The character of Ender is appealing for several reasons. To me, one of them is his exploration of having feelings outside the realm of the normal human experience. This emotion/experience is later explored in depth through Bean and Jane who arguably ArE beyond the scope of human experience. Ender's experience of this phenomena through the depths of his remorse and introspection after destroying the "other" is soul wrentching and profound. My brother and I would talk for hours about the implications of what O.S.C. wrote. The last email I ever got from him before his accident was in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep after Pipo had been gutted. Since losing him, I in some ways feel cut off from everyone and those of you who have experienced profound loss will know exactly what I mean. What this post is aimed to relate is the idea I had written in my mind to send to my brother but did not get to in time. There is a song written by James Blunt called "same mistake" that encapsulates so poetically the burden that Ender has been asked to carry. So if the plight of Ender's soul, earth's saviour and outcast, calls to you from beyond the pages for your empathy, then this may be a place for you to find a start.
"Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go.
Hello, hello. There is no place I cannot go.
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?
I lose the track that loses me, so here I go.
And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me, So I set out to cut myself and here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance, I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice. 'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises 'cause, there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance, I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice. 'Cause I'll just make the same mistake,
I'm not calling for a second chance, I'm screaming at the top of my voice. Give me reason but don't give me choice. 'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep. Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars. Look at the stars fall down. And wonder where did I go wrong."
"Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars beneath my feet.
Remember rights that I did wrong, so here I go.
Hello, hello. There is no place I cannot go.
My mind is muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show?
I lose the track that loses me, so here I go.
And so I sent some men to fight, and one came back at dead of night.
Said he'd seen my enemy. Said he looked just like me,
So I set out to cut myself and here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
And maybe someday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises 'cause, there are no promises I keep.
And my reflection troubles me, so here I go.
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake,
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
'Cause I'll just make the same mistake again.
Saw the world turning in my sheets and once again I cannot sleep.
Walk out the door and up the street; look at the stars.
Look at the stars fall down.
And wonder where did I go wrong."