOG tags.

He told me his name was Sue! I liked Sue but it was those things living in the beard that finally broke us up.

You're right my friend - so many with so little time! The great thing is that none of them have beards - it was those little white crawly, wormy things I couldn't stand.

Omar wrote: No Frederick, the women didn't come along until we picked up our swords. Now we have so many to chose from. Are you ready to give that up, to go back to spooning with Big John?

Once there is wine, dog collars, and large swords to be had, it is inevitable that women will follow. We are a creative and easily amused group. Please note the amusement is always for our benefit and not for yours, so you may end up longing for the comforts of Big John. It's what happens when you let us out of the nunnery. :P

Yeps!

SPRING BREAK! It's about to get wild on here. *winks suggestively* I was kicked out of the nunnery for being too beautiful and narcissistic. Hey, I cannot help it that I made priests give up their livelyhoods.

Anita, I am a serious blogger with over 200 views. I started it at the very end of October. I don't have a book right now....a novel to give for a swap review. I am too bogged down with reviews at the moment, but let me know if I can do anything to help promote you.

I knew they couldn't hold you for long!! So the Oh God! Oh God! wasn't coming from prayer - that's my girl.

Awe. Freddy! You flatter my narcissistic heart.

Please note: I am not "Big John". Besides, I am comforted to know that size does not matter. Hence, I wield the epee against lesser men whose scabbards sheathe heavier tools. Their blades may thrust deeper or slice to the quick, but mine is quicker and quick is my business, in and out, done and done, their precious fluids spilt upon the sand and me, victorious and ready to parry anew within the quarter hour.