Ask Anne Lamott - Thursday, December 12th! discussion

You are an inspiration that has helped carry me over illness, death, lost relationships and disappointments. More importantly, you are able to reflect the goodness of the human soul with honesty and humor. Thank you! What authors have inspired you and what are your favorite books?

Here's another person who would love for you to come to Jacksonville FL! It's a 2-hour drive for me..... I'd definitely be there to meet you!

I don't consider myself a writer, so I haven't looked into "Bird by Bird", but the more I read these comments, the more I think I will definitely pick up the book! The comments about the saying "bird by bird" remind me of a friend's daughter who was telling about how she got through the stressful days working at a fast food restaurant "one hamburger at a time"!

Thank you for getting me through some of tthe very dark nights of the soul.
For helping me understand Grace....for reaffirming to me that People need to stop acting like Christians and start, acting more like Christ!

Please keep those wisdom pearls coming! I'm so excited to start my copy of stitches! Before I even read what it was about....the first question that pops is.... Where do you begin to find spirit/god again when that voids a vast emptiness? When you are so clearly on a path of transition and in danger of being swallowed by your demons?


Also..... Any plans to speak in Minneapolis ?

"The secret of life is patch, patch, patch..." Thank you for showing me how NOT to try to forget losses, but to live beyond them, for recognizing that don't have to gloss over our deepest feelings, but rather, patch the holes and keep warm!

Hi Anne! Thanks so much for doing this! First--I want to see a picture of your front curtains! What a lovely metaphor for life and friends and hope and care. Second--I too find great comfort and joy and awe in nature. You talk about watching juncos. What other aspects of nature call to you and teach you? Finally--I have some songs that speak to me and help me feel the pain and heal the pain. Holly Near, John Rutter hymns, and a local artist Karisa Wilson's song Stronger. Do you have music that feeds your soul?
Wishing you peace and love,
Aimee (disability justice advocate and nature lover)

Anne, I started reading your books earlier this year in preparation for your visit to Hudson Valley Community College in Troy, NY. I am now a huge fan!!! You are truly an inspiration to me!!! You write and speak from your heart!!! I, too, am a Sunday school teacher and love your stories about your experiences!!!

Chris wrote: "Hi Anne, I was at your talk in Atlanta recently and wish I'd thought to bring a pen. Who's on your list of authentic voices who inspire you spiritually? I recall Barbara Johnson. PS Thank you for s..."

I love C.S. Lewis, Denise Levertov, Ram Dass, Thomas Merton, Mary Oliver, William Blake...

Pam wrote: "Hi Anne, you are my favorite author. I discovered you in Traveling Mercies before I found out that being irreverently reverent was not the unforgivable sin that would send me straight to hell. You ..."

I would recommend that you just get the interviews done and transcribed. That's going to be a lot of work. Then ask me your question again at the next chat.

Shelley wrote: "I've read all your books and I've seen that you do cruises and other speaking engagements. I wonder if you have other offerings planned for the future? Politics?
Thanks for all your work.
Shelley"

I honestly don't have a lot scheduled--am pretty sick of myself. My literary Agent, Steven Barclay, usually has my events listed at his site (In fact, that's how I find out what I am doing...). I also post to my Facebook page - www.facebook.com/AnneLamott

Andrea wrote: "Anne. Having read a number of your books including Stitches, I wonder how you would translate your ideas and advice for purpose and meaning in one's life to those of us who are chronically ill, an..."

Well, I send you God's huge blessings, and hope you are finding joy, even with limited health. I'm so sorry that I can't really present my work in other forms. I can BARELY get my work done in the way you've come upon it. But maybe you could listen to me read my stuff, and it might inspire you to seek a new way to understand your capabilities and perceptions.

Kim wrote: "Hi Anne, I love your books and you give me so much joy. I am currently working through difficult times with an addicted son. Working so hard on having faith and "Giving in to God," Any words of ..."

Well, EVERYONE I know who has children, spouses, siblings with addictions has found incredible healing and strength in Al-Anon. Just google lock meetings--maybe go to one or two, share what you are going through, as see what happens.

Sarah wrote: "I love you so much I try not to hold the time that you're not writing for me against you. Also, I love that your first name has an 'e' and your last does not ~ it's all about balance."

I am always writing for you, and for you alone.

I'm an Episcopalian whose faith is "a path and a little light to see by." It's a liberal faith that helps me open my heart and try to bring about the Kingdom of God here on Earth, which involves love, inclusion, social justice, etc. I have a relative or two whose Christianity centers on the afterlife, the rapture, and the imminent end of days, which is of course being hastened by things like Obamacare and "the gays." Anne, I have trouble being fully present and loving with these folks, and my "help" prayers haven't gotten me there yet. Instead, I'm stingy, impatient and dismissive with them. How do you do it? Thank you.

