ROBUST discussion

My hillwalking friend Maighréad (pronounced muh-raid, meaning Margaret) calls the fools and tools and other idiots we meet "eejits".

Cyberspace seems to multiply them by its accidents, peculiarities and complexities.

If you stumble across an idiot on the net, add him/her/it here.

Here's one trying to latch onto a popular blog and get his URL spread about by commenting. He sends this comment:

"Very quickly this web page will be famous among all blog viewers, due to it's fastidious content."

Flattering, I'm sure. "Fastidious content." I'm undoubtedly fastidious about personal hygiene and who and what I touch, and I've demonstrated often enough that I will risk my life for important principles. But this poor dumbo attaches his comment to a thread about men of principle with their arms up the elbows in the mire of an immoral subject:

"Is the Paypal/Smashwords "banning" of rape, incest and bestiality censorship?"
http://coolmainpress.com/ajwriting/ar...

Trashed, and put on the spam list. My spam defender trashes an average of 5500 a day similar to this without reference to me. This was one of the few put up for adjudication. I was tempted to let this one go through, because I suspect that, on a subject with "rape, incest and bestiality" in the headline, he would do himself and whatever rubbish he sells more harm than good.

Kench!

"Kim Swartz is actually a frequent parent..."

So she doesn't believe in zero population growth? Or does she just have a lot of quality time to spend with her kids?

The entire spam to my mailbox is a fine example of the New Internet Illiteracy:

"Kim Swartz is actually a frequent parent who dropped her project last yr, after an ineffective work research she started beening employed on the web from home.
"I spoke with her regarding her incredible tale and she disclosed her actions for effectiveness.
"Learn How she is doing it
"Select listed below"

Andre Jute wrote: "
"Kim Swartz is actually a frequent parent who dropped her project last yr, after an ineffective work research she started beening employed on the web from home.
"I spoke with her regarding her incredible tale and she disclosed her actions for effectiveness.
"Learn How she is doing it
"Select listed below""

Looks like a clear example of why ad copy should probably be written by native speakers of the target language. No native English speaker, even one who was horribly educated, would make an error like "beening employed".

We may not like it, but I think Chinglish will be more and more heard, especially on the net.

Well they can speak English a heck of a lot better than I can speak Chinese!

Er, Katie, I wasn't referring to the English spoken by the Chinese, not the ones I deal with anyway. I was referring to the Chinglish spoken by supposed native anglophones.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." — Mariah Carey

No comment is necessary — or possible.

Oh dear. That will take some topping.

Okay then...

We're waiting for you to top Mariah Carey, Jeremy.

(That's the worst insult you'll hear in a month!)

Just reverting to the Chinese for a moment, I directed an actor who, like most of the breed, was thick as two very short planks. Let's call him George. He was a student of Mandarin, and the Foreign Office had a job waiting for him when he qualified. Even his closest friends started wondering whether it would be expensive to build a fall-out shelter when he was sent to China as a diplomat.