As a young pastor, i read about Veronica with increasingly envy. What would your best advice or perhaps your most esteemable quality be for a pastor?

...if you'd like to tailor it to a female pastor, that'd be great too!

Dear Anne,
Your non-fiction books are the only books my husband and I will read to each other out loud in the car. Then we laugh or we talk. We are both in awe of your honesty, wisdom, and humor. How do you see the 12 steps fitting into your spiritual life?

Any daily devotional books you enjoy or special quotes you keep for difficult times?????

Hi Anne, I saw you for the first time recently on Oprah and I loved your honesty and realness immediately. I loved listening to you so I listened to "Help, Thanks, Wow" and got so much out of it. I've recently broken up a 4 year relationship due to his compulsive behavior and started going to 12-step meetings. I wanted to know after everything you've gone through and learned, are you single are you in a relationship? I'm hoping that healthy, happy relationships are part of recovery and possible!

Hi Anne! Thank you for taking the time to do this. I recently heard you speak in Decatur, GA on Stitches. You mentioned some things you tell the Sunday School children over and over and I wish I could remember because I thought to myself, "I want to say those things to my 3 sons every day." Also, what piece of advice would you give for raising sons? You are my favorite author and you have greatly influenced my life. Thank you!

You write so much - and so well - about grace. I have no problem with extending grace to others, but struggle greatly with extending grace to myself. Any thoughts on how to do this, particularly while dealing with mental illness?

Many thanks for all your words, and blessings upon you and yours.

Did the way you thought about words & language change as your father died?

Anne, I just want to let you know that 14 years ago when I’d had a premature baby and was in the middle of a Creative Writing MA your book “Operating Instructions” was Godsend. It was definitely part of what kept me sane. Thank you for writing it. I also love “Bird by Bird,” and read it then too. I got the MA!

Hi Anne! Bird by Bird is one of my all time favorite books. It was given to me by a publishing friend of my mother's when I told her, at about twelve, that I wanted to be a writer. Do you have any opinions on the gradual move toward kindles and other ereaders, and whether or not these are better/worse than physical books?

Anne, I have been wanting to ask you about another element of giving "thanks" to God. What do you think about being thankful for things that have not happened yet? It feels strange to do this...but I have felt such freedom from fear/anxiety when I am able to do this.

Hey Anne! It seems to me that you write mostly about subjects very close to you (your father's death, raising your son, struggles with writing, etc.) In my own experience, those are the hardest things to write because they force you to take a good, hard look at yourself and expose what you find to the world. I want to write like that, but I find that I'm afraid. How do you find the courage?

The earth is a beehive; we all enter by the same door but live in different cells.
~ an African proverb in memory of Nelson "Namiba" Mandella, RIP

Could you provide a "summary statement" about the changes in your life? Those great sea changes that signal our lives will never be the same. Your books talk to me about your conversion, your sobriety, your children, your poetry, your journals -- your evolving voice. What have these dynamic transitions meant to you?

Hi Anne. Bird by Bird has helped me so much as a writer. Your truthfulness mixed with such humor and grace is refreshing. It sits on my desk on those days when KFKD is playing really loud and I need a pick-me-up. Hearing your friendly voice on every page, even though quiet, helps to drown out some of the self-loathing.

You address this in your book some, but my question has to do with finishing rough drafts. I am notorious at starting and stopping several things at once and never really completing anything. How do you push through when the initial image/idea you had fizzles? How do you know if you should press on or if your inability to finish is a sign that you need to start something fresh?

Carol wrote: "Hi Anne, oh you who have taught me such wisdom. I'm caught in a whirlwind of bad, sad, tragic events...it's been going on for 11 years now...It's time to STOP already. Not sure if I'm venting or a..."

Wow, I think I've written everything I know that might be helpful. Did you read Help Thanks Wow? Also, people have astonishing amazing restoration and comfort in 12 step meetings and communities. I go to one for the children of the English. (Just kidding.). (Sort of)

Carol wrote: "Hi Anne, oh you who have taught me such wisdom. I'm caught in a whirlwind of bad, sad, tragic events...it's been going on for 11 years now...It's time to STOP already. Not sure if I'm venting or a..."

Wow, I think I've written everything I know that might be helpful. Did you read Help Thanks Wow? Also, people have astonishing amazing restoration and comfort in 12 step meetings and communities. I go to one for the children of the English. (Just kidding.). (Sort of)

Karen wrote: "I enjoyed "Some Assembly Required" on CD while traveling back and forth to my new home in Vermont. I was particularly struck by the chapters about your travel to India. Such a departure for you! ..."

I really just don't know what I am going to do next. I very much want to go to Japan, where my father was born and raise. But I mostly crave being at home. Will have to get back to you on this.

Sue wrote: "hi Annie,
I've been rereading "Joe Jones", and wondered if you're writing much fiction these days? also, what are you reading lately?"

I'm not writing any fiction these days, and don't have a new novel in mind. Novels are hard, and you have to be wiling to be pretty lost and crazy for or a year or more, while trying to write a shitty first draft. You have to have a kind of vision and stamina that I don't seem to have right now.

Carla wrote: "Hi Anne-I just finished Stitches, and recognized the Overly Sensitive Child. Hello, me! Fitting in, although I really really wanted to, was just not an option. Remember the Bowie tune Space Oddity?..."

I hear you, honey. Every single person I am close to, and trust, and dire, turns out to have been an Overly Sensitive Child. We are the people I want to be with.

Teresa wrote: "Hi Anne - Could you tell us about your dogs? I liked what you wrote about not being able to make it at all without your dogs. I am owned by three Jack Russells and a Whippet, and I feel like they..."

I have a nearly1/ year old girl named Lily, who is a rescue mutt of lab, Rottweiler, and who knows what else. She never ever does anything wrong. Right ow, she is stretched out with my grandson, napping. Hr husband is a darling, hilarious, incorrigible rescue mutt of lab, border collie, and pit bull who is ALWAYS in trouble, for stealing people's food. He is in the kitchen, trying to scam a way into jiggling the new loaf of bread closer to the edge of the counter.

Jackie Lea wrote: "Anne, if you were writing Bird by Bird TODAY ... what would you add to it, if anything?"

I'm not sure what else I would add. A friend convinced me that you should never have a character named Brian, because you will keep typing in Brain, and your spell check will let it through. But basically, I still swear by the same ideas: short assignments, shitty first drafts, and just do it. You get to ask people for help. And read a lot more poetry.

Michele wrote: "Hi Anne (and everyone else!),
I love your writing style--funny, touching, relatable, insightful--and all of your beautiful descriptions of Marin County and growing up in Tiburon. I grew up there t..."

The characters in the Rosie trilogy are ALL aspects of me, but not very much of the actual plots really occurred in my life. The feelings and sense of the world are mine, but a lot of that stuff didn't happen to me. And I was always a pretty good writer, plus my father was a writer, and I developed certain habits and skills at his knee.

Alexandria wrote: "I am a fan of all of your work, but I want to know how you decide what's story-worthy in your fiction. Where do the threads start? I love your fiction. The characters feel like people I could or d..."

I write a lot of stories and sections that I don't end up using. You just develop a feel over time for what is really worthwhile, versus what is me trying to look smart or erudite. With a novel, I probably end up cutting at least 1/4 of the stories as I go along. I want to use EVERYTHING that I remember, or have written down and edited, but like Jessica Mitford said, "You have to kill your little darlings," and take out the show-iffy material.

Lisa wrote: "Just wanted to let you know how much Bird by Bird has meant to me, personally. It's gotten me through some very tough times - times when I didn't think I could keep going.

But I just keep plug..."

Thank you. I really do live this way, although right now, it's more stitch by stitch.

Phil wrote: "Hi Anne. My Mom passed away a year and a half ago (cancer) and I found a copy of "Traveling Mercies" in her things. I decided to read it, and I found myself really enjoying it. Not only that, but i..."

I hope my book brought your mom some comfort! And I'm honored that I remind you of course. And I'm SO sorry for your loss. I know what that's like.

Kristin wrote: "I read Travelling Mercies as my life was unravelling. Thank you for your honesty.

A friend asked me lately how I was and I replied that I was feeling depressed and discouraged that no one could e..."

I don't think you need to think about things in this light. Depressed and discouraged is really hard, and plenty to deal with. My response, if it was me, was to practice radical self-care, by being exquisitely kind and gentle and patient with myself, exactly as I would be with a friend. Love and gentleness are always the answer.

Fabio wrote: "Hi, Anne!

I've only read "Bird by Bird", which truly helped me to no end in becoming a better writer and person. Thank you for that.

What I wanted to ask was this: why do you, clearly an intelli..."

I experience God's love all around me every day, in people's greatness and amazing strength, and in the beauty of creation and art.


. You could call it whatever you want. I feel an Intelligence and Goodness at the center of all things. What helps me is that for some reason, I am not plagued by the desire to figure things out. Figure is out is not a good slogan. I am not going to know one way or another this side of the grave, and my choice is to go with what my heart and favorite poetry tell me.

Nancy wrote: "Operating Manual: has anyone ever written a better book about the tyranny of the newborn? You got me through my son's first summer, when I learned that "Baby Boom" was just a movie, and the truth w..."

You mean Operating Instructions--and thank you. Yes, women weren't saying these scary things when I had a infant, that babies are exhausting and that we are often a mess as parents. But when I'd tell another mother about my complicated feelings, it would come out so funny, and everyone said, "OH, me too!" And that was incredibly liberating for all of us.

Julia wrote: "I'm wondering who some of your favorite authors are? Maybe those who have influenced you in your faith, your writing,or just enabled you to see your world in a new way?"

well, I always loved Middlemarch, probably my favorite book; and Kazanzakis, and Ann Beattie was an inspiring writer when I was a very young writer, and Fred Barthelme, and Forster, and Stendahl, and Evelyn Waugh, and Iris Murdoch, and Muriel Spark and Dorris Lessing and Shirley Jackson, and Flannery O'Connor and Carson McCullers, and Katherine Anne Porter, and e.e. cummings, and Wallace Stevens and Adrienne Rich and Gloria Steinem, and Updike, and Saul Bellow, and Alice Munro....

Carrieuoregon wrote: "Hi! I have loved and devoured several of your works. I said in my review on Goodreads ofHelp Thanks Wow: Three Essential Prayers that I think you are this generation's [author:C.S..."

Wow, what a compliment. I love CS Lewis and he was so important to me when I was a baby Christian, in my early thirties. He was infinitely more educated and brilliant than I could ever be. But you've made my day.

Carol wrote: "Hi Anne - My name is Carol Chavez, and I am Eileen Chavez's daughter-in-law. I have been reading your work for many, many years, and am a huge fan. You've been writing mostly non-fiction these pa..."

I really prefer nonfiction, both to write and, usually, to read. And I just don't believe all that much in inspiration--if I wait for it, I don't get all that much work done. I give myself short assignments, in the sense that I'll say to myself that today, I'm going to work on the passage about the sleeping horses, or the time my uncle Don took us to the used car lot, with all these cousins and I tumbling around in the back seat like kittens, in the pre seat-belt days. Read the section on 1" picture frames in Bird by Bird.

Bonnie wrote: "I thank you for two things: the term "cranky Christian" (I thought those two words had to be self-canceling); and the understanding that I am not a writer (I keep hearing that I should be) and th..."

You are welcome! There are a lot of us CC's--deeply grateful believers who find it just a LITTLE bit annoying here on this side of eternity:not to mention time-consuming.
You are smart to have figured out that NO ONE has to be a writer. Writers are some of the craziest, most neurotic people I know.

Skoerner94gmail.com wrote: "Hello, Anne! I was first introduced to your work in class and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I was wondering, seeing as I am a creative writing student and all, what can you tell me about the pro..."

I was just trying to figure out what to tell my Sunday School kids the Sunday after Newtown, about where we find meaning in chaos and suffering. So I scribbled down a couple of stories and iudeas, and the next thing I knew, it was on my heart to write a manual for everyone, of all ages.

Kami wrote: "I'm wondering if you encounter any naysayers or opposition to how openly and unapologetically you address spiritual topics. Do you think you'd be as well received if you were affiliated with a larg..."

I used to get a lot of insult and hostility about my liberal Christianity from the fundamentalist Christian community, but now mostly here from them during election season, when I speak out more about women's rights. Gun control, the environment. And my agnostic left wing intellectual friends used to be sort of horrified by how devout I am as a church goer, but it's been 28 years and I think I wore them all out. PLUS a few of them became believers....

Jennie wrote: "A fan of Bird By Bird here! I'm reading through it a second time and laughing out loud, and relating. What a great book for beginning writers. I don't have any questions (as I'm sure she'll be p..."

Thank you, honey. Now just do it, a little bit, badly, every day.

Hi Anne,

You have no idea how much, "Bird by Bird," has helped me in so many situations.

Thanks so much

Christine

Hi Anne. I could probably ask you a million questions in writing, inspiration, trying not to be dismayed by publishing and sales.... But I think I'll save it for another day. Today I just want to thank you for your blatant honesty, and how you reveal so much of your soul so that we readers know we're not alone when things aren't so perfect. I love that when I'm feeling less than my perfect princess self, you have the words I can read to let me know that's okay. I have drawn inspiration from so many of your books, and even from your Facebook posts (love those!). So thank you.

P.S. We're practically neighbors. I'm over in Petaluma, and am lucky enough to see you talk whenever you're doing a speaking engagement in the Bay Area. The last one was at the benefit for your church in SF. It was a lovely evening of worship, and you!